On the planet of Almeracia, a brutal civil war was ongoing. This was the same race Queen Maxima came from in the 21st century. She had been extremely aroused by Superman and attempted to rape him on several occasions. She got locked up in the DEO where she eventually escaped during a lockdown failure only to die with great indignity by Supergirl. The Almeracians were a warrior race who tended to name themselves in pretentious ways that only made sense in the English language.

Kon and Saura visited Almeracia to bring these people truth, justice, and the American Way. Before arriving, Kon had been anointed by Pope Barney in oil for this special task. He wasn't given any specific instructions to convert the natives. In fact, he wasn't given any instructions at all. At the time of Kon's arrival, King Supremo was in charge, but he was a troubled man. He often had nightmares and was perpetually pissed off.

"My King, the musician from Earth has arrived. He is skillful in playing, a mighty man of valor, a man of war, prudent in speech, and a comely person, and the gods are with him. He is also Insane," a servant said to him.

So, Kon was given an audience with the king. "They say you can play the harp well," King Supremo said expectedly.

"Wait...what? Who said that? A man playing a harp sounds kind of queer to me," Kon replied.

"Play me a song or I will execute these servants for lying to me," King Supremo ordered.

"Fuck," Kon realized and attempted to play the harp. Due to his Kryptonian intelligence, he quickly went from beginner to expert within an hour greatly pleasing the king.

"You have done well, young man. I feel greatly refreshed. I now have great love for you so now you will be my armor bearer. Here is some wine and bread," King Supremo said to Kon.

"Happy to be of service," Kon said as he took the wine bottle and loaf of bread.

In their new apartment, Kon and Saora ate and drank. "This is really good bread," Saora said impressed.

"Want some?" Kon asked of the wine.

"You, go ahead. I want you drunk as fuck when I ambush you for sex in the middle of the night," Saora said.

Kon stared at her and then smiled. "Nice," he said as he drank the whole bottle. "Why do you think Barney wants us here?"

"If he gave you instructions, would you follow them?" Saora asked.

"No," Kon said obviously.

"It's reverse psychology. By not giving you orders, Barney predicts what you will do better," Saora assumed.

"Well, we'll have to put that to the test," Kon smirked and then passed out.

The next day, the armies of the Invincibles squared off with the Pinnacles, two rival Almeracian factions. King Supremo was the leader of the Invincibles. Despite it being the 31st century, these armies largely fought the same way as the Iron Age with swords, clubs, and shields. The two forces hung out on mountain ranges with a valley in between them. In those days, it was common for one warrior from each side to fight each other to decide battles rather than two armies clashing resulting in thousands of dead. The Pinnacles named Gargantua to be their champion. He was eight feet tall and a beast. He was also an epic shit-talker. The entire Invincible army was afraid of him and with good reason. Gargantua never lost a fight. He was heavily armored with a helmet of brass, clad with a coat of mail, a heavy coat, brass greaves on his legs, and a javelin of brass between his shoulders. In his hand was a spear wearing six hundred kilograms and his shield bearer went before him.

"Choose your man for you and let him come down to me. If he be able to fight with me and kill me, then we will be your servants, but if I prevail against him, and kill him, then shall you be our servants and serve us," Gargantua declared.

"We are so fucked," many on the Invincible side said to themselves.

Gargantua continued to talk mad shit against the Invincibles for most of the day. Eventually, Kon arrived on the Invincible side looking totally hung over and not wearing any armor. King Supremo then came before Kon. "If you defeat this man, I will give you riches and my daughter as your wife."

"Nice," Kon smiled as he had seen King Supremo's beautiful muscular daughters at court. "Let not your heart be troubled. Your servant will go and fight with this Pinnacle."

"Are you sure you can fight him? You look like a youth and Gargantua is a man of war?" King Supremo said uncertainly.

"One time while I was having an enthusiastic walk through the woods, I wrestled a bear and a lion at the same time and slew them both. I will add this Pinnacle to the pile," Kon brought up.

"Go, and may the gods be with you," King Supremo allowed.

Kon dismissed any armor or weaponry as he went down into the valley. Gargantua was not impressed. "Am I a dog that you come to me with boys? I curse you in the name of all of my gods." He then proceeded to list them obnoxiously. "Come to me and I will give your flesh to the birds of the heavens and the beasts of the field."

"You come to me with sword, spear, and javelin, but I come to you in the name of me. This day, I will smite your ass and take your head, and I will give the dead bodies of the Pinnacles to the birds of the heavens and the wild beasts of the field," Kon said confidently.

Kon then sped toward Gargantua with super-speed giving himself a good line of sight. He stopped himself, aimed his index finger, and fired a beam. The beam went through Gargantua's head killing him instantly. Kon then casually walked over to the dead body, took Gargantua's own heavy sword, and beheaded him. Now, instead of making good on their promise to serve the Invincibles if they won, the Pinnacles fled the scene.

"What bitches," Kon said dismayed as they retreated.

The Invincibles chased after the retreating Pinnacles slaying many of them and destroying their camp. Kon joined in the fight by taking out his sword and slaughtering fools all over the place. His clothes and body were positively blood-soaked at the end of it. Kon took back Gargantua's head in a box and brought it back to the capital like a boss.

It soon came to pass that Kon and King Supremo's son, Juggernaut, became good friends. When Saora heard of the report, she raised an eyebrow. "What?" Kon asked confused.

"I heard that you knit your soul with Juggernaut's soul and that you love him as you love your own soul," she said accusingly.

"So?" Kon asked.

"Sounds...a little queer to me, Kon," Saora frowned.

"Look, knit isn't the best translation, alright. It just means we have an alliance, a military pact, comrade-in-arms shit. You wouldn't understand because you're a female," Kon said.

"And the other part?" Saora asked.

"We're all supposed to love each other. It's not sexual. You're the one being gross about this," Kon gaslit.

"I also heard you made a covenant with him during a ceremony where Juggernaut stripped off his clothes before you and gave them to you," Soara added.

"He only took off his jacket and gave it to me," Kon said referring to his black leather jacket. "He also gave me this cool sword, bow, and belt."

"You don't find any of this odd?" Saora asked.

"No, I saved their asses from being enslaved by the Pinnacles. I'm a fucking big deal. If anything, they should be giving me more shit. Everything that happened during the ceremony was in clear sight of the men. This planet is extremely homophobic. What you're talking about is damn impossible. I get all these gifts and awards and you're just jealous. You're the one that's fucked up, sexualizing male friendship. It's because females are nasty to each other and have never fought side-by-side, bled together, died together, taken a shit together," Kon said passionately.

"Alright," Soara allowed.

"It's not queer," Kon insisted.

"I believe you," Soara said with false sincerity.

"It's not," Kon said mostly to himself. "It's not."

After the Pinnacle threat had ended, there was a grand parade in the capital city. The women came out and praised Kon with choirs and musical instruments. They said the following chorus continuously: Supremo hath slain his thousand, and Kon his ten thousand. Kon found that hilarious and enjoyed all the attention he was getting. King Supremo, however, was not amused and was pissed off with envy.

Oblivious to the situation, Kon played the harp for King Supremo. Suddenly, King Supremo threw a spear at him which Kon easily evaded. Kon then pointed his hand at King Supremo with an energy orb ready to kill him. King Supreme backed away into a corner and cowered in fear. Kon relented not to kill him. "I've assessed the situation, and I'm leaving."

Shortly afterward, King Supremo promoted Kon to captain of his forces and gave him a false apology. He also gave Kon his daughter in marriage, Maxi. Secretly, King Supremo said to himself. "Let not my hand be upon him but let the hand of the Pinnacles be upon him." From that time on, he looked for ways to get Kon killed in battle.

But Maxi was enamored and greatly loved Kon and engaged in frequent threesomes with him and Saora. And, in all these things, Saora was totally cool with this development. However, there was a catch. In Almeracian culture, a dowry was expected and Kon was a cheapskate. Also, his accounts of precious metals were on Earth and were being monitored by his parents. Fortunately, King Supremo was more than happy to give Kon an alternative.

"Kill a hundred Pinnacle warriors as your payment for the dowry. Go alone," King Supremo said.

"No problem," Kon smiled.

Kon went on an enthusiastic walk into the woods and slew two hundred Pinnacle warriors with his sword. To provide proof, he brought back a bag with body parts. "King Supremo, in the tradition of your people, I have brought you a bag of dicks," Kon said proudly.

"Is he fucking serious?" King Supremo wondered and had his servants check it. "Did you cut off their penises before or after you killed them?"

"Before," Kon nodded.

"My King, there be two hundred Pinnacle penises in this, here, bag," they said.

Stunned, King Supremo was greatly afraid. "The dowry has been paid."

Juggernaut then came to Kon to snitch out his father. "I delight in you, Kon, so I'm snitching out my father. My father seeks to slay you. You should take heed and hide yourself. Then, I will tell my father how cool you are to calm him down."

"I'm afraid of no man but I will do as you say to honor the trust and comradery between us," Kon agreed.

Then, Juggernaut said to his father, "Let not the king sin against his servant, against Kon. He has not sinned against you, and his works have been very good for us. For he put his life in his hand and smote the Pinnacles and brought a great victory for all Invincibles. You saw it and did rejoice. Why now sin against innocent blood, to slay Kon without a cause?"

King Supremo was then ashamed of his envy. "As I live, he shall not be put to death."

Kon then came back to the capital, and the friendship between him and Juggernaut grew.

War broke out yet again. Kon took his sword and slew countless thousands like a boss. The entire forest was littered with body parts and limbs. The Pinnacles fled from Kon completely outmatched. Again, the women sang in the streets, "Supremo has killed his thousand, and Kon has killed his hundred thousand."

"What the fuck?" King Supremo said bitterly to himself. "I'm going to kill that bastard."

That night, Maxi informed Kon of her father's plans. "My father intends to slay you."

"Again?" Kon asked sleepily.

"Flee from my father for I fear you will kill him and all his men," Maxi said to him.

"Fuck me," Kon muttered.

When King Supremo and his men barged in to kill Kon, they found Maxi and a fake mannequin in the bed with straw blond hair. "This is bullshit. Where is he?" King Supremo demanded of Maxi.

"Why should I tell you? You're being an asshole," Maxi told him off.

Kon fled the capital and met up with Juggernaut. "What the fuck did I do to deserve this? What is my crime? What is your father so pissed off about?"

"Look, don't worry about it. You won't be attacked. My father doesn't do shit without talking to me about it," Juggernaut said.

"Maybe he won't tell you about killing me because he knows it will grieve you so," Kon considered.

"Whatever your soul desires, I will do it for you," Juggernaut pledged.

"I will stand before your father and allow him to slay me if he finds true fault with me," Kon said.

"Far be it for there is no evil my father could find in you. Come, and let us go out into the field," Juggernaut said.

Saora, who had been there for the entire conversation watched as the two disappeared into the field. "Really?" she scoffed.

Kon and Juggernaut made their alliance official with witnesses. "For I love you as I love my own soul," they said to each other. King Supremo couldn't find Kon anywhere for he had been hiding in the fields. He called Juggernaut, his son, to account for this.

"Son of a bitch, I know you have chosen the Son of El to my own shame, and onto the shame of your bitch mother. For as long as the Son of El lives, you shall not be established as king. Fetch him to me for he shall surely die," King Supremo ordered.

"For what cause may you put him to death? What has he done?" Juggernaut resisted.

King Supremo angrily threw a spear at him which missed. Juggernaut then left the room in a huff. King Supremo gave his son an odd look. "Is it possible my son is a queer?"

Juggernaut then raced back to the field and found Kon. The two kissed each other on the cheek and then mourned their circumstances with one another. "Go in peace, for I have sworn both of us in the name of the gods, saying, between me and you, there shall be nothing between my seed and your seed forever."

When Juggernaut took off, Saora turned to Kon. "You sure?"

"What are you on about?" Kon asked impatiently.

"When is it queer, Kon? When does it cross that line?" Saora asked.

"When balls touch. It's the Insane way," Kon said obviously.

"So, he can hug you, hold hands with you, kiss you, jerk you off, even suck your dick and it's not queer?" Saora questioned.

"There's nothing queer about getting your dick sucked by anyone," Kon told her off. "That isn't an admission."

"Is it queer for him to do it to you?" Saora asked.

There was a long awkward silence between them. "Yeah, maybe," Kon considered. "But it's nowhere close to that. We're just really good friends. If you were in the military, you would understand."

"I was raised a military brat my whole life and I never saw General Zod allow any man to kiss him," Saora recalled.

"General Zod was an asshole and Kryptonians are emotionally stunted creatures," Kon pointed out.

"Fair," Saora allowed.

"You need to stop sexualizing my friendships. There's something wrong with you," Kon told her.

For a good while, Kon went about the various villages threatening them to give him sanctuary. When he left, King Supremo's men came in and then slaughtered the very people who gave Kon housing and food. In this way, several villages were hit. Seeing the political chaos among the Invincibles, the Pinnacles decided this was the right time to make their move.

Kon was in an awkward position where the Invincible King wanted him dead, but the Pinnacles were invading. He prayed to God to give him guidance. "My Lord, shall I slaughter the fuck out of the Pinnacles?"

And the Lord replied to Kon in his prayers. "You shall."

So, Kon went out and slaughtered the Pinnacle army and took their livestock. The women then cheered for Kon in the capital singing, "Supremo has killed his thousand but Kon has killed his million."

Pissed off by this, King Supremo continued his search for Kon and found nothing. Juggernaut came to Kon to give him more warnings and a new pledge of support. "Fear not for the hand of my father shall not find you and you shall be king over the Invincibles, and I shall be next unto you and my father will know of it."

"Really?" Saora asked Kon as Juggernaut departed.

King Supremo increased his army and searched for Kon. So, Kon played a new game where he secretly infiltrated King Supremo's camp and cut off bits of his clothing to spook him. Finally, while they were a distance away from each other, Kon spoke to King Supremo. "Behold, I have spared your ass for you are the king of your people. See how I cut a piece off your robe. I could have killed you, but I did not. See that there is no evil or transgression in me, and I have not sinned against you though you try to kill me."

King Supremo then wept at these words. "You are more righteous than I for you have rendered onto me good, whereas I have been an asshole. Swear to me, that you will not cut off my seed after me and that you will not destroy my name out of my father's house."

"Yeah, sure," Kon agreed. "We, good?"

However, King Supremo quickly went back on his word and gave chase against Kon yet again. Kon decided to take up residence in the Pinnacle kingdom. Although the people hated him, they dared not try to fight with him and King Supremo dared not enter enemy territory. Once the Pinnacles were certain Kon wouldn't start shit, they marched against the Invincibles.

In desperation, King Supremo sent for Kon, but he refused to get involved. King Supremo then sent a transmission to Earth for help. Mon-El took the call. "Why do you call me and disturb my sleep?" Mon asked annoyed.

"I am sorely distressed for the Pinnacles make war against me and your son has departed from me. Therefore, I have called you so that you may make known to me what I should do," King Supremo said lamely.

"Why do you ask me if my son has departed from you and has become your adversary? Your kingdom will be taken from you, into the hands of your enemy, even to my son. Tomorrow, you and your sons will die, and your kingdom will be delivered into the hands of the Pinnacles. You're fucked," Mon laughed maniacally and ended the transmission.

King Supremo fasted and prayed to his gods but decided to face the Pinnacles even though he knew he would lose. The battle went badly for the Invincibles as expected. King Supremo and his sons, including Juggernaut, perished in the battle. The Pinnacles discovered King Supremo's body, beheaded him, and stripped off his armor. At the same time, Kon was busy conducting raids against a third kingdom called the Acmes.

One Acme came before Kon and fell on his face. "Where you come from?" Kon asked casually.

"Out of the camp of the Invincibles, I escaped," he said.

"Sup?" Kon asked.

"The soldiers have fled from the battle and many of them have fallen and are dead. King Supremo, Juggernaut, and his sons are dead also," he told him.

"How do you know?" Kon asked seriously.

"I saw King Supremo leaning upon his spear and he asked me to slay him for he was about to be killed. So, I stood beside him and slew him, took his crown that was upon his head, and the bracelet that was on his arm, and have brought them to you," he said.

Kon clutched his head in grief and agony and went Super Insane rattling the countryside. He then fired on the Acme messenger killing him instantly. Kon calmed down and powered down to normal. Kon then began to cry bitterly. Saora walked over to him and embraced him as he sobbed.

"How are the mighty fallen amid battle? Juggernaut is slain upon the high places. I am distressed for my brother, Juggernaut. Very pleasant he was to me. His love for me was wonderful, surpassing the love of women. How are the mighty fallen, and the weapons of war perished!"

"Now, now," Saora consoled him as Kon was being obnoxiously overdramatic.

Kon then straightened up and went back to his typical Insane self. "I'm going to go ahead and...slay the entire House of Supremo," Kon decided.

"Is that what Juggernaut, your fear friend, would have wanted?" Saora wondered.

Kon gave her a confused look. "Who?"

So it came to pass that Kon purged the House of Supremo except for a disabled handicapped man he took pity on and made a jester in his court. Kon made use of various assassins in his purge only to rebuke and kill those assassins once they got the job done so he looked innocent of it. In one particular instance, Kon sliced off the assassin's hands and feet and then hung them upside down on the capital walls. Once he solidified his position as king, Kon prayed to the Lord on what to do with the approaching Pinnacle army.

"Shall I go up against the Pinnacles? Will you deliver them into my hand?" Kon prayed.

"I shall," the Lord replied in his prayers.

So, Kon went out and slaughtered the Pinnacle army...again. And the Invincible women of the capital sang, "Supremo killed his thousand, Kon has killed his ten million."

Kara, Mon, and Brainiac 5 overheard the singing as they went to the palace. "God damn," Kara winced.

"That's my boy," Mon said pleased.

"The situation is even more chaotic than before," Brainiac 5 remarked.

Kara, Mon, and Brainiac 5 entered the palace and found Kon chilling out on his throne which was made up of a collection of thousands of Pinnacle swords he had collected on the battlefield. The throne was so sharp no mortal could sit on it except Kon. "Out of the chair, Kon," Kara rebuked.

"You can't say that to me. I'm the king," Kon said stubbornly.

Kara turned to Saora. "You were supposed to be a moderating influence on him."

"Kind of lost interest in that once he got a new wife and formed a very special covenant with another man," Saora said annoyed.

Kara simply stared at her. "Okay, timeout. Everything is going to be reset here," she ordered. "Barney, fix this mess."

"As you wish," Brainiac 5 replied.

"I am the king!" Kon shouted and went Super Insane to emphasize his point.

Kara fired heat vision on him and his throne. The intense heat and light melted the throne into liquid metal. Mon winced as Kon was now lying in boiling liquid metal. "Maxi, is it?" she called over.

"Yes, Supreme Leader," she said fearfully.

"Your marriage with my son is annulled and you're now queen," Kara said nonchalantly. "Barney, give her whatever help she needs."

"Your Highness, I have some recommendations for you," Brainiac 5 said as he took her away.

Kara then walked up to Kon who was positively toasted. "I give you instructions and you fuck it up. I don't give you instructions and you still fuck it up."

"From your point of view," Kon disagreed.

"Do you think God would approve of all this fuckery?" Kara asked.

"I prayed and He said yes," Kon replied.

Kara was taken aback by that. Kon rarely ever prayed and never prayed for political guidance before. "Well, who am I to judge then? Go home and recover."

As Kara and Mon departed, Kon got back to his feet. His skin had already healed but his black leather jacket was still smoking. "I guess you think I'm an asshole, huh?" he said to Saora.

"It could have been worse. You could have sent an innocent man to die in battle to steal his wife," Saora smirked.

"That's fucked up. I would never do that," Kon said with false sincerity.

"You are a man after God's own heart not because you are perfect. It is because you are faithful, you repent when you do wrong, and you love God with all your heart," Saora said to him.

Author's Notes: This is basically the summarized version of King David's path to being king. It's up to the reader's interpretation as to whether God really answered Kon's prayers, or he was just talking to himself. There is, of course, scholarly debate on the nature of David and Jonathon's relationship. There are layers of complexity as to what was culturally the norm in ancient times and how events like this would have been recorded. There is also a heavy bias in trying to persuade the reader that King David's reign was legit with both Saul and Jonathon declaring their love for him and declaring him king. AOS interprets this complex historical religious question in the most irresponsible way possible, of course.