A/N- Come in, come in, Who ordered a big steaming pile of "dealing with your trauma?" No one? Too bad. We're here now. Also I've locked the doors.
Enjoy!?
Also, did anyone get an alert for the last chapter? I didn't. Seems weird. Hopefully we all got one for this chapter, otherwise it feels like I'm just kind of screaming into the void here. (He said, ignoring the fact that's pretty much what he's been doing.)
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An ominous chill ran down Ilia Amitola's spine. It would have been easy to blame it on the cool night air, or the altitude, but the knot in her guts that accompanied said chill made it obvious, she was nervous. And yet, despite this gnawing feeling of dread, Ilia had no reservations about what she was about to do, and all she had to do was look to her left to be reminded why.
Standing at her side, the rabbit girl gawked adorably at the sight of the Huntsmen school's campus. She'd kind of hoped her little surprise would evoke this kind of reaction. Ilia could practically feel the excitement radiating off the other girl.
A part of her was jealous, the chameleon girl wished she could still see the world the way Carm did. The long eared faunus' wide eyed innocence and enthusiasm was something Ilia had lost a long time ago. At the very least, thanks to the semblance she'd helped the other faunus unlock, Ilia could relive a bit of those feelings secondhand.
The spotted girl smiled softly. She knew it was unlikely, but she really hoped Carmella never lost that side of herself, never stopped seeing the beauty in things. This world needed more people like that, or at least that's how Ilia felt anyway.
Carm had been good to her, had seen good in her, and had proved herself to Ilia time and time again, the only reason she'd ever faltered in that belief was because of Ilia herself trying to keep secrets, that was the reason the chameleon girl had decided the other faunus deserved to know about her past. Would Carmella accept her afterwards? Well... things would be different between the two of them, that was the only thing Ilia could say for certain. All she could do was be truthful and see where they landed. Besides, if she was honest, that was only ninety percent of what had her worried.
The conversation she'd had with Blake was still ringing in Ilia's ears, particularly the part about Carm and hers... relationship... or more accurately, whether or not one could even exist.
Gods, this was a lot for the poor chameleon girl to handle. This all felt entirely different from her crush on Blake. Things had almost been easier back then, harboring her hidden feelings, acknowledging them, but never actually doing anything. She'd told herself during those days that she was doing the right thing keeping it a secret, sparing both of their feelings, avoiding the rejection and disappointment Ilia always expected. This time though? Those old ways just weren't going to cut it. She NEEDED to know if Carmella felt the same way she did, there was a burning, deep down inside, a yearning to just... know. Yes or no, she had to make a move, before it was too late... in more ways than one.
Oh, right, and then there was the other little tidbit Blake had so graciously informed Ilia of. On top of her own personal issues, the chameleon faunus now had the addition of a horrifying threat to the world hanging over her head. The chameleon girl still wasn't exactly sure if she believed what Blake had told her. The idea that the Creatures of Grimm had this... leader of sorts, this... "Salem" figure, one solitary, malicious being, guiding them to wipe out humans, faunus, and essentially, any and all traces of their existence, it was... impossible, right?...
And Ilia would probably be more inclined to dismiss these claims... if anyone other than Blake had been revealing this to her.
Sure, things between two of them were only just starting to really mend, but the spotted girl knew her friend well enough to know she wasn't capable of a lie this elaborate. Plus, the way Blake had told her, the way her cat ears went flat on her head, nearly disappearing into her raven colored locks, the way the other faunus was clutching at her own wrists to stop her hands from shaking, the small traces of sweat that had gathered on her temple as she spoke to Ilia about this... this force of nature that was out there, it was too convincing. Blake was a lot of things, but never that good of an actress.
So then, if the cat eared girl wasn't lying, then that left only one possibility in Ilia's mind; Salem was in fact real, and Blake and her friends were on the- potentially deadly- mission to try and stop her, as well as her forces that had attacked Haven barely over a week ago. That was... a lot, at the very least utterly terrifying to even consider.
"... Ilia?"
The chameleon girl blinked quickly a few times as she returned to reality to find Carmella staring at her with a concerned look on her eyes.
"What's wrong?" the rabbit girl asked.
Ilia hadn't realized it, but her despondent thoughts had managed to turn her soft smile into a discouraged frown. However, one look the girl in front of her blew those dark clouds out of the sky. Because as scared as Ilia might be at the idea of all this Salem stuff being true, it had nothing to do with tonight.
Tonight wasn't about Salem, or even Blake, it was about Carmella and Ilia. After nursing a broken heart for what felt like years, Ilia was finally ready to try again, to lay out all her feelings to the rabbit eared teen. All she could do was hope the other faunus felt the same way.
"It's nothing," Ilia replied as the carefree grin returned to her face. "Come on, it's just a little further."
So the pair walked along the top of the wall they'd scaled. Every once and a while Ilia would stop them as she noticed a flashlight's glow slowly moving across the campus below them. She'd quickly latch herself onto Carm's arm and they'd wait until the sentry passed before continuing onwards. Security was still patrolling the grounds after the attack, but even though it had only been about a week, the vigilance of said security was already starting to waver. A few- most likely underpaid and overworked- members of the Mistral PD was apparently all the kingdoms council was willing to spare at this point, and while that might be a problem to anyone stalking the the pathways and courtyards of Haven, these men clearly weren't being paid enough to look up, so Ilia wasn't too worried.
After one more short- and much less eventful- leap from the wall to the nearest building, Ilia and Carmella settled on the tile covered rooftop, sitting next to each other and staring up at the blanket of bright stars in the sky. It wasn't exactly comfortable seating, not to mention the cold air from the altitude of the mountain based academy, but the view more than made up for it. Here, far above the lights of Mistral's night life, one could make out every constellation and swirling cosmos in the sea of darkness above, with the only illumination coming from the shattered moon that they framed.
"Woah," Ilia heard Carmella exclaim as they both craned their necks back to stare upwards. Again, she'd kind of hoped the view would earn that sort of reaction.
There hadn't been much time to enjoy this sight the first time Ilia had seen it, the night of the White Fang's attack, as she'd been hurrying across Haven's buildings to discreetly disarm bombs placed on the CCT tower. This time though, there was nothing stopping the chameleon girl from basking in the majesty of what was before her.
"Beautiful, right?" the spotted girl said as she continued to look upwards.
"... Yeah," Carmella replied, sounding awestruck.
Ilia smiled, her gaze again drifting to the girl sitting next to her. However, as she did, she noticed Carm's head quickly turn away, almost like the other faunus had been caught doing something she wasn't supposed to. That was when Ilia realized that it hadn't been the sky or the scenery Carmella had been observing when she'd agreed that what she was looking at was "beautiful."
The spots on the chameleon girls face lit up pink as she quickly looked away as well, her head buzzing with the implications of what she'd just heard. In the midst of all this awkwardness, a long silence stretched out between the two girls. Internally, Ilia struggled to recollect her thoughts, her earlier resolve and determination shattered by what was really just a simple compliment. Should she... should she ask Carmella now? Was this the right time? Brothers, this was even harder than the spotted faunus imagined it would be.
"So... uh..." Carmella mercifully broke the silence, clearing her throat, before finally turning to face Ilia, staring at her expectantly. After receiving nothing but a blank look from the spotted faunus, the rabbit girl's head tilted slightly, her long ears bobbing a little. "You... said you were ready to talk?"
"Oh," Ilia eyes widened as she remembered the surface reason she'd brought Carmella here in the first place. "Right, um..." she started, but it seemed that her confidence still hadn't recovered.
It wasn't so much that Ilia was still unwilling to talk about her past. If Carmella hadn't lost faith in her yet, after everything they'd been through this crazy week, then what was one or two more earth shattering revelations? No, it was more that the chameleon faunus had no idea where to even start. Her life story wasn't exactly a cheerful or uplifting tale, but she'd made a promise, so...
Seeming to sense her friends discomfort- possibly even literally- Carmella chimed back in; "Sorry, I'm not trying to rush you or anything. What if I went first?"
"First?" Ilia asked, confused by the phrasing.
"Well, yeah," The rabbit girl explained with a cheerful expression, "there's a bunch of stuff I don't know about you, but I bet there's just as much you don't know about me, so why don't I go first? That sound fair?"
The suggestion caught the spotted faunus completely off guard, followed by an immense feeling of guilt at the fact that in all the time the two had spent together, Ilia had not once inquired about Carmella's past. She'd been so focused on keeping things bottled up and hidden, she'd avoided any topics at all that might cause the rabbit girl to probe into Ilia's own history. At the time it had seemed practical, that was the way she'd always avoided such topics, but now it just seemed negligent and selfish, not that Carm saw it that way, of course.
"I mean, it's probably not super interesting or anything compared to your story, so maybe you don't-"
"I want to," Ilia suddenly blurted out, cutting off the rabbit girl before she could rescind her offer.
A look of surprise washed over Carmella that melted into a gentle smile. She chuckled quietly and brushed her short, brunette hair behind her left ear (the lower one).
"O-okay then," she said, looking flustered under the attentive gaze of the other faunus, then leaned back on the sloped roof, staring up at the nights sky. "Well... I've lived on Menagerie whole life, but I think I already told your that much."
Not wanting to interrupt, Ilia gave only a short nod in response.
"My families lived there since... well, forever, I guess," Carmella continued. "'As long as there's been good soil on the island, there's been a Lindt to farm in it,' is what my dad always says. My great, great, great grandparents moved there almost immediately after it was first settled, and got to farming right away, passing the family business down to their kids, who passed out to their kids, all the way down to... me, someday, I guess..."
There was a strange, almost crestfallen expression that flashed across Carmella's face as she continued to stare off into space.
"You don't like it?" Ilia asked.
"Hmm? Oh no, no, no, no, it's not that, it's... fine, just... sometimes I just wonder if I could do more, you know?"
"What do you want to do?"
Carmella turned to Ilia, looking like she wasn't sure how to answer that question. She sat up, crossing her legs beneath her. After a quiet moment, The rabbit girl opened her mouth to reply, but merely sighed, then closed it.
"You'll laugh," the long eared faunus mumbled off to the side.
"I won't," Ilia fired back reassuringly, "I promise. Please? I want to know."
After another- much longer- sigh, Carm relented. "Alright... I... kinda, sorta always wanted to be... a Huntress..."
There was another long beat of silence between the two, Carmella watching Ilia, almost expectantly, like she was waiting for the spotted girl to break into hysterical laughter at what she'd just heard, but Ilia just stared back.
"I don't understand," the chameleon faunus said.
"I know, it's stupid, right? It's just some dumb, immature-"
"No, I mean, I don't understand why you'd think I'd laugh at that."
A tiny, barely audible, "hmm?" slipped past Carmella's lips at Ilia's words, the look on her face somewhere between surprise and confusion. She didn't reply for several moments, the rabbit girl appearing to be frozen as her caramel colored eyes gleamed under the moonlight.
Ilia had always had a complicated view when it came to the Huntsmen and Huntresses of the world. On the one hand, they were commonly on the side of law enforcement, which meant they were destined to clash with the White Fang's ever growing lack of morality back when she worked for them. Ilia herself had never encountered any of the officially licensed protectors in her work for the twisted faunus civil rights group, but she'd heard stories, as well as the warnings, from her elders in the association. Huntsmen had foiled more than one of the White Fang's operations, and the chameleon girl had always been told to make herself scarce at the first sighting of one.
On the other hand, their were things Ilia respected about the occupation too, and the title associated with it. For starters, there was no discrimination as to who could join their ranks, at least none formally. Different people and different groups would always have their opinions, but on paper, there was nothing stopping any person of any race from becoming a Huntsmen or Huntress. The only real requirement for the job was bravery and selflessness, that kind of criteria alone was enough to earn the spotted girls respect. Sure, there were those who were just in it for the money, but in Ilia's research, they were very few and far between and didn't tend to last long. Honestly, the rabbit girl in front of her seemed to embody all the required skills and traits for this "dream job" of hers. So why'd she expect the other faunus to laugh it off?
Carmella continued to stare silently. "... What?" Ilia asked, a bit worried. Had she said something wrong?
Fortunately, the one word was enough to bring Carm out of whatever stupor she'd entered. She gave her head a quick shake and blinked a few times, still looking like she wasn't able to process Ilia's earlier statement. Once fully recovered, the rabbit ears on top of the girls head began to sink downwards.
"Well... I mean... it's too late... right?" Carmella said despondently.
"Too late?"
"Yeah, I'm too old to start the training," the brunette faunus elaborated. "By now most people would've already started going to an officially licensed school and gotten accepted to one of those fancy, schmancy, Huntsmen academies, not that I could ever afford to go to one anyway, never mind what my parents would say about it. Plus, Menagerie is like, a million miles away from any of the good schools. And none of that stuff even matters because it's not like I'd ever get in anyway, I'm just... just..."
"... Just Carmella?" Ilia finished the other girls thought and gave her a patient look. "I think we already had a chat about who 'Just Carmella' is, and my opinion on that hasn't exactly changed."
This managed to get a weak smile out of the other faunus, so Ilia continued, "And I have to say, most of those reasons you seem to think you can't do it? They aren't as big of dealbreakers as you might think."
One of the rabbit girls long ears perked up a little. "Don't get me wrong, schools like this-" Ilia gestured to the courtyard below them, containing the CCT tower, as well as Haven Academies main building, "-they're popular for a reason, but they can't teach you everything. Look at me for example; I never set foot in a place like this until about a week ago, but I'd say I'm still pretty capable."
That was the closest Ilia had come to bragging in a long time, and if she was honest, it didn't feel great, but all this seemed to be improving Carmella's mood, so she kept going.
"My point is, if you ever wanted to pursue that dream of yours, there's more than one path out there for you. Just because other people chose to go to an academy like this, doesn't mean you have to too, there are lots of ways to learn. I mean, just look at you now," Ilia gestured again, this time to the rabbit girl herself. "Continents away from home, fresh off of fighting for a cause bigger than yourself, and getting stronger every day. Sounds to me like you're already well on your way."
The rabbit eared girl looked thoughtful for a moment, then turned to the sprawling institution that surrounded the two of them, a building she'd only ever dreamed of attending, let alone just visiting, and a small grin tugged at the edge of her lips.
"Heh... maybe you're right," Carmella said with a newfound hopeful expression.
"And for the record, I think you'd make a great Huntress," the chameleon girl stated plainly, like it was the most natural and obvious thing in the world, because to her, it genuinely was.
The rabbit faunus turned to Ilia, looking mildly shocked for a moment, before it melted back into her usual smirk that always made the spotted girls heart melt.
"Heh," Carm again timidly tucked some of her short, brunette hair behind her left ear, "Wow, something else I always wanted someone to tell me..." she muttered quietly.
"What?"
"N-never mind," The rabbit girl stammered out, sitting up straight again and clearing her throat quickly. "Anyway, I think I was telling you about my family, right? So yeah, it's me, my mom, my dad... and my three brothers."
"Three?" Ilia asked in mild disbelief. She'd had no idea Carmella came from such a big family.
"Ugh. Yes," the rabbit girl grumbled out with an exhausted expression. "Phyll, Carrie, and Rodney. Phyll's the oldest, the other two are the youngest, twins actually, aaaaand I'm stuck in the middle."
"Gods," Ilia replied, the very idea of such a crowded, predominantly male, household made her head spin. "That sounds like-"
"Chaos?" Carm cut in, a small, but still tired looking grin on the edge of her lips, "Yeah, that's pretty much my life. Carr and Rod are nine, so they keep the rest of us on our toes. I swear you can't take your eyes off those little bugger's for a second, their always getting into something they shouldn't. Phyll's a couple of years older than me, and the first to break free from the family business. He actually managed to get into the Menagerie Guard. I guess I always kinda looked up to him for that, going his own way and all. Just don't ever tell him I said that if you meet him. I'd never hear the end of it."
There was a sudden sense of melancholy behind the rabbit girls smile that did not go unnoticed by the spotted girl. "Do you miss them?" Ilia asked, seemingly out of nowhere. "I mean, it must be hard being so far away."
Carmella seemed to process this for a few seconds, looking off into the distance. "I really do... more than I ever thought I would.." she finally admitted, "but at the same time, being away like this, for the first time ever, it feels... good, freeing, like a dream... one that I'm afraid to wake up from... does that sound weird?"
"Not at all," Ilia reassured the rabbit girl.
She knew all too well the allure of a life on the road. Seeing the world, meeting new people, a few of which might not even want to shoot at you right away. It wasn't always perfect, but it was never dull, and never knowing what to expect the next day was just part of the thrill. Then again, Ilia had always had her family- her surrogate one- close at hand when traveling, so maybe she couldn't relate as well as she thought.
"Aside from that, there's all my friends from school," Carmella went on. "Let's see, there's Julian, Fin, Esma-"
Ilia continued to sit there in stunned silence as the rabbit faunus listed off what had to be about two dozen names. This was... a lot of friends, not to say the chameleon girl was surprised or anything, having spent barely a week with this girl had provided more than enough evidence to reveal that she was what many called a "people person." That was in complete contrast to Ilia, who could probably list all her own close acquaintances on one hand, even less if you only counted those close to her own age.
Maybe the spotted girl was just being selfish, but... hearing just how many other "friends" her rabbit eared companion had back home made the time the two of them had spent together seem all the more smaller and insignificant. It made her doubt if she was even worthy of being part of such a list... never mind asking for more...
"-Oh! And then there's Mata, of course, he's like, my best friend."
"Mata..." Ilia pondered aloud, "is he that big guy with the horns?" the ponytailed faunus recalled having seen him and Carmella together a few times during the training back on Menagerie, as well as here in Mistral.
Carmella's long ears perked up. "Yeah, do you know him?"
"Oh, no, it's just... I saw the two of you together a few times, that's all," Ilia replied, trying to hide her growing disappointment. "You guys seemed really... close."
"Heh, heh, yeah," Carm said with a fond look in her eyes. "Partners in crime since we were kids."
"Partners?..." Ilia thought aloud, before instantly regretting the slip up as Carmella gave her a confused look.
Whether it was the expression on Ilia's face, or maybe the rabbit girl was getting a little too good at reading the other faunus' emotions, whatever the reason, Carmella stared at the ponytailed teen for a moment, the gears turning in her head, until finally her eyes lit up in realization.
"Oh!" the long eared girl laughed a little, with a twinge of awkwardness. "No, no, no, no, no, not like "partners" partners," she explained. "No, nothing like that, Mata's just a friend. He's not... um... Let's just say I'm not his, uh-" the brunette faunus raised her hands and made air quotes, "-type."
"Type?" Ilia pondered verbally, until the puzzles pieces finally clicked together. "So he's-"
"Put me in the friend zone for all eternity? Yes," Carm cut in with a smirk. "So yeah, no boyfriend, not at the moment, anyway."
"Oh. Okay, cool, cool," Ilia replied, trying to play it off like she wasn't thrilled by the revelation that the amazing girl sitting oh so close to her was currently single. "... Girlfriend?"
Again, the one word question slipped past the spotted girls lips before she could consider the implications of asking it. She instantly felt the pink rush over her face, and then almost halfway down her arms. Ilia had never been more grateful for the darkness of night, which was currently- hopefully- hiding her color change from the company with her. Although, as mortifying as asking something like this was, Ilia couldn't deny her curiosity.
Carm looked just as shocked by the inquiry for a second, the noticeable blush rising to the rabbit girls cheeks giving Ilia a clear indication that the time of day had most likely done very little to hide her own embarrassment just now.
The long eared faunus laughed again, this time into the side of her hand- probably in an attempt to hide her reddening face. "Um... nope," Carmella mumbled out, seeming to suddenly find it very difficult to look at Ilia, "that uh... position is uh... just as vacant. B-but I'm always looking for new... applicants..."
The rabbit girls expression cringed as her own words seemed to catch up with her, and her face fell into her hands. The shame currently radiating off Carmella practically lit up the night sky as the brunette faunus gave a quiet groan to herself.
"... Why do I say things?" Carm mumbled into her own palms.
Gods, this girl was such a dork sometimes... And Ilia loved it.
So, Carmella was single... and apparently wasn't opposed to the idea of a girl filling that role... that was... good to know. Ilia smiled to herself, trying to hide the fact that her heart was currently doing cartwheels in her chest at the idea that there was even a chance for her. Now then, what was she prepared to do with this information?
"Right, so, if I'm done embarrassing myself," Carm said, finally lifting her head, having recovered from her- self inflicted- mortification, "anything else you want to know about my family back home, or...?"
The meaning behind the hopeful- as well as borderline expectant- look on the rabbit faunus' face went over Ilia's head for a second or two, until it finally hit her what her friend was trying to imply.
It was Ilia's turn to share now.
Honestly with the all the giddiness she was currently experiencing, the chameleon girl had completely forgotten why she'd invited the other faunus out here tonight. There was no more avoiding this, no more deflections, or half truths, she needed to tell Carmella about her past, especially if she wanted this relationship to actually go anywhere.
Ilia have a quick, anxious sigh. "Yeah, okay," she said, before taking another breath.
"You know, you really don't have to if you don't want to," Carmella said. "Call me crazy, but I get the feeling this isn't something you like to talk about, so if I'm being a little too pushy-"
"No," the ponytailed girl cut in, "I need to do this." She gave the other girl a weak smirk, "I mean, it's only fair, right?"
Carmella returned the smile, but offered no more objections. Ilia could tell that despite her giving the tight lipped chameleon faunus every possible out she could, Carm really desperately wanted to know more about her. Not just because she was curious, but because she genuinely cared, Ilia had no doubts that was true.
It would be hard, Ilia knew that, but Carmella deserved the truth, and had waited far too long for it. So, the spotted faunus closed her eyes, savoring one last moment of reprieve, and then reopened them to begin her story;
"Well... I guess there's no better place to start than the beginning," Ilia said, her tone quiet, as she folded her legs up and wrapped her arms around them in an attempt to stave off the growing unpleasantness in her stomach. "I was actually born in Atlas, if you can believe that."
"Wait," Carm cut in, barely two sentences into Ilia's story, "Atlas, like, largest kingdom on Remnant, city in the sky, home to the wealthy and powerful? That Atlas?"
"Well, Mantle, technically," Ilia clarified, realizing how misleading her wording was, even if it was sort of true, in a broad sense anyway. Atlas and Mantle may be seen as part of the same kingdom, but they were essentially as different as night and day, at least for anyone that lived there.
"Wow, but still though," Carm replied, wide eyed at what she'd just learned, "that's practically the other side of the world compared to Menagerie."
"Honestly, aside from the climate, Mantle wasn't all that different from the island. At least from what I can remember anyway," Ilia continued on, her mind trying to recollect as it drifted back to those old days. "It was always crowded, people coming and going at all hours of the day, there was almost constant construction going on, either fixing the crappy wall that protected us from the Grimm, or just building more housing to cram even more people into an already overpopulated city."
"So, how'd you end up on the island?" the rabbit girl asked.
"Well, if you'd let me tell the story..." Ilia said, giving her impatient audience a deadpan look.
Carmella looked guilty, before running her thumb and pointer finger across her lips, miming that she was ready to zip it and listen. Ilia gave the ridiculous rabbit girl an amused smirk before continuing;
"Anyway, it was tough growing up in a city like that, but as a kid, I don't think it ever really bothered me. I mean, I knew we were poor, that we didn't have much, and there were definitely parts of the neighborhood I was told to avoid, but I wasn't miserable or anything. I had food, a roof over my head, there wasn't much else that I needed. I'd even go as far as to say I was happy, or content at least, and I owed a lot of that to... my parents."
Okay, now it was time for the hard part. Ilia swallowed hard, gathering whatever resolve she had stored up in preparation as Carmella continued to watch and listen in silence.
"They... weren't around as much as I would've liked. Mom and Dad always picked up as many shifts as they could at work in order to keep up with bills and put food on the table. Sometimes a whole day would go by and I'd only see one of them, others they'd have one of our neighbors watch me, but most of the time... I'd spend the entire day alone. I had to learn to take care of myself for the most part, cooking my own meals, doing my homework, and making sure I got to bed on time. It was hard, but I guess I got pretty good at it."
"It wasn't like I ever felt neglected or anything though. I knew my parents loved me, and I understood why they had to work so hard. And when they could, my parents spent every spare moment they had taking care of me."
An unexpected, small grin tugged at the edge of Ilia's lips as she reminisced. "I remember... on their day off, every other week or so, they'd take me down to this little playground around the corner. It was close by, but I wasn't allowed to go there alone, like I said, the neighborhood we lived in wasn't great. I'd get so excited to go, all for a few rusty swings and a creaky slide, but I don't think it had anything to do with what was there, it was more that they chose to spend what little leisure time they had making me happy."
It was such a strange thing to focus on, out of all the memories she'd lost with time, those short walks, hand in hand with her parents, those were the ones her mind clung to most. She could barely even remember what they looked like by now, it wasn't like she had any pictures or anything, but Ilia never forgot how it felt looking up at their tired, but still always proud faces. The feelings she associated with those memories were stronger than even the memories themselves, which kept them preserved all these years.
Ilia suddenly felt a pulse of warmth from that part of her soul that she shared with Carmella, but she wasn't put off by the feeling, it felt nice to share a good memory with someone else after trying for so long to ignore and bury them in her subconscious.
However, as bright and pleasant as this memory was, there was a speck of blackness on it, one that began to grow larger and larger, overtaking the warm feelings with a cold sense of dread. The more the chameleon girl thought about her parents, about Mantle in general, the more that darkness grew, and Carmella felt it too.
The rabbit girl kept her word and remained quiet, but the question on her mind didn't need to be said aloud, it crept into Ilia's mind regardless.
What happened to them?...
And here we were, the core of this entire conversation, the thing Ilia had been dreading talking about most of all, and the catalyst for pretty much every bad decision she'd made in her short life. This was going to suck.
Maybe she was getting worked up over nothing. I mean, it wasn't like Ilia hadn't told this story before or anything. So a bad thing happened to her a long time ago, what was the big deal? The chameleon girl was hardly the first or last person to experience something like that. She should just get it out there, then Carmella would be satisfied, and they could both move on with their lives. No sweat.
And yet, despite her best efforts to trivialize literally the worst thing that ever happened to her, Ilia felt the blue threatening to creep up her arms and legs. All these years later, she still felt the same way she had that day at school. Hearing the news bulletin, the snickers of the other kids, turning to gasps as the chameleon girls true nature was revealed.
Ilia took a long, quiet breath, in through her nose, and out her mouth, steadying her quickly fraying nerves. She could do this. This wasn't a bunch of snobby rich kids she was dealing with, it was Carmella, someone who'd shown the spotted girl more understanding and care than Ilia had ever thought she deserved. The chameleon girl clutched her hands together in her lap, tight, her gaze was directed straight ahead, a far off look in her eyes, as if she was trying her best to disassociate from this situation. It was no use however, there was no more escaping this, it was time.
"They worked for the SDC, in their dust mines," Ilia started, her voice sounding strained, as if some part of herself was still struggling against this, but the spotted girl refused to let that little voice her head have its way, not this time at least.
"It was hard work, but also the only kind people like them could get in Mantle," As Ilia continued, and her thoughts went to the company her parents had worked for, she felt the long held bitterness she associated with the Schnee name begin to surface. Her eyes narrowed as the anger began bubbling up inside herself, but the chameleon girl held her tongue. This wasn't the time to bring up old grudges.
"... but it was also dangerous..." Ilia had to stop herself again, taking another deep breath before ripping off this particular band-aid. "One day... when I was about six years old.. there was... an accident in the mines. The dust they were harvesting was agitated- highly volatile- and all it took was one misstep by a tired and overworked employee to set off a chain reaction of explosions." The chameleon girl looked up at the shattered moon in the night sky, and it stared back at her, just as cold and indifferent towards Ilia- as well as the rest of the world it orbited -as it ever was. "The mine collapsed... none of the workers made it out alive... my parents included."
There, it was out, the deed was done. Whatever came next, at the very least, Carmella might understand a little better why Ilia was so... the way that she was. The ponytailed faunus silently waited for the rabbit girls response, but when there was none, she turned her head towards the teen sitting next to her and was greeted by a pair of wide, glistening, golden eyes staring a hole straight through her.
Carmella almost looked frozen in place. At some point during the spotted girls story, the other faunus had turned her body slightly, shifting weight onto her hip, with her hands supporting her on the slanted, tile covered roof, but showed no signs of further movement. Her mouth was slightly agape, like she'd been petrified mid gasp. She just stared at Ilia in complete silence, her eyes looking about ready to burst from the tears forming behind them.
"Um... Carm?" Ilia asked, her words trying to shake her friend back to life again. She'd been expecting some kind of reaction to her tale from the long eared faunus, but this silence, it was a little unnerving.
Thankfully, the rabbit girl blinked a few times, signaling that she was at the very least responsive. She opened her mouth to speak, but then quickly closed it, giving Ilia an inquisitive look. The chameleon girl wasn't sure why at first, but eventually came to a realization and gave her eyes a quick roll.
"Yes, you're allowed to talk now," Ilia said with exhausted sounding amusement.
Carmella managed an incredibly weak smirk, before her expression soared back into sadness. "Ilia, I..." the rabbit girl started, but despite being granted the ability to speak again, seemed incapable of finding the right words.
The brunette faunus struggled with vocalizing her thoughts for a bit longer, her gaze flickering between Ilia and the space around her. Eventually, Carm readjusted herself so she was resting on her knees, facing towards the spotted girl.
She looked down at her hands as she fiddled with them a little, tracing them with her fingers. "Can I um... Do you mind if I hugged you?" the long eared faunus finally asked.
The request caught Ilia a little off guard. She was glad her friend had respected her boundaries, remembering to to ask first, but it was still a little unexpected.
Was Carmella trying to... coddle her? That hadn't been Ilia's wish going into this. The only reason she'd even brought any of this up was for Carm's sake, not her own. The rabbit girl had questions regarding her, ones that were beginning to take a toll on their budding friendship, and Ilia had only wanted to clear the air between them, nothing else. She hadn't done this to make Carmella... feel bad or anything, that was the last thing the spotted faunus wanted for her, or anyone for that matter. Ilia's baggage was her own, no one else's.
But then again... She didn't not want a free hug from Carmella...
"Sure? I mean, if you want to," the chameleon faunus replied, not sounding entirely unenthusiastic, but mostly just confused as to the reasoning behind the offer.
The rabbit girl scooted closer on her knees, before gingerly wrapping her arms around Ilia, doing her best to be extra gentle on the parts of the spotted faunus' back where her scars were, her head settling in between the other teens neck and shoulder.
Ilia barely budged from her spot, it wasn't exactly the most tender of embraces, for no lack of trying on Carmella's part. Rather, the problem lied with Ilia herself, who was finding difficulty in accepting the gesture.
"I'm sorry that you had to go through all that," the long eared girl said quietly, resting her head on the other faunus' spot covered shoulder.
With a bit of a wince, Ilia gave a hum of a reply. Like she'd told Weiss earlier in the week, she didn't really like hearing "sorry" from people in regards to what she'd been through, but like every other time, she knew it wasn't the person who was saying it's fault. That was just what you were supposed to say to someone in a situation like this. So the ponytailed faunus endured the bitter tasting sympathy and the hug as best she could- the latter being the far more enjoyable of the two. If this was what Carmella needed to do for the two of them to just move past all this, then so be it.
Besides, the hug part wasn't so bad, Ilia could say that much for certain. The feeling of the other faunus girls warmth pressed up against her made the situation infinitely more bearable.
"Are you okay?"
Everything stopped. Every thought in the chameleon girls brain came to a screeching halt. Again, a question from Carmella's mouth had surprised Ilia, she blinked a few times in silence as she processed it.
"I... What?" the slightly stunned faunus asked.
Carmella lifted her head from the other girls shoulder, her eyes a little wet as she looked at Ilia. "I just... I can't imagine having to go through something like that. You were just a little kid, to lose both parents like that... I just wanted to ask if you're okay..."
Ilia just continued to stare back, still trying to regain her footing from the sudden inquiry into her own mental health.
It was... such a ridiculous thing to ask, really. Of course she wasn't "okay," or whatever, but that didn't mean she wasn't fine. All this was ancient history, hardly even worth thinking about. I mean, okay, maybe Ilia hadn't done the best job "managing" her grief, but it was fine. Sure, she'd basically weaponized her own trauma, sharpening it like a dagger and using to strike back against the world of humanity, but she was fine now, definitely not "okay," but then again, who was? Fine was the best anyone living in a world like this could hope for, which she was. Fine. She was fine.
The word "fine" seemed to lose more and more meaning every time Ilia repeated it in her head, but it was the truth though. Despite everything that had happened, everything she'd lost, she was fine.
...
But then why couldn't she say it?...
The most obvious answer also happened to be the right one; Ilia Amitola was not in fact fine, she wasn't okay, or well, or any amalgamation of those words, she hadn't been for a long, long time.
Sure enough, the bewildered chameleon girl just sat there, her mouth left slightly agape, with the intention of saying words, but Ilia couldn't find any to satiate that cold, aching, brick of grief that had long ago wedged itself into her heart.
As she stared into Carmella's brightly colored eyes, Ilia felt her chest begin to tighten. Suddenly her breathing started to pick up, it felt like her entire body was in a vice, while a burning feeling rose up behind her eyes. Blue started creeping up the chameleon faunus' arms and legs, climbing all the way to her face, her spots going a darker shade of the same hue.
The sudden surge of emotions was accompanied by a wave of panic, and mainly out of habit, Ilia quickly tried to repress the feelings, just as the blue reached the edges of her face. She closed her eyes, trying to will away the thoughts that'd brought about her change in color, until she felt a warm hand on her cheek.
Ilia's eyes shot open to see the owner of said hand; Carm, was looking straight into the panicked chameleon girls dilated pupils, her own eyes just as glossy and wet as Ilia presumed her own were.
"It's okay," Carmella said, her thumb gently caressing the now dark blue spots on Ilia's cheek, "you don't have to hide it, not now, not from me."
A few more harsh, labored breaths slipped out of Ilia's mouth before she finally broke down. The chameleon faunus' skin lost its battle against the blue overwhelming her, and she thrust herself forward, fully into the other girls embrace, and began to sob quietly.
In spite of her current state, a small part of Ilia had the presence of mind to ask; Where was all this was coming from? No more than a minute ago, the chameleon girl had been completely and perfectly... well, apparently "fine" had just been wishful thinking. It was like everything the young faunus had been keeping repressed in regards to her parents untimely death had rushed to the surface, bursting past every dam and barricade Ilia had painstakingly constructed in their path. Years and years of festering sadness and grief all came flowing out in rivers of tears.
Was it because of Carmella? Because of the bond Ilia shared with her as a result of the rabbit girls semblance? Had she coaxed these painful thoughts and feelings out of her? Maybe that had been a part of it, but as the spotted faunus felt Carm's soft hand rubbing in slow, gentle circles into her back, Ilia came to a different revelation.
She'd never had this before, this sort of... comfort, this new sensation of not having to hide herself or what she was feeling. Or rather, it was more like the chameleon girl had just never allowed herself to have it.
At first, Ilia's cynical mind had tried to write off Carmella's actions as mere pity. The chameleon girl had been pitied before, she knew the bitter taste of when it felt like someone was looking down on her all too well, this was different. Carmella wasn't trying to brush aside what Ilia had gone through with those same old and empty platitudes the spotted faunus had heard all her life. Instead, she was allowing Ilia to feel her feelings in regards to what happened, not forcing her, just offering her the safety and chance to release what had always been pent up inside.
Ilia had never really allowed herself the chance to face this grief she always felt felt, to stop hiding what lay beneath the surface of her skin, something she'd always fought to control.
After the tragedy that had befallen Ilia back in Mantle, she'd been given no time to process anything. She was passed around from place to place, from one uncaring, disillusioned adult to the next, without so much as a chance to breath. She was pulled from the school, to the police station, to a few different home's for "wayward" faunus, and then finally she was practically tossed on a ship to Menagerie, all in the span of less than a week.
She'd had the Belladonna's... eventually. She couldn't overstate the debt she still owed them for all they'd done, but it wasn't that simple. Back then, when Ilia had first arrived in the village of Kuo Kuana, when her pain had been the freshest, Kali, Ghira, and even Blake, they'd been... strangers to her, that made it a little hard to want to dump a mountain of trauma on them, especially after they'd just so graciously welcomed her into their home. Sure, eventually the trio of cat-like faunus would become family to her, but that didn't happen overnight. Honestly, during those first few months living there, the chameleon girl had felt like she was walking on eggshells, too concerned with behaving herself, petrified that she might get thrown out for misbehaving, or even just stepping a single foot out of line. Of course, she knew now that the Belladonna's would never have ever done such a thing, but how was a six year old whose world had only recently fallen apart supposed to know any better? And so, all that pain, sadness, and of course, anger, was internalized in the young chameleon girl. Even at the time, she knew it was unhealthy to keep it inside, but Ilia already had years of experience hiding her emotions, and didn't know what else to do. She had no outlet to express those feelings... until the White Fang.
The faunus civil rights group made good use of all that anger and hatred, first in its nonviolent protests, and then eventually for more... practical means. At the time, Ilia had misconstrued her actions during those days as her way of "dealing" with her trauma, but the violence and vengeance hadn't lessened her suffering, she'd just been piling more on, cramming it all away in her the back of her mind, behind a big wall of repression, one that had always held strong... until today, that is.
Until Carmella, and her kindness, which had been pounding at that wall from the moment the two had met, steadily increasing its rhythm, until now, when it had finally succeeded in punching a hole clean through it, one that had all of those agonizing feelings Ilia had been withholding ooze out.
It was cathartic... in a sense, but in a lot of other ways it was akin to reopening an old wound, and it left the chameleon girl feeling like a wounded animal, once the fight had left it. She'd resisted these feelings for so long, fought and scratched against them, and anyone who tried to help, but now the fighting was over, and all that was left to do was lay down and accept fate. To slowly wait to either heal or die.
She felt weak, exposed, vulnerable, a state Ilia Amitola had vehemently tried to avoid. The moments of her life that she'd felt this way were few and far between. That day at Laurel Preparatory school, Adam, her fight with Blake on Menagerie a month or so ago, were all moments Ilia had felt truly vulnerable. They were admittedly not the only ones, but by far the ones that stuck out prominently in her mind, and in almost every moment, that exposed weakness had resulted in pain for the spotted girl. Then, once it was over, Ilia would always promise herself that she would never let it happen again, and yet, much like every other time, she found herself here again.
However, as Carmella adjusted her grip, resting her head on the other faunus' shoulder as she held her tight, whispering soft, comforting words to the balling chameleon girl, Ilia realized in that moment that she felt no shame in her weakness, nothing holding her back, and allowed herself the freedom to succumb to it for the first time. Finally letting herself breathe.
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A/N- I warned you this next stopping point was an awkward one, but like I said, necessary.
Oh, also don't trivialize your mental health, kids.