4. I'm Not for Everybody

(Bobby)

With one arm around Buck's waist and Buck's arm thrown over his shoulders, Bobby navigated the path to the younger man's apartment. Athena tagged along, helping where she could by catching doors and such. As they made their way from the car to his apartment door, Buck muttered under his breath, mostly repeating himself about how much he'd screwed things up with Eddie, ruining their friendship, and the fact Bobby was super lucky to have found Athena. As if I didn't already know the last part. Bobby let him ramble, having ventured this road himself one too many times to count. The perfume of booze Buck wore teased, whispering at the dormant monster within, the one always seeking to claim his weak moments and drag him back down. This, however, was not one of those times.

Not when a touch of anger simmered below the surface.

Maybe anger is the wrong word. No, it's exactly right. Their progress up the stairs was slow, Athena close behind offering a supporting hand on Buck's back. The last thing any of them needed was a tumble to the ground floor. She'd yet to say a single word since helping him get Buck in the backseat. Angry at myself for letting Buck down, for letting Athena down. He wanted to spend the night getting back in touch with his wife, making up for the horrors of the cruise. Eddie's call cut the date short, right before dessert, which they ordered anyway, to go. He might be able to salvage the mess once he got them home, but first things first, making sure Buck made it home in one piece.

They made it to his floor. Athena, ever practical, obtained a copy of Buck's key, just in case, she told Bobby when he originally found out. She pointed out how much trouble the young firefighter got into and considered it an insurance policy on keeping tabs on him. Bless her foresight. Yet another thing he loved about her. Should he ever sit down and write out a list it would no doubt fill a notebook and then some. His beautiful wife, Athena went to hell and back with him, choosing to stay at his side, to accept his proposal and be his forever. If there was one good thing to come of their ill fated voyage it was the catharsis in that flooding room—which turned out to be the perfect symbolism of his life—and Athena baring her soul to him.

Athena stepped around them, slipping the key in the lock.

"Excuse me," a man said, maneuvering around them to reach the stairs.

"You're such a good guy, Bobby," Buck said, slightly slurring his words.

"I'm sure you'd do the same."

"Nope." He teetered a little as Athena swung the door open. "'Cause you ain't supposed to be drinking."

"Come on, let's get you up to your bed."

Bobby directed him toward the set of stairs leading to his loft space. Buck grasped the handle, almost becoming dead weight, halting their progress. "I really screwed the pooch this time, didn't I?" he asked, sounding almost sober. His eyes shimmered with unshed tears. "Do you think Eddie will forgive me?"

"He always does."

"But I crossed a line."

"It happens, but you and Eddie are good friends. You've been through a lot together. You'll talk this out."

"I don't know…"

He finally managed to get Buck moving. "Sleep on it. We'll get coffee tomorrow, you and I, and you can hash it all out, okay? For now, I want you to sleep this off."

Buck fell onto his bed. "I'm such an idiot." He pounded a fist into the mattress. "Hen told me not to do it and I did it anyway. Why can't I ever just listen?"

It pained him to see the turmoil displayed across Buck's face, dripping from his every word. Another twist of the knife called guilt. It was unlike him to let one of his flock founder for so long. He'd seen Buck adrift and failed to throw him a lifeline, and now he reaped the consequences of his inaction. They both did. From the minute Eddie walked in the door at the 118 he'd spied a shift in Buck, picking up on the subtle cues missed by everyone, save maybe Hen. Did he ever expect things to progress this far, though? Did it matter? He should have planned for it regardless. He bore witness to Buck's impulsive nature far too many times to count, and was always there to pick up the pieces, like now.

I'll have to check on Eddie. At this rate I should make a list.

The evening's tidings had finally caught up with Buck and he lay on his bed sound asleep. Bobby crouched down, removing Buck's shoes and setting them aside. With some effort he swung Buck fully onto the bed so he'd be in a more comfortable position.

Back downstairs he scrounged up a bottle of water and aspirin. "Almost done."

Athena gave a dismiss wave of her hand. "No worries."

A notepad on the fridge caught his eye and he tore a page from it, jotting a quick note. He left the offerings on Buck's nightstand.

Athena was waiting at the door. "Ready?"

"Yep."

They stepped out, locking it behind them. Before they moved off he took hold of Athena's hand, stopping her. "I'm sorry."

She looked at him, her eyes searching his. "For what? For helping Buck?"

"And ruining our date."

Her smile was sweet as she brought her hand to his cheek. "Bobby Nash, one of the reasons I married you is because your kindness, your willingness to drop everything and help those in need, especially those you love. It's how I know I'll always be safe with you." She squeezed his hand. "I'm more worried about you."

"I'll get it sorted."

"I know you will. Let's go home, we haven't had dessert yet, after all."

He knew that look.

As they started toward the stairs Bobby could have sworn he heard a door close, but a quick glance back revealed the hallway empty.

XxXxXxX

(Buck)

Bright sunlight filled his apartment, prompting Buck to groan and throw an arm over his eyes to drown it out. His head throbbed, the pressure reminiscent of having an entire firetruck laying on his leg. Bits and pieces of the night filtered through the lingering alcoholic fog, and he swore that next time he sought advice from Hen to steer clear of the bottle. Buck licked his lips, his mouth like sandpaper, and realized with the urging of his bladder that even if the light was his enemy he needed to get up. Bracing for the pain he moved, keeping his eyes partially shut and allowing them a few minutes to adjust to the light. His skull felt ready to explode. Swinging his legs over the side of the bed he spied a few items on his nightstand not usually present.

A bottle of water, a bottle of aspirin, and a note.

Peeing came first.

He fumbled for the bathroom, leaving the light off as he took care of business. Once empty, he turned to the sunk, hitting the tap, and cupping his hands under the cool, cold water. Ignoring his reflection, Buck splashed his face a few times, attempting to chase away toe grogginess and death feeling courtesy of the hangover. Back in his bedroom he sank down on the mattress, compelled to get a bit more sleep. It was their shift off.

"Take the next shift off." Bobby's words came to him out of the blue along with a snippet of the previous night. Cap, the man more like a father to him than his own dad, all dressed up with a dazzlingly beautiful Athena hovering nearby. Buck groaned again, realizing he owed both of them a sincere apology for ruining their date night. Last night went wrong every way possible, it seemed.

Buck ran a hand through his hair.

He'd fix things one at a time. Starting with his headache. Reaching for the bottle he snatched the note instead on a last second whim. He knew the handwriting. Bobby.

'You'll want these when you wake.'

A smile tugged at the left corner of his mouth. Leave it up to Bobby to always be watching out for him. Do better, maybe then he won't have to. Buck replaced the note, this time going for the pills. He dumped two in his hand, chasing them down with a refreshing mouthful of water. He finished the bottle before attempting to make his way downstairs, where he quickly covered his windows, plunging the space into a gloomy grayness.

Another note awaited him affixed to the coffeemaker, this one from Athena.

'Everything will work out. Have a little faith.'

This time the smile appeared in full. While he may not have considered himself lucky in love like so many others around d him, he was still surrounded by people who cared deeply for him. Even after all this time he struggled with seeing it, growing up in a household where he did stupid things to get attention, to feel like he mattered. The people in his life now loved him for him.

"Do good to remember that," he grumbled.

He went through the motions of getting the coffee started, then plunked some bread in the toaster. Snatching up his phone, Buck leaned back against the island could terror awaiting g his breakfast, the aspirin taking the edges off his headache.

A text from Eddie waited.

Buck swallowed, every moment of his trip to Eddie's seared into his memory. I kissed him. He pushed me away. He stomach churned and he barely made it to the sink before he was throwing up the water, bile burning his throat. Hen and Karen told him to slow his roll, but did he listen? No. Tended to be a bit of a problem with him. Act first, think second. He swiped the back of his hand across his mouth, switching off the coffee, the smell unappetizing.

Wishing for something stronger than the water, he returned to his phone, hands shaking. Eddie's text was simple and straight to the point.

'We need to talk.'

How could four little words carry so much weight?