The next file has a drawing of a carrot and is labelled "INCIDENT 0101312007".

Ruby: "Next on the list we have incident 0101312007. I'm pretty sure that's a sex-related death."

The image on the file shows a woman with dark hair lying down on a sofa inside what is seemingly her house, with candles surrounding her.

Shannon: "I'm actually quite surprised it took this long for a death relating to sex to show up. Let's start this new genre of deaths off with a bang! Hehe… geddit?"

Zoom in.

We open to the same woman from the file, in a shopping mall. Clad in a red dress, she pushes her cart down an aisle stocked with biscuits and long-term canned foods.

Date of Incident: 31 January, 2007

Location of Incident: Jennifer's Pad, Roanoke, Virginia

Shannon: (Narrating) "There are some people out there who just seem to ooze sexuality. Jennifer here is a good example. She could take your ordinary trip to the supermarket and turn it into a lap dance of longing and lust."

As Jennifer reaches the pasta section she takes a packet of fettuccine and places it in her cart.

Shannon: (Narrating) "She's pretty sexy… and she loves sex. Engaging in it, thinking about it, watching it, reading about it, anything to do with it."

Eventually, as Jennifer proceeds down the vegetable aisle she sees one of the store's male employees spraying down produce. She stops in her tracks, clearly wowed by him.

Shannon: (Narrating) "Right now she's thinking about that hunk who's spraying produce. But she's got a date with some girl friends from out of town."

The two make eye contact as Jennifer slips a carrot into a bag.

Shannon: (Narrating) "He doesn't know what he's missing out on."

Jennifer then puts the bag in her cart and walks towards the checkout. A quick fade transition takes us to Jennifer's home, where she lays out everything she has purchased on her countertop.

Shannon: (Narrating) "Back home, Jennifer unpacks her day's catch."

Jennifer picks up one of the carrots.

Shannon: (Narrating) "But the only thing she can think about it is release. She just can't shake that vision of stud boy hosing down the produce."

We see a shot of Jennifer peeling the carrot, and then another of her lying on her couch naked, candles on a nearby table.

Shannon: (Narrating) "For her, it was time to go organic."

We see Jennifer reach out and grab the carrot, before lining it up with her vaginal opening and pushing it in, a groan of pleasure escaping her. She then begins pistoning it in and out, her breathing heavy.

Shannon: (Narrating) "Ruby, thoughts?"

Cut to Ruby in the office.

Ruby: "Masturbation is, like, amazing. I know that from experience. It's a great reliever of both stress and the tension throughout your body…"

Ruby takes out a banana and a zucchini.

Ruby: "...and I mean, if you can't make yourself orgasm all alone, then sex just isn't the same."

We cut back to Jennifer pleasuring herself with the carrot.

Shannon: (Narrating) "However, Jennifer here… could have done a better job shaving. The carrot, that is. Unbeknownst to her, she was so caught up in the pleasure she didn;t notice that a rough cut had sliced the wall of her vagina and allowed an air embolism - that's an air bubble - to travel along her bloodstream to her heart."

Jennifer suddenly seizes up as if she is suffocating. This lasts a few seconds before the carrot slips out of her hands and she sumps onto her couch lifeless.

Shannon: (Narrating) "There would be no happy ending to this veggie tale. Ruby, analysis please."

A CGI shot shows the carrot moving in and out of Jennifer's vagina.

Ruby: "Like, stranger things have happened. The carrot's rough edge nicked her vaginal wall or at least, like, something in her pelvic area."

One of the carrot's rough edges catches on the wall of Jennifer's vagina and slices open a nick. Through this nick a small bubble of air slips into one of her uterine veins. The bubble travels through the vaginal vein and up her inferior vena cava to her heart, getting wedged in the opening to her right atrium. Eventually, this causes her heart to stop.

Ruby: "Some air got in and travelled up to her heart, where it got stuck and disrupted her blood flow to the point her heart, like, shut down."

We see a replay of Jennifer dropping the carrot before a final shot of her lifeless face is shown.

WAY TO DIE #674

KILLDO

Return to the Sharuby couple in their office.

Ruby: "You know, they say everything's a dildo if you're, like, brave enough, but that doesn't mean you should stick random stuff up your vagina."

Shannon: "Agreed. Next file please - my turn to narrate."

Ruby nods, closing the file and marking it before wheeling over to get the next one.