Chapter 51

Former past and simple future

The Heart submarine appeared on the small island about fifteen hours later. The crew members had discussed among themselves before deciding to join the Straw Hats because they were at an equivalent distance from their next destination. Their captain himself had hesitated but given his condition, his crewmates had taken charge and headed towards the place which offered the most objective chance of treating him.

The presence of a doctor they knew had a lot of weight, not to mention the fact that they had understood that the island was peaceful. In their situation, a discreet and safe place was more than welcome. After that decision, they had taken turns to keep the submarine at full speed despite the counter currents in the New World and at the cost of their sleep, they had reached their destination in record time.

The sky was blue when the airlock opened not far from the Sunny and at the foot of their ship, the Straw Hat Pirates watched Chopper and Luffy rush towards the newcomers with apprehension. Between Penguin and Shachi, Law could barely stand.

"Torao!" Luffy exclaimed when he saw his pale face.

"Go to the infirmary, I got it covered," the reindeer said to the surgeon's two companions. "What are the symptoms?" He then asked them.

"Fever," Shachi grimaced.

"More and more severe pain," Penguin added.

"Heart rate to 95, blood pressure below 90, temperature at 102.7 without recovery for twenty-four hours and respiratory rate is 22 movements per minute when waking up," Law clarified as he moved forward with difficulty despite the presence of his friends.

Chopper frowned as he followed suit. "Sepsis?"

"Most likely," the other doctor admitted in a breath. "Intravenous fluid and oxygen therapy gave good results but I couldn't confirm with bacteriological research."

"Don't worry, I'll take care of it."

The reindeer took the stairs that led to the first floor of the ship while the three men followed more slowly. Not knowing what else to do, the straw hat boy and the rest of his crewmates remained on the port until the other part of the Hearts joined them. Eventually, everyone settled down on the deck of the Sunny and Sanji handed out some snacks to the hungry pirates.

The Hearts were tired but they still quickly inquired about the possibility of getting food and medicine on the island. Usopp showed them the market and some of them decided to stock up. Bepo took the others to make sure the submarine was in perfect condition in case they needed to go back to sea in the next few hours and soon, the Straw Hat Pirates were left alone again.

They headed to the galley and sat around the table, waiting for news from their doctor. The day before, Law had said that there was no life-threatening emergency to treat him but Chopper's concerned face on the beach had alarmed them.

Nearly an hour later, the little reindeer finally entered the galley, Penguin and Shachi behind him. Their faces were visibly tired and Luffy jumped towards them.

"How's Torao?!"

"He's not in immediate danger, he's resting," Chopper immediately reassured him. "The fever has started to break and he'll probably sleep for a while now."

"Not in immediate danger? What does it mean?" Usopp said, worried.

"You seemed preoccupied," Robin agreed.

"Law correctly identified the signs; he has sepsis," their companion replied. "Several organs are affected but I'm optimistic. I've given him antibiotics and he's responding well to oxygen."

As everyone sighed in relief, Chopper sat around the table while Penguin and Shachi slumped on the bench, exhausted. Sanji handed them a plate of small sandwiches and the two men nodded gratefully towards him. For his part, Chopper thanked him before biting into a slice of praline tart.

"Are his burns the cause of his condition?" Jinbei asked.

"Yes, electrical burns can cause damage that is difficult to perceive immediately." The reindeer confirmed, "In Law's case, they must have created a general weakening of his body and the bacteria from his wounds managed to proliferate despite the treatments."

Franky lifted his sunglasses, confused. "Torao was fine on the winter island a few days ago. Luffy said everything was normal when they met."

"His wounds were properly treated and the pain was almost gone," Penguin confirmed. "At that time, we thought all this was behind us and so was Law. Fixing the submarine was our priority and we spent all our berries, especially since we also needed to eat. When the captain fell ill, our little stock of medicine melted like snow in the sun…"

"Maybe a bacteria developed from the start." The little reindeer sighed, "We spent a lot of time cleaning the wounds but sea water could have deeply irritated the skin. Devil fruit users are more vulnerable and maybe it caused a weakening of his immune defenses."

"But he'll get better, right?" Luffy wanted to know and frowned.

"There's no reason to think otherwise but we'll have to monitor his condition for a while. He'll probably be very tired and the antibiotics work in the long term. We should also ensure that the healing on his burns is perfect, some are seriously infected."

Chopper finished his piece of pie, shaking his head.

"The treatment will require special medications and a lot of small medical equipment because of the skin surface we need to treat. I won't have enough and I doubt that this island can provide us with many more, they're quite poor…"

"Tell us what we need and we'll go get it," Penguin offered, returning his empty plate to the blond.

"You're out of berries," Zoro reminded them.

"We'll manage; we'll find something to resell or exchange," Shachi brushed off.

"You're gonna move him in this state?" Usopp grimaced, "Chopper said his body is very weak."

"Dear Law sure needs some rest," Brook added.

Luffy nodded firmly at these words. "Torao will stay with Chopper while you go get medicine," he decided.

"That seems wiser," Sanji said but Penguin hesitated. "I'm not against it but Law might not agree…"

"Maybe but he's not in a position to decide anything," Shachi reminded him. "Bepo will decide but I'm sure of his answer."

"The surrounding islands are quite different, I studied them before we came here," Nami chimed in. "I think I can determine which one is most likely to be useful. They're all several days away but none are really far away."

"It'd buy us some time," Penguin thanked her. "Bepo had started to gather information but the Captain's condition deteriorated very quickly."

"I'll make you a list of everything you'll need," Chopper assured them in turn. "In the meantime, I'll look after him as if he were a member of the Straw Hat Pirates, I promise!"

"Law saved the life of our captain at Marineford and it is our honor to live up to his actions," Jinbei affirmed.

"We don't worry about that; we trust you," Shachi reassured him.

Beside him, Penguin nodded before glancing at the door that connected the galley to the infirmary. He couldn't help but grimace then. "I just hope that the Captain won't be too angry with us…"

The rest of the day passed quickly. As soon as the Heart crew was back together, Penguin and Shachi told their companions about the straw hat boy's proposal and everyone was quick to approve. Bepo and Nami had discussed the most promising destinations and about twenty minutes later, the polar bear had made Luffy swear to take care of his captain. Luffy had promised while looking him straight in the eyes and Bepo had thanked him before giving the signal for departure.

The Sunny became quiet again and while Chopper watched over his still sleeping patient, the Straw Hat Pirates focused on the other emergency of the moment. Franky, Usopp and Robin had settled in the cyborg's workshop to try to understand the Vinsmoke technology. This step was essential so that they could repair the control panel connected to the shuttle and they hoped that the documents and other diagrams they had found in the north research center would be useful. For their part, Nami, Sanji and Jinbei had sorted through all the information that the girls had retrieved when they had confirmed the existence of this spaceflight thanks to the scientists in the city center. Zoro and Brook had gone to the water tower where the control panel was located and they had collected all the possible elements to complete the data they already had. In particular, they found instruction booklets and took numerous photos.

For his part, Luffy had remained on the figurehead, surprisingly silent and looking towards the horizon. He had found the blond in the galley at snack time and Sanji had offered to check on the other captain but he had refused. His cook hadn't insisted. He knew that Luffy completely trusted Chopper, not to mention that the surgeon's life was not in danger. Yet the cook had given him more brioche than usual, maybe to support him in his own way. He had also been happy to see that the straw hat boy had swallowed his gift with a grin.

Luffy had gone fishing afterwards and Sanji had started dinner preparations. When they had gathered around the table a few hours later, everyone had reported on their progress. Chopper had said that the surgeon's condition was stable and Franky had affirmed that he could repair the control panel, making the atmosphere cheerful.

As the evening went on, the crew members quickly went to bed for a well-deserved night's sleep and Sanji was the last to go to bed after washing and putting away the dishes. He was about to leave the galley when he saw their guest's plate on the counter. He hesitated for a moment. Law had slept all day and probably hadn't eaten anything since the day before according to Chopper. The cook realized that the dark-haired man would surely be too weak to get up even if he was hungry and he decided to bring him what he had prepared. Even if Law didn't reheat his dish, that way he would have something hearty to eat at least.

Sanji opened the door to the infirmary as silently as possible, attentive to the rest of the bedridden pirate. He turned his head to walk towards the bedside table not far from the bed when he noticed that the surgeon's eyes were wide open. Sitting against the wall, Law stared out of the porthole, perfectly still.

The blond raised an eyebrow.

"How long have you been awake?"

The surgeon slowly looked at the cook then observed the plate he was holding. He didn't answer and Sanji decided to hand it to him.

"I figured you'd be hungry."

"I'm not," the other pirate replied.

"Oh, okay. I'll leave it for later then." The blond placed the plate not far from him and as he did so, he noticed that Law's gaze was fixed outwards again. "How are you feeling? You want me to go get Chopper? I think he left some medicine in case you need it," he remembered, looking around for the bottles on the doctor's desk.

"I'm fine. Do you happen to know where my crew is? I can't see the whole beach from here, but I thought that at least part of my submarine would have been visible."

"Oh. They took your ship to buy the medicine that's gonna be missing. They'll be back in a few days."

There was a silence in the room during which the two men remained still.

"I see," the surgeon said after a moment. Sanji shook his head, noticing his fingers clenching on the sheets. "Don't be too mad. They worry about you and they do what they think is best. Luffy swore to your bear that he could count on us."

Law didn't answer and the blond headed towards the door to return to the galley, aware that the other pirate needed privacy. Yet he stopped before crossing the threshold, unsure.

"Can I ask you something?" The surgeon looked up at him and Sanji took his silence as an invitation. "Do you have any memories of the North Blue?"

Law raised an eyebrow. "Of course. I have mostly memories of the city where I was born but I also spent time in Spider Miles with Doflamingo. Why do you ask?"

"I have almost no memory of the North Blue despite the time I lived there." The cook admitted, "I don't remember anything except this stupid boat we used to travel on all the time."

"Your family was trying to win back the North Blue, it makes sense. You were constantly on the move."

"Yeah," he agreed, "But I think I'd have liked to have positive memories of this place to… compensate."

"This isn't so bad," the surgeon pointed out to him. "For my part, almost every memory that I have only reminds me of the tragedy of my past. Flevance was wiped off the map and the abandoned factory where Doflamingo had established his headquarters wasn't the most welcoming. Not to mention Minion Island where Corazon lost his life," he listed calmly.

"When you put it like that, I guess you don't really wanna go back there…"

"Not really," the doctor confirmed.

"Wouldn't that be the best to forget what happened though?"

"I don't see how," he said, "On the contrary, going back would only bring back those memories that I'm trying to forget."

"Why not create some new ones then?"

Law frowned and Sanji hesitated for a second before continuing. "When I think of the North Blue, I only have these terrible memories of the harm my family did to me so I was thinking that to get better, maybe I need new memories…"

"You wanna go back to the North Blue?" The surgeon wondered.

"Not right now but maybe one day," the cook agreed. "I'm sure that there are beautiful places that'd allow me to have a more positive image of this sea…"

"I guess," Law admitted after a moment.

The Heart captain observed him more carefully and Sanji looked at him questioningly. "You look better than last time," the surgeon noted but the blond couldn't help but look down for a second at these words.

"There are ups and downs," he finally replied.

Law nodded, "No transformation is a linear process. Whether the change is physical or mental, it is consistency in efforts that determines success."

"I feel like I'm still looking for what will really allow me to overcome my demons," the cook said bitterly.

"For what it's worth, I think it's useless to wait for a miracle. You don't wake up one morning with the answer to your questions. It's more about small pieces put together that ultimately make the difference."

"You think there's no trigger? Positive or negative?"

"It's possible but not the most important. This is what you concretely commit to maintain your new vision which will have a significant impact on your life."

"I came close to disaster two days ago," Sanji suddenly confessed. "I had a shock and I thought I wouldn't recover."

The surgeon looked at him for a moment, puzzled. "And yet I find you more serene today. Am I wrong?"

"No, you're not," the cook sighed. "Strangely enough, it gave me a new perception of what was happening to me. Well, I didn't have a revelation but… someone pointed things out in such a way that it gave me ideas to work on my problem differently."

"Let me guess. A taciturn swordsman that you wanna hit as much as you wanna kiss him?"

Sanji blushed violently at these words. "I… It's not exactly-

"That's a good thing," the other pirate simply cut him short, "Others are an important mirror to help to decenter."

The blond nodded, regaining control of his breathing. "I also realized that I have great friends," he whispered. "Of course, I already knew, but I really felt it and… It felt good."

"Having people you can count on is the key," the Heart captain confirmed.

"I know I'm very lucky to have them."

Law nodded as his gaze strayed to the porthole again and the cook looked at him in turn. "You seem better too," he finally pointed out. "With Luffy," he added when his interlocutor stared at him before narrowing his eyes.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Sanji frowned. "Luffy told us your date went smoothly on the winter island where we met your crew. We thought your relationship was getting better."

"Luffy should learn to keep his mouth shut and you should stop poking your nose in other people's business."

The doctor turned away sharply and Sanji decided not to push him. After all, Law had had the elegance not to insist a few minutes earlier. It was obvious that he was embarrassed and the cook had no doubt that something had really changed. The smile of his captain upon his return that evening had been proof enough. Yet it was true that he didn't know what had been discussed between them.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

Law only shook his head before sighing heavily. The surgeon still looked exhausted despite the hours he had spent sleeping and Sanji took the opportunity to slip away after wishing him good night. He just left him to his thoughts.

Sanji went back through the galley and automatically checked that everything was in its place. He then went to wash his face in the bathroom before going to bed. In doing so, he walked past the full-length mirror and stopped to examine himself for a minute. This innocuous act had been weird for all these weeks, but tonight he didn't mind. At that moment, he didn't see his image reflecting his identity but his whole person and his conversation with the surgeon came back to him.

Since his return to the Sunny the day before, the cook's brain had been running at full speed. Zoro's words kept circling in his mind and Sanji sensed that something crucial was within his fingertips. Uncertain, he had ended up expressing his hypothesis out loud. This had allowed him to take possession of it and make it tangible. It now seemed credible and no longer absurd. After all, Law himself had admitted that his idea was not bad.

Sanji forced himself to stare into his single visible blue eyes. He found it difficult to overcome the fear that his childhood had engraved in his memory because he only had negative things to remember each time. Whether in relation to the North Blue or to his own image, all the elements related to his family brought back his deepest terrors. He was always powerless and unable to see beyond his painful years.

Now, the cook wanted to build up a new state of mind on which he could rely to break free from his past rather than letting it drag him down. In a way, he had already done part of the process when he had met Zeff and then Luffy and all his crewmates. He had recreated a family and an environment that had protected him from what he had experienced. Strengthened by their presence, he now had to face what he had tried to escape in order to get something more beautiful out of it. Something positive which would allow him to become the actor of his life and which would put an end to this fate he had suffered for too long.

So he didn't know exactly how yet, but Sanji was determined to appropriate this name that he had always cursed in order to make it resonate differently. And in the same way, he would one day return to the North Blue so that his gray and cold memories would no longer be the only ones buried in his mind when he thought of his native land. Of course, he couldn't change the reality of his family's actions, but at least he would act to show that the Vinsmokes were not all the same. Beyond words, he would take action and it is this choice that would free him.

He would put into practice what Zoro had pointed out, namely that it was not what he had done in the past that determined him, but how he would react in the face of future events. At that point, would he repeat the same mistakes or take a new direction? Would he let himself be overcome by fear or would he push it away thanks to the protections he had set up?

Sanji turned away from the mirror and turned off the light before leaving the room, determined. He knew that if he wanted tomorrow to be a new day, he would need to create new memories.

The light is near. Law, and especially Sanji, are in the final stretch.