Chapter 187: The Rude Royalty.

"He appreciated their intention, but found it ultimately frustrating."

-Celestial-Vapidity, You Can See the Whole World

In Darkhaven, things had largely gone back to normal for the rabbits, after the flood. The only reminders of the tragedy came when they occasionally found the corpses of drowning victims. Woundwort ordered them left by the pit, with the explicit goal of attracting elil; this would allow his incompetent owsla to fight them for practice. So far, none had come, forcing them to stick with traditional training instead. While Vervain had been gone since late the previous evening, nobody (apart from Orchis) had actually noticed his absence.

Woundwort sitting was on top of an old car, from which he observed the others. They were getting nowhere with traditional training, and the elil still weren't showing up, so Woundwort had come up with an alternative: digging a tunnel. This served two purposes: firstly, the tunnel would allow rainwater to drain away, avoiding a repeat of the flood. Secondly, this would be strengthen the diggers' paws and sharpen their claws. If their claws could tear through dirt, Woundwort reasoned, they could certainly tear through flesh.

-"General Woundwort!" came the faint voice of captain Orchis. "I have just made a revolutionary discovery!"

-"Where are you?" the General shouted. "Why aren't you digging?"

-"I'm near the barrel. I just discovered a brilliant new method of torture."

-"Come down this moment and help with the digging."

Orchis arrived soon afterwards, with a look of excitement on his face.

-"This will be so useful..."

-"Perhaps it will, but for now we don't have anyone to torture, so it is TOTALLY USELESS. Now dig!"

Orchis was torn between his desire to show off his new method of torture, and his loyalty to his Chief. Eventually, the latter won out and he joined the others in the tunnel, although he remained determined to perform a demonstration once the current task was finished. If, by that point, there was still no enemy rabbit to be tortured, Lady May would be an acceptable substitute.

However, the digging took longer than initially planned, and that evening, when Woundwort allowed everyone to take a break for the night, the tunnel was not yet finished; work would resume the next morning. Orchis considered inviting Woundwort to a demonstration once again, but after all the digging, he felt exhausted; it would have to wait a bit longer.

The new method of torture was not the only thing on Orchis' mind as he went back to his burrow: he was also preoccupied with Vervain. The two rabbits normally shared a burrow, but with Vervain gone, Orchis would sleep alone, cold and lonely. He was unsure whether he would even be able to get any sleep at all, or if he would merely stay awake all night worried.

While Vervain had not told him where he was going, he had a pretty good idea: he would be looking for Nepenthes. Whether he would actually find it, however, was another matter. Considering what he knew about Vervain, perhaps the most likely outcome would be for him to run back to Darkhaven like a coward at the first obstacle. Another possibility was for Vervain to die; without anyone to protect him from elil, that was also terrifyingly plausible.

Orchis wished he could have done more to help. In some ways, Vervain reminded him of himself, when he was younger. Unfortunately, Orchis' time at Nepenthes was all so long ago, the memories were slowly fading away, and he was no longer sure of the warren's location (especially after mistakenly leading Vervain to Silver-Inlé instead).

Orchis was about to lie down, when he heard Woundwort call for Vervain. The General would be furious when the captain failed to report, and possibly punish him harshly upon his eventual return; Orchis would have to step in to prevent that.

When Woundwort entered his burrow, he saw that most of its surface was covered with hay. For a moment, he wondered if he might have distractedly entered the wrong chamber, until he saw Lady May in the corner, her mouth full of fur, scratching the bedding.

-"What are you doing?" he asked in confusion.

-"I'm reorganizing the burrow," the doe replied. She momentarily looked at Woundwort, then turned away in disgust: he was still as ugly as ever. "If I'm going to be your queen, then we need a burrow fit for actual royalty."

Woundwort had almost forgotten about his request that Lady May become his queen; training his owsla took up most of his waking time, and he had not given any further thoughts to his offer after initially asking her. Considering her past attitude towards him, he was left a bit surprised by the sudden change.

-"I take it you have reconsidered my generous offer, and chosen to accept it?"

-"Generous?" Lady May repressed laughter. "Do you even believe that yourself? Regardless, I do think I'm going to give it a try. If it's the only way I'm going to survive here..."

Lady May's response was not entirely encouraging to Woundwort: it was clear she still held negative feelings towards him. But it still a slight improvement. She looked away again and started to scratch the hay on the ground.

-"So, what are you doing?"

-"Like I said, I'm reorganizing the burrow."

-"What's wrong with the way it used to be? It was already the most comfortable burrow in the warren."

-"Oof, if THAT was the best you had, I would hate to see your worst." Lady May shuddered. "How anyone could stand such a place is beyond me. Not to worry, once I'm done with this burrow, the rest will soon follow. What this warren needs is a tame rabbit's touch, to turn it into a place that's actually livable."

After thinking it over for a few moments, Woundwort came to the conclusion that Lady May's plan would be beneficial for everyone. If she was busy fixing up the burrows, she wouldn't be interfering with his war. And perhaps, if the owsla had more comfortable burrows, they might sleep better, and fight better.

-"Do what you feel you must," he said. "Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to get some sleep."

-"Good night then. I hope you don't snore."

Woundwort lied down on his side, and closed his eyes. As he tried to fall asleep, however, he kept getting distracted by the faint sound of scratching, and digging. Opening his eyes once again, he saw that Lady May was still hard at work at the other end of the burrow.

-"Will you take a break for tonight? I'm trying to sleep."

-"Hey, I have to sleep here too! How do you expect me to do that if the burrow is not comfortable?"

Woundwort struggled to control his fury. From the looks of it, Lady May was willing to spend the rest of the night fixing up the burrow until it met her impossibly high standards. Was having a queen really so important, that he would be willing to put up with such madness?

-"Not tonight."

-"Huh?" Lady May was displaying both confusion and annoyance.

-"Tonight, I'll be sleeping alone. You'll be with the Speaker of the Past."

-"The...who?" The annoyance in Lady May's voice had vanished, leaving only utter bewilderment. Woundwort, however, was not in the mood for lengthy explanations. He peaked out the chamber's entrance and shouted:

-"VERVAIN!"

-"Vervain is temporarily unavailable," Orchis said, as he arrived running. "He's gone on patrol or something."

-"Again?" Woundwort raised his eyebrow, then shook his head. "Whatever. Just take her to the Speaker."

Orchis nodded, but upon seeing Lady May peak out from behind Woundwort, he grimaced. She too grimaced upon seeing him.

-"Ugh...do I really have to go with that thing?" the captain said.

-"Ugh...do I really have to go with that jerk?" the doe said.

Woundwort sighed loudly. This should have been a simple task: asking an owsla officer to help an inexperienced doe find her way in an unfamiliar warren. Why was this so ridiculously complicated?

-"GRANITE!"

It took a few moments before Granite arrived. He was still half-asleep, but under the circumstances, he would have to do.

-"Yes, sir?"

-"Take her to see the Speaker," Woundwort ordered.

-"Yes, sir."

Once the other three rabbits were gone, Woundwort lied down and closed his eyes. He breathed a sigh of contentment: he would finally be able to get some sleep. Or, at least, that's what he thought, until he heard approaching footsteps. Reopening his eyes, he saw Granite staring at him.

-"Is there something wrong?"

-"There's a problem, yes. The Speaker says that Lady May sleeping with her is against the law."

There was always something going wrong, Woundwort thought; in this case, it was the Speaker's illogical obsession with the law.

-"Looks like there's only one option, then."

-"Which is?" Granite asked cluelessly.

-"Break the law. Now don't bother me again until morning."