AUTHOR'S NOTE: The original death took place at Ball State College in Kenosha, Wisconsin. There is no institution of that name in Kenosha, so I have moved it to the university of the same name in Indiana.

The file marked "INCIDENT 0111211993" features a drawing of a basketball.

Ruby: "Incident 0111211993 is up next. This one involves a basketball, right?."

Shannon: "Yes, but not the basketball you're thinking of."

The image on the file shows a large rubber basketball, easily five and a half yards (five metres) tall.

Ruby: "That thing certainly looks like it could fit, like, a person or two inside. And it can, as we shall see…"

Zoom in.

We open to see what appears to be a teenage couple making out next to a tree. The boy is wearing a teal shirt, black pants and black sneakers. The girl has a pink-and-white striped shirt, black pants and brown boots.

Date of Incident: 21 November, 1993

Location of Incident: Ball State University, Muncie, Indiana

Ruby: (Narrating) "Our protagonists are Jack and Sally. They're just like any other college sophomores. That is to say, super horny."

As the couple continue making out Jack begins fondling Sally's breast whilst Sally gropes Jack's crotch.

Ruby: (Narrating) "By the looks of it, it looks like Jack is, like, barking up the right tree."

Jack then gestures for Sally to take a look at something. Then the two of them peer past the tree.

Ruby: (Narrating) "But then, a vision appears."

The couple's eyes widen in amazement.

Jack: "Check this out."

Sally gasps in amazement. It is revealed the object that has caught their attention is the same massive inflatable basketball shown on the file, lying past several trees and a path.

Ruby: (Narrating) "Across the campus green something draws them like moths to a flame."

The two of them begin running across the campus towards the ball and stop just in front of it. The basketball, and several ropes tethering it to the ground, are shown up close.

Ruby: (Narrating) "It's a giant basketball. A leftover from yesterday's pep rally."

The couple run to either side of it - Jack to the left, Sally to the right. They meet up again on the other side of it, and Sally prods the surface.

Ruby: (Narrating) "It's like, the perfect place for a once-in-a-lifetime quickie."

Sally: "You have to get inside of it."

Sally feels around for the zipper on the side of the ball.

Sally: "Finding a hole, finding a hole…"

Eventually, Sally finds the zipper and grabs it.

Ruby: (Narrating) "Sally finds the way in and pulls the zipper down faster than, like, Jack's fly."

A view inside the ball shows the zipper being pulled down before the green of the trees is suddenly visible as Sally pokes her head inside. Sally gasps in surprise before laughing, her voice much higher-pitched than it originally was.

Ruby: (Narrating) "A peek inside leads to a surprising discovery."

Sally takes her head out for a bit.

Sally: (Helium-enhanced) "This is so cool!"

Ruby: (Narrating) "This party balloon was filled with, like, helium.

The couple laugh.

Jack: "Go in!"

Sally: (Helium-enhanced) "Oh yeah."

Sally climbs into the ball through the hole, followed by Jack. Sally then turns around and zips the zipper back up, all whilst they laugh.

Ruby: (Narrating) "Once they were inside their laughing gas chamber, Jack and Sally were feeling no pain."

The couple's high-pitched laughing reverberates inside the basketball.

Sally: (Helium-enhanced) "This is so cool!"

Jack: (Helium-enhanced) "We're in a giant basketball."

Ruby: (Narrating) "Shanny, analysis?"

Cut to Shannon in the office. She is holding the string of a party balloon floating in the air.

Shannon: "Helium is often used as an anaesthetic gas during surgeries. So when your doctors use gases to put you under for surgery, that's basically what's happening to the couple, but much more slowly. They're also asphyxiating due to the lack of oxygen in the ball, and the helium will begin interfering with electric signals in their brain, shutting high-order centres off."

Back inside the ball Jack and Sally are still laughing. Now they are play wrestling. Jack forces Sally to the ground and they continue laughing.

Ruby: (Narrating) "At first it was all fun and games, but after a while…"

The laughter is suddenly interrupted when Sally coughs. And coughs again. Soon enough Jack is coughing too.

Sally: (Helium-enhanced) "Woo…"

The laughing gradually dies down as coughing fits take hold.

Ruby: (Narrating) "...their lightheaded helium buzz became something else. Something… a lot worse."

Sally is now sprawled against the side of the ball.

Sally: (Helium-enhanced) "I feel so weird…"

Jack: (Helium-enhanced) "Yeah… I think, uh, maybe (cough) we should probably get some air (cough) real quick."

Soon enough the two teens are searching for the zipper they used to enter the ball.

Ruby: (Narrating) "These two college kids should have hit the books a little harder."

Sally staggers to her feet and begins looking around.

Ruby: (Narrating) "A helium-only environment might be fun to play in, but humans breathe oxygen, not helium."

Sally: (Helium-enhanced) "Where is it?!"

Jack: (Helium-enhanced) "I don't know!"

The two teens break out in unrestrained coughing fits.

Ruby: (Narrating) "Jack and Sally spent their final moments disoriented, unable to find the magic zipper."

Jack: (Helium-enhanced) "(cough) (cough) Keep looking! (cough)"

Ruby: (Narrating) "But finally after several minutes the lack of oxygen caught up with them."

Sally and Jack collapse.

Ruby: (Narrating) "Once they locked themselves inside their funhouse it was only a matter of minutes before their fun turned to, like, none."

Shortly after Ruby says that line, the couple's coughing stops and they go limp.

We then cut to a shot outside the basketball.

WAY TO DIE #226

GASKETBALLED

Back to the Sharuby couple in their office.

Shannon: "I once wanted to try enhancing my voice with helium, but I'm not sure if I want to now."

Ruby: "Well I say we go for it later. We should make sure there's plenty of oxygen around and we should be good."

Shannon: "Okay then. Next file please - my turn to narrate."

Ruby nods, closing the file and marking it before wheeling over to get the next one.