"Morning, bonsai," Inuyasha says as he enters the kitchen, but the nickname doesn't have the same effect it usually does.
I've been up for ages, too anxious to sleep. I spent most of my morning on the roof, waiting for the sunrise and taking the smallest joy in the rays of sunlight cresting the horizon. Now, my fifth cup of coffee is sitting cold in front of me, and my fingers are buzzing from the amount of caffeine I've put in my body.
"Morning." I respond, lost in the milk swirling away in the mug as I spin my spoon in circles.
My experience with Shiori was great, but it left me on edge and drained, and I think it contributed to my trouble sleeping. Everything is front and center on my mind today, and the impending reiki training with Kaede is only fueling it further. Reiki, in the time I was with Koga, was forbidden. He hated anything having to do with it and wanted me to just give it up entirely to the point that he was willing to hurt me if I used it. Having people in my life who encourage it and fight to keep me safe around it, is so foreign. I can't shake the part of me that is screaming not to do it. That I'm not safe if I do. I reach inward for the edges of my power and immediately feel the sting of terror that pushes it back down.
"Coffee must be good if you're so invested in it," Inuyasha remarks, chuckling as he grabs a mug from the cabinet. I give a half-hearted laugh but don't look up from the cup.
"What's wrong?" He asks, abandoning his task to lean in and talk to me across the counter. His hand automatically goes to my shoulder to cover the mark I didn't even realize was hurting again. I shrug my shoulders in response, unsure how to talk to him about any of what I'm thinking.
"Come on now. I know you have words in that pretty head of yours." He says, tapping a finger to my forehead.
"I'm scared," I respond.
"Of?" He prompts.
"I don't know. This is just a lot. Talking to Shiori was stressful, reiki training is triggering, working from home soon makes me want to go drown in the bathtub." I say the words in a burst before sealing my lips again.
"Ooh." He says, grimacing like he has bad news. "I'm afraid drowning in the bath isn't on the agenda for the day. Sorry to ruin your plans." He says, and I laugh, a loud, surprised sound that makes my chest feel slightly warmer. "A smile! How did I get so lucky to be graced with a rare Kagome smile?" He asks, and his returned smile is warm like always. He somehow always finds a way to radiate the energy that I need.
"You're ridiculous." I laugh back at him, and I really am smiling for the first time today.
"Tell you what. You go do one hour with Kaede, and we'll plan an afternoon surprise for you. A send-off before you start work again. What do you say?" He asks.
"What kind of surprise?" I ask, eyes narrowing at him.
"It wouldn't be a surprise if we told you!" Sango says, walking into the kitchen with wet hair. I notice she leans into Inuyasha's side once she's next to him, and he lets his arm drape around her shoulders, not moving his other hand from where it rests against my skin.
Something hopeful flutters in my chest. I want them to be happy, and if they're happier together, that's even better. After everything they've done for me, I believe they deserve to enjoy life and find companionship. Watching them reminds me that I can find joy in other people's joy, and maybe that can be enough for me even if I never love again. I pull away from him to sip my cold coffee, allowing them their moment. It's bitter on my tongue and slides down my throat with an acrid kick.
Devoting your life to another person is scary. Giving up a part of yourself to make another happy isn't something I want to have to do again. But ultimately, that's the expectation, right? Sacrifice for love. Abandon people to prove yourself. Hope you'll continue to be protected and loved even if you fuck up. I can leave all that to other people and stay out of it. Just watching is enough.
"I guess I can do that." I finally agreed, glancing at the clock on my phone again. Kaede will be here in fifteen minutes. A surge of adrenaline courses through me, and I stand, too anxious to stay sitting.
"Don't stress about Kaede, she's great." Inuyasha offers.
"It's not about Kaede; I actually really like her so far. It's the reiki. What if I can't ever access it again? Or worse yet, what if I access too much at once and just explode?" My fingers find their way to my mouth, and before I realize it, I'm biting at the skin there until I draw blood again. I can't seem to stop myself from picking at my skin these days.
"First the bathtub, and now explosions? Kagome, I'm starting to think you just wanna ruin the property value of my house." Inuyasha says, throwing his hands in the air. He approaches me and pulls my hand into his to distract me from the biting. I snort a laugh, and his answering chuckle keeps the laughter running until I have to rest my head on his shoulder.
"Okay, okay. No property damage." I agree, shaking my head.
"Or Kagome damage!" He yells like it was the obvious issue here.
"What about a bathtub?" Sango asks, but we laugh harder, my smile hurting my cheeks.
Breakfast is nice today. The three of us sit around the table, talking and sharing company like we have so many other days, but today feels different. Today, I'm different. Despite my mounting anxiety over reiki and work, I feel at home here. I'm supported and loved in a way I don't know that I've experienced before in my life. My family was always so complicated growing up, and after my Dad died, things were never really the same. I feel like I've always been pushing through to the next day for my entire life. Waiting for it to get easier, and until now, easier, just never seemed to find me. As though reading my thoughts, Sango asks,
"Kagome, what do you think about seeing our families sometime soon? Mama, the boys, my mom, brother, and his girlfriend? Would that be a good distraction or a stressor?" Sango asks. I'm sure my face betrays my surprise, but I shake my head.
"Is it horrible that I've barely thought about them since I left K-" I almost say his name, but right now, I'm not in the space to even think about him. "Since I came here?" I amend.
"I don't think so. You've had a lot going on, and you've needed time to get yourself together. I've been texting them and keeping them updated anyway." She assures me. Her hand finds mine, and I hold it tight, pulling it close to my chest.
"Well, yeah. I guess I do want to see them. But I'm not ready to talk about all of this yet, not with them. I don't think I could make it through the conversation without having a panic attack." My eyes widen of their own accord as all the possibilities flood my mind.
What if they hate me, what if they cry, what if they go get themselves hurt trying to avenge me or something else stupid? My brothers aren't exactly even keel when it comes to me. Since dad died so young, we were all pretty close, and sometimes I feel like I was more of a second parent to them than a sister.
Can they keep it together around me when they hear about this? Mama has already been through so much; would she even be able to handle this? I find myself doubting that strongly. Ever since Dad died, she has had a hard time accepting the bad in life. She prefers to sweep things under the rug, not talk about it, because if it isn't right in front of you, it doesn't exist. Would this be the same, or would it break her? Sango squeezes the hand she's holding to pull me back to her.
"Hey, it's okay. How about I go talk with them before we even consider dinner? We can run through ground rules and prepare them so it isn't too overwhelming, and then you'll know they're ready." She offers, and I nod back aggressively.
"Okay?" I pause, my acquiescence sounding more like a question, "Are you sure? San, you've already done so much for me, and I have no idea how they will react to this." My guilt hangs heavy between us to the point that it almost feels like a physical presence in the room.
"Of course, I'm sure. If it would make you feel better then I'm happy to do that, and besides, your family is like my family. I can handle it." She smiles, and I nod back at her, still unsure. "What if I brought Inuyasha?" She asks. I look at him with a raised brow.
"I'd be happy to help." He assures me, and I can tell he means it.
"Yeah. Yeah, okay." I release a deep breath. "I think I can be okay with that. Thank you both for offering."
"Wouldn't have it any other way," Sango says.
Inuyasha was kind enough to offer his basement gym for Kaede and me to work on training to keep me somewhere familiar. We have a lot of open space down here and mirrors on the walls, so I can watch my body as I move and center myself. It sucks.
I don't look like the me in my head. I'm a frail imitation of the person I used to be, and the eyes that watch me in the mirrors aren't my own. I shift my gaze back to the floor, needing a distraction from my thoughts as I search in vain for access to a power that refuses to cooperate with me.
"Tell me, what prompted you to want to do this, Kagome?" She asks, and the question confuses me. We discussed this already.
"I had a dream about him where I couldn't use my reiki, and he hurt people I care about. I don't want to be defenseless." I explain again, sighing in exasperation. I don't want to have to keep admitting my own weakness.
"Exactly. That's your reason and your fuel. You want to protect the people you care about. Use that," she says, waiting for me to try again to call on my Reiki.
I reach for the power I know is hiding somewhere deep inside of me, but when I try to feel its edges, it slips through my metaphorical fingers yet again. It's hiding, and it runs from me every time I get close. "I can't do it." I sigh at Kaede, exasperated. She gives me a look heavy with pity from her place across from me, and rage rises in my chest. I try my best to push it down as she begins speaking again,
"Oh, you poor sweet thing. You've basically been defenseless all this time. And in a society full of demons who would love nothing more than to prey on a powerful Miko." Kaede says, clicking her tongue in disapproval. I press my palms to my eyes until I see spots.
"What's the fucking point of this," I yell, angry. I rise to my feet, feeling the need to pace to regulate some of the furious energy. "Why have these stupid powers if I can't even fucking protect myself. What's the point of them if they're just going to run and hide at my first big emotional breakdown? I don't get to run and hide! I have to live. I have to heal! And at the time when I need them most-" My voice is a screech echoing off the walls and glass of the mirrors. The sound ricochets back at me and hurts my ears, but screeching feels good. It feels like what I should have been doing this whole time.
Fury has washed over me like a warm shower. It's the biggest thing I've felt in so long. I pick up the nearby quiver of arrows Kaede said we will eventually be using to train with, and start throwing them at the wall with my bare hands. Screams and sobs tear through my throat as they embed themselves in the areas with exposed wood, and with every movement, I feel tension falling away from my body, channeled into the task at hand.
I lift an arrow into the air and drive it directly into the floor beneath me with such force that it splinters and cracks. Along with the arrow, a massive burst of power shudders through the room like a shockwave. The walls bang and clatter with the fore of it, and the floor buckles beneath me. So much for not causing property damage today.
"D-did." I stutter over the words as they catch in my throat, "Did I do that?" I ask, looking back at Kaede. That couldn't have been me. I'm not that powerful, am I?" She stares back with a patient smile.
"I knew you could do it." She says. "Reiki is connected to the flow of energy within our emotions. You were so overwhelmed with emotion that nothing could break through. Your anger focused everything to a pinpoint, and voila, reiki. And I'm willing to bet you feel much better, too, huh?" She asked, giving me a knowing look. I nod in agreement, feeling my body all the way down to my toes as though everything is connected. It's like I regained a grip on myself, even if tenuous.
"You know, in the past, many people thought priestesses needed to be virgins in order to wield reiki. This is so far from the truth. Reiki does not exist within you because you're 'pure.'" She put air quotes around the words. "But really, it's about emotional balance to access natural magic. Because the pressure on them was so overwhelmingly high, if they did forsake their oath, there would be a mental block stopping them from reaching their full potential." She explained, her voice as patient and caring as ever.
"This was a control tactic—a way to keep women firmly under the thumb of those who would wish to see them weak, those who would wish their power be used for their own gain. Do you understand what I'm telling you, Kagome?" she asks.
"I can't use my reiki because of my emotions?" I ask in answer, but she shakes her head.
"No, you can't use your reiki because someone didn't want you to. Someone wanted to break you down to your foundation and build you back in his image. Someone thought that he could use you for his own personal gain. This is all about power, dear, and I believe you can do so much more."
"What does that mean?" The words feel like a jumble in my brain. Like I tipped over a 3,000-piece jigsaw puzzle and started trying to sort the pieces alone.
"It just means that you need to find yourself again. I want to do this weekly if that is alright with you. Until then, please don't push yourself too hard. In time, this will all get better." She says, already packing up her things before she stops to rest a hand on my arm. "I think you've unlocked an important emotional block that will make channeling your Reiki a little easier. Stick with it, and remember that progress is anything but linear. Don't lose hope." She assures before leaving the room.
Anything but linear? That's less reassuring than you'd think. I don't want to revert; I don't want to be paralyzed again. I just want to be me, whoever that is.
Inuyasha"The botanical gardens have a package where you can take a plant home with you when you leave since they have a nursery on site. It's built into the price of the experience, so she'll get to pick whichever one she wants." Sango is talking a mile a minute as I pull out my phone and make a call.
"Hey Jinenji, It's Inuyasha. How ya doin', man?" I ask.
"Long time no talk, my friend. I'm well. It's been a while since I heard from you. What's up, how are you?" His baritone voice reverberates through the phone.
"Actually, I'm calling for a favor. There's this girl-" I start, and he cuts me off with a laugh.
"A new one? What happened to Sango? I really liked her!" A blush rises to my cheeks, and I look over to find Sango's smirk. She can definitely hear every word.
"Oh, um, yeah. Sango and I are still... friends?" I pause, clearing my throat at the awkwardness of not really knowing what to call her. "Sango and her friend recently started staying with me. She's been through hell, and she's a huge plant person, so we're trying to do something special for her." I offer the information, careful not to say too much.
"Always love to meet a fellow plant enthusiast! Maybe she can finally put your gorgeous greenhouse to good use. Someone has to." He jokes. He's always loved the greenhouse and hated that I just let it sit unused.
"That is exactly what we were thinking. What do you say? Can you squeeze in a private tour?" I ask.
"For you, absolutely. I have a slot open today at 2:00. She can get a look at the nursery, and I can throw in some extra plants since you said she's really been through it. Lunch on me, too." His sincerity leaves no room for argument. Jinenji has always been one of the gentlest souls I've ever met.
His time with the botanical garden has been long and storied. As a half-demon, he's been working there for decades upon decades. He was one of the first employees when they opened, and in the last hundred years he's been there, he officially took over ownership. He loves what he does.
"That would be awesome. Just let me know how much everything is and I'll get payment sent over to you today." I say in response.
"No payment necessary, man. I still owe from that time you saved me and my mom from that fire." He says, and I roll my eyes. Are we still on that?
"When are you gonna let that go, huh? It's been decades, Jinenji. You've spent enough time and money repaying me." No good deed goes unpunished, I guess. All I hear is his answering laugh on the other end of the line.
"See you at two, old friend." He says, and then disconnects the call.
"That went well," I say, turning to Sango with a beaming smile. Her watery smile surprises me.
"Thank you." She whispers the words, tears spilling over.
"Hey, no thanks needed. We're doin' everything we can, right?" I say; my thumb finds her cheek and rubs away a fallen tear.
"Not just for this. For everything. Thank you for being you," she says. Her smile is faint as she looks up at me with an expression I can't quite discern. I set down my coffee cup and pulled her off the bar stool she was sitting on and into a tight hug.
She wraps her arms around my neck and sags against me with all of her weight. I hold her upright and feel her body mold against mine. We fit together like two puzzle pieces; having her this close makes me never want to let her go. I bury my face into the crook of her neck and breathe her in.
We stay like that for a minute, just enjoying the closeness. I can feel tears dripping onto my T-shirt, so I rub her back soothingly. If she needs a shoulder to cry on, I will always be that shoulder.
"The botanical gardens? Really!" When we arrive, Kagome is bouncing excitedly on the balls of her feet. This is the most energy I've seen from her for anything in the short time that I've known her. Sango looks at her hopefully and grabs my hand, giving it a firm squeeze.
"Look at her!" She whispers with a huge smile. I look between the two of them and feel pride swell in my chest. Caring for them feels natural, and making them happy speaks to something protective inside me. It occurs to me that this could be what having a family would feel like. The situation with my parents and Sesshomaru never brought me warm fuzzy feelings, but Sango and Kagome? I could see myself in it for the long haul with them.
"Welcome!" Jinenji's booming voice pulls me from my thoughts. "My name is Jinenji; it's lovely to meet you." He says as he approaches slowly.
Jinenji is incredibly tall, topping out at 9ft. His features make him look 'other,' and many humans struggle with that. He is very aware of this, though, and does his best to keep himself small.
"I'm Kagome. It's great to meet you!" She bounds up to him and grasps his hand firmly. The look of shock on my face feels almost cartoonish. I was not expecting this very traumatized woman to be so open to the hulking half-demon in front of her. It's like I'm seeing glimpses of the person underneath. "I'm so excited to be here. Thank you for taking the time for us." She says with a genuine smile.
"My pleasure!" Jinenji beams.
"Sango." She introduces coming up around Kagome to offer her hand. Her other arm falls around Kagome's shoulders, and she presses in close as they start walking forward to follow him.
"So obviously, this is our lobby. Not too much to see here aside from the gift shop. Between you and me, I wouldn't buy anything from there unless you want it to be overpriced." He gives an easy laugh as he starts his spiel. "Once we head through these double towards the back of the room, we will be in the first patch of the garden. It starts with a rose path." He explains
The doors leading to the garden are huge and imposing. Passing through them feels like walking into another world. We walk into a massive open courtyard littered with roses in every direction. There's every color of the rainbow making up a giant spiral on the ground.
"We leave enough room between the flowers so that people can walk through the spiral to the middle. Roses are the flowers of lovers, so it's only fitting that lovers be able to enjoy them." He smiles and takes a step back so we can appraise them.
Kagome starts to walk the rose spiral with Sango and me in tow. I notice after a moment that she's holding her shoulder in a tight grip, knuckles turning white at the pressure. Without thinking, I move her hand away and press against it. She relaxes instantly, but it seems worse today than usual. The three of us follow the massive spiral maze of roses toward its center, with Kagome stopping every few feet to get closer to another rose variety that pulls her in. I watch as she folds her knees under her to smell a light pink bug low to the ground. She looks up at me from there,
"Come smell." She says, and the vision of her looking up at me on her knees does some unfortunate things to the darker parts of my mind. I push the thoughts away and drop down to oblige. I don't lean as far as she does, the smell of roses already permeating my sinuses from here.
"Oh, sorry. Forgot about your demon nose." She flinches away from me as she apologizes, and I can see the darkness creeping up in her eyes again.
"No apology needed. Thank you for sharing with me." I say as I look into her eyes. I fight for eye contact, knowing I need it to convince her that it's okay. She nods, and I immediately stand before reaching out to help her up. This is a foreign sensation, trying to convince someone they haven't upset you. The years I've been with Kikyo didn't lend itself to so much apologizing or regard for my feelings. I am constantly surprised by the things she pays attention to and perceives as problematic.
"So many roses. So little time to smell every single one." She says as we reach the center of the path.
"We can come back here every week so you can smell every single one if you want to. Whatever makes you happy, bonsai." I would come here every day if she asked for it. She shrugs off my comment like she doesn't believe me, and she probably doesn't, but I know it will take time for her to realize that she deserves the world.
The group moved forward and through several areas that held ponds, trees, flowers, and sculptures. There was a hedge maze at the center of the park that Kagome vehemently vetoed, and after a while, we were in a huge private greenhouse, wandering the shelves and shelves of baby plants. Or rather 'seedlings' and "plantlets," as Kagome kept reminding me, but baby plants sounded more fun. As I'm perusing, paying much less attention than Kagome and Sango, something lavender catches my eye.
"Hey Jinenji?" I question my friend who is letting us wander. "How much for this one?" I ask, pointing to a beautiful lilac-colored bonsai tree.
"Funny you should ask. That one is a propagation from a tree that we received courtesy of your foundation's donation. So, for you? Free." Jinenji winked at me.
"So I would just be taking back something that my family's money already paid for? Sounds like a scam on my end." I argue.
"Take it or leave it, buddy. Free or nothing." He crosses his arms over his chest. I'm about to argue again, but then I look over at the impossibly adorable woman to my right, who looks so happy and at ease in her element. I have to bring something back from here that will help her retain any piece of this spark.
"Deal," I say with a roll of my eyes and extend my hand to him. "While we're at it." I root around in my pockets for a moment, emerging with a piece of paper. "Do you think you could help me find all the plants on this list?" I ask. He takes it from me and looks it over, nodding his head while he glances at different shelves.
"Absolutely. No problem at all. I'm assuming this will be a secret?"
"You know it." My smile is halted by an unwelcome text message coming through on my watch.
Kikyo: I miss you.
I respond quickly, cutting her off before she can even begin. If she wants to talk then it'll be on my terms, and she won't be ruining this day.
Inuyasha: We need to talk. Text you later.
KagomeThe botanical gardens were exactly what I needed to feel human again. Walking through the roses sat somewhere between happy and sad in my mind. It felt like I couldn't get past the pain in my shoulder or the fear of making the wrong move at first. Inuyasha's house has felt like a safe cocoon where I didn't have to worry about the realities of the world. Now, being out in it again is a little overwhelming. Inuyasha and Sango's support helps me feel positive again so that I can focus on the excitement of sharing these experiences with them both.
The outside air is fresh and cool, nipping at my skin a bit. This is my favorite time of year, when the summer starts to fade and fall slowly introduces itself to the world again. There's something about the in-between that makes me feel at peace. When we make it to the plant nursery, I'm ready to burst out of my skin excitedly. I guarantee I spend too long looking at every plant, but Inuyasha and Sango don't seem to mind.
Inuyasha falls in stride with me as we walk toward lunch, and Sango starts talking to Jinenji about the legality of invasive plant species growing inside a botanical garden. As we cross the threshold of the very crowded central courtyard, a burn settles into my shoulder. At first, it's just like it typically is: painful but not overwhelming. Then the pain picks up and gets more and more intense, searing into my shoulder like a white-hot brand would indent into skin. My other hand flies up to hold it, and I stop dead in my tracks, unable to move or do anything aside from scream. When I yell out, everyone stops to look at me, but I can barely keep myself upright any longer.
"Are you okay?"
"What's wrong?"
"What happened?"
I hear their voices, muffled and far away, but all I can think, see, and feel is Koga. He has to be here. It's like his proximity is pulling at every nerve in my body. Suddenly, I look into Koga's eyes, but this isn't like when they haunt me. This time, he's too real, too close, too all-consuming. He's in front of me, tangling a hand in my hair to immobilize me down on the ground, standing above me, knowing he has the power here. I can't think. I can't move. I can't breathe.
"Time to come home, Kagome. I want what's mine." His voice is venom dripping from his tongue that transports me back to so many horrible times he sounded just like this. My mind settles on one memory.
I'm leaning over my couch with Koga's body pressed against mine to hold me in place. I feel his teeth against my skin and his yoki pushing its way into my body, marking me and laying its claim. Violating me with its unwelcome power. I'm fighting and screaming, and I can feel my blows land against something, anything I can reach beyond the memory. My hands brush against unyielding muscle, fighting for purchase against his too-strong body.
"You're mine, Kagome. You'll always be mine." His words echo in my ears over and over and over until they're all I am. How could I ever have thought I'd get away? The inevitability of his place in my life feels inescapable, and I despise it. Despise him. The hatred and anger I feel burn even hotter than the pain in my shoulder, and I explode with it, hoping maybe it will burn me to ash in its wake.
My reiki pushes out of me in waves that crumble me. The power feels too big and too out of my control, draining every ounce of strength I have as it surges toward him. It's simultaneously trying to rip me apart and stitch me back together, but I can't tell which of its desires will win. I long for cool, unassuming darkness, the embrace of nothing that will take all of this pain away.
Someone is holding me, and I don't fight against them. I can't. I'm too tired and heavy. I can't even lift my arms. I beg the dark to take me, but it resists, not ready for me yet, despite how badly I wish it were.
"Kagome. Look at me, please." It's Sango's panicked voice that cuts through the haze. Her hand is on my face, guiding my eyes to hers.
"Sango?" I ask. I blink my eyes a few times. We're sitting on the ground in the courtyard of the botanical garden. There is a crowd of people around us, but everything is quiet. I can hear the birds sing, and the sun beats down on my face. It's wrong. After everything I just experienced, the world should be in ruin, not going on as though I had no impact on it. Alas, here I am in the middle of a garden, surrounded by everything that brought me so much joy today, now giving me some of the worst emotional whiplash of my life.
I take in my immediate surroundings and see that Sango and I are encased inside of some kind of barrier I don't remember erecting. I look at her with questioning eyes, reaching out a hand to touch the energy and feeling it shudder under my fingers.
"Don't try to take it down yet; it's not safe." She doesn't tell me why, but I already know.
"He is here. That was real?" I ask, my voice is quiet. She doesn't answer but gives me a slight nod. "I knew I could feel him before he came for me," I say, hands holding my middle as deep panicked breaths rack me. He was here. He was here, and he tried to get to me.
"We knew we were taking a risk taking you out with the bond, but everything is okay. I had Kagura on standby, and she is taking care of it." She explains. We stay sitting inside of the bubble for several minutes until Inuyash and Jinenji return. Sango gets the all-clear, and as soon as the barrier comes down, I'm in Inuyasha's arms.
"You don't have to carry me," I argue, but I have no strength left in my body. If someone doesn't carry me, it will be a long walk back to the entrance.
"I'll put you down once we get home." He says, and his voice shakes behind the words. He's scared, and it's my fault.
"They took this so seriously," I say in disbelief at the dozen squad cars in the parking lot.
"Hell yeah, we did. This is an approved protection order for a violent malicious crime. We take those very seriously. This puts him in direct violation of the no-contact order, and he has no excuse since she's bonded. He knew exactly where she was, and he came here anyway." Kagura explains, appearing at our sides and looking me over before stepping away with Sango and Jinenji to talk about things I'd rather not hear in detail.
"Are you really going to hold me until we get home?" I ask Inuyasha, shaking in his arms as he laughs.
"Not if you don't want me to." He pulls me a little closer to him in protest of putting me down. I let out a long, dramatic sigh before snuggling into his chest and getting more comfortable. I close my eyes to the chaos around us and hear him purr low in his throat, a soothing sound that makes my eyes heavy and relaxes my exhausted body.
I don't realize I've fallen asleep until later, my eyes fluttering open to the backdrop of mine and Sango's bedroom. It's dark, and I'm alone. All I can see in my head is Koga's menacing blue eyes, filled with every intention of hurting everyone I care about.
"Sango? Inuyasha?" I yell out their names and quickly hear movement from somewhere before I hear two sets of feet run toward me.
"We're here!" They rush into the room, looking disheveled and wide-eyed. "Are you okay?" I take a deep breath and try to calm my racing heart.
"I'm okay, I'm sorry. I just woke up alone in the dark and..." I trail off, feeling a blush rise to my cheeks in embarrassment. I feel like a toddler calling out for her parents, and suddenly, the blanket wrapped around me is more interesting than their faces.
"It's okay. You don't have to be embarrassed. You've been through a lot, bonsai. Let us help." He says it gently.
"There's food for you on the kitchen counter. Wanna eat something?" Sango asks.
"Yeah, I'll go do that. I'm starving. Let me get myself together first. You guys go do-" I pause, appraising them, "Whatever it was you were doing." They head back toward the door.
"Hey, Sango?" I call out. She pauses as she shuts the door. "Your shirt's on backward," I say with a giggle. I'm safe again back in the cocoon, and the fear that was threatening to drown me today has abated. A new feeling settles in then, the suffocation of walls closing in around me. What a price to pay for safety.