Hi everyone! With the new chapter "Came Back Wrong," I am also returning to my writing and my February challenge, just in time before June starts. To everyone who has waited this long for new chapters - I'm sorry. I have no excuse other than having had an intense semester at university, which left me with no time to write. I'm about to start my exam session, so I'm not sure I'll be able to post daily. However, I fully intend to write something every day (just to keep my soul sane), and I hope you'll like the results! For a while, I wondered whether or not to return to this fic (which I hoped to finish by March), but then I remembered that the reason I write is to have fun, create content, and share a few more stories with Rose and Dimitri with you. So I hope you'll forgive me for this four-month break and enjoy the future chapters. Welcome back to the Febu-June-Whump Challenge!

Rose POV

I started noticing the first changes a few days after waking up from Tasha's shooting. I thought the constant coldness, the vague, throbbing headaches, and the auras in the corners of my vision were simply part of my recovery from the severe heart surgery. The doctors weren't overly concerned about these symptoms, assuring me they would most likely disappear with time.

I realized they had one very dark common origin when I first tried to cross the magic barrier protecting the Court. I had learned to deal with the ghosts that existed in the world, but after rising from the dead for the second time, it seemed the spirits could attack me with double force. They took on even more tangible forms, so I could feel their touch when they clamped their hands around my neck and hear their moans when they howled in my ear. The worst part was the throbbing pain in my head as if someone was trying to break it with an ax.

I fell to my knees, clutching my head and screaming shrilly. I didn't hear the panicked questions about what was happening to me, but I felt Dimitri take me in his arms and carry me back to the Court. As soon as I was within safe boundaries, I breathed a sigh of relief and lost consciousness.

During the night I woke up covered in cold sweat. The freezing sensation never left me. I seemed to hear whispers in my sleep, only to wake up in Dimitri's caring arms, desperately trying to catch my breath. He would wake up too, stroking and cuddling me until I fell asleep, but sometimes the ghastly cold wouldn't let me relax even for a moment. Whenever I managed to force myself to rest, on the border between sleep and waking, the souls of the dead would haunt me. I would see their faces before my eyes and hear their whispers in my ears.

I also saw dark flashes in the corners of my vision, in the reflections of mirrors and glass surfaces. I never saw a ghost's face inside the Court, but fast-moving shadows accompanied me at every turn.

Dimitri was the first to notice something wasn't right and tried to ask me gently what was happening to me. However, I couldn't put into words the sense of bottomless abyss that I sometimes felt close to my heart. I couldn't describe the constant chill that enveloped my skin, sometimes freezing my heart and paralyzing my thoughts. I knew he was worried about me, but I couldn't offer any explanation.

It seemed as if the world was too intense, the colors too strong for my eyes, and people's laughter unnaturally loud. I knew this connection to death was beginning to reverberate in me again when I lost my appetite, couldn't sleep, and felt I was slowly losing myself, piece by piece.

I snapped one day while walking home after my shift, bumping into the overhanging leaves of a beautiful willow tree near the sidewalk in one of the Court's open spaces. Annoyed, I moved the green branches to disentangle myself and froze as the leaves turned brown and fell to the ground after my touch.

I couldn't breathe as I stared at the withered plant I had just brought to death. With a trembling hand, I touched another healthy green branch and watched in horror as it wilted, collapsed into itself, and fell dead from the tree.

I covered my mouth to stifle my scream and started running. I didn't realize where I was going until I found myself in front of the great cathedral on the Court grounds. I entered through the open door and sat in one of the last pews. Ignoring decorum, I pulled my knees to my chest and hugged myself tightly, feeling my whole body tremble.

I had feared that my connection to death would increase even more. Victor Dashkov warned me about the negative effects of being Shadow Kissed, but even he didn't foresee that one could touch death twice and come back to life.

What if I came back incomplete, broken? What if the soul could not remain the same after returning? What if I could never again lead a normal, happy life? What if I always felt as if I belonged to the world of death?

"Rose?" I heard a woman's soft voice and raised my eyes. Sonia Karp was standing at the entrance to my pew and looking at me with concern. I hadn't realized tears were streaming down my cheeks until I felt them dripping onto my hands.

"I think something is wrong," I whispered before I could stop myself. Sonia sat close and brushed my hair away from my face in a caring gesture. Her perceptive eyes watched me intently, and I had no doubt that she had just studied my aura.

"What is wrong?" she asked softly. I don't know if it was the natural charisma of the spirit users or her caring gaze that prompted me to open up to her. Perhaps it was the fact that she was also dealing with regaining her soul and I thought she wouldn't judge me. In any case, I spilled all my fears and my symptoms, ending my story with my eyes closed, admitting what I had done to the poor willow. Sonia kept her hands on my shoulders the whole time and listened intently, even though I didn't dare look at her.

"I'm afraid... that it will be like this forever. That I won't be able to enjoy the life I so desperately wanted to steal from death," I mouthed, and her hand tightened on my shoulder.

"Rose, I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how stressful this must be," she said, taking a deep breath and continuing to massage my arm. "I know you're the only person we know who has risen from death twice, but I believe that, in time, your will to live will overpower this connection to death."

I looked at her with watery eyes, wanting to believe her but afraid to hope. No one knew what was going to happen, not even her. In the way her eyes softened, I could tell she understood.

"Your aura is very... complicated. It's much darker than before but in a different way. Previously, your aura had a dark coating with shadows looming underneath. Now, those shadows are gone, but the shell appears darker to me. I also see many bright emotions, much more intense than in others."

"What does this mean?" I asked, feeling a pain in my forehead.

"I think it means your connection to death is stronger, but you're not receiving the negative effects of the spirit from Lissa. The stronger your mark of death, the more vivid your emotions. Right now, it's dominated by fear and anxiety, but I also see positive emotions. I see a lot of love, brighter than before."

I sighed, immersed in my thoughts. It was true—I perceived everything more intensely as if my heart had a greater sensitivity to all the stimuli around me. Lately, these emotions felt unbearable, too piercing, too... vivid. What if I could dive into that intensity, and embrace life even more fully than before? Could I participate in life as I once did, or even more fully?

"What should I do?" I asked her. She sighed, looking at me thoughtfully, and brushed the hair from my forehead.

"It seems to me that you just have to ... live. Surround yourself with everything that makes you feel alive, anchored to this world. Your aura doesn't lie. You are alive, even if marked by death. Only through your persistence will you be able to overcome this marking."

We sat in silence for a while.

"What about the... tree?" I asked quietly. Sonia nodded.

"We will work on it. You, me, Lissa, and Adrian. You are not alone in this, Rose. We continue to discover the most diverse secrets of the spirit... It's also time to learn the secrets of Shadow Kissed."

I found her hand and squeezed it.

"Thank you, Sonia," I said sincerely. I felt much calmer and grounded after confiding in her and listening to her advice. "But I have to go. I have to talk to Dimitri about this."

"Finally," Sonia smiled slightly. "At our meetings, he doesn't want to talk about anything other than how worried he is about you."

I rolled my eyes and started walking toward our house. I passed the willow tree without glancing in its direction, afraid that if I looked at it, my courage and determination to talk to Dimitri would crumble.

He was nowhere to be seen in the house, though I noticed his shoes and duster in the hall. I started to worry until I saw the balcony door open. I looked outside and found him deep in thought, watching the sunrise. Despite the concern etched on his face, he looked like the epitome of peace in the dawn's light. Maybe because of this illusion of bliss, I forced myself to step onto the balcony.

"Hey," I whispered, matching the calm mood. Dimitri's eyes flickered to me, as he smiled gently, but the smile fell from his lips at the sight of my eyes.

"Rose, what happened?" he asked, standing up. I quickly walked over, grabbed his hand, and pulled him to the couch with me. He squeezed my hand, encouraging me to speak.

"Can we talk?" I asked, and he nodded, deadly serious. I took a deep, shuddering breath. "I know I've been acting strangely since Tasha shot me. I thought it had to do with being Shadow Kissed, and I didn't know how to put it into words, but I'm ready now. It seems to me..." a tear escaped as I took another shuddering breath, "...it seems to me that I came back wrong, incomplete."

I told him everything I was experiencing, occasionally glancing at his fully focused eyes and the picturesque landscape outside. I couldn't stop the tears as I shared my worst fears with the man I had fought so hard to build a life with.

When I finished, I squeezed his hands tightly, holding my breath and waiting for his response. Chills ran down my spine as he brought my hand to his lips and kissed my knuckles.

"Roza, you could never come back wrong. Even if with consequences, and severe ones at that, it is never wrong. The fact that you came back would always be nothing but perfectly right to me."

I began to cry and threw myself at him, wrapping my arms around his neck. He hugged me tightly, helping me sit on his lap. I buried my face in the space between his neck and shoulder, and he held me as close as possible.

"As long as you came back, we'll deal with everything else, I promise. Whatever I can do to help you, I will. You are not alone."

"I don't know if anything can help me," I whispered, letting my tears fall onto his skin. I felt his lips press against my temple.

"Then we will do everything to help you in this new reality. Step by step we'll manage it all. And I'll be by your side every step of the way."

I continued to cry in his arms as he whispered quiet words of support, love, and comfort in my ear. I couldn't yet believe that everything would be alright, but at least in his arms, I felt alive and loved. These feelings helped me calm down and hold onto the tiniest piece of hope in my heart.