It was a cold November morning but Remus could feel a layer of sweat seeping into his pajamas as he lay in bed. The full moon would rise the next night and his body knew it was coming. His temperature rose. His ears heard a pin drop. His nose smelled breakfast in the Great Hall all the way from the Gryffindor tower.
They were up against Ravenclaw that day; book smart kids more concerned with theory and strategy than creativity and whim. Clean players, at least, unlike Slytherin. They'd yet to go against them that season.
He took his place in front of the three hoops and watched Madam Hooch toss the quaffle up in the air. James dove in and caught it, bolting for the Ravenclaw goal and sinking it in as fast as a fired arrow. Remus cheered. The quaffle was then recovered by a Ravenclaw chaser pursued by various players in blue and red. Before they arrived at Remus's end, he heard the whistle of the bludger heading for him at the same time.
"Sirius!" he called.
Sirius whacked it off course only seconds before it made contact with Remus. He had just enough time to speed to the hoop and intercept the quaffle, throwing it to Audrey to deliver down the field.
His heart beat faster, stronger. His palms grew damp and slid down his broomstick. The shouts from the crowd elevated to a deafening volume. He tried plugging his ears, keeping watch of the field, to drown it out. Only as he did so, the quaffle made it through one of his hoops. It appeared out of nowhere. The Ravenclaw stands erupted in cheers.
"Damn it!"
"Chin up!" James shouted. He knew, like Sirius, the challenges Remus had to face that morning.
Don't screw up again. Don't let them down. Focus. Focus! he scolded himself.
He gritted his teeth and gripped his broom with both hands, determined to concentrate on the moving parts and players of the game.
His collar felt too tight. He couldn't catch his breath.
What if they all find out what I am? Can they see it from the ground? Would I ever play quiddich again?
Once more, the quaffle sailed through his goal. It was if he were drifting in and out of consciousness. James called a time out. Remus sailed to the ground and joined the huddle.
"Send someone else in," he told James. "Ask Peter. Anyone. I can't do it today."
James put his hands on Remus's shoulders. "You can. You've got to. We will not lose to Ravenclaw! Pull yourself together!"
"I'm trying!"
Sirius ran up and drew them aside so that the other players couldn't overhear. "Switch with me."
"What?"
"Switch positions with me. I'll be keeper. You hunt the bludgers down."
Remus scoffed but James looked intrigued.
"I'm nowhere as good as you," Remus said. "It can't work."
"Not usually," James replied. "But today? I think it's worth a try."
Sirius handed his club out to Remus. "Imagine the bludgers are rabbits. Mice. Deer. Let the instinct to chase take over."
"I haven't transformed yet."
"But I think you have."
Remus looked at James. He nodded his head.
"I hope you're right," he told Sirius.
"I'm always right."
He was most certainly right.
The motion was what Remus needed. He could hear the bludgers hiss through the air with ease and tailed them with a tremendous ferocity. He let out every angry and paranoid thought onto their surfaces as he bashed them away from his teammates. And when Gryffindor met on the ground to celebrate their victory, he'd never been so relieved to see the end of a match.
The hollers and cheers died down and they changed out of their uniforms to have lunch and walk to Hogsmeade. Eloise and Lily joined. Remus kicked a rock in his path with his shoe.
"Without your quick thinking we would have lost today," he told Sirius. "And it would have been all my fault."
"But we didn't."
"You would have had a hell of a time getting the House Cup with a loss to Ravenclaw," Eloise pointed out, in a not so helpful manner.
"Cheer up," Lily said. "All's well that ends well."
But he kept his hands in his pockets and his eyes on the path the rest of the way to Hogsmeade. He felt helpless against his own body. The match may have ended but his aggression and angst had not. No amount of walloping with a club could tame that feeling.
He needed a pick-me-up; to forget, just for a while, what the next night's sky would display. And he was willing to do just about anything to accomplish that goal.
Emmaline dressed in a turtleneck, skirt, and woolen stockings for her trip to Hogsmeade. Poor Eliza begged to go but wasn't allowed until her third year, so she promised to bring back as many goodies as her bag could carry.
When she turned the key and entered the shop the aroma gave her nose a sweet embrace. Chocolate, vanilla, spices, and mint wafted in the air depending on which aisles she browsed. A few unfamiliar boxes lined the shelves and Emmaline had just picked one up to examine when the kitchen door opened.
"She's back!" The Flumes both said together.
Replacing the box on the shelf, Emmaline rushed forward into their very real embrace and savored the two pairs of arms that wrapped around her.
"How's school been so far?" Mrs. Flume asked. "I've made some hot chocolate. Tell us all about it."
"Let her settle in, for Pete's sake," Mr. Flume grumbled.
"That's all right, can't let the chocolate get cold," Emmaline replied. "And we only have an hour before opening."
"I've made up some new ice cream flavors," Mrs. Flume went on.
"I saw some other new things on the shelves, too. You've been busy!"
"Come, come, we'll show you everything."
Emmaline shared the news of Eliza arriving at Hogwarts. She did not mention Zachary or any of the Slytherin antics for fear of worrying them. Meanwhile, Mrs. Flume had her taste test some new formulas and inventions, some of which turned her fingernails rainbow and her eyes like a cat's, albeit temporarily.
When it came time to open the shop, business lagged on account of the quiddich match at the school that morning. After lunch, though, leagues of kids wandered down from the castle dressed in Ravenclaw blue or Gryffindor red. Emmaline heard which was the victor and hoped she might see Remus. She sat beside the window with an ice cream cone, "Christmas" themed as Mrs. Flume had named it, another experiment that combined the flavor of candy canes, sugar cookies, eggnog, and fruit cake into one gelato. She was to report back on whether it would delight or offend their customers.
He appeared alongside the rest, face a little cast down, but Emmaline's own elation distracted her from noticing like she would have otherwise. In any case, when Remus looked through the window and saw her waving, his expression lit up, making her all the more jubilant.
"What do you say?" Mrs. Flume asked beside her.
"Huh?"
"Of the ice cream?" She clarified. "Ought I to serve it up next month or toss the batch?"
"It's wonderful," Emmaline sighed. "Don't change a thing."
Truth was she could barely taste anything like candy canes or sugar cookies, only joy.
Remus continued walking with James and Sirius but Lily ducked into the shop.
"Emmaline, can you join us?"
She hesitated.
"Oh, go on," said Mrs. Flume. "Don't let us keep you."
"In a little while," Emmaline told Lily. "After the shop closes."
"Great!" her friend replied. "See you soon!"
He remembered Emmaline saying she'd be at Honeydukes at the exact moment he looked through the shop's window and saw her eating an ice cream cone and waving at him. It was so unexpected that he chuckled in spite of his terrible mood. Lily told them she'd catch up and went inside to say hello, so he and the rest continued on to The Three Broomsticks.
Eloise scoffed. "No wonder she got so fat."
Remus stopped. "Who?"
"Emmaline. Didn't you notice?"
"Are you daft?"
"Sounds like you need to learn the difference between fat and...stacked," Sirius replied, taking another glance back through the Honeydukes window.
"Sirius," Remus reprimanded.
"Sorry."
"I don't know what she expected, eating candy all summer," Eloise added.
"Why are you always so vile towards her?" Remus asked as he grabbed the handle of the pub door. "People like you are the reason she never wants to come around anyone."
Her reply, if she made one, was drowned out by the happy chatter pouring out from the pub. It was warm and crowded and a band played music on the tiny stage in the back corner. They snagged the last open table and put their jackets on the chairs to reserve their spaces.
"First round is on me," James declared.
As he went to the bar to order drinks, Sirius elbowed Remus and pointed to a table across the aisle from theirs. Two girls, blondes, were sitting together. When they noticed the boys looking their way they smiled alluringly and giggled. Remus felt adventure brewing as he smiled back.
James brought an armload of fire whiskeys and dropped them on the table with several loud clinks. Each Marauder took his by the handle (Peter for camaraderie sake) and joined them in the middle to cheer their victory.
"To my versatile teammates," James said. "Who came together and defeated Ravenclaw in a way only we could!"
Remus rolled his eyes and shook his head but cheered good-naturedly. After they downed their glasses and felt the fizz numb their nerves, Remus and Sirius decided it was time to get up and make the evening more interesting. They approached the table with the two blonde girls and introduced themselves.
"So what are you celebrating?" One girl asked.
Sirius launched into the heroics of their quiddich match with her while Remus locked eyes with the other. She rose from her chair and stood next to him.
"We're visiting with our parents," she said.
He looked around the pub disparagingly. Parents would prevent any measure of fun.
She must have noticed him. "They aren't here," she snickered. "They're having dinner at the inn down the street."
"Brilliant," he told her.
They had some trouble hearing each other over the music but he gathered that her name was Samantha, she was nineteen, from Wales, and that Hogsmeade was the last stop before their trip back home. He offered to buy her a drink.
"Do you have a girlfriend?" she asked.
"I should hope not," he answered.
To that she grinned again. "Good."
"And I can't say I'm looking for one," he continued. "Does that bother you?"
She shook her head. "Wanna dance?"
He didn't answer, only set down his drink and grabbed her hand to pull her to the dance floor, where Sirius was already swaying with her sister. Up close with their chests pressed together, he could see down the front of her low cut shirt and almost, almost, distinguish the color of her eyes. Were they blue? It didn't matter. He was more interested in her mouth, only inches away, saying, "I'm determined to have fun on my last night of holiday."
He leaned in to kiss her but she said, "Come with me."
She led him into the hall, where she opened the door to the bathroom, pulled him inside, and closed the latch.
Emmaline wished she'd worn something more exciting. Or at the very least, less warm. The minute she entered the pub the heat was oppressive. Bodies stood everywhere and she had to make a great effort not to touch anyone as she sidled around them to search for Lily. When she found her, she felt terribly intrusive because only she and James sat at the table. She wondered where everyone else had gone, particularly Remus.
"Emmaline, you made it!"
She waved and sat across from the pair of them. "Having fun?" she asked.
"Yes, so glad you could join us!"
"Did everyone else go back to the castle?"
"No, they're around here somewhere!"
Emmaline decided she might try looking for him and maybe order a butterbeer because she'd heard they were good.
But only after she used the bathroom.
They wasted no time. Sex in a public place had to be quick, before anyone on the outside could find out, especially a parent who'd just finished dinner and wanted to collect their daughter before turning in for the night. He kissed her mouth but it tasted like cigarettes. He moved down to her neck and pushed the straps of her shirt off her shoulders so that it fell below her breasts.
"You aren't shy at all, are you?" Samantha said.
She sure seemed to like talking.
He took in the exquisite view for only a moment before returning his lips to her body. This was exactly what he needed: her nipple between his teeth and her moans in his ear, but most of all, her desire for him to be close.
She tried to do the same, only he didn't allow her to remove his shirt. He was in no mood to give his usual explanations for the scars, or have them displayed in the mirror opposite him. So she continued down his torso and unbuckled his belt and slipped his pants below his hips. Her hands worked quickly; she'd done this many times before, and her mouth confirmed it. All of his troubles vanished as soon as her tongue brushed him from base to tip. He closed his eyes and tilted his head back, embracing the shocks of gratification the shot up his spine.
But then something happened he did not expect.
He saw Emmaline. She was sitting in the shop as he'd seen her an hour before. The ice cream she was eating was melting, white liquid dripping from her lips. But she was no longer licking a dessert; her mouth was around him, pleasuring him instead of Samantha. He could feel his orgasm rise at a dangerous rate.
His eyes shot open and he pulled away.
What had just happened?
Samantha stood up and he went back at her, lifting her onto the sink. She opened her legs and he reached up her skirt to pull her underwear down. He didn't ask. He didn't have to. Her hands pawing at his hips gave all the permission he needed. He pushed into her and again the bliss took over. She felt even better this way, and he loved watching her face show as much euphoria as his. She uttered the most wonderful sounds as she leaned back on her elbows, her head bumping against the mirror every time he thrusted. His eyes closed.
Again he saw her.
They were in the greenhouse. Emmaline was giving him that look, with her eyes wide and lips parted, playing with the hem of her skirt. She pulled it up her thighs saying, "You'll show me how?"
He tried to stop. He opened his eyes, but it didn't make any difference. In his mind he was inside her, imagining her face a mix of pain and pleasure and sexual awakening, her inner thighs trickling with blood, her nails scratching down his back, her voice whimpering. He knew it was wrong but it felt too good to stop.
He came so hard he could hardly catch his breath.
"Fuck. Fuck!" he moaned before he collapsed.
He rested his head on Samantha's chest to calm his racing heart. When the clouds finally parted and he could think clearly again, he rose and looked down to see her still smiling, just as satisfied. But he couldn't smile back. It was sick what he'd just done, fantasizing sex with an unsuspecting girl, a friend, he'd safeguarded against the likes of Sirius and Zachary. Not just any sex, the kind that would hurt her, make her his, ruin her, as he had once described it. And he'd enjoyed it too much to stop.
Afraid I'll beat you to it?
He was just as bad as the rest, if not worse, because she trusted him to be better.
A sound brought him back to the present. The door to his right opened with a click. The latch, apparently faulty, gave entry as though it didn't exist. And out of everyone to stumble into the bathroom and see him in that state, it had to be Emmaline Kelly.