Sirius was proving to be as good as his word. Harry was having an awesome summer traveling and spending time with him.
Although Harry had appreciated the sentiment when Sirius offered to take him anywhere he wanted to go, he'd never given much thought to travel before, and struggled to think of possible destinations. At a loss for other ideas, he mentioned that Hermione and her parents seemed to enjoy France. Sirius–with what Harry would learn was his typical enthusiasm–took the notion and expanded it to mean that the two of them should devote their summer to visiting as many places in Europe as they could manage.
Their usual routine for each trip was to spend part of the day exploring the local wizarding areas, and part of the day hiking nearby. After spending so much time in the Forbidden Forest after his escape from prison, Sirius associated being out in the woods with freedom. When they returned to civilization for meals, Sirius preferred cafés or restaurants with outdoor seating, or failing that, spacious interiors. That was fine by Harry, as he had his own reasons to dislike confining spaces.
While they hiked various trails all over Europe, Sirius told stories of his days at Hogwarts with Harry's father, and Harry shared highlights of his own three years at the school. They both avoided mention of the years between.
Besides the great outdoors, Sirius' other passion in his new life as a free man was eating. Between the food and the exercise, he began to lose the gaunt, emaciated look he'd developed during a decade in Azkaban, followed by a year surviving on scraps he found around the castle, and whatever he managed to hunt in the Forbidden Forest.
For lunch, the two would grab something quick, but every evening they went out for an elaborate dinner–rarely to the same restaurant twice, unless one of them had a particular craving. Nor did they limit themselves to British establishments, as Sirius thought nothing of the expense of getting them two round-trip international Portkeys to pop over to the Continent for the day.
Their usual routine was to explore the hidden magical quarter of whatever city they were visiting, spend the rest of the day hiking somewhere nearby, and then return to the city for dinner.
Going abroad had the added benefit of letting them become anonymous, as neither enjoyed reminders of their notoriety. Even well-meaning people tended to forget the reason both of them were public figures ultimately traced back to the same tragic Halloween night. For the same reason, whenever they did go out in Britain, they kept to the Muggle world. Sirius looked less and less like the pictures the Muggle media had carried when he was still a fugitive, and Harry had of course never been a recognizable figure outside the wizarding world.
The one meal Harry and Sirius sometimes shared with the Dursleys was breakfast. Once or twice a week, Sirius would Disapparate out in the morning to buy two orders of fry-ups for Harry and himself, along with the morning edition of the Prophet.
When he returned, he would insist that everyone gather at the table for "a proper family breakfast." Sirius would claim Vernon's traditional place at the head of the table for himself, then he and Harry would eat their eggs, bacon, sausages, beans, tomatoes, mushrooms, and toast, while Dudley and Vernon looked on mournfully as they ate their own breakfast of grapefruits, as mandated by the diet Petunia had imposed on them.
The meal would proceed largely in silence, aside from silverware clinking against plates, and Sirius rustling the newspaper as he leafed through it. At some point, he would clear his throat and say, "Here's something interesting, Harry."
This would cause the Dursleys to cringe, as they knew what was coming next. Sirius would read an article aloud, unerringly finding the most lurid tale of magical misadventure printed that day, the sort which usually ended with people getting rushed to St Mungo's. By the time Sirius finished reading, the Dursleys would look ill, terrified, or both.
Harry supposed he should intervene, but it wasn't like Sirius was using magic on them. Their suffering was entirely due to their own bigotry against freakishness. Well, almost entirely. Sirius did have a flair for presenting magic at its most horrifying.
But if he didn't allow Sirius this harmless release, what other mischief might he think up? Besides, Sirius always seemed to start the day in an extra cheerful mood on those mornings.
Of course, before they could all sit at a table together, there'd been some tension to resolve–or at least reduce.
Harry didn't quite share his godfather's confidence that the Dursleys had no way to cause them trouble. Sirius hadn't bothered to ask Dumbledore what he thought about his plan to move in, and Harry preferred to avoid word getting back to the headmaster.
The first step was dealing with the terror Sirius had provoked on the first day, which Harry did by slipping some Draught of Peace to his relatives. The tone of that first meeting had been extreme, but probably for the best. If Sirius hadn't established right from the start who was top dog, the Dursleys would have been a nightmare all summer. Even so, Harry thought it best if he tried to smooth things over going forward.
His next step towards that was to convince Sirius to forego the endless variety of practical jokes he'd planned to play on the Dursleys with Harry's help. Harry couldn't deny the thought was tempting, but he remembered Lupin's story about the encounter Sirius had tried to arrange between Snape and Lupin one full moon night, back when they were students. He decided not to let Sirius be the judge of how far was too far with the Dursleys. Keeping Sirius around was more important than getting even.
When Harry raised the issue, at first Sirius dismissed the notion of any trouble arising from a 'harmless' joke here and there, so Harry switched tactics. He explained how much he looked up to Arthur Weasley for dedicating his career to protecting Muggles from magical abuse, and that seemed to get through.
Sirius was disappointed, but his eagerness to win Harry's approval won out over his gleeful anticipation at the thought of tormenting the Dursleys. He agreed not to use magic against them–as long as they behaved themselves.
(Harry recognized the tinge of hypocrisy in his own use of magic–the Draught of Peace potion–to keep the Dursleys subdued, but justified it to himself as being for defensive purposes. The International Statute of Secrecy and the Decree for the Reasonable Restriction of Underage Sorcery both made exceptions for self-defense, after all.)
In the end, the biggest factor in maintaining peaceful relations was that Harry and Sirius spent almost no time at Privet Drive, other than to return at night to sleep. When Harry asked if he was spending enough time at the house to recharge the wards, Sirius was vague in his answer, but Harry decided that if the reason he had to stay there every summer disappeared in a puff of magical smoke, it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.
~*~Remus–as he'd asked Harry to call him after the school year ended–joined Harry and Sirius from time to time when they dined out in Britain. More often, he insisted he had work to do.
After one such dinner when Remus had declined to join them, Harry and Sirius went for a stroll through the streets of Muggle London. Harry asked what Remus was always so busy with.
Sirius sighed. "Making Grimmauld Place suitable for human habitation. Asking for his help with that was the only way I could get him to move in without him seeing it as charity. He's also decided to take it as some sort of penance."
"For what?"
"He's latched onto fixing up the house for us to live in now–you and I, I mean–as a way to make up for where we've been living for the last decade, and what he sees as his role in that. In my case, for not questioning the Ministry's version of events a long time ago. In yours, for not doing more to try to see you when you were growing up."
"Why didn't he?"
"Which?"
"Either. Both."
"You'd be better off asking him."
"Would he answer? He never liked talking about the past or anything personal when I asked him at school."
"Alright, I'll try to explain. The first thing you need to understand is that the war was a dark time."
"I'd imagine."
"I'm not just talking about trading nasty spells in a fight, but the day-to-day grind of it: the disappearances, the paranoia, always having to be on guard against Polyjuice or the Imperius, even with the people closest to you. No, especially with the people closest to you. We were pretty sure we had a spy. Turns out we were right; it just wasn't who anyone suspected. I even thought it might be Remus, and I'm sure he had his doubts about me. We both should have known better.
"That sort of constant suspicion and fear starts to wear on you. People come to believe crazy things when they're scared, trying to find a way to make sense of it all. I don't think it ever occurred to anyone to suspect Peter though. He had this way of fading into the background. Then when it looked like he'd died fighting for the cause, no one was going to question his integrity after that. I didn't do myself any favors either, the way I was raving when they found me."
"I guess I can see that. I've run into a fair amount of suspicion and paranoia at Hogwarts. My second year, I was the target of it. But I've gotten it wrong a couple times too, trying to figure out who was actually behind whatever was going on."
"I almost forget sometimes how much craziness you've been through already."
Harry shrugged. "What about how he acted in my case though? That was after the war ended. Things must have started to get back to normal at some point."
Sirius grimaced. "By then, Dumbledore had already hidden you away, and wouldn't say where."
"You found me as soon as you escaped."
"I don't think Remus ever knew Petunia's married name. Lily didn't talk about her much. But I had the misfortune of visiting Privet Drive once, when Lily needed to talk to her sister about family stuff, and James and I came along for moral support. It's a miracle I remembered after all these years. I guess it's because that day was such an unpleasant memory."
"It would pretty much have to be."
"Anyway, Remus went to Dumbledore, but all he got was vague pronouncements about your safety and best interests. You know what it's like talking to Dumbledore. Everything he says seems sensible and all for the best while you're talking to him. Later, you realize he hasn't actually told you anything, but by then it's too late to go back on whatever you agreed to."
"Yeah. Been there."
"Right? And who could Remus appeal to? He wasn't a blood relation, wasn't your godfather, wasn't anything to you officially. And with his condition… Though even without all that, few people would have questioned Dumbledore's judgment, no matter who was asking."
"What gives Dumbledore the right to decide things like that?"
"Maybe he didn't have the right, but people trust him to have good reasons, even when he refuses to explain them. And he's always been stubborn as hell, for as long as I've known him. People who'd known him even longer told me he lost people during the war with Grindelwald–people he thinks he could have saved, if he'd just been able to convince them to do things his way."
Harry took some time to consider everything he'd heard, then said, "I'm not saying I like the choices everyone made back then, but all year long, Remus has been telling me how important intention is. He didn't intend to abandon either of us for no reason."
"No, but good intentions sometimes lead to bad outcomes, and if you're a decent person, you still might feel the need to make up for it. I'm not saying I agree. As much as I wish he and Dumbledore had made different choices, for your sake and mine, I've already spent too many years lost in negative emotions. Knowing they tried to do their best with what they knew at the time is enough for me to let it go–most days, at least. It has to be."
"Why didn't Remus ever talk to me about this all year at school?"
"I think he figured he missed his chance at getting to know you years ago, and the best thing he could do for you was teach you how to protect yourself. Seems like it paid off, with the way you handled those Dementors."
"Yeah, he did do that."
"He still isn't sure what role he should play in your life, which is why he insisted on getting your blessing before he'd agree to move in at Grimmauld Place. I'm not pushing you towards anything, and he won't either, because it's not in his nature, but since you asked…"
"He was a good teacher. He gave up hours of his own time to give me and Ginny extra lessons. No other teacher at Hogwarts seems to get that I need to know and learn things other people don't. I'd at least like to continue with that somehow, if he's willing."
Sirius smiled. "I can't think of anything that would please him more."
They walked along in silence awhile, then Sirius said, "Speaking of living in hellholes, it's getting late. I guess we should head back, unless there's anything else you feel like doing tonight."
"I guess not. I think I'm ready to turn in."
They walked a bit further until they found a discreet alley to duck into, and Sirius Apparated them both back to Privet Drive.
~*~After his innocence became public knowledge, Sirius had reconnected with his cousin, Andromeda Tonks. She and her husband Ted invited Sirius and Harry to their home for dinner. Their daughter Nymphadora also joined them, though she insisted Harry and Sirius address her as Dora or Tonks, rather than use her full first name.
Harry found Dora easy to get along with, despite the age difference between them. After dinner, she must have noticed that listening to the adults discuss a bunch of people Harry didn't know was putting him to sleep, because she stood and announced that the two of them were taking a walk around the neighborhood.
Tonks stumbled as the two of them stepped out the door. Harry reached out to steady her, but she'd already found her footing. She gave him a rueful grin. "Thanks, but I'm fine. Just a little clumsy."
As they set off down the sidewalk, she told him, "We just missed each other at Hogwarts, you know. I graduated the spring before you started."
"That's too bad."
"I don't know. The biggest thing we would have had in common is Sirius, and with what people still believed about him back then, well…"
"Oh. Right."
"Listen, I was thinking though. There's one other thing we have in common."
"What's that?"
"We both have limited family connections. I don't know if you've noticed, but family is a big deal in the wizarding world."
"Among certain people," he answered carefully.
She paused for a moment at his cagey reply. "Oh, not like that! I'm not going to push any nonsense about Black family purity on you. My mum turned her back on all that, and made sure I never got exposed to it in the first place. Did Sirius tell you who my mother's sisters are?"
"No."
"Maybe he didn't want you to get the wrong idea before you had a chance to meet us. One sister is Bellatrix Lestrange. She's in Azkaban. The other is Narcissa Malfoy."
Harry grimaced. "I've met her son and her husband. Unfortunately."
"Yeah. That's not the sort of family I had in mind. I meant more like the Weasleys, for example. You must have met some of them."
Harry relaxed. "Yeah. Sirius drops me off to visit them whenever he's helping Remus work on the house. The two youngest are two of my best friends. Ron and Ginny. Them and a girl named Hermione, but you wouldn't know her family."
"I've met Ron and Ginny. I was mates with Charlie in school, and he invited me over to the Burrow a few times."
"Small world."
"Yeah, the wizarding world is at least. Anyway, like I was saying, my mum fell out with her family, and my dad is a Muggle-born, so I've got no magical family to speak of, on either side. But I figure, since my mum and your godfather are cousins, that must make you and me some sort of cousins. I never bothered to learn enough genealogy to know the proper term."
"I don't have a good history with cousins. Godcousins, maybe?" Harry suggested.
She laughed. "Yeah. Godcousins. Or we could be, if you wanted."
"I guess so. Is there some sort of ceremony?"
"Nah. I was just thinking if you ever need advice, and can't ask your friends at school because they're too close to the situation, but you don't want to talk to Sirius because he's too much of an adult–"
Harry snorted. "Don't let him hear you say that. He's only an adult when it suits him."
She laughed. "Yeah, I got that sense. But anyway, I might be able to offer perspective as someone who's out of school, but not for too long. You could write to me if you've got something on your mind, or if you just wanted to say hi and tell me what you've been up to."
"Oh. Thanks. I didn't get what you were offering at first, so thanks. I mean it."
"Sure. Hogwarts is awesome, don't get me wrong, and you should appreciate it while you can. But when you spend all your time elbow-to-elbow with the same people, not just in classes, but in your dorm room and common room, and at meals in the Great Hall, year after year… it can get a bit stifling. It might help to talk to someone who's been through it and made it out alive and mostly sane, but not so long ago for me to have forgotten what it's like."
"Thanks. That means a lot. I'm not sure what I can offer in return."
"Hmmm. Maybe I can vicariously relive my lost youth through you?"
"I guess?"
"That was a joke! I'm not an old lady yet. Though since you asked, training to be an Auror can get pretty intense and stifling too, so I could use a distraction now and then to take my mind off it. But family doesn't have to be transactional. You look out for each other, and nobody keeps score."
"Okay. I don't have a lot of experience with that sort of thing."
"I noticed you and Sirius don't seem fond of the relatives you wound up with."
"Not so much, no."
"Sorry to hear that."
"It's alright, now that Sirius is around. We're not even there much, except to sleep."
"Family can be good or bad, depending, but you and I are going to be the greatest godcousins ever. I can just tell." She came to a stop and held out her hand with a grin. "Shake on it? That'll be our official ceremony."
"Godcousins," Harry agreed, as he took her hand and shook, returning her grin.
~*~By the time Harry and Sirius said goodbye to the Tonks family and Apparated back to Privet Drive, the Dursleys had retired for the evening, so the two of them paused to talk in the living room.
Sirius said, "I think that went well."
"Yeah. I'm glad you introduced me to them."
"You and Dora seemed to hit it off."
Harry studied him for a long moment. Sirius could be loads of fun, but Harry still wasn't sure how far he could trust him not to make light of things that actually mattered.
He decided to take a chance. "Don't make fun, okay? But we agreed to be… well, godcousins." He watched Sirius for any sign of mockery.
Sirius blinked at the term, then smiled and nodded in approval. "Godcousins. Has a nice ring to it. I'm glad you got on with them. I'm afraid I can't offer you much in the way of family ties. Andromeda and her family are about it. I have other cousins and such around somewhere, but none I'd care to look up."
"It's fine."
"You should have people. Connections. In case something happens to me."
"Nothing's going to happen to you."
"You can't say that. Not if the war starts up again."
"I'd rather not think about that right now. Besides, I have my friends at school, and Mr and Mrs Weasley. Plus Remus, even if we're still figuring out what he is besides my teacher. And now Dora. You're the one who needs more connections. What are you going to do all day when I go back to school?"
"I'll find something to keep busy with. Maybe tone down some of the tricks I had planned for that lot," he said with a wave towards the upstairs, "and try them out on Remus instead. He could stand to loosen up a little."
"No, really though."
"Besides worrying myself sick over what sort of trouble you're getting into, probably do more work on the house. I'm also trying to get access to the records of the Death Eater trials. I want to see if anyone else got locked up who might be innocent, but also who was guilty and went free that we need to watch out for."
"That's not quite what I meant."
"I know, but for ten years, all I had was a tiny cell. Now I have the whole world." He held his arms out wide in an expansive gesture, then let them drop back to his sides. "Maybe I'll feel differently some day, but right now, I need space and freedom more than I need a bunch of new connections."
Harry gave him a skeptical look.
"Hey," Sirius said. "I'm the adult here. Any worrying that needs to happen is my responsibility."
"Adulthood? That's the best you've got? You're talking to the savior of the wizarding world over here. I'm responsible for worrying about everyone."
"Nice try."
"You know, it seems like being the Chosen One should have more perks. I can't even use it to win one lousy argument with you."
Sirius snorted. "If you think fame isn't all it's cracked up to be, try infamy sometime."
"Pass."
"Wise choice."
~*~While hiking through the Elbe Sandstone Mountains in Germany one afternoon, having visited the secret magical community in Berlin that morning, they stopped for a rest. As they stood drinking from their water bottles while looking down on the long valley below them, Sirius asked, "How are you enjoying Germany?"
"It's great."
"What's your favorite place we've been to?"
"I don't know. I don't think we've been anywhere that we haven't seen at least one cool thing."
"It could be like this all the time, you know. We don't have to go back."
"I thought I had to stay until August to recharge the wards?"
"I mean we don't have to go back to Britain at all. Ever. Then you wouldn't need a safe place there."
"But… my friends. Hogwarts. Of course I have to go back."
"Other countries have schools. Or Moony and I could teach you. Private lessons are common in some parts of the world."
"All my friends are there. I can't just leave."
"I was afraid you'd say that, but I need you to know you have the option, in case Riddle sneaks into Hogwarts again, or another one of his followers."
"That's why I have to be there. To stop him."
"No, you don't. Dumbledore can take care of Hogwarts. That's not on you."
"What would you have done in my place? Could you have abandoned my dad?"
Sirius fell silent as he took a drink and looked out over the valley. At last he admitted, "Probably not, though he might have been better off if I had. But I can still save you. I can still do that for James and Lily. I can still do one thing right with my life."
"If I ran, Riddle would just use the people I left behind to force me to come back anyway. Tell me I'm wrong."
"You know I can't. But as grateful as I am to your friends for helping to clear my name, and for standing by you these last few years, I'm not responsible for them–just for you. Their parents will have to make their own decisions about their safety, if things start to get bad again."
"Are you going to try to make me leave?"
"No. I doubt I could. You'd find some way back. But the option is there, in case you change your mind."
"Fine. Got it. No thanks."
They resumed walking in silence.
After another mile or so, Harry asked, "Are you going to leave now?"
"Sure, we can go if you want. It is getting kind of hot. Had enough hiking for today?"
"I meant when we get back to the Dursleys. Are you going to leave me there alone because I wouldn't do what you said?"
"Of course not! What did I ever say to make you think that?"
"Nothing. Just how life goes."
"No. Not with me. I don't know what to say to convince you, so I'm not going to try. But I'm sticking with you for the long term, and in time you'll see I mean it."
"I hope so," Harry said, as they continued walking.
~*~One somber note that summer came when Sirius took Harry to visit Godric's Hollow. On this occasion, Remus joined them.
When they got to the graveyard, Remus led them directly to the graves of Harry's parents. Harry felt a flash of resentment that while this was his first visit, Remus had been there often enough to be familiar with the place.
As Harry stood looking down at the graves, he realized what he resented most was that the sadness he felt was so… hypothetical. He was sad for the life he could have had with his parents, but he lacked the memories to grieve for them as actual people. The visit had a solemn weight to it for Sirius and Remus that it never could for him.
They'd discussed visiting the Potter house, but Remus warned them the Ministry had left it in its damaged state as a memorial. Harry decided he didn't need that to be his one memory of the home he could have shared with his parents.
While they stood at the graves, Harry remembered a question that had been nagging at him. "I read that my dad didn't have his wand when he faced Riddle. Do either of you know why?"
Sirius said, "He probably just set it down and couldn't get to it in time." He paused. "Well, it's possible he had something else in mind. No one other than Dumbledore ever stood against Voldemort one-on-one, wand against wand. Not for long, anyway. But James told me one time he had this idea, about what he'd do if he ever found himself in a situation where running wasn't an option."
Harry waited for him to go on, as Remus also listened with interest.
Sirius continued, "Now, when he told me this, we'd both had a fair amount of Firewhisky, so he was maybe half joking and half not. Anyway, he thought if Voldemort saw he didn't have a wand, it would make him overconfident. James figured that might give him a chance to turn into a stag and charge Voldemort and go at him all hooves and teeth and antlers."
Remus mused, "Trying to surprise a more powerful opponent with an unorthodox attack isn't the worst strategy. Assuming you're not able to flee, which should always be your first choice," he added for Harry's benefit.
Sirius gave a sad chuckle. "Surprise. Yeah. James said if nothing else, he'd at least have the satisfaction of seeing the look of astonishment on Voldemort's ugly face. Between the whisky and how wound tight we were in those days, we laughed about that for way too long."
"That does sound like James," Remus agreed, with a faint smile.
Sirius looked at Harry. "I wish I had something more profound to say for this occasion."
"No," Harry told him. "It's good to hear something real. Something about the actual person he was, even if it's not profound enough to carve in stone."
"What do you say we go someplace less gloomy, and Remus and I can tell you more stories about him? About both of them?"
"Yeah. I'd like that."