"Welcome. I'm Komachi Onozuka, your ferryman. Before you come aboard, I must ask for your payment," I say, same as always.

The spirit in front of me - a young woman - keeps her head down but lifts her hands. I go to count, but-

"Hm?"

My smile falters for a moment. I blink a few times. One coin. Just one. I eventually take and pocket it.

"Thanks for the change." That's all I can say.

While she steps in the boat, I rub the coin between my fingers. It'll be a long ride.

…She really isn't one for conversation. Probably thinks I don't like her after how little she had to give me.

"There's nothin' to feel bad about, y'know."

"…"

"Why not tell me more about yourself to pass the time?"

"…I'd rather not," she says, swaying gently.

Spirits are funny creatures. Although most folks can't talk with them, shinigami can. Judging them's up to the Yama, but we're able to get a feel for their soul.

Yet even a normal person could tell those three words hold a profound sadness.

"Mind if I fill the air, then?" I ask, my mind already made. The spirit just continues gazing off at where we came from, never looking at me. Normally, I'd feel insulted. "I have this acquaintance. She's a hermit, doesn't get out much. When she does, it's usually to lecture someone."

No reaction yet.

"Only a few people know her personally, me included. There probably wouldn't be a huge fuss if she disappeared one day."

Still nothing.

"But that doesn't change the fact she has value. Remember that."

It's slight, but I notice her head beginning to turn before stopping.

"Speaking of value, where do you think that coin from before came from?"

"…It was my money."

"Yeah?"

"My sister and I were destitute when I died. That was all I had."

"Huh. Then tell me, miss: why do you think I ask spirits for payment?"

"…"

"C'mon, you won't insult me by answering."

"…Drinking money?"

I have to stop myself from laughing. "Damn, a spirits smellin' spirit. Must've had too much last night if you can tell." She chuckles softly at that. It's… heartening.

"You're a shinigami, right?"

"Yep, though goin' around and reapin' souls isn't my job. I just while away the days out here."

"You've done this for a long time, then?"

"Mhm. I've been basically the sole ferryman for Gensokyo since its founding, plus I handle spirits from other places when needed."

"Do you… remember everyone you've ferried?"

"You wanna know if I met someone specific?"

"Um, yes. My mother."

I could never hope to keep count of all the souls I've met. Everyone's experience is different but people are largely similar. Picking out one among them all would normally be a pretty unreasonable request.

"Yeah, I did," I say without hesitation.

"Was she content?"

"She said her only regret was leavin' things the way she did with you and your sister."

"…"

"She came with quite a bit of coin, though."

"Really…"

"Before you get the wrong idea, the money a spirit has when they come here has nothing to do with the wealth from their lives. It's tied to the amount people were willing to spend on them in life or, failing that, how many folks mourn them. Think of it as a representation of those who cherished the deceased from the bottom of their hearts."

She trembles. I can imagine why. But then she says, "I wonder if my sister will miss me…"

"You care about her a lot, huh?"

"Yes." Her snappiest answer so far.

"Do you regret that you won't be able to watch her grow up?"

Her trembling worsens. She only nods. I continue rowing.

"Tell me about her."

"She's… a sapling in a scarred land. She'll never know her family, just the damage we left behind." She pauses. I wait. "But I know she'll grow into someone strong. Every moment with her was a joy."

"I've met more children in this line of work than I'd like." Her translucent form tenses up when I say that. "Some are obnoxious, some are nosy, some are crybabies. They're all beautiful souls." Her gaze falls. "Each and every one of them deserved a better lot. I understand your sentiment."

"You at least provide a service. All I did was ensure my sister will always be alone. I'm almost happy she'll never know me."

"'Almost'," I repeat.

"…You said you met my mother. Besides regrets, what exactly did she say about her family?"

"Mainly how hard she worked for her kids. Didn't get into much detail but she made a big deal of her love for you two making all the toiling worth it."

"…"

"Based on how much money she arrived with, the folks around her genuinely admired that. Tell me, who did you spend your time with?"

"Besides my sister, no one that wasn't a plant or animal."

We're getting somewhere. "No school friends in your youth?"

"Some, though it seems they don't remember me," she says, rubbing her thumb and index finger together. My smile falters again. "School became untenable past a point so I got a job as a farm hand. Days were long and workers were few; making friends wasn't one of my duties. The handful who spoke to me said I had to do what I could to support Mom."

I hate to keep pushing her, but… "And then?"

"Mom died." She says it flatly. "You… know what happened, I assume?"

"…She avoided the topic, but yeah, I knew even then."

"And what does that mean for me?"

"Judgin' you's the Yama's job, not mine."

"…What do you think they'll say about it?"

Her voice hasn't cracked or anything and she's stopped trembling, but now she's so tense her body almost seems tangible.

"Hmm…" I hum for a moment, just to lighten the mood. "Let me turn the question around: do you think you did the right thing?"

"…"

"A youkai possessed your mom late one night. No one figured out what kind. She tried to smother your sister. You protected her. Is that how you justify it?"

"…"

"All the neighbors thought you just murdered her in cold blood at first. A well-respected mother like that? There's no way she'd ever hurt her child. But the shrine maiden investigated, concluding a youkai was responsible; one that died with its host."

"I-I, - sniff - she…"

"You weren't punished by the law, so do you think you're exonerated?"

"STOP IT!" she screams. She turns to look at me, making eye contact for the first time. So much pain and anguish swirls around inside her. "There was no youkai, I'm certain of it! She just hated having another mouth to feed! So she tried to…! For my sister, I… My poor, beautiful…" Her voice fully breaks and she begins sobbing.

Ghosts can't cry like the living. Their sense of self maintains their form and, if they cry, a facsimile of tears falls from their eyes. These dissipate after falling. Yet those unwittingly near weeping ghosts think they feel raindrops, prompting them to check the sky even on clear days. …Do ghosts ever see the living look towards Heaven and get reminded they're trapped on Earth?

The spirit's cries eventually lessen. "I don't know if it was right. But I had to. I wanted to. She always withheld food and money. She hid personal funds in her room while her children missed dinner. Even if my sister wasn't in danger, I'd- I'd do it again!"

"…Others might've been fooled, but your mom couldn't pull the wool over me. Plenty of folks study the afterlife and practice what to say and how to act, thinkin' they can present their good side to the Yama. It never works. A few pointed questions cause the cracks to show real quick. She was happy to regale me with a dozen tales and anecdotes about frivolous things. Yet despite how much she professed her love for you, she couldn't name a single thing you liked. Couldn't recall any fun memories together. Had nothin' positive to say about you as a person. And as for your sister…" It's hard to get the words out. But I have to. That's another part of the job. "…your mom clearly held no affection for her."

Her trembling returns, worse than before. "And she sailed right on through here, loved in death by all her fellows." … "So what about me?"

"Hm?"

"My death. Do you know how I died?"

"It's not my place to say if you don't want to tell."

She shakes her head. "Please."

"…Your sister was possessed two nights ago. She's still a toddler; the youkai had no trouble doing it. And this was a particularly malicious youkai, attracted by the negative aura surrounding your home. Ironic, given the shrine maiden's lie. Once you woke up and saw the state your sister was in, it offered you a deal. Equivalent exchange."

"…I couldn't bear to lose her after everything that happened."

"So you took the deal."

"I-it, oh…" She's barely holding it together, but I let her speak. "I-I went to Hakurei Shrine last night, or I suppose it made me. There was a storm; I could barely see. Even with no control of myself, I felt pained and exhausted when I - we - got there."

"What was the shrine maiden doin' when you arrived?"

"She was reading in the shrine, alone. There was no one else around and it seemed like she didn't notice me." She puts her head in her hands. "It made me wait outside until her light went out, then it snuck in from the back without a sound and grabbed a knife from her kitchen counter. After that…" She trails off.

I stop rowing.

Eventually, she continues, every voice crack making me wince even if I don't show it. "Before, when the shrine maiden came to my home after Mom died, she barely spoke with me. She just looked around, stated her conclusion, told me to visit her if I needed anything, and left. It felt so… cold. Like she didn't think a crime between humans was worth looking into." She raises her head and… smiles? "When the youkai and I turned around from that kitchen counter, the shrine maiden was just staring at us. Her expression was so kind. She wasn't smiling and clearly felt tense, but her eyes… They were full of compassion. She so desperately wanted to help. I managed to tell her I was sorry. Then my body lunged at her and it was over."

"…And now you're here."

There's nothing more. If she says another word, she's likely to shatter.

"I'm not gonna sugarcoat this, what you've done is pretty terrible. Your mom's death, makin' a deal with an evil youkai…" Boss would give her quite a tongue-lashing. "You should know that truly evil spirits never make it across this river. Another of my duties is to extinguish them here."

Her entire upper body crumples, head on her knees. Even if she could speak, there aren't any words left to her.

"But you're gonna make it."

Slowly, she rises back up. "What…?" I snicker a bit at her confused expression, awful as that is to admit. "But- but what you said and- What about the coin? I only had one! No one will miss me! My sister will never remember me!"

"The worth of a soul isn't beholden solely to what its peers believe. You still have value, remember? And you're not an evil person."

"But… but… my mother, I-"

"You did it to save your sister. Same reason you made the deal." Tears well in her eyes once more. "Again, it's not my place to judge your actions, but let me say this: come dawn, your sister will wake up as normal. She'll be alive. The shrine maiden will find and feed her. Sunlight will shine on her face as she breathes in the morning air. And I promise you that she'll be given a loving home. All of this, because of you."

"M-Miss Onozuka-"

"Just call me Komachi."

Her eyes are still wet, so to speak, but the tears stop falling. "Komachi… thank you."

"Don't mention it," I say, beginning to row again. "We still have a ways to go, but I hope you can enjoy yourself for the rest of the trip."

Her face was turned away when she laughed before and was stained by grief ever since. But now, for the first time, I see her unambiguously smile. It's small, still grappling with her inner conflict. There's nothing I could ever say to negate her guilt or give back the life she missed out on. But there's hope in that smile. Both for what's to come and in what she left behind.

That's more than I can say for her mother.

It's not hard to find Reimu in the village's cemetery, standing in front of a modest grave.

"…Why do you think tragedies like this happen?" she asks me without even turning around.

"You're supposedly religious, you tell me."

"Don't know why I expected a real answer."

I walk up next to her, though our eyes never meet. We both just bore a hole through the stone that barely reaches our knees.

"The toddler's a quiet one," she says, pretty quiet herself.

"Maybe she knows her sister's gone."

"I hope not. The less she remembers, the better."

"What did you tell the villagers?"

"'The girl was spirited away.' That much is basically true. 'I found her, but because of the youkai, she was already gone.' That's… also true." She balls her fists, her knuckles turning white. "Between the mother and the older sister, rumors could circulate about the family or home being cursed. I made sure to have the child's name changed and the house fully exorcized. Now anyone who knows the story won't be able to ostracize her, while whoever gets the house has no reason to complain."

"You run a tight ship when you try, huh."

"Tight ships don't let their people meet this kind of fate."

"Why did you lie about how the mother died?"

"…" She breathes steadily. "I have no idea what you mean."

"Heh."

"Why did you take such an interest in this girl? You don't normally visit the graves of your passengers."

"No idea what you mean. You just asked me somethin' out of the blue when I got here."

"Hmph."

I turn to Reimu, whose brow is more furrowed than I've ever seen. "…You might not believe it, but you saved her."

"I killed her."

I place a hand on her shoulder, which finally makes her look at me. Without a word, I pull out a coin with my other hand and present it to her.

"What's this for?"

"I'd say it's a donation, but you're the one who made it."

She stares at the coin blankly. Her eyes dart back to mine and I grin, though only slightly. She takes it.

I turn and walk away. "Be seein' you."

"…Komachi?"

"Yeah?"

"…Be seein' you."

"…Yeah."