AshFan: WHY DIDN'T YOU STOP ME!?
TaiKetch'em: I tried to!
AshFan: YOU DIDN'T TRY HARD ENOUGH! You could've unplugged the TV or something!
TaiKetch'em: Alright, that's on me. Then again, you should've listened to me.
AshFan: God, I'll never get that image of that horribly animated Megamind out of my head.
TaiKetch'em: Yeah, yeah, I know.
AshFan: And they named Minion: Chum. That was shitty as hell! Then they messed up Megamind's motivation-The point of his character is that he didn't fit in anywhere and they fucking butchered that-
TaiKetch'em: Okay, relax. How about we watch the original Megamind while the audience reads the chapter?
AshFan: *Sniff* Okay…
TaiKetch'em: Alright… now to those reading this, if you ever watched a movie while writing or reading a story, please let us know. It would be nice to hear what you guys watch.
(Hell)
Ash was upstairs sitting by the large window in the princess' bedroom while reading through a book. He hummed while furrowing his brow while reading a certain page.
"So, Sinners can't leave the Pride Ring?" He asked.
"That's right. Hellborn can pretty much go to just about any ring they wish, but the Sinners are locked in this one for… well reasons." Charlie explains. "That's why it's more chaotic here compared to the other rings."
"Got it." He continued as Pikachu was also looking through the book. "Can you go to the other rings?"
"Since I was born here, yes, I can. I don't leave it much though, especially since I've opened the hotel."
"Well, maybe you could take me to the others some time. I'd love to see them."
"Maybe I will."
Ash put down the book and looked out the window seeing the town being the same old anarchy it was in. However, he was focused on the tower in the distance. The number said 358 now, so he figured now would be as good of a time as any.
"Hey, Charlie, remember when I asked about that tower thing out there?" He asked while pointing at the tower.
"Oh, right." Charlie says before snapping her fingers in thought. "Uh… Ash, that tower, it uh… ya see, it's meant to be a countdown."
"I can see that, but what's it a countdown for?"
She let out a sigh before scratching the back of her head. "For the Extermination."
"... What?" Ash says as he and his Pokemon were concerned now.
"Okay, hold one moment." Charlie said before leaving for a moment. "For this to make sense, I think it's best to start from the beginning." She then starts digging through her closet.
As she was searching she hand bent over to search which gave the boy an 'interesting' view. He blushed before looking away. Pikachu gave him a teasing stare, getting a glare in return.
"Here it is." Charlie then came back and sat in front of him with another book in hand. "Like I said, if you wanna know, it's best to start from the beginning." She says while showing the book which was titled 'The Story of Hell'. "Ready?"
"Yeah, I'm ready." Ash says as Pikachu gets in his lap.
"Okay."
Spoiler Alert to those who haven't seen the first episode of Hazbin Hotel, but this is gonna be the full summary of the backstory of Hell from Charlie's narration from the first episode… mostly verbatim.
(Narration)
Once upon a time there was a glowing city protected by golden gates known as Heaven. It was ruled by beings of pure light. Angels that worshipped good and shielded all from evil.
Lucifer was one of these angels. He was a dreamer with fantastical ideas for all of creation. But he was seen as a troublemaker by the elders of Heaven, for they felt his way of thinking was dangerous to the order of the world. So he watched as the angels began to expand the universe in their ways.
From the dust of the Earth, they created Adam and Lilith, equals as the first of mankind but despite this, Adam demanded control and Lilith refused to submit to his will and fled the garden.
Drawn in by her fierce independence, Lucifer found her and the two rebellious dreamers fell deeply in love. Together they wish to share the magic of freewill with humanity, offering the fruit of knowledge to Adam's new bride Eve who gladly accepted.
But this gift came with a curse, for with this single act of disobedience, evil had finally found its way into the world, with it, a new realm of darkness and sin. The order Heaven had worked to maintain was shattered.
As punishment for their reckless act, Heaven cast Lucifer and his love into the dark pit he had created, never allowing him to see the good that came from humanity, only the cruel and the wicked.
Ashamed, Lucifer lost his will to dream, but Lilith thrived empowering demonkind with her voice and her songs, and as the numbers of Hell grew, so did its power.
Threatened by this, Heaven made a truly heartless decision that every year they would send down an army, an extermination to ensure Hell and its sinners could never rise against them.
But Lilith's hope remained, and her dream was passed down to their precious daughter, the Princess of Hell.
(Narration over)
"And that's the story." Charlie says while closing the book.
"Wow… that's something." Ash says, astonished. "So, your parents were kicked out just for wanting to do good?"
"That's what I said and that's what I was told. Just the day before you arrived we had just gone through a horrible extermination and lost a large number of our kind, it was absolutely horrible." The princess then pointed to the tower in the distance. "That out there is the countdown of days until the next extermination."
Hearing that, Pikachu looked up at his trainer who stared. "That is horrible. I mean, I know guys are like bad people and all, but they're already dead. Shouldn't that be punishment enough?"
"You'd think." They jumped before turning around.
"Shit, Vaggie. Did you… hear all that?" Charlie asks.
"Uh, yeah. I was standing right there." Vaggie says while stepping out from the dark.
"Sorry, I get pretty worked up after an extermination."
"Don't worry I enjoy your theatrics." She chuckled before looking at the boy. "But yeah, to them death is not enough and this is how it is. The wretched suffer and the angels come to kill them again, and there isn't anything we can do about it."
"True, but it doesn't have to be. With this hotel and possibly the help of whoever sent you here, we might be able to make a difference."
"Hopefully we do." Ash says while smiling. "Besides, your mom must be happy to know what you're trying to do."
"Pikachu!" Pikachu also says.
Hearing that, Charlie's smile faded and she looked away in shame. This made him and his Pokemon raise a brow.
"What's wrong?" He asked.
"Lilith has… been gone for a long time." Vaggie explains while sitting next to the princess.
"What? What happened to her?"
"No one knows. She just disappeared with no trace."
Hearing that, Ash's eyes went wide. "Oh… I-I'm sorry. How long has she been gone for?"
"Not that long. Only seven… years." Charlie says with an uneasy look on her face. "Off doing something important I'm sure. But this kingdom was something she truly cared about. Something I care about."
"Well, at least you aren't alone." Vaggie says while taking her hands in her own.
"I just hope that what I'm trying to do will work."
"It will work. I have faith in you."
"That goes for me and Pikachu too." Ash says.
"Pika, pi!" Pikachu followed up as Keekee hopped into his trainer's lap.
"Alright, come on. Alastor has something to show us downstairs." Vaggie says before ushering the rest to follow.
As they got up and did so, Ash heard a gong and looked back at the tower. After all he's heard, there was now a pit in his stomach. He was already disgusted from hearing about the extermination, and he already had a bad feeling before that, but now another bad feeling came to be.
(Later)
Cue an insert of Alastor's commercial with some of Ash's Pokemon in the background cause we're lazy AF.
"So, what do ya think?" Alastor says after shutting off the TV and looking at the four on the couch.
"Uh… well…" Ash says, trying to come up with something to say.
"I'm sorry, what the FUCK was that!?" Vaggie says in annoyance.
"Uh, yeah, one note. Alastor, I mean, first off, thank you so much for making this, seriously, amazing. But maybe the tone is a bit… off?" Charlie says in the nicest way possible as Alastor cracks his head and his eyes show annoyance. "We want people to 'want' to come here. This makes it look… um…"
"Bad… the word you're looking for is bad." Vaggie says.
"Funny I was going for hilarious." Alastor says with another crack of the head.
"... Well, that explains why it looked like that. Still, I think we should have at least told them we're trying to help them from… the extermination-" Ash started to say.
"Which is the whole fucking point of this hotel." Vaggie finished for him.
"Vaggie and Ash are right. The commercial is meant to show sinners we could help them." Charlie says.
"Well, my dear, I haven't been active in Hell for some time, and everyone remembers me from my radio show!" Alastor says while moving around a bit, avoiding Ash's Heracross. "The proper medium to express oneself! But you insisted on this, noisy picture box advertisement." He then says while aggressively tapping his microphone on the TV. "So I had a little fun with it."
"Oh, fun? You had a little fun with it? Well, this is not what we want to represent us." Vaggie then stood on the couch. "When you showed up here a week ago, you told us you would help run this hotel. Instead, you're mocking us. Nobody's gonna wanna come to a place that a powerful Overlord like you thinks is a waste of time!"
"Wait, hold on, 'he' is an Overlord?" Ash asked, astonished.
"Yes, he is. Unfortunately, one of the biggest assholes of them."
"Oh, he's just learning this now, is he?" Alastor asked before chuckling. "I wondering when you'd find out."
Ash then had a thought back to one of the previous days.
(Flashback)
"Overlords? Like, rulers?" Ash asked out of curiosity.
"Not exactly." Charlie says while handing him the book with info on Hell. "It's not hard to explain. They seek out just about anyone down on their luck and get them to sell their souls through a bloodbound contract. The more souls they have under their control, the more powerful they become. And with a large amount of them gathered over the years, you can guess what it means."
(Flashback 2)
"Contracts where you come from don't work the same down here."
(Flashback 3)
Alastor chuckled before a small bit of fire formed in his hand. "You wouldn't mind, would you? If it meant helping keep your friends safe, right?"
(Flashbacks Over)
After remembering those two things, he looked over at Husk who was at the bar doing his thing. Then he looked at Alastor who was still giving him an eerie gleeful look. Did we already mention he had a bad feeling already, well, it was now even worse.
Then the moment got interrupted when someone else rose and waved his hand.
"What?" Vaggie asked with annoyance.
"If'n ya filmin' a commercial, can I suggest ya take better advantage of the talented celebrity you have right here?" Angel asked while sitting up and pointing at himself.
"Angel, you're a porn star."
"A famous porn star. I'll have the horniest sinners knockin' these walls down to get in."
"But wouldn't that mean they won't be coming here to get redeemed?" Ash asked.
"Yeah, we are not filming porn as a commercial." Vaggie also says.
"Why not? Sex sells, don't it? I swear if you film me going at it with fancy talk-creepy voice over here, you'd be rollin' in participants willin' to stay at this tacky hotel." Angel says, referring to the radio demon.
"Ha, never going to happen." Alastor then retorts, still smiling.
"Okay, well, maybe one of these guys would like to give it a shot. What do you say to that?" The fluffy says while looking at Infernape who uncomfortably backed away.
"Absolutely not! Absolutely not!" Ash says sternly as he gets up and walks over to him. "You are NOT using any of my Pokemon for that!"
"Pikachu…" Pikachu sighed while rolling his eyes.
"Angel, I appreciate you wanting to use your 'special skills' to um, attract folks to the hotel, but I really don't want to… exploit you… in that way." Charlie tries to say it in the nicest way possible.
"Oh please, baby. This body was MADE to be exploited." Angel says while showing off in a… certain way. "I got the arms, I got the stamina, I got the legs, I got the lung capacity-"
"Okay, okay, you don't-" Ash tried to say.
"Oh-oh, I got the LEGS! The gag reflexes-"
"Please, stop-"
"The holes-"
"Really, stop!
"The chest fluff everyone thinks are tits-!" Angel was only stopped by a strange circus music playing.
"Hold that thought." Charlie says while checking her phone. "I'll be right back." She then left the room.
"I can keep going all night baby!" Angel finished. "I also-"
"Seriously, stop! I don't wanna hear anymore." Ash says while putting his hands to his ears.
"Come on, ya gotta learn someday-WOAH!" Angel jumped as Tauros appeared before him, huffing in anger.
"Calm down, Tauros." Ash tells the bull Pokemon who backed off.
"Why did you specifically bring this one here? Isn't there a saying about a bull somewhere or something?" The fluffy demon asked.
"Bull in a China shop." Vaggie said.
"He got curious, I figured he'd wanna see the place." The boy says as his Pokemon wanders off.
"Yeah, but I am kinda with Angel. Maybe you could've bought something smaller."
"Hey, he's not causing trouble." He says before a board fell and broke on top of Tauros and he hardly seems to notice. "See?"
"Okay, well, I got a question. If freaky face over there is so powerful, why can't he make people stay here?" Angel then says, referring to Alastor again.
"Oh, trust me. I can." Alastor says in an ominous tone.
"Why do ya think I'm here? Ya actually think I'd be cleaning bottles and listening to you fuck's bitch and moan if he wasn't forcin' me?" Husk says as Ash's Oshawott was playing with his fur.
"I like being forced." Niffty popped up with Gible on her back.
"Keep that to yourself, Nifft." He says while pulling the otter off him.
"What, you don't love being here with me, Whiskers? ~" Angel says seductively.
"Call me 'Whiskers' again and I'll jam that bottle down your throat."
"Kinky! ~ Come on, keep talkin' dirty. ~"
"Come on, Angel. Leave him alone." Ash tells him off.
"And no, we can't force sinners to stay here. They need to choose to stay here." Vaggie explains again.
"I'm choosin' to stay here, and I think it's all stupid." Angel says passive-aggressively. "We're in Hell, toots. End of the line, ya know?"
"Well, maybe it doesn't have to be. Just cause no one's been redeemed before doesn't mean it's impossible."
"Hey, whatever means I can keep crashin' here for free. Let me tell ya, crack is expensive."
"Do I even wanna know what you mean by crack?" Ash asked.
"I ain't gonna sit here and go through the drug dictionary for crack."
"Sex and dru-Isn't that… I don't know dangerous?"
"I'm already dead, kid. Can't be double dead now, can I? This girl didn't get that memo the first time."
"Vete a la mierda."
"VAGGIE HOLY SHIT!" Charlie screamed while frantically waving her hand, starting the boy.
"AH! What!?" Vaggie asked, seeing the princess excitedly wave to come over while holding in her excitement. She chuckled before making her way over with the boy following in curiosity as the princess was practically bouncing in place. "What's going on?"
"My dad just called, he said the leader of the angel army wants to meet and asked if I could go instead!" Charlie says excitedly.
"Is… that a good thing?" Ash asked.
"It is! I get a chance to talk with not just an angel but someone with high authority! This could be perfect!" She says, leaving the boy feeling skeptical.
"But… but the extermination just happened. What could they want with-" Vaggie started to say.
(Song: Happy Day in Hell)
Charlie: I can do this, somehow I know it,
I'll get Heaven behind my plans
"Charlie, what are you doing?" Ash asked in confusion before the princess started to dance around the room.
There's just no way I could blow it,
Not this once-in-a-lifetime chance
"Why are you-?" He tried to say.
To change their minds and touch their hearts,
Or whatever angels have
"This could be bad." Vaggie says while worried.
Cheer up, Vaggie,
This could be swell *Takes her hands, then spins*
Something tells me that today will be a happy day in Hell
"Okay, just don't sing to them-"
"That bitch is halfway down the street." Angel says while pointing out the open door.
"Is she-?"
"Oh, she's dancin'."
"Ugh, no."
"I'll go keep an eye on her. Pikachu, Tauros, come on!" He called as Pikachu jumped onto his shoulder before he got on Tauros and they took off.
"WAIT! ASH DON'T! He's already gone… Oh no…" Vaggie then covered her entire face and groaned.
Charlie: There's a warm, fuzzy feeling that wafts through the air
Ash caught up to Charlie as she was singing got off his Pokemon and went to her.
Every street so revealing it's hard not to stare
Ash was about to say something until he looked at one of the windows and his eyes went wide when he saw two demons doing… 'something' before Charlie quickly covered his eyes and pulled him away.
It's a realm so appealing, it beats anywhere
If you don't mind the smell
Ash jumped as he started kicking whatever smelly gunk was on his shoe off.
It's a happy day in Hell
"Charlie, not that I think that this song is bad, but-" Ash started to say before a demon opened their window revealing fire.
Demon 1: There's an endless trash fire that's burning my soul
"Hello!" Charlie waved before turning to another demon who had a smaller one on top with a ball of barbed wire.
Demon 2: Got a ton of barbed wire to shove in his hole
"Why is everyone suddenly-" Ash tried to say again only to bump into a bulky guy with a giant axe behind him.
Demon 3: Doing what is required, we all have our role
Demon 4: *Walks in with a knife in his eye* I'm not doing well *Falls over*
"I-is that guy-"
Group of demons: Another shitty day in Hell
"How do they all know what to sing?" Ash again tried again, only for Charlie to hop on a car.
Charlie: If I can show them the dream I've dreamed
That any soul can change
Vaggie: Those angels' minds are hard to change
Ash then looked around for the source of the other voice while Pikachu looked at him with a brow raised.
Charlie: Then they will know everyone can be redeemed
From the evil to the strange
Vaggie: They're bloodthirsty and deranged!
He looked around for the voice again, not knowing where it was coming from. Not knowing how far away it was coming from.
Charlie: I can hear all their stories, the lost and displaced
Charlie sings while referring to some demons on the street
And I know that they're more of an acquired taste
As they passed by some hung bodies, Ash gawked for a second before hastening his pace.
But if I open the door and I give them a place
She opened the door of a garbage truck and a corpse fell out, frightening the boy and his Pokemon.
At my Hazbin Hotel
It'll be a happy day in Hell
Charlie then hopped onto a delivery truck as it was driving down the road. "Can you wait one second!?" Ash called as he hopped on Tauros and ran side by side with it as they passed many buildings.
From the porn studio, where the cinephiles go
To watch award-winning demon bukkake shows
"What's a buk-" Ash was about to ask before Charlie jumped off the truck and they skitted to a stop he got off Tauros only to jump when he saw people eating a body in the middle of the road.
To the Cannibal Town, where they don't wear a frown
'Cause-
"HOLY SHIT! WHY!?" She was interrupted as something flew into her eye while the boy.
"Are you okay?" The boy asked in concern.
And I don't give a crow that his brains got in my eye!
Ash and Pikachu turned and nearly threw up from that knowledge.
'Cause I know I can spare them from Heaven's genocide
Charlie: I can do this, I just know it
Chorus: there's an endless trash fire that's burning my soul
Charlie: I'll get Heaven behind my plans
There's just no way I could blow it
Chorus: I kinda like the barbed wire that's shoved in my hole
Ash tried to keep up but was losing track of just where they were going while following the princess.
Not this once-in-a-lifetime chance to change their minds
"And touch-"
"PIKA!"
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" The slug demon screamed in a high pitch as his 'parts' were electrocuted… before he was kicked and sent crashing by Tauros, leaving the boy with a traumatized look before he shook it off.
Charlie awkwardly laughed while leading them away. "I'm just gonna-
Fulfill my destiny!
"FUCK YOU ASSHOLES-!" The slug started before Pikachu shocked him again.
I can already tell
Charlie then ran to the top of the stairs of the very tower with the countdown.
Today is gonna be a fuckin' happy day in HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!
After she finished, she was left exasperated, huffing. Ash, Pikachu, and Tauros were left baffled before the trainer shook his head and went to her.
"That was not something I needed to see. Is… is it over?" Ash asked.
"Yeah… yeah, I'm done." Charlie says before wiping her brow. "Why?"
"Well, for starters can I take a look at your eye?" He says while taking out some supplies as Pikachu jumps to Tauros.
"What?"
"You said you got some… brain… in it. I just wanna get it out."
"It's fine, it's not that-"
"No, no, let me just-" He got close to her.
"No, I'm good-" She tried to push him back.
"Charlie, open your eye."
"I'm fine!"
"Open your eye!"
"Ash, enough!"
"Let me get that stuff out."
"No!"
"It might get infected."
"It won't get infected!"
Pikachu and Tauros watched from the side with half-closed eyes, especially when they went to the ground with the boy holding the princess to him.
"No!"
"Hold still!"
Ash managed to hold Charlie's eye open and used a swab.
"Oh man, this…" He says while taking it out and looking at it. "This is disgusting." He says before throwing it away and getting back on top of the princess. "Open it again."
"I'm fine!" She says before he opens her eye again and leans in to check it. "Oh, uh…" She blushed from how close he was getting.
"Okay, it should be good now." He says before getting up and helping her to her feet. "Sorry."
"No, it's okay. Really." She says with a small laugh before continuing to the door.
"Just looking out for you."
"Thank you. That's sweet."
Ash smiled back as Pikachu gave him a certain smile while sitting between Tauros' horns. After that was done, they went back to their previous task, going inside which looked almost like a church.
"Hello!" Charlie called through the echoing hall. "Hello?" She called again as they walked through the place. "Okay, this is kinda creepy."
"If you don't mind me asking, what happened out there? Why did everyone just… suddenly start singing?" Ash asked.
"No one does that in your world."
"No, no one's ever done something like that. How did they all know what to sing? Especially in sync like that?"
"I don't know how to explain that. Pretty cool though right?"
"That's more than just cool, that's amazing."
"Well, I guess."
"But can I ask you one more thing? What's a bukkake show?" Ash asked which made the princess go wide-eyed.
"Y-you don't need to know about that. Don't-don't worry." Charlie explained with a painful smile before going up to the podium and ringing the bell, to which a contract with a feather pen appeared. "Oh, also creepy." She signed it before it disappeared, and then the door next to them opened. "Okay, Ash, Pikachu… uh, Tauros too, you three wait out here."
"Wait, can't I come inside?" The boy asked.
"No, no! Look, this is kinda important, I don't think I'm allowed to have anyone else with me. I especially don't want them to get the wrong idea if they find I have a living mortal with me."
"Please. Look, I don't know much about the angels, but from what you told me, these guys sound… well… nothing like how an angel should be. Just let me come so I can at least help if things get out of hand." He says while putting a hand on her shoulder.
They stared another stare before the princess laughed while taking his hand off her. "If you insist."
She went in first, but before our hero did, he looked at his hands. He made a sphere formation again and focused, creating a small spark for a few seconds before sighing. Pikachu looked at him with curiosity.
"It's not important pal." Ash says while scratching his head as they follow the princess inside. "Hold down the fort, Tauros." He says as the bull Pokemon nods with a sputter.
"Hello!" Charlie called as they looked around the dark room. "Is anyone here?"
"Sup!" The lights snapped on.
"HOLY SHIT!" Charlie yelled as she almost fell, had Ash not caught her and helped her keep her balance. "Hi, um…"
They then looked and saw three other figures across a table from them. All three of them had wings and halos, one of which was taller with his wings halo golden and the other two had black feathers with black halos.
TaiKetch'em: We don't have a picture for the third one in the room, but it looks like a male version of Lute.
AshFan: We don't have a picture because you were too lazy to make one.
TaiKetch'em: Did I ask!?
"Uh, I'm Charlie. My dad asked me if I could meet you." Charlie continued.
"Yeah, I know." The taller of the angels says before eating a rib.
"Wait, you guys are angels?" Ash asked, put off by their looks.
"Oh definitely." The lead angel says while tossing the bone away. "What's with the mortal? Is… is he like your boyfriend or something?"
"NO! NO! He's…" Charlie says while blushing.
"Hey, hey, relax, it's cool. No one said anything was wrong about bringing a plus one." The angel tells them in a calm tone. "I mean, it is a little weird to bring a mortal to something like this, but hey, I ain't one to judge."
"Okay, well… it's nice to meet you." Charlie then says while extending her hand.
"Totally, nice to meet you too." The angel extended his hand out before they went through each other, causing the princess to jump. "HA! I fucking got you! Did you fucking see that!?" He then laughed while turning to the other two angels who nodded with stolid expressions. "Good shit."
"You're allowed to curse?" Ash asked.
"Yeah, like I said, don't worry about shit."
"Wait, so you're not actually here?" Charlie asked.
"No, you think I'd come down there?" The angel laughed. "No, I mean, I love the vibe, I love your tunes… pretty fucking hardcore not gonna lie. But it's such a bummer, everything down there is just so, blah, eugh! Ya know? Haha… ew."
'Well, he ain't wrong about that. Especially after what I just saw earlier.' Ash thought to himself while cringing thinking back to that slug guy earlier.
"Right… so I'm happy to have this opportunity to meet you. I have something that I think might-" Charlie started to say before the angel put a finger to her mouth, somehow stopping her.
"Hey, hey, hey, slow down. We got time." The angel says in a chilled voice. "How about we get to know each other, hmm? You want some lunch? Here's my personal favorite. You will love it." He then pulled out a plate of ribs and held it out.
"Oh, thank you."
"Wait, Charlie-" Ash was too late as she tried and her hand went through the plate which made the angel laugh hard.
"I got you again, BITCH! AHAH! Fucking hilarious" He continued laughing as the princess sarcastically laughed.
'Okay, not exactly… the kindest, but he doesn't seem so bad.' Ash to himself. 'Maybe this won't be bad at all.'
(Literally five minutes after thinking that)
'I take it back.' Ash thought to himself as he slumped in one of the chairs, he, Pikachu, and Charlie looking annoyed as the lead angel was rambling on about something they couldn't care about.
"And then like she went on and on, like bitch let me talk already! Ugh, I hate when people do that. It's fucking annoying. Especially when they change topics, which reminds me of this other time-" He kept going.
(At the hotel)
Vaggie had the rest of the crew along with Ash's other four aforementioned Pokemon at the parlor. "Okay, so Charlie is dealing with something very important, and Ash is with her… hopefully not getting dragged into anything they shouldn't be. So, while they're gone, 'we' are making a new commercial. Firstly, we need a camera. Alastor?" She then held her hand out as the radio demon snapped his fingers and in her hand poofed an old-time camera. "A video camera." She then said sternly.
"Hmmm." Alastor says passive aggressively before snapping his fingers again and creating a video camera with an eyeball.
"Alright, let's do this."
(Scene 1)
Vaggie had the camera pointed at Husk and Heracross behind the bar with Angel and Infernape sitting on the stools. "Anand… action!"
"Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel." Husk reads the script in a monotone voice as Oshawott climbed back on him to play with his fur. "Can I…" he took the otter off and placed him on the counter. "Can I help you with anything?"
"I've been a bad boy, and I need a big strong daddy to put me in my place. ~" Angel played up his part while lying on the table which made the other three lean back uncomfortably. "On the path of redemption." He immediately straightened up.
"Well, you've come-"
"OH YES! ~"
Husk, Heracross, and Infernape stared at him in annoyance. "To the right place."
"CUT! Alright, Angel, I'm gonna need you to be less horny if possible? And Husk maybe not have the script right in front of your face?" Vaggie says while lowering the camera.
"I ain't no actor, I can't memorize this shit!" Husk says as Oshawott climbs back on him.
"Well, we could improve this shit, baby cakes-OGH!" Angel says while leaning on the counter before Infernape had enough and hit him with a fire punch that sent him crashing.
"Inernape!" Vaggie scolded.
The fire Pokemon looked baffled as he gestured at the lustful demon while Heracross slowly ducked under the counter and Husk pulled Oshawott off him again.
(Back to the meeting)
"So I was playin' this gig, and for some fuckin' reason this virtue chick was diggin' on the drummer and it's like, do you know who 'I' am? I'm fucking Adam! I'm the original dick! All dicks descend from me!" The angel says while pointing down. "You think you want drummer dick? No way!" He says as the two angels shake their heads. "I'm the Dick-fuckin' master!"
'Swear to Arceus, I hear this guy praise his manhood one more time…' The boy thought to himself.
"So, anyway, then we fucked, and it was awesome." The angel says while eating sloppily. "What'd you do this weekend?"
"Wait, your name is Adam? Like the first man, Adam? That means, you… Ohhh." Charlie asked as she and her other three friends went wide-eyed in realization. "That explains so much."
"You've gotta be kidding me." Ash says in astonishment.
"I know, I fucking rock." Adam says while making the rock and roll gesture.
"Well, sir, Mr. Adam sir." Charlie started.
"Call me, Dickmaster."
"... Adam, you seem like a smart well, stand-up guy."
"Uh-huh." The angel says while picking at his teeth.
"And I know you are the leader of the angels and you are a big thinker a revolutionary, uh-A genius!"
"I mean, your words, babe."
"Who would really love to put his name on something."
"FUCKING LOVE PUTTING MY NAME ON SHIT! Shit's the best!"
"It's a solution to our biggest problem!"
"Oh, herpes, yeah that's a bitch." Adam said, not getting it.
"NO! Our… other biggest problem."
"Oh… uh, ugly people?" He says before looking at… boy, you better look away from us before you get your ass beat. "Math! Global warming? Nah wait, that's Earth's problem."
Charlie, Ash, and Pikachu looked annoyed again. 'Oh, come on-'
(Hotel, Scene 2)
Niffty was up in one of the rooms, trying to stab a bug with Gible trying to catch it.
"Alright, Niffty. Niffty? Niffty!" Vaggie says while stopping her before taking ahold of Gible "Your line is 'We have the cleanest rooms' okay?"
"Got it, I'm ready." Niffty says before she was given Gible to hold.
"Aand, action."
As the camera went on, Niffty… just stared blankly at it… and stared… and stared… and stared… and stared… and stared… and stared… and stared… and stared… and stared… and stared… and stared… and stared…
Gible scratched his snout, not noticing the menacing cyclops staring deeply into the soul of the direction.
"Uh… cut." Vaggie says while lowering the camera.
"How was that?" Niffty says as if nothing happened.
"Niffty, you're supposed to actually say the line. So, we're gonna roll again."
"Okay."
"Action."
Then Niffty… stared again…
"You're doing great Vagina." Angel whispered condescendingly.
"Cut!" Vaggie groaned in annoyance. "Alright, uh, maybe we can try to… fix it in post."
"Do you even know what that means?"
"I'LL FIGURE IT OUT!"
(Sometime later)
"And yeah, that's what happened." Angel finished explaining.
"It's gonna be a dumpster fire way, so not like-" Husk starts to say before he looks and pulls Oshawott off him. "Can you fucking stop messing with my fur?" He then dropped the otter who immediately went to play with his tail. "Aye yai yai."
"Hey bud, if ya change your mind…" Angel started to say to Infernape who rolled his eyes and walked away before he could finish. "Well screw you too, asshole! Most guys who reject me usually say something."
(With Vaggie)
She was groaning in annoyance while sitting in a dark room in front of a TV with a video camera attached to it. No matter what she tried, nothing seemed to work.
"Seems like you're having a bit of trouble there, hmmm?" Alastor says after popping up.
"Ugh, este pendejo. Why are you even here?" Vaggie says in annoyance.
"For the entertainment. I came here because I love seeing wasteful souls struggle to accomplish something meaningful and fail spectacularly. Like you are doing right now! Good job."
"And here is Alastor, the egocentric piece of shit, that-" Vaggie tried to record him, only for the camera to suddenly glitch and shock her as she dropped it, and it smoked.
"I wouldn't try that, my dear. This face was made fOr raDiO!" Alastor says in a menacing tone.
Vaggie looked scared for a moment, but quickly straightened up and stood in front of the radio demon. "That's it! I don't care who or what you are! If you are staying here, you are going to make this work. Because it won't be so 'entertaining' to watch over an empty hotel will it, shitass!?"
Alastor stared for a moment as she went back to the chair and sat down. "Fair enough. I'll tell you what. Let's make a deal."
"Pfft, you think I'm that stupid? You know I'm never making a deal with you."
"Not for your soul, just a simple deal. I do this for you and you never ask me to engage with this frivolous television technology ever again." He proposed to her. "Or Charlie and that boy can come back to absolutely nothing! Your choice."
Vaggie thought for a moment before sighing. "Fine."
With that, she handed him the camera. Goulish phantoms then circled it before Alastor snapped his fingers and he was in a completely different outfit while the room became a studio with everyone else in the hotel appearing.
Random demons appeared with the film set. The Pokemon were looking around freaked out until they along with the rest of the crew suddenly had a complete wardrobe makeover… except for Husk.
"Alright, everyone." Vaggie says before her outfit was changed as well. "Let's make a fucking commercial."
(Meanwhile)
"And you take her out for the fifth time, but she still expects you to pay the check-" Adam was still going on as the boy and his Pokemon covered their ears in hopes of it being over with the princess getting frustrated. "But you're like, 'Hey, I thought you wanted equality'. You get what I'm talking about, right, bro?"
"Don't-don't drag me into this, please." Ash tells him in a deadpan expression.
"Oh, come on. There must've been one girl who acts like that to you, right?"
"No girl has ever acted like that to me."
"THAT'S NOT THE PROBLEM! It's our shared problem of overpopulation in Hell!" Charlie yelled.
"Ohhh…" Adam paused for a moment. "Well, that's not a problem! We got that covered. Lute, Tenant, how many demons did you two kill this year?"
"Got a good two seventy-five this year, sir." The female angel says.
"A new record of eighteen sixty." The other male one says.
"Two seventy-five and eighteen sixty!? Woah, badass! Awesome job. Pound it, Danger tits!" Adam then held out his fist as Lute bumped it. "You too, Deadly balls." He then says as Tenant did the same.
"What!? No that's not awesome." Ash pipes up as the princess puts a hand on his shoulder to calm him down.
"He's right. Those are my people." Charlie says.
"Oh yeah… That must suck for you then. PFFT AHAHAHAHA!" Adam laughs again.
"But these aren't just demons. They're human souls like the ones in Heaven."
"They are not the same." Lute says.
"They had their chance, now they pay the price with damnation." Tenant also says.
"You're wrong. I know they've caused problems, but everyone makes mistakes." Charlie says.
"Angels don't make mistakes." Lute says in a snide tone.
"You don't really think that, do you?" Ash says as he starts to glare with Pikachu.
"We know that." Tenant says as well.
"Yeah, I've never made a mistake in my fucking life." Adam also finishes.
"The only reason why you're still here is because Daddy gave you and your Hellborn-kind a pardon from an exorcist blade." Lute says after walking up to the princess.
"How does it feel knowing your life doesn't matter in the slightest?" Tenant finishes on the other side of her.
Ash tightened his fist before standing up, knocking his chair over. "Back off. You try anything funny and you'll see what mistake you make." He says as Pikachu charged his cheeks.
The two angels stared at him before laughing.
"You? Seriously? You think a mortal child and his pet like you stand a chance?" Lute says while walking up to him.
"You wouldn't last a second. Come to think of it, mortals like you are not part of the deal. So I suggest you watch your next move." Tenant also says before the two of them leaned in and spoke in sync.
"Or you'll be the next one down here."
Charlie looked ready to defend. Ash stood his ground and his expression didn't change even in the face of these menacing angels who just shrugged and left him. Afterward, the princess pulled him back down to his seat.
"Ash, don't provoke them." She begged.
"But Charlie-" He was about to protest.
"Please, I don't want you to die."
He looked into her pleading eyes. He knew she was worried about him and only sighed before nodding.
"Oops, almost out of time. Guess we should get into it-" Adam started to say.
"Oh, fuck! Right!" Charlie says as she gets out of her seat and runs up to them.
(Song: Hell is Forever)
"I've got a lot to get through and not a lot of time. And I feel like you weren't listening before so here it goes." She clears her throat before pulling out pictures.
Charlie: I know Hell's population is out of control
It's a bad situation
It's taking a toll
If we rehab these Sinners
And cleanse all their souls
At my Hazbin Hotel—
"Wait, I'm getting ahead of myself!" She says before going through her pictures.
"Charlie, please calm down-" Ash tried to say after going over to her.
"Right! Extermination!"
I know you guys fly down
Just to kill once a year
And it must be annoying
To schlep all the way here
If they join you in Heaven
That trip disappears!
You can wave that chore farewell
She took a second to breathe as the boy could see that the angels were uninterested.
It'll be a happy day in—
Adam: Let me stop you right there
Save us all precious time
"Okay." Charlie says while backing down.
If what you're suggesting
Is letting them climb
Up the ladder
Oh, they'd rather cross the Pearly Gates?
"I mean, yeah, that's-"
Sorry, sweetie
But there's no defyin' their fates!
'Cause Hell is forever
Whether you like it or not
Had their chance to behave better
Now they boil in the pot
'Cause the rules are black and white
There's no use in tryin' to fight it
They're burnin' for their lives
Until we kill 'em again!
"Okay, but-"
Just try to chillax, babe
You're wasting your breath
"Can you lis-" Ash tried to but in.
Did I hear you imply
That they don't deserve death?
Are they Winners?
Are they Sinners?
'Cause it's cut and dry
"Actually if you take a look-" Charlie tried to say again.
Fair is fair, an eye for an eye!
Adam flew up into the air as a bright light shone down upon them, blinding them.
Adam: And when all's said and done
Chorus: Said and done
Adam: There's the question of fun
"Wait, fun!?" Ash asked baffled.
And for those of us with Divine Ordainment
Extermination is entertainment!
Bow-now-now-now-now
Guitar solo, fuck yeah!
Hearing that, the boy started to get angry as was his Pokemon who was ready to discharge electricity.
Hell is forever
Whether you like it or not
Then suddenly multiple golden angels appeared and surrounded them.
"Where did you people come from!?" Charlie says, worried.
Had their chance to behave better
Now they boil in the pot
'Cause the rules are black and white
There's no use in tryin' to fight it
They're burnin' for their lives
Until we kill 'em again!
Adam fist-bumped Lute before doing the same with Tenant before summoning a guitar.
Fuckin' Hell is forever
And it's meant to suck a lot!
He says as the other angels flew away.
So give up your dumb endeavor
'Cause you don't have a shot!
Charlie got angry as she turned into her demon form while Ash's eyes started to glow blue from anger.
Long as I've got your attention
I guess I should probably mention
That we made the determination
Adam then got in front of them with a scroll that said 'Fuck you! I do what I want!'.
To move up to the next Extermination!
"What?" Charlie says.
"You can't just-" Ash tried again to butt in.
"Can't wait a whole year to slaughter those little cunts." Adam then grabbed their hands, breaking the holographic illusion. "I know it's just been a week, but we'll be back in six months!" He throws them both out rolling across the floor with Pikachu as Tauros was startled.
"Wait, please!" Charlie started to say as she ran for the closing doors. "Let me-"
Before she could finish, a blur rushed past her, throwing her off. That blur turned out to be Ash who grabbed the doors, stopping them from closing at the last second. The doors screeched as they tried to close, but he held them open, causing the princess to appear shocked.
"Uh, sir!" Tenant says in concern.
"What!? I'm trying to-" Adam stopped before looking at the door. "What the fuck!?"
"Ash-" Charlie tried to say before the boy was starting to wrench the doors open.
"Holy shit." Lute says in shock.
"Uh… turn off the hologram. T-turn it off." Adam began to stutter before he saw Ash wrench the doors further open with a look of fury in his blue eyes. "FUCKING TURN IT OFF ALREADY!"
Just as the boy was able to fully pry the doors open, the angels and the light all disappeared in a flash. That didn't stop our hero as he ran into the room and looked around furiously. Charlie and his Pokemon watched with worry as he ran around the room like an animal searching for them.
"Ash, they're already…" Charlie says while entering the room as he was still looking around. "Ash, please-"
She grabbed his shoulder and turned back to glare at her in his anger. Though, as he looked at her worried face, his expression softened. Then he looked down at Pikachu who also looked worried for him, and slowly but surely, the anger subsided and the glow in his eyes faded.
"I-I'm sorry, I…" He put a hand on his head. "I don't know what…"
"It's okay, it's okay." Charlie says while putting a hand on his back and shoulder while Pikachu gets on his other comfort him. "Let's just go."
"... Yeah, I wanna get out of this place."
After all that happened, the group all left the tower thing. Nothing more to do there.
"So… does that thing you just did happen to humans in your world?" Charlie asked.
"Huh? Uh… well, not all humans. I just… I lost my temper back there."
"I know what that can be like."
Ash looked down at his hands again. Whatever happened before with the robbers almost killing Vaggie and Pikachu seemed to have happened then. Letting anger get the better of him and almost doing something he'd regret. If this kept happening… well, he didn't want to think about it but knew that he needed to control him and most importantly, his aura. Pikachu put a paw on his face to comfort him which he was happy for.
Then he looked at Charlie who was looking down depressed. He had forgotten about her at the moment. Not only did she get shut down and humiliated by the very people she believed were good, but she had to watch him freak out as he did now. He felt bad for her before mentally slapping and scolding himself.
"Hey, Charlie, I know things didn't work out." He says while putting a hand on her shoulder. "But that doesn't mean we have to give up."
"Are you sure?" She asks while looking up at him.
"Yeah. I was sent here to help you and that is what I'm gonna do."
"I don't know, after that shitshow…"
"I know. Listen, things may be bad now, but just cause those guys are… honestly horrible… doesn't mean the rest of Heaven has to be. Let's not give up hope, especially not just yet. We might still have a chance." He kept going which made her smile a bit.
"Thanks."
"Alright. Tauros, you up to help us?" He asked as the bull Pokemon sputtered while leading down as his trainer got on before reaching his hand out. "What do ya say?"
Charlie happily took his hand before getting pulled up behind him as the Pokemon got up while she wrapped her arms around Ash's waist tightly and they took off. As they did, she laughed as they were on their way.
(Hazbin Hotel)
They walked through the doors, things calmed down now.
"Charlie!" Vaggie says while running up to hug her. "How did it go? Did they listen?"
"Oh, uh… they sure did… hear it, but… uh…" Charlie started to say.
"Did they say anything about Ash being there?"
"Actually, they were surprisingly fine with him. But the thing is-"
"Oh, come here! We have something exciting to show you!" She was then dragged away.
Ash chuckled when he saw them before his smile vanished and he took out his Arc Phone. He checked the message once again.
'If it wasn't Arceus who sent this and someone from Heaven here, then there has to be someone good up there. Right?' He thought to himself before turning to Pikachu who was still concerned. "Nothing to worry about, buddy. I'll be fine." He says while patting his head.
"Ash, what are you waiting for?" Vaggie called as he looked and saw the gang and his other Pokemon sitting at the Parlor.
"Coming!" He called back.
"Not without a condom, ya ain't." Angel joked.
"Haha. Funny." The boy says sarcastically as he sits next to Charlie.
"Alastor pulled some strings and it's about to air." Vaggie says excitedly to Charlie.
"I pulled a few limbs too. HAHAHAHA!" Alastor laughed.
"Wait the commercial? You guys made a new one?" Charlie asked.
"Yeah, one of my better performances if I do say so myself." Angel also says. "Your little friends here also helped out a lot." He then says as the Pokemon blushed with flattery.
"That's…" Charlie started to tear up with happiness. "That's amazing."
"See? Things are already looking up."
"Yeah, on the subject of your Poke-things, can you tell your pet otter to stop messing with my fur? He's been doing it all fucking day." Husk says in annoyance as he pulls Oshawott off of him again.
"Sorry." Ash says while taking the water Pokemon away from him. "Oshawott just gets curious-"
"Shh! It's starting." Angel says before they all look back at the TV.
"Welcome to the Hazbin Hot-" It started before getting cut off by the news.
Everyone got pissed and were angrily talking over each other while the Niffty just giggled. That all was interrupted when Infernape especially blew his top, his flames nearly reaching the ceiling as the others got spooked.
"Breaking news in Hell today!" The news showed up with a blond woman who had a box saying 'Katie Killjoy' below her and a guy wearing a gas mask that had one saying 'Tom Trench' on screen. "We have just received word from the Heaven Embassy that the next extermination is happening sooner than ever before. Do you know what that means, Tom?"
"No, what does it mean, Katie?" The man asked.
"It means we are all royally FUCKED!"
Then the screen changed to show the tower numbers. The numbers went instantly from 358 to 176, shocking the crew entirely.
"Wait… what? Why!?" Angel says, baffled.
(Meanwhile elsewhere)
The angels we had just seen earlier were in a dark room with a projector showing one of them. However, the one on the projector was headless and bleeding gold.
"We found the body, sir. They've never managed to kill one of us before." Lute says while tightly forming fists. "We should just go down there and destroy them!"
"Especially have to take into account that kid." Tenant spoke up. "I don't know what happened, but clearly that kid isn't the mortal human we thought he was and could also be a threat. I say we start with him."
"No, no. We can't risk them catching on. But don't worry, when we come back there won't be a demon left alive to pull a stunt like this again!" Adam then smashed the projector as the lights went out with his smile.
To be continued…
TaiKetch'em: And done. Thank you for reading everyone. Hope you found this chapter good.
AshFan: Yeah, this is the first time writing Ash in one of the musicals, and while he didn't sing this time… eh, maybe we get him to sing some other time.
TaiKetch'em: And what do you think of Tenant? Should we keep him in? Let us know.
AshFan: Yeah, but you're not gonna be seeing a picture of him anytime, knowing Tai's lazy ass.
TaiKetch'em: Shut up! It's not easy to make an OC man.
AshFan: Oh yeah, sure it is. That's why you spend half your time doing nothing all day.
TaiKetch'em: You don't do jackshit all day either!
AshFan: Well, at least I'm posting more on my page than yours ya lazy ass.
TaiKetch'em: Stop calling me a lazy ass!
AshFan: Lazy… ass.
TaiKetch'em: You motherfucker… GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE!
AshFan: Oh it's like that, huh?
And the two of them are now fighting… uh anyway, hope you enjoyed the chapter. Expect the next one soon.
*Crash!*
Maybe not too soon.