Willow sliding into bed with her was Tara's favorite moment of every day: the warmth of her thigh brushing Tara's leg, the way she never knew where Willow would decide to touch her first but it was everywhere electric: wrist, neck, shoulder, ankle. Every night, Tara relaxed from the depths of her being in this moment, and whatever happened next – cosmic ecstasy, soft cuddling, both – Tara slept, with a soundness she had never thought possible. This was life now.
But not that night. Tara turned on one side, then the other, uncharacteristically itchy in a way she couldn't define.
Willow made an empathetic, incredibly sleepy noise. "…You okay?" she said, barely awake.
"I'm fine," Tara told her warmly. "I'm just a little bit restless."
Tara couldn't see Willow open her eyes in the dark, but she felt it, the reluctant alertness. "Is it because not a single vamp came into the Bronze earlier?" Willow said. "You know, sometimes I take it personally. Like, what, is it Buffy or nothing? But they're just taking their time. I think they're waiting for us to let down our guard. They think we haven't learned anything. But they're gonna be surprised when they finally test us."
"I know," Tara said. "It's not about them."
"No?" Willow slowly propped herself up on one elbow and stoked Tara's hair with her other hand. "What's wrong?"
Tara took a deep breath. Not only was she not sure how to have this conversation, she wasn't even entirely sure what this conversation was. Finally, she said, "What do you think of Faith?"
"Think of her?" Willow said. She laughed a little. "I've always thought of her as a necessary evil, I guess."
"I'm serious," Tara said. "As a person, do you think she's…would you…"
"Wait, hang on." Tara could feel Willow's grin, even in the darkness. "Are you asking me if I'm attracted to her?"
"Not attracted to her," Tara said. "Necessarily."
"You are! You want to know if I'd get down and dirty with Faith. Are you trying to catch me out or something?"
"No!" Tara said, and there was so much distress in her tone that Willow kissed her neck lightly and said, "Shhh, I'm just teasing. You're allowed to look."
"Have you ever thought about maybe doing…doing more than looking? I mean with anyone?"
"Honestly?" Willow said. "Not since you. When I was with Oz I never really lost my attraction to Xander but once you came along it was like…" Her voice trailed off, and Tara waited. "You know what?" Willow said at last. "I never really figured out what it was like. You are so beautiful, and you are just so so so so so," she paused, one last attempt at a description, "so you, that no, after you I didn't notice."
Tara leaned down and kissed Willow. How as could she respond to that?
"But you know what is a sexy thought?" Willow whispered as they broke apart.
Tara bit her lip. "What?"
Willow raised her head so that her tongue flicked Tara's ear when she spoke. "You and Faith," she said in a soft, smoky voice.
Tara felt a jolt of electricity through her body, starting right where Willow's breath had brushed her cheek. "You think so?" she said.
"Oh yeah," Willow told her. "I would watch that."
"Just watch?" Tara said, smiling. "You wouldn't join?"
"Oooh, join," Willow said excitedly. "Sure. If I was invited."
"Why wouldn't you be invited?" Tara said. "If Faith is interested in something purely sexual with me, then why wouldn't she—"
"Wait." Willow sat up, and Tara felt her stiffen. "Interested? Did she actually say something?"
"It's nothing!" Tara blurted out too quickly. "I'm sure she was just, you know, doing her Faith thing. Messing with me."
"What did she say?"
"She just…it was totally over the top, that's why I didn't tell you. She wasn't serious."
"What did you say?"
"I didn't say anything," Tara said.
"So you didn't say no."
"I was going to."
"Uh-huh. That's why you asked me if I'd ever considered her, because you were going to tell her that she has no chance with you."
"She doesn't want a chance with me," Tara said. "She's just bored. I could tell."
Willow laid back down, gradually. "You do have really strong intuition," she said.
"Exactly," Tara confirmed, her heartbeat slowing back to its normal pace. "That's why I didn't—I mean I wasn't sure if I should actually confront her like she'd insulted me or if, you know, I should let it go. And then you came into the Bronze right then and it wasn't worth it."
"That makes sense," Willow said, sliding onto her side and inching back against Tara's chest. "Sorry I got all, you know."
"No problem, sweetie," Tara said. "I understand."
Willow's certainty made Tara feel relieved and sickened at the same time. All she wanted was for Willow to sleep, sound and secure. But Tara had just lied. Tara, by nature, was not a liar, and she had never thought in a million years that she could lie to Willow.
But the way Faith looked at her, the way she had talked about her hips, her curves, and the way she seemed so convinced that underneath the Tara everyone knew there was some kind of Bad Girl, someone Faith could understand…
The thought was irresistible. And Tara wasn't sure that, if Faith brought it up again, she would be able to resist.
Who are you when you drop it?
Tara imagined herself saying, Let's find out.