Jane stood on a small, round platform in front of a three-sided mirror. She turned first to her left, then her right, then ran her hands down the sides of the charcoal grey suit jacket she was wearing.
It looked pretty good, she had to admit.
It was actually a men's suit, which had initially thrown Jane for a loop. She hadn't known that Maura requested a selection of both women's and men's suits, and she'd initially balked at the idea. While she was no stranger to buying things from the men's section, they were usually things like baseball jerseys or tube socks or deodorant. A suit felt like uncharted lesbian territory and she had been certain she was going to look ridiculous, like when she used to sneak into her parents room and put on her father's church suit when she was ten.
She started off by trying on a few of the women's suits that had been pulled for until finally, at Maura's insistence, Jane had tried on one of the men's suits in a slim fit. Truth be told, the differences weren't that extreme. The jacket was longer and the pockets were actually useful. She paired it with a drapey, soft silk blouse of Maura's choosing and Jane had to admit it looked pretty slick. She felt comfortable. It had taken a few outfit changes but Jane was finally starting to relax, surely aided by the glass of champagne she'd downed in two long gulps.
When they'd first arrived, Jane had immediately felt like she was in over her head. The boutique was tucked in the back of a larger store, its ornate door unmarked by a name or any other indication it was open to the public. Which it wasn't, actually, as Jane soon discovered. It was an appointment-only type of situation, surely one of the many closely-guarded secrets the Boston Brahmins kept from Jane and all the rest of the commoners.
They'd stepped inside and Maura had been greeted so familiarly, was so poised and at ease, and it had reminded Jane that a workplace was one of the few things the two of them really had in common. Right away the whole thing activated Jane's fight or flight and since she wasn't about to punch Marcus, the very nice sales associate who welcomed them in, she went with flight. Maura's shockingly strong grip on Jane's arm was the only thing that kept Jane from bolting back out and down Newbury Street.
So Jane had stayed, even though she didn't belong there and even though she felt that in her bones. She'd stayed and Marcus had rolled in a rack of beautiful clothes, and in the end Jane really had to hand it to the suits. Turns out sometimes you really did get what you paid for, even though she was, as instructed, studiously avoiding finding out exactly what 'what you paid for' was. Fortunately for her, this place was so fancy the clothes didn't even have price tags and each suit she tried on replaced the previous one as the nicest thing she'd ever had wrapped around her body.
Jane flicked her eyes over to where she could see Maura's reflection in the mirror and grinned to herself.
Well. The nicest inanimate thing she'd ever had wrapped around her body.
The actual nicest thing was distracted for the moment, having just answered a call from Susie Chang, and so Jane took a moment to appreciate the view. Maura was seated a few feet behind Jane in a plush leather chair, legs crossed above the knee, and she wore a red dress that Jane didn't have the fashion wherewithal to describe beyond 'so hot' and 'but in a classy way.' At work Maura had paired it with a blazer but had since left it in the car and now her toned, bare arms were on display. She held a champagne flute in one hand, the stem of the glass pinched delicately between thumb and forefinger, forearm resting along the arm rest of the chair. Her other hand held her phone and she listened intently as Susie relayed the results of some preliminary tests in the crime lab. She was beautiful. It hit Jane like a cement truck every time.
The backdrop around Maura looked more like some rich old man's study than the backroom of a store. All the leather was rich and worn in that old money kind of way, and all the wood was mahogany, or at least Jane assumed it was. Maybe wealthy people had another dark, reddish-brown wood she was too poor to know about. Either way, something about the juxtaposition of Maura in this masculine space was really doing it for Jane. All that grace and elegance surrounded by such dark colours and heavy furniture made Maura seem that much more delicate and refined. Jane noted that it was not unlike the effect of the wristwatches Maura favoured, considerably heavier and larger faced than Jane's.
Jane had never been quite sure why she liked seeing those big watches on Maura's slender wrists so much, but suddenly it all made sense. They were a stylish, masculine touch but ultimately highlighted how feminine Maura was. Jane looked back at herself in the mirror, in her sharp suit and soft blouse, and realized that Maura had done something similar to her on a different scale.
The next time Jane glanced over at Maura's reflection, Maura was looking back and smiling. She was still on the phone but she lifted her champagne glass in the air and moved it in a slow circle, indicating that Jane should turn around. Jane spun slowly on her heels and felt herself go a little red as Maura's eyes raked over her entire body before settling on her face.
"Thank you, Susie," she said, still focused on Jane. She ended the call and slipped her phone back into her purse and leaned back, looking at Jane with considerable satisfaction. "That one's very nice. I told you it would look good with the blouse."
"Yeah, yeah," Jane said playfully and held her arms out in front of her, looking at the length of her sleeves. They were a little longer than they should be but only barely. "It's a pretty good fit, I gotta say."
"Yes, you'll need only minimal tailoring." Maura examined her appraisingly. "The shoulders are just right, the waist of the jacket needs to be taken in. The trousers are nearly perfect." Maura sighed and it was almost wistful. "It's absurd, really, how you're built. You could walk runway for practically any designer, men's or women's."
That felt patently ridiculous and Jane wanted to argue but it felt like a bit of a lost cause when the suit fit as well as it did. She turned around to look at her reflection one more time before she carefully shrugged out of the suit jacket.
"What'd Chang have to say?" Jane asked
"For one thing, the dirt on his palms and on the legs of his pants is a match for the soil where he was found."
Jane had been reaching for a hanger for the suit jacket, but instead turned back to Maura with an arched brow. "So he died where we found him? At some point he was on his hands and knees, alive, in those bushes?"
"It would appear so," Maura said. She brought the champagne flute to her lips and tipped it back, draining the last of it and setting her glass down on a side table.
"That's weird, right?" Jane resumed her task and hung up the jacket. "If they just let him wander into the park it explains why they weren't worried about being seen in such a high traffic area, but what if someone had found him before he died?"
Maura stood up and walked to the platform on which Jane stood, wearing her thinking face on the way over. "He might have appeared intoxicated. Symptoms of cerebral edema include vomiting, dizziness, an overall altered mental state. Maybe someone saw him and just didn't care. It certainly wouldn't be the first time people gave a drunk in the Common a wide berth. Plus, fully absent a liver, whoever did this could have easily had the requisite medical knowledge to know that even if he were helped he wouldn't survive long enough to be put on dialysis."
"Ugh, it's all so bizarre," Jane said, shaking her head. "What next?"
Maura sighed. "Jane, I told you I think it's too early to suspect there's a pattern."
Jane grinned. "No, Maur. The clothes."
"Oh!" Maura turned slightly to appraise the remaining selections. "You should try the Yves Saint Laurent."
Jane looked helplessly to the rack of suits, trying to follow Maura's gaze to the one in question. Thankfully, she was shown pity.
"The double-breasted tuxedo jacket, black, third one from the end," Maura supplied.
Jane found it on the hanger and looked at it with a degree of scepticism. Double-breasted suits made her think of mafiosos and stuffy old British men. She fingered the lapel of the jacket gingerly, but didn't yet remove it from the rack.
"What shirt should I wear with it?"
"No shirt."
"What?" Jane shot a glance over at Maura. "Just in my bra?"
"Of course not," Maura said dismissively. "No bra either." Jane made a scandalized face and Maura rolled her eyes. "It's going to expose as much of your décolletage as that black dress your mother made you get, I promise. Just try it."
"I'm not sure I want my decoupage exposed at all." Jane looked down at the tuxedo jacket and then over to the door that led to the rest of the store.
"Don't worry," Maura said, and Jane could tell by her gentle tone of voice that the other woman knew she was about to get what she wanted. "Marcus won't come in unless we ring for him."
"I don't really wear my jackets done up," Jane hedged, but she was already unbuttoning her blouse.
Maura shrugged. "You don't have to button up this one either but in that case we should probably get some double-sided body tape."
"Hilarious," Jane deadpanned and slipped out of her shirt, dropping it into Maura's waiting hand.
"Not even remotely joking." Maura's tone was matter-of-fact but her eyes gleamed as they roamed across Jane's exposed torso before looking back up at her. Jane could feel a heat creep up her neck.
She felt hot. Not physically warm, although a little bit that too. She felt attractive under Maura's intense gaze and it was a welcome feeling. Jane wasn't oblivious, of course. She knew she was no slouch in the looks department. But the roadmap of bad luck and poor decisions and gut reactions that were the scars all over her body had a way of cutting into her self-esteem. None of it mattered when Maura looked at her. When Maura's eyes returned to find hers, Jane reached behind herself and unclasped her bra, allowing it to fall to the floor.
With Jane still standing on the platform, it put her breasts directly at eye level for Maura. To her credit, Maura resolutely held Jane's gaze for a long moment before her eyes finally lowered to her chest. Jane watched as Maura's pupils darkened and she canted forward just slightly before she caught herself, shook her head, and glanced back up at Jane with an exasperated look. "Put on the jacket," Maura said crisply before bending over to collect Jane's bra from the ground. "And don't forget the pants."
"Ohh, I almost had you. Don't pretend." Jane grinned as she unbuttoned the dark grey slacks that went with the previous suit and shimmied out of them. Maura made a big show of looking elsewhere, pouring herself another glass of champagne and taking a healthy sip of it. Jane scoffed loudly as she hopped into the tuxedo pants and then pulled on the jacket, fiddling briefly with the buttons. Her misgivings about the jacket melted away when she looked up and saw herself in the mirror.
"Oh wow," Jane whispered.
Maura very nearly materialized beside her, her whole face glowing as she took Jane in. "You look incredible," she said breathlessly.
Jane looked from Maura back to the mirror, fidgeting with the buttons on the jacket. She looked…like someone else. The fit of the jacket was nearly perfect and Maura had been right, with the buttons done up the amount of chest exposed was entirely tasteful, barely more than what was revealed by her mostly unbuttoned work shirts and undershirts. But she looked rich and fancy and sophisticated and somehow that was making her feel self-conscious. She took a deep breath, trying not to fidget. "I don't know, Maura. It feels a little outside my comfort zone."
"Oh no." Maura placed her hand against Jane's arm, running her fingertips all the way down the sleeve. "Please, Jane. It suits you so well. I've always wanted to wear something similar myself but it doesn't look quite as…refined…on me."
Jane turned to look at Maura and nodded sagely. "Because of your big boobs," she said, overly serious, as she looked down at Maura's chest with feigned sympathy.
Maura's enraptured expression was replaced with a withering look. "You're suddenly dangerously close to not being allowed to see them later."
"Not a boobs fan?" Jane hopped down from the platform and reached for Maura's hand, pulling her in towards herself.
"Not of the word, no." Maura's voice dropped down to a murmur as she found herself pressed against Jane. They were perfectly eye-to-eye, with Jane in bare feet and Maura in heels. Jane quite liked their usual height difference, but this was a nice change of pace. She plucked the champagne flute from Maura's other hand and placed it on the nearby side table. Freed of their glass-holding responsibility, Maura's fingers took hold of the buttons of the tuxedo jacket instead. Jane nuzzled in against Maura's cheek.
"Because of your big breasts, then," Jane amended solemnly, pulling back enough to see Maura's face scrunched up in displeasure.
"Please stop talking," Maura said.
"Okay."
Jane kissed her instead. Slowly, lovingly. Purposefully. Despite the fact that, in retrospect, they'd been hurtling towards this for years, it still felt like a kind of happy accident that Jane was allowed to do this, like it was some clerical error or software glitch that'd given Jane access somewhere she wasn't supposed to have it. Every time they kissed Jane put her whole heart into it because it felt like if she sat down and actually crunched the numbers the miscalculation would reveal itself. There was no way they could add up to wet, languorous kisses, to Maura undoing Jane's jacket and slipping her hand in, fingertips still cool from holding the champagne. No, it seemed obvious to Jane that there had been a mistake, surely a one that didn't get carried, because how could the sum total of every stupid thing Jane had ever said or done amount to this woman parting her lips and her legs for Jane on a daily basis.
"I have to ring for Marcus," Maura said against Jane's mouth and Jane groaned in dismay. Maura nipped lightly at Jane's lower lip but was undeterred, slipping her arms from around Jane's waist to do the jacket back up. "He needs to come back to figure out what alterations need to be done."
"What's the hurry?" Jane asked rhetorically, voice low, and stepped forward right as Maura began to retreat. She paused when she saw a strange look on Maura's face. "Wait, what is the hurry?"
"It's not a hurry, I just…I have a fundraiser I'm attending next week. I'd like you to come with me." Maura held Jane's gaze steadily but it felt forced. Jane's gut did its gut thing.
"You're nervous," Jane said plainly, watching Maura carefully. "Why are you nervous about it?"
Some part of Jane worried she was nervous about her, that Maura was anxious about bringing Jane as her date. Logically, knowing Maura as she did at this point, Jane knew she shouldn't even consider that possibility. She'd been to so many of these events already with Maura, but something gnawed in the pit of her stomach, some insecure little beast suddenly wondering if the expensive clothes were meant to obfuscate Jane's background from all of Maura's wealthy and educated acquaintances. The fact that it was taking Maura a long time to answer wasn't helping. Maura stalled when she was trying to get around her inability to lie.
"I am nervous," Maura said evenly. "It's for a very impressive medical aid organization and I'm nervous to meet the founder. She's very accomplished."
Jane couldn't help it. She knew it would broadcast to Maura that she thought she might be lying, but she still looked down at Maura's neck. No hives. Maura didn't look offended when Jane looked back up.
"You're very accomplished," Jane said, still suspicious.
"Thank you," Maura said, a little faintly, and before Jane could question her further Maura had slipped away and pressed the buzzer that would call Marcus back into the room. It was barely a moment before the sales associate was knocking and entering and beginning an animated conversation with Maura. Jane was quickly herded back up onto the podium in front of the mirrors. Measuring tape was brought out and Maura and Marcus began a discussion on whether the trousers on the grey suit should or should not have a break in them, whatever that meant. Sensing that she was completely unnecessary to their conversation except in her role as mannequin, Jane allowed them to poke and prod and manipulate her body however they needed, changed in and out of the clothes as they required, and zoned out to ponder Maura's weird reaction some more.
It wasn't unusual for Maura to be nervous about a scheduled social event. One of the reasons Jane even started attending these functions with her was because she could do some of the heavy lifting when it came to small talk and responding to social cues. Even when Jane was a little embarrassing it served to take the focus of Maura, which the doctor appreciated. But something about Maura's reaction felt different than her typical social anxiety.
Jane snapped back into focus when she heard Maura discussing which items she wanted to purchase.
"Wait, three of them?" Jane asked as soon as Marcus was out of earshot, eyes wide. She'd been operating under the assumption that she'd be walking away with just one outfit that was much too fancy for her.
"Yes." Maura's tone brooked no argument. "The tuxedo for black tie events, the grey suit for everything less formal, and the navy suit for work. You could stand to have one nice suit for work."
"Maura, it's too much, I can't—"
"Do you want to make a life with me, Jane?" Maura interrupted Jane, looking her steadfastly in the eyes. Maura was at a height disadvantage again, with Jane back on the pedestal, but somehow Jane felt small. She sputtered at the heft of the question, at the prospect of committing right now to a long future with Maura. It felt like a crazy question because it hadn't even been two weeks yet. But in a way it had also been years. And after the initial shock Jane found that the answer was easy and clear.
"Yes, of course. But—"
Maura was already cutting Jane off for a second time, shaking her head firmly.
"How do you think it's going to work, then? We're going to build something together and I'm going to have all this money and only spend it on myself?"
Jane opened and closed her mouth wordlessly and Maura surged onward, emboldened by Jane's obvious inability to formulate a counter-argument.
"I love you," Maura said resolutely. "I don't want to make you uncomfortable. But I also love seeing you in these clothes and I can tell you feel good in them too. I know money always makes things complicated but I wish it didn't. It doesn't matter to me, so please don't get hung up on something that doesn't matter." Maura reached up to take hold of one of the lapels of Jane's jacket and pulled her down. She got up on her toes to press a kiss against Jane's lips and then patted her cheek lightly with her free hand. "Especially since you're definitely going to end up moving into my house."
"What? You don't want to come live in my condo?" Jane joked weakly, still more than a little overwhelmed at the amount of future being implied with the conversation. It was what she wanted but it was still terrifying. Maura gave her a gracious smile as she took a step back, retrieving her credit card from the returning Marcus.
"I just figured we'll put Angela there eventually."
Jane's eyes became enormous and she stood up straight. Somehow this possibility had never occurred to her. She'd occasionally daydreamed about living with Maura even before she figured out she was in love with her, which she now recognized as not at all a platonic thing to daydream about, but her mother was always fucking there in her head. Why hadn't she thought of this before?
Jane grinned down at Maura, who looked a little taken aback with Jane's sudden and near-manic enthusiasm but still smiled happily in return.
"Oh, you should have just led with that," Jane said, and looked back at her own reflection. She adjusted the sleeves of one of her three new jackets with a flourish. "I'm officially on board."