Chapter 16: Meta-Verse Tea Party 1

RECOMMENDED LISTENING: ORGAN SHORT #600 MILLION IN C MINOR - UMINEKO WHEN THEY CRY

"What the fuck was that?!" Battler roared in raw confusion at the utterly unbelievable and truly frightening scene which had taken place during the trek at Minute Maid Park and how very suddenly the entire group of Honoka Kousaka had been wiped out in less than thirty minutes, "W-What the fuck?! What the hell am I supposed to say to that... why did a giant floating toilet annihilate everyone?!"

Battler Ushiromiya had viewed this apoplectic and unbelievably insane scene from the comfort of the Meta-Verse, but his confusion as to all the lasers and the giant floating Skibidi Toilet remained beyond his comprehension.

"A-And why the fuck is Winnie the Pooh some sort of ungodly mercenary?!" Battler continued speaking about the raw and confusing scene which had bedazzled his brain, he had been observing the scene with the Golden Witch, Beatrice who had decided to watch the events of the Earth from the Meta-Verse, a universe which served as an observatory of the regular universe, in this case... Beatrice was cackling madly as she saw the events that took place in Minute Maid Park.

"Battler, darling~" Beatrice purred, her laughter echoing through the Meta-Verse like chimes in a twisted symphony, she smoked from her golden pipe... rainbows coming out of it "Isn't it simply delightful? The unpredictability of human imagination knows no bounds! Ki ha ha ha ha ha ha ha~!"

Battler, still reeling from the spectacle, shot Beatrice a bewildered look of disgust. "Delightful?! Beatrice, this is beyond absurd! Are you telling me this is all just... random? WHy the fuck is there a toilet with a G-Man head inside of it?! How the fuck am I supposed to comprehend this unreasonable bullshit?!"

"Oh, but randomness is the spice of existence, my dear... you secretly enjoy this, don't you... Battler~!" Beatrice replied, her eyes twinkling with mischief and her face contorting into something evil and cruel, "It's what keeps reality from becoming mundane and predictable... the predictable and mundane is boring, ku ki ki ki ki ki ki ka ha ha ha ha"

Battler shook his head in disbelief... he began to wring out bitter tears of frustration, "So, you're saying there's no rhyme or reason to any of this? Giant singing toilets, warrior bears, pop idols facing laser-spewing adversaries... What's the point? How the fuck am I supposed to understand what happened in this fucked up scene?!"

Beatrice's smile widened, her blue eyes gleaming with excitement and sadistic enjoyment "What's wrong, Ushiromiya Battlerr~? Didn't you claim that you could explain what happened in this story~? Why are you groveling at my feet and wringing out bitter tears before me~?"

Battler's frustration reached a boiling point as Beatrice's taunts grated on his nerves, this red-haired fuckboy wiped away his bitter tears, his expression hardening with the desire to explain this fucked-up story beyond just the simple understanding of "Everyone but Honoka Kousaka died."

"Enough, BEATORICHE!" Battler's voice rang out with newfound resolve which filled his gut with determination. "I may not understand this madness, but I refuse to be toyed with by your whims. There's more to this than just chaos... I will explain what the fuck happened to the group formerly led by Eli Ayase and later ended with only Honoka Kousaka surviving and turning into some amazonian warrior chick from hell.

Beatrice's smirk faltered slightly at Battler's defiance, but she maintained her air of superiority. "Oh? And what do you propose, Battler? Will you unravel the nonsensical threads of this story? Gwa ha ha ha ha ha *Cackle* *Cackle* *Cackle.*"

Battler closed his eyes, recalling the chaotic events that had led Muse to seek refuge in Minute Maid Park. "It began in the heart of Houston, Texas... deep in the heart of Texas..." he began, his voice tinged with solemnity and raw fuckrage, "An outbreak of Skibidi Toilets, bizarre toilets with singing heads coming out of them had suddenly invaded Houston, Texas which forced Honoka Kousaka and the rest of Muse to roll the fuck out of the Galleria Mall...!"

Beatrice's deranged laughter echoed through the Meta-Verse as she listened intently and with raw amusemen..., her eyes gleaming with twisted amusement. "Oh, how deliciously absurd! Skibidi Toilets running amok in the heart of a bustling city! What a delightful spectacle! KI HA HA HA HA...!"

Battler continued as he shot Beatrice a glance of disgust as he remembered the parts of the story, "Honoka and Muse, caught in the midst of the chaos, sought refuge within Minute Maid Park after escaping the Gallerias... hoping to find sanctuary amidst the confusion and essentially barricade themselves inside and protect themselves from the Skibidi Toilets..."

Beatrice's laughter grew louder, her joy evident as she relished in the madness of the tale which was the opium to her bored soul, "Sanctuary in a baseball stadium overrun by Singing toilets! Oh, the irony of how it ended up killing them... how hysterical, Ki YA HA HA HA HA!"

Battler pushed past Beatrice's maniacal amusement, his colon churning in disgust at the undignified and unladylike laughs of the Golden Witch, Beatrice... "With nothing but baseball bats and their sheer numbers and unity, they had begun cleansing the stadium of Skibidi Toilets which resided there and tried to barricade themselves within the stadium for survival... it must've seemed like a flawless and impenetrable fortress in theory once all of the doors and gates were electrically sealed closed..."

Beatrice's laughter subsided momentarily as she watched Battler recount the tale up to the point where they had begun entering Minute Maid Park as this was when everything turned to shit, her expression shifting to one of morbid fascination which defies all logic in its wake... "Knowing how the entirety of Muse ended up, it is beyond insane to wonder how they were killed by Winnie the Pooh and a giant Skibidi Toilet... Ke he he..."

Battler's eyes narrowed as he delved deeper into his memories which pulsated with raw intensity and were covered in a hazy fog which might as well be drugs, as he was searching for the answer within his foggy memory, "And this is where the story goes to shit because during their sleep, a massive motherfucking Skibidi Toilet emerged from Center Field through large trap doors and murdered the fuck out of them with lasers and by summoning Winnie the Pooh, who killed them using a bunch of lasers out of his dick... what the fuck is this bullshit?!"

Battler's recount of the horrific events sent shivers down his spine and passing through his dick, even as he struggled to make sense of the senselessness of this entire story, the image of a massive Skibidi Toilet with the head of the G-man emerging from the center field, shooting lasers out of its eyes and seemingly summoning Winnie the Pooh out of the bullpen was beyond surreal... it was borderline schizophrenic.

Beatrice's expression twisted with macabre fascination as she listened to Battler's fragmented memories of the scene which they had watched from beyond the boundary of the human universe, "The G-Man Toilet and Winnie the Pooh with laser beams... Truly, the mind of man can conjure the most twisted and fucked up scenarios... let alone the lasers coming out of Winnie's railgun cock."

Battler shook his head in disbelief, trying to anchor himself in the midst of the surreal narrative... he knew that they were killed by the G-Man Toilet and Winnie the Pooh... "W-What kind of sick fuck are you to enjoy this sick shit?! Almost all of Muse were killed and burnt alive for no goddamn reason, it's no good... it's no gawd-damn good at all!"

Beatrice's eyes sparkled with sadistic amusement. "Ah, but that's the beauty of chaos... Battleerr, not everything has to be simplistic and easy to understand~ not everything has to make sense~ WA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

Battler's anger flared as he confronted Beatrice's callous amusement in the face of such grotesque tragedy which had slain all but one of the members of Muse, "Beauty? Chaos? This isn't some twisted masterpiece, this was a brutal slaughter of many girls in such grotesque and vile ways... GO FUCK YOURSELF! Why the fuck is there a giant Skibidi Toilet under Minute Maid Park anyways?! What kind of fucked-up thing suddenly appears and begins trying to kill a group of harmless girls?! Why the fuck is Winnie the Pooh claiming he is serving his 'Queen' or some fucked up shit like that?!"

Beatrice's laughter echoed maniacally through the Meta-Verse, her expression twisted with glee which knew no bounds, "Oh, but Battler, isn't the unpredictability of this story the absolute best~? It's so much fun to watch! Besides, I could easily explain to you what really is happening in this scene..."

Battler's fists clenched, his voice seething with rage. "Life isn't a game, Beatrice! Tell me what fucking happened or I'll rip your gawd-damn head off and use the blood to water the gardens of the Ushiromiya Mansion!"

Beatrice's laughter subsided slightly, replaced by a predatory glint in her eyes which revealed the sadism in her tone "Oh, but isn't that the essence of my existence as a witch? I am merely revelling in the chaos that is caused by humans and humans only, though I could add my own little spice to this game if I so desired~"

Battler gritted his teeth, struggling to contain his fury which threatened to be converted into fuckfury "There's meaning, damn it! Honoka and the rest of muse were people with emotions you motherfucking witch-bitch! I won't accept that this senseless slaughter is some cosmic joke created by a motherfucking witch or some sort of external entity."

Beatrice's smirk widened, her voice dripping with mockery. "Ah, Battler, always the seeker of truth but I can rest assure you that this scene wasn't caused by me, another witch, any external entities such as a god or any other bullshit like that... this event was purely caused by a human and a human only."

Battler's rage simmered as Beatrice's taunting words echoed through the Meta-Verse. Despite his seething anger, he knew he had to maintain his composure to unravel the truth behind the horrifying events at Minute Maid Park which ended with Eli, Nozomi and Nico being decapitated and their heads suspended by the flagpoles and the rest of muse either being devoured or having their chests burnt by Winnie the Pooh, he gritted his teeth and closed his eyes... Beatrice the Golden Witch took another smoke out of her golden pipe before laughing.

"KI KI KI KI HA HA HA HA... If it ever becomes too tough for you, I'll give you a little riddle Battler~! Just one little riddle which may help you out" Beatrice guffawed and spoke smugly, the Golden Witch snapped her fingers and hundreds of golden butterflies begin to converge and turn themselves into a pile of cookies which Beatrice began to eat from.

"Explain, then!" Battler demanded, his voice turning into a primal growl out of his raw testicular anger, "Who would commit such heinous acts such as this!? Who unleashed this madness upon innocent lives such as Muse of all people and for what motherfucking reason?! Was it the goddamn toilet?! The gawd-damn G-Man Skibidi Toilet who did this motherfucking shit for some reason?!"

RECOMMENDED LISTENING: GOLDEN SNEER - UMINEKO WHEN THEY CRY

Beatrice's sneer remained, her eyes glinting with amusement at Battler's turmoil which greatly angered him "Ah, Battler, the answer lies not in the realms of witches or gods, but within the depths of human darkness... humans are capable of all fucked-up shit, like witches!"

Beatrice smiled childishly as she continued to dine and eat the chocolate chip cookies which she had summoned out of thin air and begin given to her by her demon butler, Ronove.

Battler's brow furrowed, trying to grasp the implications of Beatrice's cryptic words and her shit-eating grin which pissed him off, "Human darkness? Are you saying someone orchestrated this tragedy intentionally? What kind of sick fuck would do that?!"

Beatrice chuckled darkly. "Indeed, Battler. Humans are capable of unspeakable deeds which can be driven by greed, malice, envy or even sheer madness. The G-Man Skibidi Toilet, Winnie the Pooh—all manifestations of a disturbed mind who likely wanted to do something with evil! I mean look at Winnie The Pooh... probably killing people for some chick he's likely head over heels for."

Battler's mind raced with anger, connecting the dots amidst the chaos which caused this fucked-up shit... "So, someone within Minute Maid Park orchestrated this massacre?! Some sort of sick fuck who caused this motherfucking shit?!"

Beatrice nodded, her expression was filled with excitement and eagerness which disgusted Battler, "Yep... and I'll give you a hint if you so desire..."

Battler's colon churned in disgust at the raw excitement on the face of the Golden Witch, Beatrice who was now summoning and eating ice cream which she had created out of thin air as usual, the remaining cookies being devoured by the Seven Sisters of Purgatory... though mostly the blonde, sexy-assed chick named Beelzebub.

Beatrice took a puff of her golden pipe before setting it aside again, she smirked and guffawed before speaking... "There were nine total humans in Minute Maid Park... minus the G-Man Toilet... and one of those nine people is the overarching villain of the story."

Battler counted all of the people present at the time of the bloody slaughter which claimed almost all of Muse, "Honoka Kousaka, Kotori Minami, Umi Sonoda, Eli Ayase, Nozomi Tojo, Nico Yazawa, Nishikino Maki and Winnie the Pooh..."

1. Honoka Kousaka

2. Kotori Minami

3. Umi Sonoda

4. Eli Ayase

5. Nozomi Tojo

6. Nico Yazawa

7. Nishikino Maki

8. Winnie the Pooh

9. ?

Battler wondered who could possibly be the 9th person for there appeared to only be eight people in Minute Maid Park at the time...

"Oh one last thing battler~" Beatrice smiled with a smug excitement which confused Battler for all eternity, what the fuck could Beatrice want now?

"What is it you 1000 year old witch bitch?" Battler rolled his eyes, it was probably nothing important and just more rubbish to piss him off again, though he didn't have a choice because Beatrice could make his body explode into millions of pieces for no reason.

"̷Y̸O̵U̵ ̵A̸R̶E̸ ̷I̷N̴C̶O̵M̴P̵E̸T̷E̷N̸T̵~̸ ̸a̷h̸ ̵h̸a̷ ̸h̸a̴ ̷h̷a̵ ̷h̵a̵ ̶h̶a̸ ̵k̷i̷ ̷h̵a̵ ̵h̵a̸ ̷h̷a̴ ̷h̶a̸ ̶h̷a̵~̸!̶