Winter's Refuge
Chapter One Hundred Sixty-Six
JED 'KID' CURRY
Me and Heyes was taught to admit it when we lied or done wrong. After our parents were massacred, we kept that pact between ourselves, but no one else. But I had told Father Patrick that I was gonna be honest with Preacher right from the start. But I didn't know where to start…and I'd admitted to Father Paddy on the train that I was afraid of facin' Preacher and that's a new feelin' for me.
Preacher turned when the chapel door opened and looked happy to see us. Not his drunken happy-go-lucky look, really happy. Lom went forward to meet him, pullin' Paddy along. But I couldn't get my feet to move as another tremor shook my body.
Preacher's eyes were on me as he shook hands with Lom. He leaned in close and smelled his breath before sayin', "Good to see you. Thanks for coming."
"This is our friend Paddy," Lom introduced the men.
"Paddy Mahoney," Father said, shakin' Preacher's hand. "Nice to meet you. I've heard a lot about you from Jed."
Preacher pushed past them. "Kid?"
As he came toward me, I caught his eyes and blurted out. "I broke our pact. I went to church. Even took my kids but I stopped goin'." There, it was out in the open, but I didn't feel any better when I saw the hurt look in his eyes. That nudge of my worthlessness pushed my thoughts darker knowin' I'd let my friend down.
Preacher is thinner than ever, but he stood tall in front of me and bore his gaze into my eyes. "Kid." He shook his head, and I heard his disappointment in that one word.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," I said, takin' a step back until my back was touchin' the door. "Don't hate me."
"Did you ever really take our pact seriously?" He yelled as he stepped toward me threateningly.
This is not me, I thought. I haven't backed away from anyone since I left this prison.
I looked down. "I did at first. Thought it was a good thing for you and Lom to stop drinkin'. Seems to have worked for both of you."
"But did YOU intend to go to church? I thought you needed that."
"I went," I repeated. "But I stopped."
"WHY?" Preacher said loudly in a voice I heard him use from the pulpit…the same fire and brimstone tone Monsignor Lance used.
Father Patrick put his hand on Preacher's arm to stop his advance toward me. Lom was watchin' me carefully. "Perhaps you'll allow me to explain the why," he said.
I was getting' lost. Lost in the darkness of the cell I had just left. Lost in the confinement of this prison. And I let the depression attack my mind. And I didn't hear what was said around me, just knew that I had disappointed my friend, let him down. "I'm sorry," I repeated as I put my hands over my ears to shut out the voices remindin' me what I had done, how I had hurt this man, my friend. It was quick to take root in my thoughts, and I fought against it. I couldn't think of anything positive to say as the guilt overpowered me. "Father, Lom, help me please," I begged in a voice so low I didn't think anyone heard it.
LOM
It happened so quickly that I didn't recognize what was happening to the Kid, but Father Patrick did and rushed to kneel in front of him. Confused, Preacher looked to me for answers. This was not the Kid Curry he knew; this was Jed Curry fighting his own demons.
"Jed, tell me that you're feeling," the priest said. I recognized the question Aiden had asked the Kid constantly.
I went to pull Preacher away from the Kid, saying, "We'll explain in a minute." We sat in the back row of seats and watched silently..
The Kid looked at Paddy and I realized that he had a deep trust in this man. Aiden had told me that they roomed together when they were injured, and he heard them talking long into the night.
"Lost, Father. I let my friend down when he needed me. Broke my word. I feel…guilty …sad…so sad…worthless." The Kid sat on the floor, injured ankle straight out in front of him.
Father's voice was calm, soothing. "Jed, may I have your permission to explain to Preacher what happened when you attended services?"
The Kid nodded and Paddy, sitting on the floor next to the Kid, explained about his vacation and his replacement's vicious, vengeful twisting of God's words that convinced Jed that there was no redemption for him ever. And, like Aiden had told me, how this was the final straw that festered and convinced Jed he was worth nothing to anyone.
The Kid didn't move, just kept his head in his hands. Paddy asked, "Jed, may I tell him the rest?"
The Kid looked over at Preacher and me and I could see his determination to defeat a rising depression in his steel blue eyes. I couldn't tell if he was winning or losing. He nodded. "Guess I owe him that."
I could see the horror grow on Preacher's face as he listened to how the Kid's friends had tried to help him. When he heard that Jed had pulled the trigger, he jumped up and sat next to the Kid. "Oh Lord, Kid. I'm sorry. All these years, I always thought that you were invincible."
"Won't happen again…ever. But losin' Trinity Rose and then Monsignor Lance, I got lost," he said. "Learning to ask for help."
"Well, add me to that list of helpers but it will have to be in a letter for quite a while longer. Trinity Rose?" Preacher asked.
"Chrissy went into labor early. Aiden said it might be a multiple birth. We assumed twins like Michael and Martha, but there were three. And the first girl, Trinity Rose...she…she looked like an angel with light hair and blue eyes. She…she died." The Kid's eyes teared up. He used his bandana to wipe the water away.
"I'm so sorry. It's hard to accept His will when he takes one so young," Preacher said. "You said there were three? The others?"
The Kid managed a small smile. I was glad to see that his eyes were their deep blue again. "The other two were very small and healthy. They're thrivin'. Named the girl Diane Francis after Auntie who took care of Michael and Martha when we were in prison. She moved in with us and cooks and helps raise our kids. She's become family. The boy's named after one of the best friends I've ever known, Josiah James."
Stunned, Preacher looked at me and I added, "Cute little thing, his pa's blue eyes and some light fuzz for hair."
"Josiah James Curry. I'm honored, Kid. Thank you." He started to stand up and held out his hand to help the Kid.
The Kid hesitated then took his hand. With a slight grin, he said, "Well, now you know what I've been up to. How are you?"
HEYES
Aiden didn't look too happy as he got ready to drive the buggy out to the prison the morning after the wedding. He'd refrained from the champagne and other alcohol yesterday, remembering the hangover he'd had. I did hear him tell his brother that the hangover recipe he'd been prescribing didn't work at all and the smell made him sick. It looked to me like he was scared.
"You alright, Aiden?" I asked.
"Used to do this a few times a week when I worked at the prison so I could spend days working at the hospital here, too. Don't remember feeling this much dread about spending time in the prison," he told me before he left. Then he said, "Have a safe trip home and tell Denise I shall be home in three or four days. Oliver says there is one patient in the hospital here that he would like me to consult with him on, also."
Me and Chrissy let Stephanie and Steven show us the sights of Cheyenne the next morning. Our train didn't leave until four in the afternoon and Dr. Oliver and his bride promised to be home by two. They showed us their school and the new library. Rocky's learning to read and he'll be happy to learn that his siblings can and enjoy it. Steven told us about the short letter they'd got from Rocky. It made them smile. They wanted to know all about his new life as a blacksmith as we sat and had a pleasant midmorning snack at a cafe that had outside tables under umbrellas. Chrissy watched those that passed by on the sidewalk. After a few minutes, I realized she was looking at them closely.
"Chrissy?" I said and broke her concentration.
"Stephanie, many women are wearing their hair …ah…rolled at their neck?"
"Pretty, isn't it? It's called a chignon and Miss Nancy says it's been around for centuries. She says I'm too young for it but when we get home, I can help you do your hair like that," Stephanie explained.
"Heyes, do you think Jed will think I'm pretty if I wear my hair like that?" Chrissy asked me.
"The Kid thinks you're beautiful no matter how you wear your hair," I answered, but that was the wrong thing to say.
"Men!" said Stephanie and she and Chrissy stood and started walking toward their home.
"What do you say wrong, Mr. Heyes? I thought what you said was very nice," Steven asked.
"I don't understand how women think, Steven, but I think she wanted me to tell her she'd look very pretty with her hair done like that," I said.
"Women!" said Steven with a smile.
ASJ*****ASJ
When I got back to Doctor's Oliver's house, there was a telegram waiting. It was from Juan and simply read, "Something at Phoenix needs your attention. Don't rush but don't delay."
And fear hit me despite the final words. I showed it to Chrissy, who looked at me. "Someone's hurt…maybe one of our kids?" I could see a ma's panic in her eyes.
"He says don't rush so it's not serious," I said to ease her fears, but I didn't believe my words and all kinds of bad things that might have happened went through my thoughts. And I couldn't stop them.
"Mr. Heyes, there's an earlier train you can take to Bridgeport. Steven and I will be fine alone for a couple of hours," said Stephanie.
I smiled what the Kid would say was my false smile, to hide my worry about things at Phoenix. "Telegram said don't rush and I promised Dr. Oliver we'd stay here until they got home."
Stephanie stood up. "Well, there's nothing that says we can't go to their hotel and tell them you're taking an earlier train."
JED 'KID' CURRY
Preacher and I walked to the front of the chapel together. "I do feel guilty about breakin' our pact, Preacher. Glad you are managin' to keep it."
"With the good Lord's help. You know life ain't easy in here. Been assigned to the quarry by the Colorado River there. Hard job to do with your ankles shackled." He showed me the callouses and broken fingers on his hands. "But then you know that. From what I've heard, I'm glad you didn't go back to those church services. You got to let go of guilt, Kid. Believe in forgiveness. Not just that, but I know you feel guilty even when something ain't your fault. I used to preach at a church in California. The men drank, gambled, fought with knives and guns, took the Lord's name in vain, and worse. But every Sunday they came to services and asked for His forgiveness. And for a few hours their souls were clean until Sunday night in the saloon when it all started all over again. The Lord is a lord of infinite mercy and forgiveness, but the sheriff and his deputies were not. They paid their penance to the law for what they did. Just like I'm doing now."
"That's what Father…er, Paddy says," I answered.
"So, he is a priest. Why no collar?" Preacher asked.
"Lom knows a couple of men who used to work as guards here. Warden believes in God and listenin' to preachers, but he's met a few who felt so sympathetic to the prisoners that they tried to help them escape," I explained.
"You talk to Paddy?" he asked me, sittin' in the front row of chairs.
"Yes, I've learned he's a good man, a man of his word. Well, I guess I mean a man of God's words. He's got me convinced that there is forgiveness and redemption for me when I thought that was out of the question." I looked up at the small cross on the back wall of the church.
"Then I tell you what. Lom, Paddy come over here," Preacher called. When they joined us, he said, "Amendin' our pact. The Kid will start going to services again when Father Paddy leads them. And he'll work with him to let go of guilt when reparation or confession has been made. Me and Lom's part will stay the same, no alcohol. Paddy, you're our witness. Agreed?"
"Agreed," me and Lom said, while Paddy added, "May God bless you all in this endeavor."
Preacher smiled at the priest. "May God bless all four of us in this endeavor."
"Amen."
ASJ*****ASJ
The train goin' back to Yuma was still bein' loaded. The guards offered to let us sit inside the prison entrance in the shade, but I declined. I looked at the guard and motioned to the box with my gun and he nodded. "Don't put it on until I lock the door behind you," he ordered.
Instead of the 'yes, sir,' that jumped to my lips, I said, "I'll do that."
I knew that Lom and Paddy would have preferred the relief inside from the sun, as little as that may be, but I had somethin' to do. Lom realized I walked outside with a purpose. He followed closely, only stoppin' to put on his own gun and tie it down. I walked further down from the prison where the wall ended and started climbin' the mountain behind it. It was a hard climb because my ankle gave me no support, so most of it was on my hands and knees.
"Kid?" called Lom. I could see the sweat drippin' off him. As awkward as I must have looked, I made good time. I stopped when I was by the hole over the dark cell.
"Got somethin' to do, Lom. You can go back down," I hollered down to him.
"Kid?" he answered. And I saw Paddy had started up the mountain behind Lom.
"Trust me, Lom," I said.
I saw what I was lookin' for. BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG! A nest of four rattlers was cleared out.
When I had started firin', Lom had run the rest of the way up to stand next to me with a concerned look on his face. Breathin' hard, he said, "Rattlers," and nodded in understandin' as I reloaded my Colt.
I found five more nests and Lom found one. We cleaned them out before a guard came puffin' up the mountain. "Just what do you think you are doing?" he demanded. "You can't just go around shooting your gun on prison land." He tried to grab my gun as I was reloadin,' but I pulled it away from him.
.
"Warden told me the prison don't own this land. No one owns this land so if I want to practice shootin' here, seems like I can," I answered.
"You done shooting now?" the guard asked.
"Pretty much. Our train is leavin' in a few minutes," I told him, as I holstered my fully loaded gun.
The guard turned around quickly and slipped on some loose rock. As Paddy steadied him, he told him, "Prisoner Jewell said they don't get much meat. Perhaps your cook could serve rattlesnake for dinner. I've heard it tastes like chicken."
Lookin' around at the dead snakes, I think that's just what happened, only the guard told the warden it was his idea to eat the snakes. Before I went back down, I pushed rocks into a rough circle around the hole down into the dark cell to try and deter any remainin' snakes or critters from fallin' through. It also meant that if someone were plannin' to drop somethin', say a snake, through the hole, they'd make noise movin' the rocks and the prisoner would have a warnin'.
Couldn't see the man in the dark cell but I yelled down, "Hey down there. Just shot a lotta rattlers up here. Didn't want one to fall on you like I had happen to me. May have missed one or two so stay alert.
We had to hurry down the mountain to catch our train. I lost my footin' and fell flat on my back. The rocks were sharp and I got off them quickly. Lom supported me the rest of the way down as I put a little weight on my ankle. None of us said anything until we were sittin' on some hay in the boxcar we were sharin' with one of the prison horses.
Paddy was starin' at me and said, "Jed, don't take this wrong, but you really are a most amazing person. And don't say that anyone would have done what I just witnessed."
A test. This was a test. I could tell from the way he started his sentence. I have to find a positive response. And with Paddy and Lom, I know it has to be an honest response. "Had to be done."
He nodded. "Never saw anything like that shooting display you just put on. You didn't miss one snake. Always heard you were fast. Now I see you're accurate, too."