35

The promise

I can handle alcohol better these days...

This means that Rung or Karakate cannot come out, and I'm fully conscious at all times. The only thing that I can't control is my temper.

It's the side effect of alcohol. I think it's that.

Like, right now, I'm waiting for Aontakam in front of her house at midnight. I'm a bit drunk because I drank a lot. I feel the overflow of all my sorrow. It's as if just a little spark can trigger an explosion.

I waited for over two hours, and Aontakarn eventually showed up in a beautiful European car. The two say good-bye, and A drives off. The tail light slowly disappears into the darkness. I, who have been waiting in the dark, walk over to greet Aontakam.

"Awww."

"I'm going to a casting. I don't know if I will get the role. We have to wait and see."

"He's selling you dreams."

"Huh?"

"He said he would feed you work for a while now, but I don't see you working on anything except going out to dinner with him. You're being an obedient kid because you're afraid of losing this opportunity."

"Are you picking a fight with me... Let's not do this. It's nothing. Chris! Why are you walking away from me?" Aontakarn was about to walk in to hug me again. She seems really mad that I back away from her again. "What's going on?"

"I called you, but you didn't pick up my call."

"A picked up the line, right? Why did you use a strange number to call me?"

"It was Meen's number."

"I'm going to a casting. I don't know if I will get the role. We have to wait and see."

"He's selling you dreams."

"Huh?"

"He said he would feed you work for a while now, but I don't see you working on anything except going out to dinner with him. You're being an obedient kid because you're afraid of losing this opportunity."

"Are you picking a fight with me... Let's not do this. It's nothing. Chris! Why are you walking away from me?" Aontakam was about to walk in to hug me again. She seems really mad that I back away from her again. "What's going on?"

"I called you, but you didn't pick up my call."

"A picked up the line, right? Why did you use a strange number to call me?"

"It was Meen's number."

"Ah... I was going to call you when I got home. It would be strange to chitchat with you in front of him. I feel awkward doing that."

"Is that really the reason?"

"Of course. Why do you ask me like that?" Aontakam frowns and crosses her arms across her chest like someone who has to have her way. She knows that I tend to let her have her way when she does that. "You came here this late to try to catch me doing something wrong so that we could fight?"

"Did you do something wrong?"

"No!"

"Korn thinks... maybe that person called the wrong number."

"Good."

I press my lips together tightly and turn around to go call a taxi. Seeing that I say nothing, Aontakam grabs my arm and forces me to turn around to talk to her.

"Where are you going?"

"Home."

"You're here just for this? You're here just to pick a fight with me?"

"I'm not picking a fight with you. I just wanted to talk and ask you something, then go back... That's that." I pull her hand off me. Aontakam clenches her hand into a tight fist before she crosses her arms across her chest and hides her fist under her arm.

"Fine. Go if you want."

I, who was about to walk away, paused a bit. My disappointment makes me feel tiny. It seems like Aontakam can sense that, so the one who acted coldly towards me walks over to stand in front of me. She reaches her hand out to lift my chin up, and she's shocked.

"Chris... why are you crying?"

"It's nothing." I wipe my tears with the back of my hand. "It's just dust."

I don't want to fight, but I'm bursting from the inside. I had to do something, and it led me here. It led me to the point where I'm walking away from her without any explanation. I just feel despair. I don't dare say anything to her.

"Sweet dreams."

I just say that and decide to really get myself out of there without caring about Aontakam's calls.

This sorrow, I will keep it all to myself …

This is me... Chris.

When I feel something, I keep it in. I try to console myself, saying that it's just a feeling. If I can keep up with it and manage it, it will pass. So, I lock myself inside my house. I excuse myself from our company's meeting. My parents are starting to worry about me because I just keep to myself.

The people who raised me know me better than anyone.

Aontakarn tried really hard to contact me after that night. She's panicking because she doesn't know what happened. I don't want things to seem abnormal, so I reply to her LINE messages from time to time, but I keep it short. I need more time to myself to manage my feelings.

After three days, I started to recover and went to work as usual. It's the past. I will act as if nothing happened. It was the wrong number... If Aontakam says that, it's that.

"Chris, are you better now? I thought it was something serious. Puth was very worried about you."

Jeth can't help but mess my hair adoringly when he sees me. Earn, who wants to get on my good side, also asks as if we were close.

They are cute.

"Do you want to eat something? I'll buy it for you today. You can ask me to do anything for you today."

"You're very active. It makes me feel energetic as well."

I chose to come to the office today because I know that Aontakam won't be here because she has to go do her news announcement job. It's a fixed schedule. Puth knows this as well, so he can't help but drag his chair to me and talk to me in private as I play with my computer.

"Have you broken up with Kam?"

"What makes you think that?"

"Ah-huh... you're not denying it, but you asked me back. There must be a problem, for sure. What is it?"

I glance at my brother and shrug.

"It's nothing."

"If it's nothing, then why are you avoiding her? You chose to come to the office today because you know that she won't be here..."

"Don't act like you know so much."

"Chris."

"She won't be here... not."

Puth slowly slides his chair away from me, like a disbanded group, after he hears Aontakarn's voice. I was a bit startled because I didn't think that she would come to the office today, but I tried my best to act normal and send the petite one a smile.

"Oh, you don't have to announce the news today?"

"I came to wait to see if you'd come in today... and you came."

Everything goes silent. Because our office is not that big, everyone can hear every word we say.

"I just got better today, so I came in."

"Aren't you here today because you thought that I wouldn't be here?"

"You're overthinking. Why would I do that?"

"Right. Why would you do that? Tell me."

I pretend to lift up my watch to look at the time and call out to Puth and Earn, looking over Aontakam's head. I don't want to talk to her right now because I know that it will get out of hand.

"Puth, Earn, let's go for lunch."

My invitation makes things worse. Those that I invited look awkward. Puth doesn't dare move because he's not sure what he should do. Earn is observing the situation quietly and waiting to see what her lover will do.

"You're not eating? Okay. I'll go first."

I walk past Aontakarn, touching her shoulder slightly. It was like I dropped a big bomb because the sweet-faced woman could no longer contain her rage.

"Have you gone mad!" Aontakam growls and forcefully grabs my arm to turn me around to talk to her. "Stop keeping your silence. Say what's on your mind. I hate you being like this."

"It's nothing."

"I can't take this any longer. Can't you be direct for once? We're together, in case you forget."

I close my eyes. I'm trying my best to act normal, but she's not helping me out at all. Puth and Earn get up and slowly try to fade away from this situation so that I can work things out with my lover. But they were not fast enough because I can no longer contain my rage as well.

"Do you really want me to be direct? Are you sure that if I do, you will be honest with me?"

"What is it!"

"What are we?"

"Lovers."

There's no reason to keep that a secret because it seems like everyone knows about our relationship already. I nod and press my lips together before I laugh mockingly.

"Why didn't you call me back that night when I called you?"

"I already told you that I don't want to chitchat with my lover in front of other people."

"No. From what I heard on the line, it wasn't like that."

"What?"

"I told A to tell you to call me back. I told him to tell you that... your lover called."

"So?"

"A told you that. But you said that... I probably had the wrong number." My tears are flowing down my cheeks, and I'm laughing mockingly at myself. "Darned. Wrong number... What does that mean? It meant that you don't have a lover, so the person who called can never be your lover, Karn!"

"How did you know that..."

"A didn't hang up because we just ended our conversation. It's good, though... so I know where I really stand rather than daydreaming that I'm your lover one-sidedly. I'm such an idiot!"

I stomp out of the office because I don't think I can stand there and fight with Aontakam for everyone to hear. Yet, the sweet-faced woman wouldn't give up. She runs past me to the elevator and pushes me on the chest so that I pay attention to her.

"If you heard that, why didn't you just ask me directly?"

"Because if I do that, I'm afraid that you won't have an answer prepared..." I put my hand on my chest, as if I'm having a heart attack. My heart is squeezed tightly. "If you can't answer me, it would disappoint me because it means that you lied to that man and told him that you're single."

"…"

"And you also lied to me when you said that we were in love."

"Karn..."

"People who love each other do not lie!" I start to sob. "I tried not to talk about this because I don't want us to fight. I want it to just go away. But you forced it to come out. This is what's the matter with me. Can you explain to me why you said that I called the wrong number?"

This time, it's Aontakam who's stunned. She raises her hand to sweep her hair to the back, as if she's trying to come up with a good explanation. Seeing that hurts me because it's as if the person in front of me is about to lie to me.

"It's because you're paving your way into the entertainment industry using your charm!"

I push Aontakam out of the way and press the elevator button. But the time it takes for the elevator to reach this floor makes me feel uncomfortable, so I decide to head to the fire escape.

"Chris... I'm sorry!"

Aontakarn chases after me and hugs me from behind. She cries as she apologizes to me. I go soft, but my anger doesn't just go away instantly.

"I need some time alone."

"Please don't do this. I can't take it. Sob." The sweet-faced woman hugs me so tightly that I feel like my bones are breaking. I tried to free myself from her hug, but now I just stand still and let the petite woman cry to lessen her pain. "I was wrong."

"…"

"I thought that I could tell him after everything was settled. That's it."

"But we said that you would tell him frankly that we are lovers."

"Yes, but..."

"I know that this is a very important step in your life. But what you did was wrong... If you button the first button wrongly, it can never be right."

"…"

"But there's a way... to make it right. And I'm thinking about it."

"Which way?"

"The only way is for me to not be in your life anymore."

"…"

"Your life will be easier if you're single." I pull Aontakam's arm off me and walk down the stairs. Aontakam is stunned, but she then speaks softly as if she has no energy left in her.

"You promised that you would never break up with me."

"I will never break up with you, as I promised. But I will make you break up with me."

"…"

"Your dream is more important."