By the Bonfire: An old truth

He kept himself still, barely in the corner of the room and far out of the line of sight of anyone who might have gone intentionally looking for him.

Even if they did, the convenience of the potted plant made for a decent enough hiding, even despite the fact he could look over the top of it.

None of which took away from the target of his sight, across the room and seated with the others. His eyes remained firmly planted on them, grip on his glass tightening ever so slightly the longer he stared. It felt as though he had been there for years just watching from a distance.

Listening to their laughter and observing their smiles.

His eyes turned downcast, staring at his murky reflection in his own drink, bringing it up to his lips and taking a long sip. The sharpness of the taste flooded his senses, he winced for a moment at the swill before he paused, closing his eyes and sighing. His other hand came up and rested flat upon his face, groaning lightly as the thoughts continued to flood through his mind.

He wondered what she would think if she could see him now.

Probably nothing good, that was for sure, he could almost hear her reading a tirade into how pathetic he appeared and how he was doing nothing more than sulking around.

She would have been absolutely right as well.

But perhaps that was the point, she was always the one who seemed to have all the answers. The one he seemed to have been searching for all of his life, despite all his doubts, whenever he found himself at a crossroads she would just be there to give him what he needed when he needed it and all he ever gave her in return was just…nothing.

A repeating offence.

He took love and gave nothing back, not when it really mattered, not when they really needed it.

That was all he ever seemed to do, take and take and take until he bled them dry and then they were left with nothing by the time he was done. Without ever realising what he was doing as well, perhaps that was just as great a flaw. If he was aware, he could at least have called himself malicious and known about it well enough.

But he didn't even have the intellect or awareness for that.

No, he was just a fool who remained blind to the world and did whatever it was that came upon him in the moment and then just wandered away into the world. Never realising and never, ever, coming back to apologise to them until it was far too late.

A sharp laughter sent his heart aflutter, his eyes were drawn back to the distant table, golden orbs softened and he felt his expression drop. Despite all his sorrows, he could not ignore the expression on the face of the younger brother, nor the way his laughter and amusement resonated within him, but taking even an ounce of joy from that moment felt dirty to him.

It was a joy that his brother should have been able to experience in life.

Something that he should not have been forced to encounter after so many ages had passed him by. Twisting him into a hollow shell of his former self, but he would say this and this alone for his Master. Ritsuka was bringing them back, bit by bit, he was seeing a glimmer of his brother coming back into the world.

Even if he could never be there.

Seeing them like this…it still warmed his soul.

His glass was brought up to his lips again, he tilted it back and then paused as nothing touched him. The glass was pulled away and he stared at it, frowning as he realised that he had lost the next batch of the drink. With a sigh, he shook his head and set the glass back down onto the table, reaching across to the bottle and popping the lid off once again.

Quite a sight he must have made.

Burying his sorrows in liquor.

With a click of the tongue, he started to pour.

Filling the glass right the way to the top and then setting the bottle down, he didn't know what this 'Vodka' even was but it was something strong. It had a bite to it and lacked flavour, but that was fine for him. He wasn't drinking it because he was after something to savour, he just demanded the strongest drink they had and it all went on from there.

His eyes flickered back to Gwyndolin once again, in the middle of starting what looked like another bickering match with the crossbreed girl - Kiyohime, he believed - over the seating arrangement once again. His lip twitched upwards as he watched his brother speak, though he couldn't quite make out the words they were saying, but their expression told him all he needed to know.

A snort escaped him, taking the tumbler glass into his hands and bringing it up to his lips-

"Is there room at this table for one more?"

He paused, his eyes snapped to the side and he stared at the blonde man who had stopped at his table, a gentle look on their face, the lack of judgement in their red eyes as they flickered from the glass in his hand to the half empty bottle and then back to him.

Faraam paused for only a moment, then gave a single nod of the head.

A pleased look crossed the face of Nudd as they settled themself down in the seat opposite him, dropping what looked like a simple dish of mash potatoes and meat on the table. Pausing for a moment and then jerking their head towards the kitchen. "You know that Ash fellow has been trying to cook recently, though he doesn't seem to have gotten all that far quite yet. Still mastering the basics, or so I've heard."

Faraam gave a slow blink, raising a brow at his fellow God before he lowered the glass. "I…had not heard of that, no."

A pointed look fell upon the meal the man had before him, in conjunction with the sudden remark they had made.

Nudd paused amidst cutting through his steak, making a face of understanding and then shaking his head, somewhat despondently. "I am afraid that this is not some of his handiwork, though he did mention in passing that it was a dish he was most familiar with after I asked him what he grew up with."

A shrug.

"I thought to myself, what manner of dish would make a man such as him and here we are."

"...I do not believe that a man is made by his meal."

"An army marches on its stomach, does it not?" Nudd responded back without missing a beat, pulling away a small cut of meat and depositing it in their mouth, chewing for a couple seconds and then swallowing. "And I see no reason why a man cannot fall under the same category. After all, there are such men who are just as strong as an army, are there not? Thus, they too march on their stomachs. Besides, all good warriors need their meals to be just as strong."

Faraam kept silent for only a moment, then let out a huff of amusement from between his lips as he stared down the God opposite him, feeling his lips pull into a small smile. He could concede that point to them, it was certainly one he could accept. But it was hardly as though he was human enough to understand.

"You would know better than I, given that I was never human."

A pause from Nudd, they looked thoughtful. "Perhaps that is so, but I do not believe that would make you wholly exempt from such things. After all, the only difference between the Gods and the men of our home was the strength of their souls, yes?"

"It was not quite so simple…" He muttered with a shake of the head, but it was not as though the man was entirely wrong either. Dropping his fingers onto the table, he drummed away for a few moments before he shrugged. "...Though you seem to have lived on both sides, is that not right? What is it that you believe?"

"Having the memories of a God and a man?" Nudd paused as he reached for his drink, Faraam could smell the sweetness from it. Some manner of mead, if his nose was to be trusted. They brought the cup to their lips and took a short sip before pulling away. "There is value to be found on both sides. Certainly an eye-opening experience and I can see the appeal for great power and the appeal for greater freedom…but that comes with the drawbacks for both."

He frowned. "Drawbacks?"

"The responsibility of a God is beyond what I could have imagined, as is the threat that comes with a loss of perspective…" Nudd warned as they set their drink back on the table. "You can so quickly forget the damage you can do within a single instant, without even realising…and with a human, the emotions of hatred come quickly and can be just as devastating."

A sigh.

"The differences between humans can cause such terrible rifts…almost frightening the ease at which they can forget they are all human, all coming from the same origin, the same soul…" They tapped away at their chest. "Titles upon titles to form different groups, reasons why one is better or inferior…all forgetting that they end in 'Human'."

This conversation took quite the turn, he brought his drink up and took a short sip of it. "Maybe so, but I have seen value in those struggles…one fighting for justice and one for injustice, but they all become a mirror to one another. Justice is nothing more than the side with the stronger sword, or the greater number of warriors."

Nudd nodded. "Precisely. A god is different…you have all sorts of clarity on the matter. You know what is right and what is wrong, right from the start. From the very beginning you have a sense of completion about you…a human lacks that, thus they go out of their way to find their own sense of completion."

Faraam noticed the sad smile cross the lips of the God.

"And you can't always approve of how they complete themselves, all that remains is to deal with the results…much like raising children, I suppose. You provide them with all the tools they need, all the knowledge they can want, but at the end of the day…they will do only what it is that they wish to do."

They turned their eyes onto him, a piercing gaze stopped him as he went for another sip.

"And a child should not be beholden to the demands of the parent, no matter how much they love them or how much love they received from them."

His body slowly straightened, he drew himself back into his chair and stared across at the God as they continued to eat, acting as though they had not just spoken so sharply.

Faraam slowly turned his head down, his eyes falling upon the table.

"So then, how went your reunion with your younger sister?"

A blink, Faraam snapped his head up at the almost jovial tone of the Servant across from him, smiling once again as they cut into their food and ate, glancing up at him and smiling just a little bit wider. "I think there wasn't a soul around who did not see the way she flung herself into you, a rather bold young thing then?"

His lip twitched.

"Only because I hadn't the chance to ruin that-"

"How very defeatist-"

"I have three siblings and two of them hate me." He grimaced, drawing his free hand into a tight fist and growling under his breath. "And they have every right to do so." he swung the glass back, the liquid burned as it fell down his throat. "All the love, all the union between us, and it took me only a single action to destroy it all…leaving me unable to so much as…"

Nudd levelled an even stare at him, speaking only in a calm tone. "The actions of the parent are not that of the child."

"These are…" Faraam smacked his lips, nodding his head up and down as he found his words. "These most certainly are. Before I left they were…" trailing off, his eyes turned back to his glass. "I look at my own family and I see strangers in their place, husks of the people I knew and loved, and I know that in my heart of hearts…if I had just remained-"

"And done what?"

Faraam fell silent.

"Why did you betray your family?"

"...For our enemy-"

"For the dragons?" Nudd declared, shaking their head. "If it had been for the dragons or for power, then the world would look very different and your name would not have been lost to the sands of time. No…you betrayed your family because to side with them would have been to betray yourself."

A snort, cold and hollow, escaped him. "So what choice is that? I could endure the misery if it meant-"

"How could you have known what would become of your siblings - your family - in the moment that you left? Was there any indication prior?"

He fell silent.

"Your surprise at their state spoke volumes, but you would have expected some changes, yes?" Nudd raised a brow, but did not await an answer from him, instead they continued on between bites of their food. "Nothing on that scale. You were not to have known and there is not a parent in the world who would tarnish their child's own self for their ambition…Or one would hope at least."

Faraam frowned at the words. "...He loved me, they both did…they all did. I took their love and then just left them in an act of self-righteousness…because I believed that I was doing the right thing." a growl, another gulp of his drink and he stabbed a finger into the table, leaning forwards. "And in the end…in the end what has it cost? Yes, I could sleep soundly, knowing I did not betray my values…and I tore apart my family in the process."

Nudd sighed. "I told you, a God sees thing differently. Right and wrong. You know that as well as I. What you saw as a right was seen by another as a wrong, who is to say which is which…but it would have become a wrong if you allied with them, knowing what it was." they brought up their arm - forged from silver - and pointed at him. "What manner of life is it where you fling yourself into misery for the sake of others?"

"I could-"

"Everyone who would sacrifice for their family believes that." Nudd shut him down quickly, narrowing their eyes. "Even seeing the choice they declare that, for the sake of those they love, they could endure whatever it is…so long as they can be happy, all is well in the world."

Their jaw clenched, their eyes turned from him.

"...Sacrifice is not something to be lauded. Nor should it be celebrated, it is something to be disgusted with…to see a figure who can tear themselves apart - who was forced to lose everything - for the sake of their own family and friends…it is not a situation any should find themselves in."

The way they spoke, the way they acted, it was…

"I did everything to make my children happy, to make my family happy…and I was content with their joy, for a time…then it turned to anguish that I could not be there to celebrate their joy with them. From anguish came misery, then came fury, then came…envy, a deep covetous gnawing…then loneliness."

They trailed off, a distant look flickering through their eyes before they turned their gaze back onto him.

"You are not responsible for the choices of others and forcing yourself into misery for their happiness is not a life to be lauded. Nor is it something to take pride in doing, it is self-inflicted harm that others will delight in and sooner or later, that is how you perceive it."

Nudd sighed, closing their eyes. "They had the choice to carve out their own happiness, maybe they did and maybe they didn't but not all of it had to revolve around you. Perhaps your betrayal was a catalyst…but it was a result of another's sins that pain was born into the world."

Faraam grumbled quietly. "...A cold comfort…"

"...Do you see your brothers smiles?"

"...Yes."

Nudd's lip pulled upwards. "He is happy, that much is plain to all those who can see, this is his effort to carve out a sense of joy…" a pause, the blonde man looked down at the table, a flicker of sympathy. "I am sorry that it took so long for this to finally come into fruition, but you cannot ignore what it is. Your brother is happy, perhaps for the first time in a long time, and it comes long after your betrayal."

Shaking his head, Faraam felt his expression twist. "He suffered and died-"

"And now he is healing. Perhaps if you looked more upon the smile and less upon what came before, you would be less inclined to gaze into your reflection through the bottom of a bottle."

The comment brought him up short.

"Gwyndolin was hurt by your betrayal, but that much you should have known, however it is no error for you to believe that your other family would have healed from your actions…you cannot be faulted for believing the best in them. That they would be there to support one another in your absence…"

Nudd gave a sorrowful look. "...All we can do is lament that your trust in them was not fulfilled…But you cannot punish yourself for believing in your family's love, it is no sin to look at them and see them as good people who would stand by and support one another."

Their answer was simple in the end.

But perhaps that was the problem, it was too simple.

So much of the blame was neatly swept aside.

A convenient way of shifting it.

"Hmmm?" The hum of intrigue from Nudd drew the eye of Faraam, the gaze of the man before him settled on something just behind him.

With a turn, he brought his head about to follow their line of sight and promptly froze, staring in silence as Gwynevere walked into the room at the other end, step in step with a certain young girl. Lilac coloured hair and a rather innocent smile on her lips, as though wholly unaware of the figure they were walking in step with.

He rose up-

Something tight grasped his wrist and held him in place, his head snapped downwards and he glared holes at the silver fingers that caught him, then looked to their owner and stared at the blank face of Nudd, all but demanding that he not move.

"She is-"

"I have faith in them."

Faraam's brows shot up his forehead, "After what she did to Gwyndolin-what she helped do to him-? What she's become-"

"I was referencing Mash." Nudd raised a brow, a touch of a smile on their face as they tugged at him.

A frown came upon his own lips, then he allowed himself to be lowered into the seat by the God opposite, but kept his eyes upon them.

"And I was referencing Gwynevere as well." Nudd continued on, sparing a glance to the couple once more, then back to him with a complete lack of urgency. Faraam would have called it indifference were it not for the innocent warmth in their eyes, which left him wondering if they were just a fool.

Especially after Gwynevere all but announced her intentions as to…what she would do when…they arrived at Chaldea…

"Looking at everything in the big picture for so long makes it hard to appreciate the little things in life. Sometimes what we all really need is a chance to just step back and focus on the smaller moments in life, the moments where it really matters what our choices are."

Faraam frowned, then opened his mouth.

"I believe that Mash can have just as big an impact on Gwynevere as she can have on the girl."

"You would gamble her on such a thing?"

It was asking him to step back and risk letting something like Gwyndolin happen all over again, only this time he would be complicit. He had trusted Gwynevere once before - trusted them all - and had found out that it had ended in utter devastation, a twisted torture that not even the sickest mind could have formulated.

And he was being asked to step back and possibly let the same thing happen again, as Gwynevere turned her focus onto this young girl and let her have her way? If she could do that to Gwyndolin, then it would keep him awake at night what she could end up doing to this girl.

Nudd looked at him with both understanding and something related to mirth, despite how horrible the situation could become.

"I would trust my gut on this one moment." Bringing up their arm, Nudd gestured past him. "She is not constructing a Kingdom, she is not going to see everyone as just another blade of grass…in her mind, she is in the middle of sculpting a wondrous statue that will shine for years to come. Cultivating potential."

"Like she cultivated Gwyndolin?"

Nudd frowned. "If you were so jaded to your family, why is it that Gwyndolin is still a source of warmth for you?"

Faraam stilled.

"It is not the same-"

"It very much is. Gwyndolin played no small role in ensuring the cycle of the fire continued." A cold rebuttal from the God. "He did that of his own free will and there are countless who suffered for it, true that role was then passed onto humans but it was a learned behaviour. They did it only because they were instructed to do it for generations, knowing no other way of life and it was Gwyndolin who forumatled a prophecy so many years ago."

His hands clenched into fists, but he stayed silent.

A shake of the head. "I am not here to poison you against your family but I will ask you this…if there was a chance, would you truly wish for them to accept and trust you as they had done in the beginning?"

"Yes."

"Then why not do the same for them?"

"..."

The blonde gave a light smile, but still understanding. "I ask a lot and indeed, there is much that could go wrong…it is not as though Gwynevere has a particularly clean track record with children either, but this is a different matter…I am trusting Gwynevere to help bring out some of the very best in Mash…and I trust Mash to bring out the very best in Gwynevere."

"...Why?"

A blink, then a raised brow.

"Why go to such lengths to speak with me, to convince me to ignore this, why…what do we matter to you?"

Nudd thinned his lips, then blew out a small dose of air. "...You remind me of myself a little, I suppose." a wave of the hand. "And seeing a family tear itself apart like this does not settle right within my gut, but you can call me a nosey one for that level of care. I'm a little bit like Ritsuka, I guess." they gave an unapologetic smile. "I cannot leave well enough alone."

Faraam slumped forwards, his hands catching his face and his elbows propping him up. A long exhale rippled out from the back of his throat, he grimaced as he could smell the scent of alcohol on his breath, a moment or two passed, then the arms dropped down onto the table with a thud, he stared at the God opposite him.

They had this way of getting right under his skin in a way he didn't find that he disliked, despite their words.

Combined with their way of just knowing things.

"Would you argue this to Rituska as well?"

Nudd paused for a moment, a slightly pensive look crossed over their face at his remark. Their hesitance was telling and yet despite that, they still nodded their head up and down. "But I would understand it if they did not feel the ability to trust her, but I suspect it would settle with him merely presiding in the same room as them when they were together…I doubt Mash would express a problem with it and Gwynevere would be content so long as she could work."

Faraam curled his lips a little. "...She's changed so much…"

"You've probably changed as well, that's what happens when we get older…" A paused, then Nudd slowly shook his head from side to side. "But you're wrong, it's not that she's changed, it is that she has never had the chance to change. This is as much a chance for her to heal as much as it is for Mash to grow…I would not rob either of them of that."

The Servant adjusted themselves, pausing as they went for their next bite.

"We all make mistakes, some more terrifying in scope than others…" Their eyes locked onto his own. "But the true test of character is what we do when we are presented with their consequences. Perhaps it is a mistake for me to argue on her behalf…in which case, it is another sin I shall bear for my own selfish indulgence."

They silently continued to eat, clearly having nothing more to say.

Faraam remained before them, then turned his head and glanced over his shoulder to where his sister and Mash were seated. Watching the pair in silence, both unaware of him, as they brought out a book and seemingly went over his, he strained his ears just enough that he could make out what they were saying.

"-etting the ingredients would be a bit of a problem-"

"-certain that the opportunity will arise and it would make for quite the development, think of the faces when you present them with this surprise-"

"-sure that Senpai would be happy…but what if I-"

"Think not of what could go wrong, that will surely bring about failure, focus instead on what you wish to see-"

He huffed and turned his head back around, pausing as he caught the glint in the eye of Nudd, the comfortable look they held as they doubtlessly heard the exact same conversation that he was privy to. "...Gwynevere always did have a sweet tooth."

He wasn't sure why that brought a smile to his lips.

It was truly such an insignificant little detail.

"We should probably keep quiet about it." Nudd remarked with a twitch of the lip. "Just to avoid spoiling the surprise."

This damned man.

But…despite their words…there was still a matter he had to settle.

It felt as though this had been a long time coming.

How many years had passed and yet, standing here now, he could find himself only with the innate desire to turn his back and walk away. To focus instead on the words of Nudd and believe that it was not his fault for trusting his family, that it was merely a result of their own choices.

But he could not be content with that.

He needed to know, without a shadow of a doubt, what it was that had brought about the change.

Bringing his arm up, he moved to knock upon the door and then paused. His fist hovering a mere inch from the bear metal, trembling for a moment.

What would he do if he got the answer?

What would he do if it wasn't the answer he wanted?

The door opened without further prompt, ending whatever compunctions he might have had in doing this.

With a deep breath, he stepped forwards into the room, noticing almost immediately that the lights were off and the entire living space was bathed in an unnatural darkness, save for the faint sound of running water, his brows furrowed as he turned to the single glimmer of light in the corner of the room.

The noise stopped.

The door behind him closed and the one in front of him was swung open, steam billowed out-

"For flames sake, mother!" A disgusted snarl pulled free of his lips as he turned his head, closing his eyes and bringing up a hand for good measure, all of it in an effort to prevent him from being assaulted with the sight before him.

Not that it had done him much good, it had been burned into his mind.

"What?" The unashamed voice of the woman flowed like the water she was drenched in, her wet footsteps echoed across the room as she moved, he could hear the smile in her words as she continued onwards. "It is hardly as though you have never seen it before, and I have had to behold you in your-"

"That is not an excuse-!" Sharply cutting himself off, he felt his lips pull into a grimace as he lowered his voice, feeling the disgust and touch of shame in his face. "I would have waited for you to be proper if you had given me the chance to actually do so. I was not in such a great rush to speak with you-"

A sigh cut him off, the sound of a door being opened and rustling of fabric. "Era's pass us by without ever speaking a single word to one another, perhaps I was merely the one who was over excited that after so long you finally muscled up the nerve to come and speak with me."

He waited for a few moments longer, then a click of the tongue from across the room as the snap of a fingers came, he felt the brightness of the room shift as the voice of his mother came next.

"I'm dressed now."

He cracked open an eye, lowering the hand a little and was moderately pleased to see that she had cloaked herself in a towel at least, a rather bored look on her face as she stared back at him, then it slowly shifted into a ghost of a smile, but he could hardly tell if it was a pleasant one or not.

He wasn't sure which would be less appealing to him.

"Showers." Velka spoke the word as though it was a fine tasting wine, "Such a marvellous little thing…not that I have lost my affection for baths yet, but there is something interesting about the shower. Indoor rain."

He opened his other eye and straightened himself out, she paused as she looked at him, raising a curious brow and glancing towards the spot above his head, the gap between the ceiling and the top of his head was rather comfortable, though if he were to jump he would have easily gone through it.

Even without his impressive physical abilities.

"...I'm not sure you would fit in the baths, truth be told." A moment passed, then she tilted her head and cupped her chin, a thoughtful look crossing her features. "Have you made the attempt yet?"

His brows pinched at her in confusion. "I did not come here to speak of personal hygiene-"

"From the looks of you, it is a topic you have not spoken to anyone with…" A pointed look was levelled at him, sweeping from his hair and then across his armour before finally resting on his feet, her gaze lingered on his toes for a few moments before flickering back to his eyes. "...When was the last time you cleaned that rag around your neck? Or washed that mange you call hair?"

He couldn't help it.

A mixture of shock and incredulity caused him to breath out a gasp.

So long apart and the first thing she asked was if he was actually cleaning himself?

He was unsure whether to be disgusted or insulted.

He settled for clenching his hands into fists. "...Did you level these questions at Gwyndolin when you spoke with him…or have you not gotten around to it yet."

Velka looked at him with a flat gaze, then rolled her eyes as though he'd said something tiresome to her. "Why does it always come back to your brother with you? I go through the effort of asking how you've been and if you're taking care of yourself and you just go and bring him up unprompted-"

Faraam stilled. "I brought him up because he's your son."

A sigh, Velka moved across to the bed and sat herself down, hands moving to the draw and pulling out a come, dragging it through her dark locks as she responded. "I know he's my son, but with how you coddled him, sometimes I find myself forgetting that."

His hands clenched.

"Coddled." It was a dangerously low whisper. "Is that what you call love-"

"Love?" She turned back to him, a frown that dragged him back to his youth, the same one she wore when he was but a child. "Is that what you called it? You and Gwynevere, you made him utterly dependent on the both of you. Never allowing him to grow up into his own person. All of it was just whatever you were doing. Never really letting him grow because you were too busy 'protecting him' from the dangers."

His head turned away from her, a frown spread across his face as he tried and likely failed to withhold his anger, not that it seemed to affect his mother in the least, given that she continued to brush her hair as though he wasn't even in the room or they hadn't been arguing.

"I'm not the one who got it into my head that Gwyndolin needed to be babied too at every given moment."

He whirled on her, bringing up and arm and gesturing to himself. "Gwyndolin wasn't-"

"Strong like you and Gwynevere?" She cut him off, sounding almost bored. "Or maybe he wasn't adored like Filianore…yes, I suppose he was what would be called the 'runt of the litter' if I was some manner of savage…but I looked at him the same way I looked at the rest of you."

Her eyes turned on him and narrowed. "I saw him for what he could be, not what he was. Yes, he was weak…but he was still my son and there was no child of mine who would remain incapable." a pause, her jaw rolled from side to side, her head turned away from him and she resumed brushing. "You just saw him as small and decided that you would keep him safe."

Faraam scoffed, folding his arms. "And I was right to think so…The moment I left you just stuffed him in a dress!" The snarl was mixed with raw emotion, enough that Velka stopped her actions and side-eyed him. "Was that what you saw him as from the moment he was born!? W-was that the grand vision that you both had for him? In which case I was right to keep him safe for as long as-"

Velka waved her hand, an annoyed click of the tongue accompanied the gesture. "Don't raise your voice at me like that. Shouting won't make your arguments any more right. Hardly as though I was there…That was all your fathers idea, if you must know…but every effort I would have made, you and your sisters…"

Shaking her head, she turned her eyes onto him. "I would have taught him to be strong in spirit, to ignore what was said about him and to focus only on seeing what he could achieve and with time, the naysayers would be silenced…" thinning her lips, she shrugged her shoulders and turned. "But you were always quick to act, weren't you? Never able to see the big picture…and Gwynevere is too much of her fathers daughter to see another path."

Faraam growled, bringing up an arm and pointing to her. "Don't say that…do not say that. You are not some distant figure who was prevented from acting, you were right there with them. Father wasn't alone in this…it did not just happen over the span of a single night-"

"Of course it did."

He paused.

Her words silenced whatever he had to say.

His arms dropped back to his side, an unblinking gaze was levelled upon him.

She couldn't mean that.

"That's what you came here for, isn't it?" A faint smile came upon the lips of his mother, but it lacked any mirth to it, instead it belated no small amount of sorrow as she turned her head on him. Dropping her brush onto her lap. "To finally answer the question of how this happened, the one that has doubtless been burning in your mind since the little tantrum of Gwyndolin-"

"Tantrum?" The words choked up in his throat. "He…He suffered because of you and you didn't even show up to-"

"To what?" She sharply cut him off, narrowing her eyes. "Gwyndolin would look upon me as one looks upon scum at the base of their heel, there is no part of his heart that holds affection for me anymore and nor would I expect there to be. Just as he severed ties with you, he has done so with me as well."

"He is your son-"

"And I did what was best for him, he wanted to vent and I let him do that." A wave of the hand, she all but dismissed the point. "He needed someone who could draw out his true desires and the human boy gave him that, he's started to heal again-"

Faraam clenched his hands into fists, taking a single step forwards. "So what? You just offload the responsibility onto the first person who actually shows him some real kindness?! You can just forgot all about your responsibilities as a parent because-"

A sharp glare fell upon him.

But that was not what silenced him.

That was not why his heart stopped.

It was what he saw in those eyes of hers, what burned in those bright orbs.

She knew.

He stepped backwards, turning his head to be free of her gaze, though he could still feel it upon his skin. Burning into the side of his head, a grimace and he turned his lips downwards. When he spoke next, his voice came out as barely a whisper. "...That is not the same thing."

"...If you say so." He did not flinch at her incredulous words, but he did twitch. "But let us set aside your brother for the time being, given that we will seemingly argue over him until this world turns to dust…You're here to know, aren't you? That little question that has been burning up in your mind."

He didn't respond, not verbally.

He nodded his head.

"Ask it."

"...What happened to you all?"

Velka kept her gaze even, then brought her brush to her hair once more and resumed her actions.

"It won't bring you any peace of mind."

He snorted. "Are you trying to spare me the pain? Is that what this is? You were never one to shy away from laying down uncomfortable truths, as you so called them."

"And you were always the one who ignored every single one of those truths." Her lips twitched upwards for a split second, as though calling upon some distant memory. "Declaring so valiantly that you would make your own truth…Your father loved you for that. I couldn't help but admire your charming little confidence."

He said nothing.

"Your father - the both of us - would have done anything for you." She continued onwards, sniffing lightly and then smiling indulgently. "He was one of the first. He remembered what it was like to have nothing and then to become something…He told me that when he first saw you, it felt as though the Soul of Light had fallen into his hands all over again."

A sigh escaped her, she lowered the brush.

"There was never a moment where he didn't do everything in his power for you, when you asked for siblings…" She trailed off meaningfully, sending him a small look.

But it felt like she had just stuck a knife in his gut.

Comprehension dawned in his mind, bringing up a hand and pointing to himself. "He…Gwynevere, Filianore and Gwyndolin…they all…"

"He was weak to your requests, we both were." A chuckle escaped her, she moved a hand up and dragged a finger along the top of her brow, flicking away a stray bead of water. "The power of your earnest requests was truly terrifying, not that there weren't other reasons. Your father did want other children but…the first one is always special, even if you never intend for the others to lose their lustre."

His arm dropped down.

Velka didn't miss a beat, her words resumed.

"He would have truly done anything for you, and he was going to do everything for you." Her fingers drummed away on her thighs, a knowing smile crossed her lips. "...He'd have given you the world and that is quite literal as well. Of course, he wanted to do what was best for all of us but…what he really wanted was to give his son what his son gave him. A life. An existence. The most shining gift of all…"

Faraam wavered on his feet for only a moment as the weight of the words smashed into him.

"...The heir of Sunlight, he was being quite literal when he called you that. Such was the extent of his love for you."

The whisper escaped his lips. "...Then I betrayed him."

Velka pursed her lips. "Yes. You did." the simple reply was like a punch, the fact that she sounded so indifferent to it…

"But I could see it. Your father raised you too well, and I had such a hand in giving you right and wrong."

She exhaled, a shrug of the shoulders came next.

"I should have seen that, long before you did, but I was too caught up in all of it…spent too little time with him and too much time at home, I suppose. He came to hate the dragons because they would stop him giving his son the world. What parent wouldn't despise that which would stand in the way of their child's success?"

"...His genocide."

"His extermination, yes." Velka grimaced. "Not in itself a sin, the destruction of one's enemies was hardly a crime unto itself. Though you felt very differently about it, I suppose you had not seen what it was like before the flame. When you had nothing…Your father was so scared you would lose everything and be reduced to that."

"..."

"A self-defeating prophecy, in the end he brought it upon himself. In trying to give you the world…he ended up losing you."

"...What happened?"

"...He became a Sinner. The first sinner." Her lips drew tight. "A grieving father with great power at his fingertips. The world was handed to a man who knew not what he should even do anymore. His mind twisted and his fear grew…all that was left was his people but he looked to the pygmies. He saw what they could do with their Dark Soul, the threat that they could have been."

She did not need to say anymore, but she did so anyway.

"If his own child could betray him so deeply, then who was to say they could not do so as well? Thus they were branded, their strength sealed away and…the results of that would come to be felt for all time."

He opened his mouth to speak, only the sound of croaking escaped him.

"As for your siblings…" Velka paused, bringing her lips together and then popping them. A slow blink and then her head dropped downwards. "...He gave you his love and you turned on him. We both gave you all the love we could muster and you left without even a word. He could never find it in his heart to love someone like that ever again. So he tried a different way…and he ensured that his children would never betray him again."

Faraam stumbled backwards, slumping into the wall with a thudding sound which drew the eyes of his mother, not that she lifted a finger to do anything. She instead just kept her unblinking gaze upon him, without an ounce of judgement in her eyes.

"I…I…He…"

Nothing escaped him.

"You broke his heart." Velka stated without an ounce of emotion. "And he broke the world. He didn't even love me anymore either…" a dry chuckle escaped her. "I could see it in his eyes. The blame that he levied upon me, him and his uncle. They never said it aloud but I could see it in their eyes. How my teachings had poisoned you. So Gwyn took them and raised them 'properly' or so he claimed."

His legs lacked the strength to keep him upright, he slid down the wall and to the ground, sitting there for what felt like years to him.

It could have been years or it could have been seconds, his distant gaze fell upon the room, barely even registering the words of his mother and they continued to stream forth.

"I don't hate you for it…you did what you believed was right and, in the end, you proved to be your mothers son because I did much the same. Turning my back on them for what was right…"

His eyes turned to her but he stayed silent.

"When it became clear what the brand was, what it had truly done to the pygmies and what it would do to the humans…Well, you know what happened next. None of the others would have supported me, your father sung his claws into them all too deeply to even consider another way of life. Not even Havel cared, he just helped because I promised him Seath."

He couldn't listen to this anymore.

With a grunt, he pulled himself back to his feet and slammed his hand on the door, it popped open and he all but fled out of the room, his chest felt empty and his head burned.

But he could feel it over and over again.

It was all his fault.

She withheld a sigh as she watched him flee from the room, feeling him tear his way down the corridors as fast as he could in an effort to escape her. Not that he was able to escape his guilt, that burned like the sun.

Her hands rested upon her lap, lips pulled downwards.

It wasn't as though it was their fault, their father was more than capable of making their own choices and they made them. Feeling responsible for the way in which they degenerated was hardly something that was right and proper.

But she knew he wouldn't believe her.

She knew what the outcome would be from the moment he entered the room but he would have just kept on pushing and pushing until he got the answer he wanted.

What he really needed was to accept that he wasn't responsible for the actions of his father, for the damage the man did, and it would not come if he was told again and again that he was not to blame. For the more often he was told, the less inclined he would be to believe such a thing.

She twitched, a new presence entered her field of vision.

Her eyes snapped to the door as the figure appeared there.

"Well."

That was all she could say, this was not an encounter she had been expecting.

Stepping into the room, the figure closed the door behind them, then with a wave of the hand she watched them unfurl symbols upon the door. Dozens of them in an instant, all of which were designed to keep it locked and secure. But it was more than that, the room felt oppressing now.

A trace feeling of apprehension bubbled within her.

Taking in a breath, the figure paused for a moment before they spoke. "I want you to understand that the only reason you're alive right now is because of Ritsuka. Because he has declared his intention to give you another chance. The benefit of the doubt."

She stayed silent.

"I am not Ritsuka."

Her mouth opened-

A sudden gasp escaped her as a weight settled on her neck, a cold embrace which swept her off the bed and slammed her into the nearest wall, dragging her upwards until her toes barely even kissed the ground.

Her hands flew to the grip around her throat and the arm holding her up, grasping at the silver limb as best she could but unable to find any method of freeing herself. To say nothing of the light pulsing across it.

"I'm not going to kill you, so you can remove that thought from your head."

The words weren't all that comfortable for her, she opened her mouth-

The pressure intensified.

"But you don't get to speak, you just get to listen."

Her mouth closed, she nodded her head up and down, the pressure around her neck loosened just a bit, not enough to say that she was now comfortable however.

"Your children are hurt and you hurt them. Whether by choice or by inaction, you are just as responsible for their state as your husband now is…Grief and wounds are no excuse. These are your children, they are hurt and broken because of what you did to them."

His eyes bore into her, the lights above their head flickered for a moment.

"If there is even the slightest part of you, even the barest hint, that still thinks of yourself as their mother…then I would strongly advise you to listen to that part of yourself."

He dragged his hand off her, gravity took hold and she dropped down to the floor, hunching forwards and clasping at her sore throat.

"Or stay away from them so you can do no further harm."

A sharp sound, she brought her eyes up as they turned on their heel and made for the door again.

"If you truly think of yourself as a Goddess who punishes Sin…Then perhaps you should turn your eyes to a mirror."