I don't know how much time passed before I came to, but when I did, I was strapped to a chair, tied in with hair. Yes, I know it seems weird, but it's true.
"Is this...hair?" I asked, scanning the room to see it all over the place. On the floor, up the walls, on the bars on the roof. "Struggling..." came a woman's voice from above, where the hair stopped. "Struggling is pointless."
"What?" I asked.
"I know why you're here, and...I'm not scared of you."
"I have no idea what you're talking about," I said.
She jumped down from the bars and walked more into the light so I could see her. She has beautiful, long, blonde hair, lovely green eyes, with a hint of kindness in them. I was stunned. I've seen lots of lovely women but none quite as stunning as her. "Who are you, and how did you find me?" she asked.
"Ah..." I said, too stunned to speak.
"Who are you," she asked with more force, "and how did you find me?"
I stared for a second longer before clearing my throat. "I know not who you are," I said poetically, "nor how I came to find you, but can I just say...hi. The name's Flynn Ryder. How are you doing?"
She stared at me, unimpressed, and raised her frying pan to me. "Who else knows of my location, Flynn Rider?" She put a lot of emphasis on my name.
"Look, I just found your tower by mistake, okay?" I replied. "I was just going through the forest with my-" I stopped. My satchel. I opened it up and was knocked unconscious, probably from her frying pan, and if it's not on me, she took it. "Where's my satchel?" I asked.
"I've hidden it," she replied. "Somewhere where you'll never find it."
I looked around. The closest thing nearby is an armoire and a pot. Cliché. "It's in that jar isn't it?" I asked.
That's when she hit me with her pan again.
When I came to, a second time, something gross was in my ear. When I looked, I saw a frog with its tongue in my ear. "Would you...stop that?" I cried, rubbing my ear on my shoulder.
"Now, I've hidden it somewhere you won't find it," she said, confidentially.
"Look, Blondie-" I said.
"Rapunzel," she corrected.
"Gesundheit," I said. "I need that! Like, really!"
She ignored me and started spinning around my chair. "So...what do you want with my hair?" she asked.
"What?" I asked. Her hair? "Cut it? Sell it?"
"Why the heck would I want your hair?" I asked.
"Wait...so you don't want my hair?" she asked, obviously confused.
"Why would I want your hair? The only thing I want with it is to get out of it!"
"Huh," she said, loosening up.
"I just saw a tower and climbed it," I said.
"You're telling the truth?" she asked.
"Yeah," I said.
She turned away from me. I peeked at her, just to make sure she wasn't going to turn around. She didn't so I started moving, trying to break free from the chair. I turned the chair a little before she called my name. "Okay, Flynn!" I stopped. "I'm ready to make a deal with you."
She pulled her hair along with her as she ran to the top of the fireplace. My chair fell. "Ow."
"You see these?" she asked, pulling the curtains and revealing a painting of the lanterns and her in a tree, watching.
"You mean the lantern thing they do for the princess?" I asked, irritated. This is actually really uncomfortable. "I knew they weren't stars!" she exclaimed. "Well, I want you to take me to them, and bring me home safely. Only then will I give you back your satchel."
I pushed my chair over. Ahh, much better! Now I'm on my side, and much easier to talk with her this way. "No can do," I replied. "The kingdom and I don't really see eye to eye."
"Something brought you here, Flynn Ryder. Whether it be destiny, fate-" she said, pulling on her hair to make my chair stand again.
"A horse?" I asked sarcastically.
"But, whatever it is, I've made the decision to trust you," she continued.
"A horrible decision, really," I replied. Never trust a thief. Top rule. I call it the Golden Thieving Rule.
"But you can tear this tower apart, but without my help, you'll never find your precious satchel," she continued.
I raised my eyebrow at her. "Let me get this straight," I said. "I take you to see the lanterns, and you give me back my satchel?"
"I promise," she replied, sternly. She pulled my chair over, holding it up by the top. "And trust me, when I make a promise, I never, ever break it." I glanced at her frog. He nodded and pointed at her. I looked back at her. "Okay, well, you leave me no choice. Here comes 'the smolder.'"
I lowered my head. I raised it again, raising one eyebrow and puckering my lips. "This is kind of an off day for me," I said. She continued to stare at me, unimpressed. "This doesn't normally happen." She just stared. She wasn't saying anything still. "Okay, fine!" I said. "I'll take you to see the lanterns!"
"Really?" she asked, excited. In her excitement, though, she dropped the chair. "Oops."
"You broke my smolder," I said, pained.