D POV

It had been less than two weeks since Rosa died for a second time. When Tasha pulled that trigger, I almost lost the two most important people in my life. While I still felt thankful for my beloved Rosa returned to me, However I started to feel an all consuming rage building within me.

I couldn't believe that someone would kill just to get what they wanted, who used this to keep Rose and I apart. Someone who felt so justified in her cause to make murder acceptable. Someone I had considered to be my friend.

As I waited for the guardians to open the door to the cells below, I reflected on how I ended up in this situation. I had decided to speak to Tasha before her execution. I simply couldn't understand why she did what she did. Murder and deceit by deliberately framing my beloved.

Rose had nothing left to say to her, she just wanted to move forward with her life.

I first met her when I was 16, visiting court for the first time as a reward for topping my sophomore year. Vinh Duy Khuc introduced us when Tasha's brother and his wife turned strigoi. I looked after Christian for an hour while she attended the planning session for their capture.

Vinh had an impressive guardian mask, but I could see the depth of affection that he had for Tasha. Vinh was killed and she had been wounded by her brother, resulting in the scarring of her face. When we next spoke, she mentioned her idea of moroi fighting which had me intrigued.

When I became Ivan's guardian, we met her through mutual friends. Ivan flirted shamelessly with her and I had fun watching her reject him. We had become a close trio of friends, but I always kept a piece of me hidden from them.

Dhampir tie ourselves to the Moroi for our survival, not being able to procreate on our own. After seeing how my moroi father abused his own family, I was wary to let moroi in close to my defences. I found myself being more reserved when I was around them. Ivan was different, he was like my brother, but he still didn't understand the experience of a Dhampir.

After Ivan died, I shut myself off from everyone and I focused on my job, to find and protect the Dragomir princess. Then I met this wild girl, who bulldozed straight through to my heart. Nothing and no-body could ever take her place. I had to battle with myself to keep my feelings hidden from my student.

She was too young, I was in a position of power and we were destined for the same charge. I had all of the reasons in the world not to be with her, but in spite of it all I was completely and utterly in love with her.

Rose was blunt, occasionally rude and had quite the temper, but deep down she is the most kind and loving person. She is truly remarkable, no-one holds a candle to her in my estimation. She is a fierce protector, which was a product of the love that she feels for others… and she was all mine.

She had even suggested that I take Tasha's offer of a family, because she wanted the best for me. I couldn't understand how someone could hate Rose so much to frame her. So I came down to get some answers and to say my peace.

Natasha stood there in a pale grey jumpsuit, her hair fell limply beside her and her skin looked sunken and pale. The protocol for prisoners was to provide the minimum amount of blood for survival to keep their powers dampened. She looked at me, I kept my face cold and impartial, my guardian face as Rose calls it.

"Why did you do it Natasha?" I couldn't believe that someone that I had known for the past ten years was capable of such evil.

"Because I love you"

I shuddered, the thought of being the object of her desire was unsettling. "You don't even know me"

"Yes I do, I've known you since you were 16. Vinh told me I could trust you."

It always comes back to Vinh.

"That doesn't mean you know me," I responded. "You don't understand what I'm thinking or where my heart lies. Rose is my everything. How could you possibly think that killing the queen and framing Rose would result in me wanting anything to do with you?"

She pivoted and changed tactics. "Rose broke a convicted felon out of jail, she is far from innocent. I did this for you Dimka, I did this for us, because I loved you so much."

I stepped back in disgust, did she really think that her actions were the same as rose's… she was mentally ill.

"Rose did everything she could to save me, to save my soul because she knew that my soul was the most precious thing I had. You murdered someone, to get what you want because you are a petulant child. You tried to frame the woman that I love because you put yourself ahead of everyone else." I emphasised my words to drive home my points.

"But I love you."

I ignored that and pressed on. "Why did you kill the queen?"

"That woman was going to bring our society down to its knees. She doesn't care about dhampir like I do, she was never going to approve my magic program, but she was going to send kids out for slaughter."

"That doesn't give you the right to destroy people. You are like every other entitled royal, so selfish and vain."

"I'm not entitled, I have fallen in love with Dhampirs even though I am a moroi of my station."

I scoffed, there it was. The true Tasha under all the pretence. She felt that her rights were greater than Rose's because she was a Royal. She continued. "I know that you keep a stoic mask, but deep down you love me."

"No, I don't."

"But.." She stared at me with intensity. "You're just like Vinh, you are honourable, controlled and strong. I promised myself that if I ever felt the same way with someone, I would do whatever it takes to hold on to them. No matter the cost.."

"I'm not Vinh! You don't know me. You don't know what is in my heart and you never will." I snapped.

She truly disgusted me. I found it difficult to have pity on her, not after what she did to Rose. She smiled to her face and pretended to support her while she stabbed her in the back.

Tasha initially had appeared to have adapted to the traumatic events from her past, and I once thought she was a strong woman for ignoring the prejudice and judgement from moroi society. I could see now that the psychological scars from her family's betrayal ran deep and it had changed her fundamentally as a person.

She became extreme and severe, thinking that she was justified in her actions. Maybe she felt after her ordeal that she deserved some special treatment or some moral high ground as a result.

She met me shortly after those events, perhaps that was when her desire shifted to me. Recalling my psychology classes at university, this was called transference.

"You took your feelings for him and transferred them to me thinking that we are the same person. We aren't the same, just because you see similarities between us doesn't mean that my actions meant the same as his!"

"No… That's not true… I have always wanted you. You never gave us a chance."

"The only thing I owed you was my consideration of the possibility of us, and I did consider it." I spat out like it was filth in my mouth, I continued.

"Rose told me to take your offer last Christmas. She loved me so much that she wanted what was best for me, to be happy with a family. I could never have a family with anyone other than her."

Tasha looked like I punched her in the gut, and I didn't care. I was so angry at this point I was shaking. "You stood in front of her face and told her that you wanted her to be your guardian. Then you murdered someone that got in the way of your ambitions and tried to frame Rose for it."

Her eyes looked shocked.

"But Dimka, I love you and I did it for our future children! The family that we could still have."

"And I love Roza, the mother of my child. The child that you almost killed when you shot at Roza. Loving someone doesn't mean that they automatically have to love you. Love should be freely given by someone, not through coercion or manipulation. The friend that I thought I knew doesn't exist. You are an entitled psychopath who is going to get your just deserts."

"What child?"

At that point I turned and left, she screamed after me, but I just kept walking. I walked past Abe and Pavel on my way out, he gave me a smirk while he headed towards her cell with purpose. Pavel a step behind carrying a heavy bag and both were wearing leather gloves.

"Hello Miss Ozera, I thought it was time we had a little talk…"

Her screams became louder and more deranged, but I just kept walking. The friend I knew was dead and I had no more fucks to give.

R POV

Dimitri didn't tell me about his visit to Tasha.

I had seen rage boiling at the surface for weeks after the shooting and I was worried that he was going to let this destroy him. He was hurt and he didn't want to lay the burden onto me. At one point I suggested seeing a counsellor, which was ironic coming from me - Hater of all therapists. I told him that he needed to deal with his feelings for the sake of junior.

Dimitri had not left my side for weeks, however, one morning I woke to Eddie sitting one the couch and a distinct lack of Dimitri. He returned to our apartment in the palace six hours later with bruised and bloody hands, but the fury in his eyes had simmered.

After that, my gentle Dimitri started to re-emerge and all I could see was his love for me and our baby. I understood Tasha's actions more than he did. I knew she was a rival for his affections from day one. Dimitri was blind to her true feelings, so he couldn't understand the lengths that one would go to for him.

At one point it had appeared that she could give him everything I couldn't. She was more age appropriate, wealthy, beautiful and she could offer him children. At that time I could offer nothing but my heart and he still chose me.

I wasn't doing much better. I died for a second time and a few months ago I had seen the love of my life die in front of me. I had jumped straight into a mission to kill him, then into an ill-fated relationship with Adrian while simultaneously planning to restore Dimitri back to a Dhampir. I never had time to process those feelings. His return did not negate the impact of his death and my fear of losing him again was crippling.

I woke from my nightmare, sweat drenching my shirt. It was the same nightmare I always saw…the caves. Nathan sinking his teeth in Dimitri's neck and then looking up at me to taunt me.

That moment was possibly the worst moment of my life, my child-like illusions of us living happily-ever-after were shattered.

Dimitri went to comfort me but I moved away from him.

"What's wrong?" He tried to touch me again but I moved away. "Why are you angry at me?"

"I'm not."

He raises one eyebrow at me and steps closer towards me to look into my eyes. "You are mad."

"No, I'm not" as I start to raise my voice.

"Yes you are" he matches my intensity.

"No, I'M NOT!

"It sounds like you aren't too" I turned and fixed him a glare.

After a little while of our tense stare off, he took my hand and walked me down to the palace gym. The room was empty and he took me to the punching bags and started wrapping my hands, producing some gloves.

"Start hitting something and tell me what is wrong."

I started with my usual training combo's while I started to talk. I deliberately didn't look at him so I could just vent.

I didn't talk to him, I just kept punching, He pushed my shoulder and I ignored him. He then poked me hard in the ribs. I grunted in pain.

"What's wrong?" He growled at me.

My frustration hit a breaking point and I lost my temper. "I'M ANGRY."

He nodded at me. "What are you angry about?"

"You!"

"I knew it, I told you that what I did was unforgivable."

I looked at him incredulously, he still thought I held Russia against him. I punched him in the shoulder. "I'm not angry because of what you did as a strigoi, you had no soul. When are you going to get that?"

"Then what did I do?"

"You died.."

I didn't look at him, but I could hear the sadness in his voice "Roza…"

"You died in the caves. I watched you die right in front of me and it broke me."

"I'm sorry Roza."

I ignored his apology and punched the bag each time I made a point. "You. left. me."

Punch

"You pushed me away when you returned."

Punch

"You make me feel weak."

Punch

"And one day, one of us is going to leave the other. Why can't you be the invincible god that I thought you were?"

I started to cry at this point, damn hormones, I was going to seriously destroy my reputation as a badass. He grabbed the boxing gloves and pulled me away from the punching bag.

"I never claimed to be a god." He said to me quietly.

"You didn't, but you seemed larger than life and I believed there was nothing that could destroy you. A part of me believed that you were invincible and as long as I was with you everything would be ok. I'm afraid… okay. I don't like it and you make me feel hopelessly weak."

"Why, Roza?" His voice softens and he steps closer to me.

"Because I need you and I've never been that girl; a girl who can't function without a man. It scared me too, because if the great Dimitri Belikov can die, so can the rest of us."

I looked into his eyes, my lip trembling and tears leaking out of the corner of my eyes. "I saw you die right in front of me. That was the day my childhood ended, when you left me. It broke my heart and I can't fathom surviving losing you again. That's how I kept going, because I knew that there was a small sliver of hope that you would come back to me. But you could die tomorrow and leave me forever."

I started sobbing uncontrollably as the images of the cave played on loop in my head.

"Roza, I didn't leave you on purpose." He tried to comfort me, but I continued between my sobs.

"And then you pushed me away… and wouldn't let me help you. We could have healed together… but you shut me out while you let others in."

My knees started to buckle, so he gently guided me onto the floor then he pulled me into his lap.

"I know that I was a stupid idiot when I returned, I needed you but I was too proud to accept your help. As a poor guardian, I never felt that there was much that I could offer you. I pushed you away because at the time I felt like I couldn't live up to the image you had of me in your head… and one day you would outgrow me and move on."

"You let her in, but you kept me at arms length" I sobbed on his shoulder.

"I didn't really, I allowed people that I trusted to talk to me, but they were those who never really knew me. I kept away from you, and I still haven't spoken to my family because I couldn't face myself. I thought, why would the ones I love want to be around me? The people I let in were Lissa — because she healed me, and Tasha — because she was familiar, from a time in my life when Ivan was around. Neither were remotely close to seeing into my heart, You will always have a piece of me that no-one knows." I let his voice soothe me while he gently stroked my hair.

I took a deep breath before I next spoke. "I worry that one day you will leave me again, that you will pull your love away from me or die. I'm scared, my life is heading in an opposite direction than I anticipated. I can't raise our child alone, I need you with me."

"I can't promise that I will be around forever, and I would die if that meant protecting you or our children. What I can promise is that I will love you with everything I have, I pledge my whole heart to you and our family for the rest of our lives. I am not leaving you ever again and I will spend the rest of my life trying to be worthy of your love."