The events of this chapter precede the events of chapter 69 of the Berry-Lopez and Fabray Sagas
(Juan)
I thought that the most important things in my life had basically been resolved, until Santana dropped a bombshell on us. Not only did Hiram have a biological father that I didn't know about, but this guy was also harassing my daughters, especially Santana. I did some research to find out who Caleb Weiz was, and I understood that I would have to confront a billionaire who was a highly skilled investor, as well as owning a conglomerate of companies that included a well-known pharmaceutical company. What's more, he was known in the industry as a ruthless negotiator and a guy who didn't play to lose.
I really wanted to defend Santana, but the truth was that I felt like an ant wanting to face a boot. Nevertheless, this ant was going to put up a bit of a fight. First, I needed to understand a few things about Hiram, and I could only turn to one person to understand my ex-husband's motivations: Sarah Berry.
I arrived at my ex-father-in-law's house late in the morning. My intention was to talk to Sarah and return to Lima by early evening. Shelby stayed in Lima because she had to work in Carmel. Besides, I was afraid that her presence might irritate Sarah or Joel in some way, since Hiram hated her and because how we made Santana. They told me that it was all in the past and that they were happy that I was with the mother of my daughters, but you never knew.
Joel welcomed me very well. He asked if I'd had a good trip, and I said everything was fine. Joel was no fool and pressed me to find out the real reason for visiting two old persons with whom I no longer had any relationship or obligations. The point was that they didn't stop being my daughters' grandparents because Hiram died, I had a relationship with their son that lasted 22 years, and Joel was paying for Santana's college. Even though I was engaged to Shelby Corcoran, they would never stop being relevant people in my life. I had lunch with both of them and spoke only of amenities, until Joel asked to be excused to go to his company. It was the opportunity I wanted: to be alone with Sarah.
"Santana told me all about Weiz." I told her as we sipped coffee in the garden of the mansion. "I've called my lawyer."
"Why?"
"Because Weiz is harassing my daughters, and they need someone to defend them. If I do it myself, I'll be arrested for assaulting an elderly person. And as the girls are adults, they don't need a guardian. That's why I'm not going to get involved directly, but my lawyer is going to represent them, and he needs as much information as he can to do that."
"Caleb is not harassing Santana. I talked to him. Santana is very abrasive and suspicious. She needs to learn to keep a cool head."
"Sarah, please, I'd do the same thing or worse."
"No, you wouldn't. I know you, Juan. You make pragmatic decisions. For a start, if you were as impulsive as Santana, you would have left Hiram to be with Shelby 19 years ago." Sarah said with a little bitterness, but she was wrong to say that this was a pragmatic decision. It wasn't. I was torn.
"Yes, Sarah, I fell in love with Shelby, but I also loved Hiram. It may seem like a pragmatic decision to stay with Hiram and go ahead with the family-building plan we had drawn up. It wasn't that simple. I'm convinced I made the best decision, but it wasn't pragmatic. I had to put some logic on it, but I really loved your son. If I hadn't loved him, I wouldn't have devoted so much time to keeping him away from drugs or risky behavior."
"Risky behavior?"
"Yes, until Hiram and I started having an exclusive relationship, he had risky sexual behavior, with several partners and little protection, at a time when AIDS was haunting the gay community like a black plague. Come to think of it, it was a miracle he didn't get infected."
"Hiram was a person who liked freedom, but he wasn't irresponsible."
"Sarah, you're aware that Hiram used cocaine socially, aren't you?"
"He told me that he tried some drugs." I saw that Sarah was uncomfortable.
"He spent the last 15 years of his life clean."
"You mean..."
"Even when the girls were born, Hiram had a few lapses. Especially when he was with his friends. When I got the offer to work in Lima, I didn't do it just to be near my mother. It was also an opportunity to get Hiram away from the environment he sought whenever he was frustrated, or when we had big arguments. Don't get me wrong, Sarah, I'm the closest and most reliable witness to say that Hiram was an excellent father. The best of all fathers. But he wasn't always the best husband or good to himself."
I let Sarah think for a moment and respected her silence. I needed a few minutes myself, because what I was saying, I wouldn't tell just anyone. Only Shelby and Pedro knew the whole truth about my marriage to Hiram. They knew that Hiram was unfaithful during our marriage on at least two occasions, including with one of the math tutors we hired for Santana.
"Hiram didn't trust you. Hiram was absolutely in love with you, but the fact that you weren't gay made him insecure."
"Was he afraid that I would cheat on him and leave him?" It was obvious, Hiram himself had told me that once. But I wanted to know what Sarah had to say about it.
"Especially after Shelby... but it wasn't just that, Juan. Hiram wanted things, and he gave them all up for you."
"Look, if you're referring to his master's degree in Florida, I may well have been to blame. But it wasn't because I stopped him. It was because I didn't give up my own education. I had the chance to get into one of the best residency programs in the country and I did it. We had a deal to go to Tampa after I finished medical school in Philly. I didn't keep that deal, but I also didn't force Hiram to came with me to Cleveland."
"He was crazy about you. He didn't want to lose you."
"Even so, he had affairs."
"You too, from what I hear."
"That's not true. Apart from Shelby, the only time I was with someone else while married to Hiram was a drunken misunderstanding at a bachelor party. That wasn't an affair, it was at most a silly drunken slip." This conversation was getting on my nerves and I wasn't even getting close to the real point. "Sarah, honestly, I didn't come here to compare my mistakes and Hiram's to see who was more to blame. I came here to understand why Hiram knew that Caleb Weiz was his biological father, and he never told me!"
"Hiram loved you, but he also knew that the more people who know a secret, the harder it is to keep it. Only he and I, apart from Weiz, knew everything. And we kept that secret because of Joel."
"Weiz was the source of all the funding Hiram got?"
"Yes. Basically. He paid for Hiram's college, he paid when Shelby threatened to take Santana away from you and Hiram."
"Did Hiram know about Weiz's intentions regarding my daughter?"
"They agreed that Santana needed a better school. Even Joel agreed with that. You were the only opponent, you were the barrier that prevented Santana from leaving Lima to go to New York. It was supposed to happen from her freshmen year of high school, she would live with Weiz. You were the barrier. You said no."
"Not just me. Santana didn't want to leave Lima."
I'd love to think that Rachel and I were a reason for Santana's reluctance to give in to Hiram's wishes to leave home and study elsewhere, but my daughter's main anchor in Lima was basically Brittany. The love my daughter felt for her best friend and lover bordered on devotion.
"Weiz wants an heir, but he also wants to recoup his investment. And I, Juan, I want Hiram to be honored and for Santana and Rachel to be the ones to take everything that was rightfully his. If you want my opinion, I agree with you that you should make your lawyer available to the girls. They really need a representative. But don't be naive enough to think that you'll be able to stop Weiz."
"You're really on his side..."
"No, Juan, you're wrong. I'm on my granddaughters' side. It's just that neither they nor you have realized it yet. Think of the money and power they'll have in their hands? Santana will be able to put all her intellectual ability into practice, and Rachel will be able to produce all the musical plays she wants."
"Money isn't everything, Sarah."
"It's not about the money. It's about what is right. It's about honoring my son and give my granddaughters what belong to them."
I stared at Sarah and put the coffee away. I loved coffee, but it was too bitter, just like the lady in front of me. Sarah Berry had always seemed cold to me. I admired her for being the one who always stood by Hiram, whereas Joel stopped talking to his son for years after Hiram came out to him. Also, Sarah was always very distinctive, and as she was a very talented pianist. She had this natural connection with Rachel because of the music. I thought the coldness with which Sarah treated Santana was because of my history with Shelby, or out of jealousy since Joel and my San had always been close. Santana always loved Joel very much. Joel once commented that he felt closer to Santana than he ever did to Hiram. She understood him, Santana knew how to communicate with her grandfather. She learned the business dialect to talk to Joel.
Today my perception is a little off. I think Sarah was being cautious and careful with her ex-lover's "investment". Perhaps she wasn't more loving towards Santana not because of the DNA, but so as not to get too attached to the object of exchange. For all those years, Hiram, Sarah and Weiz made plans behind my back involving my kid. The most frustrating and infuriating thing about all this is that they succeeded.
Sarah was being vindictive, acting like the real villain of the story.
"I hope you're at peace with your own conscience." I stood up and quickly reached for my car keys.
"My conscience has never been better, thank you. And Juan... I'd appreciate it if you didn't comment on our conversation with Joel or the girls. Santana doesn't like me very much at this moment, and it huts me."
"With all due respect, Sarah. If I were you, I'd find a way to tell him or prepare Joel. Because there are already a lot of people who know about this story, and as you and Hiram well observed: when a lot of people know about a secret, it's easier for someone to give it away."
"You wouldn't... don't you dare!"
"I won't have to, Sarah. This bomb will explode on its own. Didn't Weiz himself drop this bomb in my daughter's lap? Didn't you do the same with your point of view? What will happen when Weiz starts to act as Santana's grandfather?"
I left Cleveland devastated. I really didn't know what to do to help my girls, any more than I had already set out to do. I really wanted to punch Caleb Weiz, I wanted to cut ties forever with Sarah Berry, and I wanted to give Joel Berry a sympathetic hug. He was a stubborn but honest old man. He didn't deserve this web of lies that was set up behind his back. Because I didn't want to hurt him, I would unfortunately become part of it.
...
(Shelby)
I had a list of activities to complete by the end of the month:
- book the hotel for the wedding - check
- hire the company to organize the wedding ceremony - check
- hire the buffet;
- hire the band;
- hire the florist - check
- finish the contextualization chapter of my master's degree;
- go to New York to accompany Rachel to an awards ceremony;
- get a dress for the occasion - check
- take the results of the DNA test and the adoption papers for the girls to sign;
- finalize the guest list.
Juan and I had a budget set aside for our wedding ceremony and party. The money came out of our own pockets, plus an unexpected contribution from Pedro and Maria: they paid for our hotel reservations and the place I wanted to do de ceremony and the party, which was incredible of them. The company for the organization wasn't a difficult task either, because I knew a few people from competitions who provided this service in Ohio. The flower shop was simple because there's not much mystery to it, and I didn't want too much ornamentation.
Juan and I agreed that a band was better than a DJ. What I didn't want was the band that the hospital staff had formed, because they were awful. I could hire the guys from the jazz club in Carmel, who played for Vocal Adrenaline on competition days. They were great, but it was tricky dealing with teenagers. I had some buffet tasting appointments, and I wanted Juan to go with me on at least one. In his absence, I asked Maria to accompany me. Although Juan's sister was a bit boring, she had impeccable taste in food. I didn't know Rosa very well, so I couldn't generalize, but the Lopezes were very good cooks.
I had my master's research, which I decided to do in parallel with my job in Carmel. I was very tired in that sense, but I was very happy to have the opportunity to grow professionally and academically. Juan made me understand that the home life I was so reluctant to have because of my own traumas, could be rewarding and used to my advantage. Honestly, without Juan by my side, without this domestic structure that I had at my disposal, and without this financial partnership with my fiancé, it would have been much more difficult to work, study and still be a mother.
The icing on the cake of my to-do list was pleasure. Rachel received her first Drama Desk nomination. Across the Universe was an Off-Broadway production, and frankly it would have been very difficult for her to be recognized at the Tonys. The Drama Desk was different because Off-Broadway productions were valued, and no wonder Rachel was nominated in the Outstanding Feature Actress in a Musical category. I couldn't be prouder of her.
The most complicated task, without a doubt, was the guest list. Our party was planned to have up to 100 guests. Juan and I agreed to invite 40 people on his side, 40 people on my side, and we set aside 20 people to let the girls call whoever they wanted. The 40 people on Juan's side filled up quickly. They were basically his family, Gus Rutherford, Alicia, Ronald, the hospital staff, Sarah and Joel Berry. The girls haven't sent their list yet, but Rachel hinted that she'd like us to call her friends from New Directions, as well as Johnny, Mike, Andrew and Brittany. Juan already had a best man, but the only person I thought of to be my godmothers, apart from my daughters, was Elise Mastreson, who was my roommate and Broadway partner for years.
The problem was with my guests. I made and re-made the list, and realized that I didn't have 40 people to invite. Not that it was a big deal, I just felt like an antisocial loser because of it. I had seven family members to invite, three great friends from New York and New Jersey with their respective companies, some friends from Carmel.
"Miss Corcoran." A group of four students knocked on my office door in Carmel. "Can we come in?"
"Yes, what do you need?"
They stared at each other, as if pushing the responsibility of being the interlocutor onto the other. When this happened, it was because they needed a favor. Seeing that these were my students from the advanced performing arts class, I could more or less imagine what it was all about.
"Mrs. Corcoran..." Laura Byers was then the interlocutor. "Is it true that you are Rachel Berry-Lopez's mother?"
"That's what the DNA test says." The students looked at me questioningly and I rolled my eyes. "Yes, Rachel Berry-Lopez is my daughter."
"It's just that I went to New York to see Across The Universe..." Oh yes, the Broadway play that has become a teen craze since String Awakening, produced by the company that fired my daughter for a mess that other cast members had made. Paradoxically, it was the best thing that could have happened to Rachel. "I have to say that your daughter is incredible. I've never seen an actress like her with such a crystal clear voice and diction..."
"Byers, please, I know about my daughter's qualities."
"It's just that... we were wondering if Miss Berry-Lopez could come and see us in our play?"
"Guys, my daughter lives in New York and is very busy. She doesn't have much time to come to Lima, so I can't make this commitment to you."
Laura and the others were disappointed, but I would never make any such commitment on behalf of any of my daughters. It sounded like exploiting her image for what? Popularity? Prestige? Bullshit! I saw that my students were still reluctant to leave my office.
"Do you need anything else?"
"Miss Corcoran, it's just that... well... I've been accepted into OSU's performing arts program." Laura said with a smile on her face.
"I'm glad, Laura. Congratulations." She had asked me to write a letter of recommendation last fall.
"We were wondering if you could also give us a letter of recommendation?" Bruno asked. He was an insufferable prima diva and I would never give him a letter of recommendation.
"You're a bit ahead of me on this. Ask me again next fall."
"Miss Corcoran, can I ask you one more question?"
"What is it, Laura?"
"I talked to a friend who's already at OSU, and she said you taught a class on diction and singing techniques. Do I have any chance of meeting you again in Columbus?"
"Not at the moment. I'm doing my master degree at OSU, and I have no plans to teach at the university for now."
"May I ask what you're researching?" Laura was really curious.
"About directing in musical theater."
"Oh... that really suits you."
"Thank you."
The students left my office and I removed my glasses for a moment. I leaned back in my chair and rubbed my hands over my eyes. I was exhausted. I looked at the clock and it was time for me to pick up Beth and go home. Regular classes had already ended, and the students who still circulated in the school belonged to the sports teams and clubs coordinated by other teachers. I knew that Vocal Adrenaline was about to start rehearsals, but contrary to what you might think, I wasn't too curious about what Ben Hannigan was doing with the students. He managed to get the group through to the nationals last year, when I was absent, and they came fifth.
In any case, going through the regionals was an obligation that if Mr. Hannigan didn't fulfill, he would be fired. Vocal Adrenaline had sponsors not only from Lima, but from the state of Ohio, and the group did a lot of promotional performances at these sponsors' events. The only rule was that Vocal Adrenaline couldn't do any advertising that would characterize the professionalism of the group or its members. That's why Carmel was able to pay the directors and choreographers a very good salary: because he had the money from the awards and more fat money from the sponsors. That's also why there was enormous pressure for the group to succeed.
I taught performing arts, and I had two classes: introductory and advanced. In the introductory class, I gave a general overview of the history of theater and gave general notions of dramaturgy, acting, set and costume design, lighting... in other words, I talked a little about each element that made up a play. The advanced class, on the other hand, focused on in-depth theatrical interpretation and performance. That year, because of my master's degree, I didn't direct the theater group and I didn't even accept to coordinate the school's scenic and musical activities, as I had been offered. This meant that I had to work in Carmel three times a week and take one day a week off to devote to my master's degree: in other words, every Thursday. On my weekday off, I basically planned my classes and studied a bit more for my master's degree. But I refused to work at weekends unless I really had to.
As I passed in front of our auditorium, I could see the muffled sound of rehearsals. I took a peek and saw that Ben Hannigan was preparing a number to Taylor Swift's music. I thought he needed to be bolder if he wanted to keep his job. Well, that wasn't my problem.
Beth's school was practically next door to Carmel, which was very convenient for me, as I could walk there to pick up my daughter. Beth, as usual, was waiting for me next to the teacher. She was wearing a painting with rabbit whiskers, judging by her ears.
"What a beautiful bunny." I said as soon as I saw her.
"No, Mommy, it's a hare!" Beth corrected me.
"Today was a day to learn about wild animals." The teacher explained.
"Oh, that's right, hares live in the woods." I smiled at Beth.
"And you know what? They're really fast!"
"Then let's use that hare speed to get home, sweetie." I picked up her backpack. "Thank you, Mrs. Lance. See you tomorrow." I said goodbye to the teacher.
"See you tomorrow, Miss Corcoran."
Beth wanted to prove that she was a hare and ran to my car. I put her in the car seat and we went home. As usual, we found a note from Clara on the refrigerator saying what had been done with the cleaning, Lassie was in the yard barking and wagging her tail. Beth always hugged the dog when she got home from school, no matter how happy or sad she was. I thought their relationship was cute. Beth knew the routine very well after we got home: she could play or watch TV until she had to do her homework, if there was any. Then she had to organize the things she'd messed up, take a shower, have dinner, story time and go to sleep.
Meanwhile, I was looking through Beth's diary to see if the teacher had written any notices and to find out what homework was due. On that particular day, there was a notice about a parent-teacher meeting at the school, at which the children were also going to give a performance. Usually the teachers rehearsed the children to sing something in a choir. There was no homework that day, which meant that Beth would have more time to play. Meanwhile, I had to organize myself. I wished I wasn't so busy at that moment so that I could play with my daughter for a while.
In the meantime, Juan arrived home earlier than expected. He hung the car keys on our key ring on the kitchen wall, gave me a light kiss on the lips and went to greet Beth. Just by the look on his face, I could tell that Juan was sad, and I assumed that the conversation he'd had with Sarah Berry hadn't gone so well. Even though I was very curious, I had a little patience and let Juan come to me.
I helped Beth shower and prepared natural sandwiches for dinner. We ate and basically paid attention to Beth, who talked to us about the things she had learned at school, and we made an effort to answer all the questions she asked about the most diverse subjects. Then it was time for Beth to go to sleep. I read her the story of the day, gave her a kiss on the cheek and went to take my bath. I put on my pajamas and when I went downstairs, I found Juan in the TV room, sitting on the sofa watching the news. I sat down next to him.
"I don't know what to do, Shel." Juan said, still looking at the TV.
"I assume the conversation with Mrs. Berry was difficult." I stroked Juan's hair.
"It wasn't difficult in the sense that Sarah didn't open up. It was difficult because that's exactly what she did." Juan shook his head. He was really sad.
"What did she say? Why did Hiram keep such a secret from you?"
"As I understand it, Hiram didn't tell me anything because he thought he was preventing the secret from reaching Joel."
"Bullshit!"
"What Sarah said... even sounds like a conspiracy so that the girls could get Weiz's money. Hiram was part of it. I think that's why he never told me anything in the first place. Because if I had known, I would have kept the girls away from all these people. I would have divorced Hiram many years before, and I would never have allowed Santana to set foot in New York... I would have gone back to Chile if I had to."
"Juan..."
"I can't do anything to protect them." Juan turned to me and he was teary-eyed. "They'll have the assistance of my lawyer, of course, but I don't see what we can do to protect them, especially now that they're adults. My hands are tied."
Juan remained silent, and I didn't know what to say. My participation in that debate at the time happened when Hiram had already passed away. I didn't know anything about it and I thought that the girls should really go to New York since they were backed up. If I had known half the story at the time, I would probably have sided with Juan.
"We shouldn't keep secrets from each other." I said after breaking the silence. "All this has only come to what it has because Hiram kept a big secret from you... a totally relevant secret. We shouldn't do that in our relationship. I'm not talking about silly secrets, like breaking a vase and not saying anything. I'm talking about what's really important."
"I agree." Then he stared at me. "Is there anything you want to tell me?"
"You know practically everything important that's happened in my life. You know about my traumas, my addictions... the biggest blunders I've made."
"Just as you know about mine."
"Then we'll be fine."