A/N: More artistic liberty! Kevin & Jenna's podcast pretty much explains that season 4 is a bit messy, what with all the crazy love triangles and Finn's takeover and whatnot. None of that is my focus, so in order for it not to be, I'm taking it out and mixing some events around to just focus on what I enjoy. And to focus on Artie/Kitty, especially! Enjoy!
They had two solid songs ready to go for Regionals that were sure-fire hits. One was their Opener, "I Love It" by Icona Pop. Released in May 2012, it was one of the songs of the summer and was still so catchy that Artie didn't ever not listen if it came on the radio during his quick morning drive to school. (And it usually did, it was that popular.) Kitty put some fun dance moves to it, and now whenever he heard it, all Artie could visualize was her impressive high kick that would even put Amy Abrams' and Quinn Fabray's respective moves to shame. The other song, "Hall of Fame," featured a lot of him front and center, doing a combination of rapping and singing. He didn't pick it but he might as well have. Actually, he had Finn to thank for that gem. Finn, having settled into a comfortable routine of attending community college classes and working at the garage, found himself with just enough spare time to devote to helping out on occasion with Regionals preparations. With these two killer songs they'd already prepared and with guidance from Finn, Artie felt like they couldn't lose. And that felt good, too, because if they didn't win, Regionals would become the last performance ever for Artie, Tina, Sam, and Blaine.
With a week left until showtime, they still hadn't settled on a third song, however. During the previous week, Marley had tried and failed to sell everyone on a song she'd penned herself called "All or Nothing." Though it wasn't bad, per se, it didn't have that finished quality that the two top 40 hits possessed. It also lacked familiarity, which was something that often helped them win over the audience and the judges during competitions. (See also, "Loser Like Me" and "Get It Right.") Kitty had the strongest argument against Marley's song, pointing out that there was no way to create a studio-quality backing track in the time left before competition. Marley, of course, took it as part of Kitty's known personal vendetta against her and proceeded to pout and stop contributing her ideas altogether. Kitty, though needlessly blunt, was right though. No one, especially not the senior class, was willing to take risks at this point.
And then, the unthinkable happened. Mr. Schue came down with flu the week before the competition. Finn, having already volunteered here and there, stepped up in a big way, to take the lead for their last week of rehearsals. He even arrived on Monday dressed in what looked exactly like a typical Schuester outfit – fitted jeans, button down shirt and tie, and of course, a snazzy vest to top off the whole thing. It was so not Finn that it got a well-earned belly laugh out of the group when he walked in. Finn, however, expertly ignored them all as he uncapped a dry erase marker and made a beeline for the board.
"Boys vs. Girls" he wrote, or would have, had his marker not been almost entirely dried out. As Finn stood with his hands on his hips, puzzling over the problem, Sugar approached the board as she suddenly produced another dry erase marker from her purse.
"They were on the school supply list," she explained, as she handed it to him with a smirk. "I bought extras, just in case. You should always get the name brand. Case in point."
"Er, thanks Sugar," Finn said, as he outlined his words to darken them so the rest could read clearly from the opposite side of the room. He repeated what he'd written. "Boys versus girls. I'm doing what I think Mr. Schue would do in this situation. We need a competition to pick a third song for Regionals. Everyone get into your groups and come up with something. We'll... perform on Thursday and I'll pick a winner. Winner gets... a gift certificate for dinner for two at Breadstix."
"Dinner for two?" Ryder echoed. "But there will be like... five or six of us in each group. How do we decide who gets it?"
"Nominate a leader?" Finn said, sounding more like a suggestion than an idea. He was clearly mixing up their traditional boys/girls sing-off with the duets competition. But no matter.
"Tina's the leader of our group," Marley spoke up, as Kitty opened her mouth, clearly about to protest. Marley looked at Kitty, then at a stunned Tina. "What? She's the only senior girl. It just makes sense."
As Tina beamed brightly and mouthed a thank-you to Marley, it was Unique who spoke up next. "Makes no difference to me," she said, casting a disdainful look in the direction of Ryder and Jake. "As long as you consider me part of the girls and not part of those Neanderthals."
"Well, yeah!" Finn exclaimed, seemingly remembering he was in charge today. "Besides, we have six guys and only four other girls, so they need you more anyway..." He trailed off, and Artie knew what he was thinking.
Ever since Brittany had graduated early and taken the scholarship to join Santana cheerleading at the University of Kentucky, that had brought them down to eleven members in the club. You needed twelve to be eligible to compete. No matter how much success the club encountered, they never could sit comfortably above that number.
Unique had already tried and failed to convince Lauren to return. Artie, feeling like he had something of an understanding with Lauren Zizes, had tried as well the previous week. He also had the opportunity to talk to her, since they had A/V Club together. She finally confessed to Artie that she didn't like hiding in the back and didn't want Tina sewing sleeves on her dresses to cover her arms. Yes, it was true that Unique was a larger person as well, but Lauren's argument was that "she's black so she gets away with it. The same went for Mercedes." Not that Artie necessarily agreed, but he appreciated the honesty. People always seemed to feel like they could be honest with him. It was something of a compliment, he supposed, that being forever seated and having people always looking down to address him made him oddly approachable at the same time.
"Okay, so looking at you three senior guys," Finn went on, addressing Artie, Sam, and Blaine. "Which of you is going to lead the guys' team to victory?"
Before Artie could open his mouth and say that it would be Blaine, duh, both Blaine and Sam spoke before he could. "Artie," they said, in unison.
As for Artie, he turned over his shoulder slowly to gaze up at "Blam" in wonder, stunned by their show of support. Afterall, they both really loved pigging out at Breadstix and, given the talented crop of calendar models sitting in that room, there was a strong chance of the guys winning. (On the other hand, the ladies were sure to have a killer number prepared come Thursday as well.)
He shifted his gaze to Tina Cohen-Chang, his competition for a free trip to Breadstix, along with the right to choose the third number for their last Regionals performance, which was the real prize (though Breadstix as an added bonus was a treat, too). What with Valedictorian also on the table and the distinct possibility that he'd lose that to her (I mean, she was Asian afterall, and last year, it was Mike, it just made sense), Artie felt another layer of pressure being added. Nevertheless, he could joke about it when she met his gaze, narrowing his eyes menacingly and gesturing by pointing to his bespectacled eyes with two fingers, then pointing back at her.
"It's on," said Tina, folding her arms and sneering in his direction. Artie bit back a grin. There was nothing more satisfying than beating Tina at this. She wasted no time in gathering her ladies up around the piano. As for the guys, they formed a circle, and Artie faced his chair towards the center.
"So, what do you want to do?" Ryder asked, rubbing his hands together. Finn turned a chair around backwards and sat in earshot of the group, clearly wanting to be a part of the huddle while also respecting Artie's role as the leader. They were all looking to Artie for an idea, even Blaine, who had undoubtedly picked countless selections for the Warblers, one of their key competitors in past competitions.
The Warblers were already out of this competition, thanks to their poor showing at Sectionals and that unfortunate fainting incident in which a malnourished Warbler named Trent passed out under the watch of one Hunter Clarington. Their new competition was the Hoosierdaddies, whose lead singer Frida Romero was runner-up of the eleventh season of American Idol. They were also up against one of the top 10 show choirs at 2011 National Show Choir Championship, the Waffletoots. So they surely had their work cut out for them.
"We should stick with the theme of current songs," Artie decided, for he knew that the risk they'd taken in Sectionals when they'd recycled numbers from "Grease" wasn't something they needed to do again, at this level of competition. "'Hall of Fame' and 'I Love It' are both really recent top 40 hits. What about..." (he mentally scanned his current play list) "... what about 'Some Nights' by Fun?"
Afterall, one of their post-competition celebration songs with the original club had been "We Are Young," also by the band Fun. There was an element of glee nostalgia there, plus Artie just loved belting out to 'Some Nights' in the car on the way to school lately. And, judging from the pleased looks on their faces, he wasn't the only one who knew every single word of this particular hit song.
"Isn't that the one that goes –" Joe started to do the oh, oh's in the bridge but the rest quickly shushed him, looking over their shoulders at the girls huddled around the piano.
"Mr. Hudson, can the guys practice and perform in the auditorium?" Artie said, raising his hand and exchanging a little smirk with Finn as he pretended the other guy was a teacher. Finn, in return, smiled back but cast a dubious look over at the girls first. "It's just that there are six of us and only five of them, plus my chair takes up extra space. We really need to spread this thing out..."
Artie never missed an opportunity to negotiate, especially if it meant they had a better chance at winning. And he didn't mind using his chair as an excuse either, not if it helped the cause. Finn ultimately agree. The girls could use the choir room to practice and perform their group number. Finn and Mr. Schue (his health permitting) would be their judges.
When the final bell signaled the end of after-school activities, Artie received a firm clap on the shoulder from Sam on the way out. "Great job in there," he said. "Picking our song and getting us a better performance space. That's why you're our leader."
But not far behind was Tina, who looked like she was ready for a word. Artie wheeled himself backwards to address her, while flanked by Blaine and Sam. "May the best leader win," he offered, choosing not to gender the statement and imply he was sure it would be him. It could honestly go either way. But Tina Cohen-Chang didn't see it that way.
"Oh yeah, great job securing the better performance space," Tina mimicked Sam, addressing him briefly before turning her attention back to Artie. "A little uncool of you there, using your chair as a reason why the boys should get the auditorium."
"It's a valid reason," Artie countered, raising an eyebrow. "Six of us and five of you, plus my bulky chair, means we need more space for our choreography. It's just... physics."
He hadn't meant to say something that would remind Tina of their other big competition, namely, the physics class they were both taking. Being that this class was the only current class where both of them truly had to put in the work, they were both all too aware that one bad grade in physics was going to make-or-break Valedictorian. She didn't have to say it: she secretly wanted Artie to choke so that she could secure the top place. Afterall, it would help her get into Brown, the only school she'd applied for. Meanwhile, Artie just had to get into film school, which didn't require you to ace physics. She always wanted to know Artie's grade, so that she could compare, and she hardly ever showed him hers, meaning only she knew their current standing. They must have still been neck and neck.
"Fine," she said, sticking her nose in the air. "It doesn't really matter where we perform. We girls are the real power houses anyway. Me, Marley, Kitty, Unique, and... uh... Sugar. Buckle up, Arthur, you're in for a ride."
Artie clicked his imaginary seatbelt into place and reached up to receive a high-five from Sam as she tossed her freshly highlighted hair over her shoulder and flounced away.
The ladies were first on Thursday. And wow, did they ever have a strong showing, at least as far as costumes were concerned! It did just so happen to be Tina's specialty.
They were the Spice Girls! Having grown up right after the British Invasion, he knew exactly who was supposed to be which Spice Girl. Sugar was cute in her ponytail, Adidas track pants, and tightly fitting athletic top as Sporty Spice. Marley, who typically smiled a lot during performances, kept a pouty lip the entire time because she was Posh Spice. Tina had created some kind of weird hair style complete with purple leopard print cat ears and, combined with her purple leopard print outfit and flowing black sheer jacket, Artie deduced she was meant to be Scary Spice. Unique wore a blue baby doll dress, a wig with long straight pigtails, and carried a lollipop as a prop, since she was supposed to be Baby Spice.
That left... Kitty.
From her tight British flag mini-dress to the red streaks in her hair to the red pleather boots, she embodied Ginger Spice in every possible way. Was it just because he was wearing a red sweater-vest over his long-sleeved red button down shirt or was it, like, hotter than the surface of the sun all of a sudden? All he could imagine was taking her into the empt Astronomy classroom... in that dress... and peeling it right off of her to do crazy, crazy things. He suddenly hated the fact that he couldn't hide in the back of the room. She didn't hold back either. She made intense eye contact with Artie the entire time and never let up. By the time their number ended, he was clapping louder than the rest and would have been on his feet if it were possible, as he yelled out, "Best performance ever!" He'd completely and utterly forgotten that this was a competition, as the rest of the guys, who had remembered how to be cool and keep it together in this situation, eyed him suspiciously.
"Wow, how did it feel to be so open about your Spice love?" Lauren Zizes, who had come to serve alongside Finn as a judge for this competition, wanted to know. "Personally, they've always been a guilty pleasure of mine."
"Liberating," said Marley, in a British accent, still in character and appearing to thoroughly enjoy the part she got to play. "We only hope you can see us for who we really are."
"I applaud your courage in such an openly Spice-phobic time," Artie said, word vomiting all over the choir room. "Especially you, Kitty..." His mouth left his brain and the rest of his body solidly in the dust as the room went absolutely quiet while he singled her out. "Actually, I don't think I've ever seen you so, um... uh..."
"So... what?" Kitty was sort of hiding herself behind the piano at this point, her face as red as the cute steaks in her hair.
"So... happy to be a part of the team!" Artie finally concluded, sounding like the nerd he always hoped he wouldn't seem like in her eyes.
As the Spice Girls, the rest of the team, and their two judges headed into the auditorium, Lauren Zizes caught up with him. She pretended to be giving him a push up the ramp to get inside, but what she was really doing was leaning over to tell him something quietly in his ear.
"You have a toner for Kitty, my friend," she said, and Artie caught the "Pitch Perfect" reference. "A musical boner," she added.
Flustered, he looked down at his lap and back up again. "I do not," he said, indignantly. "And, believe it or not, I'd know. Now, are you trying to mess me up or what? Because I've got to go perform now."
He cleared his mind of Kitty and the girls' performance as the guys headed backstage. There was no way they actually expected to beat the guys with that guilty pleasure of a performance, right? Though, if they were judging on costumes alone...
For this performance, the guys had all put on some variation of a red shirt and jeans. Blaine's was collarless and tight with three buttons all buttoned up. Joe wore a button down that exposed his chest hair and a bunch of weird necklaces. Ryder had a plain, fitted red t-shirt. Jake's look was similar, but with long sleeves pushed up at the elbows. Sam had opted for a red v-neck layered under a red hoodie, which was very Sam indeed. As for Artie, he'd done solid red on top with his typical sweater-vest and button-down combo. It was meant to remind the charter members of New Directions of their first performance together.
Artie had directed this as something of a play, since the song told a story in a way. Blaine started out center stage as the mediator between a battle, Jake versus Ryder. Sam charged in during the second verse as something of a general rallying the troops to battle. Artie gave himself the gentler, softer (and higher, yikes... he had to break out the falsetto again) bridge since he decided he fit the part of the peacemaker. He fully intended to pass this off to a couple of the girls, if and when their song was picked as the winner. And finally Joe, their resident bleeding Hart, did the dramatic spoken words right before the final chorus. He seemingly remembered the direction Artie had given him, which was to "smolder" all across that stage. Now it was the guys' turn to heat things up, as Lauren fanned herself in the audience, her so-called "toner" for Joe pretty obvious even in the back row. Artie made a mental note to tease her for it later.
"Wow!" Finn gave them standing ovation, followed by a couple of the girls, Marley and Sugar. "Great song choice, guys! Um... this is a tough decision..."
Finn couldn't lie convincingly, a fact which Lauren swiftly pointed out, as she rolled her eyes and stared up at him from her seat.
"No, it's not," she said. "Look, I'm all for feminism and 'girl power,' but the guys are the clear winners. This song fits in with the rest of the setlist perfectly. It'll be a great finisher."
"Well... we had better costumes," was all Tina could muster up as a comeback. And then she shifted her gaze to Artie. "Though the red shirts were a nice touch of nostalgia, I'll admit. Well done. The costumes... the song choice... all of it."
"Before we declare the official winner," Lauren interjected from her seat. "How do you guys plan on incorporating the ladies in this one?"
"Well, I really imagined a couple of the girls singing my verse," Artie explained. "See, it's a little out of my range and–"
"Agree to disagree on that, bro," Sam interrupted. "I thought you were awesome on that part."
Artie smiled but persisted on explaining his idea just the same. "And I thought some girls singing that verse, plus some riffs and planned ad-libs at the end might really add an element of originality to the song." His eyes had landed on Kitty again. That costume was really distracting.
Having clearly decided the winner – after a brief conference with Lauren – Finn presented Artie with the gift certificate for dinner for two at Breadstix. Sam joked that it could probably be stretched to feed six, if they bought kids' meals and feasted on the free salad and breadsticks. But then added that Artie should take whoever he wanted. And looked at Kitty as he said it. Oh, god, now they all know.
Artie couldn't approach her until everyone cleared out. Luckily, he knew that the brother who picked her up usually ran late, and she could be found sitting outside the school, working on her homework on the days she didn't get a ride with somebody else. He remained at a safe distance, psyching himself up to go talk to her, when she suddenly looked up and saw him watching her. She still hadn't changed out of that incredibly sexy outfit, which wasn't the only reason he stared, but she didn't know that.
"You used those googly, thyroid-conditioned eyeballs of yours and ogled me like I was a Taiwanese streetwalker," Kitty said, arching her brows and smirking as he approached. "Well, I regret to inform you that you will never be climbing up on this."
Ignoring her sass, he approached her all the same. "Actually, that's not why I was staring but I did have questions about the outfit," he said, as she put away her notebook and gave him her full attention, crossing her legs in her red pleather heeled boots. "Where'd you get an authentic Spice Girls costume with just a few days notice?"
"Halloween," Kitty explained. "Two years ago. I guess I grew a bit, so it's tighter than I remember..." And she surveyed the top, which sure enough, gave way to ample cleavage. Artie knew she knew exactly what she was doing to him, which was why she didn't let up.
"Uh-huh..." he cleared his throat. "Well, uh, I have this gift certificate to Breadstix and I was wondering if you-wanted-to-go-with-me." He forgot to pause between words, what with all the anxiety of actually asking her out on what could be considered a real date.
She paused. "Only if you wear something that's not a sweater-vest."
Artie wasn't offended. He saw her point. "Okay," he agreed. "As long as you wear that again–" Kitty's jaw dropped. "– just kidding. I'd hate for you to get marinara sauce on it."
"Right, that would be a shame," she agreed, an amused grin plastered across her face. "By the way, we heard Joe sing part of the song you chose before we started preparing our number. We all agreed to let you guys win and just have a little fun with our number instead. Well, except Tina, but she has notoriously bad taste. You remember how she wanted to do 'Gangnam Style' for Sectionals before we decided to do the numbers from 'Grease' instead?"
"So, you didn't really think you'd win with 'Wannabe?'"
"Tina did." Kitty snorted, which got a laugh out of Artie. "No, I just wanted an excuse to make you stare at me. Clearly, my evil plan worked." She averted her gaze across the parking lot. "My ride's here."
"Meet at Breadstix at 7:00 tomorrow night?" Artie suggested. He would have offered to pick her up but didn't want to appear too eager. Maybe she'd let him drive her home.
"Sounds like a plan," said Kitty, obviously avoiding calling it a 'date' as she got to her feet and darted across the parking lot before her ride could see the two of them together. Maybe she didn't want to explain this not-date to her brother just yet. Artie watched her go, impressed by how quickly she could move in those tall boots and the tight dress.
I just scored a date with a Spice Girl.