It is another subpar morning at Camp Wawanakwa. Chris stands on the dock of shame, shuffling through envelopes before noticing the camera in front of him. "Oh, right, uh, last time on Total Drama Island! Our contestants played a little game of hide and seek, in which Grand Master Chef came after them with a giant water gun! Some had great hiding spots, others had terrible ones, hehehe! In the end, it was a four way tie for invincibility, and Izzy sacrificed her fifth slice to get LeShawna outta here! Now, Gwen will have to go on without her best friend or her boyfriend. Harsh.
Meanwhile, with some coercion, Duncan was able to form his own guys alliance, only for Owen to tell Gwen, Izzy and LeShawna all about it. Yiiikes."
Riiiip!
Chris tosses an envelope in the ocean, pocketing the bill inside with an eye roll. "Will the guys' alliance fall? Will the girls form their own counter alliance? Will I be stuck hosting reality TV for the rest of my life? Find out the answers to all of these questions and more on the newest, most enthralling episode of…
Total!
Drama!
Island!"
The theme song plays over an intro sequence.
The first shot depicts Wawanakwa in full, leading up to a giant cliff and zooming past McLean as he sips a coffee before diving into the water below the cliff.
Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine.
You guys are on my mind.
We see Ezekiel under water, watching Geoff and Bridgette with a downtrodden look on his face, both of which are staring longingly into each other's eyes until an eagle picks Geoff up by his shoulders and carries him off. Bridgette tries to reach for him, watching him fly away with concern.
You asked me what I wanted to be and now I think the answer is plain to see
I wanna be famous.
The eagle drops Geoff down as it soars past the sun. He falls down a few tree branches before landing in DJ's arms, who seconds prior was enjoying nature and the copious animals around him. The animals get violent and attack as soon as their peace is disturbed. DJ and Geoff scream as the former runs with the latter in his arms away from the vicious animals.
Duncan laughs hysterically at the scene, but Courtney glares at him with disapproval, causing him to stop.
I wanna live close to the sun
So pack your bags cause I already won.
Heather is in a canoe with Beth and LeShawna going down the stream. Beth is in the middle, trying to separate the two from dueling. The canoe ends up careening off of the stream and down a waterfall, which makes the teens fall to the water below, passing by Harold as he practices a few fighting poses on a dangerously positioned log overlooking the falls. As he stretches his arms and legs out in a dorky position, Izzy swings in on a vine and knocks into him, bumping directly into an outhouse housing Lindsay, who falls out with her skirt around her ankles.
Everything to prove
Nothing in my way
I'll get there one day
Cause I wanna be famous.
Inside the mess hall kitchen, we see Chef preparing some disgusting green soup with his bare hand dipped into the pot. He looks behind him at a tied up Owen and Noah, both looking petrified of whatever Chef is concoting for them. In the mess hall itself, Eva arm wrestles Tyler, easily beating him and dislocating his arm.
Outside on the beach, Sadie and Katie coo over Justin, who is looking at himself in between two mirrors. He winks at one, his teeth glistening.
Na-na-na-na-na-na
Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na
We get a good look at the polluted, muggy, teal waters of Wawanakwa, a few seagulls fighting over a cellphone. Katie swims for it, with Sadie watching from the sand anxiously, but the skinny brown clone of her best friend ends up being terrorized by a shark and swims back to shore as fast as she can.
I wanna be, I wanna be
I wanna be famous!
Back on the dock of shame, we see Justin strut to the edge before ripping his shirt off, water from the shark splashing towards Katie drenching his perfectly chiseled muscles. He flexes as the camera goes up and transitions from day to night, then comes back down at the campfire ceremony.
I wanna be, I wanna be
I wanna be famous!
Trent is playing his guitar for Gwen, who is entranced by him. He leans forward, a warm smile on his face. As they inch closer, Cody gets between them and places a hand on both of their shoulders, smiling dorkily. The rest of the cast whistles the chorus of the theme song as the camera zooms out to capture them all sitting around the bonfire. The logo appears above them.
Total Drama Island:
The Creeps Cut
Created by VoiceFromUnderTheCovers and Crimson Candy.
The night before. It's dark out, the moon in the sky practically at its apex. A full moon is coming. But protected from the moon's bright light are three girls, two dressed similarly and one draped in vine-green woodland clothing.
Heather looks down at the clothes on her person, a size too big in the front. An oversized tank top, a cute skirt and a pair of boots adorn her. "Ooh, you look so pretty with my clothes on, Heather!" Lindsay compliments. Heather looks in the mirror, trying on various poses as Izzy scrubs her hair down with a towel.
"Yeah.. it'll do. Look, ladies, we have to talk. Team meeting starts now." Heather states.
"Ooh, secretive! Lay it out, Heather!" Izzy barks. Heather gives her a look.
"Right. So, if we want to make it to the final three intact we have to choose a new target."
"How about Duncan? He was mean to Tyler, and that guy Harry." Lindsay sternly replies, her hands on her hips.
"Harold? And no. Duncan and I have a deal going. Besides, he can be useful." Heather says.
"Well, definitely not Owen. He's a total hottie, and his tits are HUGE! I mean like, way bigger than yours, Lindsay!" Izzy exclaims, poking Lindsay's boob. She looks down in shame.
"Aw, well, they can get bigger when I turn 25! Honest!"
(Confessional: Heather)
"I'm not sure it comes through on the cameras, but Izzy really creeps me out. She's useful, but I'm dumping her as fast as I can."
(Confessional end)
"Say, Izzy.. you and Owen are pretty close now, right? Have any idea about what's going on with him strategically?" Heather questions, prying with a sweet, fake voice.
"Well, we're not dating close, but between you and me, his tongue tastes just like dried out mallomars and corn chips! Oh, and there's this greasy spot under his chin that makes him moan whenever you-"
"Okay, okay, enough! I'm okay! Let's just say our next target is Gwen. Makes sense?" The girls nod their heads.
(Confessional Izzy)
"I know Heather's using me. Well, trying to. Honestly, it's really nice having a meatshield like her that can't die for once. This one time I had a human shield during this hostage situation, and he totally peed himself all over me, and then got shot by a helicopter bullet! What a wuss, haha! But yeah, anyway, she's goneso way before me, so.. Yeah!"
(Confessional end)
"Good. Meeting adjourned." Heather declares. Izzy throws her towel away before skipping out the door while humming a song. Heather begins walking toward the door, only for Lindsay to grab her by the wrist. "What?" Heather barks, snapping her neck to look at the blonde.
"Aren't you going to say thanks for the clothes?" Lindsay smiles innocently.
Heather holds back the urge to yell, turning around. "Listen.. Sweetie. You know it's late in the game. You're smart enough to know that. That's why I gotta put on a mean face."
"Like an act?"
"Yeah!" Heather puts her hands on Lindsay's shoulders. "So if I seem angry or impatient or anything, just know that it's just a game face thing. I need people to know how serious I am. Okay?"
"..I guess I understand. But you can't even say thank you to me in private?"
She rolls her eyes. "Thank you. Happy?" She yanks herself off of Lindsay's hand and walks away, leaving her alone in the bathroom, the fluorescent light above her buzzing above as the only sound left. She lowers her head sadly.
"Not really.."
(Confessional: Lindsay)
"Look, I get it, it's all strategy, and Heather's smart so she definitely knows what she's talking about. But.. I don't know. Is being rich really worth being so backstabby and mean? First we broke up Travis and Gwen, and then got rid of LeShawna even though she was our friend. I'm not sure I feel so good about our strategy."
(Confessional end)
A campfire cackles deep in the forest, dancing flames rising into the sky as Duncan, DJ, Geoff and Owen sit around it. Laughter from the boys echo through the forest.
"Ah.. so yeah, that's how I beat the grand regional hot dog eating contest." Owen finishes his story.
"Dude, you are downright disgusting." DJ states.
"Yeah! It's awesome!" Geoff exclaims, cheering.
Duncan shakes his head amusedly. "That reminds me of another story, this one freaky story about a man with a hook for a hand.." He deviously begins, grinning. Geoff and DJ look nervously between each other.
"Uh.. maybe not tonight, Duncan." DJ says.
Duncan rolls his eyes. "Fine, fine, be that way, chicken."
"What's this about a guy with a hook hand?" Owen asks.
"Nothing, just a spooky story Duncan cooked up." Geoff says.
"It's a pretty good story." Duncan adds.
"Aw, man. Well, do you have any other cool stories that aren't too scary?" Owen questions, tossing some smores in his mouth.
"Hm… well, we all trust each other, right boys?" They nod their heads at their leader. "This is the story of my first ever crime."
The guys all lean in, intrigued.
"I was seven years old, still reeling from.. Let's call it an early exploration into puberty."
"I had the opposite problem. Puberty hit me like a truck when I was eleven." DJ replies.
"In essence, I was hurting. I was also really cool. I had this older brother, Michael, who was the coolest guy I knew for a good while, 'till he turned himself into a cop and became a pansy." Duncan continues.
"Yeah, man, cops are downers." Geoff responds.
"I almost got arrested once, but the cuffs were too small to fit around my chunky wrists, hehe." Owen says.
"Anyway, I needed an outlet. I was grounded by my dumbass dad for punching a hole in the wall, so I spent most of my time in my room for the next week. Michael comes in to visit me late at night, gives me my dinner plate, and obviously I reject it, 'cause I ain't having anything my dad makes me. He laughs it off and puts the plate down, then he tells me he'll be right back."
"And then what?" Owen asks.
"He comes back with a green spray can. He used to have the same hair dye as me, and between you and me boys, I thought to myself, 'man, I'd rock that, and he'd think I'm cool as hell.'"
"And you do. Major props, D-man." Geoff says, a small round of applause from the surfer dude coming out.
"Anyway, he tells me to get outta here and tag shit up, vent my frustrations through art. I was always big on finger paints and crap like that when I was a kid, and sure enough when I escaped that window and sprayed the town green, I felt pretty good." Duncan continues.
"What did you spray?" DJ asks.
"Mayoral campaigns, city hall, my school, a few cars." He lists.
Geoff chuckles. "Goddamn, dude! You went crazy!"
"Sure did. Got caught by the cops, someone squealed. Never figured out who. Had to clean it all up as my sentence, since it was my first offense as like a seven year old. But from then on, I've been a much freer spirit."
"All that 'cause your parents grounded you. Bet they're regretting it now." Geoff says.
"Fuck 'em." DJ's hand swings toward Duncan's temple, swatting him. "Ow! What gives?"
"You don't talk about your parents that way, man. Never. Not even if they suck." DJ answers matter of factly..
"Whatever." Duncan says, rolling his eyes.
"I love my mom and dad, they rule. But… they've always been really strict." Owen says.
"Strict how? Like, no parties on Sunday? No girls over while they're home? No peeing in the swimming pool?" Geoff asks.
Owen shakes his head to every response. "I couldn't even have parties or girls over. And guys? Forget about it! They don't even know I'm bisexual, cause if I told them they'd probably tell me I'm going to hell.." He twiddles his fingers together nervously.
"That's rough, man. Momma taught me to accept everyone for who they are. Treat others the way you wanna be treated and all that. I don't think you're going to hell."
(Confessional: Duncan)
"So all of a sudden we're gathered around the fire like a bunch of orphan boy scouts talking about our parents. I never thought I'd have to do group therapy again, but somehow it's not so bad when it's with guys I care about."
(Confessional: Geoff)
"I've never been too good at talking about my family. Not because I hate 'em or 'cause I get sad, but other people do, and that always sucks."
(Confessional end)
"I never really got into that God guy's stuff. My dad always taught me to be a free spirit, and believe whatever."
"That's cool. My mom tried to promote the same thing. I never really had a dad. Well, I did, but he passed away when I was four years old."
"Aw, man, that sucks. My mom passed away too, just when she was giving birth to me. Dad says she was a real firecracker, haha."
Owen sniffles, clutching a box of tissues as he whimpers and sobs quietly. "That is so sad…"
"I guess my life could be worse. Sorry about that, dudes." Duncan apologizes, scratching the back of his neck.
"It's all good. Just try to remember that it could always be worse." DJ replies.
"It's getting late, could be a challenge tomorrow. Let's say we turn in?" Duncan suggests.
"Sure, night dudes." Geoff says, stretching before heading into his and DJ's shared tent. Duncan and Owen do the same, heading into their tent. Both tents are green, with Chris' face on them. McLean brand tents, bought from the craft services tent.
DJ lays down in his bed, pulling the covers over himself before grabbing a plushie to cuddle up to. Geoff takes his hat off and hits the sleeping bag with a thud, snoring upon impact. DJ smiles, slowly closing his eyelids over the course of the next five minutes, finally drifting off to sleep to the sound of woodland critters and grasshoppers chirping.
Kikiki…
Mamamama…
Kikikiki…
Mamama…
DJ's eyes shoot open.
Deee
Jaaay…
Mama…
Deee
Jaaay
Mama…
Slowly, he sits up, crawling towards the entrance of the tent. He takes a peak past the blinders, but all he can see is the fire glaring back at him, and the trees leading deeper into the forest past it. He turns back to the snoozing Geoff, shaking him.
"Geoff! Geoff, wake up!" He whispers, shaking him harder. "Geoff!"
"H-huh? What.. what's up dude?"
"I think there's someone outside!"
"Uh.. did you check?"
"Uh.. yeah."
"Was there?"
"Uh… no."
"Then it's fine…" He immediately conks back out, sleeping against his pillow. DJ sighs.
"Geoff's right. Geoff is right. There's nobody out to get me. That's ridiculous!" He slips back under his covers and hugs his plushie bunny all over again, trying to fall asleep once again.
Deeeeeeeejaaaaaaayyyyy…
Maaaaaaamaaaaaa…
DJ's eyes go wide. He doesn't dare move a muscle.
The sun rises and a new day is upon him. His eyelids are as heavy as cinder blocks, yet his form shakes like a leaf. His pupils are bloodshot, a messy five o' clock shadow on his jaw. Just as he allows himself to close his eyes and get the rest he deserves…
CREEEEEEE!
"Goood morning campers!" The loudspeaker screeches. "It's breakfast time, so hurry along to the mess hall before your challenge 'cuts the brakes out' on your meal time."
Silence.
"Yeah. I don't get paid to write this show. McLean out."
(Confessional: DJ)
"I swear, last night.. I heard a sound that sounded like someone in the woods whispering about me and my mom. He said my name and everything! I haven't gotten a wink of sleep."
(Confessional end)
Gwen sits at the girls table. Well, it used to be the girls table. And before that it was the Gopher table, when her and Trent were still steady and she had her friend by her side. She looks down at the slab of 'meat' on her tray before her eyes drag over to the muffin on a napkin right next to it. She sighs sadly, drumming her fingers against the wooden table.
Eva walks away from Chef's counter, accidentally making eye contact with Gwen for only a moment. With Izzy, Lindsay and Heather eating together on the boys table, and the boys only now coming in, she begins walking toward Gwen. Duncan also stares at Gwen, guilt ridden in his eyes.
(Confessional: Eva)
"Okay.. time to make some allies, right?"
(Confessional end)
Eva sits right across from Gwen, her sheer presence casting a dark, interruptive shadow over Gwen's form. The goth looks up, surprised.
"Hey." Eva bluntly greets, poking at the meat on her plate with a somewhat flustered blush on her face.
"Uh… hey, Eva."
(Confessional: Gwen)
"I wasn't even scared of her. It was more like.. Super awkward. Probably the most awkward conversation I've had on the island yet. But, Eva's not so bad. Especially in comparison to Heather."
(Confessional end)
"I uh.. I like your style. It's cool. Not frilly or sissy in any way." Eva compliments.
"That's.. Nice of you to say. Thanks, Eva." Gwen replies.
"Yeah, don't mention it. Look, uh.." The body builder's leg starts to hop.
"Yeah?"
"We're both girls, right? Like, strong women. Fierce." She grips her fist tight, getting strangely close.
"Um, if you're asking if I swing that way.. yes. but I'm taken. And no offense to you, but you're not really my type."
"W-what?! No! Th-that's not what I meant! I'm straight." Eva stammers back, blushing red as a tomato.
"You are?" Gwen asks, surprised.
Eva rolls her eyes. "Gah, why can't a strong woman want men nowadays? I thought you'd be cool about this."
"Shit, sorry for assuming. Uh, are you into anyone on the island?"
Eva sighs, looking down. "I was into Justin. But I think everyone else is, too."
"Yeah, that guy really isn't my type."
(Confessional: Gwen)
"Okay, maybe he is a little. But come on, was I really gonna say that in front of the girl who maimed a yeti?"
(Confessional end)
"Cool. You were with Trent, that treacherous cheating douchebag. Why are you still with that guy anyway? You're way better than him."
"You think so? It's.. complicated. I really like him, and I think he might be my first love. But at the same time, I can't get him out of my head."
"First loves never last from what I've seen. I don't mean to pry, but we're both kinda outcasts now. I don't wanna see you go home over hurt feelings. So, I was thinking.. Maybe we help each other out. Talk more when we need it, help each other vote, help out in challenges.. As gross as that is."
"Communication is key, dude. I wouldn't mind chatting with you more. This isn't a threat right?" Gwen asks, furrowing her brows.
"No, I'm not threatening you, and if I am, I'm sorry. I don't mean it. Just how I kinda negotiate." Eva nervously replies.
"It's cool. Yeah, I'm cool with being friends." Gwen responds.
"..Thanks." Eva stabs her Salisbury steak and shoves it in her mouth relentlessly, chewing on it like it owed her money to hide her smile.
Chris walks into the room, looking a little cranky today.
"Good morning, campers."
"What's wrong, McLean? Miss out on your morning coffee?" Heather questions tauntingly.
"Heather, dude, you piss me off today and I'll make sure to burn every piece of clothing Lindsay lent you." Chris grumpily states.
"Not my authentic alligator boots or my 'save the hunchback walrus' t-shirts!" Lindsay yelps.
"Anyway.. Today's challenge is an old favorite: The bicycle race." Duncan, Izzy, Lindsay, Owen and Geoff all look excited, with the three guys in the guys alliance who aren't absolutely floored high fiving one another. "But before you can ride a bike, you must build a bike. Follow Chef out of the mess hall and to his shed in ten minutes for the first part of your challenge." Chris walks out, leaving Chef to grumble about teens and breakfast and something about slaving over a hot stove as he drops the sponge he was using to clean the stove to find the keys for his shed.
Chef leads the campers toward the shed, key in hand. DJ falls behind the others, slumped over with his eyes softly closing every few seconds. They jump back open to scan the forest around them, eyes looking for any suspicious figures whispering his name.
Geoff can't help but notice his friend's shaken up, exhausted expression, a worried look on his face. He slows down to walk next to him. "Hey, dude. Holding up okay?"
"AH! Uh.." He yawns, stretching his arms out behind his back. "Y-yeah, man, just.. Didn't sleep much last night."
"Oh, 'cause of the noises, right? Did anything ever come out?" Geoff asks curiously.
"No, but… I definitely heard something saying my name." A chill runs down DJ's spine. He hugs himself tightly.
"Well, to be fair, DJ, you don't do very well in the woods. Like my Bridgette. You guys are kinda scared of the woods at night. Maybe it was like a deer mating call and you just mistook it for that."
DJ stops. "Deers grunt and snarl when they're in heat, Geoff. But.. it could have easily been something like an owl. They cackle and howl. Damn.. did I really lose all that sleep over a mating call?" He pinches his nose, ashamed.
"Afraid so, dude. If there was a killer dude, he'd have killed us by now."
"Aw, man, I'm totally gonna let the alliance down." DJ hides his face in his hands. Geoff places a hand on his shoulder.
"Don't worry, I'll pick up your slack for ya. And if I can, I'll even build your bike for you, dude."
DJ takes his hands off of his face. "You'd do that?
"Of course! You set me up with Bridgette. I'll never be able to pay that debt off, dude. I got you." He smacks his back amorously.
DJ smiles, continuing to follow Chef with his friend. "Thanks, Geoff. You're a real one."
(Confessional: Geoff)
"I really miss Bridgette. I hope she hasn't moved on by now. I haven't been able to reach her too well, like when she was trying to text Courtney. But if you're watching this, babe.. I heart you." He makes a heart with his hands, a wide smile on his face.
(Confessional end)
Chris stands in front of the shed, talking on the phone with someone. "What do you mean the deal fell through? I am the Chris McLean! You get that movie deal back, or I'll fire you!" He hangs up, stuffing the phone in his pocket, closing his eyes to take a deep breath in.
"Ahem." Chef clears his throat, drawing the hosts attention, the teens waiting behind him.
"Oh, right. Welcome to the first part of the challenge, campers. Behind me is Chef's shed, where tons of his junk is stored, including spare parts." The host pulls the doors open, the contestants looking inside at a heap of metal, pedals, seats, wrapping paper, hammers, nails, saws, wood, and even a treadmill.
"You better be paying me back for the money I'ma lose it out on for not selling these parts!" Chef scolds, gritting his teeth. Chris rolls his eyes.
"Working on it."
"How long do we get to build the bikes?" Heather asks.
"Good question. You get two hours to build your bike. When the time's up, you'll ride your bikes to the beach where the broken dock lies, right near the boathouse. You'll find a starting line where the second part of the challenge will begin. It's a three lap race around the island."
"That doesn't sound so bad." Owen says.
"Oh, I'm glad you pointed that out, Owen. Because today is your very first purge challenge."
"Purge..? You mean like that scary movie?" Lindsay questions.
"You mean the movie you were supposed to play the dad character in, until you were offered the role of horrifying maniac instead?" Chef taunts, earning a few laughs from not only himself, but also from Gwen, Duncan, Izzy, Owen, Heather and Geoff. Chris clenches his fists aggressively.
"No! Not like the Purge! In a purge challenge, whoever gets last place will be gone. Done! No voting, no bonfire ceremony, do not collect marshmallow, go straight to the Boat of Losers."
Everyone is in shock. Everyone except DJ, who just yawns. "Huh? Go straight to where?"
"He said-"
"STRAIGHT TO THE BOAT OF LOSERS!" Chris yells over his megaphone, causing DJ and Geoff to plug their ears since he's standing so close. He puts the megaphone down and sighs. "Good luck, campers. Chef and I will be over here, relaxing from a long day of idiocy." The duo walk towards a set of lawn chairs with bags of popcorn in cup holders, laying down next to each other.
(Confessional: Heather)
"So there I was, worried sick about the challenge, all because I never took shop class or had any interest in getting my hands greasy. I can't rely on votes today, so instead I'll rely on another aspect of my alliance. I just wish there was a nerd here I could pressure into doing it for me."
(Confessional: Lindsay)
"Okay, I looove bikes! Me and my sister used to ride our bikes to the ice cream store every few days in summer time. They broke down a lot, so I actually learned how to build them back up and repair them! I think I got this challenge in the bag."
(Confessional end)
We cut to a few minutes into the competition, where everyone is building their bikes. Lindsay gasps when she finds a purple unicorn head in the rubble. "Oh my goodness, this unicorn head reminds me of Sally the Unicorn!"
Owen peaks up from his own bike, which currently looks more like a piece of crust than an actual vehicle. "Oh, I loved that show! Er, I mean- my baby cousin loved that show, hehe. Yeah."
"Aww, it's okay, Omar, I loved it too! When I was a kid, every year I'd ask Santa Clause for a Sally the Unicorn bicycle, and every year I'd get something else instead. One year my parents told me that Santa couldn't deliver such an expensive gift, and so I never got the bike."
Owen is tearing up, his bottom lip quivering. "Santa… never got you your gift…? That's so horrible."
Heather comes up behind Lindsay, tapping her shoulder. "Lindsay."
Lindsay turns around with enthusiasm. "Oh, hey, Heather! Hey, look, I'm gonna make a Sally the Unicorn bike!" She points the horse head at Heather, doing an impression of the cartoon unicorn. "Neiiigh! Friendship is grreaat!"
"Adorable. But look, I need your help."
She lowers the unicorn head. "With what?"
"Building my bike."
Lindsay winces. "Can't you get Izzy to do it?"
Izzy is walking around on all fours with a wrench in her mouth, howling behind her muffled mouth. Heather and Lindsay watch her.
Heather places her hands on Lindsay's shoulders. "No. I can't trust Izzy. I can trust you, though. Will you do it?"
"Um… To be honest, Heather, I kinda wanna do this challenge alone. I'm actually good at it, and I wanna prove to myself that I can win too." Lindsay says, poking her index fingers together nervously.
"So you won't do it?" Heather folds her arms, furrowing her brows.
"Well-"
"Fine, whatever, I guess we're not friends." She turns around, giving her the cold shoulder.
"What?" Lindsay's eyes go wide.
"You heard me. If you don't wanna help me when all I've done is carry you this far, then we're not friends. Friends help each other." She holds her nose up snobbishly.
"But-"
"No, I get it, you don't like me. Fine." She throws her hand up, pretending to get emotional.
Lindsay reaches out desperately. "No, Heather… I'll do it."
Heather turns around, wiping non-existent tears from her eyes. "Really? You'd really do that for me?"
"Yes.. I guess."
Heather hugs her. "You're such a good friend! Maybe even.. My best friend." She whispers.
Lindsay sighs, nodding as they part. "I'll finish mine first, and then-"
"Could you maybe do mine first? I'll be your best friend!" Heather grins. Lindsay groans.
"Ugh.. Fine."
"Love you, babe!" Heather exclaims, walking away to find a rock to sit on.
(Confessional: Lindsay)
"I got goosebumps when Heather said we weren't friends anymore. What was I supposed to do? She has been carrying me this whole time, so I owe it to her to help her out."
(Confessional: Heather)
"Too easy. Poor Lindsay, if only she had something more well rounded and assertive in that skull of hers."
(Confessional end)
One Hour Later.
"See any winners, Chef?" Chris asks, looking around the field of bikes and garbage. Chef leans forward, looking around. He spots Izzy, standing next to Eva and her bike, a hot rod with red flame streaks and a motorcycle design, but with wooden petals instead of a motor.
"Check it out, Eva! I call her the Hot Dog! Or, was it Hot Rod?" Izzy exclaims, showing her off with two dazzling jazz hands. Eva puts her hands on her hips and examines the vehicle.
"Impressive work. Check this out." She picks up her bike with ease, but it's really more like a treadmill with wheels and a steering wheel attached to the front. "I call it the Treadmiller. Designed with only the most devoted athlete's in mind."
"Woah! I'm totally impressed right now, Eva!" Izzy shouts, looking at the bike in amazement.
"Hey, Gwen, you see my ride yet?" Eva asks, dropping it onto the floor next to the goth.
Gwen looks up from spray painting a skull onto her bike, which looks more like an unfinished yet radical set of demon wings on top of a polished, urban smelling bike. "Does that count as a bike? It looks awesome, regardless."
"Thanks. And it better. No adjustments need to be made." She punches her fist against her palm. "What's your bike going to look like?"
Gwen, on her knees, explains. "I'm going for something gothic yet lifeless. I really want to capture how my heart feels when I'm left alone with my thoughts."
"Woah. That's deep."
Gwen shakes the spray can. "Eh. I've always been into this kind of thing. Art comes naturally to me."
"I know what you mean. I started doing my own art when I was seven." Eva replies.
"You did? Are you any good?" Gwen asks.
"I'm the greatest interpretive wall artist in the whole world."
"Interpretive wall art..?"
"It's when you punch a hole in the wall, and then another, and another until you get a design that displays how you feel. It rules." A small smile tugs on Eva's lips.
"Oh… that actually sounds pretty cool." Gwen says, genuine.
"Heh, thanks. Maybe I'll show you my work sometime."
(Confessional: Gwen)
"Okay, I can't believe I'm saying this, but Eva is kind of cool."
(Confessional: Eva)
"I cannot believe I'm saying this.. But Gwen's really cool."
(Confessional end)
Duncan, Geoff and Owen gather around, with DJ sleeping on the floor behind them, sprawled out on his stomach. Duncan hammers the screws into the wheels of his bike, while Geoff is busy sketching something out on a big sketchpad next to his completed bike, a Californian styled pink bike with a basket on the front to hold a can of soda. Owen pumps his tire full of gas.
"This reminds me of my first ever wipeout. I got launched so bad that my collarbone popped out. Docs had to hold me down 'cause I was screaming so much just so they could pop the bone back in." Duncan explains, smirking.
Geoff cackles. "Awhahaha! Gnarly, dude. My first major wipeout was right into this chick's house I used to date. I was riding down the hill when all of a sudden, boom, the wheel comes off! Next thing I knew, I was laying on the floor of her living room with shards of glass lodged in me! I was crying for hours."
"Aw man, mine was the worst! I was riding with my brothers when we got to this four way street. I was looking out for my young brother Gavin, so I didn't see the car coming down when it hit me. I skidded a mile down the road, the skin was peeling down the sides of my legs like a banana peel. Got so bad that I needed to be sedated just so the docs could stitch me back up." Owen adds.
They all sigh collectively. "Good times." They say in unison.
Lindsay wipes sweat from her brow, looking down at her handy work. Heather's bike has devil wings and a dark gray color scheme, with a pretty little heart design to signify their fierce relationship. Lindsay stands up and finds Heather filing her nails on a rock.
"Heather, Heather, it's finished." Lindsay chirps. Heather stands up and follows her to the bike, gasping.
"Wow.. I'm impressed. Good job, Lindsay. You're relieved from your duties." Heather compliments.
"Yay! Now I get to make my Sally Unicorn bike!" Lindsay claps.
"Sure, whatever." Heather drags her bike back to the rock.
A half hour later…
Geoff shoots some glue on the basket of his bike, then pastes his artistic masterpiece. It's a drawn picture of Bridgette. "Ladies and gentleman, I call her… Bridgette." he sniffles, standing proud. Owen and Duncan nod in approval. Right next to his bike is DJ's, which looks flimsier, with a green color scheme and a drawn picture of DJ on the basket and a pillow in it.
"I'm done, too!" Owen exclaims, showing off a bicycle stylized like a piece of pizza on wheels with a breadstick steering column and pepperoni pedals.
"Tasty lick, Owen!" Geoff praises.
"Literally! Hehe!" Owen enthuses.
"Check out my baby girl, boys. Let's call her.. Lexi." A hot rod with a motor, painted red with a fiery green streak in the middle stands before Duncan. It's a makeshift dirt bike.
"Aw, man. Stacey's a beaut, dude." Geoff says, sparkles in his eyes.
"I'd park her anytime anywhere." Owen adds.
"Not bad, Duncan." Gwen compliments, finally standing up from behind her complete bike. "How'd you do it?"
"I like stripping vehicles and selling their parts for cash. I noticed there was a motorbike in there, so.." Duncan explains, spinning a wrench in his hand. Chef leans up out of his seat.
"Wait a minute! He dismantled my Betsy!" The cook points at the delinquent.
"Relax, Chef. I'll buy you a new one." Chris nonchalantly says. "After all, I never made any rules on what can be used to build your bike."
Chef picks Chris up by his shirt, shaking him. "With what money, huh?! With what money?!"
Duncan walks up to him. "Take it easy, dude. When I win the challenge, you can have Lexi back."
Chef drops Chris, getting in Duncan's face. "Betsy's her name."
"That's the name of some ugly chick. Lexi is the name of a hottie with brown hair wearing a red dress." Duncan rebuttals.
"Your taste in women is grotesque."
"Your face is grotesque, butterball." He pokes Chef's chest.
"Oh, you'll pay for that, son. Just you wait." He growls, walking away completely. Chris rolls his eyes.
"What a baby. I own multiple sports cars, he owns one bike. Someone should really start paying him. Okay, campers, stroll your bikes to the beach, and I'll meet you there." He climbs aboard his ATV as the contestants begin to drag their bikes toward the beach. Geoff finds DJ, standing over him.
"Hey, DJ. Yo, dude. We're heading out, I made your bike, man."
DJ's eyes flutter open, a yawn escaping his lips. The shadow of a large figure lingers over him. He jumps, falling on his butt in fear as he holds his chest and breathes heavily.
"Dude, you good?" Geoff asks, bending down to help him up. DJ looks around, coming to his senses before taking his buddy's hand.
"Yeah.. sorry, man. Just still shaken up a bit." DJ replies.
"Say it with me, man. There is no psycho killer lookin' for you."
DJ nods. "There is no psycho killer lookin' for me."
"Good. Alright, let's go win this challenge!" Geoff pats his back, running towards his bike.
(Confessional: DJ)
"I'm not some scaredy cat pansy. No offense to people who are, but I'm used to being the man of the house. I'm usually bold, not meek. But look, if you thought, no, you knew there was someone whispering your name deep in the woods and none of your friends believed you, wouldn't you be scared too?"
(Confessional end)
As the contestants stroll their bikes down to the beach, Lindsay squeezes the unicorn head on her Sally the Unicorn bike, a beautiful pink bike made up of the best parts she could find and a unicorn's head attached to the steering wheel like an attachment.
(Confessional: Lindsay)
"So maybe I hoarded some spare parts for myself so I could build my dream bike, but come on, it was SO worth it!"
(Confessional end)
December 24th, 2013
A teeny tiny seven year old Lindsay sits on her daddy's lap, her mother baking cookies in the background of the gorgeous dining room decorated for Santa Clause. Her blonde hair drapes down her back, a cute elf costume on her body.
Her father's arms enclose around her as he holds a pen in one hand, a piece of paper on the table in front of them.
"Okay, honey, tell me what you wanna write out for Santa." Her warm father states.
"Okay, daddy! Ahahem.. Dear Sanna Clause, it's me, Lindsay! I've been a really, really, really good girl this year, even better than my sister Tina."
"Hey, no competition between sisters." Her mother butts in sweetly.
"Oookay.. But I've been really good, and so I think this year I'll definitely get my Sally the Unicorn bicycle! I know you missed my last two letters and sent me those other really nice gifts, but I've brushed my teeth and cleaned my room and got C's on all of my classes this year, so I think I d-deserrt it!"
Her parents look between each other, her father's writing slowing to a stop.
"Is there.. Anything else you want this year, princess?" Mr. Mills asks.
"Mm.. nope! I'll be extra good and ask for only one thing from Sanna! He'll give me my bike for sure." Lindsay effortlessly replies, kicking her feet excitedly.
Mrs. Mills crouches down to her daughter's level. "Lindsay.. I'm sorry, but I think that that bicycle might be too expensive for Santa Claus to transport."
Lindsay looks up at her dad. "Sanna has to worry about money..?"
He looks down at her, hesitating on what to tell her. "Well, yes. Just like dad, Santa is a business man. It's been a hard few years for us both, and Santa confided in me that things have been tough at his workshop in Denver."
"The North Pole, dear." His wife corrects.
"Right, the North Pole."
"But… I've been good."
"I know, honey. You're always good. Too good. Let's try to think of something else to ask Santa, okay?"
Lindsay sniffles, holding back tears. Her parents embrace her to console her. "Okay…"
Back in the present, Lindsay walks with her bike, hugging the Sally head as she squees into the material.
All of the contestants make it to the starting line, sitting on top of their bikes before the finish line. Chris stands to the side, a checkered flag in his hands. Chef stands next to him wearing a bikini with glamorous glitter pasted on it, holding signs that read 'Ready', 'Get set' and 'Go!' The contestants look either petrified of his bulging, hairy stomach and chest, or giggle under their hands at the sight of his bulge. He growls at them, throwing the signs down before walking away.
"Cheeef! Come back! We need you to count down, buddy!" Chris whines.
"Fuck off!" Chef yells, trotting off in his high heels.
"Harsh. You kids really suck." Chris says.
"What did you want us to say? Nice bod?" Eva asks.
"Like I said, harsh." Chris replies.
DJ's tire completely flattens, his body crushing it under his weight, his face landing on the pillow. "Hey, Chris. I have a problem over here."
Chris walks up to him, hands behind his back as he looks down at him. "What's up, DJ?"
"Uh.. I'd like to use my pass." He takes out the slip of paper from his pocket.
"Oh, you wanna skip this challenge?" Chris questions.
"Yeah." DJ answers, slowly standing up.
"Aw, you don't like racing, dude? I hope the bike wasn't the issue. I kinda made it fast." Geoff says.
"Uh.. nah, man, you're good." DJ slowly answers.
"Well, okay. DJ gets automatic immunity." Chris announces, throwing his arms up in the air after claiming DJ's pass. DJ sighs with relief.
"So unfair.." Heather mumbles.
"You got a problem, take it up with your contract. The Pass rules were in there." Chris replies. Heather rolls her eyes.
(Confessional: DJ)
"I love Geoff. He's one of my best friends. But damn, that dude can be dense as hell sometimes. He could have killed me with that thing!"
(Confessional end)
DJ walks toward the sidelines, sitting on the broken deck. Chris continues. "Anywho.. Let's go over the rules for today's challenge: there are none! You'll be driving your bikes around the island in three laps. The island takes about three and a half minutes to ride around once, so this should take around twelve minutes to finish the race. Whoever comes in first will be able to keep their bike forever. And whoever loses…"
He points his thumb in the direction of the Dock of Shame.
"Oh, and don't let me forget, there are booby traps all around the island. Oil slicks, minefields, bumpy terrain, mudslides, the works." He continues, grinning.
"You didn't tell us about that before!" Gwen shouts.
"Oops. Oh well, you've all dealt with worse. Ya made it this far! Now, are you ready to begin?" Chris shouts.
"YEEEEAHHHH, WOO-WOO! WOOHOO!" Izzy screams, pumping her fists in the air.
"On your marks.. Get set… GO!" Chris pumps the flag, the contestants speeding ahead. Duncan immediately takes first place with his dirt bike, with everyone else trailing behind. Eva runs to build up speed on her treadmill, the fuel to the vehicle's power. It rolls forward in third place behind Lindsay, who's bike, despite its girliness, is speeding along the way. Izzy comes in fourth, riding next to Eva.
"Isn't this the greatest challenge ever, Eva!?"
"Leave me alone, fire crotch!" Eva howls, burning calories with each step. She speeds past Izzy.
"Kay, bye!" Izzy replies, waving wildly.
Behind them, Gwen and Heather race next to each other. Gwen grins as an idea comes to her mind. "Hey, Heather!"
Heather turns her head toward the goth. "What?!"
Gwen slams her bike against Heather's, knocking her back a bit. "Hey! Stop!"
"You ruined my relationship. Now, I'm gonna ruin your winning streak!" She once again bumps into Heather, this time ramming her into spinning out and falling off of her bike, her clothes tattered and stained by sand. She stands up and stomps her foot as the other bikers pass her - first Owen then Geoff.
"This isn't over, gothy!" She picks her bike back up, following in last place behind the boys.
(Confessional: Heather)
"Gwen is so dead. She got my only clothes left dirty! Ugh, what do they expect me to do, walk around naked?"
(Confessional end)
Entering the forest, the bumpy terrain becomes evident. However, Duncan is undeterred on his dirt bike. A cloud of dirt trails behind him, but he does slow down a bit so he doesn't crash or spin out. Lindsay rides next to him, catching up on pure adrenaline and enthusiasm.
"Yeeeeehaaaaww, this is one wild ride!" Duncan yells, swinging his arm above his head.
"I know, right?" Lindsay replies, smiling at him.
(Confessional: Duncan)
"However that girl caught up with a dirt bike while she was riding a My Pretty Pony bike is beyond me. But damn, I'm impressed."
(Confessional end)
Despite his lead, Duncan, Lindsay and Eva, riding on the main road, are unaware of Izzy and Gwen taking things off road to cut corners and take back first and second place. Geoff and Owen lag behind, but nobody lags harder than Heather, who only now makes it into the woods. The bumpy terrain shakes all three of them up and down, but they persevere. The only other obstacles here are trees and rocks that are easy enough to pass by.
"The woods are the easy part, hehe! Now, the campers are heading into the second half of the beach, where the mountains hang and the mines are plentiful!" Chris maniacally shouts, a tablet in his hand so he can watch the action. DJ looks down at him from the dock with a raised, concerned brow.
A mine goes off on Gwen as soon as she enters the beach, throwing her into a front flip that lands her on her wheels. She coughs, stopping in complete shock. Izzy passes her.
"Don't worry! They're non lethal!" Chris shouts over the megaphone. Gwen nods, beginning to ride again just as Duncan and Eva pass her. Izzy has already passed all of them, easily avoiding every hidden mine despite the fact that they're unseeable.
"How is she doing that?" DJ asks, pointing at the screen.
(Confessional: Izzy)
"Back when the RCMP had me in their custody, they trained me to detect bombs with just my nose! Yeah, they say I'm like, totally superhuman! Cool, huh?"
(Confessional end)
Duncan and Eva pass into the beach next, with Lindsay riding their coattails. Eva gets launched by a mine up into the sky, but she's able to steer herself on top of a mountain, saving herself and her bike before riding down it to catch up later.
Duncan narrowly avoids several mines, each of them rocking him and his ride as they detonate behind him. "AH! T-that's all you got McLean?!"
"Nope! But this is just the first round, so for now.. Yes." Chris says to himself, an evil smirk on his face. Izzy passes him, riding merrily as fast as she can and being the first to get to the second lap. "And Izzy sticks first place!"
Duncan is able to miss enough mines to shoot into second place, speeding into the second lap. Since Lindsay just followed him and kept up her speed, she was able to pass third, riding behind him. Gwen and Eva get into fourth and fifth respectively, with Geoff and Owen just making it to the beach only to be hit by mines, clearing the way for Heather to pass them as they fall on top of their bikes, smoke coming from them.
"Eugh.. wicked wipeout, dude.." Geoff mutters.
"I know.. So cool.." Owen mumbles back. The two slowly get back on their feet, picking their bikes up to continue the race. Heather looks behind her shoulder at them and snickers, getting sixth place. Shortly after, Owen and Geoff are able to pass seventh and eighth.
"We're officially in the second lap, people!" Chris announces over the megaphone as the campers pass him by. "Good luck! Things are about to get spicy!" He pushes a button, setting off boulders to roll down hills and make hazards for not just the contestants, but also the ocean and its various creatures. Izzy doesn't see one coming until it's too late, screaming as she's side swiped by the giant rolling thing and knocked off her bike, which thankfully didn't get hit as hard.
Duncan is able to drive through them faster than anyone else, and catches first place when Izzy gets knocked down, with Lindsay still driving behind him. But unbeknownst to both of them, Eva is coming. She punches every rock in front of her into tiny pieces, running on her treadmill car like Fred Flintstone all the way to first place. She screams gutterily as she passes Duncan, veins popping in her neck and forehead. Duncan looks disgusted.
(Confessional: Duncan)
"I've seen girlier chicks in prison."
(Confessional: Eva)
"My personal trainer would be so proud!" She salutes, a single tear falling down her face.
(Confessional end)
Owen manages to use the pizza shape of his bike to duck under most boulders just before they crush him. However, one manages to crush the back of his bike, launching him toward first place into the woods. He screams his head off the whole descent there, however, just before falling onto his tires. "I'm okay? Haha! I'm okay!"
Eva passes him, slapping the back of his head. "Stay down, Owen!"
"Owww…." He grunts, slowly pedaling forward. Duncan and Lindsay pass him as he starts back up, but he takes fourth place. Back at the beach, Gwen, Heather, Geoff and Izzy remain. Izzy manages to get back on her bike after swimming out of the ocean, but finds herself in last place. Heather and Gwen swat at each other pathetically as they enter the woods, and Geoff manages to get squashed by every boulder. However, his bike remains intact.
"Aww.. Bridgette.. You protected me..! I think I ruptured something, but we're gonna win, baby!" He hops back on the bike, at the very least his arm broke, before riding towards the woods. Izzy gets behind him, planning to throw him off his bike. She stands on the pedals, only to find herself accidentally shifting the weight of the bike towards a shortcut that throws her off her original objective.
"Not what I wanted, but still cool!" She sits back down, petal to the metal.
"Duncan's in first, with Lindsay and Eva neck and neck but oh so far from him! Then Owen struggles to keep up, sweating profusely. Peeyew! Izzy took a shortcut that's got her just behind Owen. Gwen and Heather are still fighting like little kids, and that leaves our favorite surfer dude in dead last place." Chris commentates, watching the screen like an Ipad baby, completely entranced.
Duncan, Lindsay and Eva drive onto the beach. Duncan turns to look at the girls, and just as he does, an intern pours a bucket of oil down on the track. "Oil slick!" Eva shouts, running herself up the hill the intern is on before completely running him over to maintain her lead. He twitches, groaning in pain. Duncan turns around, too late. He spins out, falling into the black, gooey liquid, making sure to keep his mouth and eyes closed as he goes down. His bike is wiped out next to him. He groans in pain, a word that sorta sounds like mommy. The other campers pass him, dodging the oil slick.
"Ooh, and Duncan goes from first to last!"
Geoff stops his bike, running back into the oil slick to pick up his friend, not thinking about it for a second. "You okay, dude?"
"Geoff.. You came back for me?"
"We're a team! Of course I did." Geoff replies.
Duncan smiles. "Let's win this thing."
The two get back on their vehicles. Duncan's is slow to start, but Geoff doesn't leave until the bike has started. When it does, the oil is blown off by the engine nearly exploding, before the bike trails off toward the third lap line. Geoff rides behind him, grinning competitively.
(Confessional: Geoff)
"I might be going home today, but I'll be going home a friend. A dude. A part of the guy's alliance! I'm okay with that."
(Confessional end)
Chris watches as the campers pass him by. "The third lap is in effect! No boobie traps, just pure skill! And remember, whoever loses this one ends up on the Boat of Losers!"
The pressure is on. Eva nearly bursts a blood vessel as she takes charge and leads into the woods, a new record. The Treadmiller goes faster the harder she runs, its wheels turning as if they were the wheels of a sports car.
Though Owen is doing good, he is passed by Izzy, Heather and Gwen during this section of the race, the sweat on his big body catching up to him, as well as the bumping of his chest. "Come on, baby..!" He groans, passed by Duncan, too. Lindsay is also feeling the heat, as her adrenaline fizzles out and she goes slower to catch up with her heart rate, allowing Izzy, Owen and Gwen to pass her. She heads into the woods behind Owen.
In the woods, Gwen finally shoves Heather away from her, also shoving her off of her bike and onto the floor, the goth picking up speed and passing her. Lindsay hesitates, wanting to help Heather. Duncan speeds past her. Ultimately, she gets off her bike and runs to pick Heather up.
"Are you okay?!"
"Yes! Fine! Get off!" Heather shouts, mounting her bike to head onto the road after shoving Lindsay away from her. Geoff passes both of them. Lindsay watches her go sadly, sniffling from the push. But she comes to her senses and realizes what she must do, jumping on her Sally bike before taking the shortcut as fast as she can.
Eva makes it out of the woods first, a complete machine. She skips the oil slick and rides her way all the way to the finish line, finishing first before anyone else. "Congratulations, Eva! You're in first place!" Chris celebrates. Eva smashes into a wall, her nose bleeding as she falls to the ground, saliva trailing from her mouth as she twitches on the sand. "Ooh.. should I call a medic?"
Eva shakes her head no.
"Cool! Here come the rest of your castmates!" Chris replies, watching as Izzy and Gwen nearly tie. Izzy barely edges her out however, jumping off of her bike and onto her knees to scream at the top of her lungs like Tarzan.
"I AM THE CHAMPION! WOO!" Her face is red, hair slick and sticky with sweat. Gwen skids her bike to a halt, stopping after the finish line.
"Woo.. still in!" Gwen sighs.
"And at a good placement, too. Third place." Chris replies. He turns back toward the remaining contestants. Owen, pushing as hard as he can, bless his heart, finally makes it to the finish line, his peperoni petals rusted and near breaking.
"Ah… ah… ahh… Finished…" The pizza bike breaks under his weight.
Duncan zooms in behind him, breaking right behind the finish line. "C-can I get a towel over here?"
"Hm.. fine." Chris pulls out a hand towel, tossing it to the punk. He eagerly takes it, wiping his face down.
"Thanks." Duncan says.
It's a three-way race for not last place. Geoff is ahead of the girls by a good bit, while Heather and Lindsay appear from the woods at the same time. Lindsay soars ahead of her, and all three of them miss the oil slick. Geoff makes it first, earning sixth place.
Heather sees an opening as Lindsay's blonde, straight hair moves beautifully in the wind. She pushes herself as hard as she can, with Lindsay almost at the finish line. Heather reaches forward, and…
Tug!
Lindsay flies off of her bike. Her bike makes it past the finish line, skidding all the way there before breaking into several pieces. But she does not. Heather breaks as she passes, securing seventh place. Lindsay's body is bruised, her clothes sandy and her spirit demolished. Her heart breaks as she slowly stands up and drags herself toward the finish line.
"Heather wins! Which means…" Chris and the others all look toward Lindsay. When she sees what happened to her bike, she gasps, tears ruining her make-up.
"No, no, no! Sally! S-somebody call a vet!" She sprints toward the bike, getting on her knees to fix it, put it back together, anything. DJ jumps down and tries to help her, but ultimately, the bike cannot be salvaged. Everyone looks at her with pity, with sadness, with disappointment that she lost and Heather won. Everyone except the girl herself. Heather laughs, sputtering into a chuckle. Lindsay sniffles, standing up to look at her supposed BFFFL, as does everyone else.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, you're just so… pathetic, Lindsay." Heather states, wiping a tear from her face.
"W-what?"
"I've been holding it back for ages now. But, you really are the stupidest person I've ever met." Heather states.
"How could you say that? We're bff's! We were supposed to go to the final three together! We were… I loved you. And you hurt me." She brushes her hair, her scalp still in jolting pain from the tug.
"It's no hard feelings, honey, but you were going to be eliminated sooner or later anyway." Heather discloses, folding her arms as she stares her down.
"Aren't you even sad I'm going home?" The blonde's tears start to dry as she approaches Heather, her sadness and confusion transforming.
"Truth?" Lindsay nods. "Not really, no." Lindsay gasps. Everyone glares at her. "I mean, thanks for the clothes and the accessories, but come on, did you really think we were gonna stay friends after all of this? We're here to get rich and famous, not to make friends."
"Ooh, that's cold, bruh." Duncan states.
"Hah, talk to Gwen and Trent about cold, convict." Heather swings her hair. Duncan rolls his eyes, trying to act natural.
"What do we have to do with anything?" Gwen asks, raising an eyebrow.
"It doesn't matter. Lindsay is gone. We can move on now. Glare at me all you want, but this is how the game works, people. I'm immune." Heather walks away, or tries to.
"This week." Eva growls.
"You really are mean. And all that stuff people say about you is true!" Heather turns around, a hand on her hip. Lindsay's eyebrows furrow as she glares at her. "Like, that you're a two faced, backstabbing lying little cunt who's only friends are the guys who hang behind the school and pay you to rearrange your guts and fuck your stuck up, disease ridden whore taint just so you can feel like you've accomplished something in your worthless, leeching, bitch-ass life!"
The insult, in its entirety, uncensored. The producers couldn't help themselves. Heather's eyes go wide, her jaw dropping to the floor. Chris watches in amusement, the rest of the cast shocked by her choice of words, aside from Gwen who's heard it from LeShawna before.
"TELL HER HOW IT IS!" Eva yells, pumping her fist. Others cheer for her. Lindsay takes a stance, taking a few more steps toward her ex best friend.
"I always defended you. I fought LeShawna and Gwen and even Beth for you! But they were right! You really are a two-faced, backstabbing lying little cunt who's only friends are the guys who hang behind the school and pay you to rearrange your guts and fuck your stuck up, disease ridden whore taint just so you can feel like you've accomplished something in your worthless, leeching, bitch-ass life!"
Owen and Chris laugh with her, high fiving each other. Heather, embarrassed, walks away, the other contestants laughing at her or cheering for Lindsay. A mosh pit is formed to carry Lindsay like the Queen she is, all the way to the cabins so she can collect her stuff.
At the Dock of Shame, Lindsay holds her luggage, the cast waiting for her as the sky casts orange, dusk upon them. Chef waits for her in the Boat of Losers as she approaches Izzy. "Goodbye, Izzy. You were a great friend. Don't listen to Heather anymore, okay?"
"Aye-aye, Lindsay! Miss you!" Izzy hugs her, with Lindsay squeezing back. The blonde walks past her, standing in front of the boys, DJ, Geoff, Owen and Duncan.
"You guys were so nice, helping each other in the race, listening to my silly stories.. I'll miss you most of all, Om- Owen!"
Owen sniffles, hugging her tight whilst lifting her off the ground. "Me too!" She's startled, but pats his head before moving toward Eva and Gwen.
"I'm bad with goodbye's.. Good luck, Lindsay." Eva says, folding her arms whilst looking away.
"Aww, thanks, Ava. And, Gwen.. I'm really sorry for helping Heather all those times."
Gwen sighs. "It's.. okay? I guess? I feel bad about what happened to you, Lindsay. I hope you find someone you can really be friends with."
"Thanks!" Lindsay passes them, heading for the boat. Heather stands at the end, glaring at her. "You can keep my clothes, Heathen. I don't really need them anymore. I have a boyfriend now, who will buy me anything I want 'cause he loves me, same team or not."
"It's Heather, moron."
"I know." She steps onto the Boat of Losers, waving her fellow contestants goodbye. "So long! Kick Heather's butt for me!" Chef speeds off. Heather rolls her eyes, walking away with her fists clenched as the others wave her off.
"Wait! I almost forgot!" Owen yells, running to the edge of the dock. "Stop that boat!"
Lindsay hears him, walking towards Chef. "Wait, Chef, Owen has something for me!"
"Eugh..! Fine!" He turns the boat around and stops it at the dock, lighting a cigarette and smoking it out the window. Lindsay stands at the edge of the boat as Owen strolls her Sally the Unicorn bike into her hands. She gasps.
"Oh my gosh! You fixed it! How did you-"
Duncan sighs, smirking. "With a little bit of elbow grease.."
"Some unicorn magic!" Owen sings.
DJ continues. "Love, compassion, and friendship.."
Geoff finishes. "Anything is possible, dude."
Lindsay hugs her bike wholesomely, smiling at the boys with one last wave goodbye. "I love you guys! Goodbye!"
Chris stands at the side of the dock, ready to sign off. "Farewell, Lindsay. This competition just lost it's foxiest player. And with that, nine becomes eight. Is Heather's luck up as all of her alliances crumble beneath her? Will Duncan ever come clean to Gwen? And is it true that I got cast as another Hollywood villain? All these answers and more will be answered on the next exciting episode of…
Total!
Drama!
Island!"
Mid Credits
The Boat of Losers drops Lindsay off, with Chef following behind her. He stops to stomp out his cigarette on the dock, while Lindsay is immediately met with Tyler, Beth and Katie and Sadie waiting for her.
"Eeeeeeeehhhh!" Lindsay screams.
The girls reply, "Eeeeeeeeeeehhhhh!" As a group hug is formed. Tyler smiles, Noah pushing him on the back.
"Go get her, tiger."
"It's Tyler, dude."
"Eugh." The bookworm walks away. Tyler walks up to Lindsay, embracing her in a hug.
"Oh my gosh, I missed you soooo much!" Lindsay chirps, giving him kisses all over his face.
He chuckles adorably. "I missed you too! There's tons of fan mail for you here, from like, your folks and stuff."
"Yeah! You have more fan mail than anyone else on the show!" Beth exclaims.
"Anyone else but Owen. That guy is wicked popular." Tyler corrects.
"Oh my gosh, can we watch you do your interview, Lindsay?" Sadie asks.
"Interview?" Lindsay asks.
Chef walks up behind her. "Yeah, every contestant must be interviewed for promotional reasons. I wanna get this over with."
Katie scoffs. "You always wanna get it over with, he can be so mean!"
"Sooo mean!" Sadie agrees.
"Whatever. Come on." Chef leads the pact, sitting on his usual bench. Lindsay sits across from him, with the others sitting next to her or standing by the bench. Beth and Tyler sit by her sides.
"Oh, before you start, I saw what you said, Lindsay. I forgive you, like, completely!"
"Oh yay! I was so worried you'd hold a grudge against me." Lindsay stammers, hugging Beth's head.
"No way! You're the bestest friend I've ever had." The dorky girl replies.
"Wow, that is sad." Chef jokes.
"Hey!" Beth and Lindsay yell.
"Ahem, I mean, uh, Lindsay, what's your full name?"
"Lindsay Anne Mills. Anne is my middle name. Isn't it pretty?" Lindsay asks.
"OMG, so pretty!" Sadie answers.
"Gorgeous.." Tyler flirts, holding her chin amorously.
"What are your likes and dislikes?"
"Um… I like everything! Like, nice people and lip gloss, and ice cream, and I love the holidays! Especially Halloween and Christmas, ooh and I love dressing up on Easter too! I look adorable in my bunny costume!"
"B-bunny costume?" Tyler questions, either aroused or confused. It's hard to tell.
"I just dislike mean people! They're the worst. That and I hate breaking a nail, that's the worst thing that could ever happen to someone."
"Oh, so true." Katie adds.
"I wish it was, Lindsay. Next question, what is your favorite food?" Chef asks.
"Ooh, I love strawberry birthday cake! I always get it on my birthday, so it must be special. And it tastes like an angel's wings!~"
"You look like a wing. Er, an angel, I mean." Tyler blushes, messing up as Lindsay giggles.
Chef growls in disgust. "Next. Dream job?"
"My dream job is to totally be a model! I mean, look at me!"
"You would make a beautiful model!" Beth compliments.
"We get it! She's pretty!" Chef barks, more angry than usual.
"Aww, are you upset because we all laughed at you in that bikini?" Lindsay questions.
"Shut up! That didn't happen."
"Uh, yeah it did." Tyler points out.
"No. It didn't." Chef grumbles, leaning over the table. He sits back down and inhales, then exhales. "How's your home life, girl?"
"Oh, it's great! I have an awesome younger sister who's always there for me, hi Tina! My daddy's a businessman, or like, an office worker, one of the two. I always get them confused! And my mom stays home and takes care of us. School's really tricky, but I think if I really work at it, I can graduate freshman year this year!"
Beth looks concerned. "Freshman year..? Um.. Lindsay-"
"Hush! I don't wanna drag this out. Final question. You ready?" Chef asks.
"Oh, this is always the hardest one. Okay, I'm ready."
"What would you have done with the money had you won?"
"Oh, I would have definitely gone to Paris, wherever that is. It's sooo romantic over there! Then…" Lindsay stops, looking at the Sally the Unicorn bike the guys built backup for her. She smiles. "You know what? It doesn't matter. I made enough good memories to justify losing 100,000 dollars."
"Aww.. that's the sweetest thing I've ever heard!" Katie squeals.
"Group hug!" Sadie echoes, the friends hugging in one big ball. Chef tries to look mean and nasty.. But he can't help himself, standing up and walking around the bench to hug them all and weep into Lindsay's hair. Yeah, he made it weird.
Credits continue.