"You really are awful at this, you know." Max readjusted, calming himself after she had slammed on the brakes quite harshly and sent them both lurching forward.
"I know! This is why I need your help. Georg doesn't have the patience for me."
"Georg doesn't have patience, period." They shared a small laugh, knowing that to be quite true indeed. All joking aside, she did feel quite hopeless about her skill level with a car.
"How am I possibly so bad at driving? It really isn't a difficult concept." She sighed, wishing she had picked up on it as quickly as she would have liked. Max smiled, tilting his head toward her until she looked up to meet his eyes.
"Do you wonder if perhaps you are thinking entirely too much about it?"
"I'm responsible for your safety. Don't you want me to be thinking?" He laughed, shaking his head. She knew what he meant, more or less, but she just wasn't able to relax enough to make much progress. It was important to Georg that she at least knew what she was doing behind the wheel, for whatever reason. She assumed it had more to do with the fact that he didn't want her or his children taking public transportation when they went to town. She was happy to learn, it didn't bother her one bit, if only she were less of a hazard to everyone involved.
"You know, Maria, it is okay to allow someone else to drive you places. I'm sure Franz wouldn't mind." She scoffed, meeting his eyes incredulously.
"Have you seen the way that man looks at me?"
"You don't think he likes you?"
"Not even a little bit. There's hatred in his eyes that I'm not quite sure I understand. No matter what I do to be kind and friendly to him, it doesn't seem to make a difference." Max smiled, giving her hand a pat upon the seat between them.
"Franz was hired by Agathe many years ago. Georg was away quite a lot at times, and they developed a nice friendship over the years." She gave him a questioning look, but certainly wouldn't dare asking the question aloud. He only smiled. "No, strictly platonic. I believe he felt more like a brother or a fatherly figure toward her. He's always been quite impossible, but he was gentler when she was alive."
"That is terribly sad. Does he have any family, or support in any way? Someone to talk to at least?" Max gave her a smile, and she could tell that he found her to be quite innocent, or perhaps naive, she wasn't sure. "No, I suppose he wouldn't if he always seems to be on duty."
"I don't know a thing about the man."
"Me neither. I've always been just a bit afraid of him, if I'm honest. There's something quite unsettling about him."
"Not as afraid of him as you used to be of Georg?" She laughed, meeting his eyes once more.
"I've never been afraid of him. A bit intimidated at first, perhaps. But I could always tell by looking into his eyes that he's a good man." Max chuckled, shaking his head as a breeze blew into the car from the open windows.
"You've been very good for him, in many ways. Aside from making him your mistress, of course." She gasped, offended for a moment as she looked to him, but he was merely smiling at his own orneriness. She furrowed her brow and gave him a small shove before laughing in return.
"You're terrible." He laughed harder, glad she accepted his words as the joke he meant them to be. "Shame on you."
"Shame on you. I've always known you weren't a typical woman, but my goodness, Maria, you're acting like such a man." She couldn't stop laughing, his overly exasperated tone sounding more amusing than she expected. She wiped her eyes as they watered a bit from her laughter.
"I should be very offended by you."
"But you aren't. That's part of my charm." She rolled her eyes, unable to stop laughing at how silly he was. "But if I may speak freely, you are good for him and good for this family. No matter the circumstances, I'm glad you came back to him."
"I feel the same, thank you, Max" She gave him a smile, glad that he didn't seem to care in the least what kind of woman she appeared to be to others, or the sin she was living. He was simply Max, nothing more and nothing less. "May I ask you something? And I want you to be honest with me."
"Of course. Anything to prolong our break from this driving lesson." She laughed, shaking her head.
"I'm just wondering…what do they all say about me? Especially in Vienna." He hesitated for a moment, which was somehow all she needed to know. She didn't have to specify who "they" might be.
"You've never struck me as someone who cares about the opinions of others." She smiled, meeting his eyes once more.
"I don't suppose I do, not really. It's more of a curiosity. I can't stay in hiding forever, and I would like to know what I'm walking into when I eventually am required to be seen." He sighed, knowing Georg would be upset with him for divulging too much information to her, but he couldn't very well lie to her, not when she was sharing a vulnerability with him like that.
"It's not great, honestly. You're quite the scandal. People can be vicious."
"I had a feeling. Georg won't tell me a thing, so I know it has to be bad." She shook her head, always knowing the truth in her heart, but part of her wanted to believe that others would remember the kind of person she had always been rather than judging her by her more recent actions. "I suppose there are many names I'm referred to as."
"I…yes." She could tell he didn't want to answer her, but she felt she somehow needed to know.
"Like what?"
"Maria…in a lady's presence…"
"You said I was like a man earlier." She gave him a smile as he laughed, meeting her eyes once again. "I suppose I'm called a whore quite a lot."
"Oh, yes, that's the main one. There's also slut, wanton, and then there's the 'going to Hell' talk, and things like that. Mostly it's complete distaste and speculation about your filthy preferences." She gave him a confused look, and he laughed, a bit embarrassed. "Uh…the bedroom kind."
"Honestly?" He nodded, hoping she would not ask him to elaborate on what people did think her preferences might be. "And to think, I was nearly a nun."
"As you could expect, Otto is not helping things in the least." She laughed a bit, her attention taken only for a moment to a flash of lightening in the clouds off in the distance. They would need to get back to the villa soon. "You do have quite a few supporters, Elsa has seen to that."
"You're joking." She looked at him with raised eyebrows, quite surprised by his admission.
"Not at all. Though I'm afraid it still isn't enough to stop the gossip."
"What is enough to stop it?"
"A bigger scandal. Or it will eventually just become old news. Though that likely won't happen until your divorce is finalized, and you and Georg marry. It could be quite a long journey." She sighed, knowing that every move she made going forward, especially in connection to Georg, would be scrutinized to the fullest extent. She only hoped that association with her would never harm the children in any way. She knew Georg could handle his own reputation, but the children were completely innocent and removed from it all. Aside from Liesl, none of them knew a thing about her marriage or her relationship with their father. She didn't think they knew, anyway. They had been so careful.
"Well, I suppose I should learn to drive, just in case I'll need to get away from society people with pitchforks one day." Max laughed as she put the car into gear and looked around for others before easing back onto the road. She took a deep breath, allowing her body to relax as she drove them back to the villa.
xxxxxx
She cuddled against his side, closing her eyes for just a moment as she took in his scent. He was warm against her, his body always a great source of heat, and his arm around her made her feel safer than she could have ever hoped to feel. It was quite late, crickets chirping all around them as they lay in one another's arms and gazed at the stars, the sky perfectly clear above them. The air felt fresh as they breathed it in, and it was clear to them both that they needed a quiet moment of connection.
They had been lying upon a blanket in the grass for quite a long time, merely enjoying one another's company after the children were asleep. Their love had remained behind closed doors, whether it was their bedrooms or his study, and they were thrilled to find a new place they could be alone together. She was personally running out of reasons to care if their love was in the open or not, but she knew they needed to be discreet for the children, at least. She knew he wanted that too, at least until her divorce was finalized, if they could.
"Would you like me to go with you to visit your lawyer tomorrow?" She smiled, wondering if they had been thinking about the same things.
"Would you be comfortable joining me? I can't imagine how awkward it feels for me to be talking about such things when I belong to you." He chuckled, shaking his head as he pressed a kiss to the top of her head.
"You are not my property, and you never will be."
"My heart belongs to you, then. Surely you can't argue with that." She raised her head to give him a teasing look, and he laughed at her ability to argue and make him smile all at the same time.
"Well, I suppose since I can say the same about my heart belonging to you, then I can't possibly argue." She smiled brightly, giving him a gentle kiss upon the lips before moving back to her place against his chest. He wrapped his arm tighter around her, loving nothing more than the feeling of her body against his. Everything did feel so perfect between them. Though, he had to admit, the idea that she was still married to another man was never too far from his mind.
"Maria…will you tell me what it was like with him?" She stayed quiet for a moment while she gathered her thoughts, doing her best to understand where his mind was wandering.
"What do you mean?"
"Just to be with him in general. To be intimate, I suppose. I'm not the man who took your virginity as I would have liked to be." She smiled, blushing just a bit, but truly not understanding why.
"I'm not the woman who took yours either."
"Yes, but you weren't even born when I lost mine." She laughed, doing quick math in her head to determine how old he would have had to be when he lost his virginity for that to be true.
"You're not that much older than me!" He joined her laughter, his own story left to be told another time.
"Even so, I suppose I'm a jealous man. I feel as if I was supposed to be your first." She smiled, feeling the same way, of course. She sighed, glad they weren't looking into one another's eyes at the moment, as she would have felt a bit too embarrassed to speak freely about such matters.
"The first time was fine. We were both nervous, and it ended very quickly. I expected it would hurt a lot, but it wasn't too uncomfortable. He was very gentle." He let out a breath that he didn't mean to hold, incredibly relieved that she had at least been shown proper care her first time.
"I'm glad to hear that. I had an idea of how he must have been with you, and I'd like to know I'm wrong."
"I know it sounds silly coming from me, but there were times he was kind to me. He isn't all bad. Nobody is, I suppose…don't misunderstand, it never felt good by any means. You were my first time finding pleasure, if that makes you feel any better."
"It does, actually." She laughed, knowing he would appreciate that fact. It was true, of course.
"He wasn't much interested in making me feel loved in that way. We only did it facing one another a few times." He frowned, not quite understanding.
"He would just roll you over onto your stomach?" She shook her head, finding it a bit difficult to relive a time when she was used in such a way. She had no idea at the time.
"He liked to just bend me over, more like. There was never much lead up." He willed himself not to feel angry, knowing it was all well in the past, but he couldn't stop himself from feeling the urge to stand and begin pacing. He knew she needed him to remain calm, as he had been the one to ask her to be vulnerable in the first place. He briefly recalled a time when he tried to initiate love making from behind, and she had quickly changed their position. He didn't understand her reaction until that very moment.
"He didn't want to look into your eyes?"
"Or perhaps he didn't want me to look into his. I don't know, I'm sure it was obvious I didn't like it with him. In fact, I know it was. He told me he knew." She remembered that argument quite well, one of many where he reminded her of her duties to him as a wife.
"He wasn't forceful with you, was he?"
"Oh, goodness no. A bit rough sometimes, but never forceful. Though, honestly, I didn't realize for a long time that I was allowed to say no. I simply went along with it." He frowned, readjusting and placing a finger beneath her chin to pull her to face him. She gave a small smile, her eyes glistening a bit as she remembered.
"I'm sorry you were ever made to feel that way."
"Now I know how truly lucky I am to have you, in every way. Perhaps I would have taken you for granted, had I not known the difference." He laughed a bit, knowing she was trying to lighten the mood. "You saved me in so many ways."
"I could say the same about you." They shared a smile, and she wondered if she should share something more, something that had been weighing on her mind and making her feel guilty for quite a while.
"Georg, I…" She licked her lips, suddenly quite dry as she began to speak. He gave her a kiss for encouragement, his heart beating a bit faster at what she could possibly say. "I went to bed with him after my first time with you. I didn't want to, honestly, but I felt I couldn't justify not…"
"Maria, please don't. How could I possibly have any right to be upset by that?"
"Because, even though we didn't say it our first time, I think we both knew how in love we've always been. I've felt as if I betrayed you." He shook his head, wishing he could take her pain away. She was clearly struggling with so much more than he had any idea about, new layers appearing every day, it seemed.
"He was your husband. You were trying to work things out. I understand very well." She felt tears brimming her eyes, but she wouldn't let them fall. She didn't want to ruin their perfectly lovely evening with her own tears and regret.
"I don't know what I ever did to deserve you." He laughed, having always wondered the same thing about deserving her.
"We were simply made for each other, it seems." She smiled, sighing in relief that he wasn't upset with her in any way. She had carried such heavy emotions for far too long when there was no need, it seemed. "You've shared a lot of things with me tonight that I know were difficult to say. Perhaps I can do the same, and we'll be on level ground."
"What do you mean?" He sat up, bringing her to sit with him as he began to dig into his pocket. She watched him, a bit puzzled.
"I know we've already decided to be married whenever we can, but I was hoping to give you more of a promise than just my word." He pulled out a small box and opened it to reveal a gorgeous ring. It was a golden band detailed with diamonds, quite practical, yet extremely elegant. It could not have been more perfect.
"It's so beautiful, darling." She shook her head in astonishment, constantly surprised by how well he knew her. While she wanted to put the ring on right away, she knew it would be in very poor taste for her to wear another man's ring while she was still married. He noticed her hesitation, and he smiled to her.
"I was thinking, if you're willing to wear it, perhaps you could put it on your other hand until we can be official with our intentions." She smiled brightly, holding out her hand for him to slide the ring onto her finger, which he was more than happy to do. She looked at her hand, unable to stop herself from crying by that point.
"It is so perfect….you are perfect." He laughed as he pulled her into an embrace.
"Not even close, I assure you." He ran his hands over her back, pressing kisses to her hair. "But all things considered, I am so happy."
"I am too. It feels wrong to be, but I am." She pulled away and met his eyes, and he chuckled a bit as he wiped the tears from her cheeks.
"Happiness is never wrong, my love. No matter how anyone has ever made you feel in the past, you deserve it just as much as anyone else." She smiled, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips as the moon shone brightly across the sky.