Chapter 42
Uijeongbu Korea; December 11th, 1952
"See this is what I'm talking about." Klinger said as he sat down at the table, "getting to finish a long day and come home and eat a meal in my own tent, made by my beautiful wife."
"It's a can of soup I heated up, it's not pot roast and apple pie." Ellie Marie teased, shaking her head.
"It's our food in our home. I wouldn't complain if it was stale crackers and sardines." Klinger said, leaning across the table to kiss her.
"Well it's the least I could do." She said, "what with you surprising me with a Christmas tree!"
"I'm not sure that thing classifies as any sort of tree." He said, looking over his shoulder to the corner where they'd placed it. "I think it's more of a Christmas bush."
"It's our tree in our home, for our first Christmas, I would care if it was a stick." She said, turning his words back on him, and he smirked.
"Using my own words against me huh? You sneak." He smiled and reached across the table and squeezed her hand, "So for the first time in over a week we've got a whole evening to ourselves, with nothing to do and nowhere to be. What should we do?"
"Max…..why'd you have to say that?" Ellie Marie groaned.
"Why'd I have to say wh—"
Attention all personnel, looks like Santa sent us some early presents. We've got wounded.
"I blame you for this…." Ellie Marie said.
"Yeah…..shouldn't have opened my big mouth." He sighed, as they put their bowels on the counter and ran out to help with triage.
"Whatcha got B.J.?" Ellie Marie asked, as she walked up on his left.
"Nothing too bad so far. This guy's a little shocky, but it's only a shoulder wound." He replied.
"Ok, I'll get him to Pre-Op and prepped." She said, she bent down to do a vitals check, "Beej his pulse is weakening."
"He must be shockier than I thought, I'll get his feet elevated."
"I can't get a pulse! Charles!" Ellie Marie yelled for Charles who was carrying the emergency crash kit.
"Winchester, get that emergency kit over here fast!" B.J. added on.
"What have you got?" Charles asked, running to their assistance.
"Cardiac arrest." B.J. explain.
"Here." Charles handed him a syringe, "Adrenaline, it's prepared."
B.J. punched the needle directly into the soldiers heart and pushed the plunger down, they all waited a few seconds.
"Do you have a pulse Ellie?" He asked.
"No, nothing." She said, shaking her head.
"Dammit!" He growled, "More adrenaline Charles! He's not gonna die of a shoulder wound!"
Suddenly there was a loud crack as a gunshot ricocheted off the ambulance directly to their left making them all duck instinctively.
"Sniper!" Colonel Potter bellowed, "Get the patients under cover!" Another bullet hit the ground, this time to their right, followed by one hitting the side of the Post Op.
"Charles! We gotta get him under the bus!" B.J. yelled grabbing the litter of their patient as another bullet whizzed by.
"I've got the other end!" Ellie Marie said, bending to pick it up when suddenly it felt like someone had it hit her from behind with a baseball bat. She was in shock as she went flying forward, and her only thought was that she couldn't land on the patient so she did what she imagined probably looked like a very uncoordinated flop sideways and landed hard on her left side, staring over at the blank eyes of the boy she'd just been helping.
"Ellie!" She heard Major Houlihan's yell, "B.J. she's hit!" Her words didn't register right away, suddenly hands had grabbed her and were dragging her towards a pile of crates. As soon as she started moving firey pain ripped through her leg and she looked down to see blood spreading across the back of her upper thigh and around her hip.
"I'm ok…." She found her voice finally, not even sure who was pulling her, "it's just my leg, I'm ok."
"Thank God…." Hawkeye's voice was close to her ear as he put her down next to another patient behind the crates.
"ELLIE!" Klinger's shout was so full of fear and panic it almost didn't even sound like him, she saw him run into the open searching frantically for her.
"Max get down!" She yelled, "I'm ok!" And her heart almost stopped when a bullet came within an inch of his head, "get to cover now Corporal that's an order!"
"Klinger! Get to the generator and kill the lights!" Colonel Potter yelled.
Klinger shot one more desperate look at her but she nodded, so he turned on his heel and ran for the generator shed. A few seconds later the entire compound went dark.
"Alright! Now let's all stay quiet and get everybody inside pronto!" Colonel Potter whispered as loudly as he dared.
"Are you ok to stay here while I get him inside?" Hawkeye whispered, motioning to the man beside them.
"Yeah I'm fine Hawk, it's not bad, I can tell. It hurts too damn much to be serious."
He smirked and shook his head.
"I'll be back in five minutes ok?"
"I'll be here." She replied.
She sat quietly listening to the shuffle of feet and the urgent whispers around her. After two or three more minutes there was a sudden burst of gunfire from the hillside above the camp.
"Sounds like they got him." Someone commented.
"Thank God….." She heard Margaret reply quietly.
Suddenly without warning Klinger's wide panicked eyes appeared in the dark, right beside her and he wrapped his arms around her.
"Are you ok?" He said breathlessly, "I saw you go down and I thought I heard Major Houlihan say you were hit. I swear to god baby, I've never been so scared in my life."
He cupped her face in his hands, examining it carefully and letting his eyes roam, assessing her, until they landed on the blood soaking her leg.
"Oh god….." He said weakly, "we gotta get you inside, now!"
"Max….breath." She said calmly, "it's not serious, it doesn't feel like it even hit the bone. Just a flesh wound I promise. Though unfortunately from the location of the pain, it seems it may have inflicted some damage to a part of my flesh that you are quite partial to."
She smirked up at him, but his face remained as grave as ever. A moment later Hawkeye reappeared.
"You ready to head in?" He asked.
"Yup, I'm pretty sure I can walk if you both just help me keep the weight off my right leg." She said, and she reached out a hand which Klinger immediately took and slung over his shoulders to support the majority of her weight.
"This is stupid." He said flatly, "there's no reason you have to walk, we can get a litter out here in less than a minute."
"And there's no reason to get a litter when I can get to pre op fine with a little help." She retorted.
They brought her in and laid her down on her stomach on one of the cots.
"Now Klinger….to perform this examination I'm going to have to have a look at some of the more intimate, and if you don't mind me saying exquisite parts of your wife,and I'm going to have to ask you not to punch me for it."
"Cut it out, Captain." Klinger snapped, "just look at her leg."
"Don't mind him, Hawk." Ellie Marie said, as he sliced up the back of her pant leg exposing her entire right leg and buttock. "He's not finding anything particularly amusing at the moment."
"You got shot." Klinger said, glaring at her, "what the hell is funny about that?"
"Ok Corporal….hang onto your hat. This doesn't look too bad." Hawkeye said, "Hey, can I get some more light over here please?" He asked, and bright light was placed directly behind them, "How's it feel Ellie?" He asked.
"It just burns a little. Nothing bad." She replied, "I think the bullet's still in there though."
"Yeah it looks that way." Hawkeye said, "but thankfully you took it right in the ample cushion that you had available, so you're gonna be fine." He put a bandage over the wound and threw a blanket over her. "I'm gonna have Maragret do a few X-rays just to double check that it's just soft tissue damage, and then I'll take you right after I finish this belly wound."
"Sounds good." She said, "Hey! What happened to the guy I was working on with B.J. and Charles, the one who flatlined?"
"Stable!" B.J. called from somewhere behind her, "we got him back."
"Alright folks! The black out is lifted." Colonel Potter walked through the doorway, "they just confirmed that they got the sniper."
Ellie Marie rolled gingerly on her left side, making her right side throb painfully.
"Colonel, my injury is superficial. If you get me something to lean against I'm sure I can still come assist in the O.R." She said.
"Are you out of your damn mind?" Klinger snapped, looking down at her angrily, "You just got shot! You're not going into O.R.!" Ellie Marie opened her mouth to argue with him but the Colonel spoke first.
"Gotta agree with your other half on this one Captain." He said, "it's a light load tonight and you've done more than enough for the war effort. Just get some rest, and we'll all be grateful that the worst you're going to suffer is a sore tush for a few weeks."
A few hours later Ellie Marie was mercifully back in her own bed with an extra pillow under her right leg to keep the pressure off of it. As Hawkeye had predicted the bullet had lodged in the soft tissue on the underside of her right buttock. She'd only needed local anesthesia and a few stitches and was cleared to be on crutches by morning and hopefully bearing weight on the leg by the end of the week.
"You know….when people use the phrase, 'it's as easy as shooting fish in a barrel' I don't think anyone ever has any sympathy for what it must be like, being the fish." She teased. Klinger, who'd been at the counter making her a cup of tea, didn't turn or react in any way, she sighed.
"Max…." She said, quietly, "Can you please tell me what's going on in your head? I know tonight was scary, but you've barely spoken, or looked at me since they brought me out of the O.R. Are you mad at me or something?" At that he turned.
"Mad at you?" He said, "Why the hell would I be mad at you?"
"I don't know…..that's why I'm asking, because you definitely seem mad about something."
"Yeah I'm mad about something!" He snapped, "I'm mad that we're living in a canvas tent in the middle of Korea! I'm mad that our bed is made out of old crates, and we eat our meals out of an army mess tent, where we also got married! I'm mad that our one free night can get interrupted by this damn war and there's nothing we can do to stop it, and that my wife can get shot walking across a compound she's walked across a thousand times, with no warning, and no way for me to stop it!"
"Max….." She wasn't sure what to say to him, but she reached out her hand willing him to come over so she could at least hold him, but he didn't.
"You know what I thought out there? When I saw you go down?" He asked, but he didn't wait for her to answer before plowing on, "I thought about how I'd proposed to you not six feet from that spot. For just a minute I thought that the spot I knew you were gonna be mine forever, was gonna be the same spot I lost you in. How twisted and messed up is that?"
Ellie Marie slid her left leg off the bed and attempted to stand, only then did Klinger finally move.
"What are you doing?" He said gruffly, walking to her side and pushing her back into the bed. She grabbed his hand and pulled him in so he couldn't step away again.
"You weren't coming to me so I was going to you." She said. He sighed and rested his forehead against hers.
"I thought you died." He said, quietly, "It was just for a minute, but I really thought you died, and now I just can't stop thinking about it. All the stupid senseless ways people can die here. You could step on a stray land mine, get hit by a jeep, or a shell, or the sniper might be a better shot next time. I can't let you stay here baby. Keeping you here because I don't want to lose you is the crummiest, most selfish thing I've ever done. You need to go home where it's safe."
"Maxwell Qadir Klinger." Ellie Marie said, giving him a stern look, "Firstly, keeping me here? Since when have you been the one making that decision? I decided to come to this camp, to this war long before I'd ever seen your face or knew your name. Even if you hadn't been here waiting for me, I'd still have been in that compound tonight. And you don't get to decide when I go home, hell at this point I don't either! My contract isn't up until the summer."
"You could go back to Tokyo though." Klinger said, "it's a hell of a lot safer than here."
"That brings me to my second point," Ellie Marie said, "and you're not going to like it but here it is. Death is a part of life, doll face. Are we in more danger here? Of course we are, but that doesn't mean if you ship me off to Tokyo or even Toledo I couldn't step out in the street and get hit by a bus, or choke on a piece of sushi, or hell just have a brain aneurysm in my sleep and never wake up! And then we would've wasted all that time we could have been together. The brass tacks are this Corporal, I'm not leaving. I'm not leaving my post, my patients, my colleagues, and most importantly I'm not leaving my husband. Now I understand that today shook you, hell I even understand why, but I'm fine, and you're going to need to find a way to be ok too. I'm here for you, whatever you need, but you've gotta work this out for yourself."
"How is it?" He said, shooting her a small tired smile, "that you're the one who got shot, and somehow you're comforting and supporting me?"
"Because watching someone you love hurt or in pain is always the harder gig." She said, pressing her hand to his cheek, "You were too out of it to remember but I kinda lost it when you had that fever a few weeks ago too. You're just unfortunate that I'm coherent for your melt down." He laughed slightly and shook his head.
"You still want that tea?" He asked.
"Actually….I think what I want more than anything. Is for my best friend to get in this bed with me and just hold me for a little while." She said. He leaned in and gave her a long kiss.
"I think that's definitely something he could do." He replied, climbing gingerly over her and slipping underneath the covers.
———-
"Well look who it is! Our resident Annie Oakley!" B.J. said, as she hobbled into Colonel Potter's office the next morning.
"Annie Oakley was a gun slinger." Ellie Marie pointed out, as she perched the undamaged half of her rear on one of the office stools and used the crutch for balance. "I just got shot. The only slinging done was done by Hawkeye, on my gluteus maximus."
"Prettiest derrière I've ever repaired." Hawkeye said lightly, walking through the office doors, "even if I do say so myself."
"Watch it Captain…." Klinger said, from his desk on the other side of the door, "My gratitude only extends so far."
"Noted Corporal!" Hawkeye called back.
"Hey…how's he doing?" B.J. asked quietly, nodding towards the door as it closed behind Hawkeye.
"He watched his wife get shot." Ellie Marie answered, "he's been better."
"How many times did he try to talk you into going home last night?" B.J. asked.
"Just once. I shut that down real fast."
"Yeah I figured he would try…" B.J. said, "It freaked me the hell out and I only kinda like ya." He shot her a teasing grin that she returned. "But I gotta be honest last night when I was falling asleep I couldn't help thinking about how I'd feel if it'd been Peg out there. God I couldn't even let myself imagine it."
"He'll be ok." Ellie Marie assured him,"He's a tough cookie, and thankfully I'm perfectly fine. It's just gonna take a little time."
"Ellie, look at you up and around already." Margaret said as she walked through the door, "I'm surprised Klinger let you out of bed this morning."
"Hey now….." Hawkeye teased.
"Oh shut it you sleaze…" Margaret muttered, before turning back to Ellie Marie, "How are you feeling?"
"I'm alright." She answered, "It hurts like hell when I sit and when I stand, but I can't spend all day flat on my back. Shut it!" She pointed at Hawkeye who'd opened his mouth to comment, "so I'm just muddling through. I should be off the crutches by Friday, but my doctor here says I'll need to do some exercises through the new year to get my strength back up."
"Well you be sure to do them alright?" Margaret said, squeezing her shoulder, "I need my right hand gal back as soon as possible!"
"Alright troops." Colonel Potter said, getting up from his desk, "cut the chatter and let's get down to why I brought you all in. Ellie, let me add to the sentiments and tell you it's nice to see you upright so soon. You handled yourself like a real soldier last night, and I'm mighty proud of you."
"Thank you sir." Ellie Marie said.
"Now….the reason for this little powwow….wait, hold on," The Colonel stopped and looked around, "we're one oak leaf cluster short. Where's Winchester?"
"Last time I checked he was in Post Op." B.J. said.
"Margaret can you go get him and tell him we—-"
"Here! I'm here!" Charles came bustling through the door, "forgive my tardiness I was checking up on a patient."
"My patient." B.J. grumbled.
"Hunnicutt I'm aware you performed the surgery but as you yourself pointed out, we brought that man back from the dead, together! He was dead for nearly three minutes. I simply stopped by to see how he was doing and sit with him for a moment. I did not realize only the attending physician was permitted to show compassion."
"Alright, enough of your blustering!" Colonel Potter said pointedly, "There was a reason I called this little meeting and I'd like to get back to it! Now…it's time to rotate your additional duty assignments." They all groaned.
"Do we have to do this now?" Margaret complained.
"Yeah….somebody tried to shoot my assignment off last night!" Ellie Marie added, earning a chuckle from both her fellow Captains.
"Yes, we do. And this time I want everyone to actually do these jobs." Colonel Potter replied as he picked up the folder on his desk, " Hunnicutt, you're our new laundry officer."
"I'd just as soon wash my hands of the whole thing." B.J. quipped.
"Count your blessings. I made Mulcahy the new garbage officer." said the Colonel.
"Some men are born to garbage, and others have garbage thrust upon them." Hawkeye said, sagely.
"Winchester, you've got motorpool. Keep those engines humming."
"Why don't they know the words?" B.J. asked, and Ellie Marie snickered.
"Major Houlihan's the new morale officer, and Captain Lennox you'll be in charge of the library."
"Captain Klinger sir." She corrected, "and come on Colonel…..library is such a weenie detail. You just chase everybody around camp bugging them to return books."
"I dunno it could be fun. We'll get you those horn rimmed glasses, and you can threaten to spank us with rulers if we don't return our books on time." Hawkeye teased. She glared at him.
"If you don't want it you're welcome to trade with Pierce." Colonel Potter said, "he's the new mess tent honcho."
"Nope!" Ellie Marie said quickly, "library is just fine."
"Awwww Colonel…." Hawkeye whined.
"I don't wanna hear it Pierce. You're the only one who hasn't done mess tent duty yet." Colonel Potter replied.
"Fine….I'll add a secret ingredient to every meal! Flavor." Hawkeye retorted.
"I can hardly wait." The Colonel said dryly, "now in less anyone has anything else to discuss?" No one spoke, "Perfect. Dismissed."
They all filed out of the Colonel's office and disbursed back to their daily activities, but as B.J. headed back towards Post Op, Ellie Marie put a hand on his arm.
"Hey…" she said quietly, "what was all that with Charles?" B.J. looked over his shoulder to where Charles was leaving through the other door.
"There's something going on with him." He said, "you know how he said he went to sit with Markham for a few minutes?"
"Yeah…."
"He was sitting there for over a half an hour….just watching him sleep."
"Ok….that's definitely weird. But I mean you guys brought him back from the dead. Conceivably, that may have created some sort of bond in Charles' mind. As long as he's not doing anything to disturb Markham I'd say just let him ride it out. Being faced with death can do some screwy things to people."
"Hey baby." Klinger said from his desk, as he turned to them.
"Case and point." She muttered quietly to B.J., "Yes my love?"
"How you doin?" He asked, "You want me to help you back down to the tent? You shouldn't push yourself too hard." She used her one crutch to hobble over to him and leaned down to kiss him.
"Maxwell…..I'm fine. I know you're hovering because you care, but you gotta let me be as normal as I can or I'm gonna go crazy. Ok? I'm sure by the end of the day I'm going to be sore, tired, and exhausted and I promise to let you wait on me hand and foot as soon as we get home. Deal?"
He smiled and shook his head.
"Deal." He agreed, and she kissed him one more time.
"I'm going to go finish up my work in the lab from yesterday if anyone needs me ok?" She said looking from Klinger to B.J. who was still at the Post Op door. B.J. gave a small salute of understanding as he headed back into the ward.
She'd only been in the lab for about twenty minutes when Hawkeye walked in carrying a large binder,and plopped it down in front of her.
"Here you go librarian." He said, "the list of all the books in 4077th library. If there's a check mark next to them it means they are currently checked out. Like how I did that?" He smirked, "Initials of the person who checked it out and date of return are next to them."
"Hang on….." Ellie Marie said, flipping through the pages, "over half of these check marks don't have anything written next to them. What does that mean?"
"It means they're not in the library, and no one knows where they are." He said.
"So you're saying close to half the books that are supposed to be in the library are missing!?"
"Over half actually." Hawkeye corrected.
"And I don't suppose you tried to go find any of them in your capacity as camp librarian?" She asked.
"No, mostly I just read the old National Geographics and made out between the stacks with whoever was interested." He replied.
"I can't believe this…." She muttered as she flipped through the pages, "what's even left in there?"
"Medical journals, all except the ones on the reproductive system, a couple Bibles and prayer book, a hymnal, oh and the entire self help section."
"If that's not a commentary on the human condition I don't know what is…." Ellie Marie muttered, "Alright thanks….I'll try and sort it out."
About an hour later she headed back towards the main office, with her leg already starting to throb. Part of her wanted to take Klinger up on his offer and let him baby her a bit, but she knew her pride would never let her. As she opened the door she heard raised voices.
"Let me ask you a question Dr. Schweitzer." Charles said bitingly to B.J. who was standing practically nose to nose with him, "Can you honestly stand there and tell me that you've never wondered what it was like?"
"What, what was like?" B.J. retorted, crossing his arms.
"What that boy went through! He was dead!"
"Uh huh."
"You've truly never wondered what might come….after?"
"No, I figure I'll find out soon enough." B.J. said with a shrug.
"Well, you may need to cloak yourself in denial, but I am not afraid to face up to the harshest reality of all!" Charles snapped.
"Let me give you mother harsh reality, doctor." B.J. said pointedly, "Markham is my patient. You stay the hell away from him."
Charles glared at him, and for a moment it seemed like there was something else he wanted to say, but then after shooting B.J. one more contemptuous look, he turned quickly and stormed out the door. B.J. looked from where Klinger sat at his desk, to where Ellie Marie stood a few feet away and opened his mouth to no doubt explain when he was cut off.
"What is the matter with you!?" Margaret spat furiously, shoving through the Post Op doors. She'd obviously been eavesdropping.
"With me?" B.J. asked, sounding affronted.
"Why are you yelling at that poor man?" Margaret continued, "can't you see he's troubled?"
"When I get finished taking care of my patients, I'll start worrying about the doctors." B.J. shot back.
"I'm sitting in there reading a manual on how to boost morale and you're out here tearing it down!" Margaret snapped.
"Ok, hang on. Time out." Ellie Marie said, hobbling over to them. "Can somebody please explain what in the world happened in there?"
"I walked in and saw Charles hovering over Markham like a ghoul." B.J. said, "asking him all these questions about where he went, and what he saw when he was dead. The kid doesn't need a constant reminder of the worst thing that ever happened to him!"
"You're right B.J." Ellie Marie agreed, "but that doesn't mean Margaret's wrong. I get why you're upset, but Charles is obviously going through something pretty serious here too. A little compassion and sensitivity would probably go a long way."
"Exactly!" Margaret said, "He's obviously very troubled, and screaming at him isn't going to boost his spirits!"
"Fine." B.J. snapped, rounding on her. 'You're the moral officer! You give him a boost!" He shoved past her and stalked back into Post Op.
"Can you believe him?" Margaret said, glaring at his back as he left.
"He needs a major shot of empathy to be sure." Ellie Marie agreed, "but he's just being defensive of his patient's wellbeing, it's the right call as a doctor. What's going on with Charles though? You said he seems deeply troubled."
"I'm not sure, but B.J.s right. He appears to be obsessed with Private Markham, he sat with him for over an hour and just before B.J. came in a few minutes ago and interrupted, he seemed almost near tears."
"Major Winchester?" Klinger said disbelievingly, and Margaret nodded.
"That definitely doesn't sound like Charles." Ellie Marie agreed, "Maybe someone should talk to him."
"Well like I said, I'm morale officer now, so I might as well give it a try." Margaret said.
"Are you sure Margaret?" Ellie Marie asked, "Charles can be….tricky, even when he's at his best."
"Oh please….." Margaret said rolling her eyes, "you think because you two slept together once you understand him on some deeper level?"
"Hey, watch it Major." Klinger warned sharply.
"It's ok Max." Ellie Marie said, before turning back to Margaret, "actually Margaret, I think I've always understood him on a more personal level in some ways, which is probably why we ended up sleeping together. But thanks for that cheap shot, be my guest and go see if you can boost his morale yourself."
She turned away from her and walked over to where Klinger was seated at the desk. He shot Margaret one more glare before she turned and left the room.
"Her ability to get all high and mighty with any tiny bit of authority she's given would almost be comical if it wasn't so annoying." Ellie Marie said with a heavy sigh. Klinger stood up and she happily leaned her weight against him and rested her head on his shoulder.
"You're tired." He pointed out, brushing her hair back from her face.
"No I'm not….I'm simply taking a moment to recharge." She teased, he looked down at her.
"You're pushing too hard, baby. There's nothing wrong with admitting you need a little rest today." He said.
"Even if you were right. Which I'm not saying you are. I just got stuck with library duty! So on top of my normal work, I have to try and track down all the missing books in camp, and the Colonel made it pretty clear he wants these jobs actually done this time."
"Alright, how about this?" Klinger said, brushing his hand along her cheek, "I take you home and make you comfortable, then I will go talk to everybody in the camp and collect all the library books that I can find. Then you can at least get a head start on sorting through them from the comfort of our bed?"
"You'd do that for me?" She said.
"I do anything for gorgeous," He said, "but honestly I got a light afternoon work wise so it isn't even that big of a deal." She kissed him.
"How'd I get so lucky?" She asked.
"That's my line." He teased, "now are you good to walk home or do you want me to carry you?"
"I'm walking." She said firmly, "the last thing I need is for people to see me being carried around like an invalid."
As they turned to walk out Hawkeye walked in with an unknown M.P. right behind him.
"Hey no you don't. Klinger you're staying here." Hawkeye said pointing at them, "Sorry Ellie but I've got a bone to pick with your lesser half."
"What'd he do?" She asked.
"Yeah, what'd I do?" He echoed.
"Klinger….this man is here to arrest me." Hawkeye said, motioning over his shoulder.
"Good I didn't want to have to be the one to do it." Ellie Marie teased.
"I have a few questions about those 50 trays you borrowed from the 8063rd for me." Hawkeye said.
"What trays?" Ellie Marie asked, looking from one to the other.
"The less you know the better baby." Klinger replied.
"So the guy said he'd lend me 50 trays if I'd lend him 100 forks, but we don't have 100 extra forks laying around. So I stole the trays instead." He explained to Hawkeye.
"Maxwell!" Ellie Marie chastised.
"We M*A*S*Hs nick stuff from each other all the time. It's an unwritten rule. You don't fink on the guy who did it, you just get what you need from the next unit down the line! The 4021st probably stole our trays in the first place!" He defended.
"Except this time they did fink and you and I are about to end up in the stockade over 50 stinking army trays!" Hawkeye whispered furiously.
"Why don't we just give him back the trays? Tell him we were a couple of kids out on a lark?"
"That's liable to keep us out of jail, but meanwhile I'm back to owing the Army 50 trays again!" Hawkeye grumbled.
"That sounds like a you problem." Ellie Marie said pointedly, "and next time you try to solve it, leave my husband out of it! You know he can't resist a sneaky underhanded scheme, it's like a fix for him!"
"She's right it really is…." Klinger agreed, and he and Hawkeye walked back over to the M.P.
"Look Sergeant." Hawkeye said, "I think this is all a big mistake. I mean nobody in this unit would ever steal any trays, but, uh, maybe I can help you out. If the 8063rd is short a few trays, we have some extras. I'm sure Corporal Klinger here, " He pushed Klinger in front of him, "would be happy to get you as many as you need."
"I got you sir." The M.P. said with a smirk, "I think maybe we can work something out."
"Great. So how many were they missing?" Hawkeye asked.
"75." The man replied.
Three hours later Ellie Marie was sitting on her bed surrounded by books and magazines. Klinger had come through and managed to bring back 30 of the items from the library's inventory, and Ellie Marie had been thrilled to find out that 17 of the 30 had been items listed as missing. She was now going through the binder and methodically erasing check marks to indicate the books were back in the library's stock. Klinger had given her one of the painkillers Hawkeye had prescribed before he went back up to work, and she'd found that if she placed an extra pillow between her knees and sat with her weight on her left side, she was mostly comfortable. As she moved Moby Dick from one pile to the other, and erased the check mark she became aware of voices that seemed close at hand outside her door. She attempted to ignore it for a few minutes, but in the end her curiosity got the better of her, and she groaned slightly as she got to her feet and reached for her crutch. Her leg had gotten stiff in the time she'd been laying there and protested as she moved towards the door. She opened it and saw Charles standing across the road with Rizzo, who had what looked like the entire engine of a jeep spread out on a sheet.
"Sir, I don't understand. Why am I taking this apart? It was working fine!" Rizzo complained as he put down another part.
"My good man, don't you understand the power you have here?" Charles said, "You can take a keep apart and reduce it to an inert pile of junk. And then whenever you want to, at a whim, you can fit it together again, and it will roar back to life. If only we could do that with human beings….they….they wouldn't die."
Rizzo looked up at him in concern, and then shot a quick look at Ellie Marie standing in her doorway as if he wasn't sure what he should do next.
"Charles….." She said gently, and he jumped and looked up quickly, clearly having not noticed she was there, "could you come in here for a few minutes please?"
"Oh, I'm sorry Captain but I couldn't possibly." He said, "Far too much work to do here."
"You go on Major." Rizzo said, "Gonna take me at least 45 minutes to get this engine back together. I'll let you know when I'm done."
"Oh….very well then." Charles said, walking across the road to meet her, and then entering her tent. "Is everything alright? He asked, "are you experiencing any pain or in need of any assistance?"
"No, I'm fine." She replied, "how about you?"
"Whatever do you mean?" He asked, shifting his weight uncomfortably.
"Charles, there's something going on with you." She said pointedly, "Everyone can see it. Do you want to tell me what it is?"
"Why does everyone insist on sticking their nose into my business today?" Charles snapped.
"Everyone?" She questioned.
"Yes, Major Houlihan cornered me, only a half hour ago trying to appease me with platitudes about how difficult it is to stay positive, and how we all become overwhelmed at times."
"Well those things are very true." Ellie Marie pointed out.
"Yes, they are. But they are also completely irrelevant to me at this specific juncture." He replied.
"Ok…well I'm not giving you platitudes, and I'm not trying to make you cheer up I'm just asking you to tell me what's going on inside your head. Because Charles….this is me talking…..it's you and it's me and I'm telling you, I know you're not alright."
He looked at her for a long moment before sighing, and sitting down heavily on her couch. She went over and half sat, half laid on the foot of her bed to keep her weight off her sore right side. He looked over at her awkward position and gave a tired half smile.
"You know I haven't even asked you how you're feeling, or checked up on you." He pointed out, "what an abysmal friend."
"Of all the people in this camp, you are the one I most depend on to be practical. Especially when it comes to anything medical. My wound was superficial at best, therefore you had no need to check on my well-being, if you'd made a fuss like everyone else I think I might have been slightly disappointed."
He chuckled, and then pressed his palms to his eyes and sighed.
"I don't know what is wrong with me…." He said quietly.
"Just tell me what's going on in your head." She repeated gently. He sighed again, and folded his hands in his lap where he stared at them as he began to speak.
"I don't think I ever told you this, but I had a younger brother." He said quietly, "His name was Thomas. When we were both very young, I couldn't have been more than six, he passed away. It was an accident, he was playing on the stairs and he slipped somehow, I'll be honest I was too young to remember the details."
"Oh Charles….that's awful. I'm so sorry."
"It was." He agreed, "my mother was devastated. She cried for weeks. I remember that I couldn't fully comprehend it at the time, it was as if Thomas had gone away on some sort of trip, and at any minute my father would stand and say 'oh look Charles! Tom's come home!' But even with that….for months after it happened, I was unable to walk past his room without this……nameless fear. It was like a hand would clamp down around my heart, and I would get this…tingling sensation in my chest and my arms. Then….yesterday when we were in the compound. I saw you go down just feet from me, I very truly believed I might be next, and the feeling came back. It hasn't left since. I'm afraid Ellie, and I don't understand why. But Markham, he was there! He saw what comes next, and I just thought….if he could tell me. Tell me what there is over there…."
"That maybe you could stop being afraid?" She surmised, and he nodded slowly.
"Charles I'll be honest, I wish there was more I could do to help you, but this is one of those things that we unfortunately just aren't meant to know." She said gently, "What I can tell you is that the things you're feeling are completely normal and really as old as time itself. People of all races, religions, and cultures of the world throughout time have struggled with the ideas of life and death and what happens to us once we pass on. Maybe this is something you should talk to Father Mulcahy abou."
Charles gave a small disbelieving snort.
"I didn't exactly mean it like that." She said, "while I'm sure he'd be happy to provide you with his own spiritual perspective on where we go after we die, I was thinking more that he is the person in this camp who spends the most time around death, being the camp priest. He may have a unique insight that the rest of us don't."
"Spends the most time around death…."Charles murmured to himself, "of course….the answer was in front of me all along. Thank you Ellie."
He got up abruptly and walked quickly out of the tent.
"Charles! Where are you going?" She asked, trying to move to follow him but her leg was becoming increasingly stiff. She grabbed for her crutches and stood taking a minute to get her balance before awkwardly shuffling towards the door. Once she got there she went out to see Rizzo standing with his hands on his head.
"Rizzo, where did he go?" She asked.
"He ran over here yellin about an emergency and battalion aide, and then took off in the ambulance!" Rizzo said.
"Dammit…" Ellie Marie said, "Rizzo, stay here and get a jeep in one piece in case someone needs to go after him!" She hobbled her way towards the center of camp just in time to see B.J., Hawkeye, Colonel Potter, and Margaret headed her way.
"Colonel!" She yelled, and she attempted to speed up but he hurried to reach her instead.
"Slow down there Ellie!" He said, grabbing her arm to steady her, "if you rip your stitches my company clerk is gonna have my hide!"
"Colonel, it's Charles!" She said, "he just took off for battalion aid."
"In the ambulance?"
"Yes. Sir. how'd you know?"
"He almost turned the four of us into road kill on his way through." He explained, "do you have any idea what's got him so spooked?"
"It's the same thing as the rest of us." She said, "near death experience is scrambling him up both mentally and emotionally."
"So how does heading up to a place where he's very likely to get another near death experience help fix that?" Margaret asked.
"It's not about that." She said, "he's not thinking about dying, he's just thinking about death."
"I'm not sure I follow." B.J. said.
"I'm not sure I want to." Hawkeye added.
"He feels like he needs to know what happens….next. What there is beyond this life, and he feels like the way to get the answer is to be around more death."
"That's sick…." Margaret said quietly.
"No it isn't…."Colonel Potter disagreed, and he sighed heavily, "I've seen it plenty of times over the years. When you spend as much time as we do around all this death, it's normal to start to wonder what it all means, and if there's anything after this, but I can't have my best surgeons running off in the line of fire every time they get a bit of battle fatigue. Let's go up and get on the horn to battalion aide." They all turned to head towards the office.
"I'll catch up!" Ellie Marie said, as she drug her sore leg behind her. Hawkeye rolled his eyes and scooped her up easily into his arms being careful to lean her more onto her left side. They all walked up the hill and as they walked into the office, Hawkeye turned to B.J.
"Go grab an extra cot from the supply room so she can be comfortable." He said.
B.J. ran over and came out a minute later with one. He unfolded it in the spot where a Klinger's bed used to be and Hawkey sat her down gingerly so she was laying on her left side.
"What's going on?" Klinger said, looking around at all of them.
"Winchester decided to take his issues to the next level." Hawkeye said.
"Meaning he decided to take a joy ride up to battalion aide." B.J. explained.
"Holy Toledo! Are you kidding me?" Klinger said, "Why the heck would he go and do an idiotic thing like that for?"
"That's the million dollar question." Colonel Potter replied, he pointed at the phone, "why don't we find out? Hello…..battalion aid?"
"Oh right!" Klinger said, grabbing the receiver and dialing, "Hello? Battalion aide? This is Max Klinger at the 4077th. Do you have one of our surgeons up there? A Major. Winchester. You do?" He put his hand over the mouthpiece and leaned towards the Colonel, "He's there sir." He said quietly.
"Well tell them to put him on the phone! I've got an ear full for him." Colonel Potter snapped, holding out his hand.
"Hey….do you think you could get him on the phone?" Klinger yelled down the line, they could all hear the shells in the background, "Yeah? Ok thanks!" He handed the phone to the Colonel who waited a moment then began shouting.
"Winchester, what the hell are you doing up there!?" He yelled. "Do realize we're about to get a whole bunch of wounded here? ……Do you also realize you could get yourself killed?…..Winchester, you get back here right now!" He bellowed his last order into the phone and then slammed the receiver down.
"That damned jackass!" He spat angrily.
Attention! All personnel, incoming wounded!
"Of course." Colonel Potter said with a sigh, "Ellie can you stay in here and wait for Major Disaster to reappear? When he does, tell him his butt is going to be in traction for the foreseeable future and then send him in to get scrubbed up!"
"Colonel, I can help!" Ellie Marie insisted, "I'm mobile and everything!"
"I don't want you standing on that leg for prolonged periods of time for at least a week." Hawkeye said, "if you push too hard you're going to aggravate your recovery even more."
"Ridiculous…." She grumbled, laying back against the bed.
"You doctors make the worst patients…." Hawkeye teased, winking at her and she stuck her tongue out in response.
Despite her frustration with being benched during the triage and O.R. session as soon as she allowed herself to lay down on her stomach, she instantly felt exhausted and her eyelids began to droop. When she woke up again the room had darkened, it seemed to be slightly after sunset. She realized she'd been woken by the sound of the door opening.
"Charles?" She said groggily, he turned from his spot at the scrub room door at the sound of his name, "Oh thank God Charles." She said in relief, "my leg isn't working too well at the moment so please come over here so I can hug you." To her surprise he complied immediately, kneeling down beside her so she could pull him into a tight embrace.
"We were so worried about you, you idiot." She said, he hugged her back and when he pulled away she took the opportunity to slap him once across the face, he jerked back looking at her in surprise.
"That was for taking off and almost getting yourself killed!" She said, "I know you might not realize this but I actually care about you quite a bit and I would be very put out if you died Charles Emerson Winchester!"
"I know…." He said, "I know…and I'm sorry. Truthfully I don't even know what I was thinking, besides that I couldn't keep feeling the way I was feeling."
"So did you find what you were looking for at least?" She asked, still somewhat grumpily.
"I think I did…." He said, "a man died…..in my arms."
"Oh Charles…." She slipped her hand into his and squeezed in encouragingly.
"It was actually……I don't know how to describe what it was truthfully…." He said, "I can't say I understand any more than I did when I left…..but what I do know….is that he was afraid, and confused….and then he wasn't. Very suddenly, he went calm, and he seemed at peace, and when that happened, my heart." He lifted her hand almost as if he did not realize he had and placed it over his heart, "my heart stopped tingling, and I was at peace too."
"Maybe for now that's all you need." She said.
"Maybe it is….." He agreed, "but as a precaution, could you please refrain from getting yourself into the life threatening situations that trigger these sorts of emotions?"
"Believe me Charles, that is a deal I've already made with my husband many times over." She said with a laugh.
"Well I suppose I'd best get scrubbed in and assist with the wounded." He said.
"Oh…."She added, "Fair warning, the Colonel told me to make sure you were aware that as punishment for your little stunt he has every intention of making your life so miserable, that battalion aide will seem like nirvana."
"Wonderful….." Charles said wearily, standing up, "I wonder if it's too late to go find a spare land mine to drive over."
———
"Charles!" Ellie Marie threw open the door of the Swamp and walked in. It had been a week since her ill fated run in with the sniper, and her injury was now diminished to only a slight limp. Upon her entry all three members of the Swamp jumped slightly and Charles glared at her.
"What?" He said pointedly.
"I have tracked down every single book in the library except one! And Kelly said she leant it to you! You know how hard I've been working to find them! I want to be done with this stupid job!"
"You should consider yourself lucky." He retorted, "some of us were forced to swap details with the Father and informed that we will stay on garbage detail for the next three rotations."
"Yes, well some of us acted like idiots and took joy rides to battalion aid, so they get to live with their consequences!"
"You know I seem to remember B.J. doing something similar last year and he wasn't penalized nearly as harshly as I was." Charles pointed out.
"One." B.J. said, sitting up on his bed, "I went up to battalion aid because there was a soldier in critical condition that needed my help and two, I was smarter than you and I went when Captain Pushover was in charge." He nodded at Hawkeye.
"I'd report you for that comment if I knew how, or cared for that matter." Hawkeye said, without looking away from his newest nudist magazine.
"Ok pause the, 'who's the naughtiest Swamp creature' conversation for a moment please." Ellie Marie said.
"That's not what we were debating at all…." Charles pointed out, "we were simply commenting on the discrepancy in punishment's for similar crimes. It's well known that the title of which you speak, goes to Pierce without question."
"Indubitably." B.J. agreed, and Hawkeye raised a hand with flourish from behind his magazine.
"Ok that's fair…." She said, "but back to the topic at hand. Charles, I need that book!"
"Oh come now Eleanor! I am the only person in this camp who even cares about that book! I'm sure every member of this camp has attempted to read it just to make themselves look intelligent at some point, but I on the other hand, have read it thrice and find it a comfort in times of turmoil! Would it really be such a travesty to just let me keep it?"
"Yes, it's public property. It belongs to the whole camp. If you want it, you have to give it back and come check it out again."
"That is a ludicrous system."
"It's the public library system Charles! It's been around for hundreds of years!"
"Hey Ellie…I'll make a deal with you. I'll force him to give the book back if you find 75 trays for the mess tent." Hawkeye commented from behind his magazine.
"Don't cross contaminate my work detail issues with yours." She shot back. "Alright Charles, how about this?" She said, "if you allow me to retrieve the book temporarily, I will mark it down as on loan to Charles Winchester for the remainder of the war and it will be your responsibility. If someone else chooses to read it, it will be your responsibility to get it back from them, sound fair?"
"I suppose that is an acceptable compromise…." He said, reaching into his desk drawer and pulling it out.
"What's the book that's causing all the fuss anyway?" Hawkeye asked, leaning around his magazine to look.
"War and Peace by Tolstoy." Ellie Marie said, holding it up.
"Ooo I always wanted to read that! Gimme!" Hawkeye said, reaching out for it.
"Pierce….." Charles said, glaring at him, "you are an insipid child."
"Would an insipid child read Tolstoy?" Hawkeyen shot back at him with a smug grin.