Be Whimsical
*Click Clack*
*Click Clack*
Down the hall went a pair of black Louis Vuitton stiletto heels with their signature red soles. The owner of said heels had a little pep in her step as she made her way down the halls of the MIT dormitory. Her blonde hair curled and her make up drawn very lightly to seem casual but also to give a femme fatale look. A heart shaped box of chocolates was clutched tightly by her side. When she reached her destination, she uncharacteristically took a deep breath to compose herself.
"Ok Regina. Easy money today. Richie is devastated by his break-up with Zatrauma. Oooo that's good, I should write that one down. Phooo ok. Hug him, hold him, let him cry and soak your tank top, and then boom. I reel in the most eligible bachelor in the east coast. Showtime baby."
*KNOCK KNOCK*
"I got it!"
"Wait," panicked Regina, "was that a woman's voice?!"
The door opened to reveal a raven head of hair with blonde highlights. Her blue eyes and round face tilted with confusion as she looked over the new visitor at the door. Regina was completely stunned. In front of her was the girl whom Regina thought was completely out of the picture. Yet here she was inside Richie's dorm, wearing his MIT Hackers shirt and a pair of really really short-shorts. Stunned, Regina said the first thing that came to mind.
"What the FUCK are you doing here?!"
"Oof. You kiss your mother with that mouth, Regina?" smirked Zatanna.
"YOU'RE ONE TO TALK!" shouted Dick playfully from inside the suite.
"Oh screw you, Dick!" Zatanna teased back.
"Alright, but it's not as fun as doing it with you!"
With her now burning red face, Zatanna took off one of her fuzzy house slippers and hurled it at her cheeky boyfriend.
"OW!"
"There! Now hush, we have a guest at the door!"
With that, Zatanna turned back to a still speechless Regina.
"Anyway, what can I help you with, Regina?"
"I-I YOU TWO BROKE UP!"
"No we didn't?" Zatanna crossed her arms and leaned against the doorway.
"But Richie was so upset this past week! He was so distraught! His roommate uh….Fred said that you and he had a huge fight."
"Ok. First, MY boyfriend's name is Dick. Or Richard if you wanna be fancy. Second, his roommate's name is NED. N-E-D. And third, remember number one? Yea, he's still MY boyfriend. Sure, we hit a rough patch, but like any other good couple, we fixed things up."
"How dare you! Y-you, you're manipulating him, surely! I've heard about you and your hocus pocus willy nilly magic shows. You put some voodoo curse thingamajig and forced him to kiss your feet, didn't you?!"
"Honey, the only magic I needed to do, was show him my heart. Besides, I'm manipulating him? You're the one showing up to his dorm with a box of chocolates. Hersey's? You're wearing LV boots. You couldn't even give him the fancy chocolate?"
"I uh well. Clearly you hurt him! I'm just being a good friend and making sure you don't lead him down the wrong path."
"Uh huh, sure. Why don't you just take these," Zatanna whispered as she reached behind Regina's ear, "and go back onto your own path and leave us alone, please," Zatanna scolded as she waved around a pair of pink car keys.
Furious, Regina reached out and grabbed her car keys back from Zatanna.
"How did you? Now you're trying to steal my car?! You're a monster!"
"Hey now, just showing you a fun magic trick. No biggie."
"My car is my most expensive, and prized possession, don't fuck with my car!"
"Yea well, don't fuck with me because you'll never fuck my boyfriend."
"Language!" Dick laughed as he added his comment.
Quickly, Zee threw her other slipper at him. Getting smart, Dick expertly caught this one.
"HA! Nice try, honey. But now I have TWO fuzzy slippers to keep me warm!"
Zatanna flipped him off before turning back to the snarling Regina in the hallway.
"Anything else, Regina?"
"Grrrrr you're nothing you selfish little whore. You've got something on him. Why else would he sleep with a bitchy orphan like you?"
Zatanna's posture changed immediately. Gone was her cheeky smile and carefree demeanor. She crossed her arms again and stood firm glaring at the girl.
"We're done here. You should leave."
Huffing, Regina stormed away. Zatanna slammed the door and plopped back on the couch. Dick turned to his steaming girlfriend and put an arm around her.
"Let it go. Regina's not worth it. She's just trying to sleep with me and use my money. Nothing more."
"Hmmph."
"You want to get back at her, don't you?"
"Extremely."
"Sigh, well, lucky for you, you're staying at the world's foremost University in pranking the shit out of people."
"Hmmm, I like the sound of that. You got an idea?"
"Idea? Psh I've already planned the whole thing out."
"Oooo, you're sexy when you know what you're doing."
A few hours later
"I take it back. This is NOT sexy at all! In fact, Dick, this is ridiculous! Why the hell are we doing this manually?"
"Because it's fun!"
"Dick, we could have finished this like in two seconds. I coulda just used magic."
"Zee, I'm an MIT engineer. I'd be kicked out of here and lose all my credibility if I didn't do this work manually."
"Dick, you're literally dropping out in a few weeks. Plus, how can you be sure we can pull this off without waking her up?"
"She's got a really loud white noise machine and ironically some really strong noise cancelling headphones. A tiger could roar in her sleep, and she'd never wake up."
"And you know this how?"
"Everyone who sleeps with her knows this."
"….Come again?"
"Sorry sorry. Poor phrasing. I heard this from Aaron Samuels who got this from Archie Andrews, who got this from Jung Kim, who got this from Susie Lee, who got this from…"
"Wait? Susie?"
"Huh. Oh yea. 'An experiment' Her exact words not mine."
"Uhhh ok."
"Interestingly, after his experience, Aaron realized he was gay…..or did he end up dating Cady Herron? Unclear, anyway, less talking more hauling!" Dick ordered as he and Zatanna continued to drag a large pink piece of metal up the stairs.
The Next Morning
Regina got up and stretched as the sun shined brightly through the window. She took off her headphones and removed her sleeping eye mask only to find….
"WHAT THE FUCK!?"
"Voice command accepted. Good morning, SLUT. It is 7am and the weather forecast today is partly cloudy. The current temperature is 77 degrees and will climb to a high of 84 by 1pm. Have a nice day and enjoy your morning playlist."
Regina was just awestruck. In the middle of her single bedroom was her bright pink Volkswagen Beetle car. Its headlights were flashing, and someone had hardwired some sort of voice command AI into it. Suddenly, the radio turned on and the lights blinked to the beat.
"Hi there 인사해호들갑없이,
시작해요서론없이,
스킨십은사양할게요 Back off back off,
이대로좋아요 Balance balance" the car sang*
(Hi there, say hello without being extra, Let's start, without introductions, No touching, back off back off, I like it like this, balance balance)
"What the hell?! Uhhh stop music stop music!"
"Voice command accepted. Increasing volume"
"Yellow C- A- R- D,
이선넘으면침범이야 Beep,
매너는여기까지 It's ma ma ma mine,
Please keep the la la la line" the music blared out from the car
(Yellow C -A -R- D, If you cross this line, it's a violation, beep, Keeping manners stop here, it's ma ma ma mine, Please keep the la la la line)
"No no pleassse just stop!" she shouted as she got up and started banging on the hood.
"Voice command accepted. Increasing volume"
"Hello stuP- I- D,
그선넘으면정색이야 Beep,
Stop it 거리유지해,
Cause we don't know know know know,
Comma we don't owe owe owe owe (Anything)"
(Hello stuP -I- D, If you cross that line, I'll get serious, beep, Stop it, keep the distance, Cause we don't know know know know, Comma we don't owe owe owe owe (anything)
Hours Later
"So just then, the sea cucumber looks over to the mollusk and says, 'With fronds like these, who needs anemones!'"
*BAHAHAAHAHAH*
Proud of his joke, Ned sipped his soda. He, Michelle, Dick, Zatanna, and their new friend Peter from chemistry were having lunch in the cafeteria.
"So, Peter, I hear you're working full time in Dr. Conner's lab?" Dick asked
"Yea! He's got me sequencing some spider genes. I've been doing PCR tests all week."
"What's he planning to do with that anyway?" Michelle asked
"I think he wants to harvest the spider-silk as tangible material for rope or something. Personally, I'd rather just synthesize the stuff, but he's the boss."
*CLICK CLACK CLICK CLACK*
All five friends turned around to the sound of hurricane Regina storm towards them with a bored Professor Stark in tow.
"THERE SHE IS PROFESSOR! THERE'S THE CULPRIT!"
All eyes turned to Zatanna. With a sly teasing smile, she shrugged. Dick bit his lip to hide his own laughter.
"Why Regina, what could you ever possibly mean?" Zatanna sweetly asked.
"Can it, witch! I nearly broke my toe trying to get to my closet because I had to climb over a car! IN MY ROOM!"
"A car? In your room? I am shocked and dismayed that you could ever accuse me of such a thing" Zatanna answered sarcastically.
"Baby, you can't be both shocked AND dismayed" answered Dick
"Oh, shoot you're right. You be shocked, and I'll be dismayed."
"Sounds good to me!"
"Ugh," Regina huffed, "You think you're so clever don't you! You think you're gonna get away with this. Well, you're not! Tell him, Professor Stark!"
Reluctantly, Professor Stark stepped forward clasping his hands to his front.
"Mr. Grayson, Miss Zatara," Professor Stark began
"Ah. I'm Mr. Shocked," Dick corrected.
"And I'm Mrs. Dismayed," she followed suit.
"Well, Mr. Shocked, Mrs. Dismayed, this behavior is juvenile and unbefitting of the standards established in the MIT student handbook….Did you really put a car in her room?"
Slyly, both Dick and Zee nodded with Cheshire grins on their faces. Stark finally cracked and chuckled a little.
"Well, that's great!" he smiled as he turned to laugh at Regina only to see her upset face and change his demeanor again, "However! These kinds of antics will not be tolerated"
Professor Stark again tried to keep a stoic professional face, but again failed miserably. Like a giddy schoolboy at Disneyland, he smiled again and had to ask.
"How did you do it?"
"Oh Tony, you're gonna love this!" Dick exclaimed as he opened his phone to show pictures of him and Zee taking the car apart and dragging the pieces into the dorm, "Lookie lookie!"
"Richie! You did this?! And you took selfies?!" Regina exclaimed
"Honey, it was his idea," Zatanna teased
"Professor Stark!"
"I'm sorry, Ms. George, but there are no rules against putting cars in rooms. Was there loud music preventing you from getting rest or studying during the night?"
"Uhhh no..."
"Then you got nothin."
"Wait wait!" Regina realized, "They set up some voice command alarm that then played music! Some Chinese song or whatever!"
"Excuse you, it was Kpop," corrected Zatanna.
"And we will not stand for this IU slander! Lee Ji-eun is a QUEEN!" added Dick
"Ahem."
"Second only to you, Mrs. Dismayed," Dick tried to save his skin by kissing Zatanna on the cheek.
"Thank you, Mr. Shocked."
After thinking about it for a second, Professor Stark put his hand on Dick's shoulder and leaned forward.
"Dick," he began, "….that's just plain BRILLIANT!"
*BAHAHAHAHAHAH*
Regina stood stunned as the entire table and Professor Stark burst out hysterically in laughter.
"PROFESSOR! You're not gonna teach them a lesson!?"
"No…..and you can't make me!"
"But he's your research assistant! He and his whore of a girlfriend put a Volkswagen in my room, and you don't have one lousy lesson?!"
"Alright," Stark took a deep breath, "Here's a lesson. Relax, take a nice drive…..INTO YOUR CLOSET!"
"TONAYYYYYYY! AHAHAHA," Dick exclaimed as he and Zatanna hi-fived Professor Stark
"You all disgust me!" Regina declared
"Oh, can it Ms. George. They got you HA HA! Besides, we're at MIT. Hacking and pranking like this are in our blood and history. As you kids say, just take the L," Tony said with finality as he walked off.
Angered, Regina stomped forward to Zatanna trying to get in her face.
"This just proves you've hypnotized Richie with your Satan powers or whatever!"
"Considering you thought the song was Chinese, I take it you didn't look up the translation of the lyrics. Dick, if you please?"
With a flick of his wrist, Dick produced a yellow card in his hand.
"Wait? How'd you do that?! You're wearing a t-shirt!?" Peter asked
"Shhh, leave the questions for after, Peter," Dick shushed as he handed Zee the card.
"This a yellow card. C-A-R-D. You are in violation. BEEP," Zatanna explained as she gently pushed Regina away.
Zee walked over to Dick's side and drew an imaginary line on the ground in front of him.
"Mind your manners and stop right here. Do not cross this line. If you do, I'll get serious. Real serious. Think you got all that stuP-I-D?"
Defeated, Regina shuffled away. The five friends sat back down to enjoy their lunch.
"Holy shit, Zatanna. You're one boss bitch!" cried Ned
"Up top girl! You two really showed her!" Michelle congratulated raising her hand for a hi-five.
"Hehe, it's nothing. I'm just a little….possessive of my birdy that's all."
"Man, I've only known you for like a few weeks or so, but I'll be damned if I ever get on your bad side," Peter added.
"Nah, she's still sweet on the inside. Just don't get her wound up," Dick said.
"Man, we're really gonna miss you two here. MIT won't be the same."
"I'm gonna miss you too, Ned. And everyone here. I had a lot of fun."
"Promise you'll write?" asked Michelle
"Of course. You guys are some of the best friends a guy could ask for. Plus, I'll try to visit when I can. Someone's gotta be able to top my car prank!"
"Psh, Dick please," Peter snorted, "Placing cars in random places is sooo cliché for MIT."
"Oh, just because I didn't put it on top of the Great Dome on building 10!"
"The AI though was a nice touch. Where'd you even have a basis for code like that?" asked Ned.
Dick and Zatanna looked at each other and smirked. They looked around to see if anyone was close by and leaned forward. Dick gestured everyone to do the same.
"Well, actually," Dick whispered, "I'm Robin the Boy Wonder. I developed my hacking skills as a hobby working for Batman. I learned to crack the most sophisticated security systems around the world. Zee and I are actually part of a covert team that works behind the scenes when the Justice League is unable to publicly intervene lest they create an international scandal."
"And the reason why I can come back and forth between Gotham and Boston so freely," Zee added, "is because we have a teleportation network called Zeta tubes than can transport us anywhere in the world as well as the orbiting Justice League satellite called the Watchtower."
"Fun fact! Zee and I met when I was Robin and she visited our secret headquarters in Happy Harbor, Rhode Island. It's literally a cave under a mountain there called Mount Justice. Pretty on the nose if you ask me."
"While we're at it, I actually do have magical powers. My father was a powerful sorcerer, and I inherited his magical abilities. I can pretty much do anything when I speak backwards. I use a lot of my powers in my shows which is why my act looks so real."
Dick and Zatanna smirked after finishing their really tall but surprisingly true background stories. Peter, Michelle, and Ned just sat there completely stunned. None of the three really knew how to process what they learned. Finally, Peter broke the silence.
"Fine! Keep your secrets then!"
"You guys are asses," Michelle added
"Next, you'll tell us Superman has a clone running around or something. Pft," Ned mused.
Dick and Zee sat back and shrugged.
"You asked…"
AN: * BBIBBI by IU