Shape of the Heart – Four-leaf Clover
By Fox McCloude
Disclaimer: The Quintessential Quintuplets and all related characters belong to Haruba Negi. All rights reserved.
Chapter 28: Kyoto trip, Part 1
Asahiyama High, Class 3-1…
Once they were out of the national exams pressures, the school's rhythm slowed down back to normal. The students were now relaxed and free of worries, at least for the most part. However, while Takeda and Ohyama were talking to the class about the next school trip, Fuutarou had other things to think about.
In particular, when he was reminded that the destination would be Kyoto. He hadn't gone there for almost six years. Going back there would surely make him relive many things, things he thought he'd long left behind.
'Rena…' he thought right then.
He could still hear echoing in his head the last words she said, before she'd vanished from his life. "If that girl really loves you, don't let her go". It seemed so simple to follow, just to accept Ichika and try and pursue a relationship with her.
But lately, he wasn't so certain about it. There was something else to take into account, his own feelings. The boy had never doubted about Ichika's feelings for him, as the eldest Nakano had showed him over and over how much she cared for him. And to know that only made him feel even guiltier for not returning them. He thought that, given some time to accept her, he would feel the same, but that wasn't the case.
And not because Ichika was a bad girl or because he didn't like her, but because deep down, before he realized, there was someone else his heart had fallen for.
'How did I get into this?' he thought. His conscience wouldn't leave him alone. He had a beautiful girlfriend who loved him, yet he was looking at another girl? And not just any girl, but one of her sisters. Even more surprising by the fact they were identical quintuplets.
However, interacting with those sisters for almost an entire year made him appreciate both the similarities and differences among them. And of course, with Ichika and Yotsuba being the ones he spent the most time with, it was even more notable with them.
Both were popular, outgoing, and could easily win people over, but each one did it her own way. Ichika was charismatic and sociable, aside from the fact she was earning some reputation as an actress, while Yotsuba was more the type who made everyone have fun, without downplaying her athletic capacities, which despite not making a lot of noise lately, he knew people would talk about her once the volleyball team started competing. It was just a matter of time before their names sounded all over the school, and maybe even the city and beyond.
Point was, knowing both the similarities and differences, made him realize a lot of things. Although each girl had many qualities that would make her attractive, Fuutarou had time to think not only about the kind of person he wanted a relationship with, but also the type of relationship he wanted with that person.
And as much as it pained him to admit it, that wouldn't be possible with Ichika.
"Uesugi-san… Uesugi-san?"
"Eh?" The high-pitched voice snapped him out of his trance. He turned around to see Yotsuba sitting on the desk in front of him. "Sorry, did you say something?"
"Hey, you alright? You've been a little distracted lately," the ribbon girl asked.
"Looks like he still hasn't shaken off the tension of the national exams," Ichika suggested. "Is that it, Fuutarou-kun?"
"Not exactly," he said. "Just… too many things in my head lately."
"Well, then try and relax," said Yotsuba. "The school trip to Kyoto will be a great chance for all of us to have some fun."
"Speaking of that, should you be coming?" Fuutarou asked. "Aren't you supposed to have practice with the volley club?"
"Ah, no need to worry about that," the fourth sister assured. "It'll be just three days, and the preliminaries will start the week after we come back. They say it'll be fine as long as I don't have accidents or something else that leaves me out."
"By the way, Fuutarou-kun, have you already decided your group for the trip?" Ichika asked, sliding her hand over his suggestively. "If you haven't, we could go together, just you and me."
The offer sounded tempting, but something made him refuse. The groups were to be up to five people, so he thought it would make more sense for the Nakano sisters to go all together, and he wasn't sure if the others would take it well if one went with him instead. Besides, he'd already made his own plans.
"To be honest… Maeda and Takeda invited me already, to make a group the three of us. If that's not a problem for you?" he quietly inquired.
Fuutarou could see the disappointment in Ichika's face, but the eldest sister quickly smiled again. "That's a pity. Oh well, maybe next time."
"Too bad they won't let us make bigger groups, but it can't be helped," said Yotsuba, then raised her fist in the air. "Even so, let's do our best to have fun, and make it a trip with no regrets!"
The two sisters went to meet up with the other three, leaving Fuutarou alone with his thoughts. As they headed to talk to Nino, Miku and Itsuki, the boy's stare set on the orange-haired girl with the ribbon. Right then, she was so distracted talking that she wouldn't even notice his expression.
He'd tried to convince himself that she was just his best friend, and that he was fine with that. She wasn't the brightest, or easiest to teach student, but he acknowledged her efforts, and she helped him shed that social shell he'd been wearing for so many years. And he was deeply grateful for it. But a part of him was no longer satisfied with that.
And that was wrong. It was so wrong on many levels. Now, he wasn't as stupid so as to try and go out with another girl behind his current girlfriend's back (that would never end well for anyone), but after thinking it for a while, he realized that his current relationship was hardly going somewhere. Things would only work if there were feelings on both sides.
'I hope Ichika can forgive me for this …' he thought. In hindsight, if he hadn't promised to go with Maeda and Takeda beforehand, he may have accepted Ichika's proposal to go together. Maybe that way he would have the chance to talk to her in private.
The sooner he did, the better. He couldn't let these feelings to keep building up inside him.
The next day, on the train to Kyoto…
Fuutarou did not remember trips by train being so moved and noisy. In general, passengers would always stay seated and quiet, doing anything, but with them being students about to go to a school trip, it was completely different.
Strangely enough, he didn't find this uncomfortable at all. Many seats ahead, he could see the Nakano quintuplets playing cards, and they seemed to be enjoying themselves. He for his part found a new use for his smartphone, now that he'd exchanged a few games, music and multimedia entertainment apps with Maeda and Takeda.
"No way, Uesugi, you really haven't got a clue how to use this thing?" said Maeda. "Dude, for the best student in our school you surely are slow for some things."
"In my defense, I didn't see the need before," he defended himself. "I limited myself to use it for the essentials, calls and text messages."
"Well, you better start expanding your horizons," said Takeda. "What do you think about the one I sent you?"
"Not bad, I admit it," said Fuutarou. The app in question was a random question game, increasing its difficulty as it moved up, and by answering more and more trophies were unlocked. Pretty useful to study as well.
"Yeah, yeah, that's good for trivia nights," Maeda intervened. "But let's play something good instead. How about a PvP match in Captain Tsubasa Dream Team?"
"I've barely built up a team," said Fuutarou. "I wouldn't be a fair match."
"Aw, don't be such a party crasher. Just a friendly match," Maeda insisted.
After a lot of insistence, Fuutarou finally gave in to Maeda's request and began playing in local PvP mode. While the game was evenly matched, Fuutarou's recently formed team was no match for Maeda's leveled up one, and it was a miracle that he lost by a single goal thanks to reinforcing his defense. Unfortunately, Maeda's strikers had much stronger shots, and they kept insisting until he scored almost at the end of the match.
While he lost, he had to admit he enjoyed watching the game's cinematics, and seeing Maeda celebrating like a child in a toy shop, decided to ask for a rematch, which he gladly accepted. He decided to make a few changes in the lineup and modify his strategy, to catch him off-guard.
"Let's see if you can do better now," Maeda boasted.
"I may surprise you. Stats aren't everything, you know?" Fuutarou said.
"Oi, Uesugi-san."
When they were about to start a new game, a familiar voice called him out from behind. He turned to see Yotsuba standing in front of him, with a very serious expression for some reason. That was very unusual on her.
"What's up, Yotsuba?" he asked. "Do you need something?"
The ribbon girl didn't answer immediately. Instead, she stared at him fixatedly, and the boy felt a chill going down her back. Seeing her so serious, instead of smiling and cheery as she used to be, that was… worrying.
Yotsuba took a deep breath and finally spoke. Nothing could have prepared him for what she said next:
"I want to say… that I like you a lot."
It was like someone had used a defibrillator with him, as he felt like an electric shock had surged from his heart and spread to the rest of his body. He was left with his mouth agape, his eyes without blinking and staring at Yotsuba, whose expression remained immutable. He wasn't even able to turn around to see the expression of his two male friends, but he had a slight picture of them.
"Eh… wait… what…"
He was barely able to articulate those words, when suddenly Yotsuba grinned from ear to ear, and burst out laughing.
"Hahahaha, yay, I did it! I got a reaction out of you!" she said as she pointed a finger at him. "Score one for me, girls!"
"Eh?" Fuutarou shook his head, and before he realized, Yotsuba was running back to her seat with the rest of her sisters. "Hey, hold on! What was that just now?!"
"Ah, we're just playing the Confess Your Love game!" Yotsuba explained. "Let's see how many we can get a reaction from when we say that! Thanks again!"
And without further words, Yotsuba went back to her seat with the others, who seemed quite amused with their game. It was then he could finally see the faces surrounding him: some even seemed to be snickering at him. But it was nothing compared to Maeda and Takeda's own faces, who seemed about to explode into laughter.
"Not. A. Word," he told them, and immediately focused back on his phone to start the game, though now he could barely focus on it.
Right now, he could only think about what he felt when Yotsuba said those words, and what he felt when she revealed it was just a game. He couldn't say out loud that part of him was moved, even excited, to hear her say that. But naturally, his rational part stepped in, to remind him that he was dating Ichika now, and that would look bad.
And when she said she was just playing… what did he feel? Anger? No, he couldn't get angry at her, if it was just a game, she wasn't to blame? Disappointment? Maybe, for that part of him that wished it wasn't just a game.
Really, thinking about it rationally, how could someone like Yotsuba fall for someone like him?
Arriving at Kyoto…
Once at the destination, the students walked out and sat as the teachers gave the final instructions. They were told to only take the essentials and the rest of their baggage would be taken to the hotel where they would stay.
While she and her sisters discussed about what they would do, between going on a shopping spree, visit places or eat something, Yotsuba continued to stare at Fuutarou as he chatted with his two companions. She was glad to see he wasn't alone and getting along with them, but part of her lamented that she couldn't ask him to be part of their group.
"Yotsuba? Yotsuba!"
"Eh? Sorry, you were saying?"
"Hey, you alright?" Ichika asked. "You looked like you were spacing out."
"No, it's nothing. Hey, aren't you worried that Uesugi-san goes off on his own?" she asked, trying to deflect attention from herself.
"Why? Are you?" the oldest sister inquired.
Yotsuba didn't reply immediately. Part of her was about to sya no, but that would be a very obvious lie. Then again, she didn't want to get in his way, if he wanted to spend time with his male friends. And if he didn't ask Ichika to come along, he surely would want her lurking around.
"Well, there are many shops I'd like to try," said Nino. "Maybe I can buy a nice souvenir for Kintarou-kun when I see him again. Or maybe visit the city with him next time."
"I'd like to try this new Italian food restaurant," said Itsuki. "The Aldini brothers said they were interested in buying the location to expand their business, and wanted me to do some scouting on the place for them."
"Just an excuse to go eat," Miku said dryly, causing Itsuki to puff up her cheeks.
"Going for something to eat doesn't sound bad," Ichika continued. "Maybe it's a good place to invite someone for dinner, right, Itsuki-chan?"
"I-I have no clue what you're talking about," Itsuki said, covering her cheeks as they started to flare up red.
Meanwhile, as her sisters continued the discussion, Yotsuba watched idly how Fuutarou went his own way with Takeda and Maeda. For a moment, she thought he was looking over his shoulder at her, but it was just for a moment. Better not follow him or get in his way.
"I want to say… that I like you a lot."
Though at the time it was just a game, she felt happy to be able to say those words to his face. The more he thought about it, of not being able to say them, her chest tightened. It was the perfect chance to finally let them out once and for all.
Now she could finally enjoy the trip with no regrets. And better for her if he thought it was a game, so he wouldn't feel guilty over not leaving an answer.
'Whatever everyone else doesn't know won't hurt them,' she told herself.
And yet, she still felt a heartache. Despite promising herself that she would forget him, that she was happy for him and Ichika, this feeling continued to torment her. That part of her who wanted to say the truth. Not just about her own feelings, but about everything else.
But she couldn't. She was no longer that little girl he met, and she didn't want to be. Neither did he want to go back to that past of his. Both had changed, and were very different people than they used to be. Which also meant they'd have to take different paths, eventually.
"Yotsuba? Hey, wake up!" This time, it was Nino talking and waving her hand in front of her.
"Eh? Ah, sorry, you were saying?"
"Geez, you're really spacing out," Nino said. "C'mon, there's too much to see!"
"Hey, wait for me!" Itsuki cried. "Don't leave me behind!"
The second and fifth sister went ahead, leaving the other three looking at each other. Miku simply shrugged and with a "Let's-follow-them" gesture walked after them, leaving Ichika staring at Yotsuba.
"Yotsuba, you sure you're okay? You've been really weird since we came here."
"Weird, me? No, of course not!"
That was what she tried to tell her eldest sister, and herself, but Ichika placed her hands on her hips and glared intensely. For a moment, the ribbon girl almost started sweating, until Ichika softened her demeanor.
"We haven't been here in a long time," she commented. "It's been almost six years, right? Time surely flies. This place brings me back a lot of memories, what about you?"
"Hmm… yeah, many," Yotsuba admitted.
"Do you think it brings back memories for Fuutarou-kun, too?" Ichika asked again, catching her off-guard. "We both met him in this city."
Both of them looked up. From their current location they could see the lookout on top of the hill. Yotsuba still recalled when the two of them walked up there, and the city's view. It was amazing, but the best part was being able to share that moment with him. It was a memory in the deepest part of her mind, and her heart.
"Maybe, but it's best not to think about the past. Let's make new memories instead! Hurry, we need to catch up with the rest!"
And thus, she ran after her other sisters, while Ichika cried out for her to wait. Nevertheless, Yotsuba didn't stop, as she now had her sights forward.
Even after coming back to the place where everything began, she couldn't keep living on the memories of the past. Fuutarou had decided to move forward with his life, and she had to do the same. And if that meant to support him being with someone else… so be it.
'You've lost your chance. It's pointless to keep moping over it.'
A little bit later…
The walk across town turned out to be quite relaxed. Things hadn't changed much since their last visit six years ago, giving a sense of familiarity that made her feel comfortable.
At one point, they passed in front of the same inn where they'd stayed at during that fateful week, which once again stirred Ichika's memories. It all started because of an innocent, childish bet, or at least he thought it was. While she was supposed to look out for the others by virtue of being the eldest, at some point she got careless and one of them went off on her own.
When Yotsuba returned that night and told them what she did, how she met an 'interesting' boy, Ichika was the one most intrigued by this. Yotsuba told them how she planned to meet him the following day at the temple, to make a wish together, and the day after that, she was even happier for doing so.
And seeing that, Ichika couldn't help but feel envy. She too wanted to meet this 'interesting' boy.
…
"What do you mean?" asked the twelve-year-old Yotsuba, showing an annoyed face.
"What I told you," the equally-aged Ichika replied with a self-sufficient air. "You didn't tell him you had sisters, did you?"
"Actually, I did. He also mentioned he has a little sister, you know?"
"But you didn't tell him we're identical, did you?"
Yotsuba stayed silent. Ichika smirked upon realizing she'd nailed it, and she could take advantage of that minuscule detail.
"I bet if we switched places, you and me, he wouldn't be able to tell the difference," Ichika said, very sure of herself.
"I bet you he would!" Yotsuba replied, letting out an angry pout. She looked so funny and adorable upon doing so, and that only encouraged the eldest sister even more to make her fall in her little game.
"Really? In that case, how about that I go see him tomorrow? He's staying very close of here, isn't he?"
The fourth sister clenched her teeth, but after a while she gave up and ended up agreeing to the challenge. Indeed, Ichika didn't even have to convince Yotsuba to spill out everything they did today and yesterday, as she'd been told with plenty of details. Since Ichika had been paying a lot of attention, she was sure she could fool this boy.
On top of that, Yotsuba didn't even bother to tell him her own name, how stupid of her.
…
Back in the present, Ichika recalled how she returned to the room at night, and told how Fuutarou didn't realize anything. Yotsuba didn't take it well, going over to sit by a corner alone, and when Ichika tried to talk to her, she only said "No fair, I met him first".
At the time, Ichika didn't think much of it, and seeing how upset her sister was, the next day she allowed Yotsuba to go back and play with her new friend. It wasn't like Ichika was trying to steal him from her, she just thought they were 'sharing everything', like their mother had taught them.
'Both have changed a lot since then. I wonder… have I changed too?'
Though a part of herself said yes, there were things that would always stay the same. Even before she confirmed Fuutarou was that same kid, Ichika took notice of how well he and Yotsuba got along. Maybe, even if he wasn't aware, the two were reconnecting their old childhood friendship, picking up where they left off. A feeling like that couldn't die so easily.
Especially because during the past few weeks, Fuutarou had been a little distant. At first, she thought he was trying to give her some space, to deal with her acting job, but as time went on, she had the feeling that something was off. In fact, to be honest she hadn't been able to shake off that feeling since she started dating Fuutarou.
While she didn't think the boy would make any moves on her sister, or otherwise do anything that could be catalogued as 'cheating', the truth was that she felt envious of the times they went to hang out and do things together, such as jogging or hitting the gym. Sure, both of them assured they were doing stuff just as friends, and while Ichika was convinced at first… now she wasn't so sure.
And that worried her for reasons she couldn't fully grasp.
"Ichika? Ichika!"
"Eh?" After being snapped out of her trance, she noticed how far behind she'd fallen from the others.
"Oi, what are you doing?" Nino asked. "You gonna stay there or what?"
"Sorry, I think…" She looked around, noticing the nearby bathrooms. "You know what? I think I need to go to the bathroom. You girls go ahead; I'll catch up to you later."
"You sure?"
"Yeah, don't worry! I'll be fine!"
After getting an affirmative from the others she barely heard, the eldest Nakano ran towards the female bathrooms. Truthfully she didn't need to go, she just found a pretext to go on her own. Spacing out like that she could spoil the trip, and that was the last thing she wanted to do.
However, nothing would have prepared her to see the person she'd been thinking of a few minutes ago, walking right out of the male bathrooms. The Uesugi boy's widened slightly upon seeing her.
"Ichika?"
"Ah, Fuutarou-kun, hi," she said. "Weren't you hanging out with your friends?"
"I told them to go ahead," he replied. "And your sisters?"
"What a coincidence, I told them the same," Ichika replied. "If you excuse me…"
"Hey," he suddenly stopped her. "When you're done… can we talk about something?"
The boy's tone was quite serious, and looking into his eyes, she knew he had important stuff to say. Upon doing so, her heart sped up, telling her something wasn't okay, for reasons she couldn't explain.
"Sure. Give me a few minutes," she replied.
Once she entered the bathroom (and she actually didn't need to) she looked at herself in the mirror. The reflection of a confused and puzzled young woman looked back at her. Everything she'd been thinking of a few minutes earlier, those thoughts, doubts and questions spinning in her head, came back full force, now that she'd run into Fuutarou again.
A part of her didn't want to talk at the time. Rather, she wanted to escape, have everything go away, let everything vanish and pretend nothing was wrong. Act like it was just her imagination.
But the other, said she couldn't escape. In front of Fuutarou she couldn't behave selfishly. If something was troubling him, she had to be there for him, and offer him the support he needed. Whatever it was, she couldn't dodge it.
Opening the sink's water, she splashed herself in her face to snap out of her trance. Whatever Fuutarou wanted to talk about, she'd better listen as soon as possible. She exited the bathroom and found him leaning against a post, arms crossed as he waited for her.
"Sorry for the wait," she said upon stepping out. "Shall we go now?"
The boy nodded, and prompted her to follow him. Both walked up the right stairway leading to the top. Going side by side with each other, neither of them said a word for a while, though the silence gave Ichika's mind some clarity.
She too had a few questions to ask on the way out. Now it was as good of a chance as any.
On the way to the top…
Walking up that pathway upstairs brought the Uesugi boy many memories. Despite the six years that had passed, it had barely changed at all. It was just as vivid as his memory, which brought him both joy and sorrow.
It looked like, no matter what he said, or where he went, his past continued to torment him. But that had to end today. He'd made up his mind and now, whatever the result was, there was no turning back. He had to do it with no regrets whatsoever.
"Fuutarou-kun, why did we come here?" Ichika asked, snapping him out of his reminiscing.
After looking around, and making sure there was nobody else around, the Uesugi boy took a deep breath. It was the moment of truth, to get everything out of his chest and be sincere with himself, and her.
"Ichika… this isn't easy for me. The truth is, I don't even know where to start. So much I want to say, and I thought I'd be ready, but…"
"It's okay, just calm down," she said. "You can tell me anything. I'll hear you out, and if there's anything I can do, rest assured that I will."
Fuutarou stared deeply into her eyes. In the past few months, she'd been so nice, sweet and attentive with him. Any guy worth his salt would see her as the perfect girlfriend: beautiful, sociable and unafraid to show her affection. Which only made him feel guiltier for not returning her feelings. She didn't deserve that.
"Ichika… I want to apologize to you," he managed to say, once he forced the words out of his throat.
The eldest Nakano gave him a puzzled look. It was natural; she was probably thinking right now "Apologize for what, if you haven't done nothing wrong?". And while that was technically true, in this case the wrong was in his inaction.
"These last few months… I've thought about many things. I don't know if it's my lack of experience, or something else, but… I feel like I haven't been a good boyfriend."
"Why do you think that?" Ichika asked, seemingly more confused. He took a moment to think it over and find the best words to express it.
"Please don't get me wrong. It's not like I have a problem with you, or anything. On the contrary; all this time you've been nothing but kind to me, and I can see what you feel for me is real. I really appreciate it, but…"
"But?" the pinkette once more inquired.
Once again, the boy thought about what he was about to say, over and over. The best way that occurred to him was to explain exactly what was going on with an example, just like he did during the tutoring sessions. Though he wasn't sure if the only example he had would serve in this case.
"I don't know if you've felt the same way, but… I have the feeling that we're lacking something. And that feeling won't leave me alone. I know it makes no sense, but…"
"Actually, it does," she replied, interrupting his train of thought. "I think the word you're looking for is a 'spark' between us. Maybe something like what Kintarou-kun and Nino have, right?"
"How did you guess?" Fuutarou asked, surprised. Ichika just smiled again.
"Well, they don't see each other in person often, but when they do, they're always very lovey-dovey with each other," the pinkette said with amusement. "We, on the other hand, while we get along and have fun together, lack that spark between them. Even I have noticed."
The boy was surprised again. The girl had nailed it, even before he could mention his cousin and her second sister as an example. She was pretty sharp, he had to give her that. But outside admiring her intuition, that saved him now the explanations.
At least, Ichika could understand what was happening, what was that "spark" they lacked, and his cousin and Nino did have between them. And in hindsight, while she didn't have it with the eldest Nakano… he did experience it with someone else.
"Now that I think about it, it's normal," she said. "Nino is a lot more open to express her feelings. And I… thought it'd be better to take things slowly."
Take things slowly. Yes, he thought he was doing the same thing. After all, he'd just gotten out of a broken heart, and he thought he should follow Rena's advice and give himself another chance. However, after some time, he'd begun questioning what she said.
"When Rena left, she said "If that girl truly loves you, don't let her go". At the time, I thought she was telling me to give myself a chance with you, but now… I'm not so sure."
He turned around, looking back at the pathway they'd been walking through. It was hard to look at her in the eye, as she knew he would inevitably hurt her with his words. Even if he didn't mean to, he couldn't help but feel guilt over not being able to return her feelings the same way. She was a nice girl and she didn't deserve that. But he had to be honest; it was pointless to keep a relationship based on a lie.
"What I'm trying to say is… maybe I started dating you for the wrong reasons," Fuutarou funally said. "Back then, I was still hurting over Rena, and I thought about her words. I thought that, maybe if I gave myself a chance I could heal, maybe even get to feel something for you. But now… I've realized I haven't been fair with you."
He turned around again and walked towards her, grabbing her hands softly. He made an effort to look into her eyes, which opened wide at the surprise as he saw himself reflected on them.
"Ichika, you're a wonderful girl. Any guy worth their salt who meets you could see that. That's why… I hope you can forgive me, for not returning your feelings as you deserve. It's my fault, for running to your arms looking for solace, and I feel terrible for doing so."
After saying it, he shut his eyes hard. For a moment, he almost expected her to cry, scream at him or something like that. He knew very little about relationships, but he did know many girls didn't take these things well, and while he felt terrible for hurting her, he knew he'd feel worse if he kept playing with her feelings out of pure self-pity.
"Fuutarou-kun, look at me…"
A little scared, the boy opened his eyes once more. Much to his surprise, Ichika wasn't crying or angry, but smiling. But there was something different in her smile; it wasn't forced, but there was a tinge of melancholy in it.
"You don't have to apologize," she said. "The truth is… I already knew. I could notice how you always kept your distance with me, so I tried not to push you. I thought I just had to be patient, give you time to heal, but… evidently it didn't work out."
"I'm really sorry. It's my fault it didn't work."
"No, it's not," the Nakano assured. "In fact, I'm grateful that you gave me a chance. And even if it didn't work, I have no regrets. The dates we had, the moments we shared, all of that will be precious memories for me. If things didn't work out, there's nothing else to do. Life goes on."
Alright, she was taking it much better than he expected, good sign. But then again, she was an actress, and maybe she was forcing herself to act so he wouldn't feel so bad about it.
"It's because of Yotsuba, right? She's the one you truly like, isn't she?"
The boy got a little startled. At no point did he mention the fourth sister, but before he could utter another word, Ichika laughed again and continued:
"You don't have to pretend. I've seen you two since you became her tutor. The way you guys interact, how close you've grown during this year, and the fact you're always comfortable with her. It's no wonder; being around her livens up anyone's day. You probably know about it, don't you?"
Fuutarou looked aside, but it was pointless to deny it. He snorted with resignation, but also snickered. In hindsight, while the "sparks" Ichika talked about didn't come in their first encounter, maybe they did come when he got to know her a little better.
Indeed, the studious, grumpy and serious boy had fallen in love with that athletic, dumb and childish girl. Try as he might, he couldn't hide anything from the eldest sister, whose eye was always on everything.
"I guess… she showed up when I needed her the most. My life had become a constant, boring routine. All I cared was about studying and nothing more. No friends, no social life… I don't know why I wasted all these years."
"Hey, it wasn't a total waste," Ichika intervened. Achieving that ranking in the national exams is awesome, so something good came out of it. But it's good that you realize there are other things aside from studying. To have fun, enjoy your youth, that's important too."
Indeed, it was. And while Ichika also had played a part in helping with that, there was no denying Yotsuba gave her the initial push to get out of that bubble. He was supposed to be her tutor, but without realizing, she taught him as much as he did her, or maybe even more so.
And while they weren't a couple, many people assumed they were dating, so perhaps everyone else saw the sparks between them before he himself did it.
"It's so weird. At first, I thought she was just a cheery and stupid girl, and that I'd never fall for someone like her. She couldn't be more opposite to me in everything. But the more we spent time together… the fonder I became of her. I was starting to feel sad when I thought we'd have to separate at the end of the second year. I couldn't imagine my days once she was gone."
"Well, at least you realized before she left, and not after," said Ichika. "You knew what you had before losing it, and that's a positive thing. In fact, that's why we asked Dad to transfer us, so Yotsuba wouldn't have to part ways with you. It wasn't just you who needed her; she needed you too, more than you can imagine."
There was not a single shred of doubt in the eldest Nakano's words. Even though he already knew it, he had no idea it was actually so deep. He always thought she saw him as a friend, and he thought the same about her. He thought that was fine, but now, things had changed.
"This may sound weird coming from me, but do you think she, you know, likes me that way?" the boy inquired timidly.
"Oh, of course she does," Ichika assured. "In fact, back at last year's school camp, I tried to convince her to ask you to dance in the bonfire, since she couldn't bring herself to do it."
Fuutarou recalled the aforementioned trip. The ribbon girl did ask him out to dance… and immediately took it back saying it was a joke. Said memory resounded with another, much more recent one, when they were in the train that same morning.
"So, when you were playing the Confess Your Love game… she meant it?" Fuutarou asked. "She wasn't playing?"
"You know how bad of a liar Yotsuba is," said Ichika. "I bet you felt happy when she said that, am I wrong?"
The boy's response was a light chuckle he couldn't repress. The eldest Nakano once again had nailed it, though given the time they'd known each other, he was probably an open book to her. No point in denying it.
After a brief silence, he took a deep breath, preparing for the inevitable. It was the moment of truth.
"I guess this is the part where we… break up or something, isn't it?" he said scratching the back of his head. "No hard feelings about it, right?"
"Of course not," she assured. "Though it's possible people may start talking, so if anybody asks, we broke up because of my acting career."
"Won't that make you look bad?" Fuutarou asked. It wasn't like he wanted to tarnish Ichika's rep at school to save his own.
Ichika simply shrugged. "You know how show business agencies are. Actresses and idols are more profitable when they're single, so they're forbidden from dating anyone. And I'm sure you wouldn't want me to abandon my dreams, am I wrong?"
Fuutarou didn't answer, but he caught the gist of it. From that point of view, there was a shred of truth in what she said. Ichika would always have to go incognito when she went on a date with him, so people wouldn't recognize her. And her acting job greatly limited the time they could spent together. That was a hurdle very hard to surpass, and quite frankly, he wasn't sure he could put up with it.
"So… if that's what you want, I'll accept it. If it's Yotsuba you want to be with, then you'll have my wholehearted support," the eldest sister assured.
Despite her melancholy, Fuutarou could see Ichika was smiling and talking with full sincerity. He felt relieved; the last thing he wanted was to end that relationship badly, after she'd been so nice to him. It seemed that, at least, he didn't hurt her too much.
"You're really a good girl," he said. "Just because of that, I'll forgive you for that time."
"That time? What are you talking about?"
"Don't play dumb. That kiss you stole from me under the bell. You caught me off-guard and left me shocked, you know? To think you'd steal someone's first kiss without being ready…"
"I don't know what you mean by that," Ichika replied. "I never…"
The girl suddenly covered her mouth with her hands, as if she'd just realized something Fuutarou only stared at her. Why was she denying it? She shouldn't be ashamed or anything; that was probably something she did in the spur of the moment, and he wouldn't hold it against her for it.
Right when it seemed the conversation had been wrapped up, all signs pointed that they still had quite a few things to talk about.
To be continued…
Author's notes:
What's up, people? Well, in keeping my promise, here's this month's chapter. Things have grown complicated lately, between having to balance study and work, but I try to keep up, even if that means my progress with fanfics are a bit slower. In fact, the chapter following this one kept me stuck for quite a while, partly because I hadn't been able to write much of it, and partly because it seemed to be lacking in-between scenes, as the important points had been ready for quite a while.
But anyway, let's get down to business. Considering how in canon this was the point that unleashed the biggest drama with the Sisters War, I figured I could do the same, albeit in my own way. For starters, since the previous arcs I wanted to give the bell kiss a completely different context, namely that all this time Fuutarou thought Ichika was the one who kissed him, and that ate away at him for reasons he didn't understand. May as well drop something froma few months back: when Fuutarou and Ichika started dating, there was a certain comment that really annoyed me, as the reader seemed to imply that Fuutarou was "toying" with Ichika's feelings and that he could hurt her. I couldn't give too many spoilers, but I tried to explain that the boy needs to learn a few lessons about love, and that sometimes implies getting hurt or hurting others in the process, even if it's not intentional. What matters here, however, is that he realizes that on time, so as to minimize the damage and acknowledge he was dating her for the wrong reasons, thus sparing them both of unnecessary heartaches. From experience I tell you: when someone loves you sincerely and you know it, if you have a shred of a heart you'll feel guilty for not returning their feelings, especially if it's because you love someone else, and I was trying to show that feeling with Fuutarou. Hopefully I succeeded.
Now, let's move on to the other part of the love triangle. I have to say, Yotsuba was pretty hard to write during this chapter. I hadn't gotten a chance to give her a "joke confession" like in canon (one of my favorite early scenes, by the way), but after seeing the Komi-san episode when they play the confession game, I figured I could use that, plus it connected pretty well with the chapters central theme, start out lighthearted and slowly shift the tone to drama. Naturally she will have a very important role in this arc, now that the cat's out of the bag and the truths she wanted to hide are coming to light. And unlike canon, she'll have to face the consequences of her actions head on, and she won't be able to run away anymore. There's still plenty of story ahead, but from this arc onwards the foundations will be set so eht fourth sister can finally overcome her inner demons and earns the happy ending she deserves. Oh, and don't think the breakup means Ichika will stop being relevant, since from now on she'll continue being around to help these two sort out their issues and get together. All in due time, of course.
So, guess that's all I could say. Thanks for the reviews to TheMist33 and bobalon, and special thanks to Shadechu Nightray for the beta-reading. Once again, since I'm going to be busy with my real-life commitments and other fics, the next update may slow down, but I'll try and keep the pace of at least one chapter per month (I'll be free next week so I'll try and make as much progress as I can in that time). Take care, until next time, sayonara!