A/N I think something glitchy has been going on with the site this week - I could see that reviews had been left but couldn't read them and then they all seemed to appear at once! Thank you so much for your comments, it was lovely to read them when they finally appeared!
I hope everything is updating OK now.
Anyway, this is a bit of a long and angsty one I'm afraid! Thank you for reading!
Rachel was standing on tiptoes in the kitchen, rooting around the shelves searching for olive oil, when Monica breezed into the apartment, a small bundle of her laundry that had been collecting across the hall in Chandler's bedroom gathered in her arms.
Other than one brief conversation, in which Monica had managed to convince Rachel to keep her knowledge of her relationship with Chandler to herself until was able to speak to her lawyer about it, the two women had exchanged barely a word in over a week, which was completely unheard of for the usually inseparable pair.
The fact that Rachel knew about the two of them should have made life easier for Monica and Chandler from a logistical point of view, and it was somewhat frustrating that instead, her discovery had only served to make matters even more complicated for them. The pair were actively avoiding Rachel following her robust confrontation of Chandler and her subsequent refusal to accept Monica's impassioned assertion that she was completely confident and secure in her feelings for him. As well as being keen to avoid Rachel's glances of disapproval, both Monica and Chandler harbored concerns that forcing her to bear first hand witness to their relationship at a time when she clearly still found it problematic might encourage Rachel to divulge their secret to Ross and the others.
Monica's worst fear was that any further reprimand from Rachel might eventually convince Chandler that he had acted as inappropriately and reprehensibly towards her as had been suggested, and as such she was particularly keen to keep the two of them apart.
Consequently, Monica had virtually moved into Apartment 19, popping home only to refresh her stack of clothes, take showers, and generally to keep up appearances in front of Phoebe, Ross and Joey. Despite feeling uneasy and a little melancholy with regards to the friction with Rachel, this current living arrangement was actually serving Monica rather well, keen as she was to spend and treasure every possible moment with her new lover.
"I'm making pasta, do you want some?" Rachel offered apprehensively as she acknowledged her friend's arrival.
"No thanks, the boys are ordering pizza" Monica replied stiffly, averting her eyes.
Rachel gave a sad sigh, "Monica, you don't have to avoid me like this you know. I might have my reservations about what's going on with Chandler, but I don't want you to feel forced out of your own home. I hate the idea of you having to spend all of your time in that apartment. It can't be easy for you being over there all the time... after what happened..." she winced slightly as she spoke, still unable to get her head around Pete's unspeakable actions.
Monica spun around and regarded her seriously, her eyes sincere, "I don't even think about that. Not when I'm with Chandler."
Rachel gave a contemplative nod.
"I'm sorry Rach, but despite everything that's going on, I'm the happiest I've been in so long, and I don't want to made to feel guilty about it. And more importantly I don't want Chandler to feel guilty about it. I just can't have you freaking him out by making him feel like he's done something wrong. So until you can accept that, I just can't be around you." Monica explained with a shrug.
"If you're so sure this is the real deal and if he's as committed as you say he is Mon, why would you have to worry that anything I could say would be able to freak him out?" Rachel reasoned.
Monica raised her eyebrows and asked incredulously, "You have met Chandler, right?"
Rachel let out a small chuckle despite herself, and Monica returned a conspiratorial smirk, relieved to see her friend laugh.
Before Kathy, Chandler had gained a reputation within their friendship group as being something of a commitment-phobe and both Monica and Rachel had observed and supported him through many a ridiculous relationship freak out, over the years.
It came as quite a relief to Rachel that Monica would readily acknowledge a single flaw in her new love interest. The way she had waxed lyrical about Chandler last week had only served to further convince Rachel that Monica's traumatized mind had misconstrued her feelings of closeness and friendship with him, and twisted them into something she mistakenly believed to be romantic: To Rachel, it seemed that Monica had created an heroic and gallant, idealized version of their friend in her head, someone completely unrecognizable from the man Rachel knew.
"It's going to get harder to keep this thing secret if you keep avoiding me." Rachel pointed out "Everyone else is going to start noticing that you're never here soon enough, Mon. Ross and Phoebe have both noticed things are tense between us and they've already started asking questions. And surely Joey has noticed that you've practically moved in to their place?"
Monica raised her eyebrows and gave another small smirk, "You have met Joey, right? "
Rachel smothered a second laugh.
Fortunately for Monica and Chandler, Joey was not the most perceptive of humans; he enjoyed a busy social life so was out a lot, added to which, he was a heavy sleeper and a late riser; and as such he seemed largely oblivious to, or at least unconcerned about, Monica's presence in the apartment at inappropriate times of the day and night.
"Look, if you haven't started making your pasta yet, why don't you come over and eat with us? I'm sure there will be enough pizza." Monica spontaneously extended a tentative olive branch, encouraged by the hint of lightheartedness within their exchange.
"But if you could try not to terrify Chandler again that would be great... " she added. Her tone was wry but Rachel knew she meant every word.
Rachel's opinion of Chandler's behavior towards her roommate may not have changed drastically, but she had come to realize that her vociferous objection to their relationship had only served to alienate her from Monica, which was the last thing she wanted.
"I can try." Rachel smiled back at her friend appreciatively.
Monica smiled softly at Chandler as she slipped into his bedroom for their long-awaited late night private reunion, closing the door quietly behind her before flinging herself enthusiastically into his waiting arms. She gave a moan of satisfaction, her flesh tingling pleasurably as her lips finally melted into the kiss they had both been yearning for all evening.
"I hope you don't mind that I asked Rachel over for pizza? It didn't go too badly did it?" she asked worriedly, biting her lip as she settled her head against his chest and squeezed him tight, "I just thought it might be good to try to build a few bridges with her."
Chandler gave a satiric shrug, "Well, I don't think she spoke more than two words to me all evening, but at least she didn't shout at me and accuse me of being some kind of predator this time. So I guess it was a step in the right direction..."
"That is the last thing you are. " Monica reassured him gently, straddling his lap, running her fingers tenderly through his hair and planting another loving kiss on his lips. "And I swear, Rachel is definitely getting used to the idea of us, I can feel it. She really seemed like she wanted to make amends earlier. I even made her laugh a couple of times." she told him, a little proudly.
"Well, you are one funny gal, Monica" he replied teasingly, "In fact, I'd go as far as to say you're the second wittiest person in this room."
Monica's eyes narrowed and she leaned forward, pinning his hands at his sides and nipping on his earlobe by way of reprimand, "Oh, you really are so full of yourself, aren't you Bing!"
Chandler let out a loud guffaw of shock as she released his hands and began to tickle his armpits mercilessly. He attempted to halt the onslaught by chastising, "Shhhh! You're gonna wake Joey!"
But Monica grinned wickedly and carried on regardless, very much enjoying the sense of power his helpless laughter was instilling in her, "No you're going to wake Joey." she corrected him laconically, "But don't worry, you can just tell him you were making yourself laugh with your own razor sharp wit!"
Chandler eventually managed to tussle with her arms and bring them under control, before rolling her off his lap and pulling her into a kiss, which was thankfully sufficient to distract her from her hi-jinks.
"You know, it's a shame we've got to be quiet" she murmured into his ear, her voice sultry and her lips curled in a teasing smile. "What I had planned for us this evening may have been a little noisy. But we don't want to wake Joey... "
Chandler's eyes darkened with desire as he threw a wolfish smile back at her and he whispered "I lied. Joey's not even back from his date yet... "
Monica raised her eyebrows suggestively, a wide grin spreading across her face.
"Wait... You weren't planning on vacuuming the living room were you?" he checked with a smirk.
She rolled her eyes and gave him one final, playful jab in the ribs, before dragging him by the collar of his t-shirt into a passionate kiss.
The following morning was cool and blustery, and as Joey emerged onto the street ready for a day of auditions he zipped up his jacket to ward off the elements. He heard a breathless voice call his name from down the street, and turned to see Kathy jogging towards him.
"Oh hey!" he greeted her with an awkward smile.
"Is Chandler in?" she asked, "He left a message last week to say he had a box of my stuff to drop off. But I was passing by so thought I might as well collect it..."
Her deep brown eyes looked pained and anxious, and Joey felt immediately sorry for her.
"He was in the shower when I left, so he might not hear you knock." he told her, "I'll come up with you and let you in."
"Are you sure? I don't want to hold you up" she checked.
"No it's fine." Joey assuaged with a bright smile.
"So..uh..how are things?" he ventured as they began to climb the stairs.
"Well, I've been better," she admitted "But things are starting to look up. I actually have a callback for a recurring character on a sitcom, which I'm pretty excited about."
"That sounds great!" he told her warmly as he pushed open the apartment door.
"If I get it, I'll have to relocate to LA for a while" she continued, "But to be honest, I'm pretty ready for a change of scene."
Joey gave an empathetic nod.
As the two entered the apartment they could see steam-softened light leaking from the cracks around the still closed bathroom door, but there was no sound of running water, indicating that Chandler was close to finishing his ablutions.
"I'll just let him know you're here" Joey said quietly as Kathy walked towards the living room, turning her body to face away from the bathroom: The last thing she wanted to do was come face to face with a towel clad Chandler, and she hoped that he might be able to direct Joey towards her box of belongings so she could take it and leave, without the indignity of an inevitably awkward encounter.
But before Joey was able to get anywhere near the bathroom to alert Chandler to their presence, a shriek of raucous laughter emanated from within and Kathy spun around, her wide inquiring eyes meeting Joey's. Joey stared back at her, equally confounded; he had no clue that Chandler had company, and realizing how painfully embarrassing this situation could turn out to be for all concerned, he hurriedly began to call his roommate's name in order to warn that he and his mystery shower companion were no longer alone in the apartment. But before he could do so, Kathy's mouth dropped open in dismay, as a giggling Monica spilled from the bathroom, wearing only a fluffy white towel, with an equally animated, semi-naked Chandler close behind, his hands resting jovially on her bare shoulders.
Monica gasped in horror and took an automatic step backwards to steady herself against Chandler, who froze, rooted to the spot, his disbelieving eyes locked with Kathy's. He had stuck his head out of the door to and called Joey's name repeatedly not five minutes previously to check that his roommate had left the apartment, and his brain was struggling to compute how on Earth this humiliating situation had been able to unfold.
"You lying bastard!" Kathy cried tearfully, finally breaking the stunned silence.
"Kathy.." Chandler started to stammer, desperately attempting to form an explanation in his mind.
"All those times you made me feel like I was being unreasonable and paranoid and you were in bed with her the whole time!"
"No!" Monica and Chandler protested in unison, shaking their heads frantically.
Kathy's livid eyes moved to Monica "Don't you dare even look at me you little whore! Playing the victim like that to seduce somebody else's fiance? You disgust me!"
"Kathy, that's enough!" Chandler demanded as Monica's mortified gaze fell shamefully to the floor.
Joey, who had been paralyzed by shock up to this point, now also felt compelled to intervene, and he placed a gentle hand on Monica's shoulder and murmured "Come on Mon," ushering her towards the relative safety of Chandler's bedroom.
"I'll decide when it's enough Chandler!" Kathy screamed back at her ex.
Chandler fumbled behind the bathroom door for his robe as he spoke, keen to shield his modesty. "Look! This is new, OK? Monica and I weren't seeing each other before. I didn't cheat on you! I promise. And Monica, she wasn't lying, everything she said about Pete is true -"
"I couldn't care less!" Kathy yelled back at him, angry tears spilling from her eyes, "I could not care less about her, or her sob story!"
She seemed to take pause for a minute and brought her voice under control, her eyes narrowing as she told him spitefully, " You know, I actually had a message on my machine from Pete's lawyer a week or so ago. He wanted to see if I would answer some questions about the circumstances surrounding my break up with you. I wasn't going to call him back, but now I think it would be remiss of me not to."
Monica had appeared in the bedroom doorway again, feeling a little less exposed since hastily throwing on one of Chandler's t-shirts, " No Kathy, please" she begged, "Pete is a really dangerous man - "
"Or maybe Pete was telling the truth, and you're the dangerous liar." Kathy interrupted her scathingly, " That's certainly how it's starting to look to me!"
Chandler shot Monica a look of desperation, hoping she knew just how much he wanted to rush to her side, but also that she understood why he could not.
"Kathy!" Chandler warned, "Please think about this. I can understand that you're shocked and hurt -"
"Hurt doesn't begin to cover it!" her voice became shrill once more, "I feel completely humiliated Chandler! I cannot believe I let you string me along like this! And I'm going to enjoy exposing the two of you for the liars you really are".
Monica fell back onto the Barcalounger, her breath leaving her body as if somebody had punched her in the gut. Her jaw hung open slightly, her eyes so pained and demoralized, it hurt Chandler's heart to even look at her.
Kathy stormed towards the door to leave, flinging it open to reveal Ross and Rachel standing together in the hallway. The pair were peering inquisitively into the apartment obviously keen to investigate the fracas within.
Ross's baffled eyes fell on his sister straight away and took a step into the apartment, completely unable to fathom why she would be sitting, partially-clad, watching Chandler and Kathy's heated argument.
Monica whimpered in distress and covered her face with her hands as she saw him approach, quite unable to believe that this already horrendous set of circumstances had just become even worse.
"What's going on?" Ross asked, his eyes shifting confusedly between the occupants of the room.
Rachel, having quickly made sense of the scene, hurriedly attempted to extract him, knowing that his inevitably explosive reaction was the last ingredient this already volatile situation required. She grabbed his arm and suggested "Why don't we wait at my place for a minute -"
But Kathy was delighted to be able to ignite Ross's fuse with her parting shot: "Ask your lying friend and your slut of a sister..." she told him as she stormed from the apartment and made her way for the stairwell, "I'll see you guys in court".
Monica hadn't moved, her head still cossetted in her hands, and Ross watched blankly as both Chandler and Rachel made their way towards her to offer comfort.
"What's she talking about Chandler?" he demanded darkly.
Chandler swallowed hard, glancing towards Monica for guidance, but finding her face still hidden, completely uncommunicative. "Uh.. Kathy just found out that... Monica and I... We uh... Well, we're together, Ross. We obviously didn't want you to find out this way..."
Monica let out an audible sob.
Ross began to shake his head slowly, his jaw twitching furiously. "How could you do this Chandler? I thought you were my friend. I thought you were her friend!"
"I am!" Chandler objected desperately, "We're not just messing around Ross, I love her!"
"After everything she's been through, Chandler!" Ross ignored his protestation "I should fucking kill you!"
"Ross, it's not what you think!" Monica implored, spurred into action by her brother's mounting anger ."This is serious. We're in love!"
"Do you know how ridiculous that sounds?" Ross scoffed before yelling, "You don't fall in love when you're going through something like this, Monica. You just seek comfort! He knows that, and he's taking advantage!"
"I'm ridiculous?" Monica demanded incredulously, leaping to her feet, "Don't speak to me like I'm a child Ross! I know my own mind!"
"No you don't!" Ross roared back, "You might think you do, but you don't! You can't, Monica! Not right now!"
He launched himself towards Chandler now, his eyes incandescent "You're as bad as Becker!"
"No, Ross, please!" Monica cried as both she and Joey threw themselves in his path.
"Ross! You need to go and cool off man. This isn't gonna help anything!" Joey struggled to keep Ross's flailing arms under control, and he and Rachel desperately tried to steer him towards the door.
"Monica, please, come across the hall. We need to talk about this!" Ross beseeched his sister, not wanting to leave her unaccompanied in Chandler's presence for another minute.
"After what you just said, you'll be lucky if I ever talk to you again" she retorted angrily.
"Give her some space, Ross" Rachel advised in a whisper as she guided him out of the door.
As the apartment descended into stunned silence Monica collapsed back onto one lounger and Chandler onto the other, unable to form a single word between them. Joey stood in the kitchen, staring awkwardly at his feet.
"I can't believe he thinks I'm as bad as Becker" Chandler eventually breathed, shaken and nauseated by Ross's harsh words.
"Oh, who cares what he thinks, Chandler!" Monica snapped angrily.
"I care!" he told her indignantly, "I care a whole lot that both your brother and your best friend think I've coerced you and taken advantage of you Monica!"
Monica shook her head bitterly, gritting her teeth. "Do you know what I care about? I care that the trial I have been preparing for and worrying about for months has just completely collapsed around me! I care that I put myself through humiliating police interviews, and horrendous medical examinations for nothing!" Her face crumpled in anguish as she spoke, and tears began to flood from her eyes, "I care that Pete is going to get away with what he did to me, and I am going to spend the rest of my life looking over my shoulder wondering if I'm going to see his face! That's what I care about Chandler! Ross and Rachel and their stupid opinions can go to hell! "
" Mon - " Chandler choked back tears of his own, desperate to offer consolation.
"Don't!" she shouted, "Please, just leave me alone, OK? " she stormed towards his room, a loud sob escaping from her throat.
Chandler ran a devastated hand over his face before eventually glancing towards Joey.
"You're very quiet" he observed, unable to meet his friend's eyes "I suppose you think I'm as bad as Becker too?"
Joey continued to stare resolutely at the ground. "Doesn't matter what I think" he mumbled.
Chandler looked slowly up at him in complete disbelief. "Oh my God", he half whispered, a wave of nausea coursing through his stomach "You do! You think I've taken advantage of her!"
"I didn't say that, Man. I can just see where Ross is coming from, that's all." Joey corrected him diplomatically.
"Joey! I love her!" Chandler insisted, unable to believe that his best friend could possibly believe otherwise ,"I would never do anything to hurt Monica, surely you know me better than that!"
"I know you care about her, and I know you've always had a bit of a thing for her, and if you say you love her I believe you... " Joey assured him, frowning before continuing, "How you feel about Monica?... That's not the problem Chandler. The problem is.. do you really believe she is in a place where she can be sure of how she feels about you right now? She's been through so much ..."
Chandler felt like somebody had thrown a bucket of iced water over him. He had expected a violent response from Ross when he discovered that he had become involved with his little sister, especially at such an emotionally charged time, and whilst he had been shocked by the ferocity of Rachel's disapproval, he was not overly surprised that she had taken a similarly protective stance. But this was Joey. Non-judgmental and easy-going Joey: Chandler's fiercest supporter and staunchest ally. If even he was left questioning the acceptability of Chandler's behavior towards Monica, how could he not begin to doubt it himself?
"You're right" he muttered hoarsely, dropping back to his seat, his whole body suddenly feeling numb and heavy as he began to consider his actions from his friends' point of view.
"I knew she needed somebody and I made damn sure it was me. She needed me to be her friend, but I let my feelings for her get in the way... I let her down.. " his voice cracked and he held his head in his hands momentarily before looking back at his friend despairingly "I swear, I never meant to..."
Joey shook his head uncomfortably, "I'm not saying that man. Monica's a grown woman, and she certainly seems pretty sure that she knows what she wants. I'm just saying, I can see why Ross might be worried. And I don't want to see either you or Monica getting hurt by rushing into anything when emotions are running so wild."
"No," Chandler shook his head slowly, his voice rising in panic, "I've let her down. I should have kept my distance. I've confused everything for her, I've ruined the trial, and that piece of shit is going to get away with what he did to her, because of me!"
"Chandler - " Joey began to protest.
"No! I have! This mess, it's all on me!" Chandler declared with certainty, his distress continuing to build. "Well he's not going to get away with it. I can't let that happen!"
He leapt to his feet and made for his bedroom, leaving a worried Joey in his wake. He exhaled and bowed his head sadly, his heart close to breaking, as he observed Monica curled in a protective ball on his bed. Her shoulders trembled a little as she silently wept. Chandler could feel his own eyes welling up with tears, and he climbed onto the bed behind her, hugging her body to his and marveling, not for the first time, how perfectly her form fit his, like they were pieces of the same jigsaw puzzle.
"I'm so sorry Mon" he whispered into her hair, as he buried his face into the warmth of her neck "I am so, so sorry. I told you I was going to support you and help you get through this and I've done the complete opposite."
He inhaled her deeply and squeezed her a little tighter, "But he's not going to get away with what he did, Monica. I promise. Please don't worry about that. I'm going to sort it out."
"Chandler. The trial...its over... There's no coming back from this... " She began to protest weakly.
"Please don't give up Mon! I love you more than anything in the world. And I am going to make this right. " he told her, squeezing his eyes shut and feeling her hair become damp with his tears.
He pulled away from her reluctantly and made for the door.
Monica turned around, her eyes red and swollen, and her cheeks stained with tears, "Chandler, where are you going?" she called after him, perturbed by his words.
But Chandler strode swiftly and silently past Joey, and he was gone.