Total Drama Homespun, Episode 2: Splitting the Vote
...
Welcome back everyone, and thank you for everyone that's reviewed so far. I will in MemeKing fashion be responding to reviews here individual once we start getting a couple per chapter so by all means, let me know what you think of the story so far.
With that out of the way it's about time we decide some teams for this game.
...
...
Chris McLean is seated in front of Rodney's study, his eyes on the audience.
"Last time on Total Drama! New season! New old host! After my absence from Total Drama Endless I'm back! And so is Chef.
Last episode we were introduced to our exotic new season setting, The Rodney House. A strange place out in space that knows how to get a lot of living space out of a tiny universe. We brought the party with twenty-three guests from across reality and then to keep them on their toes, we immediately threw them into their first challenge! The result... kind of disappointing honestly. Turns out no one here appreciates my style of challenge, so we played a bunch of children's games that totally could have been more dangerous. I mean seriously dude? If I can't drop my contestants fifty metres into a pool of piranhas why'd I even come back? Fortunately I've been making sure everyone else is on the same page so that my creative integrity won't be comprised from now on. Which is probably bad news for the contestants."
He chuckles sinisterly.
"Speaking of them! Last challenge ended with us picking to lucky team captains, couple of the future Fry and Leela, as well as two unlucky losers to be first up for elimination. Though it was a close vote between her and Shego, Raggedy Ann was our first contestant to go which... honestly, I'm pretty happy about. Those eyes of hers were creeping me out.
Who will be next to go, find out today on Total Drama Homespun!"
…
Morning has dawned on the first full day of the competition.
"It appears we're being excluded."
Conner O'Gleeson and Princess Peach look up. Rosalina has just sat down next to them.
"What was that Rosalina?" Peach asks.
"The others… they are conspiring without us," Rosalina says pointing her wand.
They look.
The staff are seated in Rodney's lavish dinning room for their first breakfast, The other principal members of the staff, Chris Mclean, Chef Hatchet, Rodney and even Jeremy and Daisy are all seated at the same table, near the tall windows overlooking what appeared to be a dense autumnal forest. Their heads together.
"Whatever could they be talking about?" Peach wonders. Conner grimaces pessimistically.
"I should probably check."
He gets up and walks over to their table. The others stop talking and look up as he approaches.
"You know fellas. Much as I love a good secret, I tend to prefer to be on the inside of one if you catch my drift." Conner says. Chris smiles back pleasantly.
"Don't we all? Unfortunately, this one doesn't concern you."
"Oh really? Why's that?"
"We came up with a great challenge for today but Chris didn't think you'd approve so he wasn't gonna tell you!" Daisy blurts out excitedly.
Chef Hatchet slams a hand over her mouth. Conner raises an eyebrow intrigued and looks to his associate.
"Jeremy sugarbear, is this true?"
Jeremy gurgles guiltily.
"Yeah, it's true," Chris says eyeing Conner smugly. "Oh, and FYI? Rodney, Daisy and your little friend here already gave the green light, so there's nothing you can do about it."
Conner chuckles.
"Gentleman I think there's something of a misunderstanding here. Just because I wasn't as big on the gross public humiliation on my season doesn't mean I'm a Puritan. I like a good crazy challenge once and a while."
"Well, you ain't gonna like this one," Chef tells him.
"I'll be the judge of that." Conner insists. "Lay it on me!"
They give him the details for the day. After they've finished, he stands there in silence for a few moments.
"Huh…" He says finally. He laughs softly to himself. "Honestly I was expecting worse."
"You approve Conner?" Rodney asks.
"Rodney you're the squirrel of the house. If it's got your blessing then I'm all for it." He looks back over his shoulder. "Good luck trying to convince Peachy though."
Chris stands up and cracks his neck.
"Leave that to me."
He struts over to Peach and Rosalina, brimming with his ever-present pride then leans on Peach's chair.
"Princess! Princess Peach! Can we talk real quick? Just the two of us?"
He flashes her a Hollywood grin. She giggles.
"Alright."
"Good."
He puts an arm around her shoulder and escorts her out of her seat and over to the windows with their remarkable views.
"So… Princess. How are you settling in? Being an intern's pretty different than being a contestant isn't it?"
Peach nods. "Oh yes. It's a very big change. I'm very grateful I have my friends and subjects here this time."
"Great! Great…" Chris says. "Course that's not the only different thing this season. You got me back as host again, and my style's… different from Conners."
"Yes I saw yesterday-"
"Yesterday's not my style," Chris says bluntly. "You saw a little of my style back in Endless remember that?"
Peach's smile hesitates however slightly at the memory.
"Yes, it was very… what's the word? Overstimulating." Peach says.
"…But not the worst you've seen right?"
"Oh no."
"Good. Good. Well just to give you a heads up, starting today all these crazy dudes we got this season we'll be going through something like that. Not that they've got anything to worry about because I've already seen forty-nine other groups run through this game, and like you said they've got you and your little mushroom buddies to help out, isn't that right?"
"Right," Peach says smiling again.
"Awesome," Chris says. He pats her on the head then walks back over to the rest of the staff, he smirks broadly at the look of surprise on Conner's face.
"See what I mean? Easy."
Conner shakes his head in disbelief.
"Mclean, you got a talent for talking people into things."
"Uh yeah. Hello? It's my job remember?" Chris asks smugly. He chuckles to himself. "Now what are all we standing around for? Let's get this show rolling already."
…
Elsewhere in the massive guest quarters, several contestants, having awoken from their soft beds and eaten their fair share of their luxurious breakfast are bidding their time in Rodney's pool and spa. Penny, Jack, Miko, and Meg currently frolicking under high ceilings and great marble statues of squirrels and acorns.
Slightly removed from their happy chaos Katara stands ankle-deep in the water, practicing her particular mastery over the element.
Some of the older contestants watch on lazily from their pool chairs. Among them the 31st century couple, Fry and Leela. The two of them lying in a hammock nuzzled affectionally against one another.
Leela sighs happily.
"This is nice."
"Yeah…" Fry agrees, stretching the statement out with a relaxed contentment.
Besides them Shego grunts in agreement. The Villainess lays on her back in a bathing suit and shades, trying to catch some sun coming down from the skylight above.
"I'm kind of hoping those idiots just forget about the contest and leave us in here."
"I'm not," Fry says. "I'm excited to make my own team."
"That's sweet Fry," Leela tells him. "Just… try not to get your hopes up too high."
Her boyfriend looks confused.
"Why not?"
"How do I put this delicately?" Leela asks herself. "My team will be led by me, someone who has years of experience as a captain… and your team will have you."
"Why's that matter?" Fry asks wounded.
Leela gives him a pitiable smile then kisses him on the forehead.
"You're right, it doesn't matter. It's only a game," She reaches out and pinches his check. "What matters is you're going to have fun before you get kicked out."
"Leela you don't understand, I'm going do everything I can to win this thing," Fry insists. "Mainly to impress you, but still-"
"Contestants!"
Chris's voice comes booming from an unseen intercom.
"Meet us in the foyer in ten! It's showtime!"
…
The staff are gathered and waiting for them when they arrive.
"Day two!" Chris says excitedly. "Housemates good to see you. I trust everyone slept well?"
"Like a dream," Katara says.
"AWK! Vultureman's night was most agreeable!" Squawks Vultureman.
"Glad to hear it," Chris says. "I hope everyone enjoyed frolicking around here last night as one big happy family. Unfortunately, though it's time to introduce a little discord into paradise. Fry and Leela! Can I get you dudes to come on over?"
The two walk forward to stand beside him.
"Ready for service! Sir!" Fry shouts, saluting.
"That's what I like to hear!" Chris says. "Now let's get some teams established. We'll do this dodgeball style. Oldest goes first."
"By a factor of a millennium that's Fry," Leela says.
"Fry go ahead and pick your first teammate," Chris says. "But pick wisely, whoever you choose will be your partner in crime for at least half the g-"
"Vultureman!" Fry cries.
"Oh lord…" Leela says.
Vultureman lets out a squawk of importance, then flies over to Fry.
"Excellent choice!"
"Now we get to be friends forever!" Fry exclaims happily.
Vultureman caws cruelly.
"The Great and powerful Vultureman has no friends!"
"Then I'll be your first."
Fry's avian ally bends low and screeches in his face.
"VULTUREMAN HAS NO FRIENDS!"
"Alright already!" Fry cries, cowering.
Chris laughs at him, then turns to Leela.
"Your turn. Pick your first choice."
"Yeah. Pick any of us!" Max says. "Just try not to separate me and Sam alright? I can't stand being apart from the big fella."
"Don't worry Max. We already agreed you and your little uh 'security object' both count as one contestant." Chris says. Frowning disapprovingly at the rabbit and his dog partner he smuggled in.
"That's a relief," Sam says.
Leela meanwhile is still deep in the throngs of contemplation. She rubs her chin as some of the competition vie for her attention.
"This is tough. Let's see…. Bruce people say decent things about you. Want to be on my team?"
"If you want me then alright," Bruce says, slightly surprised. He walks over to join her.
"Dammit!" Fry says. "Now Leela's got two smart people on her team. I need some of those."
In the crowd of contestants, Wallace Wells chuckles and swivels a cosmopolitan. "I think you're fighting an uphill battle."
"Good point." Fry says "Hey you seem smart. Want to me on my team?"
Wallace sips his drink. Considers it for a moment, then shrugs.
"Sure. What's the worst that could happen?"
He and Fry high-five. Leela turns back to the crowd. Again, some of the contestants seem eager to volunteer. Steve Harrington has both thumbs pointed at himself and a look of confidence on his face. Next to him, Miko has her hand in the air and his bouncing up and down.
"Me! Me! Right here! Pick me, dude!"
"How about that Steve kid?" Leela says.
Steve pumps his fist. "Woo! Fourth picked!"
"Dang it!" Miko cries.
"Who next?" Fry asks Wallace.
"I mean the vampire's still on the table."
"I figured we should save him for Leela."
"Listen, buddy. I get she's your girlfriend but this is a competition. Take all the tall strong handsome guys for yourself." Wallace advises sternly.
"But we already have Vultureman."
"Fry it's alright. I don't want the vampire anyway." Leela insists.
"But he's a vampire!" Fry says gesturing at Alucard, who as always was looming rigidly in the back of the crowd.
"Exactly," Leela says with a tone of disgust. "I don't want him hanging around my bedroom while I'm trying to sleep."
"I beg to differ." Says Wallace pleasantly.
"Alright," Fry says hesitantly. "I guess we'll take him."
Alucard grins his fanged grin then unravels into smoke, reappearing behind Fry.
"Come on!" Miko says, her arm still in the air.
Fry does end up picking her in the end, as well as Katara, Guzma, Shego, Meg, Jack and Entrapta.
Leela meanwhile receives, Sam & Max, Gary, Tenpenny, Elizabeth, Olivia, Herlock, Penny, and Zelda.
Chris Mclean claps his hands together.
"Housemates you now have your teams for the season! I hope everyone likes who you're standing with because you are going to be spending a lot of time with them dudes.
Leela, Sam & Max, Gary, Steve, Tenpenny, Elizbeth, Bruce, Zelda, Olivia, Herlock, and Penny, from here until the merge you guys are now officially The Seismic Supertasks!."
Penny, Entrapta, Steve and Herlock cheer.
"Ah that's great name it sure is!" Penny says. "Just one question? What's a supertask?"
"A philosophical mathematic exercise involving the completion of a countably infinite number of actions within a finite set of time." Olivia explains.
"Ah…" Penny says. "Lovely. Thank you." She thinks for a moment. "I still don't get it."
Chris turns to other new team.
Fry, Wallace, Vultureman, Katara, Alucard, Miko, Guzma, Shego, Meg, Entrapta and Jack, your cabin is to the left. I officially dub you guys the Outlandish Ordinals!"
Katara, Miko, Meg and Fry cheer, as do Zelda, Wallace and Jack somewhat more modestly.
"Hey, what's an ordinal?" Fry asks.
"An adjective relating to a type of numerical organization in set theory primarily used to extend a set past a countable infinity." Olivia says.
"Very good. Doctor Octavius." Rodney says beaming up at her.
"Why thank you."
"Now who'd like to see your new cabins?" Chris asks excited.
"Or we could stay here?" Shego says.
"You'd like that wouldn't you?"
"Would I like to stay in the mega-mansion? Surprisingly the answer is yes." Shego says sarcastically.
"I'm sure you'll learn to love your new home just as much." Chris chuckles. "Jeremy! Be a good assistant and open the door out of here?"
"Hey use your own assistant!" Conner shouts.
"Fine. Chef!"
Chef Hatchet grumbles then walks over and yanks open the door.
It's still a shock for the contestants, as they walk through the door that earlier had led them one place only to find it now leads somewhere else entirely. In this instance they find themselves standing in a clearing along a lakeshore, Surrounded by oaks and maples in their autumn hues. Three dingy cabins stand before them.
"It looks like a camp," Jack notes.
"Oh, it's not just any camp contestants," Chris says gleefully. "Although Rodney's taken some liberties. You're standing in a detailed recreation of the original Camp Wawanakwa!"
Peach looks impressed. The Contestants however simply stare at Chris blankly. He frowns.
"Seriously? None of you know anything about this show's history?"
"With no disrespect meant I wasn't aware any of such sort of tournaments existed until I received your invitation," Zelda admits.
"What she said," Tenpenny says.
Some of the others murmur in agreement, Miko meanwhile seems outright distraught, she rushes up to the closest cabin and opens the door, an average summer camp cabin interior full of bunk beds greets her. She slams the door closed and looks accusingly to the staff.
"Dude! You could have given us anything! We could have all had mansions, or castles or custom clubhouses! Why! Why some smelly old cabins without a single outlet?!"
"It was my idea actually," Rodney himself admits. "I wanted to give you all something simple. A place in my home that would be consistent, recognizable. I understand the changing environments can be disorienting and It was my wish to give you all some normalcy."
"And they're ain't no place more down to Earth than Wawanakwa." Chef says.
"We could have handled something stranger," Leela argues.
"We have already seen the weird side of the house," Wallace agrees sipping his cosmopolitan he's had since last night.
Rodney chortles.
"You've barely scratched the surface of my house my dears. This are shallow waters we've dealt with so far, there are stranger, murky depths."
"When do we get do those?" Miko asks suddenly intrigued.
"They're probably for staff only," Daisy says smugly.
"Actually, at the risk of disappointing everyone they're for myself only." Rodney says.
"Awww…" Daisy and Miko chorus. Rodney chortles again.
"I'm afraid I've other experiments that need be given their space. Never the less don't feel restricted, there's more than enough room in the shallow house for our competition, and if you're still disappointed in your cabin then I believe Chris has something of a compromise prepared."
"Bring it in boys!" Chris shouts.
Through the trees appear a dozen toads all driving a large crane. Suspended from its arm is a much more lavish cabin, two stories and pristine, which they promptly drop one of the existing cabins.
"This..." Chris explains. "Is the deluxe cabin, it's got modern amenities, toad butler staff, breakfast buffet, whole nine yards. Every day, winners get to stay there, and the losers in addition to sending someone home have to make due without outlets as Miko puts it."
"Reusing elements from Revenge of the Island and All-Stars…" Conner observes. "Very bold choice McLean. Me personally, I would have given them both a nice cabin, keep them well rested, maybe I'd even let them customize things throughout the season."
"Sounds like another of your bad ideas." Chef grunts.
"It does doesn't it?" Chris agrees. "Now Housemates, anyone like to stay in the nice cabin?"
Most of the cast raises their hand. Chris smirks
"Well let's see who gets first dibs?"
…
They walk back through the door they entered, finding that once again it's changed, leading them now through a long hallway in what looks to be an industrial chicken farm, overfeed birds making a din and ruffling their feathers as they pass.
On the other side there's a large rectangular room, blank, white and sterile, the only furniture some scattered chairs and sofas.
"Ordinals, Supertasks, you follow in the example of over a hundred pre-merge Total Drama teams before you," Chris says. "From the Screaming Gophers and Killer Bass in Island all the way to the Fact Hunters, Shorty Squad and Flower Girls in Endless."
He chuckles. Then turns to Peach.
"Princess, I understand team dynamics were pretty strong in Endless. Got any advice for the newbies?"
Peach nods solemnly and looks to the contestants.
"There were times in our game when everything seemed lost, and we needed to depend on one another. Had we not all been such strong friends by the end I imagine things would have become most unpleasant."
"Nicely put." Chris agrees. He turns his attention back to his cast.
"This challenge will test a lot of you bring to the table as a teammate. Things like your personal endurance and dedication to the game. It may also make you hate everyone on the other team, which would totally make for good television."
"Chris I could never hate the other team." Tenpenny chortles. "Nah, I feel sorry for the ass kicking we Supertasks are about to deliver on these poor mother fuckers."
"You wish old man!" Guzma sneers.
"Yeah Pig!" Meg cries. She gets in Tenpenny's face and begins snorting obnoxiously.
"I don't like that," Tenpenny warns her in a low voice.
Meg suddenly shrinks back. "Sorry!"
Chris laughs merrily.
"Nothing like the sight of new rivalries. Now. Can I get Ordinals on this side, and the Supertasks over there?"
The crowd of contestants splits in half. Chris and his staff taking leave as they do.
For a moment the room is still.
"Now what?" Bruce asks.
A clear divider rises up, trapping the contestants on their respective sides. Chris reappears, this time on a large overhead monitor.
"We made the rules of this challenge nice and easy. There're two exits to this room on either side, last team to stay here wins the deluxe cabin and immunity.
"Great, what's the twist?" Shego demands.
"See that button?" Chris asks, directing their attention to two identical white buttons on each side of the room. "Those are your fun buttons. Hitting those will make something seriously bad happen to your opponents…"
Alucard, Guzma, Shego, Max and Wallace all immediately hit the button.
"…When the button lights up that is!" Chris clarifies with a chuckle. "After a while you're all going to find this place pretty unbearable."
Leela folds her arms confidently. "My team can take it."
"Love that optimism captain, you'll need it." Chris grins. "Good luck!"
...
A few hours go by without anything happening. Leaving the new teams with little to do besides psyching one another up, and psyching their opponents out.
"Well gang, I've got good news," Leela says pacing in front of her team. "Since you all got picked my me instead of Fry, you can confident that all the smart people in this game are on our side."
"You don't have any problem with us going hard on your boyfriends team?" Olivia asks sweetly. Leela smirks.
"I love Fry, but he's hopeless," She leans in and whispers. "It's better to crush his dreams of winning now before he gets invested."
"That can be arranged." Tenpenny says.
"You hear that Ordinals!" Gary calls. "Don't get comfy, because you'll be out of this thing before lunch."
Vultureman shrieks and lunges the clear divider. Gary cried out in horror and dives behind Elizabeth.
The great bird lets out a cackle of superior.
"AWK! The Great and Powerful VULTUREMAN Has never seen such PATHETIC PREY!"
"Be nice Vultureman." Katara scolds.
"They're the enemy," Meg says gesturing to the Supertasks.
"They're the competition, and they're mostly nice people we hung out with all yesterday. I don't want to start acting like a jerk just because of some made up teams." Katara argues.
"This is Reality TV, everyone's a jerk," Wallace says, lounging on a sofa with his eyes closed. "That's why people watch it."
"Not everyone's bad. There's kids here." Katara says.
"Exactly, have you meet children? They're the worse."
He opens an eye lazily and nods to Penny Crayon, who's currently busy making faces at them.
"The awfulness of children aside, Katana's right." Fry says. "We can't be too mean to Leela's team."
"Why because they're led by your girlfriend?" Miko snickers. Fry nods.
"With all due respect captain, back in Team Skull we don't waste time taking pity on the competition." Guzma says gruffly.
Their button lights up. Guzma grins.
"Observe…"
The lights on the Supertasks' side turn green, everyone waits, heavy with anticipation.
The door slides open, in walks Princess Peach carrying a baking tray.
"Who wants Christmas cookies?" She chirps.
The Supertasks crowd around her and take a few each. The Princess waves goodbye, leaves, and the lights return to normal.
The Ordinals stand there stunned.
"What kind of punishment was that!?" Shego demands.
Chris's voice comes crackling over an unseen intercom.
"…Yeah, probably should have mentioned. There's a rare chance when the button lights up you get something nice."
"You didn't tell us this why!?"
"Because it's funny. Oh! By the way, there's also a chance something really bad hits you. Something to look forward to."
The Supertask's button lights up.
"Would you look at that?" Max asks humoured. "Guess it's our turn,"
"Perhaps since we've been given mercy, we could spare the others?" Zelda suggested.
"That'd be generous." Katara agrees from the Ordinals side.
"I dunno, maybe a little generous." Leela says.
"There's no such thing as too generous!" Miko says.
"Please Leela." Fry begs.
He, Miko and Meg all give her the Puppy Dog eyes.
Leela sighs. "Well…"
The button blares. Everyone turns to see Max's hand flat on it.
"Max Little Buddy, why'd ya do it?" Sam asks.
"I just like the attention Sam." Max says.
"Maybe it will be another good one." Entrapta says hopefully.
The lights of the Ordinals side turn red. Mounted cannons emerge from the walls.
"Not a good one," Fry says.
"Definitely not," Jack agrees.
"Hit the deck!" Miko cries.
Ping pong balls begin firing at them in all directions. Miko scampering under a couch, Jack cowering under his book.
Shego grabs Meg and uses the girl as a shield, all the while Alucard stands in the middle of the room, utterly non pulsed by the shenanigans.
After a minute or two the barrage stops, leaving the room littered with little plastic balls.
Fry looks up.
"Is everyone okay!?"
"Feeling good, thanks." Shego says, still holding a now bruise Meg.
"I'm fine," The girl says. She coughs up a ping pong ball.
Their button lights up.
"Ah, shit…" Steve says.
"REVENGE!" Cries Miko and Vultureman at once, both lunging for the button.
The other side lights up red, some of the Ordinal's cheer.
"Brace yourself for something unpleasant." Bruce says.
Herlock laughs.
"Let them try there worse, It will take more than they can afford to dish out to stop the Greatest detective in England. I'll lead us to victory even I have to do it alone."
"Do have some faith in your companions Detective." Elizabeth says. "We've the ability to handle more than it may seem."
The ceiling opens up, tiny squirming black shapes poor from it.
"SCORPIONS!" Steve yells.
The team devolves into panic, Elizabeth makes an odd face, then closes the book she'd borrowed from Jack.
"Farewell everyone."
She walks out the door, only Herlock seems to notice.
"Predicable." He says, flicking a scorpion off his shoulder.
…
Several hours, several lit buttons, and several more rounds of horrible things later the Supertasks are under strain. After the scorpions came the spiders, then a clown, then spider clowns with scorpion tails.
Most of the crawling things were gone now. The big clown had done away with them. How? No one but Max had seen, and he'd said it "Wasn't something Sam'd like me talkin' about with the kid here,"
Speaking of the kid, Penny Crayon was doing well for herself. Peaking out at her team from the large shelter she'd drawn with her magic crayon.
"I swear I don't mind making this big enough for all of us, honest," She offers.
"Nice of you kid but we're doing alright ain't we folks?" Tenpenny says glancing around at the time. Besides Elizabeth they'd only lost Bruce Wayne. Everyone else was present and larging holding together.
"Nothing the fabled Herlock Sholmes can't handle." Herlock assures them.
"We're alright," Zelda agrees quietly.
"We've got this under control," Gary says. "Some of us aren't Pussies like the get along gang over there."
He jeers towards the Ordinals side of the room, where their opponents are taking a different approach. Rather than standing out and exposed amidst hordes of spiders and clowns as a show of dominance, most of the Ordinals had pushed the couches together, stacked chairs and pillows on top of them and seemed to be having a generally good time of things in their fort.
"I told you, there's an upside to being nice to each other." Katara says.
"How you guys holding up!?" Miko calls to the Supertasks.
"Great man! Doing awesome, I could like spend another week doing this." Steve says, trying to ignore the clown dancing behind him.
"Good for you, nice to know we're all having a good time," Entrapta says cheerfully.
The button lights up. Shego slams her fist down on it. She'd been camped out, leaning against the wall next to it for sometime. Ever since their side of the room had been showered with plastic building bricks no one had felt like walking around.
The Supertask's side flashes red, and suddenly heats up, quickly become as hot and humid as a rainforest. Behind Steve, the clown, seemingly affected by the weather lets out a hardy circus shriek and bursts into a cloud of glitter.
Penny's crayon fort sags, then melts into a pool of colour. She clicks her tongue disappointedly.
"Well that's the end of me I suppose. Magic crayon's no with any sort of moisture. Wicked good fortune then it is that you've all good this handled."
"It's cool, you can bail we'll see you when this is over." Steve says distractedly, whipping clown glitter out of his eyes. Penny salutes him.
"Splendid! Well, I'll be off then! Good luck gang!"
"Three down, nine of us to go!" Max says cheerfully.
"We're still doing alright right Captain?" Sam says.
There's no response from Leela.
They group turns and spots her, quietly creeping towards the exit.
"Going somewhere Captain?" Olivia inquires.
"Yeah…" Leela says slowly. "You know since everyone's clearly doing so well for themselves, I don't think I'm needed here,"
"You're abandoning us?" Zelda says surprised.
"What? No! I just lead better from the outside. I can still cheer you on from the sidelines. Make sure no one quits on us."
"You're quitting on us now man!" Steve shouts.
"The hell is this bullshit!?" Gary demands.
Tenpenny clears his throat sharply.
"Gentlemen it ain't your place to question the captain." He says.
Both teens begin to protest. Steve stammers.
"But she-"
"I consider it a badge of honor if the Captain got that much confidence in us that she thinks we can win a challenge without her guidance." Tenpenny says. He gives Leela an odd look. "Course you damn well better be prepared for the consequences if we lose."
Leela folds her arms.
"Thank you for the concern Frank, but it's unnecessary. If we lose I'll be sure to make a merciless example out of whoever's fault it is."
She leaves, Tenpenny watches her go.
"Make that two of us captain."
"What's happening over there?" Fry asks.
"Your girlfriend just bailed on us," Steve says.
"What!? No she didn't!" Cries Fry. "She probably just decided to lead from the sidelines."
"She probably ditched you Suckertasks because of the humidity!" Miko taunts.
"Firstly, this humidity sucks alright?" Steve insists. "Secondly why the hell don't you people have bad weather!? Didn't you get a rainstorm at some point?
"Oh we did, Katara used her water magic to freeze the sprinkles shut though!" Entrapta cries.
The Supertasks button lights up. Steve presses it, he groans at soon as the Ordinals side turns green.
Princess Peach appears in their doorway. Another tray in her hands.
"Time for tea,"
"Oh yes please, thank you," Jack says.
He and the rest of the Ordinals take a cup.
"Wow, working together is kind of making this challenge fun," Meg says.
"I told you guys this was a better idea than trying to intimidate the other team." Katara says. "Shego you should come join us!"
"I'm not partaking in any of your feel good friendship garbage." Shego insists. Katara laughs slightly.
"Guzma said the same thing earlier but he's come around."
"If it gets us that mansion then you better believe Big Bad Guzma will sit through a tea party." Guzma says gruffly, sitting in the pillow fort with the others."
"Tea is lovely by the way thank you princess." Entrapta says snipping the lilac-coloured beverage Peach had handed out.
"The lavender taste is wonderful; I just wish you'd brought a smaller cup."
Fry smacks his lips and makes an odd face.
"Uh what's in this tea anyway?"
"Oh yes…" Peach suddenly looks almost guilty.
"Something from the house some friends of mine discovered during our time here in Endless. I believe Rodney said it had… what was that big word he used? Prosperities vaguely similar to Psilocybin." She seems proud of herself. "Yes, that's exactly what he said."
Wallace suddenly spits out his drink.
"Ah shit…" He says resignedly.
"What's wrong?" Fry asks.
"Nothing that can be helped at this stage." Wallace sighs.
"What'd you mean?" Meg asks.
A second later she bursts into flames. Several people cry out in alarm.
"MEG!?" Katara shouts.
"What!?"
"HOW long have you been a Firebender!!?" Katara demands outraged.
"Apparently five seconds ago, you got a problem with it? You wanna go!?"
"Do I!?"
She transforms into an ice princess as they two of them lift into the air and begin to battle.
"This is for my mother you hot headed jerk!"
"You never appreciated me dad!"
"Guys! Guys! Stop!" Fry cries. He turns to the Princess Peach, only to find in her place two birds fighting inside a gilded cage. Shego has become a green blob of slime and goo. Guzma's and Vultureman are having a breakdance competition. He turns to face the other team and finds monsters gawking at him.
"Who's having a bad time now Philip?" They boom in one voice.
He yelps.
"I think something was wrong with the tea!"
Miko leaps onto the fort, now a pixelated sprite.
"What are you kidding!?" She demands, voice bit crunched. "I've never felt more alive."
Her head swivels 360 degrees as she begins aggressively cheering on Guzma and Vultureman's dance battle.
"What's even happening anymore!? Why's everyone turning into stuff?" Fry demands.
"I should have known they'd pull something like this…" The expanding clump of moss and foliage that used to be Wallace laments.
A loud bark draws his attention. He finds Jack behind him.
"Jack!? You're a seal now?"
"Second time as a seal actually," Seal Jack informs him. "I've never noticed how tasty you look captain,"
"What would you say that? What do you think I am? A salmon?"
Fry looks down at himself and find he is now, in fact, a salmon.
"AAGH!"
He looks up at Jack drooling down at him hungrily.
"AGGGGH!"
"Don't eat him!" A pile of hair that vaguely resembles Entrapta demands. Seal Jack looks offended.
"Why!"
"Because I'm eating both of you! Aaaaaaaa!"
Large strains of hair unfurl and pull him and Fry towards a gaping maw.
"Even being eaten I'm still going to eat you!" Jack shouts. He bites into Fry's belly. Fry howls.
…
"What the fuck is happening to those kids?" Tenpenny asks, staring across the divider.
The Supertasks watch as Fry, pupils dilated and staring into space shouts at nothing. One of his arms extended. Jack hangs from it by his mouth, gnawing on Fry's jacket. Entrapta meanwhile curled around her captain's leg, gumming his jeans.
Behind them Vultureman lays face down on the ground, Guzma dancing aggressively over him and Miko cheers fanatically. Meg and Katara face away from each other, waving their hands about and speaking in a little voice.
"Woosh, woosh… fireball attack."
"I'll get ya. I'll quench ya, Nothing's quenchier! I'm's the quenchiest!"
"Are they quite alright?" Zelda says.
"They'll be okay," Peach assures her.
…
It's quite sometime before the Ordinals return from fantasy land. When Fry does, he finds his head spinning.
The room is a mess, piles of garbage everywhere about drenched in cold rain and yellow haze. The others lay around him, the scene overall looks like the aftermath of a really bad party, or a really good one, depending on what you'd call a good time.
"God what happened? You guys still alive? Groan once for yes, two times for no."
This team lets out a prolonged groan. Fry listens for a moment then smiles.
"Okay good."
"Welcome back to the land of the living Ordinals!" Tenpenny says cheerfully. "Hope you folks had a nice trip, sure as hell looked like fun."
He and the other Supertasks seem to be in good spirits. Their side of the room still dreary but now much better off than the state the Ordinals are in.
"What happened to our room?" Meg says a gasp.
"Vultureman has reason to believe our opponents keep pressing their button while we were high." Warbles the great bird from the floor. A lampshade over his head. 'Dancing Queen' written across his chest in sharpie.
"Who us?" Tenpenny asks innocently. "Nah… I mean I know I didn't. Did you Gary?"
"Me officer? Take advantage of much of tripped out idiots? I'd never!" Cries the teen. He smirks. "That was all on Max."
"I'm a simple guy. I see a shiny thing, I press it," Max admits with a toothy grin.
"Oh and hey that reminds me while we on topic! Why did we get green lights for a bad role!?" Shego shouts up at the ceiling.
The intercom crackles to life they hear Chris laughing.
"Yeah… remember those really bad roles I teased? They also light up green like the good roles do."
"WHY!?"
"Because it amuses me greatly,"
Shego grits her teeth. Her fists surge with green energy
"Come down here and say that to my face!"
The Supertasks button lights up. Max gleefully presses it.
The lights of the Ordinals side go red and all of them are zapped with electricity.
Chris laughs even louder.
"YOU DID THAT ON PURPOSE!" Shego roars.
"I told you the buttons light up randomly. It's out of my control."
"Can I press it next time Chris?"
"Not so close to the mic Daisy they'll hear you."
"Wait, can they? HI GUYS! It's me Daisy!"
The intercom goes dead. Leaving Shego fuming.
A soft chuckle draws her attention behind her. She and the rest of the team find Alucard there, grinning.
"How delighting pathetic."
"Where have you been this whole-time man!?" Miko demands. "And what's with the robe?"
Alucard is dressed in a fluffy white bathrobe with his long black hair up in a towel. In place of his usual opaque sunglasses there's a pair of cucumber slices over his eyes.
"This challenge was proving much to easy so I quit several hours ago. In the meantime, I've been enjoying our esteemed host's private spa."
"Someone let you back in the staff quarters?" Wallace asks.
"Of course." Alucard says. "Everyone who's quits the challenge early is free to enjoy themselves there." His grin broadens. "Though our host did mention this will be the last time we'll likely be granted that privilege."
Fry laughs.
"Big deal. I bet you the others guys are going to be really tempted by that. Fortunately no team of Philip J Fry's so easily won over,"
The Ordinals glance at once another, then most of them make for the door.
"Guy! Wait!" Fry cries.
"Sorry captain!" Miko says. "But I could use a gaming session right now."
"I can't afford to let these books get wet," Jack says apologetically.
"You got this captain, we'll see you when this is over." Wallace says saluting.
He closes the door, Fry's left in a nearly empty room.
He sighs.
"Don't worry Captain, you've still got us."
He turns. Katara and Meg are still standing by his side.
"Don't you guys want to hang out at the spa too?" He asks.
"Winning this challenge is more important." Katara says.
"And I'm used to suffering." Says Meg.
Fry beams at them.
…
The chance for more time in the staff chambers proves a great temptation for the Supertasks as well. Most of them begin trickling out one my one, Herlock Sholmes seemingly encouraging them. The detective has planted himself down cross legged in front of the divider, staring down the Ordinals.
"This Detective guy seems like he's going to be tough to crack," Katara admits.
"Don't worry, I'll outlast him." Fry says.
"No you shan't!" Herlock calls.
"Yes I shan!" Fry retorts. "Doing dumb, lazy stuff like this is my speciality. I spent two weeks on my sofa, didn't move once, not even after the repo man came and brought it to the dump."
"Yeah! You see this guy!?" Taunts Meg. "Our captain has this! Yours quit on you the second it got hard!"
"Shut up about my girlfriend,"
"Sorry,"
Katara smiles at Fry. "You two seem pretty close?"
"More than close, she's the only person I love!" Fry says earnestly.
"What about your family?" Katara asks.
Fry grimaces.
"You got a rough home life too captain?" Meg asks.
"No my family's alright… Or they were… I got frozen in a tube New Year's Eve 1999. When I woke up it was New Year's Eve 2999, and… well of course people don't live a thousand years so…"
"Fry…" Katara says sympathetic. The captain gives her a bracing grin.
"Hey it's alright. It's just… You never stop missing them."
Katara nods. "My friend Aang would know how you feel. He was frozen in an iceberg for a hundred years. He had to deal with a lot when he thawed out." She looks aside. "Of course… he's the Avatar to, that didn't help."
"I'll say." Fry agrees, obliviously. Katara looks down.
"My brother Sokka and I, we lost our mom during the war."
"I'm sorry to hear that," Fry says.
"Sometimes, my mom says she wishes I was dead." Meg says cheerfully.
Fry and Katara stare at her silently for a minute.
"The nice thing about this house…" Katara says. "Is that no matter who we lost or what things are like outside, this is great chance to start over. Make new friends, maybe even find someone you cares about you."
On the other side of the divider Herlock's attention on the challenge is momentarily broken by a light sniffling to his right. He turns to find his only other teammate still in the challenge Princess Zelda. Tears welling up in her eyes as she watches the Ordinals.
"Are quite alright my dear?"
"Yes, fine." She pleads, wiping her eyes. "The weather of this room is affecting me."
"Ah…" Herlock says slowly. "If you've had enough my good lady, they're no shame in bowing out."
"What?" She looks surprised. "I couldn't do that, our team, all their faith is in us. If I abandon you in your time of need…"
"Ha! That's nothing for you to be concerned with!"
"But…"
"Have faith you're highness I assure you everything is as it should be. With my genius intellect It's mercilessly easy to follow the marvellously long-term Machiavellian maneuvering of our dear captain ever seen she left us! Ultimately it will all come down to me!"
"But I could be of assistant,"
"Assistant!? HA! Do you not trust the plans I've foreseen? Do you doubt the will of the captain!? Are you not loyal to the team!"
"I am!" Squeaked Zelda fretfully.
"Then go! Tend to yourself dear Princess! Leave me to my mission!"
"Thank you, detective,"
The Princess darted away nervously.
"They're down to one guy!" Meg says excitedly.
Fry looks thoughtful.
"You girls want to go enjoy the spa for a while? I'll take of this."
"We didn't get this far just to give up on you now." Katara says with a little laugh.
"Ladies as your captain, I order you, leave this to me!" Fry declares pompously.
"We're staying," Katara says.
"Come on please!" Fry says dropping the formalities. "You guys have helped a lot but I can do this I know I can."
The two girls' glance at each other torn.
"Are you sure about this?"
"Probably." Fry says. "Don't worry about me. Go have fun."
The girls hesitate for a moment, then turn towards the door. As they do Meg turns around.
"You're a great captain Fry."
…
Sometime later back at her chair at the staff pool Leela awakens from a nap feeling well rested.
"Lord I needed that."
"No kidding," Max says from the chair next to hers. "Little R&R after a long day of messing with those kids really does a Lagomorph good, I tell ya,"
Leela looks around, and blinks her single eye several times, the room's much more crowded than it was when she fell asleep.
"How come everyone's here? What happened to the challenge?"
"Came down to your idiot boyfriend and your idiot detective in the end," Shego says.
"Of course," Leela says rolling her eye. "Who won?"
"What do you mean won?"
…
"How's he still doing it?" Penny asks incredulously.
"I believe the detective mentioned having exceptional constitution." Elizabeth notes.
Both Herlock and Fry are in the same spot they've been sitting in the past six hours. Staring across the divider at each other silently. The rooms around them long devolved into wet, dark and miserable hellholes. Most of their teammates have returned to gawk in awe from the observation room.
"I thought he was just crazy." Gary says.
"Straight up, you'll call me a jerk for saying it but they're both too stupid for this challenge," Steve says. "We're watching an unstoppable moron meet an unmovable dumbass."
Some of the staff have made an in person appearance as well, equally mesmerized.
"They haven't hit their buttons in ages." Chef says. "We hit 'em with a bunch more punishments but it did nothing."
"These guys are tough!" Daisy says.
Jeremy gives a gurgling lament.
Elsewhere in the room. Bruce Wayne glances over at Leela. Their team captain looking nervous.
"Everything alright?"
"Who me?" She asks. "I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?"
She's not looking at Herlock, but past him at the other side of the divider.
"Worried your little boyfriend's going to let himself die of exposure trying to prove a point?" Olivia asks.
"Of course not!" Leela says. "Fry's not that stupid."
She then reflects on the statement, then groans.
The Ordinals spirits are higher, a crowd of several of them have gathered.
"How you doing captain?" Wallace asks.
"Wet, tired and my nose itches again." Fry reports without gusto.
"You can do this!" Katara insists.
"Yeah man! Win us the good cabin! You got this!" Miko cries. "Fry! Fry! Fry!"
The others join in the chant. Fry smiles feebly.
Across from him Herlock's eyes narrow.
"Ms Tauranga I require your ear!" He proclaims suddenly.
"You better not be quitting!" Leela says.
"Answer me this do what lengths does your relationship extend with my opponent?"
Leela looks very taken aback.
"That's none of your business."
"I see. Tell me then for how long you've been in each others company?"
"Over ten years."
"…and the man is obsessed with you would you say? Would do anything for your favour?"
"It can be a little annoying at times but yes."
"Is that feeling that level of endearment mutual?"
"No! I mean… That's um…"
Herlock sighs then rises to his feet.
"Damnation. Very well then. Stop the competition, for reasons outside of my control we have been bested."
"WHAT!?" Cries Leela.
"You heard the man!" Chris shouts. Having materialized behind her. "Ordinals win immunity!"
The barrier disappears. Fry looks confused.
"What's happening!? Did I win!?"
He doesn't have much chance to get anything else in. Most of his team has just rushed back into the cell and have tackled him into a group embrace, all of them laughing and cheering despite the dirt and rain.
The Supertasks by very sharp contrast look immensely sour.
"What made you do it?" Sam asks Herlock.
"Yeah. What happened to the Machiavellian machinations you were all hot and bothered about earlier?" Max says. "You screw up and make a bad call or something?"
"Or course not my dear Lagomorph." The detective says ringing out his soaked hunter's cap. "The writing was on the wall. A lack of sufficient contexts made me overestimate our good captains' willpower. Truth was it was already over before she left, Caesar had already crossed the Rubicon so to speak and all that was left to do was mourn the Republic."
"How so?" Bruce asks.
"My enemy was a fool and adores our captain. However, our captain too is deeply infatuated with the man and love as they say my comrade makes fools of us all.
He would have stayed out there perhaps indefinably but her resolve to see him in harm's way was far weaker. It was only a matter of time before our own captain would have ordered my withdrawal. A highly disagreeable scenario. The only play of action remaining to me to preserve my dignity was to forfeit myself."
He smiles ruefully.
"It seems the reality of this place was out of sorts with my deduction. Beginner's luck! I'll be keeping a closer eye on you all from now on so that it may never happen again."
"So now you think you're allowed to be a creep as well?" Leela asks.
Her team member's stare at her.
"What?" She asks defensively. "You heard the him. He admits it's his fault we lost."
"Actually, I think he's suggesting that this is your fault." Says Olivia smiling.
"Is not!" Leela cries.
"Well, it's somebodies." Chris says cheerfully. "Because I hate to break it to you guys, but you totally lost, which means you'll be sleeping in your cabin tonight without any improvements."
"We got that part, thanks man." Steve says.
"There is a bright side though." Chris says unhelpfully. "One of you won't be around long enough to enjoy your cabin." He laughs. "Supertasks I'll see you tonight."
He walks away leaving a palpable tension in the air.
"Great. Why'd you have to leave us captain?" Penny asks.
"You're the one with the magic crayon, why'd you leave?" Leela counters.
The team seems to be on the verge of an argument. Tenpenny interjects.
"Alright now. Settle your asses down. It's abundantly clear that some people fucked us over today. Someone who said one thing then went back on it. However, I'm sure if they own up to their shit and apologize or some bullshit they might be given a second chance."
"Thank you Tenpenny." Leela says. "Herlock you heard the man."
The others give her a dark look.
…
The warm cozy sitting room eliminations are held in feels all the more spacious now that they're half the people in it as they was yesterday.
The Supertasks sit in their arm chairs by the fire, waiting.
Chris Mclean enters the room with the other staff. Theirs a predatory look in his dark eyes as he sets his sight on the contestants.
"Supertasks…" He begins.
"You dudes have the dubious honour of first team elimination ceremony. Unlike yesterday no one among you is immunity. The results were very interesting I must say."
"How so?" Entrapta asks.
Chris grins smugly.
"I could elaborate, but I'd much rather show you…"
Peach appears with a tray of cookies, she hands them to Chris.
"When I call your name and throw you a cookie it means your safe. The houseguest that does not receive a cookie must leave the Rodney House immediately, and not come back.
The following people are safe."
He begins to hand out baked goods.
"Penny…
Tenpenny…
Sam & Max…
Olivia…
Zelda…
Elizabeth…
Bruce…
Steve…
Gary…"
Each of them receives their treat.
Chris casts his gaze on the two contestants yet to receive anything.
"So. The two people with the most votes are the person that lasted the longest in the day's challenge, and the Team Captain. Like I said, very interesting.
Herlock! You're here because you decided to up and quit abruptly after like eleven hours. Thereby wasting everyone's time. Leela! You're here because according to Herlock, you were the one that made the team destine to lose. Mostly by not being a great captain."
Leela rolls her singular eye.
Chris raises a finger dramatically.
"Person going home is…
…
…
…
…
"Leela!"
"NO!" Leela cries. "That can't be right!" She turns to her team dejectedly. "I was really that bad?"
"It hurts but it's the truth." Max says matter of factly.
Leela gapes at them in horror.
"I can't believe it… Someone must have rigged the vote… I… I refuse to leave!"
"Princess I think we need you subjects again." Chris says pleasantly.
"Very well." Peach says.
She whistles. Two dozen toads emerge. The sweep Leela off her feet and begin carrying her towards the EXIT door.
"Wait!" She says desperately. "Can't I say goodbye to Fry?"
"Let me think about it…" Chris says.
The toads hoist Leela up and toss her out the door. Chris shrugs.
"…Oh well. Too late."
Above them the light on Leela's portrait goes dark. Chris chuckles stratified then turned to the audience.
"And that…"
…
Back in Rodney's study. Conner watches the scene unfold on the display before him. He presses mute and turns to the audience.
"…And that is where we leave off for today." He chuckles. "Also yes, I'm still stealing the outros and will continue doing so untilled I'm physically stopped.
However while our cozy time together here is still free of McLean's influence he's won himself an tactical win today on the battle to control the challenges. Though admittedly I and everyone else on the staff are more willing to entertain his ideas when they don't involve killer sea life. As far as Chris standards go today was relatively sane. If things keep up this way maybe we won't have a problem. However knowing him I doubt it.
Anyway join us again next time to find out what Me, that old bastard Mclean, his two new virgin teams and the rest of us get up to, right here on Total Drama Homespun!"