This is purposefully bad and dark, morbid humor. I ask that you read at your discretion and if anything in particular is a trigger/makes you uncomfortable I advise you simply to try something good. Anyways.

That's the AN.

(X)(X)(X)

The day was bright and calm. After a perilous mission and a terrible night of sleep, an anxious Sakura pondered the — she doesn't know what to call it — contraption in Kakashi's arm.

A long rope stretched from his hand, obviously following into something, albeit he decided to obscure it with a long, white sheet.

Sakura heard the clang of metal against metal, and something else she couldn't identify, almost like little animals squeaking.

"Good morning!" Things were weird. Kakashi had a pep to his step and an obvious smile despite the mask. This was entirely new. Sakura saw the gears turning into her teammates' heads, her own almost fuming. This was suspicious, both being on time and the package and the happiness. "I have good news."

She prepared to run.

There was a moment of silence, where everyone was quiet, though neither of the three genin had said a word to each other yet today. Naruto had crossed his arms, the black leather of his jacket straining against them. His face was expressionless. Sasuke frowned legs crouched, ready to pounce or flee. Kakashi, meanwhile…

"Why do you guys look like that?" he asked, shook his head, and continued, "Anyways. These are for you."

He quickly laid the thing on the ground; in a grand flourish the sheet was thrown into the air, Sakura blinked, then felt the weight and softness of something to her arms, instinctively pulling it closer to not let it fall. Three open cages were revealed.

There was a bunny in her hands.

"Surprise! These are yours, give them names!"

White as snow with innocent, stupid eyes looking up at her. Her face grew soft and she cooed.

"I'll call you Ino!"

"I'm glad to see somebody is so enthusiastic. What about you, Sasuke, what name are you going to give it?"

"Itachi."

Wow, that cloud looked a lot like a bear, and that one—

"Anyways!" Kakashi looked at Naruto, prompting him.

"Usagi-chan." The blond's voice was serious, the black of his bunny matching his outfit. His eyes looked oddly contemplative, outside of its usual blankness. Sakura, curious, wondered if Naruto had anybody home to take care of his bunny, then thought the same of Sasuke. That was probably what had Naruto contemplating. Maybe if they went out on a mission like Wave again, she could get her parents to look after the three bunnies?

"With the Chunin Exams coming up, I think this is a nice exercise for you guys to learn a bit about taking care of defenseless, fleshy animals. It's almost like having a pet genin of your own, but smarter!"

Sakura ignored the insult, thinking of trying to help her teammates, subtly. "Is it not a big responsibility? What if we have to go away on a mission."

"You're going to manage, I'm sure, Sakura!" Kakashi said. "Just look at me, I handle you guys fine."

"Not like that, Kakashi-sensei, my parents will take care of Ino-chan when I'm away, but what about Naru—"

A desperate squeal echoed all over the training ground, making her and Kakashi turn around fast as lightning. Ino panicked on her arms, adding to a cacophony of its, Itachi's, and eventually Sakura's squeals of horror.

"Looks like Naruto won't have to worry about Usagi-chan when he's out of town now," Kakashi said, completely deadpan.

Usagi-chan lay on the ground, still spasming, an amount of blood too big for its small body staining the grass around him and most of its torso a bloody red.

"What the fuck?" Sakura muttered.

One singular bloody tear slid down Naruto's face, but his face remained completely cold.

"Now that I have managed my first kill, I am ready for my dangerous, harsh life as a shinobi," Naruto said. "Usagi-chan, you will never be forgotten, as because of your sacrifice you have helped me in more ways than one."

His eyes morphed, slowly growing red, the same color as Usagi-chan had become, with a complex star-like, black figure in its center. Sasuke gasped.

"You have helped me evolve. I now bear the Mangekyo Sharingan."

Itachi had to be removed from Sasuke's arms for its safety,

"Don't be a poser!" Kakashi shouted/admonished. "Find your own gimmick, Sasuke."

(X)(X)(X)

AN: It's sad to have to explain the joke. The first kill with a bunny trope is something reserved for the most stupid, Wattpad-worthy fics, so much so that it isn't relevant by any means. Let's just say that aside from the jokes scattered around this chapter (I'm personally proud of that last paragraph), the big funny is about edgy for its own sake. And I think this is one of the stupidest ways of being edgy, first of all because it isn't enough to be considered truly edgy, it's more into pathetic territory, and second of all, well, it doesn't truly need a second reason, lol. It's just stupid.

I'll discredit myself by saying comedy has to be about something relevant to be truly impactful, but this does have relevance to me, personally, as my first attempt at writing fanfiction ever involved one such scene. So I guess the big funny of this is my poor writing?

Anyways, if you like/dislike this enough to write about it, do give me a detailed account of the reasons why, containing the name printed on your mom's credit card, the weird numbers in it (expiration date, security code, and its number), and the billing address; I'm also open to suggestions about stupid tropes to write about and bad fics recommendations.

Thanks!