Chapter One: Happiness

Lilia remembered her propriety and knocked, even if she knew it'd make no difference. He didn't reply, and when she announced herself he didn't acknowledge her words. When she opened the door she found him in the same place she left him, lying on his side in his cot -on infuriatingly tangled, unclean sheets and with no new dressing for his wound- and staring at the wall.

Still despondent, still withdrawn. Lilia knew the reason all too well, and knew that grief wasn't a process with a set time to completion. She wanted to tend to him and rejoin him in what was -ostensibly- their shared quarters, but she'd be no closer to him on either side of the door. She'd probably only push him further away if she reached out now. So -reluctantly- Lilia closed the door and left Rudeus to his torment another night, returning to the women's room where she'd left Zenith with the twins.

Vierra and Shierra had only heard about Zenith secondhand from Lilia and the other members of the Fangs of the Black Wolf, and the cold, nearly lifeless woman they'd be tending to must've seemed a far cry from the warm, loving example provided in the stories. Lilia had at first been overjoyed to see her again, until Zenith's hollow, sunken eyes had been unable to return her gaze. When Lilia held Zenith in her arms and felt no warmth, no firm embrace in return…

Reality had already dawned on her when they returned without their leader. When she saw hastily-applied bandages where Rudeus' left hand had been and a clearly naked Zenith bundled under spare robes and cloaks. None of the living and ambulatory had done well to meet her eye then either. Now they rested, trying to recover some semblance of normalcy after… whatever horrors they'd found at the bottom of an already terrifying and incomprehensible labyrinth.

To see her friends so disheartened, to see her son depressed and maimed, to not be able to see her husband at all… perhaps it was best Zenith seemed unable to comprehend what had happened. Maybe her strange torpor was a preferable reality to the one the rest of them were in.

The Fangs of the Black Wolf were debating their situation when not recovering from their own harm. Roxy occasionally left her room to join them, and despondent as he was, Rudeus was at least still alive and aware of his surroundings. Lilia tried to be grateful that there were some small blessings… for the others. For her…

Her Lord was dead, and with him many of Lilia's own ties. If Zenith regained some measure of herself, would she claim Lilia as her sister-wife and provide for her instead? If she remained unresponsive, the only other possible candidate for that would be Rudeus… and now was not the time to impose on him, especially when he'd already taken in her daughter to fill the same role Lilia herself once played.

With the reckless speed Paul lived his life, Lilia knew it was possible he would predecease her. She had saved and managed herself well, but she'd still thought there'd be many years to go before she worried about such things. But without her Lord's wealth and his homestead long ago destroyed, she did have to wonder where she should go and what she could do.

She could still keep house and tend to an employer, but she was already older than most a lord would hire. She was still in shape and capable of nurturing and rearing rambunctious children, but the aches in her leg had only grown more frequent with time and her eyesight had continued to deteriorate. Her best years were already behind her, and anyone outside her Lord's circle would practically -harshly- assess the same. Not that she expected Master Rudeus or the Fangs of the Black Wolf to release her from her service, but the doubt would not completely leave her.

And of course, with Paul gone, she'd have to get used to being alone again. In the time Zenith had been ensnared, in the time it had just been Lilia and her Lord, she had grown quite used to sharing his bedchamber; his strength, and his warmth…

Lilia turned her attention back to Zenith, hoping to stir something with her presence and her ministrations -cleaning and bathing her and making her comfortable in an unfamiliar place. The more she dwelled on what she'd lost, the harder she'd make it for herself when she finally stepped away from Zenith and Lilia's own self-imposed duties and returned to reality.

Her eye turned back to the hall; to the door to Rudeus' chamber. Ultimately, he would have to decide her fate, and she would have to ask him to do just that. He would have to step up as the head of his family now, much sooner, much younger than his parents -or herself- might've wanted him to, but such was the cruel fate imposed on him.

Knowing Master Rudeus, he would try to find a way to accommodate her. But what would then become of Aisha; simply back under her mother's tutelage? Or his wife, dear Sylphiette, no doubt already feeling crowded by all the other Greyrats in her home and drawing her husband's time and attention?

She would need purpose. She would need some reason other than simply having once looked after her master in his youth. Others had taken that role in her absence from his life already.

Though for the moment he was lost. Maybe they might both gain clarity -somehow- if she could only draw him back.

For once, the phantom pain was gone: the dull ache where his missing hand had once been finally left him. When he looked down, he saw a black void rather than the unfamiliar empty space.

He saw something similar after Orsted nearly killed him, when a black void lingered in place of whatever organs the Dragon God ripped out. His old, flabby body, now simply missing his left hand…

"Go away," Rudeus simply requested, hoping for the dream to pass quickly.

The Man-God -standing somewhere in the foggy white void- feigned offense. "You're always so unhappy to see me. All I ever wanted to do was tell you the best course of action to take."

Rudeus already knew better. Before he left Ranoa, the Man-God counseled him to wait. If he had, Roxy would've died in the labyrinth. That alone was reason not to trust anything that came out of the duplicitous deity's mouth. "The best action for you, maybe," Rudeus bitterly mused.

"I know I can't always expect you to heed my warning," the Man-God pointed out. "Sometimes you going about things your own way works out," he then leaned very close to the black void that had once been a hand. "Sometimes it doesn't…"

"You knew what would happen to Paul," Rudeus growled his accusation. "You knew what would happen to me."

"You got what you wanted, didn't you?" the Man-God argued. "You saved Zenith and Roxy's lives. But nothing in this world is gained for free; surely you've noticed that by now."

"And what, you wanted to remind me?" Rudeus demanded. "You wanted to gloat?"

"I wanted to inform you that you're not the only one to have suffered a loss," the Man-God explained. "You think you're the only one in pain, but you might find others to share it with; others who might replace some of your missing happiness."

"Happiness?!" Rudeus snapped. "Paul is dead and Zenith is maybe worse than that! What makes you think anything will make up for-"

"The party you're with now all lost someone too," the Man-God interjected. "If the pain you're feeling is so much to bear, maybe you should share it with one of them? Maybe you could commiserate."

Rudeus wasn't sure what he meant. The Man-God had tried to urge him to mate with Linia and Pursena if he'd never left for Begarit. What was he implying now…?

Rudeus decided not to humor him. "I won't be doing anything like that."

"Oh, but it'd help you a lot," the Man-God assured. "And it'd help with those also left suffering without a loved one in their life. You're not the only one hurt by your father's loss, are you?"

Rudeus merely scoffed but offered no further comment. The Man-God evidently took the hint and faded away into the white mist, leaving Rudeus to sulk in isolation a while longer.

He did wonder if -perhaps- the other members of the party were grieving Paul's loss too. Elinalise had finally forgiven him and tried to reforge some kind of rapport. Vierra and Shierra had been under his protection from such an early age they may have been even more affected than his long-time squadmates in the Black Wolf. And Lilia -though stoic and dutiful as ever- must have felt something at the loss of her lord and husband.

Rudeus didn't want to give the Man-God's words any more credence. He was long ago tired of the manipulation, and thought he might prefer a dreamless sleep. The last thing he wanted was more time to dwell on it all, when the days were already lingering painfully enough.

Lilia tried bringing him breakfast, only to close the door almost as quickly as she opened it. Rudeus was right where she'd left him, still lost in his pain and grief. She lamented the wasted meal, but went about the rest of the day tending to her usual duties. While the party was in town she could handle their laundry and maintain their weaponry. While not attending to them, she still had Zenith to look after, though each glance at her dull, lifeless eyes only made the quiet lull that much worse.

Sharing quarters with the other women wasn't so bad, but she had enjoyed staying with both Rudeus and his father for however short a time. Her Lord had been more vulgar than usual and he'd teased her relentlessly, but Lilia couldn't deny feeling some joy seeing Rudeus laugh at their antics and observing his boyish curiosity about his father's nightly habits. Seeing him as sunken and withdrawn as his mother after he'd been so full of warmth and life…

The members of the Black Wolf had taken turns looking in on Zenith (and to a lesser extent, Lilia). Roxy had dropped by Rudeus' room almost as often as Lilia, but had never been able to take the initiative and open the door. The Migurdian would pace the hall outside, reach for the doorknob, lose her nerve, then meekly return to her quarters. No doubt she wanted to provide some aid; some comfort to the boy she-

Well, no. Roxy wasn't subtle enough to hide it, but Lilia would call no attention to it. There was nothing so important to be kept secret as an honest feeling.

Lilia left the women's quarters long enough to check the provisions and start meal prep. No one had done any new shopping since they'd returned from the labyrinth -so many plans were still in limbo- and their food supply was dwindling. She'd have to get creative and compensate for how thin her stews would be.

Fortunately, she had a capable aide join her: Geese was well practiced at feeding a team of six without the aid of a full kitchen, and could mask some underwhelming elements with an array of herbs and spices. He set to work with Lilia in the kitchen, roasting the dried elements and adding some fragrance to the dour room.

"Has Boss eaten anything since he's been back?" Geese inquired. Lilia shook her head, and he immediately pressed her. "He won't eat even if you give it to him?"

"No," Lilia acknowledged. "Master Rudeus is overcoming a very difficult trauma. He must do so at his own pace."

She couldn't give voice to her own concerns. Friend and ally or not, Geese was still an outsider to her house and her Lord's family. At no point could she ever present any weakness or doubt.

"Paul looked much the same, you know," Geese reminded her. "Did you let him go without dinner on days like that?"

For a time, Lilia would indulge her Lord's whim and allow him to sulk. She would remind him to eat and go unheeded, but after a few days she would steel herself and insist. It really shouldn't have been any different with Rudeus in his father's place. If anything, it should have been easier.

"Master Rudeus is not his father," Lilia insisted. "And he will take things at his own pace."

It was vague and noncommittal. It betrayed no worry; only her unwavering support.

"Boss has grown a lot since I saw him last," Geese conceded. "But all men are the same about this sort of thing. They need a gentle hand to nudge them when they're in a funk. Who else here can do that for him?"

That was a fair point. Roxy might've been able to convince him, if she could muster the courage to enter his room. Zenith would've already brought him out from his torpor, if she were able. But if neither of them could draw him out…

"Whatever you did for Paul, you'll do for him too, right?" Geese suggested.

That… Lilia had not considered. Feeding and cleaning up for her Lord had been second nature, but truly tending to him…

She should've expected his comrades to notice it. Her Lord did love to talk and boast among friends, and without Zenith it had fallen to Lilia to soothe him. And when it came to the demons that haunted men's souls… Rudeus was a great deal like his father.

"Yes, of course," Lilia finally agreed. "He has to eat."

So much would fall on him; he'd need to be strong. He'd need a full belly.

And for the other aches and pains he may have been suffering now…

She wouldn't have to make up her mind just yet. She'd just have to step back into their shared quarters and remain beside him rather than draw away.

After making rounds with Geese and delivering to the rest of the party, then eating her own portion and spoon-feeding some allotment to Zenith, Lilia quietly collected Rudeus' portion and headed across the hall from the women's quarters to what had ostensibly been her shared space with the other Greyrats.

They'd spent several nights cohabitating. It'd briefly reminded her of home in Buena, and she'd momentarily lit up when her Lord and his son had exchanged words (even at her expense). Welcome though it was to hear he'd married Sylphiette and built his own homestead, Lilia had enjoyed seeing the boy back with his father. She'd had no way to prepare for it being the last time she could ever treasure such an interaction.

Lilia observed her propriety and knocked on the door. She didn't expect a response; nor did she receive one. When she opened the door with her free hand, she found the young master right where she left him. The scent of his unchanged dressing lingered in the air, though she politely ignored that and focused on her task.

"Master Rudeus, you need to eat," Lilia insisted.

He was not difficult in his youth. There were dishes he didn't like, but he would eat what was presented to him. He'd always been skinny, but his incredible magical feats needed hearty meals to compensate, so even in their brief time together in his adulthood Lilia had seen his voracious appetite. He must have been hungry. He was simply too distracted by grief to let his rumbling stomach bother him.

He may well have come out of this deep well of sorrow if left to his own devices; he might be ready to eat the very next morning. Despite his lanky appearance, he was a strong, sensible man. He may have resented Lilia forcing his hand when all he needed was a little more time.

She had retreated so many times already; he was no closer. Lilia closed the door once again, finally resolving to stay in the room with him rather than fall back into the familiar hallway. She stepped closer to his bed, hoping to entice him with the smell of a simmering meal. Rudeus was unresponsive. Lilia spent several seconds just looking at him, thinking on how to proceed.

There had been no real distance between them since he was a very young child. Though stubborn and headstrong like his father, he did listen to her when she spoke to him. He accepted her affections, though he was perhaps too big to take hold of now…

Lilia set his meal on the nightstand and gently sidled beside him. She reached down to lift his head, adjusting her seat and bringing him down onto her uninjured thigh, giving him a comfortable spot to rest and giving her a better view to appraise.

"Lilia…" he protested in a low grumble, but said nothing more. Whatever annoyance he'd held for her evaporated as quickly as it came, and Lilia set to work in taking his measure. His eyes were still sunken and hollow. His hair was matted; too firmly pressed to his mattress and thrown out of whack. He was wearing the same robes he'd worn in the dungeon; he could use a change and a wash. Not unexpected, and things she could see to…

Instead, she found herself trying to sort out his hair herself, running her fingers through the messy blonde locks. With her free hand she found the stew on the nightstand and ladled a spoonful to his now conveniently placed head. She hoped he wouldn't fight her on it; she was starting to enjoy his company.

Rudeus eyed her spoon warily, but accepted, opening his mouth and sipping from the wooden utensil. Lilia smiled faintly down at him, and continued to ladle him his serving, hoping to at least restore some of his strength. Rudeus, however, only indulged her so long before sitting up, pulling himself from her lap. She resolved to hide her disappointment: she hadn't finished straightening out his hair.

When he looked at her, Lilia had a moment to take him in. She remembered hearing Roxy being taken aback by how handsome a man the boy had grown into -and she'd witnessed it too, with Roxy's constant flittering looks and shuffling feet- and even in his haggard state now, Lilia wasn't opposed to having his attention. He looked much like his father had, and even at his worst, her Lord's attention was prized.

"Are you finished?" Lilia asked him, willing to accept half a victory. He'd eaten something, at least.

Rudeus said nothing, only continuing to look at her. Lilia was used to maintaining a stoic facade, but Rudeus and his father were some of the few who'd pierced that veil. When her Lord held her gaze when they reunited, she could not keep up appearances. She'd let some of her true self slip through and embraced him and cried to his shoulder. Now…

She'd never do that again. Her Lord was dead, and her young master was… she'd have to be strong for him; to continue to be unwavering support to the family she'd sworn herself to. There was no room for sentiment on her part. That was only her master's privilege.

He saw it before Lilia realized it herself. He reached up with his hand to her cheek, running his thumb under the lens of her spectacle. Lilia's mouth widened ever so slightly when she realized he'd traced some familiar wetness drawn from her eye.

"...you miss him too, Lilia?" Rudeus asked.

There was no point denying it. "I do, Master Rudeus."

He finally turned his gaze from her, sullen once again. Had there been something in her answer that bothered him? She'd only tried to be honest, when they had the benefit of private quarters to be so…

"I'm so sorry," Rudeus mumbled. "I… if I hadn't been so reckless; if I'd listened to him…" His hand fell away from Lilia's cheek and balled into a fist, slamming against the wooden frame of his bed. "He-"

Lilia tried to calm him, reaching out with both hands to anchor to his shoulders. "No, Master Rudeus, you didn't-"

"He died because of me!" Rudeus protested, his voice cracking. "Because I-"

Lilia would not hear it. She reached behind his head and pushed him forward to her shoulder. If he was going to confide in her, she would insist he not disparage himself. She wouldn't hear a word spoken against the new lord of the house, even from his own mouth. Rudeus muttered some protest into her cloth for a moment before falling silent again. His head sank ever so slightly from the groove she'd placed him and drifted south, somewhere softer.

Crass, but she shouldn't have been surprised. He'd been fixated on her chest, ever since he was young. Feeling the warmth press to him had managed to fluster him the last time Lilia embraced him, no matter how he'd matured in the intervening years. He still had his boyish traits and… fixations.

Lilia caressed the back of his head, resuming her ministrations on his hair. If this soothed him, that was no great concern. In the privacy of their quarters, she'd have done this sooner.

Yet he continued to ruminate in his sorrow. This alone wasn't enough.

He had to be stronger. He had to be confident and assertive the next time he faced his father's comrades. And she…

Lilia lifted Rudeus' head from her bosom and gently moved him back into place, seated upright in bed beside her. She held his gaze for a moment, reminding herself how much she appreciated those striking green eyes, much like his father's.

With a long, deep breath, Lilia reached down to the wrist of his remaining hand. She gently extended his fingers out from his balled fist and pressed his palm to her left breast. She saw his eyes widen; she saw doubt fill his features, but she also saw his eyes fixate there and his hand remain in place.

He was tentative at first. He was torn by a mix of thoughts, and not yet subsumed by lust. If he thought too much, he might withdraw from her and sink back into his pit, only now bothered by what might have been as well as what was.

Lilia had to continue to guide him; to lead at the start. Rudeus had grown into a capable man, but even the strongest and most confident could lose their nerve in a bedroom with a woman for the first time. Paul had been so drastically different from the first time he shared her bed to the second… after he found not only his nerve, but his pace.

Lilia reached with her opposite hand to remove her spectacles, setting them down on her nightstand. She wasn't sure Rudeus had ever seen her without them… and she was quite certain he hadn't seen everything else he was about to. She reached up to undo her half-bun, letting her hair fall loose and free to entice him only further. Her right hand continued to squeeze his wrist, encouraging him to more firmly take hold and feel her breast, and find the pulse of her heartbeat under his fingers.

Rudeus finally looked away from her chest to her lavender eyes. He was still conflicted; he still needed that last, gentle nudge. "I swear I'll make you happy… my Lord."

A deliberate change. He was not merely her charge any longer. And if this would bring him back to the man she wished him to be…

Rudeus tightened his grip. Lilia actually gasped in surprise at the firmness of his hand.

With a thrust of his shoulder Rudeus pushed her down onto the mattress. Lilia peered up at him, looming over her, his brilliant green eyes hidden by that messy blonde hair. Obscured just enough to look like another, very familiar sight of nights passed.

Lilia kept one hand trained to his wrist. The other reached up to caress his cheek. He was alive again, and she wished him to act like it. She wanted him to feel warmth and movement, and respond in kind. The aggressive burst was just what she'd hoped for.

His hand trembled as he tried to carefully unbutton her white apron, but Lilia saved him the trouble; detaching from his skin and forcefully yanking the garment down with both hands. She helped him disrobe her, making it that much easier… and that much more enticing. When she exposed herself to him, she knew that would be another long stretch of fascination as he took in the splendor of her chest.

"Lilia…" Rudeus breathed.

He was taken aback by how brazen -how wild- the prim, proper maid could be. If only ever in her lord's bed.

Lilia continued to slide out of her garbs, though pointedly left her stockings on. Rudeus wouldn't quite see all of her -she didn't want him to stare at the wound in her thigh- but she was confident he would see more than enough to hold his attention. Enough to be easily guided when she started removing his own days-old wear. He wasn't the only one due a feast for the eyes.

She had missed so much of his growth: that he became a handsome young man was no surprise. But for a mage, he kept himself in pristine physical shape. He was a little slimmer than his father had been at the same age, but Lilia could still feel muscles just beneath his skin.

After he'd pushed her down, Lilia found herself climbing atop him, straddling his waist; grinding her hips over his trousers. She felt something rise to meet her, and for the first time felt warmth and redness in her cheeks at the prospect. There was no turning back after that. She still took one final chance to look down at his bright green eyes, the faintest illumination in the dark room.

Rudeus reached down and unlatched his belt. Lilia tucked him down and adjusted her position atop his hips. Once free from his confinement, Rudeus' hand dug into her hip and Lilia guided him into place.

Each of them released a palpable gasp. They took a moment to adjust to each other's presence and started to move.

If Rudeus had any further doubt, he cast it aside. If Lilia had any further sense of propriety -or inhibition- she let herself forget it for a time. She placed her hands in the folds of the mattress, on either side of his shoulders. Rudeus' clenched his grip as she began the ride, finding not only her pace, but a vibrant, breathless exuberance. The passion she kept so tightly bottled in the sunlight finally had an outlet again.

And the night wore on.

When morning found them, Lilia woke first and peered at the warm body lying beside her. For a moment, she might've been fooled into thinking the raggedy blonde head belonged to her Lord and he'd returned and made love to her, as he had on so many nights of this long, difficult rescue mission. But after the initial morning fog, she could clearly see the differences and remind herself that she had a new lord lying beside her now.

Lilia climbed out of bed and set to cleaning herself. The others wouldn't be surprised if she carried some of Rudeus' scent on her -given they ostensibly shared sleeping quarters- but the other women would notice some of the more pungent things she'd done. The last thing she wanted was for Vierra and Shierra -or worse, Zenith, if she came to- to realize how Lilia had spent her night.

She didn't leave the room, and so opted for a simple sponge wash while still in her state of undress. It'd do until later in the day and whatever free time she could find to clean herself properly. Rudeus seemed to sleep through it easily enough, but Lilia was well-practiced at performing her duties and seeing to her needs quietly around her charges.

Lilia began to reclothe herself, taking a moment to examine her hair, also frayed about and matted from bedrest. She'd allowed herself to indulge, and she'd need to spend a little extra time paying for it. But if there were ever a time or place to let her hair down…

Once content with the state of her hair, Lilia turned her attention to Rudeus' clothes, haphazardly tossed onto the floor. In any other circumstance, Lilia would've been appalled at having left it for so long, but she surmised if only the two of them knew about it…

Her Lord had told Rudeus about Lilia's hidden nature. Now he knew it firsthand. So long as only they knew it, Lilia could be content with that single trait. If she could shed her restraints at night but put herself back together in the morning, that would be enough.

Lilia collected Rudeus' clothing and thought on how to clean it. She'd need to boil water to properly disinfect it, but that would surely wake him…

When she lifted his shirt and examined it for visible stains, something firm slipped through the fabric and clattered to the floor. Lilia followed it, crouching down to see a familiar pendant on the wooden ground.

Sylphiette had shown it to her, moments before the Mana Disaster. Lilia herself had presented it to Rudeus on Sylphie's behalf as a late tenth birthday gift, after he'd rescued Lilia and Aisha from the twisted young monarch of the Shirone kingdom.

A gift from his wife, when she was still only his childhood friend. Something precious to him, no doubt… and Lilia, only incidental in delivering it to him. A familiar cold wisp began to well in her chest.

Lilia picked up the pendant and set it on the nightstand beside the remnants of his meal. She hoped putting some distance between herself and the hand-carved trinket would lessen its presence, or at least its memory.

When she returned to Rudeus' shirt, however, she saw familiar green out the corner of her eye and found her new lord awake, groggily watching her.

"Good morning, yo- my Lord," Lilia greeted, turning formal immediately. Rudeus sat up and stretched, and while still stoic, did offer an affirmative nod and hold her gaze. He seemed grateful to find her by his bedside, and she did her best to be appreciative of holding his attention the morning after.

Lilia fell into a familiar, preprogrammed routine. "After I see to your breakfast, Master Rudeus, I think I should draw you a bath."

It wasn't an order -she no longer felt she could order him- but a very strong suggestion. Rudeus again nodded, granting Lilia the assent she'd hoped for. The cold in her chest lessened just enough, and she found her resolve again.

"I know you want to help him," Elinalise sympathetically acknowledged, "but he has the right to mope for a few days; he has the right to be by himself. I'd have said the same if it had been any of our comrades and we cooped ourselves up in our room."

"Since when have you believed that?" Roxy demanded.

Elinalise shrugged. "It may not be true for me, but it was true for Paul; he sent his daughters away so they wouldn't have to see him sulk. Why wouldn't it be true for his son?"

Roxy sighed. It was a point, but she didn't want to acknowledge it: Elinalise became so smug when she won the argument.

But Elinalise didn't taunt Roxy with her victory, instead patting her shoulder. "It's taking its toll on the rest of us, but he has the right to be selfish sometimes too. How often has he set his wishes aside for us?"

Another very good point. Another thing Roxy had admired about him.

"Fine," Roxy ultimately conceded. "But has anyone checked on him today…?"

"Lilia brought him dinner and he finally ate," Elinalise assured her. "And he's taking a bath now so Lilia can wash his clothes: I'm sure it's a welcome change from having to look after Zenith."

That was reassuring, at least. Lilia had once again been the necessary rock to hold a Greyrat man in place, and hopefully helped Rudy take a few steps forward.

Lilia continued to ladle warm water onto Rudeus, sitting in the steel pot. Quiet again, but not quite so torporous. When she scrubbed his back, he released a contented sigh: far more life than he'd had the prior morning.

It was such a refreshing sight, to see him regain at least some measure of his light. Baths had usually cheered him up a lot after the days spent training with his father, when Lilia and Zenith would take him upstairs to the parents' quarters and spend time scrubbing out-

-she paused her ministrations as the memories flooded to her. She saw not a grown man before her, but a much younger boy, with his mother on the opposite side, singing her praises at his growth. She drew her hand away, her fingers trembling.

When she blinked she saw the man once again, apparently unaware of her blip. But the memories were just as vivid as the present, as she thought on Zenith's son -in many ways Lilia's son…

Lilia had never once left a cleaning unfinished, barring some more immediate concern. But when she stood up, away from him, she knew there were more imperfections she could've tended to. Still facing his back, she quietly inquired: "Will that do, young master?"

'Young Master' once again. She had been so quick to call -to accept- him 'my Lord.'

"Yes," Rudeus contentedly agreed. "Thank you, Lilia."

His voice was lower now, but still high pitched. He still sounded so very young…

Lilia stepped out from the room in a slight -but hopefully unnoticed- hurry. She still had awareness enough to bow her head; observe the usual protocol. But once she was away from his sight, she found herself breathing harshly and her heart thundered in her chest.

What they did hadn't happened quickly -she'd slept well enough, she'd woken by his side. Why had it all hit her so suddenly? Why had she only just realized what she'd done?

Why had something so simple suddenly become so much more complicated?

That -at least- had a simple answer.

Lilia stepped away from Rudeus' chamber. She might go unnoticed if she lingered, but their inn was full of women -all of them experienced in some way. They'd all recognize a walk of shame, if they poked their heads out of their quarters.

She had to tend to Zenith, prepare breakfast… pretend nothing had changed when everything had changed in the space of a few hours.

Young Master Rudeus… her Lord…

Her son in all but name. Her lover.

Another married man she'd seduced…

Lilia needed to be somewhere quiet; somewhere isolated from the others if only to momentarily mask all that had suddenly struck her. How ironic that she should be the one hiding away now.

As she retreated to some quiet corner away from prying eyes, fighting off the flood of memories and the sudden omnipresent torrent of guilt, she repeatedly asked herself the same question: what now?