Episode Errors
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"Alright Kate, what's wrong? It must be something urgent or your would not have summoned us to your house," Heyes asked with great concern
"In fact, you've never even invited us to your house. Only time we're ever here is when we show up uninvited," Kid added, with noticeably less concern in his voice.
"No, nothing's wrong...Well, actually a lot of things seem to be wrong, but nothing is urgent. If you two have something more important to do, this can wait," Kate told them.
"Well since you ain't currently writing a story, we don't currently have nothing important to do," Kid reminded her. "I think you're slacking a bit, Kate. Maybe the well's running dry?"
"You really want to bring up the subject of wells, Kid?' Kate snapped right back at him.
"Okay, let's just all calm down," Heyes said. "Or at least Kate, you and me can calm down. Kid don't seem too perturbed about anything right now. So, let's you and me take a deep breath and then you tell us what's bothering you and we'll see if we can help fix it."
"Well, I've been watching all the reruns again..."
"How many times have you done that?" Kid asked.
"A few,"Kate replied.
"Just how many times is a few?"
"This is the... hundred and twenty third time," Kate said sheepishly.
"You've watched every episode a hundred and twenty-three times?" Heyes asked in pure disbelief.
Kate nodded. "Except for Return to Devil's Hole."
"How many times have you watched that?" Heyes asked, giving Kid triumphant smirk that Kate would focus on his near solo episode.
"One and a half," Kate replied and Heyes jaw dropped, while Kid exuded a fierce and hearty laugh.
"One and a half times?" Heyes repeated. "Why only half an episode?"
"I quit after you give Kid the money for safekeeping."
"I told you Heyes. Fan mail don't lie and I get three times as much as you! I had two scenes in that episode. No wonder nobody watches it."
"Shut up!" Heyes snarled, then turned his attention back to Kate. "So let me guess, you want pointers on how to appreciate an off canon story like Return to Devil's Hole?"
"No," Kate replied. "I've come to accept that I simply can't ever come to appreciate that episode."
"Then what's the problem?"
"Well, when you watch the episodes as many times as I have, you always know what's going to happen next, and you even memorize some of the dialogue..."
"What dialogue do you have memorized?' Kid asked.
"Well, the introduction, of course... Then there's your speech to Joe Briggs and Reverend Spencer..."
"What else?"
"The fight you and Heyes have in the hotel room in that same episode."
Kid smiled. "Yeah, that was a good episode, wasn't it, even if Joe Briggs was a horse's ass in it."
"Kid, you're getting her off the subject. Now, what's the problem with the episodes?" Heyes asked.
"Oh, not just one problem. I find problems, mistakes if you will, in a lot of episodes."
Heyes looked at Kid with some concern. Being a man of detail, this revelation irked him a great deal.
"Give me an example," Heyes suggested. "Maybe they weren't errors at all. Maybe you just missed the meaning and Kid and me can explain it."
"Well, in the pilot episode..."
"The pilot episode? Errors from the very beginning?" Heyes exclaimed.
"When Lom has you and Kid locked up, and Deputy Harker has to go out on rounds, Kid had manages to steal the keys without Harker knowing, and he holds them up in his gloved hand to show you."
"Well, what's wrong with that?"
"You and Kid walk over to the cell door and Kid unlocks it."
"Yeah, so?"
"The glove is suddenly missing from Kid's hand, but once you're out of the cell, it's back on again."
"That's it?" Kid asked
"Kate, how long does it take to pull a glove off, or to slip it back on for that matter. That was just a case of the hand being quicker than the camera," Heyes explained.
"What camera?" Kid asked
"Kid you've seen them big black boxes sitting on a tripod, sometimes on rollers, whenever them two actors are pretending to be us," Heyes explained.
"Don't look like the camera that took our picture with Clem," Kid replied.
"That's cause that was a stationary camera. These are rolling cameras," Heyes explained.
"How come you know so much about this, Heyes?" Kid asked.
Because I don't spend all my spare time flirting with the extras. I pay attention to what's going on."
Kid pouted. "I don't flirt will all the extras," he protested.
"No, just the female ones," Heyes replied. "Now, Kate, what else are you having a problem with?"
"Well, in the Fifth Victim, Heyes got shot in the left temple. Kid was riding behind Heyes on the right side when Heyes got shot, so he couldn't have shot Heyes in the left temple. But Heyes told the Sheriff that Kid was riding in front of him. From that position Kid could have shot Heyes, but not even the Sheriff realized that."
"Ah...well...Oh I got it! If Kid was riding behind me, he could of snuck up from behind and shot me. But by riding in front of me, I wouldda seen him shoot me."
"Makes perfect sense, Kate," Kid piped up.
"Alright, I suppose I can buy into that," Kate said. But how about in the Bounty Hunter? The first time that Joe Simms ties the two of you up, Kid says 'Stop breathing, Heyes,' then the two of you spend the next hour trying to convince Joe that you are not Heyes and Curry.
"I got the answer to that one," Kid said. "If you recall, Joe had us lie down on our bellies on some hay. Heyes' breath smelled like that hay, so I told him to stop breathing hay, not stop breathing, Heyes."
"That one is a little hard to believe," Kate said.
Kid shrugged. "Go back and watch it. You'll see."
"So how about in The Long Chase when Kid falls from the train. Heyes just automatically assumes Kid is dead. He doesn't check for a heartbeat or breathing," Kate said.
"I can't explain that one," Heyes confessed.
"I can," Kid said confidently. "Heyes was not himself at all. It went on for weeks. It was like having a stranger for a partner. Reminded me of the way Danny Bilson use to act when we went mining for that gold with old Seth."
"And that's another one!" Kate exclaimed. "In Smiler With Gun, you are all eating beans when you hear and see a rattlesnake. Heyes says 'don't anybody move,' but not once do his lips move when he says it. In fact, his mouth is closed."
"Ain't you never heard of a ventriloquist? I was throwing my voice in another direction to confuse the snake and give Kid an opportunity to go for his gun and shoot the damn thing," Heyes explained.
"You know I always had a problem with that too," Kid said. "Here we are eating nothing but beans for months, and does anybody even suggest we fry up a dead rattlesnake? No."
"So what about in The Posse That Wouldn't Quit? The two of you are trying to outrun the posse and when you stop to look back, Heyes is wearing his corduroy vest, but when you're riding the horses at a full gallop, the vest is missing, then crossing the river, the vest is on again."
"Got hot, that's all. Don't take but a minute to slip off a vest. Crossing a river, if there's a bit of a breeze, it can get cool, so I put the vest back on," Heyes replied.
"How about radio towers on the hills in the background in Six Strangers at Apache Springs?" Kate asked.
"First of all, I don't know what a radio tower even is," Heyes said. Secondly, those tall things you are referring to are the beginnings of fire towers, not fully built yet."
"Fire towers?" Kate asked skeptically.
"That's right. You can see how dry it is with the sagebrush rolling down the street, and Mrs. Fielding even comments about how hot it is. Why the whole area is just a fire waiting to happen," Heyes explained.
"Some of your explanations are a bit of a stretch," Kate told them
"Is that all the mistakes you got?" Kid asked.
"Well, I think that's about all I want to hear about right now,' Kate replied.
"Kate, let me ask you a question," Heyes said.
"Alright."
"When you write them stories, you ever have any mistakes in em?"
Kate thought of the massive amounts of typographical errors in nearly all her stories. "Sometime, I suppose," she reluctantly confessed.
"Do they make your stories any better or any worse?"
"Not in my opinion," she replied.
Heyes smiled. "I rest my case," he said, feeling like he had just been dealt the Royal Flush of winning arguments.
"All right, you made your point," Kate confessed. "You win hands down..."
"You've made a fool out of me twice now," Kid added. "Wow, after all these years and I still remember the lines," he said with a smile.
"You know, just out of curiosity, how many times have the two of you watched the episodes?"
"Watched the episodes? Why would we do that? We lived the episodes," Heyes replied.
"Besides, with all the stories that all you writers write, we're too busy to to sit back on our laurels," Kid added.
"And, if Kid and me were to watch them reruns, well, we'd likely finds things that none of you fans would even notice. Take The McCreedy Bust..."
"Where you flub your lines?" Kate asked.
"Oh, you noticed that," Heyes said, feeling a bit embarrassed.
"To tell you the truth, Heyes, all those little faux pas just endear the two of you all the more to we fans."
"The do?" Kid asked. "Ain't that sweet. You know, if we had known way back when that one day a bunch of sweet little old ladies would be living out their fantasies with the two of us, we might have made a point of making these little faux pas more noticeable," Kid said with a wink and a grin."
"Oh you made things quite noticeable in Everything Else You Can Steal," Kate replied with an appreciative smile and a definite twinkle in her eyes. "And maybe you'd better avoid watching Night of the Red Dog," she diplomatically advised.
Kid looked at her curiously. "Am I missing something, Kate?"
"Oh no, Kid. And neither did anyone else. Thank you very much."
"Happy to oblige," Kid said and shot Heyes a look of total bewilderment.
"So, Kate, are you satisfied with all our explanations?" Heyes asked.
"I...suppose so," she replied.
"Good. In that case, Kid and me hafta be going."
"What's your hurry?" she asked.
"Well, you kinda got me curious about these reruns. I think I'd kinda like to go watch one or two of em," Heyes replied.
"I wanna watch Everything Else You Can Steal, and see what it is she's talking about," Kid whispered to his partner. "Maybe the Red Dog one too cause all I remember about that one is passing out and losing all our gold."
"Sure Kid, and I wanna watch Return to Devil's Hole, cause unlike you, Kate, I think that episode had the makings of being a classic," Heyes replied.
"Oh, I don't disagree with you, Heyes. But there are different categories of 'classic,' remember."
"Come on, Kid. We don't hafta take this, even from the likes of Kate."
Kate struggled to keep from grinning. "Okay, have it your way, but just one piece of advice to you, Kid..."
"And what's that?"
"When you watch that episode you're so curious about, just don't be too hard on yourself."