"Something is… off."

Mai glanced over at me, frowning. "What are you-" But she stopped, brow furrowing and nose crinkling in confusion. "Wait… I feel it too."

"Right?" I said. The two of us were in bed, having just woken up, and the sensation that something was wrong was roaring through my veins. It was like waking up in the middle of the night only to find a light that you knew shouldn't be on glowing from the corner of the room. You knew it shouldn't be on but your sleepy sluggish brain couldn't figure out what it was.

"Marik?" she asked. "Or Ishizu? Maybe a god thing?" I saw her features change ever so slightly in the darkness of the room. "No…" Selene said, sounding just as confused. "It isn't me or cousin Brom."

"Cousin Brom?" I asked. "What is this, Downton Abbey? Are we going to begin talking about the servants' quarters and the new laws for women's voting rights? Maybe discuss the pigs like they wouldn't stop bringing up in Series 4."

Selene tilted her head. "You know we really need to get back to watching that." I was actually watching it with Mai but considering how confusing the Mai/Selene thing could get I didn't bother to correct her. "I want to see how they get out of Matthew's car accident. There is simply no way he passed away."

"Uh… right," I muttered just as Mai took back over. "Welcome back. Selene has no fucking idea what is going on. With right now or what is coming on Downton Abbey."

"Wonderful," my girlfriend said, shifting up next to me. "Maybe we can just go back to sleep and let someone else take care of this?"

"Considering the Multiverse keeps screaming at me that I am super important?" I shook my head. "Hey, why isn't there a Maiverse?"

"Oh, you'd like that."

"Only fair! There is a Chaosverse and you and I aren't together in all of them."

"More the pity. Every Edwin should be with his Mai."

~Meanwhile, on Earth-7~

"That is an attractive man," Mai, assassin and goon of Emperor Pilaf stated as she watched Avo Kayos walk by, arms loaded with goodies the gang had asked him to pick up as they prepared for whoever had made a wish on the Dragon Balls.

Kayos, for his part… didn't know why but felt an odd disturbance in the Force.

Or magic.

Whatever the fuck you wanted to call it.

"Well at least things aren't going goofy on me," he commented, having no idea that the Omni King was watching Earth-1 and had decided that HE wanted a Christmas Filler Arc special too…

~MC~MC~MC~

"Still, I guess its nothing," I muttered. "We're still on the blimp, right?"

"Still on it," Mai confirmed, looking about the darkness. She paused and I could hear a slight purr rumble out of her throat as she said, "I can think of something else other than sleep we could do to kill time."

"Minx," I said with a smirk as I reached out… and let out a groan. "Oh fuck."

"That's the idea."

"No, I mean that… Mai, look." I reached over and turned on the light, sitting up so Mai could see the matching Christmas pajamas we were wearing. Cheery red ones with dancing reindeer on them.

"OH FUCK OFF!" Mai shouted, flopping back down on the bed. "Another filler arc?"

"Honestly with how Christmas keeps creeping up closer and closer to Halloween I'm surprised this one didn't come first-"

"Seriously!? We got… one duel in and another fucking filler arc?" Mai pressed her hands to her eyes and let out a strangled scream. "And we can't even get Selene to get us out of this, can we?"

"Apparently she loves this Christmas Filler Arcs. Says it's the perfect way to honor the one Lord and Savior."

"…how does that even work when she's a greek goddess?"

"I've stopped questioning these things." Mai glanced at me but before she could say a word there was a pounding on our cabin door. Getting up and slipping my feet into some reindeer slippers (complete with little glowing red noses) I trudged to the door and opened it, blinking as I stared at a panting Tea… who was dressed in a snowman onsie pajama set. Complete with a carrot sticking out of the hoodie part so she looked like a vegan unicorn.

"What. Is. Going. On."

"Christmas Filler Arc," I commented. "Just pray this year everyone isn't really into feet pics."

~MC~MC~MC~

"And I want the sprinkles… and the more whip cream… and can I get some gummy bears on there? They sound real good!"

The person in charge of the waffle bar merely smiled. "You can get whatever you wish! These are your special Christmas waffles, after all!"

"Do you have caramel syrup?"

"We have ANYTHING you can ask for." The server winked. "Christmas magic."

Joey rubbed his hands together, a massive grin on his face. "Oh man, then I am going out!"

Another waffler (or whatever they were called, Tea had no idea), glanced up at her. "And you, miss?"

Tea tried to be happy. Tried to be polite. But having returned to her room after having a meltdown over another filler arc only to discover that all her clothes had been replacements with Christmas sweaters and festive hats had left her feeling utterly out of it.

"Uh… I don't know…"

"She'd like two waffles," Edwin stated, sliding next to her. "One with syrup and some whipped cream and the other covered in 40 thousand dollar bills."

The waffler blinked… before shrugging and getting to work.

"Edwin!" Mai snapped.

"What? Tea's father is in jail! She deserves a nice Christmas bonus! Nothing but the best for my new baby sister."

Tea couldn't help but smile at the warm feeling that overtook her at him calling her that. "Thanks… but I'm not sure-"

The waffler set down the two plates and Tea stared at all the money that was carefully rolled up and stacked on top of her waffle.

"…wow."

"Filler Arc!" Edwin declared happily as he stepped up, Tea hurriedly shoveling the money into her pockets. "I would like two waffles with standard syrup and some holiday sprinkles and another one with a custom lightsaber with a gold blade, and the final one with… hmmm…" he did a headcount, "100 vials of immortality potion."

"There is no way that is going to work," Mai muttered.

"I had to duel Santa the first year we did this. Its going to work."

"I can't believe I didn't realize then how weird that was," Tea stated.

"I know, right?" Edwin said with a laugh.

"This time of year is Santa's busiest, he wouldn't have time to duel you!"

Edwin just stared at her even as his order came up. "…drink your immortality, Tea," Edwin muttered, knocking back his own vial.

Tea merely looked at the contents of the little glass tube before shrugging and downing the elixir. "Filler arcs don't intrude on the real world so its not like this is real."

"Tell that to Edwin's morpher," Mai said, not taking a vial since she was immortal already. Tea glanced at Edwin who opened his coat to reveal his morpher, causing Tea to choke a little but still get the potion down. She stared at her hands dumbly, wondering what she'd just done.

"Heheheh," Edwin said, igniting his lightsaber and waving it around. "Add this to the fucking arsenal."

Tea crinkled her nose. "You're competing with Wyatt, aren't you?"

"Lousy cowboy-looking jackass," Edwin said bitterly but he couldn't help but fall into a better mood as he deactivated his lightsaber and clipped it to his belt before holding out his hand and summoning Gleipnir.

"I'm getting slightly concerned with how many weapons you've managed to collect," Mai commented as they moved to one of the tables, they being the first ones to have been served seeing as Joey was still making his order and the rest were still getting dressed. "Enchanted God weapon, ancient Egyptian Artifact, Ranger Morpher, and now a lightsaber?"

"I know, right?" Edwin said as he looked down at his elegant weapon (for a more civilized age). "You want one too? Maybe a tiny duel blade lightsaber? Aw, I should have gotten a double edge one!" He looked at the waffle bar. "Think I can go back for seconds?"

"How about we worry about the Christmas Filler Arc first?" Mai stated. "Like what we're going to have to deal with or if anyone else is going to wake up."

"Well, last Christmas was you and Halloween was Tea… and MAYBE Bakura? That one I wasn't for sure of." Edwin settled in his chair. "As for now I assume that we are in for a world ending event. Things have been escalating. First I dueled Santa and Frosty and then it was me dealing with terrorists. So now I assume its going to be… I don't know… Rudolph creating a nuclear bomb to blow up the Earth as revenge for the teasing he suffered in his childhood." He began to bob his head back and forth. "Rudolph with your bomb so bright, won't you commit genocide tonight"." He chuckled only to see Mai and Tea staring at him in horror. "I'm not looking forward to it."

"I can call PaniK right now," Mai warned.

"We're on the blimp!" Edwin exclaimed. "He won't be able to get here!"

~Meanwhile…~

"Merry Christmas cousin Titan!" PaniK said, handing a gift over to the other giant of a man who liked to wear long coats and was obsessed with the darkness. Of course at that moment they were both in their feetie pajamas surrounded by their equally huge family members. In fact they were the smallest ones in the room.

Titan tore open the package and let out a gasp. "Bluey Season 1 and 2!" He looked at PaniK and sniffed. "Open yours."

PaniK did so and laughed. "Bluey Season 1 and 2!"

"Awwwww!" Their 9 foot tall grandmother said, reaching over to pinch their cheeks. "my sweet boys…"

~MC~MC~MC~

"My point is that we need to be ready for anything. Especially since things have drastically changed."

Tea frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Every filler arc has begun with me waking back up at my apartment despite me being someplace else," Edwin pointed out. "First me, then Mai and me. I'm guessing since we're siblings that's why all three of us didn't wake up in bed together and Mai get your mind out of the gutter!" Mai merely glanced at Tea, wiggling her eyebrows and making the younger woman blush. "But still… its odd that we are on the blimp and apparently continuing with the Battle City Tournament rather than… I don't know… going to a party or visiting the North Pole." He frowned as he cut into his actual waffle (the others he'd probably eat as well, just out of a hatred of wasting food). "Making me nervous and thus why I got a lightsaber."

Tea smiled, patting him on the arm. "Edwin, you are being paranoid. Maybe we will just have Christmas on the blimp!"

"With the two deranged Egyptians with ancient relics forged via murderous sacrifice and powered by a dark god."

"…what?" Tea said softly.

"Edwin…" Mai warned.

"Shit, you forgot about that?" He grimaced. "Uh… so funny story! Know how the Millennium items were forged by the Pharaoh's uncle by sacrificing 100 people, tossing them alive into a vat of gold? Well that allowed him to tap into the power of a dark god who wants to destroy the world who is cousins with Selene… oh, speaking of we need Tea on the list of people to bring with us if we fail in keeping Selene from making me a god and abandoning Earth. I'm not letting my sister be a torture slave for Zorc."

Mai blinked as Selene took control. "Oh, I figured that was a given anyway. I always need more priestesses."

Tea just stared at Edwin as Mai took back control… before wolfing down her waffle and hurrying back to the bar, cutting in front of a confused Koyo. "I'd like a waffle with a white ranger morpher and a lightsaber, please."

"God, she really is family," Edwin said fondly as Mai bit her lip, debating if she shouldn't go after her Ranger Slayer morpher.

"Attention duelists!" a voice called out over the intercom system.

"And here it comes," Edwin muttered as Tea returned, revealing her mini double bladed purple lightsaber and new morpher, Edwin giving her a thumbs up (and Koyo wondering at the weird toppings the three were selecting). "Mai, you might want to…"

"Yeah," she said, moving to get in line.

"To thank you for being part of the Battle City Tournament and to celebrate the holiday season Mr. Kaiba is proud to announce that we will be soon be landing in Little Town, Colorado-"

"What evil must I fight now?" Edwin muttered.

"-for a three night stay at the Little Town Inn-"

"Well, not the Overlook so we dodged that."

"-and a small town festive vacation."

And with that… the announcement ended.

"…huh," Edwin said, tilting his head. "That was… odd. Nothing dangerous at all."

"Maybe a good sign?" Tea ventured.

That's Renard walked up to the table, head tilted in confusion, Yuri looking about wildly. "Captain… how is it already Christmas?"

"…FAB," Tea, Edwin, and a returned Mai all called out.

~MC~MC~MC~

Mokuba knocked on his brother's door. "Big brother?"

"In here," Seto said gruffly, Mokuba slowly pushing the door open, backing into the room with a tray held in his hands.

"I brought you some breakfast, Big Brother!" Mokuba said cheerfully.

"Why do you keep calling me that?" Seto asked.

"What?" Mokuba said, confused. His brother hadn't it said it rudely or mean. More… confused. Which was an odd tone for his big brother to have.

"Big brother," Seto said. "You call me that… a lot. Like every ten minutes." Mokuba fully turned and saw that his brother was hard at work at his desk, rolling back and forth between his laptop and his computer. "Its like you are an anime character having to remind the audience every few minutes that we are related because we look nothing alike and if you don't remind them they might think you are a child I kidnapped and I'm raising as my son."

"…that isn't what you did, right?" Mokuba said, a touch worried. "Because that is what our stepfather did-"

"Which is why I wouldn't do it Mokuba. I don't take his sloppy seconds."

"Please never say that again," Mokuba said with a shudder before looking to find a place to set the tray that was loaded down with food. "And I call you that because its your name!"

That caused Seto to look away from his computer screen. "Wait… you think my name is Big Brother?"

"Yeah!" Mokuba chirped. "Big Brother Seto Kaiba!"

He stared at him for a long moment before finally saying, "I think we need to increase your therapy sessions, Mokuba."

"Okay," Mokuba said with a shrug, not really sure WHY Seto was bringing that up but figuring there must be some reason. "So, you ready for us to land and celebrate Christmas?"

"Yes," Seto said. "I've already asked Chaos to take you shopping. And later on Volpe has agreed to caroling so you'll have fun with that. The next day is the big Christmas Festival so you'll have fun with that… I think the Gardners will be taking you then along with Chaos." A bit softer he muttered, "Tea might be the only one of Yugi's friends I trust to actually keep you from getting kidnapped."

"That only happened one time on Christmas and we forced the elves to give me back!" Mokuba complained. "But what about you, Big Brother? What are you going to be doing?"

"Business," Seto proclaimed dryly. "I'm looking into putting a KaibaCorp factory in Little Town… that's why I arranged for much of the staff to come here. I have to give them the holidays off but nothing says I can't get their opinions on things."

"But Seto!" Mokuba whined even as he grabbed his waffles. "Its Christmas! Can't you put aside business for once?"

"No," Seto said.

He went back to his computers while Mokuba just stared at him before realizing he had only one choice.

"Big Brother…" Mokuba said, putting on the most adorable pout ever.

Seto gave a full body shudder, gripping the edge of his desk. "Mokuba, stop it at once."

"But Big Brother," Mokuba said, sticking out his lower lip.

"Mokuba, I need to focus on business. And then I need to focus on the business business. And then I have busy business work and busy business business and the business busy business. I'm already delaying that business business busy.

"But Seto…" Mokuba said, turning on the pout to full innocent cuteness.

And that's when the door to the office burst open and Tristan walked in, almost robotic in his steps.

"Must. Give. Mokuba. What. He. Wants." Tristan said, picking up the boy and carrying him away.

"Curse my adorableness!"

"Live by the cute, die by the cute," Seto muttered.

~MC~MC~MC~

"Huh," I said as I looked at the town of Little Town. "This place is… odd."

"What do you mean?" Mai said with a grin, adjusting her rather chic white winter coat with fur trim. "Its beautiful!"

"Yeah," I said slowly. "Like from a post card or the like."

The blimp had landed just outside of town and at once we'd found a place that was a world of contradictions. Little Town was at once a small little village, with the quaint Main Street that didn't have any traffic lights and was lightly dusted in snow already with plenty of decorations on every window of every shop. The kind of place where, according to the research we'd done, everyone knew everyone's name.

Yet it also boasted a large hotel, a mall, a sports stadium, a giant park that was on the level of Central Park, an orchard, a huge school distract…

It had everything a major city like New York or Detroit would have while also being utterly tiny.

"Uh, exactly," Mai said, clearly not getting why I was worried. And honestly I couldn't explain it either. There was just something… off… about the place.

Renard frowned, him and Yuri still looking a touch bewildered after Tea, Mai, and I had given them the 'Filler Arc Speech'. "Captain, I thought you said that filler arcs have death and destruction?"

"Admittedly I think only last Christmas had that," I said as we began to walk towards our hotel. The others had quickly got distracted by a thousand different things but I had made clear I wanted us to get our stuff put away before we explored the town. While it didn't really matter because most likely we would just appear back on the blimp with all our gear once the Filler was done with I still didn't like lugging around my suitcase.

"Oh god we killed Garfield!" Yuri proclaimed, staring at her hands in horror. "I… don't mind you murdering Dilbert but Garfield!"

"He has nine lives?" Tea said weakly.

"But I am ready this year," I said. "I have my Morpher. I have the Key. I have Glepneir. I have my lightsaber-"

"I still think we need to talk about that," Yuri said, pointing to the cylinder that was dangling from my belt.

"Yeah, I still can't decide if I should have gone for a double edged one. I mean, it would look really badass but its kinda become a cliché now for Mary Sues and I'm already DANGEROUSLY close to becoming one since everyone loves me…"

A snowball hit me in the face.

"That is just the first of many ways I will get my vengeance upon you!" Ishizu called out before running away.

"…everyone important loves me," I muttered as Mai handed me some tissues to wipe my face off. "But this year I am ready for whatever shit Christmas and my birthday bring!"

"Should we call PaniK?" Yuri asked worriedly.

"Only if we want him to bring food," I declared. "I am perfectly sane and not going to harm anyone."

My friends all gave me a sharp look.

"…fuck you four too."

"Ugh, no," Tea said, crinkling her nose. "Sorry Edwin but… no."

That made me laugh.

"I must admit," Renard said as we continued along the main street sidewalk to our hotel, "this is a lovely place though. Beautiful shops, plenty of unique restaurants-"

"We must find a mom and pop pizza place," I said. "I love those places… yeah, they cost a lot but sometimes it is just fun to try out what an independent place can do!" Mai reached over and threaded her arm around me and, after a moment, I pulled her into a hug. "Date night?"

"Date night," Mai confirmed, snuggling up next to me. "Shopping too. Though I do want us to make sure we throw everything in your safe."

"Do we really need to shop?" I asked, gesturing at our outfits. When we'd found all our clothing replacements by Christmas gear we'd ALSO discovered that much of it was of the highest quality. Long coats. Fur cuffed outfits. Everything that would have looked perfect on the Hollywood elite had ended up in everyone's closet. Everyone else hadn't batted an eye but for the five of us it had been shocking. Yuri had nearly had a heart attack when she'd checked on google and discovered her boots cost more than her apartment before she'd moved into my tower.

"We kept all our presents from the last three Christmases," Yuri pointed out. "So maybe they will stick around too."

"I'm taking no chances. FAB could rear its ugly head." I tilted my head. "Too late to get a waffle with Iron Man's armor? I mean, also cliché-"

"Edwin?" Mai said gently. "Could we maybe go a few minutes just enjoying the town and the holiday before you begin plotting for your siege?"

"It wouldn't be my siege it would be the one I am forced into… but fine." I let out a sigh before kissing the top of Mai's head. "I will do my best."

And that's when a door in front of us burst open.

"WE'RE UNDER ATTAK!" I shouted and Tea and I ignited our lightsabers.

"Wow, couldn't have gone for Christmas colors?" the intruder said with a grin, wiggling a half filled wine glass at us.

"…Cassie?" I said, blinking in surprise at the Industrial Illusions Lore Mistress. Admittedly it had been a while since I'd seen her… well, that version of her. It was still odd to think there was another version of her running about as trans Ash Ketchum.

"Hey Edwin!" the British woman said with a grin. "See you are getting all cuddly. Very indecent… and I mean that only because it is indecent I don't have someone to cuddle!"

"are… are you drunk?" Tea asked.

"Getting there, sweetheart!" Cassie declared before waving us off. "I kid. I kid. Though not really."

"You know when you make jokes about being an alcoholic I tend to assume those are cries for help," I stated.

"The only cry for help I am having is to get a refill!" Cassie declared.

Renard merely stared her down. "It's 8:30 in the morning."

"…and?"

"Why?" I asked her. I knew Cassie liked to have a wee nip at work but this was far different.

Something flashed over her features. A moment of… serious clarity. "All these movies have the sarcastic lush who makes comments over her wine glass. Makes the women watching feel like they are far more clever than they actually are when they get drunk."

"What?" Mai said flatly.

But then the moment was gone and Cassie was laughing. "Sorry, I need to go! So little time, so many wines!"

"Was… was that supposed to rhyme?" Tea asked, the rest of us all shrugging. "It feels like she was trying to make that rhyme and just… failed."

"Why did she refer to this as a movie?" Renard asked.

Something was tickling the back of my mind. Something I was missing…

And it only got worse when we saw Martin, KaibaCorp's insurance lawyer, hurry past with a briefcase and a snide look on his face.

"Uh, Martin?" I asked, holding out my free arm to stop him. "What is going on? Why are you here… why is everyone here?"

"Mr. Kaiba brought us here as a reward for our hard work this last year. Though I do think it is rather foolish… we have work to do and too many of them are treating this as a holiday where they get to relax."

"Yes, how dare they not work on their holiday." Yuri said dryly.

Martin adjusted his glasses… which he normally didn't wear so that had me rather confused. "I know you are mocking me but the fact remains that there is work to be done. Little Town's local factory must be torn down in order to put in the new KaibaCorp factory and I am the one handling it."

"…why?" I asked.

"Because I am the businessman that wants to shut down the local factory but is defeated because of a talent show."

"…and again I ask 'why'?" I demanded but Martin just walked off, leaving me even more befuddled. "Something is very wrong here."

"I know, right?" Mai said and I looked over… to see her with a wine glass. "They call this a Medium?" When I merely glowered at her she waved her hand dismissively. "You have a problem with booze. I have a problem with you having kept me from booze." And with that she took a drink, looking rather smug.

"I must admit I can't tell if you are being paranoid or not, Captain," Renard stated as he looked around the town. "Have you noticed that everyone is oddly well dressed?"

That caused Yuri to frown. "Not… really. Everyone seems rather casual."

I mentally agreed. A lot of jeans and brightly colored jackets. Hats and mittens and earmuffs. No suits and ties or luxury dresses to be seen.

"Yes but expensive casual," Renard continued.

Mai swallowed another sip of wine, nodding to one woman who was hurrying by. "Huh… they really are. That coat there is worth 500 dollars."

"FIVE HUNDRED?!" I screeched.

"Edwin?" Tea said slowly. "Your entire outfit costs over 5000 dollars."

"…how!?" I demanded, gesturing at what I was wearing. "These shoes should be 60 bucks but only after a Buy One Get One For A Dollar Sale!"

But all the women in the group merely shook their heads. "No," Tea finally said. "Those shoes are worth at least 200. And the jeans are 900 dollars!"

I stared at the denim in horror.

"The shirt-"

"Please stop!" I whined.

"Seriously?" Yuri said but Mai rolled her eyes.

"He hates wearing expensive clothing. He loves his Dad Shoes and cheap plaid shirts and socks he stole from a homeless man."

"My socks are just bulk walmart ones, thank you very much!" I said with a sniff.

"Edwin, everyone is wearing really expensive clothing!" Tea complained, gesturing at Joey and Serenity who walked by on the other side of the street. I tilted my head… the blue winter vest Serenity had over her white sweater did look expensive… "I assumed this was a FAB thing."

"If it is then it is being very weird." I looked about the town.

"So wait," Yuri said, holding up a hand. "Us having to duel Santa and the Peanuts gang being terrorists isn't weird… but this is?"

"That is normal FAB weirdness. This is… something else." I rubbed my chin. "And I will figure it out…"

~MC~MC~MC~

"Seto, can we check out that candy shop?" Mokuba asked, happily bouncing around his brother as they walked down the street.

But the older of the Kaiba brothers pressed his mouth into a firm line. "Perhaps… but only if you understand we aren't going to be buying everything they sell. I don't want you ruining your appetite…"

"Okay, big brother!"

Unbeknownst to the two someone neither of them wanted to see again was spying on them.

'Finally,' Susan Marison, the deranged young woman who believed herself to be Seto's immortal love, thought with a dark smile. 'I just KNEW if I came to this town it would allow me and Seto to find each other again! And now, through the magic of Christmas, we will be able to be together! I will just need to get rid of everyone else… perhaps a gaseous cloud that causes everyone to collapse in agonizing pain while sparing me and my dear Seto would do the trick…'

Susan smirked as she stepped out of the alley she had hidden in (an… oddly clear and nice looking alley full of Christmas decorations that had her tilting her head in a bit of confusion before her focus on her sweet Seto took her mind off such things) and began to walk down the street. She had considered revealing herself to Seto right then and there but… no.

'I must do something very special for him. Something wonderful and delightful and magical! Tis the season for such things. I will help make sure that this Christmas is the perfect one for us to be joined together. After all that is why Christmas is the holiday most known for love!'

Rather pleased with herself she made her way down the street… only to slam into a tanned skinned man.

"Watch where you are going, you disgusting creature, or I will slice off your face and then wear it while I fuck you with my knife so you get to watch yourself as your insides end up on your outsides!" Letting out a huff she continued on, dismissing the man from her mind.

~MC~MC~MC~

"Well, that was rather rude," Ishizu said before shaking her head. "Well, no matter. I am glad that despite our utter hatred for each other we can all spend Christmas together as a family. After all, we might worship the Egyptian Gods but… Christmas." She looked down at Odion. "Isn't that right?"

Odion, who was still in a coma and thus being pushed around in a wheelchair, didn't say a word.

"Glad you agree," she said, patting his head. "Now then Marik, would you rather buy gifts for each other or do a Secret Santa thing. If we do the latter and you get my name please remember to I would love anything featuring the Pharaoh…"

"Yes… Pharaoh," Marik said, distracted.

"…brother, are you okay?" Ishizu said, rather startled that he hadn't reacted in outrage at her mentioning the Pharaoh.

"Sorry, sister," he said and that REALLY had her concerned; there were three things Marik never did: apologize, admit his mistakes, and eat tacos in public.

"Marik, you are scaring me," Ishizu exclaimed, taking a step back.

He let out a huff at that. "I was merely distracted by that… woman." Ishizu frowned as she heard Marik's voice take on an… odd inflection as he talked of 'that woman'. "She said she wanted to cut off my face and then disembowel me. No one… no one has ever said such things to me."

Ishizu considered her brother for a moment… before letting out a gasp. "Marik… do you… fancy her?"

"What?!" he exclaimed, a bit too quickly in her opinion. "I… of course I don't! I have no interest in her!"

But Ishizu knew at once she was right and he was lying. "Oooooh," she said with a grin. "Marik is in LOOOOOVE!"

"I am not!" Marik declared. "I have no understanding of what love is!"

"Yes you do, father gave us those pamphlets."

"You mean 'Why Am I So Sweaty?'? I never bothered to read it."

Ishizu frowned. "Wait, that's what your pamphlet was called?"

"Yes… what was yours titled?"

"'Remember, Ishizu, the Female Orgasm is a Myth'." She nodded her head. "And it is."

Marik just stared at her before shaking his head. "I do not care for that little whore!"

"Oh, I don't think so!" she teased. "I think you LOOOOVE her!"

"Stop saying that!"

"Marik and that stabby girl, sitting in a tomb. K-I-S-S… I don't know how to rhyme that with tomb."

"I will stab you in your sleep!" Marik roared.

"With your new girlfriend?" Ishizu taunted.

"I'm not listening to this anymore! Come Odion!" Marik began to run away only to pause and look back at Ishizu.

"…would you like me to push Odion?" she asked.

"Yes please," Marik said meekly.

~MC~MC~MC~

"Well… I'm back to a physical form," The Spirit of the Millennium Ring said, patting himself down. "How very odd… I thought it would take far longer for me to regain flesh and blood."

When he had been attacked he had known that the only way to save his host was to shift him into Shadow Realm energy. It was a dangerous and painful process for the Spirit… he couldn't push any of it onto Bakura without risking him and the boy had to survive. He was the only vessel he had found that could truly handle his power. He didn't know if it was because the boy was similar enough to the Thief Bakura or if it was something else… he wasn't a reincarnation, considering the Thief Bakura had merged his soul with the fragment of Zorc that had led to the creation of the Spirit of the Millennium Ring, but he was VERY close.

'Though I do wonder why we share the same name… or why an Egyptian Thief would have what is clearly a modern Japanese name. There must be some reason for that…'

~In the Ancient Past…~

"Well my love, we've done it," Akila said to her husband, holding up the small bundle in her arms.

Mudads nodded, kissing her brow. "You did so well. I am proud of you."

"Thank you… it was very hard but… we managed to steal this baby."

The two thieves grinned.

"But what should we name him?" Akila asked.

"Ngozi?" Mudads suggested.

"No, I used to date a Ngozi. And while he had a huge member-"

"Wait… my brother is named Ngozi…"

"-Idon't think our new son will have one so that won't fit."

"Careful, you might give him a complex where he feels the need to do horrible things and also have a giant naked snake man be his servant." Mudads rubbed his chin. "Still… what to call him…"

And that's when they heard the grinding of gears and saw the magical blue box appear before them.

"Hello!" A grinning British man said, poking his head out. "You by chance don't know of an Edwin Chaos, do you? He has been stealing my lines and also my Christmas Special bits so I need to have a chat." He looked at the Egyptian couple. "…nope, I guess not. Well, need to go… I wonder if I have the Tardis try and find Bakura instead…"

And with that the man pulled his head back into his box and disappeared.

"…Bakura…" Mudads murmured.

~MC~MC~MC~

'It doesn't matter though,' The Spirit thought as he looked over his clothing… rather expensive clothing, he had to admit, that made him look rather dashing. 'I am here again! Returned to the physical world! And far sooner than I expected! I can now-'

And that's when he bumped into a man who had turned the corner.

"Oh, sorry about that," the man, who had an Australia accent but it wasn't comically thick or anything like that, said with a smile. "I was distracted by the lights. Never seen anything like it." He gestured at every building that was aglow with Christmas lights that were draped over their fronts.

"Never… seen anything like that," the Spirit of the Millennium Ring said. "You aren't from around here, are you?"

"Uh, no," the man admitted. "Nate. I work for KaibaCorps-"

"You're… Austrian?"

"Australian," Nate corrected.

"Whatever. You aren't from here, are you… and you have no idea what is going on."

"Well, I mean that I'm not from Japan or America but-"

The Spirit of the Millennium Ring cut him off. "Then it is up to me to teach you! I will show you, foreigner, the magic of Christmas!"

"…what?"

"Who better than the spirit of an Egyptian Thief who also has part of a Dark God's soul in him and is living in the body of a Japanese boy who lived in England to teach someone about Christmas?"

"…I mean admittedly Christmas did originally come from the Middle East."

"Exactly!" The Spirit of the Millennium Ring declared. "So let us start with these. We call them Christmas lights…"

~MC~MC~MC~

"…explain this to me one more time," I said slowly, looking down at a grumpy looking Aria. We had decided to get something to eat at the local bakeshop; filler or no filler arc the wonderful thing about being in an anime was that there were basically only 3 choices of bodytype: skinny, muscular, and fat. It didn't matter what you ate, if you were in one of those bodytypes you stayed in it forever. Originally I had assumed that it was Selene who had decided to give me an Olympic Swimmer build but now knowing that my mother had sent me to this world that opened up… questions… I didn't want the answer to. The point was that thanks to being in the 'muscular' type I was able to gorge on sweets and not gain a pound.

"Wait, that's how it works?" Mai had told me when I had pointed out that fact. Her, Yuri, and Tea had then looked at me like I was handing down salvation and quickly begun to order as many pastries as they could. It had taken me a sinfully long time to realize that I had just given them the chance to pig out as much as they wanted and not worry about gaining weight.

So I might have actually given them salvation.

I myself had just begun to tuck into my apple pie (a wonderful thing; the apples had been reduced to a near jelly-like texture, much to my delight) when I had spotted Aria eating. I'd offered to buy her food and she'd come over, all of us having a lovely chat as I began to forget about the weirdness of the town only for Aria to begin coughing.

And that's when she'd explained she was dying of a disease that had no name and was rather vague.

But that it was perfectly fine though she was annoyed.

The R&D head let out an annoyed huff. "I am the sick child that is in every single one of these movies."

"You're older than me," Tea said flatly.

"Yeah," Aria grumped. "Believe me, I know. And have complained." She let out another cough. "One of you better win the competition that will get me the money for the operation or medicine I need soon. This sucks and I don't want to be coughing all through Christmas." Aria's face screwed up suddenly. "Though now I feel fine. This is an annoying disease."

"What competition!?" I exclaimed.

"This one," Aria said, passing over a flyer that advertised a talent show. "It also will give enough money to keep the local factory open, fund the school's drama club, and repaint Old Man Solomon's house."

"As in Yugi's grandpa?" Renard asked… just as Yugi and Solomon walked by.

"I wasn't even aware I owned a home here, Yugi!" he said morosely. "And now I find out it is going to be repossessed due to back taxes!"

"Don't worry, Grandpa! We'll save the house."

"This is FABbed up for even FAB," Mai muttered before cutting into her cheesecake. "Good food though."

"I could go for a good FAB!" Cassie said with a laugh before just… walking away.

"SERIOUSLY!?" I screamed. "What is going on?"

"Hey Ed, why so upset?" Joey asked, walking up with Serenity. "Not feelin' the Christmas spirit?"

"I am trying to but nothing makes sense!" I shouted.

"Aw, don't be like that… I know what would cheer ya up!" Joey grabbed the flyer and held it up. "Serenity, ya know what this is?"

"That pamphlet mom gave me to explain why I'm suddenly so sweaty?"

"Nah," Joey assured her. "Its advertisin' a talent show! We should enter and win!"

"Can I have some of the money for an operation?" Aria asked.

"Why not?" Joey said with a shrug. "Gettin' young women money for operations is a Wheeler Specialty!" He wrapped an arm around Serenity and gave her a shake, the young woman just smiling despite him rattling her about like she was a coke can grabbed by a toddler. "Ya with me, sis?"

"Of course, Joey!" Serenity said sweetly, looking at Aria. "We must help this poor little girl."

"I will kill you all and no judge would convict me," Aria growled in annoyance. "Don't think I can't… I have access to weapons." And with that she pulled out a ray gun from her pocket.

Joey and Serenity though didn't seem to notice. "Come on sis, we gotta figure out what we'll be doin'! I'm thinkin' we could do a brother/sister act…"

"With matching outfits!" Serenity declared.

Off to the side a young Atticus Rhodes, hearing about brother/sister performing acts and matching outfits, found his little mind forever altered.

"Where do you keep getting those?" I asked Aria, looking at the ray gun she was fingering.

"My office has a door that leads to the Gozaburo's old weapon horde."

"…that sadly makes far too much sense," I muttered even as Aria quickly hid the gun as Seto walked up, carefully holding two plates high in the air, lest they get knocked into anything.

"-donuts smelled really good! And then there were the muffins… they were as big as my head!"

"Yes, Mokuba," Seto replied indulgently. "But we'll be here for several days and you don't want to try everything at once and then get sick of it."

"Seto's right," I said.

"But you have more than one plate!" Mokuba complained.

Seto opened his mouth, most likely to insult me, but I quickly said, "Yes but I also won't get to come here as much. Boring grownup food is on the menu for me." I glanced at the others who wisely nodded.

Accepting that comment Seto looked at the retreating forms of Joey and Serenity. "What was that blond doofus yammering about?"

"The talent show," Aria said with a shrug, back to feeling normal for the moment. "They are entering so I can get the prize money for the horrible but vague disease that I have now. Also to keep the factory open and a drama club running and make sure they don't repossess Mr. Solomon's house."

"Well, then all of that will fail," Seto said with a smirk… before realizing that Joey failing meant Aria would die. "Hmmm… maybe we can get someone else to enter." He looked at Tea. "You can dance, right?"

"Uh, yes." Tea blinked. "Wait, you think my dancing is good enough to win?"

"I might look down on you dweebs but I'm man enough to admit what you are skilled in," Seto replied as he finally settled down at the table, passing over a MASSIVE slice of chocolate cake while he had a bit of a smaller one. Mokuba at once tucked into the cake, letting out a happy little moan after the first bite, while I could feel myself getting diabetes just staring at it (and ignoring my pie and my cheesecake which were just as rich).

"Oh… well, thank you, Kaiba." Tea dabbed her mouth and rose. "I should go find Yugi. Edwin, if you figure out what is bugging you let me know!"

"Troy will send a text," I told her as she hurried off.

"Young love," Yuri murmured to herself with a faint smile.

"Gag me," Seto muttered.

"That's older love," Renard commented. When Mokuba blinked in confusion at that Renard merely said, "We'll explain when you're older. Boring grown up stuff."

Seto though narrowed his eyes, his… well, he hadn't been in a GOOD mood but he'd been in a decent for him mood… had disappeared. "Love. Who has time for love? It is a waste of effort and time, keeping you away from what truly matters."

"Happy holidays," I sang, "Happy holidays."

"Of course you wouldn't understand," Seto growled. "You could be a titan of industry and instead you care more about hanging out with your girlfriend."

"…I am a titan of industry," I pointed out. "Two industries, in fact. And my girlfriend is a titan!"

But Seto wasn't concerned with annoying things like 'facts'. "Love is just a humbug." He paused. "And that is the closest we are getting to A Christmas Carol."

Before I could ponder if Seto was aware of the filler arcs Mokuba let out a sigh and we all realized he'd managed to finish his cake. "That was so good!"

"You should tell the baker," Aria said. "Oh, there she is now!"

We all turned.

Mokuba smiled.

Mai and I shared a stunned look.

Seto stared in awe.

"Oh, did you enjoy the cake?" the 6 foot tale anthropomorphic Blue-Eye White Dragon said. She was a she, that much was clear, which scales and wings and a tail, but her shape had been twisted enough that she also very much looked like a busty woman. The apron she wore did little to hide her large and rather perky breasts that strained against her sweater, nor did the painted on designer jeans hide her curves as she swayed over to us. "I'm glad. I just opened this bakery and my goal has always been to make the most delicious and wondrous foods ever."

"Well… uh… you succeeded. T-that's for sure."

"Is… is Seto stammering?" Yuri asked.

"THAT'S what you are focused on?" Mai hissed.

"Renard, stand down," I warned my friend.

"She has scales. I like fur."

"It was… very good," Seto continued, clearly feeling rather awkward. "Kaiba. Seto. Seto Kaiba."

"Bebe W. Drago," the deviantart drawing come to life said with a shy smile. "If… if you want I could show you around the bakery."

"I'd…" Mokuba gave his brother a nudge and Seto scrambled to get out of his chair, silently motioning for Mokuba to stay with us as he headed off with the dragon baker.

"What the-" Mai elbowed me before I cursed in front of Mokuba. "…fudge. What the fudge was that?"

"It was a-"

I cut Yuri off. "I know what she was! I mean… what is going… wait."

I looked about the street.

The people.

The clothing.

"No," I whispered in horror.

"Edwin?" Mai asked.

"This is a Hallmark movie," I said in growing distress. "We're in a Hallmark movie!"

WE'LL BE BACK AFTER THESE MESSAGES!

"Oh no we won't!" I screamed at the narrator, leaping to my feet. "I'm getting out of here!"

And with that I began to run.