AUTHOR'S NOTE: thank you Anonymous Guest for the review :)
Chapter 124: How Not To Tell A Story.
"Well, great. Whatever he means by that, it can't be anything too nice."
-Victorious Loser and Ermiene, Field of Foxgloves
In a corner of the Honeycomb, Pipkin was taking a look at the smartphone he had picked up at Nuthanger Farm earlier that day.
-"What are you doing with that phone?" Spartina asked, hopping over to him.
-"Oh, so THAT'S what it is!" Pipkin smiled, but this only lasted a few moments. "What is a phone?"
-"It's something humans use to talk to each other over long distances." Spartina had encountered a few discarded phones at Darkhaven, although she didn't want to mention this. "As long as both people involved have one, they can talk to each other, even if they are so far apart."
-"That sounds really useful." Pipkin thought back to Silverweed's vision of Leo. "Does this mean we could contact a human?
-"Theoretically, yes. But I don't know how to use this phone, so you would have to try random things and see what happens. Also, it might be best to take it back to your burrow, before Flyairth freaks out over the scent."
-"You're right." Pipkin recalled the ribbon incident a few days before, and was not eager to see a repeat of it. "Thanks for the help, Spartina."
Spartina nodded, and went to her burrow. Pipkin, however, did not go back to his own burrow, but rather towards Fiver and Vilthuril's.
-"I think I have found a way to get Leo back," he said, once inside.
-"If I remember correctly, Leo was somehow sent back to his own world yesterday?" Vilthuril asked.
-"That's him," Fiver said. "What is your plan, Pipkin?"
-"Spartina tells me that this phone could be used to contact him." Pipkin pushed the device towards Fiver.
-"Did she give this to you?"
-"No, I found it back at the farm."
-"I don't know...but I suppose we could try."
Pipkin nodded, and touched a random spot on the screen, which happened to be the redial button.
The man was getting ready for bed. He double-checked and triple-checked that all doors and windows were properly locked, that both alarm systems were functioning, and that none of the incredibly silly booby traps in his front and back yards had been disturbed. After the incident on the train, with the crazy fire on fire magician, and the rabbit couple threatening him with cartoon violence, he had to do everything in his power to remain safe. Suddenly, his phone rang; without checking the caller ID, he answered.
-"Who is this?"
-"We are the rabbits of Watership Down, and..."
-"Did you say rabbits?"
-"Yes, we..."
-"PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!"
-"Why would we hu..."
-"AAAAARRRGGGHHH!"
He tossed his phone against the wall, smashing it to bits, abruptly ending the call. He immediately regretted this: if...no, WHEN the rabbits would attack, he would have no way to contact emergency services for help.
Back at the warren, the rabbits were dismayed.
-"I don't know who this human was, but it looks like we scared him stiff," Vilthuril said sadly.
-"It will most likely take may failed attempts before we contact the right human," Pipkin said, as he tapped a random entry in the contact list.
-"Hello?" the person said.
-"Hello, is this Leo?" Fiver asked.
-"I'm afraid you have the wrong number."
-"Oh. Sorry to have bothered you." Fiver turned to Pipkin. "Perhaps we should wait until we know how to use this. Right now, all we're doing is randomly trying things and hoping for the best."
-"You're probably right." Pipkin shook his head. "Let me know if you have any visions about it."
-"I will. Good night, dear friend."
-"Good night Fiver."
Blackberry was hopping towards Blackberry's burrow. She really had to talk to him, after the dream she had during the reality crash. Before she could hop inside, however, she was tackled by the kittens.
-"Tell us a story, Blackberry!" Mallow said.
-"Mother and father do it every night, but they're already asleep," Gilia added.
-"Dandelion is also busy, doing weird mouth things with Hawkbit," Snowdrop said.
-"What's going on?" All the shouting outside his burrow had attracted Blackberry's attention, and he went to investigate. "Oh, that's enough." He gently pushed the kittens off the doe. "Why are you arguing? I thought you wanted to hear a story."
-"We do!" the kittens shouted in unison.
-"We'll tell you a story then," the doe said. "What kind of story do you want?"
-"Something funny!"
-"About hedgehogs!"
-"Hedgehogs? Why hedgehogs?"
-"YES, HEDGEHOGS!"
-"All right, all right, I'll tell you a story about hedgehogs," the doe said. "Just stay calm."
All six rabbits went to the Honeycomb and lied down, as Blackberry began:
"Ouch!" The small hedgehog hurt himself again while washing and cleaning...
-"Washing, cleaning, it's all the same thing, isn't it?" Snowdrop complained. "How repetitive!"
Blackberry shook her head, and continued the story:
What purpose did his spines have? He could never lie comfortably on his back in the sun like other creatures. Only yesterday, he had been forced to liberate his twin sister from a dense undergrowth in which she had gotten hopelessly caught.
-"That is a good brother!" Periwinkle said. "Unlike some other brothers I know."
-"Just what are you implying?" Mallow asked accusingly.
-"Perhaps you could learn from him! You're always letting the rest of us do all the work on patrol," Snowdrop said.
-"Just continue with the story, please," Gilia asked; Blackberry obeyed.
At the morning silflay...
-"Wait, hedgehogs silflay?
-"Of course they don't, that's purely a rabbit thing!"
-"You're starting to sound like Captain Broom."
-"Wow, I've always known you to make harsh comments, but this is the worst I've ever heard from you."
-"The truth," Periwinkle said, cutting off her siblings' argument, "is that hedgehogs do silflay, but they usually do so at night. So the story is wrong, but not for the reason you were thinking. Anyway, I'm enjoying this, keep going Blackberry."
"Right." Blackberry continued...
The two hedgehogs went out to play. They both ran around in a small meadow. They did not even notice what was coming from above. A giant hawk shot out of the clouds and wanted to grab the hedgehogs. He curled up, and the bird cried in pain as it struck the hedgehog's spines. It looked angry.
-"Did he not even try to protect his sister?" Mallow said. "Fine brother he is!"
-"Look who's talking!" Snowdrop rolled her eyes.
-"Why can't we all just protect each other?" Periwinkle suggested. "That's the easiest solution."
-"Yes, it probably is. But can we continue the story already?" Gilia was getting annoyed at all the interruptions.
The hedgehog reasoned that these spines were apparently not so bad," Blackberry said, "since they could protect from dangerous elil. But for the sake of safety, the two hedgehogs hid in the blackberry bush until the hawk flew away. When they came out again, they saw that some fruits had gotten stuck in their spines. A little shake and they were able to snack...
-"They're going to eat stuff that was stuck on themselves?" Snowdrop grimaced. "Ew!"
-"What's so bad about that?" Gilia asked. "I always step on berries before eating them."
-"Ew what is wrong with you? You are the worst sibling!"
-"No, the worst sibling is the first one to talk about such a horrible thing as a 'worst sibling'."
-"Can we just get back to the story already?" Periwinkle begged.
Across the road, there was a plum tree, which was just full of juicy fruits. Although the hedgehogs' parents had strictly forbidden it, they wanted to go there.
-"So, just like the orchard last fall," Snowdrop said.
-"Yes indeed," Blackberry said.
-"But they just ate the disgusting spine berries!" Mallow pointed out. "Why are they still hungry?"
-"Growing kittens need food," Periwinkle explained, "it must be the same for hedgehogs."
-"Don't you ever get tired of being the voice of reason all the time?" Gilia rolled her eyes.
-"Actually, yes, but I don't have much of a choice, do I? SOMEONE has to do it!"
But hardly had the hedgehog entered the road, a big hrududu rushed up. He was struck by one of the spinning black things, but luckily only a few spines were damaged. Now he knows from his own experience that his spines do not protect against everything. His sister was fine, but her leaf was quite dirty.
The four kittens stared at Blackberry for a few moments.
-"And then?"
-"Nothing," Blackberry said. "It's the end."
-"What kind of story was that?"
-"It makes no sense! There's no plot, there's no ending!"
-"Did you make it up as you go along?"
-"I liked it," the other Blackberry said.
-"Look, you're a really nice doe, Blackberry," Snowdrop said, "but you're not a very talented storyteller."
-"We need another story," Gilia said.
-"An actually decent one."
Mallow looked around the Honeycomb; apart from his sisters and the two Blackberry-s, there was only one rabbit present.
-"Nelthilta, tell us a story."
-"No," the doe replied.
-"Please please please, tell us a story!"
-"Yes, please!"
Nelthilta sighed; she was clearly not interested, and made no attempt at hiding her feelings.
-"Once, there was a rabbit called Dracul-rah," she said, without even looking at the kittens. "He was the Chief of some warren with a weird name, I forget the details, and he was a nasty creature. He didn't eat grass like regular rabbits, he drank blood instead. Apparently, the blood of misbehaving young kittens is especially delicious. The end."
The kittens stared at Nelthilta.
-"Well, that's...quite a story," Gilia said.
-"Yeah..." Mallow was shivering in fear. "Good thing it's just a story..."
-"Is it, though?" Nelthilta said, hopping away. "Is it really 'just a story'?"
-"Do...do you think..." Mallow was almost tharn. "...this Dracul-rah fellow really exists?"
-"I don't know," Snowdrop said, also shivering. "That's the problem with Nelthilta, it's her voice. She always sounds like that, regardless of if she's telling the truth or just joking around."
-"I think we could all use some sleep after this," Periwinkle suggested, still the voice of reason.
Her three siblings nodded, and hopped back to their burrow, whispering goodnights to the Blackberry-s. The buck had already fallen asleep; the doe, now unable to ask any questions to her namesake, retreated to her burrow.