Requiem III: The Search for The Truth
by Bonnie Eagan & Alisa Joaquin
Part 20: Despair
Matthew Caine was filled with despair, even though the herbs coursing through his body were ridding him of the poison. For him, he felt it was too late. All his life he had been too late, too late to recover the lost treasures of the Shaolin, too late to see his son take the brands, too late to even say goodbye when he thought his son was dead, and too late now to make amends for his own transgressions. He may have told his son in his bardo that he had found inner peace, but in truth, he had found nothing. As a Shaolin, he had lived a life like no other, traveling across the globe, searching, and helping those in need. But as a father, he had failed. In truth, he barely understood what it meant to be a father. His own father, the man whom he named his own son after, Kwai Chang Caine, had barely been around for him, until he was six years old and then only for six more years. And yet, his father had been a legend, and he wanted his life to be just like his. Little did he know that his life would end up with so much heartache.
Matthew had lost his father when he was 12 years old. His chi had been poisoned by an unknown assailant, a poison mysterious and old. The cure had been lost a long time ago. Caine made Lillian promise to take their son to China and have him trained in the ways of the Shaolin. He told her of the temple in Hunan Province, the very one which he had been sheltered as a boy and trained. Through his father's pain and tears, Matthew learned of his older brother, Chung Wang. Trained by Caine as well, Chung Wang had returned to China to help the remaining monks rebuild and open a new temple and to finish his Shaolin training that Caine had not been able to provide. Shortly after, Kwai Chang Caine died in the arms of his beloved wife Lillian with his son beside him.
Because of whom he was, young Matthew Caine was able to enter the temple, despite some protests from others. Very few monks from his father's time remained. Only the old apothecary remembered how Masters Po and Kan had been fond of the half Chinese orphan and had taken him in, seeing in the young boy that he carried within him the spirit of the Tao. The old apothecary saw within Matthew the very same thing and told the temple leaders, "If you do not accept him, the last will not be able to save the first, and what does not come to pass will be forever lost." Confused by the old one's statements, the leaders of the temple allowed Matthew to enter, but his mother Lillian had been denied entry. They had no facilities to accept women. Theirs was a small temple. Though Chung Wang lobbied for her acceptance, he was denied. She would have to remain in the village.
As the years went by, Matthew lived up to his father's reputation, becoming Shaolin and a great healer. Then one day, he fell in love with the daughter of a nobleman. Though the nobleman was against his daughter marrying a priest, having betrothed her to another, she would not be denied. He found her in the arms of the priest and disowned her completely. Lillian accepted Su Ling into her household as daughter. It wasn't long before Su Ling gave birth to a son and the small family was very happy, until one fate-filled day, six months later. A great war broke out and many Chinese wished to remain neutral even though a change could be felt within the air, a change that would affect all Chinese and nearly destroy its past and even future. Despite Matthew's training, he was still an American, having been born of that country. Matthew felt the need to be a part of it, to do something to aid his fellow countrymen. His Shaolin training and beliefs prevented him from carrying a gun, but his training as a healer made him a perfect candidate as a medic.
Matthew drifted in and out of consciousness, reliving his past, seeing all that he learned and knew over the years. Each joy that he would experience for a moment, he would rally. But each time he witnessed his failures, despair took hold once again and he slipped further into that deep dark world of oblivion, those failures growing larger and larger each time. Tears would stream down his face with great anguish. He would cry out in Chinese for his mother Lily, for Su Ling, and for his father. As all this went on, his own son, Kwai Chang, looked on and did his best to hold on to his father as he struggled.
"You must help him Lo Si," Kwai Chang pleaded, despite the confusion and anger he felt within his own soul. He was angry at those who would do this to his father, but angry at his father for not being there for him when he needed him. It was almost too much for the younger priest to accept.
"I cannot help him other than give his body relief. You must set his soul at ease."
Kwai Chang Caine stared down at his stricken father. How was he able to do that when his own soul was in turmoil? Why was he hesitating? Did he want his father to pay for his crimes of abandoning him? Surely, he did not feel that way, and yet.
Suddenly, Matthew cried out, deep in the throes of a poison induced nightmare. "My son! My grandson! No! You cannot be dead. No. I have failed you both. I have failed you."
Deep racking sobs filled the chamber, cries of despair that rent the air like no other. It reminded Kwai Chang of the day that he had lost his own son and his mind filled with those images of him kneeling at his son's grave, grabbing a fistful of dirt, and letting it slip through his fingers as he cried out his own anguish. How could he allow his father to continue to suffer?
'Lo Si is right,' Kwai Chang thought to himself. 'I, too, have known such despair. For 15 years I held it in my heart until a miracle had occurred, a miracle that neither I nor my son had ever thought possible. That same miracle has occurred between my father and I, and the time and distance between us is far greater than it was between Peter and myself. I must do this. If I am to have any time with my father, I must help him.'
Kwai Chang Caine resigned himself to what he had to do. He stood by his father and took his hand. They had much to work out, far more than he and Peter did. Seeing his father in this state, Kwai Chang realized he did not want to lose another minute. His father had been restored to him, just as surely as Peter had been restored to Kwai Chang. He and Peter were able to work out their differences and time was not an issue. They had many years to spend together yet. But with Matthew, how much they had time was uncertain. Kwai Chang Caine was facing a challenge that he had never faced before. He only hoped he was worthy to the task.
Continues with Part 21