After several weeks of intensive physical therapy and overwhelming boredom, Pipes and Primus declared Silverstorm ready to leave the medbay and begin his training with the Aerialbots. Silverstorm was relieved to be free to leave the stifling room with so little to do, and the first thing he did was take a long walk. His training with the Aerialbots would begin the next day, so he took the time to really appreciate his younglings and their progress.

As he walked the pristine street, he admired the glowing lights above him and the clean, whole buildings on either side of him. During his stay in the medbay, the younglings had continued to work on repairing the street and the buildings, and it looked fantastic. As he passed younglings, he waved and they waved back. Blurr in particular was bright and enthusiastic, and he dashed forward and dragged him over to their latest project. Silverstorm listened to the fast speech about what they were hoping to accomplish then let them get back to it.

He entered the house and headed up to his berthroom after his initial perusal of the street, needing to rest for a few minutes, but he paused when he realized he wasn't alone in the house. He heard soft whines, faint and muffled. Curious, he followed the noises to the room across from his and Mirage's. He tapped at the door, and there was immediate silence. Then the door slid open to reveal a bubbly Seaspray, his optics bright and his expression cheerful.

"Oh! You're out of the medbay," he said, his voice gurgling like a pleasant stream back on Earth.

Silverstorm frowned and leaned against the doorframe. "You okay, Spray?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" Seaspray asked, his optics flashing away to stare at his hand on the doorframe.

"I don't know. Why aren't you?"

"I'm fine. Just fine." Seaspray continued to smile blandly at him, but Silverstorm wasn't fooled.

He shrugged. "Okay then. Well, if you need to talk, I'm across the hall."

Seaspray'a smile faltered for a moment then he nodded and withdrew into his room. Silverstorm stared at the door for a moment then turned and headed for his berth. It was so much more comfortable than the ones in the medbay. He stretched out luxuriously on the cool, soft metal that molded to his form and sighed. He noticed the ringing silence from Seaspray's room and wondered if he was okay.

What did he know about Seaspray? He was usually bubbly and happy, keeping the peace between the younglings with Beachcomber's help. He laughed a lot, loved to dance, worked hard, and was fun to be around. Once or twice, though, he'd disappeared for a few days, and nobody could find him. But he'd always reappear and laugh off their concerns, saying that he had needed time to think and that he was just fine. And now that Silverstorm thought about it, he had been just fine. But that was after the disappearance. He'd never said he was fine during his absence.

Still, Silverstorm would wait for Seaspray to approach him. He wasn't exactly sure what was wrong, but something was. As much as he wanted to know, it didn't seem like the youngling was in any immediate danger. He wondered absently how long it would take.

A vocalizer spit static from the doorway, and Silverstorm turned to see Seaspray standing in his doorway. The youngling was no longer smiling. In fact, he looked rather sad as he played with his hands and stared down at the floor. Silverstorm sat up and swung his legs over the side of the berth to the floor. He placed his elbows on his knees and rested his chin in his hands as he gazed at Seaspray, taking in his hesitation and a smidge of fear in his optics.

"You okay?"

Seaspray didn't move for a moment then shook his head.

"Want to talk about it?"

The youngling nodded, refusing to look at his Prime.

"Okay then. Come on in. Have a seat on Raj's berth."

"He won't mind?" Seaspray asked.

"No." Seaspray hesitated and Silverstorm smiled. "I'm not going to bite."

Seaspray laughed shakily and slipped into the room. He seemed afraid to look at Silverstorm as he perched nervously on the berth, his optics taking in the room that had belonged to all of the younglings once upon a time.

"It's been a while since I've been in here," Seaspray murmured, looking at the neat, clean room that had more space in it than he remembered.

"You're welcome just about any time," Silverstorm said.

Seaspray glanced at him. "Just about?"

"If Raj is reading, you might not want to interrupt him. He's got a voracious appetite for literature, and if he's at a good part, he might actually stab you if you break in."

Seaspray laughed again, but this one was more natural. "I didn't know that Raj liked reading so much."

"He didn't either until he had access to the temple library," Silverstorm replied. He stretched and drew his legs back up on the berth, leaning against the wall as he studied Seaspray. "What do you like to do for fun?"

Seaspray shrugged. "I like to journal. Take walks. Spend time with friends." He paused and his vocalizer clicked indecisively. "Most of the time," he finally added.

Silverstorm hummed. "What do you mean?"

"I don't know," Seaspray said quickly. Too quickly.

The Prime frowned. "Do you not trust me, Spray?"

"It's not that."

"Then what is it?"

Seaspray output a huge breath then looked up to meet Silverstorm's optics. "I get really sad sometimes."

Silverstorm tilted his head. "Sad how?"

"It's hard to explain. It's like I can't move or think straight. That's how sad I am. But it's not really sadness. It's more than that. It's worse. I feel like all the color is gone, and it won't ever come back. And when that happens, I…"

The youngling trailed off, suddenly looking wary. Silverstorm stared at him, waiting.

"Yes?" he finally asked.

Seaspray looked down, his optics turning pink. "I don't want to be alive anymore."

"I see." Silverstorm tapped the back of his hand with one finger. "Do you want to make yourself not alive in a specific way? Or is it just not wanting to deal with life anymore?"

Seaspray considered this, a thoughtful frown on his face. "It's more of the second thing," he finally said. "I don't think about how I'd like to not be alive. Just that everything is too much. I just want it all to stop being so… complicated."

"Do you know when these feelings started?"

"After I was separated from my protector. When the war really started getting bad." He sighed. "I hid it from the others as best I could. They noticed sometimes that I wouldn't talk for a while. It was really bad when the city was bombed by an air strike. The explosions and shouts and screams just lasted and lasted. Then everything went very, very quiet. That was worse, somehow. I sometimes relive those days in the mines. That's when I go and hide for a while, get away from the others."

"Flashbacks," Silverstorm said quietly.

Seaspray looked up. "Pardon?"

"You're having flashbacks. That's not good."

"Oh. That's a thing?"

Silverstorm nodded. "We need to talk to Primus and Pipes about this."

Seaspray cringed. "I don't want them to know."

"Why not? They could help you."

"I don't know," Seaspray sighed. "It makes me seem weak. You know, the part about me not wanting to be alive anymore."

"Just because you have suicidal ideation doesn't mean you're weak. They all went through the same time, didn't they? They were there, hiding in the mines with you, weren't they?"

"Well, yeah," Seaspray said slowly. "But they don't act like me. They don't get all sad and want to not be alive."

"Depressed," Silverstorm said firmly. "You have depression and maybe post-traumatic stress disorder, either of which could cause suicidal ideation. But that's nothing to be ashamed about. You've been through terrible things. You lost your whole world in a matter of weeks. Your whole life was changed by decisions outside of yourself. That's difficult, especially as a sparkling." He paused. "Have you spoken to anybody about this?"

"I thought… I thought they wouldn't care," Seaspray muttered. "I'm the happy one."

"Is that real?"

Seaspray looked up, startled. "Of course it's real! I usually am happy and bubbly. I'm not lying about that. It's only during the dark times, the… the depression that I'm quiet and want to be alone. I don't lie about how I feel."

"But you do hide it," Silverstorm said.

There was a long pause as Seaspray frowned and looked down at his hands. "I guess I do hide it. I don't want to bother anybody."

"I think you'll find that we do want to be bothered. We all love you, Spray. You don't have to be in the dark all alone. We can sit with you."

Seaspray sighed and rubbed his temples. "I don't know how to tell them, Prime. I don't want them to be disappointed or angry or whatever. I don't want them to look at me and pity me because I have depression and maybe whatever the other thing is."

"You don't know that that's what they'll do." Silverstorm stood up and held out his hand. "Come on, Spray. Let's go and talk with them. You'll feel better and then we can help you whenever you're down."

Seaspray sat for several long moments, a look of fear and hope mingled on his face. Then he slowly reached out and took his Prime's hand. Silverstorm tugged him to his feet, and they walked down the stairs to head outside. When the front door opened, they were both startled to see the younglings gathered together outside, talking animatedly. Ultra Magnus was seated off to the side, and even the Aerialbots were there. The cause of the gathering was Primus, who stood beside Ultra Magnus, smiling at his Prime.

When their presence in the doorway was registered, everybody turned to smile. Mirage stepped forward, looking from Silverstorm to Seaspray.

"Primus said you wanted to talk with us?"

Seaspray swiveled to gaze in wonder at the ancient mech. Primus inclined his head.

"We're all audios," he said kindly.

The combined gazes of the younglings were almost too much, and Seaspray shrank back, overwhelmed by everything. But Silverstorm gripped at his hand, squeezing reassuringly. Seaspray looked at his Prime then at the ground and spoke before he could think too much.

"Do you guys ever not want to be alive anymore?"

The smiles faded, and the younglings stared at their typically happy, bubbly friend, whose posture was slumped and defeated. There was a long, long pause, and Seaspray wanted to melt into the metal beneath his feet more and more with every passing second.

"Sometimes," Blurr finally said quietly. His voice was slow and contemplative, so different from his typical speech pattern that everybody looked at him in alarm. "When I remember what the scientists and doctors did to me, and the mechs who took me from my protector, and how I lost him before I was free, I think about not existing."

Silverstorm smiled at him, proud that he was ready to discuss such a difficult topic with Seaspray.

Seaspray studied Blurr. "Do you get really sad?"

"Sometimes," Blurr said again, still slow. "I miss Sparkler. I want to see him again. But then I look around and try to see the good things. Like you. You make me laugh."

Seaspray's vocalizer stuttered and clicked. When he spoke, it was through thick static. "I don't feel like I'll ever laugh again."

"Are you sad now?" Red Alert asked.

"Depressed is apparently the word," Seaspray said.

"Well, do you want to talk about it?"

"I guess. But I don't know about you," Seaspray said.

"What is it that's making you depressed?"

Seaspray hesitated. "Do you remember when the war started? And the bombings?"

The younglings' expressions tightened.

"Yeah," Mirage said. "I do. Is that what you want to talk about?"

"Yeah. I keep going back. So much noise… Screaming, running, explosions, and… and then…"

Sunstreaker spoke up. "The quiet."

Seaspray was surprised to see his friends shiver. Primus looked around.

"Why don't we have a bit of high grade? Then we can sit and talk."

"Sounds good," Silverstorm said. He nudged Seaspray. "Yeah?"

Seaspray looked around at everybody, who all smiled grimly but nodded. "Yeah. That sounds good."

Silverstorm hurried with Primus to make the energon while Blurr wrapped an arm around Seaspray. For his part, Seaspray managed a sad smile. Progress.