105: Giving up is easy-
"So, Mr. Argos, you've been here longer than us - what can you tell us about this place?" Mash asks as we start to move away from the shoreline.
"-Huh!? You think I'd go inland alone? Are you crazy? Deserted islands are always full of cannibals or monsters! I'd die!" Argos says.
"No, I think she meant the Singularity as a whole…" I say.
"Oh. Well, it's a big uncharted ocean full of dangerous islands - like I said, monsters and cannibals," He shrugs. "I can't really tell you much about them, I mostly just stayed on the Argo and let Heracles handle the exploring."
"Geh," I let out a reflexive shudder, recalling that skinless mass of muscle from Fuyuki. "That freaking monster-"
There's a sound of a fist striking steel - and with a shock, I see Argos's fist, stopped a few inches from my face by the timely intervention of Georgios.
"-Hey," Argos glares at me as he lowers his fist. "You can say whatever else you like since you've basically got me at your mercy, but I'm not gonna let you badmouth Heracles."
"S-sorry. I guess you guys must have been friends, huh?" I say. "He was berserk back in Fuyuki, so…"
"What the hell is a Fuyuki…?" Argos asks.
"It was one of the previous singularities Chaldea corrected," Mash says. "An out-of-control Holy Grail War in Fuyuki City, Japan."
"Ah, previous singularities…" He mutters, a strained smile on his face. "So you guys just go around foiling anyone trying to change the past?"
"Pretty much," I nod. Hopefully this will get him to cooperate, now that he knows we're trying to save-
"That's so rude!" Argos shouts, pointing at me. "What do you have against people wanting to fix their past, huh!? You freaking killjoys! I bet that [Alter Ego] guy was with you after all!" Oh my god, this guy doesn't understand the stakes at all, does he?
"Were you summoned with no knowledge of the incineration of humanity..?" Georgios asks.
"Eh? You mean like cremation? I'm not an undertaker." This man is totally hopeless.
We spend the next five to ten minutes of our trek to the island's interior getting the clueless Rider up to speed as his face distorts into an increasingly intense expression of horror.
"-And so we rayshifted to this one next." I conclude.
"...Oi, this is really freaking bad," He says.
"Mister Argos, you said Medea had said something to you about us before… Just what did she tell you, if it wasn't all of this?" Mash asks, tilting her head cutely.
"Ah, that… before I answer that, I should ask, hypothetically speaking, just what would happen if someone sacrificed a Greek Divine Spirit on the [Ark of the Covenant]?" His response is a total non-sequitur.
"That would be… probably the total annihilation of the era." Georgios says.
"I see," Argos says, closing his eyes. He takes a deep breath, and- "MEDEAAAAAA! You psycho witch! 'Lord Jason, just leave all the planning to me,' you said! 'If you just listen to my instructions, you'll become immortal,' you said! Why on earth did I trust you!? I should have known you were up to something nuts like usual! 'Well, if you're erased from existence you can technically never die, tee-hee,' - I bet you'd say something like that just before I got blown up! No wonder Heracles was acting so weird, you were clouding his thoughts, weren't you!? No wonder no one showed up when I used my Noble Phantasm, I was on the evil side! AAAAGH, I'm so stupid!"
His furious rant pauses for a moment as he repeatedly slams his face into his palm- wait, did he just imply…?
"-You're not Argos!" Mash says, gasping. You're Medea's lover, Jason!"
"Ex-lover! I'm her ex-lover!" He protests. "It's exactly because of shit like this that we're not together anymore! Because she's a fratricidal, infanticidal, homicidal, backstabbing, crazy witch!"
Ugh… He can say that,, but… "Dude, half of that stuff was things she did for you - and the rest is pretty much your fault. You're the one who set her off by abandoning her…"
"I wasn't going to abandon her! I'm not that scummy!" Wait, really-? "I was going to keep her as a mistress, obviously." Die, scumbag.
…The truth is, though, I'm really not in a position to be throwing stones about proper romantic behavior.
"Let's not get distracted," I say. "Medea of Colchis is the mastermind, I got that much, but what else is going on in this singularity?"
"She was the mastermind," Jason corrects me. "But that's probably not true anymore - why do you think I wound up sitting alone on a freaking island, huh?"
"Senpai, do you think this is another case of a second Demon Pillar arriving?" Mash asks. Right, the original villains of France got their plans derailed when Bael tried to possess Prelati…
"I don't know anything about Demon Pillars. Medea never introduced me to whoever gave her the grail, and as far as I know, the guy who showed up and ruined everything was - no, calling him an 'ordinary servant' is wrong," Jason says. "He introduced himself as a Caster first, but after he thought he had won he went and blabbed a bit - he's an extra class. Something called an 'Alter Ego', whatever the heck that's supposed to mean."
"...Oi, aren't Extra classes supposed to be rare?" I mutter. I feel like my Game Master is fudging his Random Encounter rolls.
"Alter Ego, huh… That's an annoying class," Cu mutters, closing one eye and stroking his chin.
"You know about it?" I ask.
"Maybe. I'm gonna need to do some Divination to really narrow it down, though," he answers. "In terms of how 'out there' of a class it is… well, I'd say Alter Egos are closer to the Watcher side of things than the Shielder side."
"It's another confusing one, huh…?" I sigh.
"-Speaking of confusing, there's another thing." Jason stares at me directly, a grimace on his face. "I don't know how to say it nicely, so I'll rip the band-aid off - Alter Ego's got the same face as Natsuki Subaru."
…Oh come on. "Another freaking Evil Clone arc? Right after the first one?" I complain. Is this my payback for not letting Jeanne confront her dark self directly or something? Despite the wisecracking though, this sense of unease… "His Noble Phantasm… did you see it?"
Somehow, I know he has. Because, those nightmares, the dreams that were haunting me in Chaldea, were-
"Yeah - a Reality Marble. If you kill him inside it, he comes back and dumps curses on you, over and over, until your Spirit Origin gets corrupted," Jason says. "I got off lightly since I never actually killed him - all of the curses that hit me were from him killing himself. Heracles, though…"
"Another corrupted Heracles!? Oh come on!" I moan.
"...Oi, what do you mean, another?" The Rider asks.
"...I don't suppose he did us the favor of getting his skin torn off before he got corrupted this time?" Cu Chulainn asks.
Jason groans. "So that's how you guys beat him when you fought him. Someone else already did the hard part for you."
I raise an eyebrow. "I don't think losing skin stops Servants."
"Iiiidiot," Jason replies. "As a Berserker, Heracles's Noble Phantasm is his skin. [God Hand] makes him immune to every attack below A-rank-"
"What the hell, that's broken!" I shout
"-lets him come back from the dead eleven times-" Jason continues.
"That wasn't even all of it!?"
"-and makes him immune to any attack that took one of his lives before," he concludes.
"Oh come on! What's with this freaking glitch character!?" This is some Reinhard level nonsense!
"-By the way, since Heracles is the strongest, I'd bet he could come back an extra time or two if he really felt like it. Also he has A-rank Battle Continuation," Jason continues to boast about how cool his friend is. "Well, all of that being said, Berserker is his weakest class."
"What."
"I mean, Heracles is already the strongest without Mad Enhancement, so really the only thing the Berserker class does for him is take away his ability to plan ahead," He continues chattering without pause. "He has [God Hand] in most of his other Classes too, anyway. I think he only loses it when he's summoned as an Assassin or as a Rider - but after he was corrupted, he did come out wearing the [Pelt of the Divine Beast], so I think [God Hand] might have gotten swapped out for [King's Order]."
"Okay, so only one life, but for those of us who aren't Heracles Otaku, what exactly-?" I start to ask.
"Nah, he's still got one extra from the Fourth Labor," He crushes that hope without mercy.
"Sure, why not!?" In throw up my hands.
"Um, Mr. Jason, what Senpai really wants to know is, how do we fight-?" Mash starts to ask.
"You give up," Jason says simply. "Why do you think I'm just sitting around on this island? The moment Heracles wound up on Alter Ego's side, it was over. The only reason you guys aren't already dead is because this storm means he hasn't seen you yet. That's not even considering the other ones he had with him - some Conquistador and Pirate, the Minotaur, and don't forget about Medea! And even if you manage to avoid Heracles somehow, and defeat the rest, you don't have an answer to [Return From Death]."
That name really is on the nose - and disturbingly close to that.
"That's…" Mash mutters.
"Hey, Master, why don't we just leave this weak loser here?" Cu Chulainn says. "We've gotten about all that we can out of him, I think." He gives a grin, resting his staff across his shoulders. "If it's just the strongest Greek hero-!"
"Don't go getting a big head just because people call you 'Irish Heracles', moron. Come back as a Berserker, and you might stand a chance,"Jason says, taking a seat on a stone. "But if you're not gonna make me go with you, that suits me just fine. You guys captured me, after all - I don't want to go on some stupid adventure with you."
"You don't even feel the slightest obligation to fix this mess?" I can't help scowling at his attitude. "You were duped into helping wipe out humanity - don't you feel even a little guilty!?
"And so what? Even if I felt guilty… what would it achieve?" Jason leans back, clasping his hands behind his head and closing his eyes, as rain continues to pour down on him. "You're young, so maybe you don't get it yet, but- sometimes, you don't get another chance. Sometimes, there is no fixing things. And this is one of those times."
…Yeah, I understand. What was it Prelati said, back in France? 'If it doesn't break the heart of anyone who loved the original, then it's probably not a real [Blackened] Servant.'
Jason didn't get off easy or anything, when he was corrupted. For that adventurous man filled with hope, who inspired all of the heroes of his era to join him in a quest for treasure on sunlit seas… the miserable, hopeless man he became at the end of his life, sheltering beneath the prow of his rotting ship, was already his darkest self.
For a moment, I start to think of a response-
Georgios's sword cleaves a spectral butterfly in two. "Enemy attack!"
In an instant, the island trail is full of similar butterflies, and I begin to grow tired - not this time!
"{Emergency Citrus]!" The stupidly named cleanse function of my Mystic Code purges the sleep spell, and I frantically move to get behind Mash's shield.
"[Chaos…Labyrinthos]!" A male voice snarls - and the next thing I know, I'm alone in an empty white hallway.
A/N: And also the late Christmas episode
The Santa Who Judges the Sinners: Finale
-This is the story of something that never happened.
To start with, there's no room for seasonal events in a story that up until recently was crawling along at something like one update per month at best. And, furthermore, the tone was way off base for the last arc, and the story includes several characters that have no business showing up this soon.
But with all that said, it's that magical time of year again, when people in civilized nations drink eggnog, and Americans drink imitation eggnog, sometimes even mixing in alcohol and thinking they're clever for doing so. That time of the year when the Brits pull out the Christmas puddings they made up to a month ago or bought from the grocery store, and Americans look at me like I'm a crazy person for putting that much brandy in a desert. That time of the year when chalk-tasting frosted cookies that don't even taste good are on the menu, and I hate them but I can't stop eating them because their secret ingredient is intense nostalgia.
(I am an American. I just make fun of my country because our christmas cuisine is kind of weak.)
That time of year when winter colds go around, thus explaining why there wasn't an update to the main story for a couple weeks. Sorry everyone, I'm feeling mostly better now.
That's right. It's Christmas time. And as anyone who's familiar with FGO will tell you, that means it's time for me, the author, to violate all the traditions and magic of the holiday season, for the sake of comedy.
Grab a glass of eggnog, real or imitation, huddle under a blanket, and relax, with this heartwarming(?) tale.
(As for me, I'll be sipping a hot toddy, because my nose is still stuffy).
I blink a few times, as my eyes regain focus in the howling snowstorm. Slowly I sit up, and wince as I rub a fresh bump on my head. "What just happened?"
I glance at the other members of last year's [Yuletide Crasher's Alliance] - er, I mean this year's. Yeah. Because the whole concept is we've been doing this all in one night…
Anyway, Sieg, Julius Caesar, Red Hare, and Merry are all here. And maybe Dagon too? Did he cause this snowstorm?
I guess we're going with 'that whole thing where Typhon showed up was totally a dream'? What lazy writing…
"You mysteriously passed out! Man, I wonder why that happened?" Says… a newcomer standing behind me!? She's got long black hair, red eyes, and is wearing a santa outfit, complete with a bag slung over her shoulder. A bunch of gun barrels are poking out of it- oi! It moved! The bag just moved!
Anyway, the only reasonable response is- "Who the hell are you!?" Not to mention, don't think I don't see that bump on your forehead! You're the reason I got knocked out, aren't you!?
"Wahaha! No one was ready for it! The Okehazama to end all Okehazamas - I've preempted my own story appearance to appear in a joke chapter instead!" She laughs. "It can't be helped, just call me- the Santa of Christmas Future!"
"We already did that one," I deadpan.
"Then I'll be," she continues without even an ounce of lost enthusiasm, "Mysterious Santa N!"
I won't dignify that with a tsukkomi. "San-tan it is. Hey, Caesar, you're our designated smart guy, why are extra characters showing up now of all times?"
"Hm, it's probably because Miss Merry and Sieg weren't funny enough!" He says.
"Hey! Take that back! I won't let you insult Merry, she's my fellow dedicated back-watcher!" I retort.
("Hahaha! I remember now!" Merry exclaims. That's convenient.)
"Nhhhey! You take that back! I'm not funny at all, I'm very serious!" Red Hare whinnies.
"I'm sorry, I'll try better…" Sieg begins writing an apology letter in the snow.
"Hey, future Master, do you need your eyes checked?" San-tan asks. "There's only one new servant here. I only showed up because-" She winks and gives me a thumbs up and roguish grin. "-don't underestimate GudaGuda particles."
"Liar! I can see something moving in your bag, and I just know it's going to be another inexplicable arrival!" And don't think that weird statement about particles will mean anything to me!
"Nah, it's probably just a Mini-Nob-" She starts to say, before immediately getting interrupted by another inexplicable arrival.
"That's right! Just for you, Fishie, the never-before-seen Winter Eliza makes her debut appearance!" Elizabeth says excitedly as she springs out of the bag, scattering muskets everywhere.
"Oh, nevermind, I called that completely wrong! It can't be helped!" San-tan laughs.
-By the way, in case anyone cares, Elizabeth's outfit this time seems to be a green ballgown meant to look like a Christmas tree, coupled with a star inexplicably floating above her head. To be honest, the ensemble ought to be totally garish, but she's pulling it off somehow - is what I would say if I was a fan of hers. But actually, I'm not, so-
"You look ridiculous," I deadpan.
Elizabeth staggers as if struck. "B-but… Fishie, you said you were my number one fan…" She mutters, tears in her eyes.
I… I won't be moved by this! "...I never said number one," I protest, looking away.
"B-but you're my first fan! That makes you number one by default! Shouldn't you know not to be rude to your beloved idol…?" Her lip wobbles.
"My beloved wha-" The penny drops. "Wait, you remember me!?"
"Duh. Why wouldn't I?" She says as if it's obvious… but that's not how Servants work!
"...I guess it must just be because this is a joke chapter," I conclude.
"H-hey! I'll remember you in the main story too! Just you wait!" Elizabeth says. "No matter how many times I return to the Throne and get resummoned! I will… definitely… sing for you!"
She's stealing my lines now!? "Thanks, but I don't really believe you…"
"Heh," San-tan gives a knowing laugh, and I glance back at her. She gives me the same wink, grin, and thumbs-up combo from before. "-don't underestimate Eliza particles."
"Don't double down on that stupid particle joke!" I shout.
Time passes, a plan is formulated.
"Fine! Very well! So be it! Against my better judgment, I'll support this plan!" Caesar says. "The kitchens will be infiltrated by Mysterious Santa N, Elizabeth Bathory, Miss Merry, and 'Natsumi Schwartz', with Red Hare also joining, posing as a horse for slaughter!"
"He actually is a horse though." - no one bothers saying.
"Sieg and myself shall remain outside, waiting for the signal, and once we get it, we will rush in to claim the feast for ourselves!"
…Wait, why am I even working with these guys anyway? I think I just need to get Typhon and then White Whale-kun, and I can run away?
…Well, probably not. She'll drag me into it somehow, I know how Christmas goes at this point.
But still, all I need to do now is infiltrate the kitchen with Merry, Elizabeth, and San-tan. Wow, why did I just get a shiver of impending death?
"...By the way, does anyone have a wig and some women's clothing I can use?" I ask.
I receive blank stares.
"Oh, actually, I saw a couple of snowman golems carrying high quality wigs and dresses while I was flying in," San-tan says. Oh, she crashed into me while flying, huh?
"...What the heck is a snowman golem?" I ask.
"Wahaha! You're pretty new to this Christmas thing, aren't you?" San-tan laughs. "Don't worry! My kit may be completely outdated, but that just means I'm experienced - I'll guide you through your first lotto farm, newbie! Now eat this apple."
…What?
"Show your corpse to the Three Thousand Worlds… Demon Descent! Behold the Demon King's [Three Line Formation]!" San-tan shouts as her arsenal blasts through the last wave of snow golems. "Wahaha! Did you see that!? I've been chewing through thousands at once! Ah, as I thought, being my lore-accurate self really is the best!~"
"You're firing 3,000 guns at once! Of course you're gonna mow a bunch down, just how many did you expect to get?" I say with a slightly disbelieving laugh.
"Hmm… three if I'm lucky? No, actually it can go as high as six nowadays!" She responds. "Where the hell is my battery, Lasagna!? Nobukatsu doesn't count!" What does pasta have to do with anything?
"I'm not impressed at all," Elizabeth huffs. "You dressed up in a seasonal costume and couldn't even be bothered to change your Noble Phantasm's name - why did you even bother calling yourself a 'Mysterious Santa' or whatever, when it's obvious from the start that you're-!"
"Gaaah, you're right!" She shouts so Elizabeth can't say her identity. "Okay, it can't be helped, let's call it [3000 Lumps of Coal] instead."
"By the way, why did we have to kill that many in the first place? Didn't I only need one costume?" I ask.
"It can't be helped! You need to open at least five boxes to recruit me permanently, and five more if you want those ever-so-rare golden Fous!" What boxes? What are you even talking about? "But those are rookie numbers. I won't respect you unless you open at least a hundred! Take that, Author, I know you only got thirty this year!"
"I don't know how you think you're going to get a main story appearance if you keep acting like this," Elizabeth says, shaking her head.
"Wahaha! My appearance is inevitable! I can win every popularity poll, through the power of voter fraud!" San-tan throws her head back in a laugh, as a band of… strange chibi versions of her…? As those creatures emerge from her bag carrying what look like voter registration cards.
"By the way, you're not gonna do this whole 'Mysterious Something-or-other N' gag in the main story, right?" the Lancer asks.
"Hm? It's funny, so obviously I will," San-tan replies.
"B-but this is a serious story! We can't just have you in full comedy mode the whole time!" The Idol protests. "Even I got an emotional moment where Fishie dramatically confessed his love to me!" I did what!?
"Pffft, that's so last arc! This one has Jason in it! When has Jason ever been in a serious story chapter? I bet the final boss of Okeanos will be the biggest pushover of the whole story!" The deranged woman raises flag after flag without an ounce of fear.
"...Monsieur Subaru, I'm starting to think this is all just stupid, so can we go ahead and get the infiltration over with?" Asks Merry.
"You're only just starting to think that?" I snark.
"-And so, Natsumi Schwartz appears!" I toss my hair (read: wig) with a grin, puffing out my chest to emphasize my (fake) bust.
…
"...That's gross," Merry says after a moment. W-well, I knew she would respond like this, so what about the other-
"E-elizabeth!? Why've you got such a hateful look on your face? Y-your hair is starting to turn gray, you're Carmillafying-!?" Also, my eyes are up here, okay!? But at least San-tan will- "HeeeEEY what's going on there!?" I shout pointing at the red-headed bombshell that replaced the black-haired gremlin while I wasn't looking.
"I shapeshifted," She says, and leaves it at that, failing to offer any further explanation.
"Well then, I believe we're ready to begin?" Red Hare says, from behind me.
"Indeed, we should be- oi." I start to say, turning towards him, but the sight of him makes me even lose the Natsumi voice for a moment.
"Where did you even find that rubber horse mask?" San-tan asks.
(In the background, Elizabeth's gaze is drawn again and again to the pile of clothing harvested from the snow golems. "Just a little padding, maybe- no! I won't lose to… to Cat-fishie!")
A pale woman with s-silver hair - no, control yourself, Natsumi!
A pale woman with silver hair and a goth dress answers the door to the kitchens. Cold gray eyes narrow at our group - okay, I can handle this!
"Hello! My friends and I are travelers, seeking shelter on this joyous day," I say, "Could we possibly come inside?"
Her obviously suspicious eyes slowly move towards Red Hare. The dead eyes of the rubber horse mask he's wearing over his normal horse head stare back. Come on, man, you said you had a foolproof deception strategy-!
"HOOORSE!" Red Hare shouts loudly. "I am a horse!"
"[Balmung…]!" The woman begins to snarl, a red sword manifesting in her hands-
"Lord Siegfried's…" Merry starts to mutter - and the next instant the Noble Phantasm shuts off and the goth woman is grabbing her by the collar.
"Just… what kind of business do you have speaking about my husband with such affection in your voice?" She asks, a blank look on her face.
"Eh?" Merry, naturally, freezes up. "Designated…back watcher… um, that is! I made a temporary contract with him once!"
"Oh?" Siegfried's wife - Kriemhild, I think it was - puts Merry down gently, and smiles. "You have my condolences for having to work with that idiot. I bet he did some reeaally stupid things without thinking of you, didn't he?"
Eh? Is Siegfried's wife the henpecking type?
"No… he was, um, a perfect hero-" Merry starts to reply.
"Liar… Come with me, and tell me every detail of it," Krielhild says, grabbing the peasant girl by the hand and dragging her inside. "I'll point out every little part where he was being stupid, okay?"
…
"Well, she seems to not be coming back, so I will call this a victory! Ohoho!" I laugh. "Let's just go inside."
Stepping into the kitchens, we see a fairly chaotic scene - various boiling pots are everywhere, and the red haired woman who had led Typhon away earlier is running back and forth from each dish trying desperately to keep the kitchen under control.
…On that note, the Witch of Pride is gleefully kneading dough for some kind of bread - it's such a mundane scene for her that I actually look twice to make sure I'm really seeing it right.
"Oh thank goodness, more people!" The red-haired woman calls out. "I'm Boudica, nice to meet you all, now can you watch this pot, you watch that pot, and you keep stirring this one!"
Needless to say, San-tan, Elizabeth, and I are completely caught up in her pace and end up just helping instead of what we were supposed to be doing.
"Okay! Just watch, Cat-fishie! I can do this! I'll show you cooking - Elizabeth Bathory-style!"
It's all over.
Red Hare, Boudica, Typhon, Merry, Kriemhild… no, like this, I doubt even the guys in the temple or our allies outside got away. Even Natsumi… that's right, I lost my dress and wig. After we went to all that trouble too. But in the end, everything was…
I gaze at the massive rubber horse mask rising from the ocean of stew, as San-tan sits beside me, and I try to find words.
"A man lives but fifty years…" San-tan mutters.
"What the hell happened!?"
"Cooking, Elizabeth Bathory-style," The Archer (I think? She never actually said her class.) sighs. "She was subconsciously using [Item Construction] on a sacred meal during a Pagan feast of blood, and so everything went all GUDAGUDA. It can't be helped."
"With just [Item Construction]!?" I shout. "Bullshit!"
"Hm, I think maybe the grail stored in the kitchens probably played a part." Boudica says, emerging from the stew.
"Oh, the Evangelion reference is over already…?" I wonder aloud. I would have guessed I'd need to choke out San-tan first.
"Congratulations, Baru!" Typhon latches onto my back with a giggle.
"No, that scene is from the TV anime- wait, that's not the point here!" I shout, tossing her off of me and turning to point at Boudica. "What do you mean you stored a grail in the kitchen!?"
"...Cups get stored in the kitchen, Fishie. That's pretty normal," Elizabeth says, emerging from the mess. I'm not even gonna dignify her statement with a response though.
"Ugh, I've got the general picture," Says Cu Chulainn as he emerges as well. "But this kind of sweeping devastation is a bit…"
"Hm, someone must have converted the Grail into a bomb!" San-tan says. "Wahaha, it can't be helped!"
"That someone was obviously you!" I shout as I tackle her to the ground, wrapping my hands around her throat.
"Can I go home yet?" Asks Merry, poking her head out of the stew.
"Anywa~y, now's the part where we pass out the presents!" Typhon says.
"Actually, I have one for you, Typhon!" I say, handing her a long-awaited piece of paper.
"Eh?" Her eyes sparkle. "What is it, Ba~ru? What could you possibly have gotten Santa?"
"A cancellation notice," I answer with a villainous smile.
"...Eh?" Her eyes go wide. "N-no waaay… That's not fair! Baru, you can't cancel Typhon's holiday special! What will she do after this? What will the story do without Typhon!?
"France is over! I'm free! I'm finally free, of you, of Prelati, and of this stupid holiday gimmick!" I shout in exultation. "I wonder what omake gimmick is next!? A Beni-Enma new-years adventure? A Daphne halloween? It can't be worse than this overdone mess!
"B-beni-Enma!?" Typhon wails. "That's not fair! Typhon judges sinners too! Typhon is a little girl too! Typhon has a cute verbal tic too! What does she have that Typhon doesn't!?"
"Homeownership."
"Nooooo!" She moans. "Typhon can't possibly defeat that in this economy! It's not faaaaiiirr!"
I feel absolutely no pity or remorse. I know, no matter what, the next Omake can't possibly be more annoying than this.
"Coming this April, Hatred IF!" Shouts Francesca Prelati. "That's right, it's the long awaited Prelati route! Aren't you glad, Subaru?"
…I want Christmas back.