Chapter 4: A New Gravity
There was an awkward silence and sengoku looked nervously to her left, back into the windows of the clothing store. "Well araragi-san" she said timidly. "I better get back to my shopping. I was about to make a purchase when I saw you" she blushed and looked back at Araragi with a small smile.
Araragi glanced at the store window. The mannequins all had different clothing items on them and were set in alluring poses. They all stood unmoving inside the still transparent glass of the store window.
/ She must be ready to get back to her girly obsessions, he thought /
"Wagata, Sengoku. It was nice seeing you, and I enjoyed our talk." He paused, looking at her with a deeper level of sincerity. "Despite your seemingly dark path, I have faith that you will somehow find the right one. You're a nice person so that just makes sense." He said, nodding as if he was agreeing with his own personally said statement. "Hi, Arigato gizoumas, Sayonara!" She squeaked and a gave tiny bow and left back into the confines of the clothing store.
Araragi and Shinobu were alone once again in the sunset air of the city street.
Shinobu piped up from beside araragi for the first time in a while. "My my. I wonder what other love interests will come across us in our path home this day. We have seen quite a lot of your formidable love menu, I'm wondering if you will end up hitched for good by the end of it."
Araragi huffed, "Sengoku is off the menu off the menu of love interests, as well as all the other girls we have encountered today. I would expect you to know that" He glared at Shinobu holding his ramen in the hand furthest away from her, "especially Sengoku-San is off the menu"
"Why's that? I thought you had a ready taste for the young ones"
"Because Shinobu. There is a proper order to life, where little green things that grow, grow under the shade and protection of things before it. I was before Sengoku, her time does not exist besides mine. It exists behind it"
"Is that all," she replied rolling her eyes and yawning.
It wasn't long after they had left the front of the clothing store that they ran into redwood lane. But by which time the streetlights had turned on.
The air was beginning to get cooler and the world around them was turning into the cool blue twilight of dusk. Glowering with yellow lights the streetlights shone down on the pavement, placing blue air next to yellow illuminate concrete.
A slight breeze blew, brushing against Araragi's grocery bag of ramen making it swing on its handle, but the owner kept tight guard over his grip. The young Sir began to get excited with the prospect of making it home on time. Considering how far they had already come they were making excellent time. He had about 3 quarters of an hour before his show started, and they were now within 15 minutes radius of his home.
Araragi watched the world as he slowly walked through it with Shinobu. The trees swaying in gentle motion, occasional cars passing with motors making a low rumbling, cicadas singing softly. Meanwhile moths and various bugs were engaged in their nightly airborne dance around the glowing streetlights.
It was times like this; times when the air temperature reached a degree just below what the blood was elevated to; a lukewarm sensation that he was swimming through air came over him. It was at times like this Araragi wondered if all of his life were just some crazy dream that he was wandering through. And he wondered currently if he was wandering through his life correctly.
Shinobu walked silently besides him, not making a sound beyond her white sandal footsteps.
"Shinobu, do you dream?"
Shinobu who had been lost in thought herself about some mysterious ponder, asked drearily "Nani?" She said, "What is it you're saying pet?"
"I asked if you dream at all.."
She laughed audibly and grinned widely "of course I don't dream, I don't sleep"
/ Surely she did not sleep, she did have a point /
"I know that. But doesn't it feel like sometimes we are just living in a dream? And even beyond that, do you not have hopes and wishes that you desperately wish to obtain… those types of dreams."
"Well I can tell you that we definitely don't live in a dream. Everything here is very real."
"Sometimes I feel as if it's not"
Shinobu threw up an irritated eyebrow and in a flash grabbed Araragi's free hand.
/ The one not carrying the ramen /
Araragi yelled from surprise but before he had time to snatch back his arm Shinobu sunk her teeth hard into the soft sensitive flesh of his his hand.
/ His yell of surprise was double into a roar of pain /
"AGGHHHH"
"That is how you know, you don't live in a dream" she said fiercely dropping his hand and turning her head from him with an angry scowl.
"Tch, foolish boy, keep your childish daydreams to a minimum when in my presence."
Araragi took back his hand and rubbed with his other, his eyes watering with pain. "You creep, how dare you bite me with your monster mouth."
She turned back his way and huffed incredulously. "As for you your other question," she said ignoring his rebuke. "I think that if I was served *Mister donuts* for the rest of my life for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, that would suffice for fulfillment of my…" she turned to him and made quotation gestures, "dreams".
Araragi huffed and rolled his eyes. "Again with your donut addiction" "I was talking about something more serious. I was talking about your spiritual dreams."
She shook her head as they resumed walking towards their destination "I have no spiritual dreams, I only dream of sweet surgery delights"
/ She dreamed of donuts /
Araragi walked with her, pain of his hand had relinquished, but his irritation remained. His dreamy moment had come to an abrupt halt and he was now left thinking about all the distasteful things that had happened that day.
But his mood lightened as his house was within sight now. In the distance but still the very same within sight.
"Oh" said shinobu from his side, "I also recognize the area we are in now, i know where to go now."
"Tch, of course you would, the house is right there" he said pointing in the distance. "And we would have been here a long time ago if it wasn't for those surgery delights of yours that got us lost in the first place" he said bitterly, venting his frustration at the short vampire.
/ she was quick to retort /
"Well I'm sorry your girl escapades had us lost in a trail of complete involvements, thereby obscuring our sense of direction and knowing WHERE TO GO!"
I already told you none of those girls had any relevance in my heart! And here you go again calling the herbivore carnivorous!
/ he at this point got so internally frustrated that he couldn't stand it. He was besides himself with irritation. /
"That's it! I've had enough! You go home, since you know where it is! Im going to the park!"
"You'll miss your show!"
"I don't give a shit! Goodbye!"
Shinobu peered at him with a spiteful smile as he walked away and it only fueled his anger. The fiery burn of his anger making him walk intentionally faster.
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/ He walked far away /
Within five minutes he had speed walked far enough to be able to observe the small park in his neighborhood in the not so far off distance.
It seemed like a good enough place to cool his head so he crossed the road to be in line with it.
The twilight had ended, and the night had begun. The Streetlights shown brightly, and the wind continued to dance warm air through the street.
/ *tck tck tck tck tck tck* /
Some fallen leaves blew by Araragi as he reached the threshold of the parks sidewalk. He looked around the park, and was somewhat surprised to see a figure sitting calmly on the bench besides the playground. The person seemed to be eating something and simply staring off into the distance.
Araragi made his way into the park, his feet making a crunching sound on the gravel below with every step.
/ *crunch crunch crunch crunch crunch* /
He found his way to a bench a distance away from the stranger, sat down and breathed a sigh. It had been a long day. Much longer than it had to be. Araragi was amazed at how much energy one person could experience in one day having done and accomplished so little. But that was life, he supposed. It's an experience, and success in any venture isn't guaranteed, so of course there were going to be lengths of his life that seemed utterly empty and yet full of mishaps. He adopted a bittersweet smile at the chagrin of a themed statement that seemed to hang in the air above his head.
[He had missed his show in the end.]
/ And it was by his own digression /
"Yeh," he said softly to himself. "This is life"
The wind blew a gust and leaves fell from surrounding trees. Araragi watched them as they drifted and spun patterns in the air, and his eyes chanced upon the stranger. The person was visible from this angle, a light post from between them showing their face. It was a girl. Araragi could tell that much from the way she was dressed. The thing she was eating was a garigarikun popsicle and still staring off into the distance.
A slight discomfort came into his mind about being in the park alone with a female. But she seemed to be older so he thought maybe she wouldn't feel at unease. In any case, he was only cooling his head for a bit and getting some air before returning to his house.
While he was pondering these things, the lady's eyes noticed him observing and moved to meet his. He looked away in a flash, and felt the steam of embarrassment start to well up in his stomach.
/ Now he wanted to move /
He turned to look around the park for another bench that would give him some privacy and saw one several yards away faced outwards to a small pond that was in the park grounds.
*That's it* he thought, *I'll move there and it will be like there is no disturbance at all.*
Just as he turned a voice called out to him from very close by.
"Hello Araragi" The voice said.
He whipped around to see the stranger, / The stranger that knew his name / standing only a couple of feet away, arms crossed and peering down at him with a humorous grin.
It was Izuko Gaen. The young woman who had given advice to tsubasa and himself only a short while back.
"Oh, it's you" he said with a relieved face.
/ He thought he might of been being confronted for looking at her /
Araragi gave a somewhat confused somewhat curious look, "What are you doing here?"
Gaen hummed and took the final bite to her popsicle. "A lot of nothing, just spending time in Mother Nature. Taking in her beauty."
Araragi nodded his head, "Hmm, well, that's good. I didn't know you did stuff like that."
She gave a look of mock surprise and laughed alittle, "On the contrary I do it quite often. Especially on nights like this when the air is warm, and the weather is serene." Her look flipped as she asked, "What are *you* doing here? The same reason perhaps?" She said pointing a finger inquisitively to her chin, "or maybe something else. You look like you were thinking hard about something earlier, not exactly peacefully meditating."
Araragi's eyelids slanted and narrowed at this, "you were watching me?" He asked. He was sure that her vision was turned in another direction.
"I glanced." She said, with alittle shrug. "It only took a moment to notice that you are troubled about something". She looked around the park at the tree's still occasionally swaying in the breeze. "You must have come here because you needed a place to think."
*That's a good guess*
/ He thought /
Araragi's look softened and he sighed a breath. "Hi, I did have something on my mind.." he looked down at the ground trying to grasp at what he had been doing here. "But I think mostly I'm just feeling my mood."
"You're wouldn't be the first one to do that. It's a common habit amongst people to go to nature when they feel imbalanced." Gaen said, and he looked up to see her staring back with a slightly apathetic smile. "Your just one of many people"
And then she threw her hands behind her back and leaned slightly over to her right, touching the bench with her jeans. "So what has you bothered on this day Araragi-San? What are you so heavily considering on this cool breezy night?"
"I'm not sure I want to talk about it" he said, looking gloomily to his left. "When I talk about emotions I can get carried away. And I'd rather not left that happen."
"But if you don't talk to someone they will be bottled up like a can of soda" she said smiling at him, "And when some life event comes and knocks you about, they will all come exploding out of you and onto all of your surroundings." She waved a hand in the air, "and nobody likes that. It's better to converse and clear your emotional channels of the negativity."
"Are you calling me a can of soda?" He asked an expression of sarcasm coming over his face.
She nodded gleefully "In this moment, I am, yes." "But I'm sure you could be a thousand other different things…figuratively, of course".
"Well I guess you have a point, and it's not that big of a deal, so I guess I can spill the soda."
[Araragi went into a long dissertation about what had occurred that day. From the getting lost and wandering around for hours on end, to the constant heckling of shinobu, to their fights about his ideations for femininity, to him losing his ramen] [meanwhile, Gaen sat down on the bench next to him and listened and nodded as he talked, only stopping him to ask questions for clarification]
"And when she said that, I had had enough. The day was already bad enough without her peeing all over the image of my own world. I left her to her own self and came here."
"So you are mad at her because she keeps on figmenting relationships between you and other people that aren't actually there." She said looking at a space above Araragi's head, and then swinging her eyes back to his.
"Yes, basically"
"And they arnt there?"
"No they are not" he said flatly.
"Hmmm…." she paused for a moment and sat about twirling her bare popsicle stick around in her fingers like it was a baton. "Maybe it's generally the prospect that they could be there that lets conclusions like that be flung about." She looked at him with conviction. "Do you want a girlfriend?"
Araragi rolled his eyes over to one side. "Not really"
"But you do want something, don't you?" She asked inquisitively.
"I mean, a meaningful relationship would be nice. I would love to have that. But I don't have that…"
"Well now the conversation is getting interesting." She said and taking her popsicle stick that she had been still holding in her hand, threw adeptly in the trash a few feet away. She leaned in and put her clenched hand under her chin looking at him intensely. "So tell me then, what kind of girl are you looking for Araragi? Are you the type of person that would go for a woman of perfect spiritual presence? Aligniated perfectly to her femininity? Or maybe more individualized, to certain special characteristics."
"Relationships are found in simple requisites. Simple qualities interlock and form bondages. So what simple qualities are you looking for Araragi? And what simple qualities could you simply not get along with?"
/ Araragi had no idea what he was looking for /
/ He has never asked himself such a particular question /
"From only some few simple likenesses made, whole masterpieces can be made. Beauty being endowed in a small point" She made a dot in the air with her forefinger, "and then growing, expelling outward." She took both hands and made an expanding motion. "But only if you know clearly what you looking for in life. Qualities of spirit, things like that, invisible to the eye"
Araragi leaned back looking confused bending his head slightly, "Qualities of spirit. What do you mean?" He asked.
"Like qualities you only dream about seeing in someone usually, A soft spirit, caring and compassionate, someone who will genuinely care. Maybe an intelligent spirit, that fits your own mind shade in exactly the right frame ? Maybe even a darker spirit, whose calm shades leave you feeling like you're at the right temperature of mood."
"Let me ask you.. Have you ever heard of Newtons laws of universal gravitation? "
Araragi shook his head slowly "Newtawn law of.. Nani?"
"it says that all objects that exist in space attracts particles to it from the center of their own matter." She said and brought both her hands to the center of her breast.
"People are really just objects of space, in a sense, moving through the world." "Contained within them are vast quantities of thoughts, emotions, belief's, memories. These things have substance to them, at least to the person they belong to."
"And in ways," she winked at him, "romantic attraction is very much a type of gravity. It pulls you in, and holds you to something. What they call love. It is sort of a gravity."
"So" She said, slapping her jean thighs and looking excitedly to the boy in the cooly illuminated darkness. "Where do you think you find your center Araragi.?"
"What is the center of your matter?"
"You should know… don't you? What matters fill you…"
It was at this point Araragi took a somewhat long mental timeout to try and see if he could understand what she was saying. He contemplated, grasping at the ethers of his understanding, hoping to come up with something solid.
/ But his understandings were still as dark as the corners of the park they were in/
"What do you mean?" He finally asked, giving up on the chase.
"Ok, By center I mean, where in your life do you feel most at home? Most comfortable? Like a place in life you know you truly enjoy…"
"Oh, I don't know… when I'm watching Anime? Reading Manga? Looking through Fashion magazines with bright smiley faces. Long walks on breezy afternoons…. I guess that's where I find my center. I mean." He paused, "I'm think that's where I feel most at home. Is that a good enough of an answer?"
/She laughed and smiled haphazardly, "No it's not."
"I mean in people. In relationships… Because that is what we are talking about… you and me, on this wonderful spring night." "Where do you find your center in a relationship? Is it in the talking? The jokes? The excitement, the understanding? There are certain things you want from a good friend correct? Some things you have recognized in previous relationships that make the you time happy and worthwhile?"
Araragi considered the question seriously in his mind, a considerate expression displayed to match the action. "I suppose there might be…I've never considered it before"
"And there's your problem." She said , hammering down a fist to a flat palm. "You don't know what you're looking for in a relationship. So you strike out randomly and end up with people like senjougahara and hanekawa."
Araragi gasped.
"I've never been with hanekawa!" He exclaimed with eyes wide.
"That's not the point. The point is you don't know that you wouldn't want to be. And at your state like this, you could find yourself blindly in a relationship with her without considering that she isn't the one for you. Life is important, but you're young and you don't consider that. And it's because you don't consider your life that ignorance blinds you to the fact that it is really your own happiness and congruity with your relations that is important."
"The better you know the center of your own matter, the more intelligent your gravity will be. The more intelligent your attraction will be. "
Araragi was starting to come on to what she was saying.
/ He could see Izuko's rendition of Newton's formula in his head clearly /
He slapped his fist into the flat of his palm. "Ok wagata. The more intelligent my gravity will be? So I need to be a planet that only attracts aliens that it actually wants on it"
"Exactly! But in sense that you truly know the things you want." "I imagine you don't always look for romance in a relationship, but when you do, you should make sure to look carefully. Considerably. Considering your reality, truthfully."
"consider qualities"
"if you see them or not"
"those good and those you cannot get along with"
"and be honest with yourself"
"The more honest you are, i gander the better your aim will be. And be sure to aim"
She at this point turned faced forward and stared up at the night sky for bit, noticing passing grey wisps against the pitch sky. After a moment she turned just her face and smiled at him widely. "If you're more intelligent with your attraction, more deliberate in your progressions, I'm sure that your vampire friend will be inclined to stop teasing you about who you do or don't like."
Araragi smiled halfheartedly, alittle bit consumed with thought about the things she had said; about further steps forward steps in his psychology. They both took a breadth and a moment looking out to the dark vista around them.
"Well, I should be going now" Gaen said, rising up off the bench. "I think I've had enough fun for tonight"
"Yeh, I think I should be going home now as well." Araragi returned also rising up off the bench. "My sisters will be locking the door soon and I don't have a key."
"It was good talking to you Araragi. I wish you the best of luck with your future romances" She said lowering her head and looking under her hat with upturned eyes.
"Thank you Izuko-san, I really appreciate your advice. I'm going to try to take it with the best of my ability"
"Yokai" she said , and then gave a sharp salute. "Sayonara Araragi-San", and with that she walked away, becoming a silhouette of darkness into the cover of night.
Araragi stood around for awhile longer after she had left, staring into space and wondering more about what she had said to him. He knew that he might have in fact been slightly sloppy with his attraction(what Izuko had called his gravity), before. He bit his tongue as he considered all the times he fantasized over senjougahara, and even admittedly hanekawa, in his mind; when in reality deep down he knew that they were not fit to be in a relationship together.
"I'm such an idiot" he said to himself softly.
With a start he began to walk back towards the parks entrance and on towards home. With him he took a new perspective, and an ambition to achieve a different type of goal in life.
His life's display screen was clearly set.
And in more than one way, he did not feel lost anymore.