The door flung open and Siara marched in, Cullen shooting to his feet and almost sending a stack of paperwork flying off his desk.

"Maker's breath, Siara! What are you - I mean - "

"Shut up and sit down."

Cullen blinked a few times and silently did as he was told, too stunned to disobey. Siara glanced around and pulled a chair next to the desk so it wasn't between them and plonked herself down on it. She sat there silently, just looking at him with the barest hint of a frown on her face. Cullen couldn't help but shift uncomfortably. He felt a bit like he was back in training as a Templar, and about to get a good scolding for something the other recruits had dragged him into. He half turned his chair so he could look directly at her.

"Siara - "

"If you're going to apologise yet again, don't. I'm not interested. One more attempt at apologising and I'm straight back to not tolerating you," Siara cut him off. "Why are you taking lyrium again?"

"What?"

"Why are you taking lyrium again?"

"I…" Cullen paused, frowning. "Because I owe it to the Inquisition."

"Wrong answer. Why are you taking it?"

"Excuse me? What makes you say it's the wrong answer?"

"I'm saying I don't buy it," Siara folded her arms. "Cassandra was extremely supportive of you coming off lyrium. She admitted to me that she was surprised you're back on it. So, why are you taking it again?"

Cullen half smiled, not entirely sure what was happening.

"What answer do you want?" he asked.

"The truth."

"Because of you."

"Excuse me?!" Siara almost exploded, barely managing to keep herself in her seat. Cullen could see every muscle in her body tense and quickly continued.

"The argument we had was… well, it was the last push I needed," he admitted. "I had been feeling tired, feverish, unable to focus ever since I stopped taking lyrium. I gave everything in me to the Chantry. And when I talked to the Inquisitor about it, she said that I shouldn't be risking it, that I was too important. I couldn't give any less to the Inquisition."

Siara paused for a moment and took a deep breath before she spoke again. Cullen could see her entire body almost shaking. It was obvious that she was struggling to keep herself calm as she spoke.

"You weren't," she told him. "If anything, you were giving more to the Inquisition because of everything you were going through. Despite everything you were feeling, you were still striving to be the best commander you could be. And you were holding on to your ideals," her eyes locked with his. "Why did you stop taking lyrium in the first place?"

Cullen paused for a moment, then sighed. He stood up and moved over to the window, looking out and leaning against the wall while he thought.

"You're already aware of what happened in Kirkwall."

"Of course."

"That wasn't my first… struggle while I was with the Chantry," Cullen admitted. "There was also an incident at Kinloch Hold. They - "

"I know, Cullen," he looked around at Siara in surprise. "You don't have to relive it. I know what happened, or enough anyway."

"How?"

She shrugged, leaning back slightly.

"Mara," she explained. "She wrote about it in her letters," she shrugged again. "You don't have to relive your trauma to explain things to me."

Cullen shook his head, surprised, then looked away again.

"After everything that happened at the Ferelden circle, then at Kirkwall, everything that Meredith said, it poisoned my mind. Afterwards, I wanted nothing to do with that life."

"And yet here you are, taking lyrium again."

"Why do you care so much?" Cullen asked. For a while he got no response, and he started to think that he wasn't going to get an answer. He looked at Siara, wondering if he should repeat his question. She looked like she was thinking about it, a small frown creasing her forehead.

"Siara?"

She looked up at him, then shrugged.

"Tell you what," she said, seeming to completely ignore his question, "you try to give up lyrium again, and I'll stop smoking and drinking."

"Why would you be willing to do something like that?"

"Call it killing two birds with one stone. I'm fairly certain that Varric wants me to give them up, anyway," Siara shrugged again, standing up from her seat and crossing over to Cullen, holding her hand out to him. "Do we have a deal?"

Cullen looked at the hand for a moment, then shook his head.

"I don't know," he admitted. "The Inquisitor has a point."

"Stop thinking about what she wants, Cullen," Siara's hand dropped back to her side, watching Cullen with something concerned determination. "Stop thinking about what anyone else wants. Do you want to be taking lyrium?"

Cullen shook his head, almost sadly.

"No," he admitted.

"Well, then," she extended her hand again, watching him expectantly. Cullen almost chuckled, shaking his head slightly as he smiled, reaching out and taking her hand in his.

"All right," he said. "Deal."

"Good. Now, if you'll excuse me," Siara stepped back, headed for the door, a mirthless smile on her lips, "I feel like hitting something."

It was simply a case of wrong time, wrong place when Siara stepped down the steps to Skyhold, Jacquelyn standing near the entrance to the Herald's Rest. She was talking to someone who appeared to be an Orlesian noble, though Siara didn't know or care who it was. She just saw Jacquelyn and the thought that the Inquisitor was a good part of the reason Cullen started taking lyrium again flooded her mind. All thoughts of training left her mind as she crossed over to Jacquelyn.

"Hey, I need to talk to you," she said, interrupting the conversation between Jacquelyn and the Orlesian.

"Can it not wait?" Jacquelyn asked, already sounding tired of any conversation with Siara.

"Not really, no," Siara glanced at the noble, then looked back at Jacquelyn. "You told Cullen to take lyrium again."

"Is that a question?"

"It's a statement, Jacquelyn. You told him to take it again, despite him hating the stuff."

"It is better that someone be doing something they do not want than for them to be dead. Not that any of this is your business," Jacquelyn's voice was even, but it held an edge to it.

"None of my business?" Siara scoffed. "Right. Sure. You telling the Inquisition's commander to go against one of his values is none of my business. My commanding officer's health, mental or physical, is none of my business."

"Having no commanding officer would be even more detrimental to your work, would it not? If you truly cared about him, then you would understand that what I asked of him was for his own good. Now, if you will excuse me, I have more important matters to attend to than explaining myself to you," Jacquelyn turned back to her previous conversation partner. "Now, where were we before we were interrupted?"

"If I cared for him?" Siara scoffed, cutting in before the noble could speak. "Do you even know what it's really like to care for someone other than yourself? Caring for someone isn't about telling them to go against everything they stand for, it's supporting them even if it isn't the easiest thing in the world. It's about being there when they need you to be, giving them comfort, standing beside them no matter what," she shook her head and started to walk away. "Somehow I'm not surprised that you don't see that."

For a moment Jacquelyn didn't say anything, silence falling on the crowd that had started forming.

"I do not think that you are the one to be giving advice about affairs of the heart, Blade," she called out after a moment. "After all, where are your sister and brother? What happened to them?" Siara's footsteps faltered, but Jacquelyn kept going. "Your sister never even told you that she was a Grey Warden before she sacrificed herself, and remind me about your brother? Oh yes, he came back as a spirit, not to protect you, but to protect me. And we should not even mention Anders, should we?" Siara could hear the smirk on Jacquelyn's face as she spoke. "Everyone you have ever cared for has died, Siara. I do not think that I should be listening to your advice."

Siara looked up at the steps of Skyhold, noticing Varric making his way down them. Apparently he had heard the commotion. She locked eyes with him for a moment and a harsh smile formed on her lips. She saw the look of panic on Varric's face.

"Oh, shit."

Siara heard his footsteps quicken, but she didn't pay it any attention. She turned, striding back to Jacquelyn, taking in the smug smirk on the Inquisitor's mouth.

Everything else faded from view, her eyes trained on Jacquelyn, her mind clear of any thought, fist clenched by her side.

"What do you -"

Jacquelyn never got to finish her sentence. Siara's fist connected squarely with Jacquelyn's nose.