I feel bad about skipping the Zuko Alone episode, so I decided to add this small chapter while I work on the next one. Enjoy!
Chapter 31: Honor
Third Person POV
Gripping the reins of the ostrich-horse that had yet to be named, Zuko stared at the mountainous terrain in dismay. For the last few hours he had been following the tracks of a large Fire Nation war machine. He had heard word from some terrified travelers on the road that his sister Azula was in the area; that she acquired some new technology and some companions to travel with; and that she was after the Avatar and a certain dual-bender. He could see the deep tracks in the dirt were moving alongside a line of familiar white fur which he knew belonged to the Avatar's giant flying sky-bison. Zuko hoped if he followed the Fire Nation tank's tracks that he would be led straight to the boy.
He also was hopeful he would see Amara again too… Although, he was aware once she realized his plans that she would not be happy with him. He was certain she had come to care greatly for the young airbender during her travels with her Water Tribe family; he would upset her greatly by trying to apprehend the boy.
Zuko sighed heavily. He had been conflicted for the last twenty-four hours. His thoughts were a mess. While he wanted nothing more than to find the Avatar, he also didn't want to upset Amara.
In addition, he missed his uncle more than ever. He felt hated in the Earth Kingdom, and alone… When an Earth Kingdom boy named Lee and his mother Sela learned about Zuko's true identity the other day at the small farming town, they immediately showed him nothing but spite. Even after saving Lee from some rogue Earth Kingdom soldiers, they still kicked him out of town. Of course, he didn't blame them… He was their enemy… But it still hurt.
He knew if Iroh had been with him then the man would've comforted him. Iroh had been his only solace since the North Pole… His guide… He wished he hadn't been stubborn and left the man. But his uncle had just been messing with his head so much during their time in the Earth Kingdom, and he was scared he would start to listen to Iroh…
He feared that he would give up his quest for the Avatar...
Zuko recalled the last conversation he had with his uncle, just a few hours before he made the decision to go his separate way. He knew his uncle had only meant well…
Iroh walked into the cave and noticed the new teapot and teacups that Zuko had 'acquired' for them. He spoke with suspicion, knowing his nephew had been stealing often in the last few days. The ostrich-horse they had taken from Song and her mother had only been the beginning.
"Looks like you did some serious shopping. But where did you get the money?"
Zuko sat against the cave wall, avoiding his uncle's gaze. He wasn't proud of his life of thievery as the Blue Spirit, but he was so tired of having nothing. No ship or crew… no home… no friends…
"Do you like your new teapot?"
Iroh sighed. "To be honest with you, the best tea tastes delicious whether it comes in a porcelain pot or a tin cup." He walked over and sat beside Zuko with understanding. "I know we've had some difficult times lately. We've had to struggle just to get by." He placed a hand on Zuko's shoulder. "But it's nothing to be ashamed of. There is a simple honor in poverty."
Zuko grit his teeth. His eyes burned. "There's no honor for me without the Avatar."
"Zuko…" Iroh spoke again, and then sighed once more. "Even if you did capture the Avatar, I'm not so sure it would solve our problems. Not now."
Iroh's words made Zuko's heart heavy with loss. "Then there is no hope at all."
He went to get up, but his uncle grabbed both of his shoulders to stop him. "No, Zuko! You must never give in to despair. Allow yourself to slip down that road and you surrender to your lowest instincts. In the darkest times, hope is something you give yourself. That is the meaning of inner strength."
He released Zuko and then sat back against the cave wall himself.
"Think about Amara…" He spoke again, his tone saddened as he thought about the girl that had become a daughter to him. "That child lived through very dark times before and after her mother was killed… Her hope kept her strong though. She hoped every day that she would be free and meet her Water Tribe family. If she did not have hope in her darkest times, she would've given in to her despair… However, she overcame the darkness and finally accomplished what her heart longed for. The most important thing you can do for yourself right now is to not lose that hope. Then you will accomplish what you desire one day."
Zuko's heart twisted at the mention of Amara. He looked down at the ribbon on his wrist again.
Iroh noticed the uncertainty that shot across his nephew's face. "I also wonder… Is it the Avatar you truly desire, or something else?"
Zuko shut his eyes. He dropped his fist on his lap. "My only desire is to find that kid and bring him to my father… Capturing the Avatar is the only way I can ever earn back my honor."
Iroh argued. "Honor can be earned in many ways, Prince Zuko…"
"Not for me," he muttered. "I'm going for a walk."
He stood and walked away then. However, his hand wrapped around the wrist where the blue ribbon was tied. His uncle was getting into his head… There was a part of him that wanted to capture the Avatar and go home. Then there was another part of him that wanted to just find and be with Amara… He missed her so much…
He crossed his arms with a sigh. He couldn't believe a beautiful blue-eyed girl had him doubting what he once desired for three years...
After leaving his uncle to go on his own journey through the Earth Kingdom, Zuko had pondered over many things due to Iroh's words.
He thought about his childhood. He remembered a time when his mom was with him and he was happy. He remembered her kindness and love. Her tender heart for those less fortunate. He remembered her protective nature and concern for her children. Those were the light days...
He then recalled the dark days: The days after his mom vanished. He had felt alone and scared. His father was cruel to him, expecting him to be a perfect prince and disciplining him when he was not. He remembered Azula blaming him constantly for their mother being gone, telling him if he had never been born, or had just been killed like Fire Lord Azulon had ordered, then their mom's disappearance would've never happened.
He then remembered the darkest day of all... the day he spoke out at the war meeting. He had been against the novice recruits being sent to lure Earth Kingdom soldiers into a trap, knowing that the decoys would be slaughtered. He had angered his father when he spoke out against the General's cruel plan. He recalled the moment Fire Lord Ozai burned him during the Agni Kai and banished him from the Fire Nation. He had shown weakness to his father for caring about the lives of others, and refusing to fight his father on the dueling stage. He was punished for his tender heart.
Then he thought about his three years at sea, traveling through enemy territory to look for an Avatar no one had seen for a hundred years. If his uncle hadn't been with him then the adventure would've been one of great solitude. However, his uncle sacrificed the comforts of the palace to accompany Zuko on his endless quest. While the time had once been dark to Zuko, he looked back and realized there was light… His uncle had been there for him when no one else was. His uncle had guided him, trained him, and comforted him. Iroh had been his savior all along, and he had never thanked the man. Zuko owed so much to his uncle. Yet, he had turned his back on Iroh and left him alone in the wilderness; he felt ashamed for doing so.
His uncle was a good man. Iroh deserved all the honor in the world compared to Zuko. The retired General had saved both Zuko and Amara from their darkest days...
Zuko gripped the reins tighter. Amara…
He pictured the sixteen year old girl that he dreamed about often. He could remember the first time he met her… she had been so weak. Before they had arrived at the harbor, Zhao had just beaten her severely for trying to escape. Her whole upper body had been covered by bandages after Physician Ju mended her, and she barely looked alive when the guards had carried her to her room on the ship. Zuko had not seen the marks to their full extent, but from the way the bandages had been stained with blood, he could only assume that her flesh had been greatly damaged. He was certain scars decorated her back. She had been in so much pain… and so scared…
He was so glad he was able to help her heal in the first few weeks of her freedom… he had enjoyed having her with him more than she would ever know…
He recalled how every time Amara had been with him on the ship, he would become distracted from his mission. He was aware that he needed to keep focused on finding the Avatar, but Amara had made him want to do other things. He had wanted to walk with her in the forest. He had wanted to show her wild-flowers, and teach her about different types of plants and animals. He had wanted to help her learn to read and write... to listen to her cute animal sounds… To hear her laugh and see her smile.
His mission had become so blurred the times he was with the beautiful teen. There were small moments where he had thought he could just be happy with her; moments where he no longer wanted to please his father. However, he would shake the thought away quickly. He wanted his honor and his throne. He was certain he could please his father and one day be with the girl he loved. Once he became Fire Lord in the future, he would fix everything…
The ostrich-horse grunted, bringing Zuko out of his thoughts again. He returned focus to the tracks ahead. He had to find the Avatar and restore his honor.
However, he swore to himself that he would only capture the boy. He would let Amara and her family go…
As much as he wanted Amara to be with him, he knew he could never ask her to leave her family. He wouldn't be able to take her away from them…
Part of him hoped she would decide to be with him, but he knew that would never happen: Once he captured the Avatar, he would only be an enemy to her. And she would never leave her family for him… she had spent too long trying to find them to leave them.
He would have to find the strength to let her go in order to fulfill his mission…
The only path he saw before him was the Avatar… he had to capture the Avatar and restore his honor. He needed to go back to the Fire Nation… His home was in the Fire Nation… His birthright was waiting for him.
His heart though… His heart yearned for something else…
His eyes shot to the blue ribbon again. He let out a deep breath. He was so conflicted.
The ostrich-horse slowed, and he realized his grip on the reins had loosened. He returned focus again to the path ahead, tightening his hold to move the creature along. While he was not certain what would happen once he caught up to his sister, he knew one thing for sure: Azula was not getting the Avatar or Amara.
He would not let his sister win. The Avatar was his mission.
And he definitely would not let Azula hurt the girl he loved.