AITA for not feeling attracted to my boyfriend? I know I'm hurting his feelings and despite what he says, I have heard of emotions and do possess more feelings than just "wakey-wakey" and "fighty-fighty."

This all started because we were out shopping on some island and the idiot cook was flirting and spouting off a bunch of compliments. You know the drill.

"Are you friends with Nami? Because you got my interest."

"You just collected the bounty on my heart."

"I can see the All Blue in your eyes." (How cheesy can you get? Seriously, every blue-eyed chick has probably heard that pick up line a thousand different times.)

So, my dumb ass boyfriend is doing his dumb ass flirting with some woman selling, I don't know, asparagus or cucumbers, something long, green and pointy, when another woman turns around and thanks him.

Shit cook's jaw drops and his cigarette falls to the ground. (Good. It's a stupid habit. We have this agreement to let each other have one vice. He gets to smoke. I get to drink. But at least sake is hydrating. Smoking is dehydrating, you know, for the lungs.)

He tells the lady, "Oh, I was actually - nevermind. Umm, sure. You're welcome." The shit was embarrassing to witness. My boyfriend looked like someone just kneed him in the balls. The old lady realizes he didn't mean her and she gets super red in the face. The girl he was trying to flirt with is backing away slowly and pulling down the shade to her store.

Next, the old lady starts swearing at my boyfriend, asking him if he thinks she is too ugly to pay compliments to.

He tries to backtrack but the old broad isn't having any of it. She starts muttering under her breath and drawing in the dirt with her finger. Then she says something weird like "Bippity boppity boo, you are now two!"

At this point, I'm looking around for this lady's nurse, thinking she must have escaped from some hospital, but I don't see anyone with a syringe or a fancy backwards jacket. I totally didn't think she had some weird devil fruit.

Apparently, I was dead wrong because my stupid boyfriend let out a scream and a cloud of dirt or magic, I don't know which one, swirled all around him.

When it was finally gone, he was there except now my boyfriend was a toddler and the old lady had skedaddled. Did I mention she had on running shoes? Very cool, I think they were the latest drop from Kuzan.

Lucky for the shit cook I have experience babysitting. I was put on kid duty because the witch said it would help us "bond" and show my boyfriend that I was a dependable partner.

(Rude. I am the most fucking dependable person on the crew. I don't need to prove anything to anyone. But, you know, whatever.) Then Chopper asked me and fuck me if I can say no to him, especially after he gave me that hug and said please.

Shit cook was stuck being a little one for about a week. Days ran into nights.

The kid caught the Mushi Pox and was pretty fucking miserable. I gave him a bunch of baths with oatmeal and put some pink lotion on him that Chopper mixed up. Every damn time, Luffy tried to drink the bathwater and every damn time I had to boot his stupid ass out of our bathroom while making sure shit cook didn't drown himself.

When he came out of it, he tried to pretend like nothing happened.

But I spent the week making him drink his juice to keep down his fever, carrying him around the deck at night trying to get him to go to sleep, and yelling at everyone to be quiet when he finally did nap. My favorite white t-shirt was covered in drool, juice, and pink stains the entire time he was a baby kid.

The last couple of nights he's been giving me the wiggly eyebrows and shaking his head towards the storeroom (That's where we get down to business, if you catch my meaning. You know, where we do the sex.)

But, hell man. Every time I even think about kissing him or doing anything else sexy, I get full on seasick. I got toddler cook stuck in my head. I don't want to break up with him. I can do the whole monk thing and we can be boyfriends without benefits, but I don't think he's going to go for that. He really, really likes sex. Maybe even more than cigarettes.

I've tried meditating on it but every damn time I keep finding myself in some weird ass cloud maze I can't slice my way out of.

AITA for not feeling attracted like that to my boyfriend anymore?

SeaQueen • 02/26/2017

NTA. my good friend, but i need to address a few things with you.

one, you said you and your boy each were allowed one vice. well, i think your bf has two vices - smoking and flirting with women. you got some leverage to ask him to drop one or to cut each of his bad habits in half. think abt it.

two, you sound like a sweetie pie. i hope your bf buys you those Kuzans for taking such good care of him when he was just a baby boy.

three, cut yourself some slack. it's only been like, what, a week? just start doing non-sexy time stuff together. like, you know, other adult stuff. doing the dishes together or going out to a nice restaurant or working on a crossword puzzle. whatever. just get used to being around the adult version of your "shit cook" again.

four, tell me the truth. did his dumb ass pick up lines work on you? i bet they did, you big cornball.

best of luck! i'm rooting for you!

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