Chapter 28: False positive

"The only thing that spreads faster than the disease is gossip."

- Grey's Anatomy

Pregnant! He won't deny that he's dreamed of hearing that word. He already imagined himself to be a father, but he really didn't expect it to be in these circumstances.

Since the army, Jay was determined not to be a father. He didn't think it was fair for him to have a family, at least not until Lindsay came into his life and changed everything.

He always imagined that they would be parents, they would be better than their parents were for them. He saw this life with Erin. Since when they were together the first time after she showed up in her apartment after she went to the FBI, the next morning, he woke up with her half-naked sleeping in his arms and he imagined everything, the marriage proposal with his mother's ring, their wedding, the babies equal to them and he saw retirement in Wisconsin, because she was the right girl. He was sure.

Life had a terrible taste of playing with him. It wasn't funny the situations he went through. Far from it, actually.

Here was Hailey, holding a blue and white object that he didn't see right what was written, but she already said. Pregnant. She's pregnant.

- Jay...

He takes the toothpick from her hand. "Pregnant 3+" is what is written. She's pregnant, she was there on that test.

- Let's be parents. - She smiles at him and approaches to hug him.

- How? We... we don't... it's... it's been a long time since... Hailey, we protect ourselves.

- I know. I'm also confused, but that explains everything. The nausea, the nausea, the stress. Our baby is growing inside me.

Our baby. Why don't those words make you happy? He knows why. He just left Erin's house. Leaving the house he had the dazzle of secretly seeing Lindsay singing to Charlotte and he deeply wished to be part of it. I wish their baby was there with them. May Charlotte be theirs. He did not expect to be the father of any child whose mother did not carry the name of Erin Lindsay, but here was life creeping into him.

- Aren't you happy? - Hailey asks confused.

- We didn't plan that, Hailey. We protect ourselves. How did that happen? - he didn't think she had betrayed him, but he was confused. They never had sex without protection and it had been a long time since they had relations. Months!

- Really, we weren't ready, but life sent us as a gift. You won't need to play house with Charlotte anymore. You will have your own baby. Our baby...

- Hailey... - Jay starts by not liking how she talked about playing house. - I don't want you to talk about Charlotte like that.

- I'm not lying. - She approaches him. - I realized how it affected you after finding out about Lindsay's pregnancy. I realized how you wanted a son and I think that's just a sign. A good sign. You're going to be a father Jay. You're going to have your own baby and I didn't want to hide it from you. I wouldn't take that part away from you.

- You don't know what you're talking about. - He gets angry.

- No? Erin lied to you, didn't even let you suffer the loss of your baby and after years throws the bomb on your lap. What did she want you to do with the information of a pregnancy that didn't succeed? Tell me, Jay.

- We weren't well, we made mistakes and...

- You and I are not well and here we are. I'm telling you. Telling you the truth because I would never hide our baby. Erin uses her daughter to have you around, but I think it's torture to imagine that your baby would be that age today. You are always with them, always at their house and the fact that I am pregnant only proves how much you needed a child of yours. From your own baby Jay. Let's see him or her born, his first words and his first steps. We will have it completely and not just the feeling of what it could have been.

- How is that possible? We haven't been together for months and...

- 4 months, here it says I'm more than three weeks old, but I didn't sleep with anyone after we broke up, Jay. I think it's normal for women to take a long time to find out, but look on the bright side, you're going to be a father. I know you wanted it.

She didn't understand, he wanted to be a father, not like that, but he wouldn't say that to her.

- We have to go to the hospital, if you're four months old or something we've lost a lot, we need to know if he's okay. - Jay says and she nods.

He's lost in thoughts, what do you mean she's been pregnant for so long and doesn't know? And she was treated at the hospital after the accident, what do you mean they didn't say anything? He thinks, but she was right, some people discover the pregnancy late and when she suffered the accident they would have no reason to suspect a pregnancy, right?

- Can we go tomorrow? It's already late and I'm tired. We'll take a long time if we go now. - Actually she didn't want to go because she felt he wasn't happy and she didn't want that energy from him for her and the baby. The next day, he would probably feel better with the feeling that he would be a father. She would have her own baby and then she could even try to get closer to him.

Hailey doesn't think her baby would hold a relationship with Jay, but in fact she just wanted a chance, a chance to prove that they would work. So that was the chance and she would grab it.

Actually, Jay wanted to go at that moment. I wanted to know if the baby was okay and know how it was possible, what they didn't see, but he knew that lately he wasn't being that good for Hailey and he won't deny that this confession took him by surprise. Not that he was sad about the news, but he wasn't happy either. He felt guilty for not having to leave Erin's house. To always think about their "what if", but here was Hailey offering something he wanted, right?

He decided to accept it for the simple fact that he wanted to support Hailey and not distrust her, he didn't want to be that kind of guy. He doesn't think she would have reason to lie to him, invent a fake pregnancy or sleep with another guy and say it was his, so he agreed to go the next day after work so that he would have time to think and be calmer about everything.

He deluded himself into thinking he would sleep and rest, but in reality his mind was in turmoil.

Erin sent a message saying that she was going to take Charlotte to see Voight before daycare, he even mentally thanked her, as he didn't know how he would act after everything he went through the night before.

Jay kept quiet when he got to the bullpen. He had processed the situation better and as much as he didn't want to distrust Hailey, he decided he would check with the doctor before taking any action.

- Good morning... - Hailey smiles at him as soon as she finds him in the break room.

-Morning.-She smiles gently, but really without humor. He fills her cup with coffee and gets her a cup, but then stops. - I don't think you can drink coffee during pregnancy, right? - he questions without being very sure.

- I don't think so, let's avoid it until we hear from the doctor tonight, I've already made an appointment, okay? - Jay doesn't respond verbally, just nods and heads to leave the room.

- I think you can visit him now, he's less grumpy. - Jay and Hailey listen to Erin and watch the team laugh.

- I think it's better for us all to go together, so we can visit him at once without him being uncomfortable. - thinks Kim.

- It's probably for the best. - everyone agrees, they know that Voight probably didn't even want them there, but like it or not he would receive a visit from his team.

Jay freezes, if everyone went together, they would soon find out about Hailey's pregnancy, but then soon afterwards he thinks that one way or another everyone would know, it would become clear as the months went by, but he knows the reason for his despair.

-Hi...-Lindsay smiles at him when he stops next to her and Hailey walks past them to sit at her table and says a quick good morning to her.

- Hi... - he smiles at her and she notices that he looks strange.

- I think you still have some glitter on your eyelids. - he provokes and manages a smile.

- Haha

- Today she was ordering her pancakes, you created a monster. - he says smiling.

- What can I do if I am an excellent cook? - teases back. As they were closer to the office door, their conversation could barely be heard, but they decided to interrupt.

- Touché. - Erin smiles and enters the office and Jay sits down. His desk facing Hailey and hers with the view of Lindsay's office.

The day went smoothly at first, without many worries, but as a few days ago in the middle of the afternoon they got a case and had to work overtime, Hailey postponed the appointment for an hour.

- I'll go get her. - Jay warns Erin when he notices her worried about the time.

- It's okay, I'll look for her. - Erin gets up. She didn't want to go overboard with Jay, even though she felt like he wouldn't mind.

- He is sure? I'm not bothered. -she says with a feeling that it was as if she knew and now she was pushing him away, but it was all in his head, he knew she didn't know.

- Yes, but don't worry, I'll bring her here. I hope the case doesn't take too long. - she says taking her keys.

Jay was going to say that if it got late it wouldn't be a problem for him to stay late with Charlotte, but he knew he would have to inform her that it would have to be after he accompanied Hailey to an appointment and he didn't want to say so. Not now, not before you know.

Excited to be in the bullpen Charlotte smiles as she greets everyone. These few days a week she seemed more comfortable with the team and Erin was happy to see her comfortable.

- Jay... - jumping, she hugs him.

- Hi little one. -He puts her on her legs.

- Today was show and tell day, I took Mr. Purple pig. - she says showing the plush he gave her. - I told her that you gave it to me as a gift, that I love her just like I love Mrs. Bee. And I told you that you dance with me just like mom. - counts a little loudly with the team's attention.

- Do you dance, like Erin? - Ruzek speaks with a smile on his face and looks at Atwater, his accomplice.

- Yes, he dances Rapunzel with me. - Charlotte says proudly and her friends laugh. Erin freezes with the information given by her daughter and Hailey pays even more attention to every word said by the child.

- I would pay to see that. -Kevin says laughing after the girl says that she made Jay beautiful like a princess.

- I have a video. - as in the past, Erin's shock wore off and she decided to join in the fun by mocking her ex-partner while everyone laughed at the video, but besides that, they also thought it was cute. Kev and Adam didn't think much of it, but the look Kim gave her friend said she wanted another girls' night out. Hailey didn't say anything, just watched.

Half an hour passed and they continued working while Charlie was in the break room playing.

- What is it? - Jay asks when Hailey faces him.

- You'll be an excellent father. - Smile at him. - I hope you're a girl, so you'll be able to do all these things with our baby. - Smile at him.

Jay feels uncomfortable with the way she talks about our baby, how she wants him to do everything he does with Charlotte, as if it were a replacement. Jay is bothered because he doesn't use Charlotte as a replacement for the baby he could have with Erin. And as much as he has a daughter, he wouldn't throw Charlotte to the corner. He promised that he would help Erin as much as he could. And that wouldn't change, but he wouldn't mistreat his baby with Hailey either. He would create the memories with the baby, but without having to replace it or anything like that.

- I'll get a coffee. - He doesn't answer and just gets up. Actually, he didn't even want coffee, he wanted to see Charlotte.

Hailey took advantage of the moment he leaves to go talk to Erin.

- Hey... - Hailey interrupts Erin who was on her cell phone getting new information about the case they were dealing with.

- Hi... - Erin says as soon as she hangs up the call. She gets up, ready to let you know what she has, but Hailey continues.

- I have an appointment in a little while, I need to go...

- Is everything okay? - Erin looks at her from top to bottom and her look shows a little concern.

- Yes, it is. It's just a doctor's appointment.

- We were going to enter the field now, I have an address, but you who knows.

- Yeah... - Hailey knows that Jay will be angry as soon as she finds out, but she doesn't want Erin to think that she's missing the case just for a doctor's appointment. - I think I'd better just keep the table service for now.

- Hailey, is everything really okay? - Erin approaches her worried now. She was weird during that time, so she might have a problem.

- Yes, I think it is... it's just that... - Hailey raises her head and stares at her. She may be selfish now, but she can't miss it, the pleasure of saying that she got pregnant with Jay, that she will be the mother of his baby and not Erin. She knows she shouldn't think that, but she felt threatened by Erin from the beginning and that would be a point for Hailey, right? - I'm pregnant...

It seemed that Hailey always had a bomb about to explode since Erin came back.

- You are... - Erin can barely speak.

- Yes, I found out yesterday. Jay and I are going to the hospital to see if everything is okay with our baby.

A stab would hurt less, Hailey's words were like a discharge of memories. Pregnancy, consultation, hospital, colic, blood, loss...

- Erin...

- All right. You can go, I'll let the staff know and ask for a patrolman. - Erin comes back to herself, she needed to focus on the case. That's what she needed now. Work.

- Is everything okay? - asks Hailey knowing that her words affected her.

- Of course. Go, that's more important. - she tried to smile, but he didn't leave and that was it, Hailey turns around and leaves the room. A slight smile in the corner of her mouth as Erin leaves as if she had seen a ghost.

- Guys, we have an address, I'll check with Trudy to get some reinforcements and let's go, okay?

- Reinforcements? Is it that serious? - Burgess asks while everyone gets up to get ready.

- No, but Jay and Hailey won't be able to go, so we'll be embezzled. - She warns. Everyone looks strangely at Hailey and Erin, but no one took the first step to asking and the look goes to Jay as soon as he leaves the rest room.

- She slept. - he warns Erin and notices everyone's looks. - Is everything okay? - worried question.

- Yes. - Erin responds quickly. - Thank you. - Erin worries about how she's going to leave her daughter there. There's no one to look at her, she really needs a babysitter. Reality fell on her. She was very innocent to think that Jay would be helping forever. Now he would be a father, the father of his own son. My God, because she was thinking like that. She takes a deep breath and throws these thoughts into the back of her mind. - Let's get dressed and we're already out. - She warns the team passing Jay and Hailey heading towards Trudy.

- What happened? - he asks his partner strangely Erin's behavior.

- Nothing, let's go to the appointment. - The blonde warns her by going to pick up her things.

- Is everything okay with you? - Burgess can't stand it and asks, his gaze directed at Jay.

- Yes, what happened here? - he asks lost. Everyone says everything is fine, but it seems that nothing is fine.

- We have a place. Erin must have gone to ask for reinforcements for the patrolmen.

- Why? - he asks the same question as Kim moments before.

- We have our appointment, did you forget? - She talks and everyone watches. Jay quickly stares at her.

- Consultation? - Ruzek asks.

- I'm pregnant. We're going to see if the baby is okay. - Hailey says at once. She knew that one day everyone would have to find out and it was already getting weird.

Everyone freezes and faces both of them. Jay was rooted in the place, he didn't imagine that she would just throw it in the bullpen without first talking to him.

- Congratulations. - It came out more like a question, but it was enough for the other three to get out of the trance and react. They congratulate and hug, without many questions when they realize that the situation was not so good.

- Well, we've already postponed too much time, I think we'd better go. - Hailey tells Jay that it's just going down the stairs.

The ride in the car was silent for the first few minutes. Jay was furious, surprised and angry. She simply informed everyone without talking to him first.

- You shouldn't have spoken that way. - he says when he feels like he won't raise his voice to her.

- Why not? One day their belly would grow and they would find out.

- Yes, but I would prefer if we went to the hospital to confirm it first. - he says and she looks at him.

- Do you think I'm lying? -she says offended. - I expected that from anyone but you. - Involuntary tears begin to fall.

- I didn't say that, but it could have been a false positive. It's been more than four months Hailey, don't you think you would have noticed something by now?

- No, because for the last four months I have been living under stress. So much happened that I wasn't paying attention to myself. It could happen Jay! -she says a little more irritated than she wanted.

- I'm not saying it's not real. I'm saying it was better to confirm before saying anything.

- When it comes back positive, will you give me a DNA test too? - she says irritated.

- Hailey...

- Or do you not want to take care of your own child? I haven't slept with anyone else Jay, I'm not that kind of woman and it surprises me that you don't trust me. I expected more from you.

- I'm not saying I'm leaving, much less do I think you betrayed me! - responds quickly and without giving her space to speak. - I'm saying it could be a false positive and if it's not, I'm going to take care of my son! I'm not going to run away or ask you for a DNA test! But if you continue with this attitude I will distrust you. I don't understand why you're so defensive. You're putting words in my mouth and I won't admit that. - he says and looks at her seriously.

Silence returns to the car and she wipes away her tears and waits to recover to continue.

- I'm scared, I'm scared damn it! Everything happened in a whirlwind. Do you think I was hoping to get pregnant? I'm in a lot more trouble than you Jay! I'm going through a lot. And I'm scared because you live with Erin, you live with Charlotte. I know you wanted them to be your family. That Charlotte was your daughter, that Erin hadn't lost the baby, and I'm doing my best not to fight with you and throw this in your face, but I'm exhausted. Since she appeared you have changed, you have abandoned me!

- I am not...

-She abandoned it. He broke up with me and since then everything you do is for them. You play house and now that I'm pregnant I wonder if you won't leave me alone. If you're going to raise Charlotte as your daughter but abandon our baby. And yes, I want it to be a girl, because if it's a boy the chance of you abandoning us increases even more. I could be arrested, I could lose my job. I'm going to be pregnant and alone. I'm fucking scared.

- I'm not going anywhere. I will not leave you or our son.

- That's what everyone says...

- I'm not going with you to the appointment?

- Just because you think I'm lying.

- This is not true. - he is offended.

- It's okay, Jay. I am tired. - She turns her face to the glass and doesn't want to speak anymore and ignores his words, until he gives up and the path to the hospital returns to silence.

The room seemed colder than it really was, the lights brighter, the discomfort greater. It was a strange feeling, because they were supposed to be happy, it was a life they were about to put into the world.

- Goodnight. I'm Dr. Maddie. - the woman smiles at them.

The conversation in the office takes about 15 minutes. Hailey explains all of her symptoms, how long she thought she had been, and that her test had come back positive.

- Yes, it is not as uncommon as it seems for mothers to discover their pregnancy late, but we need to do tests to see if everything is ok with the fetus, if there is any problem. Did your menstrual flow come back normally?

- Not really... - Hailey begins. - but I just figured it was just stress.

- I understand. Look, we have two types of exams that we do. Qualitative and quantitative beta HCG. The qualitative test comes out in 1 hour or so and generally only confirms whether the person is really pregnant or not, the quantitative test takes 1 to 3 days and stipulates the time. I'm going to ask for the quantity so we can see how long the gestation is, but as you said it's 4 months, I'd like to do an ultrasound, is that ok? - the doctor asks and Hailey nods.

The doctor guides Hailey to the stretcher and a nurse arrives.

- First, let's collect your blood and send it to the laboratory at once, okay?

After the collection, Hailey lies down on the stretcher and the doctor pulls out the screen and the ultrasound device.

- It will freeze a little. - she informs and applies the gel to the detective.

The doctor starts massaging Hailey's belly with the device while all three in the room look at the screen. Jay and Hailey don't understand what they're seeing in black and white.

- Everything is fine? - Hailey asks when she notices the woman frowning.

- I just... - she remains silent. - If you were 4 months old we should be seeing him more easily, but I'm not seeing anything. She-she informs you after a while and placing the device up, down and to the sides. She should also be listening to her heart, but she wouldn't say that, she didn't want to scare them. Not before being sure of what was happening. - Maybe not 4 months. I'll check with the transvaginal ultrasound. Could it be? - the doctor says, already removing the device from Hailey's stomach and cleaning the gel.

- It's not possible, I haven't had sex in four months. - Hailey says scared.

- Well, a 4-month-old baby would have to be visible now, but let's do the ultrasound and see and then wait for the test results. I'm going to order a qualitative beta HCG, but it could be a false positive.

- No, I was sick and felt the changes in my body, it can't be. - Hailey begins to despair.

- It's normal, you said you went through a lot of stress, it's just your body reacting, understand?

Hailey doesn't understand, she doesn't want to understand. She wants her 4 month old baby, this can't not be real. This cannot be a false positive.

She lets the woman do the other ultrasound on her.

- No fetus, no heartbeat. Not even a cyst, which means you are apparently healthy. Do you take any medications?

- Yes, some for anxiety and sleep.

- This can alter your hormones and stress could have caused the false positive.

- No, I felt everything. I read about the first few months of pregnancy.

- Let's wait for the results of the exams. - the doctor notices Hailey's fear and thinks if she didn't do something and that Jay was just trying to confirm it.

- Could she have miscarried and not realized? - after most of the time in silence, he finally speaks.

- Look, in my experience, it really was a false positive due to everything that has been happening, an abortion would leave some sign or some trace, but there is nothing. For me it is a normal and healthy uterus and unfortunately without a baby. -she speaks mainly to Upton, noticing her disappointment.

An hour passed, and the qualitative beta HCG result arrived.

- Look, there really is no pregnancy. Your blood HCG is 22 mIU/ml. It's really high, but it could be due to medication, hormones and stress, but for us to consider a pregnancy it should be at least 25 and it's not always the case either, so unfortunately it's not pregnancy.

- But what if I have had an abortion? - Hailey asks. His eyes watery.

- Well, if it was 4 months ago there's really no way for us to know. If it were recent, it would have some remains. Have you had any bleeding where you noticed a large blood clot or something that made you more worried?

- No, I haven't been bleeding for a while now. - says the woman.

- We can wait for the other test and if you want on Monday you can schedule some tests to see if everything is ok, but it seems like it was just a false positive, it's also very common, I'm sorry I don't have better news, but on the bright side , you are a healthy woman, you can try again.

Hailey rolls her eyes. Jay was clearly upset that she was pregnant. She knew he wanted a child and she was willing to give it to him.

- It was just a scare. - Jay says as soon as they leave the hospital. He was relieved and didn't intend to hide it, especially because he thought Hailey would feel the same. In the situation they were both in and with all the problems she was having, it wouldn't be healthy to have a baby now.

- A scare? Jay, I'm pregnant. You'll see in Monday's result. I know you do! - Hailey refuses. She feels like she is pregnant. All the symptoms indicate this.

- Hailey, the doctor did the ultrasound, there was nothing and the exam came back negative.

- It must have been some kind of error.

- What a mistake? She said false positives were super normal! - Jay insists on the discussion, not noticing that Hailey is starting to get irritated by his comments.

- I know you don't want to have a child with me, you're probably even relieved, but I'm sorry to inform you that I'm pregnant, Jay. I'm sure about that. I know my body. I'll look for another doctor. I'm going to prove to you that I'm pregnant. You will see. -she says angrily.

- Hailey. - Jay realizes that she is in denial and calms down to be able to talk to her. - Hey... - they stop near the car and Jay holds her arm. -A child will not solve any problem, neither ours nor his. It's good that you're not pregnant with everything that's going on, it's better that way.

- You know Jay, I hope that when you see the tests that I'm pregnant with YOUR child, you assume. - she starts crying and instead of holding it back, she explodes. - Charlotte is not your daughter, she never will be! Your son with Lindsay is dead, you're the one in denial. It's you who doesn't want to accept this, but OUR son is in here, whether you like it or not.

Jay gets scared. He realizes that she is out of her mind in a way he has never seen before. He thought she just didn't understand well what the doctor explained because she said they could see the exam on Monday, but now he realized, she wants to have his child, she wants to maintain the relationship and for all the harsh words she just said defer he doesn't know how to keep calm. How to still be kind to a woman who knows exactly where to attack. Whether or not he's jealous of Erin, talking about her miscarriage like that hurts and he doesn't recognize his partner.

- You know what Jay, show up here on Monday and you'll see that I'm not lying and maybe then you'll really open your eyes. - she just walks away.

She wasn't pregnant, nor was she injured, and Jay was furious. So he didn't insist on going after her or insist on taking her. In fact, he was glad she left, because he didn't know if she would be kind to her words at the height of her frustration. He was so angry that the only possibility he saw if he followed her would be to curse her and answer every thing she said about the abortion and about Charlotte, but he didn't, because those words hit him, those words hurt because she didn't lie. . Their baby was dead and Charlotte was not his daughter.

There's something Jay just realized about something he does. Jay always wants Erin's help or advice, for good or bad things. He did it before and since she came back to his life, he found himself doing it again, but at the moment he is standing outside Hank Voight's house, debating whether or not he should knock on the door.

It was not a subject that should involve her, not when he does not know how she is in relation to all this, since as much as he is not sure, he believes that Hailey told her about the pregnancy. He didn't want to bring memories to Erin. So, instead of knocking on the door, he starts the car and leaves, she doesn't need to have to deal with his problems, it wasn't fair.

"The way you present yourself on the outside reflects how you feel on the inside."

- This is Us