Darry's POV
It was another long day of roofing houses as I drove home. It has been about three weeks since everything had gone down. Everything seems worse now than it had been after Mom and Dad died. At least when that accident happened Ponyboy had relied on me. He believed and trusted that I could make things better. But now everything was a mess, especially Ponyboy. He wasn't the same and who knew if he ever would be.
Every free second I have is spent worrying about that kid now. For the last 9 months it has been like that, but these last few weeks have been torture. Ponyboy was on one everyday and we couldn't go five minutes without fighting. Sodapop was doing his best to keep the peace, but Pony was now even picking a few arguments with him which was way out of character.
I called the doctor a few days ago about it, but he just said it was to be expected. It was the same doctor the state had sent daily to talk with Ponyboy before the trial. He couldn't keep coming by, but had told me I could call him if I was concerned about anything. And let me tell you. I'm concerned. The kid just can't seem to catch a break and either he is yelling and screaming about something insignificant, or he doesn't even seem to be alive. Just a hollowed out version of himself. We haven't seen him smile once.
The doc said to be patient and he could try and swing by but I was too worried about the state finding out about that and told him not to come. He said it could also be the start of puberty. Boys are known to have emotional outbursts of anger during that time which I remember all too well. Unfortunately Pony hasn't shown any other signs of that being the case. His voice ain't cracking or nothing. If this isn't even the start of puberty then I can't wait to deal with that. How did I get into this mess? I'm not a father. There's no book on how to do this.
I finally pulled up to the house. I stopped to get the mail as I walked up to the house. Inside the radio was blaring and I could hear Sodapop singing along in the kitchen. I took off my tool belt and walked into the kitchen where Soda was putting some chicken in the oven.
"Hey Dar! How was work?" he greeted me brightly. Leave it to Soda to keep on the happy attitude even though I knew he's hurting inside as well. He lost his friends too and Sandy on top of that. Unfortunately I can only focus on one little brother at a time and Ponyboy has always been the priority. Soda understands and wouldn't want it any other way.
"Long, boring, nothing new" I replied with a shrug and threw the bills down on the table and sat down to take a look at them.
"What's for dinner?" I asked to keep the conversation going as I started opening the mail.
"Just some chicken and mashed potatoes." Soda replied as he busied himself mashing those potatoes.
"And what color are those potatoes going to be?" I questioned with a raised eyebrow.
Soda had a grin "I'm thinking orange. Like a sunset" Soda replied.
I sighed. "I don't think coloring them his favorite color is going to get him to eat."
"It's worth a shot" He shrugged.
"Speaking of which, where is that kid?" I asked while I opened the first hospital bill we've received. The doctor was super nice and only charged us for what he absolutely had to. He had been Johnny's doctor as well and knew everything that had happened so he tried to help us as best he could, but these hospital bills were still going to hurt. With the help we will be able to pull it off, but it will be tight for a few months. Just add that on top of all the other crap happening.
Soda just pointed to the closed bedroom door. I hollered down the hall "Ponyboy! Come here please!"
There was no reply. I knew he could hear me even with the radio going though so he must be ignoring me. I reached over and turned it down anyways to try and get his attention "Ponyboy!" I yelled out again.
The door opened and Ponyboys head poked out. He is skinnier than ever. The week away, then getting sick, and now barely eating has made him lose so much weight. He looks awful to be frank. And his hair. It was bad when it was all bleached, but now that it was growing out the roots it looked worse than ever. Having your hair cut with a switch blade and dyed in an abandoned church will do that to ya though. "what?" he called out with as much attitude as he could behind those words.
"Come bring me your math homework so I can check it over." I tried to calmly ask. How this kid could work me up so quickly was a wonder.
He rolled his eyes and disappeared into his room returning later with his papers. He walked over to the table and threw them at me as he threw himself down in the chair.
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I will not engage. I will not engage. I chanted in my head and then opened my eyes and picked up his homework to start looking it over.
Ponyboy was just tracing patterns in the wood table while I started circling the answers he got wrong. He had more correct this time than he had yesterday so maybe he was getting better at the school work. But that could just be wishful thinking.
He looked like he was going to say something, but then decided not to. He riffled through the mail on the table and picked up the open hospital bill I was just looking at. I very quickly snatched it out of his hands before he could see what it was. He just glared at me and then went back to tracing the table. I was just looking at the last problem when the front door banged open.
Someone was always banging that door open. I really needed to fix that. I turned to look and was surprised to see Steve and Evie walking in. I mean someone was always coming over, less so now, but the girls hardly ever came over. Not that they weren't allowed here, they just didn't come over much. This was more of a frat house then anything. I looked at Soda still holding the bowl of mashed potatoes that were now a light orange color and he seemed confused that they were here as well.
"Hey Stevie! Do we have plans? Wait, is it my birthday?" Soda asked.
Steve just shook his head "Naw. You didn't forget nothing and you know your birthday is next week. Evie and I were just stopping by cuz...well..." Steve started getting really uncomfortable. He was looking at all of us and then his eyes landed on Ponyboy before he turned to Evie and gave her a look that basically begged her for help.
I've always liked Evie well enough. She doesn't mess around or put up with nonsense. She was currently holding a big paper bag and chewing gum. She rolled her eyes at Steve and snapped her gum loudly and then addressed the room.
"Steve here says the kids getting teased at school cuz of his hair. It does look pretty awful. Thought I could help" she said looking straight at Ponyboy.
Evie was always changing up her hair. Currently it was jet black, but I've seen it blonde, red, brown, everything. She changed it every month or so and was pretty good at it to. I wasn't super surprised to hear that Ponyboy was getting teased about the hair. It was pretty bad. I was surprised though that Steve took noticed and seemed to care enough to bring in Evie. That was new for him.
We all turned to look at Ponyboy. His mouth was open and I could tell that his brain was going a million miles a minute. He reached up and tugged at his hair. He closed his mouth and then opened it again but no words came out. He seemed very overwhelmed all of a sudden. Then just like that he stood up and ran to his bedroom and slammed the door.
Sodapop heaved a big sigh and set down the bowl on the counter. Steve crossed his arms and looked more pissed off than usual. I didn't blame him. He tried to do something actually kind and it was backfiring on him. Evie just kept popping her gum and didn't seem to care what was happening.
Soda started to head for the bedroom but I grabbed his arm as he walked by. He turned to look at me with confusion written across his face, but I just stood up without even realizing what I was doing and pushed him back.
"Wait let me try" I told him. Sodas eyes lit up at that and he broke into a grin.
"Ok Darry! You got this. Just listen. Don't yell please" he called to me as I headed down the hallway. I could vaguely hear him teasing Steve about caring for others as I stood outside Ponys door and gave a quick knock.
There was no response but I didn't expect one as I walked in and shut the door behind me. There sitting on the bed with his head down chewing on his fingers on one hand and gripping his hair in the other was Ponyboy.
He spoke as soon as the door closed "Soda, I..." and then he looked up and saw me standing there. He lowered both his hands and set them in his lap. I could see that his eyes were watering and he was probably close to tears. He looked down at his lap and stayed silent.
I walked over and sat down next to him on the bed. We were both silent for a minute probably waiting for the other one to start. It didn't seem like Ponyboy was going to kick this off so I finally spoke.
"Ponyboy what's wrong? Evie's real talented when it comes to hair. Don't you want it to look back to normal?" I tried to ask as gently as I could. I didn't have Soda's soothing voice, but I did my best.
Pony started fidgeting with his hands. I knew if I wasn't in the room that he would start smoking but he knew I would yell at him for smoking in the house. After what felt like years, but was probably no longer than a minute Ponyboy looked up at me and now I could fully see that he had tears in his eyes.
"I can't explain it Dar." was all that he said. I just gave a sigh. "well why don't you try. What are you thinking right now?" I tried to prod.
He thought for a moment and then answered. "I hate this hair. I hate looking in the mirror. I look stupid. I'm sick of people laughing at me as well and for standing out everywhere I go basically announcing who I am and what happened." he said all in one breath.
I just nodded. That all made sense. What didn't was why we were in here when all that could easily be fixed right now. I didn't understand this kid at all. I just stayed silent hoping that he would continue on. I must have looked confused though because Ponyboy just sighed again and looked down at his fidgeting hands.
He spoke again after a minute and he was so quiet I could barely hear what he was saying. "Johnny did my hair. It's the last reminder I have of him. I think of him when I look in the mirror and see it. I don't know if I want to give that up yet." he whispered.
I was not expecting that. I didn't know what to say. How did Soda always know the right thing to say? Maybe I should have just let him come back here. He probably would already have Ponyboy out there with dye on his hair grinning again. It was getting uncomfortable that I wasn't saying anything. I could feel it in the room so finally I opened my mouth and just let whatever was on my mind come out.
"Ponyboy that's crazy" he immediately looked up at me with hurt in his eyes. Ooops wrong thing to say for sure. I very quickly continued on "your hair isn't the last thing you have of Johnny. You have the lot where you liked to hang out, you have the couch out there that he slept on most nights, you have that book he left you, and most importantly you have all your memories and all the good times you spent together. You don't need this bum haircut to remember Johnny. He probably would even laugh at you for the way you look. He wouldn't want you to keep that when you have the opportunity to fix it."
There were now tears streaking down Pony's face. "Look little buddy, you don't have to fix it. It was a nice offer of Steve and Evie, but no one will force you to change your hair. If you want to leave it that's fine by me. But I don't want you to not change it because you think you'll forget Johnny if you do. You don't need to punish yourself for what happened. It's not your fault and keeping or changing your hair isn't going to change anything that's already happened, but it can help you heal from it. I will support you in whatever you decide though."
Ponyboy then took me by surprise as he flung his arms around me and buried his face in my chest. He started to cry then. Real tears. Like he was finally letting go of all the pain. I just rubbed his back and told him it would be alright. Finally he pulled away and looked right at me and gave the smallest grin I've ever seen, but it was the first one I've seen in weeks and I couldn't help but smile back at him. "Johnny would never believe that Steve of all people found a way to fix my hair." he said with a very small laugh.
I started laughing in return "who knew Steve has a heart. Guess he has to hanging out with Soda all that time. Maybe that brother of ours taught him a thing or two" I replied with a chuckle.
I stood up and pulled Ponyboy off the bed "come on. Let's let Evie do her magic" and with that we walked back out into the kitchen. Soda ran down the hall when he heard the door open and flung himself on Pony wrapping him up tight "you ok honey?" he asked.
"Yeah I'm ok. Let's bring back my tuff hair." he replied. Soda just gave his award winning smile and called out behind him "Evie darling! We will be needing your skills after all!"
We all sat at the kitchen table and Evie went to work. She was able to match Ponyboys hair color pretty well. She also trimmed it up so it was even and would grow in better. It was amazing how good it looked once she was done. Soda and I just grinned knowing our brother was looking back to normal.
He still has a lot of challenges and healing ahead of him. I'm nervous for what's to come, but I think I can handle it. We are still sure to fight and yell, but turns out I can do the loving approach as well. It wasn't as hard as I thought. Not when I love the kid so much. I mean how could I not? He is my kid after all.