CHAPTER FIVE: Amortentia
Despite my fears about the Dementors, I went down to Hogsmeade that evening to see Rosmerta at the Three Broomsticks.
Rosmerta had befriended me last year after the incident with Snape. I feel like a lot of first meetings with friends get forgotten in the midst of later adventures, but this one I remembered vividly.
I had been sitting at the bar with my feet dangling in an exhausted fashion, when I saw her bedazzled high heels. "Oh my gosh your shoes are amazing," I said.
She stopped, startled. I was worried I'd offended her. Then she broke into a smile. "Thanks." She looked at me for a minute and said "You're the one they've been talking about, aren't you? The one that gave Severus a black eye."
"Ye-es," I said, wondering if I was about to be A) kicked out of the bar B) told off C) involved in my first-ever bar fight.
Her face lit up like a Christmas tree. "Good. He had it coming." She leaned against the bar and added, "I used to date him."
"Oh, wild," I said. "What was that even like?" Which is not something I'd recommend saying, but she gave a wry smile and said "He wouldn't stop talking about his ex."
"Ah," I said.
"Is it true you made him cry?" she asked.
"I mean, he was crying," I said. "Never did figure out why. I wouldn't have thought anything I said could have affected him."
"Tell me exactly how it happened," she said with a grin.
So I told her. [for details, see Ophelia Fairforest and the Weirdass School of Witchcraft and Wizardry].
Rosmerta was delighted. You know," she said reflectively as she mixed a Gigglewater, "That sounds like the sort of thing Lily would have done. That's probably why he cried. You reminded him of her. What a legend she was."
Well that was an unsettling thought, to say the least. I assumed Lily was Snape's ex. "You knew her, then?"
"Oh yes. We were at school together—though I worked at the pub after school. Lily and Snape grew up together, and he was always trailing after her, though we all knew it was James Potter she fancied." She looked out past me. "I liked to experiment. Mum didn't like it, and neither did the customers, but Lily would come and try all my concoctions." She looked out at the empty bar behind me, and her voice thickened. "The other girls looked down on me for working, but she stood by me."
I twisted my glass in my hands, hesitant. "What happened to her?"
"She died," she said.
"Oh," I said. "I'm sorry."
She took a deep breath, and began muddling some fruit in the bottom of a glass with probably a little too much pressure. "It was nice at first, remembering. I thought maybe, if we talked about it, the past wouldn't hang so heavy. But you can't compete with a ghost."
The bar was nearly deserted. To my surprise, she came around and sat at the bar beside me. With forced cheerfulness, she said, "Anyway, Severus doesn't exactly improve upon acquaintance."
"I can imagine," I said.
So, I had listened as she told me about taking Snape to Madam Puddifoot's (Hogsmeade's very fussy tea shop for young lovers) on their first date, and we both giggled over the image of Snape sitting bolt upright in all black in the midst of clouds of frills and lace and doilies and eating tiny tea sandwiches with his pinky out. Madam Puddifoot had flirted shamelessly with him and it was wildly uncomfortable.
After the Chamber of Secrets incident, the rest of the year had passed in a relatively peaceful fashion, and we'd become good friends. Rosmerta told me all about growing up in Hogsmeade, and how she'd taken over the Three Broomsticks when her parents retired.
I was reminded of all this as I walked down to the village, accompanied by Firenze, the centaur. He teaches a few sections of Divination. McGonagall had given out orders that no one was to leave the grounds unaccompanied, so we all signed up for a rotating schedule. I'd met Firenze during my rambles through the Forbidden Forest with Hagrid. Imagine Legolas with abs, a suspiciously tanned human torso and a horse's body, and that's Firenze. Except that his hair is somehow longer and more majestic. He's a bit of a rebel among the centaurs because he's the only one who'll have dealings with the wizards.
Contrary to popular belief, the centaurs don't actually mind regular humans all that much. They're good friends with the farmers, shepherds, and hikers in the surrounding area. They help them find escaped cows and sheep and in exchange the farmers help keep the secret and usually send over barrels of apples or sugar. And they'll usually give the hikers a place to stay for the night in exchange for trail mix. They just don't like wizards because, in case you haven't noticed by now, wizards aren't especially nice to anyone who's different than they are.
Firenze takes some getting used to, not just because he's part horse but also because he's a diviner. Making small talk is a challenge, to say the least, although if you're persistent he'll usually open up a little. Even when he's not talking about what's going on in the stars, he has this unsettling aura about him, like he's seeing things you can't. Presumably because he is. Still, I was glad to have his company.
"Thanks for walking with me," I said.
"I am used to walking these paths at night," he said. "It is no trouble."
"Ok." I looked up at the stars. For once, it wasn't cloudy. "So, what do you think about this whole Dementor situation?"
He made a terrifying angry-horse noise. "A great storm is brewing on Mars. Meteors have been seen in the East."
"Well. That doesn't sound good."
"But storms can be weathered by trees with deep roots," he said.
"Yeah," I said uncertainly. There was a long silence, then I said. "What if… you're not sure how strong your roots are?"
"Only the storm can tell," he said, which made an icy shiver run down my spine.
We were halfway to Hogsmeade before I braved another question. "How'd your first day of teaching go?"
"Some stars burn brighter than others," he said, with something like a smile.
I laughed. "That's certainly true. But they all shine in their own way."
"They have much to unlearn," he said. "Professor Trelawney's methods are…unsophisticated, to say the least. They're too petty and trivial. Tea leaves!" He made more unsettling horse noises. "And her crystal-gazing technique is appalling."
"I haven't met her yet," I said.
"Consider yourself fortunate," he said. "She only emerges from her tower a few times a year."
"Goals, honestly," I said.
"I must admit that I am unusually sociable for a centaur," he said. "Orion says it impairs my skill at divination."
I honestly wasn't sure whether he was talking about Orion the centaur or if he just regularly held conversations with Orion the constellation.
"I mean maybe," I said. "But it seems like if you're trying to understand what's going on in the world from a big-picture perspective you need to know what people—or beings— are like on an everyday basis." I hoped he wasn't offended by the term "people."
"That is true," he said. "After all, the reason we can learn so much from planets and stars is that in many ways they are like us."
Well. That was an unsettling concept to contemplate.
Apparently changing the subject, he said "Venus has been unusually bright of late."
"Is there any point in asking what that's supposed to mean?"
"She is the ruler of love and passion," he said.
"I am aware, Firenze," I said, folding my arms in exasperation. Centaurs, it seems, are not immune to mansplaining.
"I beg your pardon," he said. "I do not need to tell you it is difficult, not to say trivial, to speak of specifics, but several other features—the position of Mercury, in particular—indicate that many who have long been alone shall be so no longer."
"Oh," I said. I thought of Remus Lupin, and decided to take it as a good sign.
By now, we had arrived at the village. "I have the return shift as well," he said. "I shall return to the Three Broomsticks when the Great Bear is over Hogwarts."
My brow furrowed. "About when is that exactly?"
"Ten o'clock," he said, smiling, and trotted away.
I ducked into the Three Broomsticks, glad to be out of the damp.
To my surprise, I was instantly engulfed in a hug from Rosmerta. "Oh my god I'm so glad you're okay," she said. "Its been all over the village, about you and the dementors! I was going to come up to the castle myself if you didn't show up soon."
"Thanks," I said.
"Ministry of Magic's gone too far this time," she said, her hands curling into fists as she marched back up to the bar.
"Is there anything we can do about it?" I asked.
She shrugged. "I don't know. But the Minister of Magic comes up here from time to time, and I mean to give him a piece of my mind when he does. I suppose we could send him a Howler but I've heard he gets at a dozen of those daily."
"I sure hope so," I said bitterly as I sat down at the bar. "I might do it anyway just to make a point."
She began rummaging atop the counter. "Bother the minister. I just got in some new edible glitter and I can't wait to try it out. And I want to hear everything. About your summer, and the first day of classes. Not just the dementors—but that too."
As I began to recount a scattered, backtracking version of my adventures, she mixed us both a cocktail that glittered and also seemed to glow in the dark, and we retreated to a corner of the pub. I paused in my narrative to take a sip.
"Well?" she asked.
"It's good," I said. It felt like my insides were shimmering. "Really nice."
She sipped hers contemplatively. "I think it needs more elderberry. What do you think we should call it?"
"You know," I said. "It kind of looks like…unicorn blood."
She examined it. "It really does. With a name like that, though, we'll have to make it stronger."
"Oh boy," I said.
"Now, you were telling me about meeting the new professor—who is it this time?"
"Remus Lupin," I said. I couldn't help smiling at the thought of him.
"Really?" she said, surprised.
"He's…" I trailed off, at a loss for words. "I like him. Quite a lot. He's really something."
"Remus?" she said, sounding even more surprised. "I remember him a little from school. Very quiet. Would have thought him a bit of a goody-goody except that he went about with James Potter and his lot. Hidden depths, I suppose." She looked skeptical, but curious.
"Well, now he's—he looks a little scary and imposing—long dark hair and big scars—but he's so warm and gentle and smart"
Rosmerta grinned. "Sounds like you're going to be studying some Defense Against the Dark Arts."
"I mean, it's only been like two days but—damn. What a man," I said. And I proceeded to tell her about meeting him on the train, and the feast, and our library adventures. "I think—I think he might be interested in me, maybe."
"From what you've told me, he definitely is," said Rosmerta.
I laughed nervously. "You think so?"
She finished off her drink. "Well he's certainly interested in spending time with you," she said. "Do with that what you will. Better yet, get him down here. I'll have a look at him, and then I'll give you my professional opinion."
"Oh you will, will you?" I said, giggling. "I don't even know where to begin."
Rosmerta snorted. "It sounds like you've made a pretty good beginning of it already.
"Do you have advice?"
"Do you really want advice from someone who dated Severus Snape on purpose?" she said wryly.
A girl passing by our table stopped, turned back towards us, and squealed "You pulled Snaddy?"
Rosmerta choked on her drink.
I burst out laughing in pure shock. Good lord was that one of my older students? Suddenly Madam Puddifoot elbowed her out of the way. "So is he available then?"
Rosmerta recovered herself. "I mean, technically speaking."
Madam Puddifoot let out an even more high-pitched squeal than the student. "Sweet Amortentia here I come!" She picked up her skirts and darted out of the Three Broomsticks. A handful of other girls of assorted ages and stages followed after her.
"I'm going to need another drink," said Rosmerta. She drew out her wand and said "accio Firewhiskey!"
"Good glory," I said, wiping my eyes. "Snaddy?"
We both dissolved into giggles.
"Please tell me you never called him that," I said.
Rosmerta shook her head, but said, "I never kiss and tell."
"That reminds me," she said, pouring us both a generous glass of Firewhiskey. "Amortentia's the new wizarding dating app. I want your opinions." She fished a cell phone out of the pocket of her vaguely eighteenth-century skirt, pulled up the app, and slid the phone across to me.
"Oh wild," I said, taking her phone. The format was pretty similar to muggle dating apps, except there was a lot more pink. "Let's see, we've got Gilderoy Lockhart with a fishing picture. At least I think it's a fish. Honestly I expected better from him. Oh—I spoke too soon. Wow there are so many pictures. Some of them are shirtless. His bio says, "Dragon Slayer, Vampire Tamer, Troll Crusher, Winner of Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile Award. Looking for the other half of my power couple."
She came over to sit beside me and examined a picture of Gilderoy flexing. "Meh. Had a fling with him at the beginning of last term. Snape was better."
I burst into giggles. "Oh, speak of the devil," I said, swiping left. There was Snape. "Wow, he isn't smiling in any of these pictures. Nice bookcases, though. His says, "looking for my 'always.'"
"Keep looking," she said.
"Oh god here's Filch!" I said. "Wow, these are actually kind of sweet." Filch's profile was composed entirely of pictures of him and his cat. His bio read "Mad cleaning skills. Cat dad. I'm a Squib but I can still make the magic happen."
Rosmerta covered her face with her hands.
"This looks a little more promising," I said. "His name's Callum."
She leaned over. "Oh, that's Callum McLaggen. Runs the farm on the other side of the Forbidden Forest. We dated during seventh year, then he broke up with me when I didn't want to marry him right out of high school."
I examined his bio. There were a couple respectable pictures of him herding sheep in a flat cap, but there was also a pic of him holding a dead deer. "Looking for the future mother of my children," I read aloud. "Yeah I can see why that didn't work out." I swiped to the next one. "Is that Gilderoy again?"
It was, but this time with different pictures. The caption read "My mom thinks I'm handsome."
"…And we keep going," I said. "Oh my, it's Flitwick." He looked wildly different ages in every single picture.
"How old even is he?" asked Rosmerta.
"It says he's forty," I said. "But here he looks at least a hundred."
His bio read "Some call me Professor of Charms, some call me the wizard of love. I don't need wingardium leviosa to sweep you off your feet."
We swiped left. Rosmerta leaned over. "Damn, who is that?"
I squinted. "Is that Firenze?"
"Ooh, do you know him?" she asked.
"He's a centaur," I said.
She snatched the phone back from my hand and began scrolling intently through the pictures. "Look at those abs. And that hair! It's like a L'oreal commercial."
"It really is," I said. "What does his bio say?"
"'Though we're strangers till now, we're choosing the path between the stars. I'll leave my love between the stars.'"
"Wow," I said, momentarily thrown. "You do realize his lower half is a horse, right? I feel like that's gonna be a problem."
"You said you'd met him, though. What's he like? Is he as hot in real life?"
"Yes," I said. "Though I'm pretty sure he uses spray tan. He's nice. Like he says stuff that sounds very aloof but I think he actually does pay attention."
"I wonder if our star signs match?" she asked. "You're not interested in him, are you?"
"Have I not just spent the last twenty minutes talking about Remus Lupin?" I asked.
"You can be interested in more than one person at a time," she said.
"Yes, but I—anyway, we're getting off the subject. Rosmerta. Firenze is part horse."
"Centaurs aren't part horse. They're a separate species."
I groaned.
She bit her lip. "Wonder if he'd let me go for a ride."
I buried my face in my hands. "Rosmerta no."
"Rosmerta yes."
To make a long story short, when Firenze came to escort me back to the castle, Rosmerta insisted on going with me. "Can't be too careful, now can we?" she said brightly.
"Sweet blazes of glory," I said, pushing back my hair. "Um, Firenze, have you met Rosmerta?"
"I have seen her from afar," he said.
I wondered how far. Maybe he had a gazing crystal dedicated to "hot singles in your area."
"Well, perhaps you'd like to get a closer look," said Rosmerta, walking towards him. "Ophelia tells me you teach divination."
"Yes," said Firenze. "I've been studying the paths of Venus," he added in a tone that was much different than his usual lofty pronouncements. He gazed at her with a look of smoldering intensity.
Oh glory. This was going to be a long walk.