Author's note: If you brought up chapter 8 of The Middle Men and found chapter 8 of Wormhole instead, I apologize. It has been fixed.
—–
Morning broke, and Mac awoke to find Luke and Chevy crowding on top of him in the carriage; still sound asleep.
"Get off of me, you skillet-heads" Mac rummaged himself out from under them to go take the reins. He was happy that nothing attacked them like sitting ducks once they all dozed off in the middle of the forest. He cracked open some breakfast for himself and set off.
"What do we have for breakfast?" Chevy crawled up behind him a half an hour later.
"Whatever you brought in that letterbox" Mac reminded him.
"Oh, yeah"
Chevy opened to find his potato and egg breakfast in shambles after being used as a weapon against the boisterous cat girl. Not that he was picky about it.
"How much further do we have to go to reach the big 'X'?" Luke sat down next to Mac.
Mac took out the map. They were over halfway there. But they did have to pass three more landmarks before arriving at the 'X' destination. So the search continued.
—–
Later that morning…
"Do we have a plan B, Mac?" Chevy mumbled in a shaky voice.
All of the men were sprawled out on their backs with their arms spread. For about fifteen minutes, small sparks of blue lighting had been trailing off of their stunned bodies as their hair stood on end. Now that they could move once, they could properly bicker.
"Don't ask me. It wasn't my idea" Mac grumbled as he rolled back and forth, loosening up his limbs. He knew who to blame.
"Well, I'm sorry! She looked like the symbol on the map, didn't she? Remember how we overlooked something like that last time?" Luke thought back to their past screwup.
The map symbol in question was a blue, human-like form with fuzzy ears and a fuzzy tail. They weren't sure, but when they came across a mamono with blue hair, animal ears, and a fluffy tail, they chose to jump on her, catch her, and give her the third degree. She didn't look fierce enough to take all three of them.
However, they didn't realize that she was in fact a Raiju, who was surging with electricity. After sending a powerful but non-lethal jolt through her ambushers' bodies, she watched them drop backwards, stiff as boards. Her only acknowledgement was a stern 'Hmph' sound and then she left them to think about their mistake. She didn't like impudent men.
"At least we're consistent. We were almost killed last time, as well" remarked Mac, now able to stand up. "And now she got away"
"What next?" Chevy asked, combing down his puffed out beard.
"We're going to find her. That's what's next"
"What then? She's packing more heat than us" Chevy added.
"We'll push her into a lake, or something" Mac muttered, not quite sure of a plan yet.
"Or we could short her out with a barrel of water" Luke proposed.
"Even better. Let's go"
"Could I dose her? I'd like to teach her a lesson" requested Chevy.
"Alright. Give it to her good". Mac appreciated any volunteer for the dirty work.
They all went back to the carriage and moved on in the Raiju's direction.
Less than a mile down the road, they came upon a wagon. It was all cock-eyed as its back half had sunk into a deep mud puddle. Its driver spotted them approaching. The trio did not recognize the driver, but the driver did recognize them.
It was a Nurarihyon; the same Nurarihyon that had witnessed the trio's fiasco in the izakaya. In her travels, she had passed by the village and heard of bedlam that had taken place in a certain ryokan the night before.
"Is it safe to stop?" asked Luke.
"You don't see any monsters around here, do you?" assured Mac. They then rode up to the awaiting stranger.
Once they jumped off the carriage, they realized just how lovely she actually was. She was wearing an artistic, black and white kimono that was much less humble than others in the Zipangu region. Her legs peaked out from below, clad in a knee-high stocking and geta sandal combo. The kimono rested on her shoulders, but drooped down enough to show off some cleavage. With her elegant skin, silver hair adorned with a black flower, and elaborate earrings, her aristocratic nature ran laps around most people that the classless trio associated with back home.
All three men were taken aback by her presence and suppressed a blush. But while Luke and Chevy gawked, Mac managed to talk. "Hey, what's going on here?"
The Nurarihyon was pleased to have company. "Nothing much. My wagon seems to have somehow gotten stuck in this mud" she smiled in a beckoning sort of way.
"Heh, women drivers" Mac jeered in a hushed tone at the other two. The Nurarihyon heard him, but wasn't bothered.
"You know, a pretty girl like you shouldn't travel alone. There are monsters around these parts" Chevy cautioned her.
"Yeah, we've come close to getting gobbled up more than once" Luke added.
"Among other things…" said Mac.
The knowing Nurarihyon feigned a feminine helplessness in her inflections. "You mean there are mamono around here? Good heavens. Do you know where I could get help with my problem?" she motioned to her wagon.
"You've got nothing to worry about, babe. We'll help you with that" Mac said, putting on the charm. He was nothing if not dedicated to good public relations. Then the three of them huddled together.
"You, get the rope; the big one. You, get ready to push" Mac ordered.
"What about you?"
"I'm going to find something to throw at the horse's butt to motivate it. If that doesn't work, we'll saddle you up to pull with it" he nudged Chevy.
"I still don't have horseshoes that fit me"
"Just put on the saddle, and no one will be able to tell the difference" Luke blasted him.
The Nurarihyon chuckled under her breath at seeing their scatterbrains at work. But she chuckled even harder at their oblivious circumstance. Because what the men didn't know was that she herself was a merchant. In fact, she was one of the most well known dealers in all of the Zipangu region. She had built her shipping and trading network from the ground up and had turned very good profits. What they also failed to realize was that she herself was a powerful type of 'yokai' mamono. And being a magical majin meant that her figure lacked any sort of inhuman body parts, which only helped to conceal her true nature.
One of her techniques to success was that she had made it her business to know of everyone in the region, as well as their habits. It kept her one step ahead when it came to selling and trading with people. And after witnessing the trio at the izakaya, it was not difficult to deduce that they were likewise the perpetrators of the ryokan pandemonium that was making the rounds through the grapevine. She found it quite amusing to see them so terrified of mamono. That clued her in that they were not of the Mist Continent. Perhaps the mainland. Only there could such a foolish mindset be born.
Even if the trio had not shown up, she was hardly perturbed by the predicament with her wagon. The Nurarihyon possessed powerful magic that could free the wagon without hassle. But the more interesting choice was to keep up the facade that she had going over the men's heads. After all, given the men's growing reputation, along with her life as a socialite, she was thrilled to formally meet the madcap group. It would help kill the mundaneness of the day.
Pulling out her smoking pipe, she chose to make conversation with each of them as they went about their duties. First, she sauntered over to Luke.
If she had to guess, she'd say that Luke was born with jitters engraved on his face. It was his neutral expression, even when just working. Only adding to his timid vibe was how he tended to avoid eye contact with her. An indication of his lack of female interaction. But she had experience with bringing things out in the shy types.
"You seem a tad nervous. Are you afraid of your travels bringing you face to face with a mamono?" she gleamed with a mysterious smirk.
"Um… Yes and no. Well, what I mean is that facing danger is part of our business"
"How so?"
"It's what we do. Those monsters have all kinds of wild, mumbo jumbo flowing through them. We sell them for good profits on the market. But we do have to risk our heads when we go out and ransack ingredients from them" Luke brightened up a bit.
"Do you now?" the Nurarihyon drolled and, likewise, perked up at such a thought. Her curiosity as a saleswoman was triggered.
"Sure do. I also make some goodies and concoctions using the ingredients. If I just had some more resources, I'd really wow the customers" Luke pined for a bigger and fancier workshop to experiment in.
"You must be… creative" she took a small taste of her pipe with a subtle glow in her eyes.
"I have to be. With all the messes we get into, we need some creativity to come out alive"
"I suppose that makes you the smart one in the group" she flattered him, which assisted in Luke's comfort.
"Yes… well, not really. That would be Mac" Luke had to be honest. "I guess you could say that Mac navigates our bandwagon through life. I just steer it through his course"
"And your hefty friend?" she glanced toward Chevy.
"What else? He pushes the bandwagon" Luke motioned at Chevy's present job, both figurative and literal.
Luke's mirth wasn't lost on the Nurarihyon. He was a pleasant sort of fella once he relaxed. She tittered and moved on to Mac, who was rummaging through their carriage for something sharp.
"Lose something?" she remarked as placid as ever.
"Now don't get panicky, miss" Mac went by instinct to soothe her. "We'll have you out of here in no time"
She was puzzled by his response, but took it as an opening, nevertheless.
"Will this be a big job for you? I'd hate for you to go out of your way for me"
"Aw, think nothing of it. We're used to this kind of stuff. The only one who'll give us trouble around here is that long-faced critter- Ah-ha!" he rejoiced and pulled out a piece of a morning star weapon. Then he eyed their horse. "Sometimes he needs motivation when he gives us an attitude"
"I'll bet you know just the right spot on the backside to hit, too" she mused with a playful gesture, but in more than a playful tone.
"That's why I'm the brains in this brigade. When there's trouble, I get us out of it" Mac bragged.
She noted the difference between Luke and Mac. If Luke was born with a jittery face, then Mac was born with a sneering face. His grin seemed to twist harder in response to his nature as a man of action. And he possessed few of the social hang ups that Luke had. However, he was no greater a charmer than Luke was when it came to women.
"You get into trouble often, don't you?" she led him on.
"You'd better believe it. It's a living, toots" Mac sneered, half bragging and half bemoaning their lifestyle.
"There are many easier ways to live life"
"We have bills, and trouble makes money. Well, it does if you do it right. What puts food on your table?" Based on her inviting figure, Mac didn't expect she ate too much.
"I go wherever my business takes me" she twerked her eyebrows.
"See? That's why women don't do well in business. Always focused on what's in front of them, not planning for the long-term" the crass Mac felt bold enough to take a slight at her.
Stifling a self aware chuckle, she responded. "Don't they?" she said, sarcastically pondering how she managed to establish a trading network.
"Certainly not. We formed the Anti Women Union to make sure that women stay out of our business"
The Nurarihyon stifled a giggle at such irony. It would be simple to point out how their whole business depended on females, but it was far more fun to entertain their inane business philosophy, rather than shatter it.
Nevertheless, the Nurarihyon maintained her composure. "My, how focused you are on your work. It must have been your business that brought you to the Zipangu region"
Mac sported a smug face. "The biggest business, yet" he boasted while remaining cryptic.
"Big enough to change up your whole business model?" she speculated based on Mac's zest.
Mac finally realized the game that she was playing and stopped himself. "Ah, I see what you're doing. You're trying to nose in on our trade secrets. Nothing doing" he denied her probing.
But she wasn't dismayed and kept her grin going strong. "Oh dear. You catch on quick" the playful Nurarihyon admitted.
"Yeah, you can't put anything over my head, babe" he bragged, not catching on to her underlying mockery.
The Nurarihyon let out a pleasant sigh. "I guess you have me all figured out" she patronized him once again with a tiny, knowing snicker. Still, she respected Mac's boldness, as boorish as it may have been.
And last but not least, she strolled over to Chevy, who waited in his mud-covered boots to push at the back of the wagon.
Keeping out of the mud herself, she came close enough for Chevy to take a whiff of the blackish haze flowing out of her pipe.
"What've you got in there? A liquorice flavored candle?"
"It's called 'kizami'" she said before she sucked in a large breath and puffed it at him. "What do you think?"
The richness of the smoke sent an inebriating wave through his nasal cavities. He'd never experienced anything like it before. Nevertheless, he remained his usual self.
"Hmm… pretty good. But it needs some sugar" he twitched his nose. "What other grub do they have around here?"
Chevy's face was much more expressive than the other two. His wide eyes and round face left him incapable of concealing his feelings.
"Clearly, you are not from the Mist Continent"
"No, sir- I mean, 'ma'am'. We're a long way from our home in Truseve"
The Nurarihyon knew that she didn't need to utilize any sly probing on Chevy.
"It would be a shame if your work consumed all of your time. You'll find this land to be quite delightful" she stated, already expecting him to open up more.
"You can say that again. It sure is fun to travel around and see new things" he answered.
Her smile widened. "Despite the… 'dangers', of course" she recounted Luke's words.
"Good point. That part isn't too fun. But as long as we know how to run, we won't let those monsters get their paws on us"
"I can imagine what they would do if they did" remarked the Nurarihyon with a sly roll in her voice.
Chevy grimaced, not picking up on her double entendre. "Me too. They'd have a great time with us" he commented through heavy irony as his head raced with gruesome scenarios.
She took another puff of her pipe. "They sure would" the shrewd Nurarihyon scoffed under her breath as her scenarios were much, much different.
Chevy seemed like a free spirit to her. Not at all cynical like his cohorts. He was either a natural optimist, or too idiotic to truly learn from his mistakes. Either way, he was cute to chat with.
"Alright, enough yapping. Tend to business" Mac marched back with Luke, now ready for the next phase of their plan.
"Right-o!" Chevy affirmed.
With all three men ready in the back, they signaled their horse to tow the wagon as they pushed, while the Nurarihyon signaled her horse to pull. As expected, the men's horse ignored them, so Mac tossed a pointy amulet at the horse's rears to get it to move.
As the Nurarihyon watched, it took almost five minutes before they made progress and the wagon was free. But unbeknownst to the celebrating men, their horse neglected their orders to stop and kept towing right along. It would have left them behind, that is, if the Nurarihyon hadn't stepped in and cast a calming spell to stop the animal. The men didn't even notice, but she didn't mind.
After her wagon was free, she mounted it and bid them a 'goodbye'.
"Many thanks, my good men. My name is Marota. If there is anything that you may need, come see me" she said, calm as ever. She was grateful for their kindness, despite not needing help in the first place.
"Well, now that you mention it, there is something that you could do for us"
"Name it"
Mac pulled out the map and pointed toward the blue etching with the ears and the tail. "Could you tell us who and where this blue dame is?"
Being well versed in all of the Zipangu region, it was simple for Marota to identify each location on the map. She studied where they had come, all the way to where they were heading. It was like discovering their warpath.
"That is not a person" she divulged. "It is the statue of Miss Kiratzu. It's ten miles North-East of here"
"Wish we had known that before. Would've spared us a shock from that blue, furry girl we jumped on" Luke grumbled.
"It was funny to see the hair flaring out on your heads" Chevy joshed at the other two.
"Look who's talking? That beard of yours was puffed out like a frightened cat" Luke returned his own jab.
Marota imagined how they looked after they were shocked.
"At least we don't have to find her again. It's just a statue that we have to get to" Mac added.
"If you wish, I can direct you to the exact location of that 'X'" she said, astute as ever.
"You can!? Where!?" Mac lit up.
"You're in for a surprise. It's closer than the Kiratzu statue is. The 'X' is marking the 'Tree of the Blithe Soul', just four miles South-East of here"
"Gee, thanks!" he said and rolled up the map with an elated expression. "It's our lucky day, boys"
"Finally" huffed Luke. "We could use this kind of luck more often"
"I've got an idea. Why doesn't she come with us? She might be a good luck charm" Chevy chimed in. His face reddened when he briefly locked eyes with the bewitching Marota.
Mac was quick to dash Chevy's suggestion. "What are you trying to do? Get chummy with the minx? We don't work with girls" he scolded him.
"Come on, how could you not trust a face like that? She's as pretty as one of those monsters"
Just then, Marota noticed a collective epiphany grow amongst the three men's faces. It was clear that, for all of their differences, their brains operated in similar fashions. And in this case, none of them even considered that she might be a mamono… until now.
They creaked their heads toward her.
"You don't have any monster parts under that getup, do you?" asked Mac, now on alert.
Marota wasn't worried about getting found out. Sitting in her wagon, she tugged her kimono up at the hips to reveal her nubile legs and cheeks, which were most human-like. "See for yourself" she grinned smugly.
The eyes of all three men almost popped out of their sockets. They leaned in, totally entranced by Marota's elegant and pristine lower half. If it wasn't for her thin, black panties, they would have seen a lot more.
Chevy's lips moved, but no words came out.
"Uh, uh, uh, nope. Sh-She's all human…" Luke gulped in awe.
Mac was likewise captivated by her. It wasn't until he dropped the ever valuable map that the businessman came back.
"Err, I-What am I-? Hey, don't distract us, babe. I have a hard enough time keeping their minds out of the gutter" he forced himself to tear his eyes from her legs to her face. "We have to get going now"
As she covered her legs back up, the other men snapped out of it.
"I suppose I have to, as well. It was wonderful meeting you. But may I ask, what do you hope to find at the 'X' on that map?" she probed.
Chevy spoke first. "A jackpot. There's a-"
But Mac was there to shut him up with his hand before he revealed the secret.
"A party! There's a party going on there. We just can't wait to get there and set up our food stand for all of those hungry patrons, heheh" he laughed and pulled Chevy by the beard. "Well, let's get going… now!"
Dragging the other two back to their carriage, they rode off with Chevy waving goodbye to her.
Marota waved back. She went her separate way, but the whole experience was quite unique. Part of her wanted to follow them and find out what they were clearly keeping from her. But alas, she had her own business to run. All she could do was hope that they crossed paths again.
—–
Later…
"You're kidding me" Mac grieved.
"I wish I was" replied Luke as he peered ahead through their home-made telescope. "It looks a little like that tavern in Remwell, only outside and… hotter…"
They did find the 'Tree of the Blithe Soul'. It was a massive, purple tree that had existed for hundreds of years. The boys had paid no attention as to why it was called the 'Tree of the Blithe Soul'. The deep red fruit that grew from its branches, called 'blithe fruit', had the unique distinction of giving an intoxicating effect to anyone who consumed it. Very much akin to sake.
The tree was located in a wide stretch of flat land that one would have to climb a hill thirty or forty feet up. On this day, there was a sizable group of ogre-type mamono called Aka-Oni's and Ao-Oni's gathering around the tree, along with several men. Given the Oni race's propensity for alcohol, as well as it being the only week of the year that the blithe tree bore fruit to eat, they had chosen that spot to celebrate the anniversary of their marriage by drinking with their husbands.
"Dammit. I was just making that crap up!" he spat out loud, cursing his prophet-like coverup.
"How about that, Mac? You said that there was a party, and here it is" Chevy commented, almost cackling at the irony.
"Shut up! I get it" Mac shot him a scowl. "This is a fine mess. We can't just stroll over to that 'X' spot and start digging. We need to scatter this party"
After throwing around some thoughts, Luke came up with an idea.
"Wait a minute. You remember what we did to get payback on Eric in school?" he proposed.
Mac thought back to all of their shenanigans from their youth. "Not a bad idea"
"What is? I don't remember"
Already reading Mac's mind, Luke dug out a metal flask and handed it to him. "Here it is"
"That's our ticket. Drinking a dose of this stuff is going to make them all wish that they had a massive toilet on hand" he tittered in sinister delight.
"That's right. I remember that. Heheh, he did run for the hills, didn't he?" Chevy recalled their school-day vengeance.
"Didn't make it in time, either" Luke giggled in return.
"Listen up, boys" Mac huddled with them. "If we split up, we can hit each of those drinking barrels with this special cocktail"
"Then it's just a matter of time…" Luke affirmed.
"Yup"
"You mean that we have to go alone?" Chevy grew concerned.
"Certainly. It'll be easier to not get spotted" Mac overestimated their ninja skills.
Now Chevy was really worried. "But I was almost killed in that tavern last time. You think that I want to do it again, but with monsters?"
"I suppose that you want to wait around for all of those partiers to pass out and then just quietly tip-toe around them? No way. We're going in. Mind your P's and Q's, as well as remember to dot the I's and we'll make it" Mac patted both of them on the backs.
Chevy gulped but agreed. "Okay. But if you find me laying on the ground, then set five cherry pies around my body"
"Why?"
"If that doesn't get me up, then you'll know for sure that I'm dead"
"Aw, quit griping. You'll be fine. We'll meet up at that big boulder off to the side" Mac rallied them all.
Each taking a third of the toxic concoction, they planned out their routes and then separated.
Near the tree itself, there was a single stockpile of unopened barrels near the tree itself, which all had been stacked into a sizable, barely balanced tower. Besides the blithe fruit to eat, three smaller opened stockpiles of sake barrels that were spread out amongst the partiers. On hand to provide extra intoxication. And with Oni's being Oni's, they were surely going to go through every barrel before the day was out. Going into stealth mode, the operation went fairly smooth. The trio relied on anything they could use to hide, be it bushes, crates, or tables. All of the drunken stupor amongst the party-goers aided the men in moving about undetected. Relatively.
And only a little bit of the Mickey Finn would go a long way in tainting a whole barrel.
Once all three stockpiles were hit, they each snuck over to the boulder. Mac arrived first.
"Did you have any trouble? Are you all done?" asked Mac to the approaching Luke.
"Sure, I'm done. Not much happened. Except that a big, blue drunk girl with horns chose me as the shoulder for her to lean on. And boy, she was big" he grimaced and favored his back. He had been found by an Ao-Oni mamono whose weight collapsed on top of Luke.
"Did she puke on you like that girl from Balterg"
"Luckily, no. After I pulled myself out from under the sleeping oaf, I ran like a bat out of Hell before anyone else saw me"
"I bet you did" Mac sneered. "But nice work, kid"
"I made it" came Chevy around the corner, tossing an empty barrel aside. He was soaked.
"What happened?" said Luke.
"Somebody tossed one of those barrels on top of me" he rubbed his face clear. "At least it kept me hidden on my way over"
Mac shook his head in disapproval. "Did you get it done?"
"It's done, alright. But did you see all of those guys at this party?"
"Poor saps are too drunk to know that they're in trouble. Oh well. Soon they're going to have a pants-full of trouble" snickered Mac.
"If they're not turned into dinner first" Luke added.
"That's going to be a messy meal for them" Chevy laughed.
As they talked, they noticed an approaching shadow.
"Someone's coming!" Luke muttered just above a whisper.
They all peeked around the corner to see a tipsy Aka-Oni stumbling over toward their position.
"Wha- Why is she coming over here!?" Chevy searched for an answer.
But Mac already had it solved. "She followed your sake trail, you 'rum-bug'. Now we're found out!" he yanked on Chevy's shoulder.
"Well I didn't-"
"What do we do!?" Luke started panicking while Mac began plotting.
The Aka-Oni hiccuped. She's had lots to drink already, but she still had room for lots more. But seeing a moving barrel scurrying away from the party had made her curious enough to interrupt her drink and go check it out.
She found the barrel behind the boulder, but now it was motionless and no one was around. She was too drunk to wonder if she'd been having hallucinations and she'd been away from her booze for too long already. The barrel had more sake for her to drink, so she scooped it over her shoulder with the greatest of ease and went to return to the party.
On the way back, she noticed something odd about the barrel. Even if she was tipsy, she knew that sake had never muttered before, let alone muttered in three voices. She put it down and studied it.
"Is there someone in there?" she asked the barrel.
"Nothing but sake" a muffled voice responded again, followed by two other muffled voices.
"Good, that's just what I'm looking for" she slurred and opened the lid for a drink.
Inside was not sake, but three men crammed to the brim. All of them gawked at her in their uncomfortable, twisted positions.
"If she doesn't kill us, then I'm gonna kill you after this" Mac snarled at Chevy who squirmed in shame.
"You're no sake" she said with a droll. "Who are you?"
"Fish in a barrel" said the intimated Luke.
"You three sound like you've had too much to drink" she teased them. "You must know your way around alcohol"
"...I guess you could say that" Chevy answered in a more casual tone.
"Could you do me a favor?" she singled out Chevy and pulled out a small jug she had been holding under her arm. "Taste this and tell me if it tastes funny to you"
Even Chevy knew that she most likely filled her jug from one of the tainted barrels. "I, uh, I really shouldn't"
"Sure you can. Give it a whirl" Mac nudged him, not wanting to aggravate the imposing monster. Part of him was motivated by the desire to slip out of their predicament, while the other part wanted payback for Chevy's bone-headedness.
"But that stuff is-"
"She's just having you taste it. Not inviting you to lunch. Go ahead" Mac kicked him as best he could in the confined space.
"O-Okay then" Chevy hesitated to comply.
He only wanted a sip, but the Aka-Oni pressed it to his lips to guzzle a good mouthful. It was big enough to puff his cheeks, but he dared not swallow it. He just smiled with his pudgy, bearded face.
"See? If it tasted bad, he would have spat it out. It's just fine" Mac volunteered to speak for him.
"Hmm" the Aka-Oni shrugged.
"You'd better get back to the party before it's all gone" Luke urged her.
"Oh my god. You're right. I'm almost out" she checked her jug and marched off. She wanted to be sure to have enough for her and her hubby at the afterparty.
Once she was gone, the pressure on the barrel reached the breaking point and it burst at the seams, spilling the men out.
"That was too close" huffed a relieved Luke.
"Hey, you can spit it out now" Mac snapped at Chevy who still held the sake in his mouth.
"Ptui!" spat Chevy. "I'm hope I'm not poisoned"
All that was left was for the men to wait for their 'party prank' to take effect on their victims. It was near dusk by the time it happened. One by one, the Aka-Oni's and their husbands were struck by a major gurgling stomach, followed by an onset of incoming diarrhea. Each one raced as fast as they could into the surrounding forest to deal with their 'problem'. And they had consumed a lot of the drug. Afterwards, the cocktail and the alcohol in their system would leave them no choice but to pass out cold.
Once the party was effectively cleared, the men closed in on the base of the tree, where the coveted 'X' was located on the map. Tools in hand, Mac and Chevy began digging up a storm, while Luke went about gathering the remaining blithe fruit into a pack. It would fetch a good price back home.
Deeper into dusk, their digging struck something hard…
"Did you hear that!?" said Chevy, having just planted his pickaxe.
"That's the treasure, alright!" affirmed Mac.
"Quick! Find the edges!" stated Luke, beginning to dig around the hard surface with his hands like a dog.
Once they cleared enough, they heaved the object out of the hole. It was so heavy that it took all three of them to do it.
It was a big wooden chest with rusty metal hinges and clasps. The sides were adorned with an eagle and sword insignia while the front had a large yellow padlock that shined almost like gold, even through the dirt. It didn't appear as old and decrepit for something that had been buried, so all signs suggested that there was a treasure inside.
Without the key, they couldn't open it peacefully. So the brazen Mac took a shovel and tried to smash it open. But try as he might, he only managed to bend the shovel.
"What the Hell?" he snarled.
"Boy, when they lock them, they really lock them" commented Chevy.
"We're not beaten, yet. Is there a key in that hole?"
"Yeah, if it was buried, then it has to be a skeleton key" Chevy remarked again.
Luke took another look. "Nothing but dirt and worms"
"You think that you can pick that lock, 'four-eyes'?" Mac implored.
Luke took the lock in his hands to look it over. "Maybe. But I'll have to bring it back to the shop. I can't do it with sticks and grass"
"Wait a minute. You mean to haul that whole thing all the way home?" interjected Chevy, sensing that he would have to carry the whole thing around instead of splitting up the load.
Mac gave an aggressive smile. "You're damn right we are. I'm just dying to see what's inside that thing. Aren't you, too?"
"Certainly" Chevy agreed begrudgingly.
"Me too" shrugged Luke, still holding the padlock in his hand.
But no sooner than he spoke, the lock in his hand gave off a purple spark and popped open, with no effort on Luke's part. They all turned only after hearing the click.
"Huh? What did you do?" Chevy cocked his head.
"I, I-I'm not sure". He hadn't felt anything from the purple sparks.
"Well, well, well. Ol' 'magic fingers' does it again" Mac maneuvered Luke to the side and set himself in front of the chest. Chevy joined him on the other side.
They opened the chest and were smacked with a blinding light. Filled to the brim was a stash of over one-thousand glowing gold coins.
Their jaws crashed onto the ground. Then, they all rejoiced by hooting and hollering like giddy school kids. Shortly after that, all of their greedy hands dug into the pile to grab as much as they possibly could at once. In a matter of seconds, the area was a mess with gold coins sprinkled about.
"Thousands. Millions. Trillions!" Mac proclaimed, almost swimming in the pile. He did wish that there were some jewels included. But with so much gold, they'd make an easy trade for the fancier items.
Luke was tossing them in the air to crash on his head. "There's more gold here than all I've ever seen combined. Think of the possibilities!"
"We could have our own ranch; just for growing food! We could live on cake for the rest of our lives!" Chevy rolled around in the gold on the ground.
After they calmed down enough to compose themselves, they set about recollecting all of the coins into three piles that each of them would carry as their loot. If one of them lost their stash, then at least there would be others.
"I told you this was a great idea" Mac nudged Luke while dropping another handful into his pile.
"You could say that again" Luke replied.
"Hey, Mac. Why does this gold look weird?" Chevy studied one of the coins. It didn't have the usual head, insignia, or anything else that usually identified currency. It only had what looked like a heart on one side and a male figure and a female figure on the other side. Chevy didn't bother to think about the carnal act the figures were depicting.
"That only means that this gold is even more valuable" Mac dismissed his concerns.
"Gee, maybe this gold could even buy love!" Chevy grinned.
Luke scoffed. "There's a thought"
But as they sat and counted the currency on the ground, their backs were turned to the chest. They were left oblivious to how the rest of the gold in the chest began to move on its own and take on a human form. A feminine form.
It was a mimicking type of mamono with the ability to masquerade as gold, known as a Creeping Coin. She had been buried and sleeping inside the chest for years until someone's desire would wake her up. But now that she was awake, she had nothing but a male on her mind. And here she had three males presented to her, albeit unknowingly.
She bent down from the treasure chest and kissed Chevy on his bald head without making enough noise to alert them.
Chevy was surprised. "Gee, I didn't know you liked me that much…" he smirked at the closest person, Mac.
"Huh?" said Mac, noticing Chevy smiling at him on his right. "Nevermind me. Get back to counting, 'melon-top'"
Chevy was baffled, but resumed counting.
The playful Creeping Coin moved on to Luke, who sat on Mac's left side. She likewise planted a kiss on his head.
"What was that for? Encouragement?" Luke was also mystified.
Mac didn't understand why he was being singled out, but he was annoyed just the same. "You too? That gold is all of the encouragement that you need right now. Stay focused"
Luke squinted a bit. He didn't understand, but followed orders.
Last but not least, the Creeping Coin moved on the Mac in the middle and planted a wet big kiss on his head.
Mac went wide eyed, then twisted his face back into a scowl.
He jumped to his feet. "Okay, who's the smoochy one around here?"
"Yeah, who?" the other two both said, wanting the same answer as they got up.
"What're you cretins looking at?" Mac noticed that he was still the primary suspect.
"Who else could be the smoocher? The only one who could kiss me on the head is you" accused Luke.
"Yeah, me too" Chevy agreed.
Mac was outraged at such a sissy thought. "I didn't kiss you two mugs. You think that I'm some kind of fem? One of you kissed me"
Luke shook his head. "No, I didn't"
"Me neither" Chevy denied.
"That would be me, sweeties" the Creeping Coin behind them finally enlightened the stupefied men.
All three twisted their heads around slowly. With the voluptuous lady's golden skin, golden hair, and golden getup being as shiny as the treasure, their bamboozled minds raced with questions. But they all arrived at the same troubling conclusion.
"You wanted to see what was inside, well here I am. I've been waiting so long for someone to let me out of there" she uttered with a sizzling appeal while her hand traced her breast. "And now that I'm freed, I'll-"
She didn't finish before the lid slammed shut hard on her head, sending her right back into the chest, courtesy of a startled Mac.
The trio knew that she was mamono. And that was all they needed to know.
She burst out again. "Hey! Why did you-" she exclaimed before the lid was slammed down on her again. But this time, all three men piled on top with her outcries only coming out as muffled grunts.
"We've got us a gold-digger here" Chevy bellowed from under the other two.
"I don't believe this" Mac growled. He hated having the rug pulled out from under him. "What is she doing here!? This is our claim!"
"Well, actually she got here before we did, so, in a way, the gold would be hers" the technical-minded Luke corrected Mac's claim.
"Stop arguing semantics!"
"What now? I can't exactly sit on this until we get home" Chevy recounted.
"We're going to dispose of her. That's what!"
"Let's at least lock her up again" Luke retrieved the padlock. But what should have been simple, was taking many seconds.
"Come on, come on! Lock the damn thing!" Mac berated what he believed to be incompetence.
"I am! But it's not locking!" Luke stammered.
The padlock was unique as it operated on magic, rather than mechanics. So, now that the magic had been broken, the padlock was now nothing more than old scrap with no ability to lock on its own. Useless for them.
"Why not!?"
"It must be some mumbo-jumbo tied to her!" Luke theorized as he gave up on the lock and piled back on the chest with the others.
"Terrific" Mac pounded on the chest. "Come on!" said Mac, realizing that they needed another lock.
The men kept the lid shut long enough to dump the chest into an empty beer barrel. It was a snug fit around the chest, which proved great as the barrel's walls prevented the chest from opening back up. They rolled the chest back into the hole that they dug it up from.
Mac was panting. "That'll hold her"
"Whew!" Luke rubbed his brow, just glad to be safe from the Creeping Coin.
Chevy scratched his head. "But what was she doing napping in a buried treasure chest?"
"That's her problem. And she'll have plenty more time to think it over, too" sneered Mac.
"Did you see her skin? Was she made of gold?" Luke peeked back into the hole. It was one of the first things he noticed about her, besides her comely nature.
"Hey, we got off easier than normal, this time. Let's just gather up the treasure out here. Then we'll bury her and get moving" Mac motioned. The thought that she was made of gold hadn't been lost on Mac. Even so, he knew that they shut some remaining gold inside the chest with her. He wanted all of it, but he didn't want the headache that accompanied it. So the gold scattered about would have to suffice.
However, their plan took an unexpected turn.
The three piles of assorted gold turned on them. It began floating into the air like a golden rainstorm frozen in time. As one collective mind, the herd of coins launched itself into the stunned trio, knocking them to the ground. They shrieked and struggled as the coins engulfed them like a swarm of angry bees. They were far too terrified to realize that they were not being hurt in the slightest.
Eventually, they kicked and squirmed their way out and to the side. The coin storm then changed course. Instead of pursuing the men, it swarmed into the hole and onto the barrel that was trapping their master, the Creeping Coin. Covering it like a gold brick, the coins searched for a way inside.
"Mac! Now's our chance to bury it!" a panting Luke called to action, despite needing a breather.
"How about we drown it, too!?" Mac pointed toward the tower of sake barrels close by.
They nodded at each other in unison. Chevy simply followed them around to the back of the tower and pushed like they did.
The tower was so big that knocking it over was an easy task. Barrel after barrel toppled into the hole, burying the chest and the gold under almost three-hundred pounds of wood and sake.
But while half of the barrels fell into the hole, the other half overshot it and proceeded to barrel down the hill right toward none other than the Jinko, who had tracked them to the 'Tree of the Blithe Soul'. Remembering what happened last time, she opted to scout them out from a safer distance this time.
Or so she thought. Upon seeing the incoming kegs, she engaged her natural athleticism to jump, flip, and roll around the tumbling projectiles. She did very well… for a while. The splitting barrels splashed sake and blinded her enough to shatter her form. Then a set of barrels crashed into her and drove her straight into a tree, knocking her for a loop.
"That'll teach you to swarm us" Mac berated the troublesome tokens. He and the others were oblivious to the Jinko's misfortunes down below.
"Think I'd rather have been attacked by those Hornets again" said Luke. He hoped to not develop a phobia of currency. That would be a most ridiculous fate.
"Scramble up what we can…" Mac went to salvage and plunder from the abandoned party. Trinkets, personal possessions, or even fancy beer steins, they'd take anything at that point.
Chevy, however, couldn't turn away from the barrels in the holes. "But… couldn't we take some of the gold with us?" pleaded Chevy, hopelessly confused by everything.
Mac's face twisted in rage, and he stomped back over to his fat friend. "Listen, 'pickle-brain'. You know any place to peddle haunted gold? We try to buy anything with a bag of jumping-jack coins and the Order will use us as 'flags' for the gallows. It's not worth it!" he snarled, pissed that he had to backtrack on his previous statement. He grabbed the stuttering Chevy and dragged him away.
Chevy may have been oblivious, but Mac and Luke knew who was behind the sentient gold. And they also knew that the greater the distance between them, the better.
Returning to the carriage, they all threw in the few measly items that they'd salvaged and then departed. None of them said a word. As they caught their breath over the next several minutes, a silent tension lingered in the air. All three of them felt it, but didn't want to be the one to say anything about it, which drove them nuts.
Luke couldn't stand it any longer and opened his mouth.
"All of that for nothing…" admitted as he cocked an eyebrow on his diffident expression.
The truth set Mac off. His outburst came out in a gnarring sound. He wished that he could blame someone in particular, but couldn't. And of course, blaming himself was out of the question.
"My thoughts exactly" Luke agreed with Mac's frustration, though he lacked his touchiness.
"The biggest bombshell of our lives and it turned out to be a big fat dud" he fretted.
"What kind of supreme being makes a monster out of gold? Was it some sort of sick joke?"
"Sounds like it. Gods must like getting liquored up, too"
"Just like that drunkard who you got the map from?" Luke surmised, nonchalantly placing the blame on Mac.
"How could I have known that the map was one big booby trap?" Mac objected.
"It had boobs, alright. Big ones" Luke thought back to the Creeping Coin's sex appeal.
Mac groaned. "Urrrh. You simpleton"
Then both men heard giggling. It was coming from Chevy.
"What the Hell are you laughing at?"
Chevy was convulsing in place with a big grin on his face.
"I-I don't, hehe, know. Hehe, somethi-, hehe, tickling-heh!"
Chevy managed to dig under his shirt where he pulled out one last lively coin. It bounced around, trying to free itself from his fingers.
Luke was reflexive in getting a bottle and trapping it inside.
"How about this? A prisoner" Luke handed him the bottle. He also saw it as a test subject.
Mac thought for a second. "Well, it's no treasure trove," he said with a flat smirk. "But maybe with the right amount of savvy, we'll catch a sucker". Mac even considered making it a sideshow attraction and then charge people for admittance.
"I wonder what haunted coins eat?" Chevy studied the frantic coin.
Mac sighed. If only Chevy wasn't part of their posse. He'd be a perfect sucker.
Back at the tree, the Jinko found the entire scene to be abhorrent. Such decadence with alcohol and orgies was looked down upon by her proud species. It disgusted her to think that her targets would engage in that kind of disgusting behavior. And here they had slipped through her paws yet again. Just another bit of payback that she would take out on them. Now she was really losing her cool.
The men in the carriage had made their decision. With no need to stay in the Zipangu region, the trio began the regretful backtrack toward their boat. They had hoped to have a much more valuable cargo, but alas, they only had a few new items to add to their inventory. With that frustration in mind, they hoped to leave all trouble behind them at that point.
Little did they know that the trouble that they unlocked couldn't be forgotten so easily.