Day 218

There is nothing nice about a depressed destroyer, except this alliteration. Akatsuki is still on suicide watch, but at least she did not actually try. I will have to take her outside tomorrow, at least on a little walk or something.

It should be noted I do not and have never suffered from depression. I did research the subject a little for my writing before, though. So while I am no expert, I have a bit of an idea how to interact with this. I can only hope that this is only a passing bout and not something permanent; both of these do in fact exist. Then again, is it even possible for a shipgirl to develop clinical depression?

These are all good questions that I am neither equipped to answer, nor interested in answering. All I care about at the moment is the nearly unresponsive girl taking up one of my guestrooms. The same girl who is supposedly my mortal enemy.

I think it says something that even Sapphire stopped asking me to finish her off.

The one good thing about today is that Reaper entered radio range and contacted us to report her survival. I already knew because the Abyss told me, as much as it can 'tell', but it was good to hear from her either way. The girls brightened up over these news, too.

Going by her report, Reaper will need about a year to fully repair everything. I still neglected repair speed, but even that is unlikely to help much; plus, well, I do not expect much fighting from now on, so making her combat ready as fast as possible is not a priority. There is so much else to do.

She will need another few days to return, our estimate is around three. Which will be an experience, what with Akatsuki here. She may not blame me, but if my guess is even halfway correct and shipgirls can have nightmares, then Reaper will feature prominently in hers.

I need to figure something out before then.

Day 219

She is still perfectly ready to hole up in her room, but I got her to come outside for a bit. I even dispersed the storm so she can have some sunshine. It was still somewhat heartbreaking to watch; Akatsuki has so little energy at the moment, as if something sucked it all out of her. Little more than a wreck was left behind.

We talked very little; I know that it is bad for her to stay inside of her own head so much, but I am not much of a talker. It felt too uncomfortable to turn into a chatterbox when I got no responses at all. At least that helped to not stick my foot in my mouth regarding Reaper.

I also insisted that my guest eat properly; at least that got a proper reaction out of her. It seems Akatsuki did not really register the fact we have food here, much less real meals. If nothing else, she all but devoured the lunch Jeanne cooked for everyone. Then an entire cake Sapphire made. I think that is progress? At least it was more of a food coma than a depressive haze that she ended up in.

I have to say, though: Sapphire and Jeanne turned into a great duo in the kitchen. I ate almost as much as Akatsuki because their daily practice paid off so well. Also because I can; Abyssals do not gain or lose weight from regular food. Well, I guess we technically do, but what is a few kilograms when our displacement is measured in thousands of tons?

Regardless, today saw some progress on the Akatsuki front. Then Hannah figured me out.

I do not know how long she knew by that point. She approached me rather openly once I was on my own, it was so casual I thought it was just another routine report at first. She adjusted well enough to tell me straight-up instead of beating around the bush, too.

"You do not actually wish to eradicate humanity."

It was not even a question. I am not sure what gave me away on that end; Hannah had no idea why she was the first to understand that without me outright saying it, either. At least she was not mad or felt betrayed by it, if a little confused.

I believe I mentioned before that I am a bad liar. I was also raised not to lie, so I had no real inclination to deny anything. I told Hannah she was right and then asked what she thought of it. Thankfully, she just shrugged in response and said she does not mind. "I will have to adjust my own operating parameters, but I will remain in line with your desires, Princess."

She is oddly demure for a Demon; from what the Abyss lets me know, those are generally more individualistic. Hannah breaks the mold, maybe because she is an escort type instead of a capital ship. She has no qualms going along with whatever I say. It may relate to the other thing she told me, though. When I asked if it was really fine with her just to make sure, she said something like this: "While I feel the urge to destroy them, I refuse to let something not myself define me. I follow Princess Dagon's orders because I so wish. And even if we tallied up the importance of these two outside forces, your word weighs far greater."

So yeah. My little destroyer refuses the Abyss itself for me. I felt more than a little touched hearing that and gave her a big hug. It really means a lot more than she probably imagines.

Unfortunately, we both agree that the others would not understand my desires like Hannah does. Ionia and Orion may because they lack the instincts. I will go and talk to each of them soon, one on one. Hannah agreed to try talking to Akatsuki; maybe another destroyer can empathise better.

Day 220

Reaper will be back tomorrow. I am both relieved and worried in equal measure.

We got Akatsuki to eat with us again. Whatever Hannah is saying to her seems to help. Not only that, but I am also learning a few more things about the Abyssal emotional range; all my girls show signs of pity, some even dote on the forlorn destroyer. They are definitely capable of rejecting their instincts when due impulse is given. I imagine part of it is the various experiences I stuffed into their memories, but the rest should still be their being semi-related to humans. The Abyss did not take that out.

Or rather, it just told me, at first it did. The result was something that could not sustain itself on a stunted emotional range. It ostensibly worked, if only in the sense that it went after humans and killed them. It was just not good at strategy or self-improvement. Kind of expected that half a human mindset with some alien bits slapped on would fall short of a full human. We, or rather they, grew to become the dominant species based on this ingenuity after all.

I went and asked about making something completely inhuman, which feels like the next approach. The Abyss can theoretically do that. But, and this is hilarious, it is too lazy to do so. Why reinvent the wheel if it can just copy a working chassis to fill with Abyss stuff? It varies the components from time to time in an emulation of evolution, but has yet to find an improvement beyond fixing the biological stopgaps that humans need to function.

That is one way to find out I am infertile. Then again, I do not really care much; if we are being technical, my girls could count as daughters anyway.

Back to the subject at hand, the general air of hostility toward Akatsuki has completely lifted by now. They have not suddenly become great friends, but they are polite to each other; I can appreciate that. Our guest talked a lot with Hannah today, though Jeanne joined in on occasion.

Day 221

Reaper returned as predicted. I directed her to a little cove beneath the waves to stay hidden from Akatsuki. She did not like the prospect of an enemy being in our base, but I somehow got through to her. The girls each went to welcome her back on their own time.

Akatsuki's recovery continues apace as well. I may be a bit too hopeful there, but she might just bounce back entirely with some more peace and calm.

Thing is, none of us has much of an idea what to do with her afterward. Not even Akatsuki herself. She already admitted she had no real plan when she came out here, that she honestly expected to die along the way or by my hand. That was my reminder she is a Japanese warship and holds traditional Japanese values. Honour is big for her; she not only failed to protect her 'liege', but also failed her mission and lost her sisters.

The fact she is recovering at such a rate is a small miracle in itself. I am not sure if I can attribute it to her nature as a shipgirl, or if this says more about Akatsuki as a person. Either way, I hope she recovers fully.

We talked a little and I let her wander around in the sun for a bit; it is a nice change of pace if nothing else, having the constant storm gone from time to time. She mostly spoke with my fleet, though.

I went to have a little meeting with Frostbite as well; the first teleporters are fully constructed and forward bases took up steam. Her drones excavate and more resources stream back into her stockpiles. Orion reports nothing out of the orinary, though no contact was established with other Abyssals just yet. It is a first step toward naval supremacy that we may desperately need in the future.

Day 223

I am no longer sure about Akatsuki's recovery. Not because she had a relapse, but because she got weirdly introspective since yesterday evening. Maybe it was something one of the girls said to her; from how it sounded when she explained, they talked about the events leading up to Reaper's creation.

Then she came to talk to me less than an hour ago. Specifically, to ask about an alliance against the Chinese.

Her words are still floating through my head.

"I acknowledge that you are not the one to be blamed for what befell Japan. It was more my own failure to convince the admiral than your rightful retribution. But what is unforgivable is the events that followed, the nuke deployed on my home by a foreign force. If you are willing, I wish to ask your help in punishing them for their actions."

At least writing this down helps getting it out of my head. Suffice it to say, I do not like where this is going.

From what Akatsuki explained afterward, she mulled over her next steps. There is precious little she can do for Japan, being just one ship. Yamato was sunk at Yokohama, the closest to a symbol for the nation now gone. Japan does not have the resources to summon her again, what with most of Tokyo having turned into a crater. At the same time, Akatsuki can not just turn her back on her home; she already declined not one but two offers to join my fleet. Neither of them was given by me, for the record.

By her logic, which I can follow, all that remains is revenge.

I like to think I am not a vengeful person myself, even if Reaper's existence would say otherwise. I am definitely a spiteful person, though. I understand where Akatsuki is coming from; some of my favourite stories feature vegeance in one form or another. But I also know where that kind of thinking can lead.

That is why I tried to talk it through with Akatsuki; I reminded her that violence is a cycle. She may get her satisfaction and hurt the Chinese, but then those she hurt will hit back and maybe kick the already downed Japanese further into despair. But at the same time I understand that letting go of these feelings is no easy feat, either. It is not an easy position to be in.

Akatsuki was thankfully calm during our conversation. She let me say my piece and offered her own thoughts on the matter. She even agreed on the nature of violence, yet refused to back down. According to her, her people are already doomed; the Chinese can do precious little to make that worse. But the international outcry and sanctions are nowhere near enough of a punishment for her liking; she wants to see China bleed.

I guess that is fair enough. I am more detached from the situation than she is.

We also talked about my involvement in such a retaliatory strike. I have a small fleet and no intentions to make it bigger. I specifically plan to stay out of this and let the humans figure themselves out; one point Akatsuki had to agree with is that an Abyssal invasion would lead to humanity closing ranks. It may allow China to sweep this under the rug while everyone is distracted fighting an outside threat.

This was also the one and only time I actually had to refuse an answer; Akatsuki asked me why I keep only a small fleet. I almost slipped up there before remembering that she will carry this knowledge back with her. So I told her that is classified; she can not know unless she actually joins my fleet.

We did not reach any consensus tonight, but it was still a productive discussion. I have to include the others in it tomorrow, at least for brainstorming.

In regard to tech, I am making good progress on improved teleport range. The few small upgrades I can fit in at the sides are not particularly relevant; general good stuff like a bit of fuel efficiency or improved weather control for my Demons and me.

Day 229

We spent most of the week talking things over and slacking off, really. The world slowly calms from events in Japan, but humanity is still focussed on their own; that means I have time to just do whatever and see what happens.

Unfortunately, Akatsuki caught wind of the fact I have access to the Internet. She finally remembered how I originally proved the nuke incident to her. What is more, either she did not realise the implications of an Abyssal being connected to human knowledge and news, or she did not mention them. Maybe she actually does trust me? Or she was too distracted absorbing every scrap of information she could get about Japan's state.

There was a bit of a relapse, but she kept bouncing back afterward. From what Hannah reported, Abyssal attacks are down to a record low; the Abyss confirms that, having spread my sense of waiting and seeing everywhere. Let humanity fight themselves for now. I am not entirely sure how to feel about that, but I guess I should not complain.

I just had to take a break because Ariel came in with news. Turns out the US declared war on China. They had to, I am pretty sure; not a political expert, but I think not acting after one of their nominal allies got a nuclear warhead dropped on them would have been disastrous for public perception.

Day 230

Welp. There we have it. World War III. More and more countries are getting involved.

Now the question is how many nukes we will see. Akatsuki was pretty pale when we discussed the matter as a group, she may have been wondering the same. At least she gets her wish that China is punished.

She took me aside after breakfast, though. Asked if I have anything that could help with the radiation, or with protecting from nuclear warfare. I did not, though some dabbling in fission research for Reaper's reactor gave me an idea of what techs there are. I told her I will give it some thought.

The girls are doing fine otherwise; they are less excited about the prospect of war than I expected, though. I am unsure if this is their opinions changing, or just the fact they are not involved. At least the Abyss is pleased, though recent events are more people being stupid than me having done anything.

I had Orion here as well today. She took a mandated break; read, mandated by me. A workaholic she may be, but I will not allow her to just keep on working if I can prevent it. At this point I do not even need to have another ship drag her away from work; she acknowledged herself that taking breaks is conductive to better results. Progress.

Honestly, everyone was home today. I spent a little while walking with Ionia and played a game with Ariel and Jeanne. Then Sapphire took me aside to help bake another cake for everyone. She really grew to love the kitchen, the oven in particular.

It was nice. I need to recharge my own social battery now, but spending time with everyone like this more than makes up for it. We had fun together. Even Akatsuki managed to forget about the war for a bit.

I will need to speak with Frostbite, too. She has not heard the news yet and should adjust her paradigm accordingly. If nothing else, we should have an easier time securing the sea as long as we avoid the Americans crossing over.

This will take a lot more time to think through properly. For now I need sleep.