Chapter 4: The Rainforest Cafe and the large Walmart Store.
Suggested Listening: Comedic Curtains - Mario & Luigi Dream Team
Years since Academy City integrated into the United States for some reason had passed, why the city had to become part of the United States was unknown but could be attributed to the sudden appearance of the city next to Houston, Texas... likely due to some utter bullshit which had happened after the Rapture caused the entirety of Academy City to be raptured to Houston, Texas... it was an unholy act of bullshit because while the city got raptured, the recidents got raptured into different areas which caused what was essentially a ghost-town in Houston, Texas... all of that technology was wasted on bullshit because of who knows what the fuck happened.
Since then, the place once known as Academy City has long been forgotten and is now considered part of Houston Texas, this caused Houston to become the second largest city in the United States by size as it essentially combined the sheer sizes of both cities together in an effective merger between cities and lastly, it is believed that the powers that most citizens possessed which were known as Esper powers have effectively been removed in order to work with this piece of nonsensical fiction, because having crazy abilities ruin the fun in my experience for this story unless I desire to write them in, especially if I need to perform an asspull which is probably likely considering the very nature of this story...
Saten Ruiko had found her new home in Houston, she lived alongside her good friend Uiharu Kazari for the time being and in most cases as they were raptured by the same house by sheer coincidence, every day was the same as the last one and everything was boring as fuck for them especially since Uiharu worked at a tech company and Ruiko was a so-called investor on R/WallStreetBets.
But today, those two find themselves at the Rainforest Cafe in the Gallerias in Houston, they dined upon an appetizer of fresh cheese sticks and entrees of Fried Chicken which was brought from an exclusive Dodo bird which was found frozen upon a glacier somewhere in the Arctic, scientists don't know if it is safe to eat and it costed a fuck-ton of money to eat such a piece of fried chicken, but then again... this was Dodo meat we were talking about, a rare delicacy that no longer existed in the modern era... it was like eating the flesh of a triceratops, when will you ever get to experience that ever again?
Ruiko dipped her chicken tender in the sweet and spicy hot sauce she ordered within the facility, she had spent over $1500 dollars on this chicken feast and she made sure to horde all of the chicken to herself while Uiharu ate "The Beastly Burger" with a side of Mojo Bones and Safari Fries, they talked over the food as they looked around the tacky rainforest scenery.
"Jeez Saten, why the fuck did you spend all of that money on some fried chicken... if you spend any more, you'll go broke!" Uiharu spoke with concern towards her friend and partner, Ruiko who munched on her special chicken tenders with elfin fervor... ripping them apart with her teeth and shoving them down her throat.
"Don't worry Ui~ha~ru~! I've got stocks in BBBY and GME, I've gone Y.O.L.O on my life savings to go big for this moment... either I win big or lose it all, Uiharu but don't worry, i've got plenty of apes on R/WallStreetBets to hold the line for me... to the moon baby🚀🚀🚀!" Ruiko responded as she ripped into her dodo tenders, they were a bit tough but surprisingly tasty and full of the unique flavor of the ancient frozen dodo.
"Saten... you can't just drop all your money into stocks, if they go down... you're fucked and will be forced to sell your house, your family and your fucking life!" Uiharu sighed and took a bite out of the Mojo Bones she ordered on the side, a pair of ribs that were filling and much cheaper than whatever Ruiko purchased... her concern for Ruiko was palpable and filled with raw fuckrage and confusion.
"You need to diversify your stocks, Saten... you can't just go Y.O.L.O like you did when you posted on r/wallstreetbets... I'm not kidding when I say that you will be fucked in a couple of years when both BBBY and GME collapse off a cliff."
Ruiko took a deep breath and began posting her latest earnings on r/wallstreetbets, she was addicted and claimed she would buy another stock for each upvote she received from the deal... she was planning on becoming abillionaire off GME and BBBY though little did she know her utter foolishness.
"I'll be fine, even if I end up fucked over by my stocks... I'll just run away from the government and live at the sea, I'll even see the fish and the ocean from the sea instead of working some bullshit low-income job and slave away all day" Ruiko responded softly as she thought about her future, she had spent roughly 100,000 stocks on Bed, Bath & Beyond stocks which she purchased at $28 dollars, she hoped they would ascend to over $200 dollars eventually and become fucking loaded and rich as fuck, then she would live out her dreams of having sex for once and shoving down more chicken tenders down her throat.
(Note: BBBY is currently listed at $0.08, Ruiko would be millions in debt.)
Uiharu who was still dining upon her burger and ribs, begins to slow down and orders a box for to-go, Ruiko having finished her Dodo tenders began to stand up and she paid the check with those stocks she owned, she also spent plenty of money on crypto and like a true investor, NFTs and DogeCoin.
As they exit the Rainforest Cafe, they enter the massive Walmart store which had been built over the entire Galleria mall in Houston, essentially... a Walmart was built over the entire mall which now covers the galleria like a massive blanket of death, it was a mall inside of a massive Walmart store and it was like something out of the movie, Idiocracy.
Kuroko who was secretly dining with them this whole time was walking across the halls when she was nearly crushed by a giant forklift which was driving past the halls near the Versace store! These forklifts drove with reckless abandon across the mall, smushing everything that dared to stand in its path... getting steamrolled harder than the Broncos did against the Dolphins when they allowed 70 points.
"What the fuck?! Who drives a forklift in the middle of a fucking mall?!" Saten yelled with a strutting panic, meanwhile Kuroko who was just inserted into the story said nothing as she was depressed about her "sissy" being in New York as Misaka, who had somehow been raptured across the world and into New York was now separated from them... like an ant who got swept up in the river while riding onto a leaf... Misaka was raptured to New York and forever separated from the rest of them... just like that same ant being separated from its colony and probably killed by something due to the removal of Misaka's RAILGUN.
"Yeah, ever since Walmart bought out the galleria mall... we've been having those incidents lately, it's not uncommon for toddlers, idiots, mentally ill, homeless and people to be squashed up by those damn things... though I can't get too mad I guess, I got my drivers license at Walmart..." Uiharu suggested, she revealed her drivers license which she got at Walmart, Houston as a city was owned by Walmart which meant that the galleria mall functioned as not only a mall, but as Walmart's flagship store which essentially meant that the city was doomed from the start.
Navigating the halls, Ruiko, Uiharu and the silent Kuroko Shirai are walking across the malls and making sure to avoid those fuckin' forklifts which seemingly come out from every corner of the building without any rhyme or reason, they were like massive and annoying deathtraps which were hell-bent on taking out their lives and wiping them off the census and sending them to the shadow realm. It seemed people still flock to this mall even despite all of the dangers of the forklifts and that's because the Galleria mall had some of the lowest prices in the entire world relative to the cost of the actual item, the only exception being food of course which was overpriced by default.
For the dangers of potentially being smashed to pieces by a giant forklift, you could buy a $700 dollar Louis Vuitton shirt for only $200! If you could potentially survive the danger of roaming forklifts, you could strike gold with some of these things and go on a fucking spree which would probably be abruptly ended by a forklift.
"Ruiko, Uiharu... I have to go to the bathroom, can you two wait here for a second?" Kuroko spoke as she had to pee badly it seemed, the two nodded and allow her to take a piss and they waited near the walls.
An hour passes by and the two girls are talking about Uiharu's drivers license at Walmart, as nonsensical as it sounded and as utterly foolish and inane as it was... who the fuck cared about the fucking license anyways?
"I never knew you could get your driver's license at Walmart, how is that even possible?! Sounds irresponsible as fuck..." Ruiko was shocked, but then again... they were staying at a galleria mall which was built inside an even larger Walmart grocery store, "anything is possible in this fucking shitheap."
"Yeah, I've heard you can also study for law at Costco, though I wouldn't recommend it at all... it's not that good... plus they say Welcome to Costco, I love you all the damn time." Uiharu responded as she adjusted the headband made of artificial flowers that she owned, she also adjusted a souvenir of her life in Academy City, that being her green Judgement band on her arm which she owned back during her days at Academy City... back when she witnessed Mikoto Misaka face up against some deranged bitch named Therestina Kihara Lifeline that one time.
Two hours pass since Kuroko had gone to the bathroom and Ruiko begins to ponder before eventually, her concern reached the surface of her mouth and she spoke up with concern... it spills out of her mouth.
"Yo, Uiharu... hasn't it been awhile since Kuroko went to take a leak... do people really piss for two hours straight, is she fuckin' bating or something?" Ruiko responded with the utmost concern in her tone, "Maybe she's a fuckin' degenerate."
"Yeah... or maybe she got run over by a forklift or something, but I don't think Kuroko is the type of dumbass to die like that... let's search after her... I bet she's probably jerkin' it to photos of Misaka or some stupid shit like that."
Uiharu and Ruiko begin searching the mall for clues on Kuroko's disappearance, they searched every last bathroom until they found one at the very end of the mall... it looked shady as fuck and sketchy like that bitch-ass Goro Akechi... fucking bastard.
On the way there, they found a water fountain which sprouted from the ground, there was a small sign at the top which said "Drink Water from the Fountain?"
"Saten... I don't think we should drink that... looks like drugs n' shit" Uiharu warned, but Saten was thirsty and drank anyways... she enticed Uiharu to drink as well like a witch or succubus seducing its prey.
The fresh sweet taste and lovely scent of the water courses through Ruiko's and Uiharu's bodies, plunging them into a deep sleep. In time, a pleasant smell wafts into their noses and pulls them from their deep slumber. Lured by the wonderful scent, Ruiko and Uiharu press forward. Their bodies feel oddly light. Their legs flex into the earth. Their Boobs flutter like balloons in the mountain breeze. The smell grows stronger. They travel for great leagues... Or do they barely travel at all? Soon they find the smell's source." They find endless mushrooms. An unimaginable mound of mushrooms. MUSHROOMS! Ruiko jumps into the mushroom pile... Uiharu leaps into the mushroom pile... They chew and inhale mushrooms... They devour as many as they can, their banquet interrupted by no one. They know not how much they ate. A white cloud appears beside Ruiko. Her hands caress the atmosphere. Her soaking loafers absorb the sea. Hills shrink... No! The girls are huge! They have grown as big as the island! Thousands of times bigger than life! A finger flick could smash the Earth! There is nothing for them to fear. In this moment, they are ecstatic. Soon after that, they realize they cannot go back to normal... GAME OVER
"Ruiko! Uiharu! WAKE UP! NOW!" A voice calls out to them, it was Kuroko Shirai who stood at the entrance to the girls bathroom... it looked like she had seen something judging by the look in her eyes which defied all logic and reasoning, just like this fucking fanfic.
"H-holy fuck, thank god that we were only dreaming... t-that was some fucked-up shit..." Ruiko woke up alongside Uiharu... they approached Kuroko Shirai who had looked at them with annoyance.
"You two... can you guys help me out, the toilet keeps on erupting out green goo like a fucking fountain and no matter how much I plunge the damn thing, it won't fucking stop!" Kuroko complains as she thought about Mikoto Misaka.
"Sure thing, we can help you out... can't be that bad, probably a fucking clog because some fucking idiot decided to put toilet paper in there..." Uiharu responded as they all head to the last stall in the bathroom... the three girls begin to plunge the toilet in unison until it flushes and gurgles with a swirl.
"Haha, finally... we got it to flush! Take that you fucking toilet" Kuroko pumped her fist, the three girls clapped their hands with glee after plunging the toilet with the power of love and friendship.
"So that's what took you so long, thank god... I thought you got crushed by a forklift and became another statistic to the forklift death count..." Ruiko chuckles in relief as the wild scenarios they had imagined all became nothing but IMAGINATION.
"Yeah, we thought you became another casualty of the Forklifts, but we know you wouldn't really die to one... you're not stupid enough to get killed by those fucking things" Uiharu added, thinking about all the fucking idiots who had been killed by the forklifts and steamrollers.
"Yeah, I just needed help plunging this damn toilet... but now look at it, it's good as new! Didn't even need to call a damn plumber this time around!" Kuroko smirked as she looked down at the toilet.
But that was until something very unusual happened, a song could be heard from the toilet... a melodic and hypnotic chant could be heard as suddenly... a human head appears from the toilet and bites Kuroko's head off... like some shit out of Puella Magi Madoka Magica! Kuroko squirmed in the grasp of the jaws before her body fell limp and her head was removed... Ruiko and Uiharu screamed and ran off in a panic as Kuroko was decapitated by the mysterious creature.
Ruiko and Uiharu stumbled over each other in their frantic attempt to escape, their screams echoing through the empty bathroom as the headless corpse of Kuroko Shirai was left inside of the stall, now being devoured by the mysterious toilet creature.
Uiharu's breath hitched as she glanced back, the sight of Kuroko's headless body seared into her mind. "What the hell was that?!" she shrieked, her voice trembling with terror. Her eyes were wide with disbelief, trying to make sense of the grotesque scene they had just witnessed.