Tomura wasn't sure what happened. His recruitment attempt had gone wrong, leading to Stain's knife heading for his neck. The next moment, Stain flew backwards, pinned to the wall.

From the doorway, All for One spoke with cool amusement: "Boys, play nice."

Tomura got to his feet. His sensei must have used a power to pin the Hero Killer. It was satisfying to see. Stain thrashed and struggled against invisible bonds holding him to the wall. He spat out, "You monster! I'll kill you so that All Might doesn't have to sully his hands."

All for One applauded. "That's no way to speak to your father, but I give you points for a decently dramatic monologue."

"Father?" Tomura nearly fell over. "Sensei, do you have something to tell me?"

Stain grumbled, "I have no father."

"That's my Star Wars copycat line," All for One said cheerfully. "I'm the one who was created by quirks or something like that. You, I created the old-fashioned way. Just ask your mother."

"Silence!" Stain shrieked, trying to cover his ears. The quirk bonds held him in place. His face turned crimson.

"This feels like some weird DLC that ruins canon," Tomura muttered. He was in the very odd position of feeling sympathy for Stain. He, too, wished he had no father. Although All for One had taken him in, his biggest strength as a parent was being hands-off. Concealing a son, though—that was messed up. Tomura raised his voice. "Sensei, why did you never tell me?"

All for One admitted, "I didn't want you to follow in your older brother's footsteps and become an All Might fan." He shuddered.

Tomura turned to Stain. "Why do you admire All Might, noseless? He's the family enemy."

Spittle flew as Stain cried, "All Might is the only true hero! The modern heroes have become obsessed with money. In the comic books, heroes never get paid."

"I knew it was a mistake to raise you on comic books like me and Yoichi." All for One shrugged. "But I did it anyway because parenting is too much work."

Stain said, "I also admire All Might because he's the hero most likely to murder my father for me."

"Valid." Tomura nodded at a fellow patricide fan. It was weird how his sympathy for Stain just kept increasing, even after the murder attempt.

All for One groaned. "Must every One for All holder steal my relatives?"

Stain bristled. "All Might doesn't steal, unlike you. He's the perfect hero—"

"His hair is the stupidest thing in existence!" All for One retorted. "And he only has a quirk because he stole it from me."

His head hurting from too much All Might talk, Tomura quietly snuck out the door while they shouted at each other. Thank goodness he hadn't turned out as weird as those two, he thought as he adjusted the severed hand on his head.

OMAKE TIME!

Omake: Giving the Author Ideas

Yoichi: Nephew, I hate your ideals, your mission, and your hypocrisy. But at least you're an All Might fan.

Stain: I also hate All for One.

Yoichi: That, too. You even tried to kill your brother. You're not the worst relative I could have gotten in this series.

Stain: Who would be the worst?

Yoichi: Garaki.

#

Omake: He Comes by it Honestly

All for One: My son had a rebellious phase in his teens.

Stain: Someone must be dyed in blood.

All for One: Several decades later, he still hasn't left his edgelord phase. One of these days he'll grow out of it.

Yoichi: I dunno, big brother, your edgelord phase has lasted a few centuries.

#

Omake: All for One's Bad Parenting

All for One: My brother and I learned everything we knew from comic books and I turned out great, so I raised my son the same way.

Stain: It's necessary to kill villains because otherwise they all escape from jail. Just think about how many lives Batman would have saved by killing the Joker. I don't feel guilty about killing heroes because true heroes always come back from the dead a few books later.

All for One: However, it turned out to be a mistake to let my son think that comic books are reality. So I raised my adopted child on video games instead.

Tomura: Give me some Nomu so that I can increase my experience points killing NPCs. Then I'll level up, right?

All for One: Maybe I'll raise the next kid on snuff films.

#

Omake: If Stain and Tomura were Raised Together

Tomura: What happened to my severed hands collection?

Stain: I threw them in a dumpster. You started it by decaying my All Might merch.

All for One: Boys, stop trying to kill each other or you're both going into the vault.

#

Omake: Revenge Served Cold

All for One: All Might, I've corrupted Nana Shimura's grandson to get revenge on you for stealing my son.

All Might: I knew young Midoriya looked like you.

All for One: No, my son is Chizome Akaguro.

All Might: Who?

All for One: The Hero Killer!

All Might: I've never even met your son, and he's a villain. What's your problem? This is a disproportionate revenge when I never even converted your child to heroism. We'd only be even if Tomura became a hero who hates me.

Tomura: He's got a point, I'm joining the hero side.

#

Omake: In Tartarus

All for One: Son, we ended up in the same prison.

Stain: Please, no.

All for One: It's like we're vaulted together.

Stain: I demand a transfer! This is cruel and unusual punishment!

#

Omake: Competition

Stain: More people know about you than me now, Dad.

All for One: It's called waiting for a dramatic moment to reveal myself, a time-honored literary trope.

Stain: I have cooler scars than you too.

All for One: I'll give you that one. You'll never catch me looking so ugly!

Tartarus Guards: Would you please shut up? We all want transfers.

Author's Note: Thank you to Gfan97 for brainstorming with me about how to screw with Stain and the last omake. The Shigaraki family is such a dysfunctional mess no matter the AU.