Shape of the Heart – Four-leaf Clover
By Fox McCloude
Disclaimer: The Quintessential Quintuplets and all related characters belong to Haruba Negi. All rights reserved.
Chapter 30: Kyoto trip, Part 3
Kyoto, at the hotel…
After all the events of the first day, Fuutarou was so overwhelmed it took him nothing to fall asleep at night. The next morning, he had the small hope that he and Yotsuba could talk and clear everything up.
But when he went down to the cafeteria to have breakfast, he saw there were only four quintuplets at their table. Ichika invited him to sit with them, and seeing that Maeda and Takeda had already had breakfast without him, he accepted despite the tension in the air.
After remaining silent for what seemed forever, Itsuki stood up picking up one of the food trays next to her. Surprisingly, she hadn't eaten them both alone.
"If you excuse me, I'll give Yotsuba her portion," the youngest sister excused herself.
"Don't go eating it on the way out," Nino mockingly warned, though she sounded less deadpan than usual.
Itsuki not making any gestures or replying at Nino's comment was proof of how bitter the atmosphere was. Instead, she simply took the food and left, leaving Fuutarou with the other three sisters at the table. The boy had to force himself to eat, and his appetite wasn't particularly eager that day with all the things spinning in his head. After a long time, he finally broke the silence.
"So… what happened yesterday?"
The three remaining Nakanos stood static, barely exchanging glances as if asking which of them should reply. After a few seconds, as if resigning herself to the role, Nino spoke up.
"We had to call a teacher so he would give Yotsuba a warning," she explained. "Only then did she let us in the room. But don't ask any questions; we couldn't get anything out of her."
"I wasn't planning to," said Fuutarou. He didn't want to find things out through someone else's mouth. He still wanted Yotsuba herself to tell him everything.
Nino, for her part, still had a lot more to say. "I still can't believe she pulled that one. How didn't I notice all this time? Even more, why didn't you tell me anything if you already knew?"
The second question was for Ichika. The eldest sister's reaction, or lack thereof, evidenced that she wasn't surprised and probably even expected it.
"It wasn't my place," Ichika firmly said. "We all have our dark secrets after all."
"Speak for yourself," Nino spat. "I never keep anything from the rest of us; it's not fair you do that to me."
"Then why do you keep a diary?" Miku asked, making Nino squint her eyes while a vein pulsed on her temple. In the end, she said nothing else.
Fuutarou for his part just looked at his half-eaten plate, leaning his elbows on the table and resting the chin over his intertwined hands, while trying to find answers to the questions that filled his mind.
Generally, there could be many reasons for keeping secrets. Out of pride, to honor promises, out of shame, those were the main ones. The first one seemed the most unlikely, as Yotsuba didn't seem a particularly prideful person. As for the second, he'd considered the possibility of Yotsuba trying to hide something related to his encounter with Rena six years ago, but when he'd asked her, she said she wasn't her, and he was certain that she wasn't lying. As for the third… what could have Yotsuba done to feel so ashamed and unable to tell him?
"Tell me something, are you angry at her?" Nino asked.
For some reason, the second sister's tone didn't sound as annoyed or antagonistic as usual. She wasn't trying to lecture; it was a genuine question. Though despite being relatively easy to answer, the boy took a moment to meditate and pick his words carefully.
"I'd be lying if I say I'm not, just a little bit," he admitted. "And I hate feeling this way. I don't even know why I'm angry, or if I really should be."
"I think I know," the second sister said. "You're angry not because of what she did, but how and why she did it. She posed as someone else, because she didn't have the courage to face you. I hate talking bad of my own sister, but that was a cowardly move."
Fuutarou said nothing, but he thought Nino was completely right. Indeed, he was angry that Yotsuba didn't have the courage to face him as herself, but the question that continued to spin in his head was, why? A part of him felt he should defend her a little bit.
He didn't have to, as Ichika, of everyone present, decided to intercede for her:
"Now, now, Nino, don't be so harsh," Ichika said. "There must be a reason why she did it."
"Why're you defending her? That's already a personal matter, especially for you." Nino glared at her older sister. "Not only did she pose as you, she stole your boyfriend's first kiss, I'd be furious if someone did that to me!"
Nino's indignation was such that her rants were heard nearby, and even got a few looks. After she apologized for her outburst, she lowered her voice and retook the conversation.
"Whatever, I still don't understand why she did it," she continued. "If she's been in love with you this whole time, she had ample opportunities to tell you. Why did she keep it?"
"Do you think that's easy to say?" Miku asked in a dry tone.
The second sister gave her a look, but simply shrugged. "Of course it is. You just have to stand in front of that person and say 'I love you' without missing a beat. It's not that hard, it's just people who make it complicated."
"I wish I had your confidence, I'm envious," Fuutarou commented. However, he decided it was better to keep the conversation centered on the main topic, so he quickly put it back on track. "I really don't know what's happening to Yotsuba, but I can't help but think it has to do with me. I have the feeling she's keeping things from me, and I need to know why."
"If that's the case, the only way to sort this out is to sit down and talk things out," said Ichika. "Although I don't think now is the best time to do so. Yotsuba isn't… very willing to open up at the moment."
Unfortunately, that was the case. The rest of the breakfast continued in silence, but Fuutarou couldn't even enjoy it in the least. Not a good start for the trip's second day, and he had the feeling things weren't going to get better anytime soon.
In the Nakanos' room, shortly after…
She didn't know what time was now, but judging by her stomach's groans, it was probably past breakfast time. She didn't feel like getting out of bed that day, not when that implied to see… him.
Even while alone in her room, with nobody to see her, Yotsuba covered her face in shame with the sheets. She couldn't even look at herself in the mirror, she was really embarrassed with herself to that point.
"I'm a fool… I've always been."
In hindsight, nothing she ever tried ended up as she wanted. Either due to external circumstances, or her own bad choices, everything she tried backfired spectacularly on her, one way or another. And if it wasn't her, someone else would get hurt.
When they finally decided to talk, Ichika explained that she and Fuutarou had decided to break up. Apparently, the boy had been having doubts about their relationship for quite a while, specifically since the bell kiss. Which only meant that she (Yotsuba) had torpedoed their relationship, and no matter that Ichika told her that they ended up on good terms, it didn't make her feel any better.
She should have seen it coming since the elevator. Things were much worse than she thought, and she had no one to blame but herself.
"Ichika… this is not what I wanted. I never meant to ruin things between you two."
If Ichika was angry with her (and she had every reason to be), she didn't show it in the least. Somehow that made her feel worse. She deserved to be shouted at, slapped, to be told her truths in her face for sticking her nose where she shouldn't have, all because she'd been unable to leave aside her feelings for that boy.
"Why am I so surprised? I've never been able to fulfill my own promises."
So it was. She promised to help her mother, and she couldn't because she died. She promised to become the best student, and her sisters quickly caught up and surpassed her. She promised she would never need anybody else's help, and in the end her sisters had to bail her out of the consequences of her poor choices. The worst of all, she promised she would stand aside to give her sister a chance, that she would forget her feelings for Fuutarou.
"Yotsuba?" a voice called as she knocked on the door. "I've brought breakfast, can you open the door?"
When her inner monologue was interrupted, Yotsuba glanced at the door. She'd recognized Itsuki's voice, and while she hesitated for a moment, she pushed the sheets off herself and went to open. She took a peek cautiously just in case there was someone else, especially Fuutarou, but once she confirmed Itsuki was alone, she opened the door to let her in.
"You can leave it on the table," she said in half-hearted tone, before dropping back on the bed.
Itsuki left the tray, and Yotsuba saw her sitting on the bed's edge. Neither pronounced a word for a long time, and finally the youngest sister decided to break the uncomfortable silence.
"Are you planning to stay the whole day here? You're going to get bored to death, with all the stuff we still have to do on the trip."
"I don't care," Yotsuba said. "This way I won't cause any more troubles."
She'd always been just that, a source of troubles. No matter what she did, in the end everything backfired on her horribly. If she went out now, she'd surely screw things up again, ruining the trip for her sisters, for Fuutarou, or someone else.
"Yotsuba… you're being too harsh on yourself," said Itsuki. "Look, I don't understand everything that's going on, but I think you should at least clear things up with Uesugi-kun."
"I can't do that," Yotsuba replied. "I can't look at him in the face, not after what I did."
"You can't, or you don't want to?"
Yotsuba glanced at her younger sister. Right then, she was looking back with a rather severe expression in her face, and her arms crossed. For a brief moment, she almost felt like she was seeing her late mother, in those days when she was upset at them for doing something bad and ready to lecture them about their behavior.
"Tell me the truth, Yotsuba," Itsuki insisted. "Why don't you want to talk to him?"
A chill went down the fourth sister's spine. Itsuki's voice was calm but firm; almost like she was channeling their mother's spirit, and that terrified her. Rather than paralyze her, though, the terror made her move, as she knew Itsuki wouldn't leave her alone until she gave an answer, whatever it was.
"Because I'm ashamed to do so. I screwed up, I know that. Ichika and Uesugi-san's relationship went down the drain because of me."
"I wouldn't be so sure about that," said Itsuki. "From what Ichika told us, things were… complicated between them already."
"Which only means I made them worse. Just like I always do. Why can't I never get anything right?"
Deadly silence fell between both sisters. Yotsuba felt so bad that, despite her stomach demanding food, she didn't have the strength to get up from the bed to grab the food. She saw Itsuki sighing and getting closer, her expression was still unreadable.
"Yotsuba… you and Uesugi-kun had met before, right? I mean… from before you were transferred to Asahiyama."
The fourth sister's alarms went off. She stared back at Itsuki, whose demeanor still remained chillingly similar to her deceased mother, although she now seemed more relaxed.
Before she could say anything else, Itsuki spoke up again. "It was six years ago, wasn't it? He was that boy you met when we first came to Kyoto."
How did Itsuki find that out? Only Ichika and herself were supposed to know that, although both had agreed to keep it between them, even if that broke the golden rule of "sharing everything". She sat up, as if a spring had pushed her up.
"How do you know that? Did Ichika tell you? If that's the case, I swear…"
"Easy there, Yotsuba." Itsuki grabbed her by the shoulders, briefly shaking her to calm her down. "Ichika didn't tell me anything. She doesn't even know that I know, so don't you dare accusing her of betraying you, if that's what you're thinking."
Yotsuba looked away, feeling quite ashamed of herself. It was just a spur of the moment, but she jumped headfirst to assume Ichika had betrayed her. That lack of trust in her sisters was deplorable on her part.
"The truth is… I overheard you two one night you were talking in the bathroom," Itsuki confessed. "I didn't mean to eavesdrop, I just was waiting for my turn to take a bath, but…"
"How much did you hear?" Yotsuba asked. She needed no explanations from Itsuki as to why she was there listening to their conversation.
"Hmm… from the photo onwards," the redhead replied. "I was very surprised, to be honest. But then, that means you have a crush on him, don't you? It's been like that since the beginning."
Again, Yotsuba looked away, though this time not out of shame. She just needed to sort out her thoughts in order to give her sister a sincere response. The answer was very simple, yet at the same time so hard to extract from her throat.
Seeing she wouldn't talk, Itsuki once more decided to speak up. "It was then that I understood, why you two seemed to like him so much, even after he was rude to me when I met him."
"Well, I did tell you he wasn't as bad as he seemed, didn't I?" Yotsuba replied. It was much easier to say that, and before she realized she had smiled for the first time since she'd woken up.
"Yeah, you were right," Itsuki admitted. "He's not a bad person after all. But then again, why haven't you told him anything? Or better yet, why did you tell Ichika to pretend she was the girl in the photo?"
Yotsuba opened her mouth to answer, but the words died down in her throat. Again, despite knowing the answer, saying it out loud wasn't that easy for her.
She still made an effort despite the bitterness, and finally said it. "He deserves someone better than me. I'm nothing but a fool who messes up everything."
"You think so?" Itsuki asked. "Haven't you considered the possibility that, maybe, he could have liked you a bit too?"
Yotsuba stared at Itsuki intensely. To consider that possibility… it never crossed her mind, truthfully. When she started at Asahiyama and rumors went around that they were dating, Fuutarou was quick to shut them down, making it clear to everyone that he would never date 'a girl who's pure muscle and no brains'. While she was a little hurt byt that, she ultimately accepted it, resigning herself to the role of a good friend who'd cheer up his days, and he was content with it.
Or at least, she was content for a time.
"You two spent a lot of time together, and not just studyin," the youngest sister continued. "You may not believe me, but he said very good things about you when you weren't around."
"Such as?" Yotsuba asked, not buying it.
"For starters, while you weren't the brightest student, he values all your effort. Also, I heard him say once that he was glad you dragged him into doing exercise with you."
The mention of the exercise stuff brought another smile to Yotsuba's face, that she futilely tried to suppress. In reality, that only occurred to her as an excuse to spend time with the boy, and she still recalled how he complained nonstop about it. But over time he actually came to enjoy it, and if it made him feel healthier, all the better for him.
All she wanted was to see him smile, and that's why she believed he deserved to be with someone who'd make him happy. And that person couldn't be her, that was what she thought.
"I don't get why you make things so complicated, Yotsuba. What's the worst that could happen if you tell your feelings? Being rejected?"
"Do you think it's easy to say?" Yotsuba tried to defend herself. "You think it's easy to stand in front of him and say 'Uesugi-san, I really like you'?"
"Well, you seem to have said it easily now," Itsuki replied. Yotsuba puffed her cheeks slightly. "I understand that you didn't tell him anything when he was dating Ichika, but you had ample opportunities to do it before that. And now, he's technically free again, isn't he?"
"Do you think it's okay to jump on your sister's ex, right after they broke up?" Yotsuba spat.
"No, that's not what I meant, of course not!" Itsuki's face turned almost as red as her hair, maybe taking offense at such suggestion. "What I meant was that you'll never know unless you try. Have you even asked him what he feels for you?"
"Nnnghhh… no, I haven't," Yotsuba reluctantly admitted.
"Then how can you be sure as to whether he likes you or not?" Itsuki asked again.
Yotsuba looked away again, unable to reply to that. The only answer she had to that, and she wouldn't say it out loud, was that she simply convinced herself that Fuutarou would never fall for her. And in the hypothetical case that he would, she did not deserve his affection. Not after all the poor choices she'd made along the last few years.
"I'll tell you something: if I had someone I liked, I would tell him upfront," Itsuki continued after getting no response. "I'd rather have that person know about my feelings and reject me, instead of living with the uncertainty of whether I had or not a chance if I had been braver."
At those words, Yotsuba was puzzled. The way she spoke, anybody would say Itsuki already had someone she liked. She couldn't help but give an inquisitive glance, and after a few seconds it seemed that Itsuki read her thoughts.
"I-I'm just saying it in a hypothetical scenario!" the youngest sister frantically said. "I-It's not like I have someone right now or anything like that!"
Yotsuba wasn't sure whether she would buy that. Itsuki wasn't exactly good at lying or hiding secrets herself. However, at the time she didn't feel the urge or right to pry any further about it.
"My point is, you can't run from him forever," Itsuki continued, retaking her serious voice. "Sooner or later, you'll have to talk to him."
"I'd rather make it later," Yotsuba replied. "I don't feel in the mood right now."
"If you insist." Itsuki stood up. "You know, for a long time you've worked hard to make others happy- For once, you should try to think about your own happiness. There's no one who stops you from doing so… except yourself."
And with those words, Itsuki left, though not before grabbing a bite from the breakfast tray and muttering a "It's delicious, you should eat it now", closing the door behind her and leaving Yotsuba alone with her thoughts, again.
The truth hurt; somehow she never got anything right, and all because she set the bar too high for herself. Before, it had been because, by trying to prove she didn't need anyone she bit off more than she could chew, and now it was because, by trying to place other people's happiness first, she would deny herself her own.
Because there was no one to say that yes, she too deserved to be happy, that her punishment for having been selfish and wanting to stray away from her sisters had already been fulfilled. Was that what she needed? Validation from other people?
'What should I do? What am I supposed to tell Uesugi-san?' she thought, burying her face between her hands.
She was an utter wreck. She knew what she wanted and had to say, but she couldn't find the way to express it in coherent words, neither did she have the courage to see the boy's face. While she knew better than anyone that she couldn't keep things hidden for long, that cowardly part of her still urged her to resist.
All because of that fear of Fuutarou hating her once he knew everything. That was the last thing she wanted, to lose any chance to be in his life, if only as a friend.
A bit later…
After breakfast, the students were allowed to head out for the planned activities. The Nakanos (sans Yotsuba) went their own way, while Fuutarou stuck with Maeda and Takeda. For a change, this time the Uesugi boy felt he was being left out, as while the other two talked to each other, he stayed in the back, just watching them to avoid being left behind when they walker.
To make it worse, halfway through the day it started to rain, and the three had to scramble for cover until the downpour waned a little. While Maeda and Takeda were just slightly miffed at the sudden weather change, Fuutarou somehow found it relaxing, as he watched the drops falling.
As if somehow the storm outside reflected the inner turmoil unleashed inside himself.
"Uesugi… Uesugi?" A hand waved in front of him, and it took him a while to realize it belonged to Maeda. "Dude, you feeling okay?"
"Me? Of course, why shouldn't I?" he said (futilely) trying to pretend.
Of course, Maeda wouldn't buy it. "You can't fool me. Yesterday you were distracted, but today it's almost like you're not even here."
"I hate to say it, but I believe Maeda-kun is right," Takeda added. "Something must have happened yesterday, for you to be like this. Am I right?"
Fuutarou could feel a tinge of mockery in his two friends' words, but their eyes gave away that they were worried about him. Despite considering himself a shut-in person, people seemed able to read through him when something bothered him, and this time was no exception.
However, the boy wasn't exactly keen on sharing the full story, so after giving it some thought, he chose to give them an answer to satisfy their curiosity, and hope they wouldn't press any further.
"Well… I must confess that… Ichika and I broke up," he said after a little hesitation.
Maeda almost jumped after hearing it. Takeda remained composed, but his eyes did widen briefly, and his mouth had dropped its perpetual smile.
"Don't joke man, for real?" Maeda asked. "What happened? You had a fight or something?"
"No, nothing like that," Fuutarou said calmly. "We just… realized things weren't working between us. The truth is… I had been feeling that way for a while."
"That usually happens when someone dates a celebrity," said Takeda. "Ichika-san has been growing more famous as an actress lately, and we barely see her at school. It is possible that she didn't have much time for you, am I wrong?"
"… As a matter of fact, you are," said Fuutarou. "Even on her tight schedule, she'd always do her best to spare time for me. I don't know how she did it, to be honest, but… sometimes she seemed exhausted. I don't think it was easy for her, yet she did it."
"So what was the problem?" Maeda asked.
Fuutarou sighed. "The problem… was me."
The other two were left confused, so he proceeded to explain them as best as he could. Long story short, he told them that he may have gone to her in a moment where he was needing solace over a heartbreak, maybe with a slim hope of falling in love with her. The fact that Ichika tried so hard for him made him feel guiltier over not being able to return her feelings. She was very devoted, trying to balance everything: work, school, and their relationship at the same time. It was incredible, considering that sometimes she was a sleepyhead with a messy room, nobody would believe how hard-working and dedicated she could be. Both had many things in common, being older siblings who understood the responsibilities of that place in the family. Apparently, an area where both could find common ground to get along rather easily.
"I couldn't return her feelings the way she deserved. Right now she must be under a lot of pressure, and in the worst case scenario, I couldn't forgive myself is she gave up her dreams of being an actress just for me. As much as I wanted it, I just didn't have the spark she sought. She deserves someone better."
"Hey, don't undersell yourself, buddy," Maeda gave him some pats on the back. "You realized on time before it brought you both any more heartaches. At least you tried, surely she appreciates that, right?"
"I guess," he said.
Yes, he tried. On the bright side, at least Ichika took it well and was understanding of him. He'd grown fond of her too and he would hate losing the chance to remain as friends. Also, he could feel at ease, not having to worry about potentially dealing with a vengeful, psychotic ex-girlfriend.
But there were still things to solve. Potentially, his relationship with Yotsuba was hanging from a thread, and that thought terrified him. He didn't wish to lose that bond either, and he wasn't sure it'd be worth taking a chance on having something else with her.
"Changing the topic, how are things going between you and Matsui?" Fuutarou asked, trying to deflect attention from himself for a bit.
"Oh, everything's good," the brown-haired boy smiled. "After this trip, we're going for a movie date together, since she'll be busy with the volley club and the regional tournament starting soon."
That also reminded Fuutarou that Yotsuba was in that same team. Another reason to fix things urgently was that it could hamper Yotsuba's performance in other activities, both academic and extracurricular. And no sports team worth their salt should be deprived of their ace player in important matches.
"Ah, look at that. The rain's about to stop," Takeda pointed. "We should hurry back to the hotel now that we can."
"You guys go ahead. I'll catch up later," said Fuutarou.
"You sure? Will you be okay on your own?" Maeda asked.
"Yeah. Don't worry, I just… need some space to think, you know."
Maeda tried to say something else, but Takeda placed a hand on his shoulder, and silently told him it was better that way. Both of them walked away leaving Fuutarou alone, who despite appreciating their concern didn't feel like talking anything else about the matter.
'Yotsuba… if you don't tell me what's going on, I won't be able to help you solve it.'
As he walked on his own, the clouds in the sky slowly cleared off. Fuutarou once more wondered what could be happening to Yotsuba, and if there was something he could do about it.
'Did I say, or do something to you without realizing?' he asked himself.
In hindsight, having grown so obsessed with his studies had docked him many empathy points with people. Before he realized, he'd become a rather insensitive person, someone who cared very little for other people's feelings, bar those who were the closest to him. So it wouldn't surprise him if he did something to Yotsuba without noticing.
It was worse than being in debt, and that said a lot. He already felt that Yotsuba had done a lot for him across this last year, cheering up his life and bringing a light to his gloomy and boring existence. And the thought of not being able to do the same for her didn't sit well with him.
Third day of the trip…
According to schedule, on the final day of the trip there would be optional tours with different activities, and the groups could choose where to go and what to do. Once they finally convinced her to get out of the room, Yotsuba reluctantly accepted the others' lecture, even if she was aware that they tried to send her to patch things up with Fuutarou before the trip ended.
The conversation they had last night was still fresh on her mind. Apparently, after a lot of pondering, Ichika had at last gathered up courage to confront her over what she did, or at least a few things.
…
Since Yotsuba didn't come out during the entire day, the Nakanos bought some food to go and brought it for her at night. They evidently did so as she didn't want to run into Fuutarou at the cafeteria, but she was grateful for it. The food itself wasn't that much: fried noodles, weenies, some bread and pudding for dessert, but when her stomach couldn't stand the hunger anymore, she accepted it and began eating.
None of her sisters said a word for several minutes, limiting themselves to watch. It made sense, as they probably wanted to make sure she would eat it all. Yotsuba was torn between giving in to her stomach's demands of eating as fast as she could, or enduring and take her time to taste and chew it, trying to buy time to delay the inevitable.
"Feeling better now?" asked Ichika. Yotsuba limited herself to nod. "Good, because I think you and I need to talk very seriously."
The inevitable talk. No way to push it back anymore, it was pointless to run away.
"Before anything… I'd like you to explain me why you did it. I thought you said you'd step aside so Fuutarou-kun and I could be together?"
Yotsuba gulped. She did say that, but she was only deceiving herself. Her feelings for the boy never died, no matter how much she tried to suppress them. In fact, they seemed to be growing stronger, to the point the only way to appease them at the time was to kiss him, and tell herself that would be the end.
But it wasn't. Far from it.
"You're still in love with Fuutarou-kun, aren't you?" said Ichika. It wasn't a question; it was a confirmation of facts. Nevertheless, she felt obligated to answer honestly.
"… yeah, I still am," she finally replied.
"After all this time?" Ichika asked.
"… always."
At that moment, Yotsuba almost expected a hard slap, or an angry lecture. But seeing her eldest sister's face, all she found was sadness and disappointment. No anger, no hatred, and that made her feel even worse.
"You had ample chances to get close to him. You could have told him the truth from the start, and retake your relationship where you left off. But you didn't."
"I couldn't," she tried to defend herself.
"You couldn't… or you didn't want to?" Ichika asked. "Or should I say, why you didn't want to?"
She felt like a frozen dagger stabbing her in the chest. Itsuki had asked her the same question, and while she was able to answer it, she wasn't sure she could repeat the same words in front of Ichika. Maybe subconsciously she looked at the youngest sister, as if trying to call her for help, but the latter just shook her head.
"I didn't want… I didn't want Fuutarou to know it was me. Not after the failure I became."
"Failure?" Ichika asked. "Are you talking about that promise you made to each other?"
"That… and everything else. No matter what I try, I can't get anything right. All I do is make a mess of things."
"Then are you just gonna run away?"
The question caught her off-guard. It didn't come from Ichika, but from Nino, who seemingly saw the need to intervene and dragged looks from everyone. The second sister stepped in front of her and spoke in a very serious tone.
"If you've got time to be locked up in here feeling sorry for yourself, maybe you had enough time to think about how to solve this situation."
"Nino…" Yotsuba whispered.
"Crying and whining won't make your troubles go away. If you don't face them head on, they'll just go temporarily, and they'll come back worse later. All this happened because you haven't been honest with yourself, or him."
Nino's words tore her down inside, because they were things she already knew, but refused to acknowledge.
"So it's time to stand up and face it once and for all. You can't stay holed up in here forever, and you know that. And as for you," she then addressed Ichika, "there's still a lot more things you should be saying, am I wrong?"
Yotsuba saw Ichika exchange glances with Nino, before turning back towards her again.
"I think now isn't the right time for that," the eldest sister declared. "Even so, I agree with Nino. Yotsuba, you can't stay in here forever. And especially, you can't evade Fuutarou-kun forever."
…
And that was how the conversation ended. After a lot of pressure and even then reluctantly, Yotsuba finally agreed to the deal. To avoid interference and reduce pressure, each one agreed to leave for a different activity, and told Yotsuba Fuutarou would go to the A-group. Gathering as much courage as possible, the girl started walking towards them.
It seemed simple enough. Fuutarou was there, at about twenty meters from her, talking rather lively with Maeda and Takeda, and they still hadn't noticed her presence. It was nice to see him that way, rather than the typical asocial grump he was when they encountered each other.
But that posed a different problem: how was she going to walk up to him to say it?
"Uesugi-san… can we walk? No, not like that. Hi, Uesugi-san! No, I can't just show up like nothing happened. Uesugi-san… I'm sorry about what happened yesterday, I didn't mean… ah, drat!"
She put her hands on her head and shook it violently as she kneeled down. How was she supposed to tell him? After she ran away from him, she just slammed the door in his face and refused to give explanations on her behavior. Shame and guilt continued to choke her, and with every passing second, it only grew worse.
Finally, the girl clenched her fists, and making an effort to move her knees, she stood up. She had to do this. She couldn't run away from him. Surely he would be understanding of her if she explained from the beginning.
But… what if what wasn't the case? What if, when he knew everything, he would just hate her more? What if he was ashamed of her, and berated her for lying to him, or not keeping the promise they made? All those thoughts continued to torment her, and fear took her over once more.
'The more I wait the worse it'll be… God, why is it so hard to do this?!'
"Ugh… aaahhh…"
While she was busy with her indecisiveness, she didn't notice someone else approaching. It was a female Asahiyama student, albeit one she'd never talked to, and she was holding her forehead with a hand as she stumbled with every step she took, having to hold onto a nearby handrail to stay on her feet.
"Oi!" Yotsuba exclaimed running towards her. "Hey, you alright? Something the matter?"
"My head's… spinning around…"
Yotsuba stared at her with more attention. She was quite pale, and upon touching her forehead, she was burning in fever. Without much thought, she kneeled with her back turned so the girl could ride piggyback.
"C'mon, I'll take you back to the hotel," she said. "You need to see a doctor."
"Thank you…"
She hoisted the girl on her back and carried her. For a moment, however, she couldn't help but glance at Fuutarou, while a voice in the back of her head scolded her for not hurrying, but at the time she couldn't leave this sick girl unattended.
Great timing to decide to do "the right thing" despite the consequences.
A bit later…
After taking the sick girl with the teachers, they realized she was ill already and the rain from yesterday only worsened it. As a result, they decided that it was best to send her home in case it was contagious, and since Yotsuba was with her, she volunteered to escort her, to make sure she'd arrive home safely and just in case she may have caught it too.
As she rode the train back, she couldn't help but feel that, maybe, she'd used this as an excuse to avoid Fuutarou, again. Despite knowing that she had to talk to him, she was too scared to confront him, or rather, of what could come out from that conversation.
Fear. It'd always been fear what stopped her from doing things. She was ashamed of herself for it, but what else could she do? She felt pathetic.
The girl she was accompanying sat next to her, not saying a single word. She didn't want to bother her, though the trip back was going to be long, and she felt she needed to talk to someone. Anybody…
And as if answering her thoughts, her phone started vibrating. A message notification, and she opened her and her sisters' group chat. A message from Nino read:"Where the hell are you? We've been looking for you for almost three hours!"
"Great, just what I needed." Resigned, she typed a reply. "I'm on a train back home. A girl got sick and I was sent with her to make sure she arrives safely."
About a minute or so passed before she got a response, with the blinking dots being a sign that she was writing and perhaps re-writing what she would say. The message ended up being: "Don't joke around. Did you escape so you wouldn't have to talk to Uesugi? Don't be such a coward."
Yotsuba sighed again. "I'm not joking. That's what really happened."
A long moment went by without response, but she never took her eyes off the screen. They were probably arguing on whether she was saying the truth or not. After a few minutes, the one who sent the answer wasn't Nino, but Itsuki: "So what are you gonna do now?"
"That's an excellent question," she muttered, forcing herself to smile even though they couldn't see her. After giving it some thought, she sent one final message. "Guess I'll decide when I'm home. Don't worry about me, I'll be fine. I'll call Ebata-san to pick me up later."
And so, she silenced the notifications so as to have some quiet for a bit. She took a look at the sick girl she was taking home, who seemed to barely remain conscious, and decided that, at least for now, she had to focus on the task she'd been assigned. Fortunately for her, the other girl's address wasn't too far from hers, so she could head home directly when they picked her up.
Sometimes, it wasn't that easy to tell what was the right thing, and that was what put her into this situation to begin with.
…
From the other side of the messages, Fuutarou and the other quints watched the brief conversation. Nino sent a few more messages only to get no response. She finally gave up upon realizing Yotsuba didn't respond.
"I can't believe this," she said annoyed. "She escaped to avoid talking to you."
"Truth be told… I don't think she's lying," said Fuutarou. Nino gave him a glare that clearly questioned his words, so he proceeded to explain. "A few hours ago, when I was with Takeda and Maeda, I saw a girl carrying another on her back. I'd recognize that ribbon on her head anywhere."
There was a little exchange of glances among all four sisters, and after a few seconds they seemed to accept this as a plausible explanation. Nino seemed the only one who had doubts about it, however.
"That, and I overheard the teachers talking about sending a sick student back home with someone else," he added, to dispel any remaining doubt about it. Though it did nothing against the second sister's evident annoyance.
"I don't know, I still think she used it as a pretext to avoid talking to you," she said rather bluntly.
"Nino, don't be so harsh," Ichika intervened. "You know what Yotsuba is like; she won't ignore someone who needs help. It was just a strike of bad luck."
Fuutarou, for his part, was starting to believe that somehow fate was conspiring against him for trying to fix things with Yotsuba. If she was close to where he was at the time, maybe she'd finally built up courage to talk to him, then the sick girl happened to pass by. Being something urgent and impossible to ignore, her attention was deflected elsewhere, and he would lose her momentum.
The initial anger over discovering the kiss had dimmed down already, and he was more willing to listen. Problem now was, would Yotsuba be willing to talk?
"You think she's gonna be fine on her own?" Fuutarou asked, trying not to think about himself too much.
"Well, she said she would ask Ebata-san to pick her up," said Itsuki. "If that's the case, we shouldn't be worried. Rather… I'm worried about what our father will think when he finds out she escaped the trip without us."
"Technically, she didn't escape," Miku pointed. "The teachers gave her permission to leave."
"Who cares now?" Nino intervened. "We'd better go back to the hotel. The sooner the day ends, the better for us."
And as if taking command of the group, Nino started walking, while Miku and Itsuki followed behind after staring at each other while hearing Nino mutter things like "When I get back home…"
Meanwhile, Fuutarou and Ichika remained behind, still thinking about all that happened in the past two days.
"You alright?" the eldest sister asked. "Are you still upset about what happened?"
"Are you?" he replied back.
"Hmm… I don't know, to be honest," Ichika answered. "Part of me thinks I should be, and the other… thinks this isn't the time to be hard on Yotsuba."
"That makes two of us, then," said Fuutarou with full honesty. He too was unsure as to how he should feel, especially now that his initial anger had subsided, and had time to assimilate all about the situation.
Something in him told him that Yotsuba never meant any harm, but just let herself get carried away by her feelings, unable to control them. Having heard from Ichika that she'd been in love with him all this time, but didn't dare say it, gave many of her actions a completely new context.
Said context remained incomplete, however, and the real reason everything happened remained a mystery. Fuutarou had a strange feeling that, maybe, Ichika knew more than she let on about what happened, and while he suspected she wouldn't answer so easily, he still needed to ask the question.
"Ichika… is there anything else I need to know? Do you have any idea why Yotsuba did all this?"
The eldest Nakano looked away. She seemed to be pondering on whether she should tell him or not. Judging by her look, she probably knew; however, the answer was a negative, just as he expected.
"I don't think it's my place to tell that," she said in a low voice. "And sadly, I can't force her to spill it out either. I know she won't forgive me if I do that, and I don't wanna give her reasons to hate me."
"I see," Fuutarou replied, sighing with resignation. "Well, there's nothing else to do. At least for now."
"I'm really sorry, Fuutarou-kun," Ichika apologized. "I wish I could do more for you guys, but…"
"No, you don't need to apologize," he interrupted. "You're a good sister, and I respect you for that."
He thought he'd seen the glimpse of a melancholic smile in the Nakano's face at the compliment, but right then Nino called out to them to move, so they had no choice but to comply and walk behind the others, heading back to the hotel. The sky was starting to dye in orange as the sun began to set, putting an end to the day.
'Nino is right,' Fuutarou thought. 'Let's hope today ends quick.'
What a way to end the Kyoto school trip. He'd surely remember it for a long time, albeit maybe not for the right reasons.
To be continued...
Author's notes:
Okay, people, I've finally returned. Beforehand, in order to explain my absence and lack of updates, turns out that about three months ago I've been having finger pains so intense they killed my writing drive for a while. I've been going to a physiatrist for therapy twice a week to deal with it, and only recently did I recover enough to retake my fics. I'll say, losing the writing momentum sucks, as it takes me a lot to regain it, but luckily I managed to get back on track. Maybe a little slower than before, but I hope I can pick up the pace gradually.
So, on to the chapter. Unlike canon, the Kyoto trip doesn't end with a resolution, which was my plan from the beginning. Yotsuba is still afraid of confroting Fuutarou with the truth, and while he's still upset about what happened, at least he's cooled off enough to be willing to hear her out. Ichika, for her part, seems to have conflicted feelings about all that happened, and it's no wonder; just imagine what's it like when your own sister goes to kiss your boyfriend posing as you, and everything that implies. The consequences of that will show on the next, and as I stated on previous chapters, there's no way for Yotsuba to continue evading her past and her bad choices. I think I've finally surpassed the hardest hurdle I had during this stage, as the next events are much more clear to me, so I hope I can return to a more regular update schedule (assumming I won't have any more setbacks). I still need to get out of my head one or two short stories, though, so I'll try to get those done first.
So, without extending myself any further, thanks for the reviews to JOA20, TheMist33, bobalon and JNT. Special thanks to Shadechu Nightray for her continued betareading work (also for helping me overcome this writer's block). I'll take the chance to give some advertisement to StarCatTibalt's story, titled "The Quintessential Quintuplets: Wings into the Sky", an AU that takes a more serious approach and explores the characters in depth showing them with more personal issues than it seems at first glance (and not just the protagonists themselves). While I don't fully share the character intepretation, it's so well-written that I'm enjoying it regardless, so if you can, give it a look. That's all I have to say, until next time, sayonara!